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“What the hell is this jibba jabba??? I pity the foo who writes this garbage!!!”
Voltran is a programming language derived from the most popular aspects of both Fortran and C++. Developed by Xerox in the late 90's, as a last ditch effort to remain relevant in the computer market, the language gained widespread usage amongst mainstream computer professionals.
edit Feature Set
Voltran is different from traditional programming languages in that it uses multiple inheritance as the only method of creating new objects or classes. Similar to the giant space robot defender Voltron, from which it derives its namesake, Voltran programs are assembled from disparate pieces, one of which forms the head. Voltran additionally includes the following features, borrowed from other popular languages:
- Easy to use syntax. All statements must start with PLEASE, and end with a period. (From COBOL)
- Decimal numbering system. (The only good thing to ever come out of SmallTalk)
- A compiler. (From FORTRAN)
- Plausible deniability through incomprehensibility. (From Perl)
- A two-by-four, complete with nail. (From C)
- GOTO statements. (From BASIC, comparable to a two-by-four, complete with matching nail)
- Syntactic Nutrasweet - Provides automatic commenting, inserting helpful comments such as: "Loop from one to nine." (From your co-workers).
edit Voltron Inheritance
Notably, the most important part of the Voltran language is that of multiple inheritance from the base classes to create new objects. While a typical C++ programmer will cry a small puddle and jump in a lake before approaching it, a Voltran programmer is a special breed of masochist, or soon will be. All new classes must be made by multiple inheritance from base classes, resulting in clear, easy to reuse code. For example, a class "soda machine" would simply multiply inherit from "soda" and "machine", both of which in turn inherit from other classes.
It is simple to construct new classes from the base objects of "tau", "neutrino", and "mu". Indication of the order of construction is defined by order of syntax in the language. Additionally, one object MUST be declared as forming the head, upon which the remaining objects connect.
A demonstration of the language for the stated example of soda machine is noted below:
Soda Machine :: [O_O] Soda ::  Machine :: ... Soda :: [O_O] Aluminum ::  Cylinder ::  Cap :: ...
The blanks have been left as an exercise to the reader.