Volvo

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A Volvo is another name for a Scandinavian stone brick. Volvo stands for "Vi orsakar Landets värsta olyckor", translated to English: "Ve kauses the vørst aksidents in the cowuntry". As well as being capable of lifting an almost infinite amount of flat-packed balsa wood furniture and plastic tat it also has the capacity to carry two adults, 2.4 children, ten IKEA Billy book shelves
Not a volvo

These people are not a Volvo

and at least three members of Abba.

Of all the various types of Volvos in production their wagons is by many considered their finest. These large cars were designed by a group of jet fighter pilots who know zero about cars, but presumably a lot about stone carving. The one thing they did get right was the logo, which they made trying to replicate the hammer and sicle.

Adult Volvos are tempestuous beasts and can sometimes throw their riders. A simple solution to this is to hide them in the forest or dump them in the nearby lake. This usually suffices to encourage cooperation(if not once over with the cricket bat usually works). Volvos breed at PTA meetings and have litters of up to 75 young. Most are eaten to provide sustenance, but because young Volvos are born blind and helpless, they are often cared for and closely monitored during their formative years by friendly car salesmen.

Early Volvos were actually hand-carved from blocks of Swedish granite by genetically-mutated Norwegian trolls, hence the extremely square-looking shape and large trunk. If Fred Flintstone drove a family-sized station wagon, it would certainly be a Volvo. When the designers were putting together their Top-10 market-leading features, style was definitely not their main concern.

Volvos are known for their low gas mileage and can run a mile on only one uranium rod. It was intended to replace all other vehicles, due to a Socialist reform. Therefore it operates as a tractor, plowing truck, tank, SUV, bus (station wagon), rally car, affordable luxury car and as police vehicle along with SAAB.

A forest of wunderbaum hanging on the front mirror is symbolicing that the car is registrated on a Swedish owner. Due to wunderbaum and Volvo is often seen togheter in sweden. Sweden has a lot of forest in comparison to it's land size.

Volvo Audio Systems

Volvo's are known to have to best mastrubaiting systems in the world. This is because of there one step but extremely long testing process. After the audio system has been installed in the Volvo, workers test it by playing every single song ever made by Abba. If there is one error during this process the car will be destroyed due to the offense towards the Volvo car company, Abba and the Swedish people. If the car succeds the test it will be programed to pick up on any Abba song being played in the surrounding area and even if your listening to music or not the car will automatically switch the station that is playing the Abba song.

Boring Swedish Efficiency

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Vulva.
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There's room for a World War in there

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Vulvas always break down or randomly asplode. This is because Vulvas are the #1 reason of teen deaths. The owner Teal banks bean made a deal with the devil to make his cars the most boring and dangerous in the world. He later made another deal with the devil to let the trunks of Vulvas be able to carry a whole IKEA line of furniture and still have room for the dog- There are even reports of a man in Tibet fitting another Vulva into his Vulva, but these reports are largely thought to be untrue and the man in question has been locked up for kitten huffing while driving.


Video footage of the effects of kitten huffing on Vulva driving is now available from the following link [1].

The members of the famous 70's shemale pop band ABBA all owned Vulvas. The blondes in particular having high mileage models, requiring continual servicing under the hood.

Here's an official company photo of a brand new Volvo ready to be shipped to it's lucky owner.

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Volvos undergo stringent highway safety evaluation and have one of the highest driver survival rates (27.32%) in the automotive industry. The company pioneered the use of Crash Test Dummies in their testing procedures.

Here is a photo of Bryce and Larry, a test dummy same sex couple on special assignment testing the stickshift on a sports sedan at the Volvo headquarters in Munich, Sweden.

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Famous Owners

Paris Hilton owns several Volvos, including: a Black 1927 OV4 "Jakob" convertible, a Metallic Blue 1989 240DL Station Wagon, an Antarctic Blue 1990 240 DL Sedan, a Dove Gray 1950 PV444, a Purple 1959 PV544, a Metallic Pea 1992 740 GLE Sedan, a 1993 940 Turbo Wagon, a Safari Green 2005 S40 Sedan, and an Ice White Metallic 2008 C30 hatchback.

Michael Jackson has had over 100 volvos, it was reported that during his glory days back in the 1950s he would refuse to ride anything other than one of his bulletproof volvo wagons, thanks to this he survived (only a broken nose)the infamous murder attempt by hes then fiance OJ-simpson when he found Michael cheating on him with then gay movie star sensation Snoop Doggy-style Dog.

Angela Lansbury drives a stylish & conservative 1994 VOLVO 960 Sedan, a Volvo S80 sedan, & a 2005 V70 wagon.

Ronald Reagan had a red 1973 Volvo 144 Sedan & a Volvo XC90 SUV.

Former British Prime Minister Mychael Harris has a forest green 1993 VOLVO 240 wagon, a 1965 Volvo P1800 Coupe, a Volvo 262C Bertone Coupe, & he has a whole fleet of classic Volvos that he collects.

Garrison Keillor is the proud owner of a gun metal gray S60R Sedan with extra seat belts and light alloy rims.

Volvo Chaos Theory

It has been known that if two volvos collide at any given time in this dimension then a random small car in a small Russian town will actually disintegrate and cause a rip in the fabric of space and time, this is the only known reason for athletics.

Cheese Theory

Contrary to beliefs, Volvos are not made of cheese, strawberrys, or any sort of earthly material

Jabba the Hutt

unknown to most Star wars fans, Jabba the Hutt owns a Volvo 240. It appeared in the Return of the Jedi
Volvo Barge

This proves the theory that Jabba is indeed the safest Hutt in the Galaxy, this is by far the most advertising a car company has ever done in a major motion picture.

Bitch

Where can i buy a Volvo?

Most Volvo's are available at IKEA and come with a 5 page instruction manual on how to assemble your Volvo. They are sold next to the Billy book shelves and the giant case of Abba CDs.

See also

Inventor of the Volvo

Alf Stewart

Here are pictures of him kissing a midget


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And Alf's inperation to the Volvo, wresting with Obama

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However, owners tend to customise them to look like this. However, the 240 Turbo is the Best car ever made, unmatched by any model before or since.


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