VG Cats

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about VG Cats.

“Holy shit, this is cool. Cute kitties and brutality! Only thing its missing is necrophi-oh wait, its got that too.”
~ Oscar Wilde on VG Cats

“Excuse me, im not the guy who wrote the article that is badmouthing Scott Ransomair, im just editing and the guy who wrote it is a douchebag woth no life living with his mom... keep doing good with vgcats scotty!”
~ Scotty's bitch on Not getting that the point of Uncyclopedia is to make fun of shit

VG Cats is a popular web comic about video games, cats, and cheese. Like many other web comics, this site is famous for the sole fact that it has bright colors and "Cute, luvable kitties!" even though that originally the author, Scott Rastomair, had intended that the comic come off as violent and sadistic to express his outrage after the 9/11 attacks. Visitors to his website could not, however, understand the symbolism of airplanes crashing into tall buildings while people withered around in pain on the floor puking up vile, unmentionable things. Like intestines.

edit Early Days and Inspirations

Ramsamasoomair was born a Canadian in Canada, Canada and grew up loving their bacon, which is just ham. I mean, what the hells up with that? Does that make ham bacon? Huh. Talk about mysteries of the fuckin universe. Anyway, it is said that no living mortal at this point in time knows of his origins or personal life up until his passage into college fratboyism (kind of like our Lord, Jesus!) except that he was probably kind of a dink.

Roomstair spent his days drawing comics and playing videogames rather than getting a job or a girlfriend. He ran a small website on the great information highway as his "occupation" because you can't have a lifestyle like his and not be associated with the internet in some way. It has been proven both logically and scientifically that all webcomic creators are either nerds, retards, or cokeheads. Scott is all three. Because of this, it soon became apparent to Scott that his ideas for his comics wouldn't be appreciated, not even by his mommy. So he ran a quick poll to his fledgling fan base to determine the future of his web comic, consisting of this:

The turnout was greater than Roombassaboom could have fathomed within his pitifully small head. So, after getting the final reading, Scott gave his fan base one bigass middle finger and took the comic into a completely new direction: that of parodying video games.

Being Canadian, Scott Rammstein was born with a bigger chance of being funnier than everyone else. Knowing this, he began work on his web comic but he knew he'd need to include humor that would render the masses unable to fight back once he launched his missiles out to destroy the world. Unfortunately for Scotty, his Canadism didn't grant him a +23 in his creativity attribute like it did his humor. He went in and out of development multiple times, scrapping stupid ideas while trying to think of good ones. He eventually gave up after tossing out the idea of Dren, the Hopeless Heroin Addict and his girlfriend/possible sister Liz, the chick with the big titties that was in that one movie. After careful thinking, Scott was about to give up on his web comic and gave the self-destruct signal to his stockpile of missiles. They were destroyed, ending any hope for global destruction then. He then took a pleasant walk to the nearby forests of the Canadian highlands.


Just when Scott was about to finish tying the noose, he was interrupted when he heard noises in the distance. He looked over to see his cats fucking doggie-style right in the middle of the woods. Scott, realizing the irony and unlikeliness in this, had great ideas for the two main characters of his web comic.

Scott thusly spent all of his mind power on drawing comics (this is why it's never on time), cleverly naming the comic VGCats in an attempt to be original. Frantically trying to figure out how to make them more popular, he flashed back to his scrapped draft of Dren. In a stroke of genius never to be repeated, all of his comic was reborn in a bath of bright colors that made his fan base drool.

Scott drew up the comic in this new heroin inspired direction, and put it up on his site. The game it would be parodying was Counter-Strike, the only game that Scott had felt was safe enough to parody without fear of retaliation of fan boys.

Immediately visitors from all over the internet began expressing such opinions as, "OMG! This is great!"

Scott was overjoyed, and did back flips for the rest of the day.

edit Success

Determined to ride this creativity out and milk it for all it was worth, (having the time to do so because he didn't have a job) Scott began a drawing frenzy. Video game after video was parodied. His fan base (who consisted mostly of virgins) ate it all up and, like a obese child at an all you can eat buffet, demanded more.

Comic after comic was cranked out. According to local rumors provided by Rawk Hawk, the only thing Scott Ramstooramalammajammaraskalovibittypibbityareyouactuallyreadingthisshitshazoobyspartacactamoomair really ever had to do was keep up with the demand, which was simple enough back then because at the time, his artwork could have been replicated by an aborted fetus.

A hundred comics were created from this point, in the duration of three weeks. Scott neither slept, ate, or bothered to leave his drawing desk to go to the bathroom, though he did find a way to miss the deadline each time.

New characters based on people he really knew sprang up: Dr. Hobo, a medical practitioner who liked to dress up as a hobo in order to get away with multiple counts of Kitten Huffing, Krug, an artist who looks very much like a demon that was benevolent and sought out peace and tranquility (Which, in a demon's mind, means destroying everything) and Johnny Evilguy, a shrewd merchant whom has a strange attachment to male genitals.

But these good times would not last.

edit Crash and Burn

Having exhausted himself, Scott drew up one last comic for the day, uploaded it to his website, and passed out. It was the first comic that seemed to actually require intelligence. His legions of Fans looked forward to something stupidly funny next week, but they would be disappointed.

After sleeping for a week and waking up to snort a huge pile of mixed cedar chips and cocaine, Scott continued the plot from the previous comic. He then pissed off the entire world by adding a plot and romantic themes to the comic.
Doggie

This shit actually happened.

You see, by taking the stupid out of the comic, his fans lost the only thing they could relate to in the series. Eventually, his rabid, or rather retarded, fans sought out to hunt Scott down and end his existence. He managed to survive by blending in with his natural environment by putting a lampshade over his head. Eventually his hunters gave up and went crying to mommy.

In a desperate attempt to bury this once and for all, Scott vowed to never include a plot or story within his comic again. He would go on to make more obscene comics and break his promise multiple times. Whether or not Leo and Aeris still have romantic feelings for each other is not to be mentioned on the VG Cats forum, or else somebody will punch you in the face over the Internet.

edit Going On

Many new comics came out and more were not ignored.

Scott had smoked some of the sticky icky and whilst stoned, had a nigga moment with a comic that featured a short back story of Aeris and Leo when they were both in middle school with Solid Snake, Duke Nukem, and many others.

This was the last straw for Scott's huge fan base of idiots. To combat any sense of plot in the comic, fan boys without life drew fan porn and spammed the site (more than usual.) After a few gigabytes worth of quality material was safely tucked away, Scott was able to quell this uprising when he came down from his "totally worth it" high. Scott, it seems, has gone back to his roots and continues to do comics parodying current video ga-no, wait, he drew some gay Starfox porn.

The site now updates roughly about four or five times a year, when Scott is feeling generous.

Comic 300 is expected in 4009.

edit The Present

Scott still posts what he sees on his website. He still lives with Leo and Aeris, and the two still fuck all the time. Despite the lack of change, crazy shit happens on an everyday basis.

edit Pantsman

During a nuts DMT trip with Leo, Scott convinced himself he could fight crime. He then proceeded to craft an elaborate suit befitting a vigilante of his nature through the arduous process of design, tailoring, and gathering the necessary materials. He put underwear on his head and tied his pants around his neck, becoming the great hero Pantsman. When he offered to collaborate with Leo on the fight against evil, Leo became The Punisher and started slaughtering all the criminals and villains in North America. Aeris decided to not even get near this one and just watched chick flicks all day. Pantsman did not approve of Leos indiscriminate killing and refused to work with him (mostly cause he was taking all of the attention for himself.) The even more badass Punisher was cool with this for a while and continued his rampages for weeks nonstop before making a grim realization: he remembered that Pantsman was his designated driver. He was forced to return to Pantsman and accept the position of sidekick and become Breifboy, as his previous style was not centrally themed around clothing. Breifboy was also not even paid minimum wage, as payment for being a sidekick is the satisfaction of knowing you did a good job of helping or killing somebody. Leo could be heard screaming FUCK from literally miles away.

edit Death of Dr. Hobo

Dr. James Hobo's corpse was found by paramedics on the night of Christmas Eve last year. Some mourned, but more ignored the whole thing. Contrary to initial belief, the cause of death has been classified as a murder. His body was savagely beaten before having his heart torn out and eaten. Police are closing the case immediately as "We dont even want to get near the psycho that did this shit." Scott had been threatening to lay someone off in an attempt to gain attention in the months prior to the incident. To prove his point he stopped drawing Dr. Hobo, however, he knew it wouldnt be enough. Scott has always been known to go that extra mile, and sent Leo out to kill Hobo in any manner he pleased. He knew better than to send Aeris because she wasn't coldhearted enough to kill someone on Jesus's birthday. He normally would have declined due to his personal ties with Hobo (his favorite drug dealer and human uncyclopedia) but Scott had offered him a product guaranteed of scoring him a bigger "pen fifteen". Leo wasn't self-conscious or anything as he was already at a very good size, but always knew a little extra could never hurt. So Leo went out and finished the dark deed, collected his reward, and proceeded to make both him and Aeris very pleased. Several times that night, in fact. Of course he could have just taken him out of the strip, but this IS Scott were talking about here. Now, when Leo uses the dark, secret brain piercing technique that Hobo was a master practitioner of, he is possessed by his vengeful, drunken spirit as an act of revenge. That must do wonders for his already fucked mental status...

edit Characters

Homicide

After a healthy crack binge, Leo is cut in front of at the mall for the last time.

Leo Leonardo III - Gray furry cat. Optimistic. Prone to volatile hallucinations. Roommates with Aeris and sure as hell knows how to enjoy a nice bottle of Everclear. Spends his time mainlining PCP with an an occasional Acid flashback thrown into the mix. Its pretty scary how quickly this guy can go from aloof dumbass to bloodthirsty psycho, like some Frank West shit. Also, hes Frank West. A lot of people make the mistake that Leo is mentally retarded, but is actually a hardcore burnout from doing so many drugs in his life. Has long since given up dealing cocaine as his main source of income, as well as hired killing. He slaughters just for fun nowadays. Has been classified as what Doctors call "Fucked in the head." Can rise from the dead, which creeps some people out. Hes pretty fucking crazy at Halo and Gears of war. Inventor of such deadly weapons as the rat-flail and Metal Gear.

Aeris - Pink furry cat. Bitchy. Known yaoi enthusiast. Is Leos friend and roommate. Her kindhearted and sensible nature usually gets her taken advantage of. Despite this, she can go from calm to full blown PMS surprisingly quick. Like all yaoi fangirls, she can be pretty damn iritating sometimes. Aeris did have a crush on Leo in high school, but is unknown at this point if the incredible sex they have involves any true feelings of love. Aeris was into card battling for a while before Leo told her to "Wake the fuck up and make my fucking dinner for once" or else he would hit her again. Named after Mary Sue FF7 character, who she does not act like. Dies occasionally like FF7 character.

Dr. Hobo - Bearded doctor, human. Smart. Secretive. Uses various alias (Known alias: Barney the Purple Dinosaur, Jackie Chan, You, The Last Title Is a Lie, and Pieman). Alcoholic and proud of it. Appears homeless. Is actually a bona fide doctor, and thusly has access to unreal amounts of drugs and medical marijuana, making him Leos preferred drug dealer. Prefers to dress up as a Hobo when out to kill people due to the fact that most police would shrug it off and never suspect the 'real' Dr. Hobo. His body was found on Christmas under a lamp post. Police didn't release details of the unfortunate event as "Nobody gives a shit about homeless people."


Pantsman - Insane superhero, human. Cynical. Weird. Failed PE twice. LSD connoisseur. Former artist, but went insane due to three ton artists block. Surprisingly good at battling evil toasters and washing pants. Second cousin of the infamous Hannakuh Monster. Not much else is known about this man, other than how to break into his bank account.


Krug - Confused red demon. Krug would describe himself as a renaissance man whose only goal in life is to find inner peace and spread good feelings across the globe. Unfortunately, his demonic mind thinks that senseless violence, murder, and eating Santa Claus counts as steps towards obtaining this goal. If you didn't receive anything for Christmas (even coal) you can blame Krug.


Johnny Evilguy - Calculating nut, human. Very little is known about Johnny, except that he enjoys dealing with testicles and cons people out of their money. Johnny is a few corndogs shy of a picnic. Manipulates random people into stealing testicles for him. Pity the men they are taken from.

edit External Links

VG Cats - The web comic itself. Also, any entertainment seen by the public as porn due to its fanbase.

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