Vertical limit
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“I molested this film”
“Chris O'Donnell really does have the acting grace and panache of that tree over there”
“I don't have a vertical limit, I'm up and down like a whore's drawers”
Vertical Limit is a film about a really fucking stupid rich Texan millionaire who climbs up a mountain to wave at a plane. Meanwhile, some Indians and Pakistanis with English accents blow the shit out of each other. It has the world record for the most uses of the word 'intense' in a screenplay, with 976 in just 12 pages. It won numerous awards, the most prestigious being the Wankathone Magazine Best Use of a Charlize Theron Lookalike in a Comedy/Musical(2000).
Contents |
[edit] Plot (or lack, thereof)
The "film" begins with a homage to every single mountain climbing film ever (including ones that haven't been made yet), with the main character (Chris O'Donnell) killing his father with a pick axe and then pretending it was an accident. Scared of climbing, he now just takes pictures of stuff. His partner then falls and breaks his foot in the most hilarious way possible, and the guy becomes addicted to oxygen. At the same time, his sister (Robin Tunston-Screws)has hooked up with a really fucking stupid rich Texan millionaire (Bill Pullman Paxton) who does things for a laugh. This pisses off O'Donnell no end because he wants to fuck her. Sick freak. Yuck. I wouldn't do that. No sirree Bob.
Anyway, Chris O'Donnell's sister goes up the mountain with the really fucking stupid rich Texan millionaire, along with general expert Alex 'Ratboy' Krycek who know climbs up stuff rather than running away from aliens and being a cunt. They fall into a hole and get stuck. Wow, that was predictable. Chris O'Donnell goes up the hill mountain with some other morons to find them, and try their best to blow themselves up or fall off cliffs as often as possible.
[edit] Cast
Chris O Donnell as Angry Troubled Guy, a monumentally simple guy who just generally falls over and does stupid things. Loves his sister a little bit too much if you ask me. Played by Chris O'Dear God Make It Stop, who is famous for being Hollywood's only actor to achive success post-lobotomy
Scott Glenn as Really Angry Disturbed Old Man, an old codger who contributes nothing aside from making disparaging comments about people's plans while standing in middle distance. His wife, get this, died in a mountain climbing accident and now he hates/loves mountains.
Robin Tunney as Angry Troubled Guy's Overly Independent and Annoying Sister, which, as her name suggests, is overly independent and annoying and just sort of attracts trouble.
Alex Krycek as Guy Who Gets Injured, an experienced climber who shatters his ass bone in a fall.
Izabella Scorupco as Woman Who Looks Like Charlize Theron, a sourceless, accentless woman who almost gets chopped up by a helicopter rotor in an almost entertaining moment.
Bill Pullman Paxton' as Really Fucking Stupid Texan Millionaire, an imbecile who has nothing better to do with his time then pull off stupid stunts only a Texan would think of doing. And even then, only a really stupid one.
[edit] Reaction
Reaction to the film was sort of like this:
* * * *
* * * *
* *
* * * *
* * * *
*****************************************
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
****** *****
**********************
[edit] Sequels
The film spawned many sequels, including Vertical Limit 2.0, Vertical Limit 3: The Revenge (Where the mountain hunts down the main character's family, intent on revenge), Vertically Challenged (starring Gary Coleman), and Vertical Limit vs Predator. Sadly.
