Vancouver

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Vancouver, aka Hong Kouver, a large Chinese city in Western Canada, an important hub in North American drug trade, gay refuge and a depository for a wide variety of huge sexy Brown People. The main tourist attractions are more local beer than anywhere else and rain.

== History == Pot is located in the South-West, North-East of British Columbia. if u ever visit, it is totally legal here dude. No, seriously man.


Vancouver, Before Christ

Prior to contact with humanity, the land presently known as Vancouver was heavily forested and populated by punctuation-challenged Indian groups with names such as Sto:lo. The subject of the origins of the Indians is presently considered a taboo and as such never mentioned in a polite company, however the Indians themselves claim they have always been here, but have no evidence due to their lack of knowledge . But one thing those natives did was one day they found some kilz bud and they started making these statues that just show some stupid native chief .

Culture

The hippies are usually found on Commercial Drive, sitting outside a coffee shop while smoking some dope. Sushi and hockey are also part of the city's culture, with an annual slap shot sushi tournament hosted by Molson Coors. Hipsters can often be found on Main Street, doing hipster things like shopping in thrift shops, riding old multicoloured bikes and wearing toques and such.

International Disputes

Vancouver, BC has a running dispute with Vancouver, Washington over which should be considered the 'true' Vancouver. This tension has often spilled over into the international arena, and has been the cause of several attempts at invasion from one city or the other, neither of which has been especially successful as the populations of both cities are too stoned to get anything done.

Ironically, the two cities have many things in common:

  • The citizens of both cities often cross the border in order to get tax breaks.
  • Everybody in both cities has meticulus personal hygiene.
  • The economy of both cities relies heavily upon exporting illegal substances.

These similarities have led many to speculate that Vancouver, Washington and Vancouver, BC are really one and the same city, separated by thousands of years of time. Recently, the Vancouver, Washington city council narrowly passed a measure to change the name of the city to Vancouver, AD.

Vancouver is in constant war with the city state/hellhole of Surrey. Vancouver currently requires a valid passport and a criminal record check from all residents of of Surrey attempting to visit the city. Similar requirements will shortly be introduced for the residents of Abbotsford, Mission, Maple Ridge, Pitt Meadows, Chilliwack, Langley, and Richmond. For that latter, a valid certificate of English proficiency will also be required.

Current Economic Status

Domingo Family

Richest family in Vancouver

Jemuelson Javillo Domingo AKA, Don of Vancouver Jondelle "Dipshit" Domingo AKA, Dipshit!


Current Economic Status

Vancouver's economy is currently imploding, due to a naval blockade by North Vancouver, in an attempt to force the city to hand over its weed stocks. Vancouver has yet to respond to this pressure, although it is believed that the city will succumb when arms of angry skiers and snowboarders storm city hall, due to their inability to reach the North Shore ski areas.

Vancouver is also Canada's main producer of rain. In fact, there is so much rain that every year during the prestigious "We Have No Seasons Just Rain" festival, residents use their Honda Civics as a flotation device in order to get from condo to condo.

Interesting Facts

  • Vancouver is what passes for an interesting city in Canada.
  • The city proclaims to have the largest amount of dirt per person.
  • Was declared a "van-free" zone by Greenpeace in 1987 (meaning anyone who moves here can live in a van for free).
  • The Child to Dog ratio is 1:10
  • Is a leading city in the introduction of stairs.
  • There is a vortex of "Suck" coming from an area near Southlands. The cause is believed to be Christopher Bence.
  • Another vortex connecting Surrey with the northeast Indian state of Punjab has resulted in a total depopulation of Punjab.
  • Produces an alcohol-free scotch under the brand name "Smotch".
  • Occasionally English can be heard in addition to the three official languages: Cantonese, Mandarin, and Punjabi
  • Stole the recipe for Nanaimo bars
  • Has the second highest population density in North America, which is just stupid because everywhere else in Canada is empty.
  • Dolphins escape via the Sea-to-sky highway when Vogons arrive.
  • Vancouver is considered one of the most "livable" cities in the world due to its plentiful oxygen, edible twigs and berries, and lack of harmful ultraviolet radiation.
  • The city where water was discovered for a hundredth time.
  • If some guy walks by you saying "pot, weed, doobies, weed, dope..." ***FOLLOW HIM***
  • UBCers constantly sit around staring into space.
  • There are only three schools in Vancouver, St. George's a school for the gay and rich, and Vancouver College, a school for the Christian gay and rich, as well as St. John's, a school run by William Shatner and Wolverine for Canadian children with superpowers. All the other schools were converted into safe-injection sites.
  • The SkyTrain was conceived in mid 1980s to facilitate drug transportation and act as mobile landfill. Average human ridership in 2009 was three per month.
  • Has so many Starbucks that new locations must now open inside the restrooms and parking lots of existing locations!
  • Is the only place on earth where no one has seen the sun in 5 years, caused by the natural phenomenon called rain.
  • UBC stands for: University of a Billion Chinese.
  • SFU stands for : Students who Flunked UBC.
  • Falling asleep on the Skytrain will cause you to travel to an alternate reality known as Surrey where your wallet may disappear, you might get shot at, stabbed, or vanish without a trace.
  • Marijuana Grow-Ops served more customers than McDonalds for the first time in late 2006.
  • The Hollywood Sign was moved to here from Los Angeles, United States.
  • Vancouver wants to build a 20-foot fence on their border to keep out the "wetbacks" from crossing in Bellingham, Washington.
  • Vancouver and most of the Lower Mainland is looking to become its own, independent country with the population like that of Mongolia, both in numbers and ethnicity.
  • The biggest imports are Alberta's homeless, the Chinese, and homosexuals - not necessarily Chinese.
  • Every year Vancouver receives more raindrops than there are grains of sand on its beaches.
  • It's still on fire following riots when their hockey team lost in the Stanley Cup finals again.
  • BIRTHPLACE OF VANCOUVER LEGEND PM
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