Video Game Controversy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Video Game Controversy has existed ever since the days of the first video game, Pong came out in 1972, creating doubts as to the future of the Olympics. The anti video game camp includes Fredric Wertham, Jack Thompson, Hilary Clinton, Joe Lieberman; membership has steadily increased throughout the years and now stands at around 1 billion. Video games have been criticized for the following reasons:
- Encouraging book burning to satisfy a rampant electricity addiction.
- Triggering war flashbacks in veterans of being besieged by nazi zombies.
- Violent video games are believed, by the catholic church, to turn children into pagan RPG playing lesbians and atheist FPS playing homosexuals.
- The catholic church also hates them for being the most effective contraceptive.
edit Video Games that get criticized
edit Grand Theft Auto
Politicians criticize Grand Theft Auto for all the wrong reasons, citing violent lyrics in the songs, murdering senior citizen and selling drugs, while never mentioning the realistic modeling of guns that requires licensing fees to weapons manufacturers with close ties to the military. Only Grand Theft Auto: Beirut has not been targeted.
Seriously, the lawyers love this game, but the politicians hate it. It's about this marine in a green shit suit named Master Beef, who's on a mission to save the world and have sex with his cell phone assistant. They believe that the sexual intercourse between Cortana and Master Beef is going to spell the end of sexual reproduction in America, going well beyond the goal of abstinence only sex education.
This is about some fucked up kid in this place called the Bullworth academy and he must confront and beat up different kids and pee on hideous school teachers. Church officials despised it for allowing the player to be gay and not including an in game confessional to absolve the main character of their sins.
edit Killer 7
This game is about this assassin who turns into these 7 dangerous, sexy alter-egos. Lawyers, like Jack Thompson, hate this game because they think it teaches kids successfully to fake insanity at trial.
edit The Rest of the Games
The list is continuously updated and decided by a secret council of moral crusaders in much the same vein as the film rating board. An attempt was made to create an accurate biblical simulator to save the souls of the children. However upon being rendered for even the most illiterate to see in the latest cutting edge graphics, it was immediately destroyed by the moral crusaders realizing the large amounts of slavery, genocide, pedophilia and war rape condoned in their holy book.
edit The War of The Video Games
The future looks pretty damn dark for video games, mostly because the same thing happened before with comic books. Soon, there is to be nuclear war between politicians and lawyers versus the video game gamers, which does not end well when the politicians realize all their drone pilots are pro gamer gate and need digital debauchery to stay sane from their third decade at war in the middle east blowing up Muslim children and their grandma's with no judicial process. This culminates in a nuclear war between parents and the children they forgot to raise over violent loony tunes and sexy computer boobs. Church attendance soars as they become makeshift fallout shelters.
edit The Fall of All Video Games
Because the anti game side was considerably older they die out first despite generally being more physically active, however because the gamer side forgot how medicine actually works, they are killed en masse from easily preventable illnesses, clutching first aid kits like magic talismans that will fill their health bar. With no humans left alive, video games remain entombed until being discovered by a race of hyper evolved hedgehogs and bandicoots millions of years in the future.