Venus
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“She's got it! Yeah, baby she's got it!”
~ Bananarama on finding extraterrestrial life on Venus
Venus is the second planet. Venus is also goddess of love and sex, and she is very pretty. Venus is covered by downy fuzz and has sexy craters and volcanoes at her equator. Venus's atmosphere is full of pink clouds. People on Venus are blond and cute. The Flying Spaghetti Monster created this planet for women but as yet no women have moved in.
Men had Mars made for them, but the Men are only using it to store Playboy archives.
Venus revolves on her axis when she walks. With a surface temperature of up to 900 degrees, she is the totally hottest of the planets in our solar system. Her tilt measures a perfect 23 degrees, and her escape velocity is an alluring 10.3.
The Venusian population consists of Valkyries, Valley Girls, and vegetarian vestal virgins, the most famous of which is Sailor Venus.
[edit] NASA's Voyeur Program
For thousands of years, frustrated astronomers and horny astronauts have been trying to peer beneath Venus's filmy veil of clouds. Recently the Hubble telescope has revealed new details, sending back provocative downblouse shots that have finally confirmed Einstein's controversial Puffy Nipples Theory. As of 2009, the United States is in a race with Venezuela, Vietnam, the Vatican, and the Virgin Islands to be the first to land a probe in Venus's polar region. They face competition from Vanuatu, however, which has been showering her with gifts and has a nicer car.
[edit] Vun Vacts about Venus
- Venus is hot, baby. ;-)
- Rhymes with penis, but spelled with a "v" like vagina.
- She chases around boy toy Mercury, the autistic boy hooked on those vaccines and ritalin, with gluten or red food dyes mixed together.
- Worshipped by creepy old men, anime nerds on AH! My Goddess! posting boards and prego fetishists (OH RLY?)
- And XENU! IT'S A SIGN! HAIL SATAN LUCIFER! SEIZE THEM YOU FOOLS. SEIZE TEHM!
| Planets |
|---|
| Confirmed (Solar System): Freddie Mercury / Mercury | Venus | Earth/Lyons/iEarth/World (The Moon) | Disney World | Planet Hollywood | Mars | Planet Google | Globe | Roseanne | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus / Youranus / Myanus | Neptune |
| Confirmed (Extrasolar): Uncyclopedia | Darwin IV | Discworld | Lexicon | Wikipedia | Pizza Planet | Polkadottia | Gliese 581 c | 55 Cancri e |
| Dwarf planets: Ceres | Pluto | 2003 UB313 | |
| Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron |
| Denied by CIA: Irk | Krypton | Michigan | Neopia | Tiamat | Nibiru | Magrathea |
| In a galaxy far, far away: |
| Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Earth | Qo'noS | xxEarth Cxx |
| Loner Planets: Wisconsin | Your Mom |
