Volvo
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A Volvo is another name for a Scandinavian stone brick. Volvo stands for "Vi orsakar Landets värsta olyckor", translated to English: "Ve kauses the vørst aksidents in the cowuntry". As well as being capable of lifting an almost infinite amount of flat-packed balsa wood furniture and plastic tat it also has the capacity to carry two adults, 2.4 children, ten IKEA Billy book shelves
Of all the various types of Volvos in production their wagons is by many considered their finest. These large cars were designed by a group of jet fighter pilots who know zero about cars, but presumably a lot about stone carving. The one thing they did get right was the logo, which they made trying to replicate the hammer and sicle.
Adult Volvos are tempestuous beasts and can sometimes throw their riders. A simple solution to this is to hide them in the forest or dump them in the nearby lake. This usually suffices to encourage cooperation(if not once over with the cricket bat usually works). Volvos breed at PTA meetings and have litters of up to 75 young. Most are eaten to provide sustenance, but because young Volvos are born blind and helpless, they are often cared for and closely monitored during their formative years by friendly car salesmen.
Early Volvos were actually hand-carved from blocks of Swedish granite by genetically-mutated Norwegian trolls, hence the extremely square-looking shape and large trunk. If Fred Flintstone drove a family-sized station wagon, it would certainly be a Volvo. When the designers were putting together their Top-10 market-leading features, style was definitely not their main concern.
Volvos are known for their low gas mileage and can run a mile on only one uranium rod.
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[edit] Boring Swedish Efficiency
Volvos always break down or randomly Explode. This is because Volvos are the #1 reason of teen deaths. The owner Teal banks bean made a deal with the devil to make his cars the most boring and dangerous in the world. He later made another deal with the devil to let the trunks of Volvos be able to carry a whole IKEA line of furniture and still have room for the dog- There are even reports of a man in Tibet fitting another Volvo into his Volvo, but these reports are largely thought to be untrue and the man in question has been locked up for kitten huffing while driving.
Volvo Bus quite a lot of them. First Bus Have bought a total of 3 Million Volvo B9TL in the past 2 days.
Video footage of the effects of kitten huffing on Volvo driving is now available from the following link [1].
[edit] Famous Owners
Arnold Schwarzenegger Owns a collection of forest green&beige 80s 90s Volvo wagons reportedly equipped with missile deflectors, machine guns, parachutes, prawns, designer bags, and a pasta maker.
Paris Hilton owns several Volvos, including: a Black 1927 OV4 "Jakob" convertible, a Metallic Blue 1989 240DL Station Wagon, an Antarctic Blue 1990 240 DL Sedan, a Dove Gray 1950 PV444, a Purple 1959 PV544, a Metallic Pea 1992 740 GLE Sedan, a 1993 940 Turbo Wagon, a Safari Green 2005 S40 Sedan, and an Ice White Metallic 2008 C30 hatchback.
Michael Jackson has had over 100 volvos, it was reported that during his glory days back in the 1950s he would refuse to ride anything other than one of his bulletproof volvo wagons, thanks to this he survived (only a broken nose)the infamous murder attempt by hes then fiance OJ-simpson when he found Michael cheating on him with then gay movie star sensation Snoop Doggy-style Dog.
Angela Lansbury drives a stylish & conservative 1994 VOLVO 960 Sedan, a Volvo S80 sedan, & a 2005 V70 wagon.
Ronald Reagan had a red 1973 Volvo 144 Sedan & a Volvo XC90 SUV.
Former British Prime Minister Mychael Harris has a forest green 1993 VOLVO 240 wagon, a 1965 Volvo P1800 Coupe, a Volvo 262C Bertone Coupe, & he has a whole fleet of classic Volvos that he collects.
Garrison Keillor is the proud owner of a gun metal gray S60R Sedan with extra seat belts and light alloy rims.
A Volvo also appears on Twilight.
[edit] Volvo Chaos Theory
It has been known that if two volvos collide at any given time in this dimension then a random small car in a small Russian town will actually disintegrate and cause a rip in the fabric of space and time, this is the only known reason for athletics.
[edit] Cheese Theory
Contrary to beliefs, Volvos are not made of cheese, strawberrys, or any sort of earthly material
[edit] See also
