Video games cause violence

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“Kill, Kill, Kill...”
~ Who is it?
~ Person Who Hears That
“No, It's-a Me, a-Mario!!”

Video Games are just plain right evil things that do nothing but send out the wrong message to children. Since the invention of the first game of Pong sometime in the 1970's, children and teenagers around the world have been influenced to do in the real world as they see in the fantasy world of video games. Pac Man alone has contributed to over 17,000 deaths alone from children being influenced to ask their younger siblings to chase them around in colored sheets pretending to be ghosts whilst they munch away at lines of aspirin set out in straight lines on the floor. If only Pac Man had warning labels telling children to use tic tac's instead. Since the advancement in home video game technology since 1987, an ever growing number of evidence has arose that video games are nothing but bad influences on children and retards that can cause mental conditions, serious injury and death.

edit Nintendo's Super Evil Mario Bros


1985 saw the release of what some consider to be the most badly influential video game of all time. Super Mario Brothers looked innocent enough as the premise was about two plumbers trying to save a kidnapped princess from an evil fire breathing dragon. However several not so innocent events portrayed in the game have had quite a lot of negative press since the games launch date.

Portrayed in the game is the ability to jump on turtles, kicking them out of their homes, then proceeding to boot the shell away like kicking a soccer ball. Over 203,400 cases have been reported each year of parents buying turtles for their children, thinking they just liked the Ninja Turtles but instead had been influenced to want to stomp these poor reptiles and try to kick a field goal. The unfortunate result is that in the video game world, it just leaves a turtle homeless or feeling flat, but in reality the turtles life is crushed before the first kick off. This barbaric behavior has seen a decrease in the worlds turtle population by 77% since 1985 to 2015. On the upside tho, since the release of another game called "Angry Birds" children have switched from Turtle stomping to sling shotting birds into playground equipment, making 2012 to 2013 the lowest rate of turtle fatalities ever, however the influence to take magic mushrooms and see bizarre shit is still as popular as ever in all age demographics.

edit Donkey Wrong


Super Mario Brothers was not the first time an epidemic of video game violence occurred. In 1980 Nintendo again also released their Donkey Kong title. A man who strongly resembled Super Mario was attempting to rescue a kidnapped princess from a giant gorilla who was keeping her captive at the top of a few levels while throwing barrels down the stairs. This of coarse influenced underground races in 1982 where groups of teenagers each took turns attempting to run up building construction sites while someone at the top rolled steel drums at them. Many teenagers fell and broke their necks, or worse, but it was when oil refineries put a 17+ age limit on buying steel drums was when several teenagers begun retaliating with violence by racketing off several rocks at anyone refusing to sell them oil barrels. This caused many oil drum salesman severe injuries and many lost eyes. Pong and Asteroids where to blame for giving the teens the idea to whack rocks with tennis rackets and pipes.

edit Sonic The Children Killing Hedgehog


Sonic the Hedgehog first appeared in 1988 as a rival to Super Mario Bros. Developed by Sega, they wanted a game that would be just as influential to kids dumb enough to punch/headbutt bricks and expect coins to drop out. Sonic was a blue hedgehog that could turn into a speeding ball and zip through a maze of floors with loops everywhere. Sega really did put Nintendo into competition with them as a large trend shifted kids from attempting to bust open rocks on a pogo stick to seeing how fast they could somersault and roll down roller coaster tracks. Uncountable youth members lost their lives attempting to be like their hero, however many witnesses of the day are kicking themselves camera phones and Youtube where not around yet.

edit One on One Fighting Games

The early 1990s saw the arrival of even more violent video games, two in particular where games like Street Fighter II and Mortal Kombat. A plague of monkey see, monkey do erupted all over the world as kids began trying to throw projectiles out of thin air at each other and attempting martial arts maneuvers. Street Fighter had the first round of followers as adolescents attempted kicking the shit out of cars and seeing how much damage they could do in 60 seconds, but things got worse when Mortal Kombat pulled away with the edge by introducing fatalities. Jun 5th 1993 saw the first extreme case as a young boy from Japan attempted to preform the finisher assigned to the character Scorpion who would rip his ninja mask off and breath fire on his opponent causing incineration. The boys attempt resulted in him accidentally ripping his own face off and bleeding to death.

edit Grand Theft Auto

The late 90's saw the release on a revolutionary new style of game where you could both walk around and shoot, or steal any car and go for a joyride. It wasn't however till the 3rd game in the series where it become a 3D environment and parents quit bitching so much about other games like Doom and Duke Nukem as now players could add GTA to the mix and boost whatever car they wanted to. With no rules to society or road laws present in the game, this caused every kid who played this game an instant fail on their physical real life driving test as they found out if you crash and fuck up the instructors car, you can't just bail and hijack the nearest one you see. This has also increased the percentage of road rage since 2001 causing those who do get their license to become extremely pissed off that you can't just shoot the mother fuckers who cut in-front of you in traffic. The amount of rage being caused by this is said to be as equal to the frustration of playing Mario Bros and being told your princess is in another castle and knowing she's in the 8th one, but you just can't skip to that one knowing where the bitch is to begin with.

edit First Person Shooter Games


Gun control in high schools is at an all time high now as everyone feels they have been trained as a real life assassin now through games like Call of Duty. 17% of school shootings are blamed on the influence of being taught heartless killing with firearms and making it look fun, while the other 83% are shootings based on pissed off gamers who kept getting killed and mocked by someone in the video games.

edit Angry Birds

Since the arrival of the ISO games, none have surpassed the popularity of Angry Birds. A game where birds are launched into structures via a sling shot device. Parents and assholes concerned people however are not that worried about their kids being influenced to MacGuyver a sling shot out of a pair of scissors and a rubber band to fling canaries into the side of jungle gym equipment, but are more concerned about the original game it was influenced from Angry Muslims which was developed in 1999. The game was very simmilar to Angry Birds, but instead had 747's sling shot into high rise buildings. The influence of how bad this was on certain countries is clearly evident.

edit The Future Of Video Games

The future of video games is an uncertain road, but many are speculating that some day video games will be banned all together, and good riddance to them. they have warped our children's minds and caused violence for far too long now. Good hard working citizens of the world need to know they are safe to attend church and allow their children to drink communion wine, watch Mary Poppins in the safety of their own home with umbrellas and a high place for children to jump off of while unsupervised, and sing I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" "I'm living in a multicultural society" without offending anyone, as we all learn peace and tranquility and live in harmony as one with each other.

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