Valium
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Valium is a great way to make sure you completely forget what happens for the next few hours. It is also know as "Mother's little helper".
“It is good for your bunghole!!”
“I found it in the urinal. It's blue.”
“What were we talking about? Oh, yeh, pills...”
[edit] War on Terror
In 2001, U.S. President George W. Bush launched a philanthropic campaign called the "War on Terror". His mission, (and you should decide to accept it) supported by evidence presented to Congress that there is enough "yellowcake" on the black market to give every man, woman and child an unlimited supply for the next three centuries, was to give every man, woman and child enough Valium to last for the next three centuries. In doing so, he hoped to end feelings of terror caused by the increasing speeds of automobiles.
I mean Christ, at 75 miles an hour, who wouldn't be terrified. Then you get on a jet and they go like 600 miles an hour. I'm talking sheer white-knuckle terror. Not to mention the terror we suffer when we realizing we took that fuel to run those jets and cars and trucks and trains and buses and boats from somebody, and those somebodies might be pissed. Then there was the whole cold war thing, and every time you trip you see mushroom clouds, and you try to go straight and Hal Lindsey is all talking about apocalypse and whatever - eternity in hell and rapture. Christ. Life is scary. So Georgy suggested we all go "running for the shelter of mother's little helper" ©.
Valiums reduce stress because they belong to a class of drugs called anxyolitics. They make you less anxious. Except my Valiums belong to me. I don't mind sharing, but don't be pinching my stash. All drugs carry a risk of dependence. Shaking hands, slurred speech, droopy eyes, lack of libido (that means you loose interest in sex), slobbering, wrecking your car, losing interest in your family, and other side effects are usually minor and are nothing to really worry about, so get off my back about it already, will ya. I can quit anytime I want. I just take them when I'm stressed. They help me deal with things better. What are you some kind of nark? Nah, you're cool really, I was just kidding. Really, I take them because I have a biological disease. It's like diabetes. If diabetes is a biological disease, then why are you on my back about my medications? The doctor said I need them. Well, actually, I got these from that girl at work, but still, they help smooth out the Prozac jitters, know what I'm saying...
[edit] Anna Nicole Smith
Damn, what yall lookin at? This is just my collection of pills. The blue ones are my valium, the green ones are my klonopin, the pink ones are my lortabs, the little purple ones is ma morphine, and these big girls are my titties. Yup, I sandwich all my pills in between my tits and keep them there untill right before I eat breakfast, that way I stay good and loose all day.... my vagina is super loose too. Go ahead, stick your head all up in there. Its queef time.
[edit] Colors
Valium comes in two colors -- blue and yellow. Only the yellow version was mentioned in Bush's speech about yellow cake.
 | Mommy's Medicine Cabinet |
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