Volvo

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{{Title|volvo}}
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[[Image:Not_a_volvo.jpg|thumb|These people are not a Volvo]]
A Volvo is another name for a Scandinavian stone brick. Volvo stands for "Vi orsakar Landets värsta olyckor", translated to English: "Ve kauses the vørst aksidents in the cowuntry". As well as being capable of lifting an almost infinite amount of flat-packed balsa wood furniture and plastic tat it also has the capacity to carry two adults, 2.4 children, ten [[IKEA]] Billy book shelves [[Image:Not_a_volvo.jpg|left|thumb|119px|These people are not a Volvo]]and at least three members of [[Abba]].
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A Volvo is another name for a Scandinavian stone brick. Volvo stands for "Vi Orsakar Landets Värsta olyckor", translated to English: "Ve kauses the vørst aksidents in the cøøntry". As well as being capable of lifting an almost infinite amount of flat-packed balsa wood furniture and plastic tat it also has the capacity to carry two adults, 2.4 children, ten [[IKEA]] Billy book shelves and at least three members of [[Abba]].
   
Of all the various types of Volvos in production their wagons is by many considered their finest. These large cars were designed by a group of jet fighter pilots who know zero about cars, but presumably a lot about stone carving. The one thing they did get right was the logo, which they made trying to replicate the hammer and sicle.
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Of all the various types of Volvos in production their wagons is by many considered their finest. These large cars were designed by a group of jet fighter pilots who know zero about cars, but presumably a lot about stone carving. The one thing they did get right was the logo, which imitates the hammer and sickle and is a relic of the era of Soviet domination of the region.
   
Adult Volvos are tempestuous beasts and can sometimes throw their riders. A simple solution to this is to hide them in the forest or dump them in the nearby lake. This usually suffices to encourage cooperation(if not once over with the cricket bat usually works). Volvos breed at [[PTA meetings]] and have litters of up to 75 young. Most are eaten to provide sustenance, but because young Volvos are born blind and helpless, they are often cared for and closely monitored during their formative years by friendly [[car salesmen]].
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Adult Volvos are tempestuous beasts and can sometimes throw their riders. A simple solution to this is to hide them in the forest or dump them in the nearby lake. This usually suffices to encourage cooperation (a once-over with a cricket bat is also effective). Volvos breed at PTA meetings and bear litters of up to 75 young (in [[Mexico]], referred to as ''volvitos''). Most are eaten to provide sustenance, but because young Volvos are born blind and helpless, they are often cared for and closely monitored during their formative years by friendly [[car salesmen]].
   
Early Volvos were actually hand-carved from blocks of Swedish [[granite]] by [[genetic mutations|genetically-mutated]] [[Norwegian]] [[trolls]], hence the extremely square-looking shape and large trunk. If [[Fred Flintstone]] drove a family-sized station wagon, it would certainly be a Volvo. When the designers were putting together their Top-10 [[marketing|market]]-leading features, style was definitely not their main concern.
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Early Volvos were actually hand-carved from blocks of Swedish [[granite]] by mutant [[Norwegian]] [[trolls]], hence the extremely square-looking shape and large trunk. If [[Fred Flintstone]] drove a family-sized station wagon, he would select a Volvo. When the designers were putting together their Top-10 [[marketing|market]]-leading features, style was prominently shown on the chalkboards at off-site "management meetings" as one of Volvo's "non-goals."
 
Volvos are known for their low gas mileage and can run a mile on only one uranium rod. It was intended to replace all other vehicles, due to a Socialist reform. Therefore it operates as a tractor, plowing truck, tank, SUV, bus (station wagon), rally car, affordable luxury car and as police vehicle along with SAAB.
 
   
A forest of wunderbaum hanging on the front mirror is symbolicing that the car is registrated on a Swedish owner. Due to wunderbaum and Volvo is often seen togheter in sweden. Sweden has a lot of forest in comparison to it's land size.
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Volvos are known for their low gas mileage and can run a mile on a single [[uranium]] rod. It was intended to replace all other vehicles to usher in the era of the New Socialist Man. Therefore it operates as a tractor, plowing truck, tank, SUV, bus (station wagon), rally car, affordable luxury car and as police vehicle along with SAAB.
   
==Volvo Audio Systems==
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==Volvo audio systems==
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Volvos have the best audio systems in the world. This is because of their one-step but extremely long testing process. After the audio system has been installed in the Volvo, workers test it by playing every single song ever made by Abba. If there is one error during this process, the car is destroyed due to the offense towards the Volvo car company, Abba and the Swedish people. If the car succeds the test, the car radio is factory-programed to turn on and switch to the nearest station that is playing the Abba song (without excessive static).
   
Volvo's are known to have to best audio systems in the world. This is because of there one step but extremely long testing process. After the audio system has been installed in the Volvo, workers test it by playing every single song ever made by Abba. If there is one error during this process the car will be destroyed due to the offense towards the Volvo car company, Abba and the Swedish people. If the car succeds the test it will be programed to pick up on any Abba song being played in the surrounding area and even if your listening to music or not the car will automatically switch the station that is playing the Abba song.
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==Boring Swedish efficiency==
 
==Boring Swedish Efficiency==
 
 
{{wikipediapar|Volvo Cars|Vulva}}
 
{{wikipediapar|Volvo Cars|Vulva}}
 
[[Image:Gk03boot.jpg|left|thumb|200px|There's room for a [[World War C|World War]] in there]].
 
[[Image:Gk03boot.jpg|left|thumb|200px|There's room for a [[World War C|World War]] in there]].
Vulvas always break down or randomly asplode. This is because Vulvas are the #1 reason of teen deaths. The owner Teal banks bean made a deal with the devil to make his cars the most boring and dangerous in the world. He later made another deal with the devil to let the trunks of Vulvas be able to carry a whole IKEA line of furniture and still have room for the dog- There are even reports of a man in Tibet fitting another Vulva into his Vulva, but these reports are largely thought to be untrue and the man in question has been locked up for[[ kitten huffing]] while driving.
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Volvos always break down or randomly asplode. They are the #1 reason of teen deaths, the #2 reason being malfunctions of the rear seat upholstery during amorous play.
   
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The members of the famous 70's shemale pop band ABBA all owned Volvos. The blondes in particular had high-mileage models requiring continual servicing under the hood.
   
Video footage of the effects of [[ kitten huffing]] on Vulva driving is now available from the following link [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SSZLSfBDyhs].
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Volvos undergo stringent highway safety evaluation and have one of the highest driver survival rates (27.32%) in the automotive industry. The company pioneered the use of Crash Test Dummies in their testing procedures. However, all four members of ABBA survived this ordeal and went on to become recording stars.
 
The members of the famous 70's shemale pop band ABBA all owned Vulvas. The blondes in particular having high mileage models, requiring continual servicing under the hood.
 
 
Here's an official company photo of a brand new Volvo ready to be shipped to it's lucky owner.
 
 
http://www.car-accidents.com/pics/carphotos/3-22-04.jpg
 
 
 
Volvos undergo stringent highway safety evaluation and have one of the highest driver survival rates (27.32%) in the automotive industry. The company pioneered the use of Crash Test Dummies in their testing procedures.
 
 
Here is a photo of Bryce and Larry, a test dummy same sex couple on special assignment testing the stickshift on a sports sedan at the Volvo headquarters in Munich, Sweden.
 
 
http://pustakalaya.olenepal.org/wiki/images/222/22216.jpg
 
 
==Famous Owners==
 
 
 
[[Paris Hilton]] owns several Volvos, including: a Black [[1927]] OV4 "Jakob" convertible, a Metallic Blue [[1989#1989|1989]] 240DL Station Wagon, an Antarctic Blue [[1990]] 240 DL Sedan, a Dove Gray [[1950]] PV444, a Purple [[1956#1959|1959]] PV544, a Metallic Pea [[1990#1992|1992]] 740 GLE Sedan, a [[1993]] 940 Turbo Wagon, a Safari Green [[2005]] S40 Sedan, and an Ice White Metallic [[2008]] C30 hatchback.
 
 
[[Michael Jackson]] has had over 100 volvos, it was reported that during his glory days back in the 1950s he would refuse to ride anything other than one of his bulletproof volvo wagons, thanks to this he survived (only a broken nose)the infamous murder attempt by hes then fiance OJ-simpson when he found Michael cheating on him with then gay movie star sensation Snoop Doggy-style Dog.
 
 
[[Angela Lansbury]] drives a stylish & conservative [[1994]] VOLVO 960 Sedan, a Volvo S80 sedan, & a [[2000#2005|2005]] V70 wagon.
 
 
[[Ronald Reagan]] had a red [[1973]] Volvo 144 Sedan & a Volvo XC90 SUV.
 
 
Former British Prime Minister [[Mychael Harris]] has a forest green [[1993]] VOLVO 240 wagon, a [[1965]] Volvo P1800 Coupe, a Volvo 262C Bertone Coupe, & he has a whole fleet of classic Volvos that he collects.
 
 
[[Garrison Keillor]] is the proud owner of a gun metal gray S60R Sedan with extra seat belts and light alloy rims.
 
   
 
== Volvo Chaos Theory ==
 
== Volvo Chaos Theory ==
It has been known that if two volvos collide at any given [[time]] in this dimension then a random small car in a small [[Russian]] town will actually disintegrate and cause a rip in the fabric of space and time, this is the only known reason for athletics.
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If two Volvos collide in this dimension, a random small car in a small [[Russian]] town disintegrates and rips the space-time continuum. This is the only known reason for athletics.
   
==Cheese Theory==
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==Jabba the Hutt==
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[[Image:Volvo Barge.jpg|left|thumb|300px|Jabba is the safest Hutt in the galaxy, and this is by far the most intrusive "product-placement" advertising a car company has ever done in a major motion picture.]]
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Unknown to most Star wars fans, Jabba the Hutt owns a Volvo 240. It appeared in the Return of the Jedi.
   
Contrary to beliefs, Volvos are not made of cheese, strawberrys, or any sort of earthly material
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==Where to buy a Volvo==
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Most Volvos are available at [[IKEA]]. They come with a five-page assembly manual, which has no words but only diagrams, arrows, and the occasional rebus.
   
==Jabba the Hutt==
 
unknown to most Star wars fans, Jabba the Hutt owns a Volvo 240. It appeared in the Return of the Jedi [[Image:Volvo Barge.jpg|left|thumb|300px|This proves the theory that Jabba is indeed the safest Hutt in the Galaxy, this is by far the most advertising a car company has ever done in a major motion picture.]]
 
Bitch
 
 
==Where can i buy a Volvo?==
 
Most Volvo's are available at [[IKEA]] and come with a 5 page instruction manual on how to assemble your Volvo. They are sold next to the Billy book shelves and the giant case of [[Abba]] CDs.
 
 
== See also ==
 
== See also ==
== Inventor of the Volvo ==
 
Alf Stewart
 
 
Here are pictures of him kissing a midget
 
 
 
http://primetime.unrealitytv.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/ray-meagher1.jpg
 
 
 
And Alf's inperation to the Volvo, wresting with Obama
 
 
* [http://www.volvoistanbul.com/ Volvo]
 
http://www.hyscience.com/Cuffed%20Asian%20man.jpg
 
 
 
*[[Vulva]]
 
*[[Vulva]]
However, owners tend to customise them to look like this. However, the 240 Turbo is the Best car ever made, unmatched by any model before or since.
 
 
 
 
{{cars}}
 
{{cars}}
   
 
[[Category:Automobiles]]
 
[[Category:Automobiles]]
 
[[Category:Sweden]]
 
[[Category:Sweden]]
[[Category:Things That Are Not Hot]]
 
[[Category:Things That Suck]]
 
[[Category:Things That Make You Sterile]]
 
 
   
 
[[fi:Volvo]]
 
[[fi:Volvo]]

Latest revision as of 22:02, June 13, 2013

Not a volvo

These people are not a Volvo

A Volvo is another name for a Scandinavian stone brick. Volvo stands for "Vi Orsakar Landets Värsta olyckor", translated to English: "Ve kauses the vørst aksidents in the cøøntry". As well as being capable of lifting an almost infinite amount of flat-packed balsa wood furniture and plastic tat it also has the capacity to carry two adults, 2.4 children, ten IKEA Billy book shelves and at least three members of Abba.

Of all the various types of Volvos in production their wagons is by many considered their finest. These large cars were designed by a group of jet fighter pilots who know zero about cars, but presumably a lot about stone carving. The one thing they did get right was the logo, which imitates the hammer and sickle and is a relic of the era of Soviet domination of the region.

Adult Volvos are tempestuous beasts and can sometimes throw their riders. A simple solution to this is to hide them in the forest or dump them in the nearby lake. This usually suffices to encourage cooperation (a once-over with a cricket bat is also effective). Volvos breed at PTA meetings and bear litters of up to 75 young (in Mexico, referred to as volvitos). Most are eaten to provide sustenance, but because young Volvos are born blind and helpless, they are often cared for and closely monitored during their formative years by friendly car salesmen.

Early Volvos were actually hand-carved from blocks of Swedish granite by mutant Norwegian trolls, hence the extremely square-looking shape and large trunk. If Fred Flintstone drove a family-sized station wagon, he would select a Volvo. When the designers were putting together their Top-10 market-leading features, style was prominently shown on the chalkboards at off-site "management meetings" as one of Volvo's "non-goals."

Volvos are known for their low gas mileage and can run a mile on a single uranium rod. It was intended to replace all other vehicles to usher in the era of the New Socialist Man. Therefore it operates as a tractor, plowing truck, tank, SUV, bus (station wagon), rally car, affordable luxury car and as police vehicle along with SAAB.

edit Volvo audio systems

Volvos have the best audio systems in the world. This is because of their one-step but extremely long testing process. After the audio system has been installed in the Volvo, workers test it by playing every single song ever made by Abba. If there is one error during this process, the car is destroyed due to the offense towards the Volvo car company, Abba and the Swedish people. If the car succeds the test, the car radio is factory-programed to turn on and switch to the nearest station that is playing the Abba song (without excessive static).

edit Boring Swedish efficiency

Bouncywikilogo8
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Vulva.
Gk03boot

There's room for a World War in there

.

Volvos always break down or randomly asplode. They are the #1 reason of teen deaths, the #2 reason being malfunctions of the rear seat upholstery during amorous play.

The members of the famous 70's shemale pop band ABBA all owned Volvos. The blondes in particular had high-mileage models requiring continual servicing under the hood.

Volvos undergo stringent highway safety evaluation and have one of the highest driver survival rates (27.32%) in the automotive industry. The company pioneered the use of Crash Test Dummies in their testing procedures. However, all four members of ABBA survived this ordeal and went on to become recording stars.

edit Volvo Chaos Theory

If two Volvos collide in this dimension, a random small car in a small Russian town disintegrates and rips the space-time continuum. This is the only known reason for athletics.

edit Jabba the Hutt

Volvo Barge

Jabba is the safest Hutt in the galaxy, and this is by far the most intrusive "product-placement" advertising a car company has ever done in a major motion picture.

Unknown to most Star wars fans, Jabba the Hutt owns a Volvo 240. It appeared in the Return of the Jedi.

edit Where to buy a Volvo

Most Volvos are available at IKEA. They come with a five-page assembly manual, which has no words but only diagrams, arrows, and the occasional rebus.

edit See also

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