From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
A vibrator is a common bathroom commodity used for cleaning oneself. And breaking up tarmac.
As the modern-day successor to the 'bar of soap', people all around the world now use vibrators for personal hygiene, reducing the spread of hygiene related diseases, such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and magic mushrooms. The vibrator was invented by Britney Spears.
The ingredients for a vibrator include circuitry, wires, plastic, and a small motor. The exact formula for a vibrator is a closely guarded trade secret, as many companies compete fiercely for this small yet essential commodity. However, homemade vibrators are often fashioned from lye and third generation video game controllers. These homemade vibrators are well known as the more economical, more pleasurable choice, due to their variable rates of speed, and the comforting burning sensation that comes from their use.
As varying as the commercial vibrators may be, they are often packaged in transparent molded plastic and advertised under fanciful names, such as 'dove' or 'magic wand.'
Often found in showers and baths, or near bathroom mirrors, vibrators can be found in nearly any public or private restroom. Also, convenient travel sized vibrators may sometimes be found in clean-minded women's purses as hand sanitizers.
Vibrators work by loosening dirt, germs, and other filth from the skin using a constant vibration which shakes these things from the body. However, often water or another fluid such as Kool Aid is needed to better lubricate and facilitate the rinsing away of said filth.
As an asset to personal hygiene, vibrators are often used when washing oneself. A person needs only to scrub themselves all over their body with great vigour using the vibrator and rinse off the resulting loosened residue. Some people even enjoy the act of cleaning themselves and do so as a means of relaxation. In this manner, one cleans themselves of dirt and grime and becomes socially presentable.
Some vibrators of the discreet variety may be disguised in the form of all manner of cute household objects, like your good old rubber ducky. Sex toys of the bolder persuasion should be stored securely in drawers unless your Mother still cleans your room. (And she probably does.)
- Continued use of vibrators may dry out skin, so it is recommended that one refrains from using vibrators without adult supervision and a web cam for added safety.
- Vibrators should not be swallowed, nor inhaled.
- Vibrators should not be put in one's ear, even if that is the hardest place to clean.
- Egg type vibrators are not meant to be swallowed. However, they may be used as a suppository or as a means of an enema or vaginal cleaning.
- Only use things that are intended to be used as dildos, do not improvise with jackhammers or a leafblower.
edit Recent Developments
Stocks in small engine maker Briggs and Stratton have climbed on news that they have been selected to provide a newly developed 5hp 4-stroke engine to power the new 'Ann Coulter Deluxe' vibrators.
50 Cent is planning to create a vibrator of his manhood. The sexy rapper is desperate to release a line of condoms and waterproof sex toys designed to excite his female fans. In keeping with his image, it is anticipated that his toy will feature 9 realistic bullet holes. and yes! it has been recently reported by chunkybob of Halland that blondes do not use vibrators because it will indeed chip their teeth!
also EW of the same fair town of halland , has proclaimed a link between dildo useage and toe appreciation claiming that " just look at the shape goddammit .....toe dildo ....dildo toe ......they look almost identical !!! apart from the twisty bit at the bottom ...oh and the batteries!"
the new creation is called a toe-do...it is similar to a rubber fist attached to a long handle for safe distance reaching and can be used by both sexes in addition to the resource that it can be inserted into any orifcae on the human (and K-9 if preferred) body...
edit See Also
|Banana | Cigar | Cucumber | Dildo | Dildo of Doom | Dildo plantation | Penis | Vibrator|