From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Vincent Cable (Officially born 1943, carbon dated to 100 AD), is the leader of the Liberal Democrats. He is the oldest politician to be selected to lead a British political party since Winston Churchill, and in Liberal years since William Gladstone was involved in Irish Home Rule and taking street walkers home to visit his family in the 1890s.
edit Early Days
Born in Yorkshire, Cable worked in various oil-extraction industries before moving into politics in the late 1960s. Then his politics were Labour so he stood for the party in elections and got elected under those colours for a local council. However he quit the party in the early 1980s when the bearded Jeremy Corbyn got involved in Socialism. This has lead to a life-long feud between the two men as Corbyn and the Labour party regard all those who defected to the so-called Social Democratic Party (SDP) as neo-Conservative traitors.
In 1970 Cable stood for the Labour party for a seat in Scotland where he came second after a blue turnip. Not offered anything by way of a safe Labour seat, Cable drifted off to the SDP when that party was launched as as the alternative to Free Market Fascism as offered by Margaret Thatcher and Marxist Book Reading championed by Michael Foot.
In 1992 Vince Cable chose to stand in London for the seat of Twickenham in London. By now he was a 'Liberal Democrat' and wore a bright gold tie. He lost in a close fought battle against a Conservative. Five years later he had another go and this time it was 'bingo' and Vince was now an MP for the Yellow Peril. Since he had worked in industry as an oilman, Cable bagged the 'economic briefs'. Like other politicians give this task, Cable developed a method of sounding 'business-friendly' by using a lot of jargon like 'the buggers have no money in their accounts' and 'lend me a fiver'. Cable's impression of honesty got him noticed, that and his bushy eyebrows which were in Britain a mark of supposed intelligence.
Cable held onto his seat at the 2001 and 2005 General Elections. Liberal Democrats talked about him becoming leader when their Scottish born leader Charles Kennedy had a few wee drams to many and came out as a six bottle a day alcoholic. Cable ruled himself out as he thought the party needed a 'young tv-friendly face'. Instead the Liberal Democrats elected another crusty Scot called Menzies Campbell. 'Ming' Campbell (so called because his confidence in front of TV was more fragile than an antique bit of Chinese porcelain) proved to be another political dud and resigned. Cable stepped in to take Campbell's place whilst the Liberal Democrats organised another party election.