Viva la Vida

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Invalids suffering from asanctipetronominalitis are deprived of Heaven, pictured here.

Asanctipetronominalitis (known colloquially as Viva la Vida) is a bacterial disease in which one believes various religious figures, commonly St. Peter, will not call his name.[1]

edit Cause

The etiology surrounding asanctipetronominalitis is ultimately unexplained. This has explanatory dearth has led many patients to complain about the inability to relay an adequate rationale for their affliction.[1]

edit Symptoms and diagnosis

Several prodromes indicate the arrival of asanctipetronominalitis in the body. Sufferers generally have a dark medical history. There are three symptoms which have been observed in direct correlation with asantcipetronominalitis in patients:

  • Vocal anomalies. Those with asanctipetronominalitis have been documented to verbalize strange or eccentric remarks and inquiries:[1]
    • A request to be a reflective surface. This is the strangest of the three most common requests from victims of asanctipetronominalitis.[1]
    • A request to be a gladial weapon. Subjects to asanctipetronominalitis have also been documented as appealing to sabres and other bladed weapons.[1]
    • A request to be a defensive armor. The most common of the three requests, victims also demand conversion into protective surfaces.[1]

None of these symptoms have been sufficiently medically explained.[1]

edit References

  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 1.6 1.7 1.8 1.9 Martin, Chris. Textbook of Bacterial Infectious Diseases. p. 4-42.
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