Veganism

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This dolphin was consumed by a vegan seconds later.

Veganism is a form of vegetarianism in which a strict dolphin-only diet is adhered to. Vegans typically are motivated by an ethical view that animals and plants of lesser intelligence should not be exploited as food, and therefore only animals of equal or greater intelligence to themselves may be consumed. Dolphins are widely recognized as the most intelligent of all animals; dolphins' extremely active sex life, far surpassing that of most humans (especially you), is given as evidence of this intelligence.

[edit] Flexi-veganism

In a less strict form of veganism known as flexi-veganism, other high-intelligence animals such as elephants, apes, whales, and humans are also consumed. This form of veganism is generally criticized by strict vegans, who consider the diet pseudo-veganism. However, flexi-vegans note that there is no ethical problem with consuming non-dolphin animals, as long as the animal's intelligence is still greater than their own. For this reason, some particularly stupid vegans will eat dogs, cats, or US presidents.

[edit] Cuisine

Dolphin burgers, a common vegan dish

Vegan cuisine is similar to standard cuisine, except vegetables, fruit, grains, dairy products, eggs, and non-dolphin meat are substituted with mock vegetables, mock fruit, mock grains, mock dairy products, mock eggs, and mock non-dolphin meat. These mock foods are made of specially processed dolphin meat, organs, bones, cartilage, lymph nodes, and -- the most delicious of all -- brain matter.

It all just tastes like dolphin, though.