V8 Supercar
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“Who's been a bad boy?”
~ Russell Ingall on Paul Morris
“You call this a shag wagon?”
~ Russell Ingall on Crapbox Commodore's Carpet
“Oh boy, he's really going to get it now!”
~ Paul Morris on James Courtney after he backdoored Morris
“Who cares about the Championship? I've just won Bathurst!”
~ Greg Murphy on The Championship
“Now it's time to see the big cunts, err...guns”
~ Neil Crompton on V8 Supercar Drivers
“That cunt stole my lion!”
~ Paul Morris on Neil Crompton
“Yep, I can drive too! I even won a race!”
~ Grant Denyer on Being more annoying the Eddie Macguire
“There's nothing better then watching two guys going at it!”
~ Matthew White on Hot, Competitive racing
Australians love two things: drinking and driving. No Australian can think of a better way to spend a long weekend than having a few drinks, driving 500 kilometres to a racetrack somewhere out in the bush, drinking a slabfull of beer, watching some other blokes driving around for a bit, having a few more stubbies (if the first slab's starting to wear off), trying to create the biggest groundpizza of the day or seeing if they can projectile vomit onto the track (extra points awarded for hitting a car or double points for getting it through the side window of the car) and then driving 500 miles back home.
This is where V8 Supercars racing comes in - alcohol fumes meet petrol fumes (The petrol is now alcohol, talk about drink driving!) in a dead-set, true-blue, green-and-gold, no-beg-pardons, if-you-don't-mind-umpire stoush between Ford and Holden.
All Australians are required by law to pick a side, though most find that their parents picked one for them at birth, long before they were christened and about the same time as they were put on the waiting list for membership of the Melbourne Cricket Club. Holden fans waggishly suggest that Ford stands for "Found on Rubbish Dumps", "Fixed or Repaired Daily", "Fucked on Race Day" and when reversed, it can stand for "Driver Returns on Foot", while Ford fans waggishly assert that Holden stands for "Holes, Oil Leaks, Dents and Engine Noise", "Hold On, Low Down Engine Noise" and "Hope Our Luck Doesn't End Now". They both had to collectively pitch in to ban the Skyline GT-R's in the early 90's because Holden and Ford knew they would never beat one on the track with such crap cars.
The beauty of V8 Supercars is that anyone can win, even the Indian taxi driver that Ford hired in their Top Team wannabe car, or the Asian dude from the Wiggles, driving the Big Red Car for Holden Racing Team. But one thing those series would want is the fact that passing happens often. Often you see guys start at the back of the grid and finish first, this means that either the driver is very good (at taking shortcuts) or his competition sucks. (Morris and Dumbrell often help out by clearing unwanted garbage at times.)
[edit] Kings of the Mountain
The highlight of the V8 season is always the James Hardie Asbestos 1000 at the sacred Viking burial mound of Mount Panorama, near Bathurst. An average of 1,000,000 spectators turn up to have a drink, so technically the cars can run on the alcohol exhaled by the crowd, but few teams like to do this as the lumps of carrot in the vomit can cause fuel-line blockages. Ugly, but hey, it's organic!
Drivers get together, some local and some internationally, just so the Aussies can laugh at their crummy driving skills. It's always good fun to see a punch up between father and son, Aussies and Kiwis and teammates alike! Just don't forget to bring your balaclava, otherwise you'll be getting Greg Murphy in your face.
In the time-honoured Australian tradition, the wallopers are chased off and their divvy vans turned over and set on fire, and with a bit of luck a kangaroo will get onto the track and get skittled by a Commodore, which is perfect for the barbie; Yep, Skippy still hasn't learnt not to play on the road.
Bathurst weekend is without a doubt the most important date on the Australian sporting calendar (AFL Grand Final, NRL Grand Final, Melbourne Cup, Australian Open tennis, Formula One Grand Prix, Boxing Day Test, Tri-nations rugby, and Anzac Day two-up). It is also the one event that enables foreign visitors to see contemporary Australian culture at its most drunk.
Sadly, in 1992, the joyous occasion turned to tragedy on "Sunday, Bloody Rotten Friggin' Bastard Sunday", when the trophy went overseas for the first time, having been won by the Godzilla Racing Team's Nissan Skyline GT-R. But only because it was raining, they had a turbo and a reliable car and the bastards had four-wheel-drive. Now let's never speak of it again.
[edit] The origins of Ford vs. Holden
In order to be taken seriously by the rest of th wrold, it is generally accepted that a nation needs to have a serious ethnic dispute of its own, a national wet t-shirt competition, or its very own nuclear arsenal. Aside from a minor rivalry with New Zealand (but they don't count as no-one takes them seriously, anyway), Australia has none of these. A national government enquiry into this found that creating a rivalry would be the best way forward, and so the Ford vs. Holden wars were created. Like England and Ireland, America and Canada, France and pretty much any other nation you could care to name, the creation of the Ford vs. Holden rivalry presented Australia with a simple problem: you're either red or you're blue, and there's no two ways about it.
The creation of this rivalry offered a multitude of possibilities, a term no Australian actually understood, and so everything degenerated into a Cold War mentality. Both sides of the conflict spent more and more on building faster and better cars and kept trying to find out what the other side was doing at the same time as they struggled to stop the other side from doing the same to them. This trend continued into the driver market, with respective sides stealing drivers away from one car to race another. At one point, all the Ford drivers were racing in Holdens and all the Holden drivers were in Fords.
[edit] Making it fun
To keep things interesting, V8 Supercar organisers and Australian Correctional Facilities make a point of participating in the race proper by placing obstacles such as cardboard boxes (some which contain convicted homeless drug addicts), washing machines, fridges, TV's, various Toyota vehicles, Mitsubishi Sigmas, Truck Tyres, convicted rapists(tied to the road), plastic bags (Known to make Falcons blow up), koalas, wallabies and dead kangaroos on the track to make a slalom course (which turns out to be a destruction derby). It is then up to the drivers to take the punt on whether the boxes are empty and they can plough through them Jackie Chan-style (pictured right), or whether that innocuous-looking pile of cardboard actually contains a prisoner or even worse the old engine block out of Grandpa's clapped-out Toyota Corona.
Other animals and objects commonly placed on the track for a bit of a laugh include wombats (those little bastards can knock your sump cover right up into your crankshaft), emus, tires, ball joints, old clothes, mattresses, old sofas, dead bodies, soccer balls, ball bearings, beer kegs, speed cameras, retired police cars, road signs, traffic ligths, speed limit signs, old holden V8 motors, broken down Mitsubishi Magnas and the classic favourite; TAC Advertising signs that say "speed kills" or "drink and drive, bloody idiots".
Most V8 Supercars drivers have their windscreen and driver's-side window covered in chicken wire to keep the beer bottles out. In recent years, advances in digital camera technology have enabled drivers to make a note of who's been throwing stuff at them, so that when they've finished necking the Moet on the podium they can fling the empty bottle at the bastard. Most Bathurst holiday packages include insurance that covers driver-inflicted magnum trauma.
Occasionally a rock will be thrown out onto the track mid race. This is referred to as the mid race chicane and is designed to test the driver skill. One year Dick Johnson was caught out by this and his Ford was not up to the beating endured and subsequently exploded. This resulted in a manipulation of the Australian public by breaking down in tears on national television and guilting the public into giving him money to build a stronger car, with a big-assed Kenworth bullbar, to contest the James Hardie Asbestos 1000 the next year. Too bad for him that Brockie won it anyway. Bloody Toranas. At least he won the championship, but who really cares about those?
[edit] Current Teams and Drivers
The current 2009 line-up is as follows:
Porker Vodafone Team (Hog) The best Ford team due to the fact they have coperations everywhere, heck they even had Lewis Hamilton race for them. They're that global and rich, they don't need Ford's stinking money because they made their millions in Pork. Anyone supporting them is known to have caught "Swine Poo" quick and proper down the throat.
1. Jamie Twincup Bra - Should really watch where she's driving, dinted poor Toodlers car overseas a while back. Won the championship despite not racing in New Zealand due to the fact that he bribes Mr Cocorine with Naked Pictures of him to make his illegal car legal.
888. Craig 'bushy eyebrows' lousy - Used to be the Golden Boy, now is the second fiddle thanks to covenently timed failures to prevent him from winning.
Really Shit Holden Team (Holden)
Apparantly the factory team, these guys can't win for crap and often win by bribing the offcials and other Holden teams to clear the way, thanks to their crazy boss, Uncle Tom.
2. Darth Varder - A 10 foot pole who married a showgirl that drives better then he does (Ironic that she drives for a tail end team) is often beaten by his younger teammate.
22. Will David - After a successful year driving a poor car to great results, people wonder what he'll do with a factory backed car. It's too bad he needs help from his teammates in order to do well.
Tasmanian Motorsport (Holden) Despite the name, they're actually Kiwis that seem to be good at Bathurst, so you can bet your bottom dollar they don't care about anything else. Crashing into them (Most likely the other way around) is likely to end up in an all out Brawl.
3. Jason Bagwanka - A midget that won Bathurst with a 10 foot pole. Crashes out often at Phillip Island in specacular fashion.
51. Geg Murph - Is living off the glory of "that lap." Needs to grow up and move on. Won Bathurst 3 times but hasn't done jack shit other than that. Knows how to use that big mouth of his to full advantage.
Stoned Brothers Racing (Ford)
Druggies, convicts, shamed movie stars and former Vice Presidents make up this team. They are usually the victims of most major incidents, be it the Holdens, Kiwis (They're usually Holden anyway) or Red Necks (Holdens as well). See a pattern here?
4. Al Gore - Promoted his green ways into V8 Supercar racing, its too bad he can't really perform out on the track. Then again, if you goit beaten by Bush, then you really suck.
9. Shame Van Gisbon - The Underaged Dutchman has been kicked out of New Zealand and now owes the Aussies some money after murdering his old team. This guy is said to be the next big thing; What for is still up for debate.
18. Captain Melbourne - Hero of Melbourne. Melbourne.... PUUUUUUUUUUNCH!!!!!!
Ford Pissweak Racing (Ford) The Ford factory team. They decided to cut fundings to all the other Ford teams because they were doing better then them. They want people to feel pity for them, but its a bit hard considering they have all the money and the cars to do it, must be the organic things between the wheel and the seat.
5. Mark Frozenass - Some sore loser that just can't find his "zone." Known to choke when the pressure's on. Was touted as the "Ford guy" now that 888 lost their money and decided to become Tr888r by swtiching over, but a few mishaps by car, driver, teammate and God has yielded rather poor results.
6. Stevie "Son of a" Retard - This guy doesn't know if he's Red or Blue. Just as big a choker if not more then Frozenass. Know to piss off Geg off by shoving a few up the arse, (Get your mind out of the Gutter! Although they did have something special in 1999.) Is shown to be the worst of the New Ford 6 Deal, makes you wonder why did they use his car for Bathurst? Misplaced battery sets the car on fire? Totally justified!
Redneck Racing (Formally Larry Perky Craddles) (Holden) The equiviliant of the Holden Young Lions team they had before, but they feed their babbies with Jack Daniels, making sure they help out the higher ranked Holden teams. It is sad to see a legend's team being reduced to this...
7. Redneck "Toddler" Kelly - The infint brother of Bucktooth, Can beat "pRick" Kelly on Bikes. Joined the team when they realiazed that they can't win with infants. His stupid pRick brother is better. His name is Toddler to reflect the youth policy at the team.
11. Jack "The Hack" Perky - Is only a tenth the age of his famous father, but has a thousandth of his talent. Is still better then the Kellys and Wood tho...
15. Bucktooth "pRick" Kelly - A yokel that won in 2006 after crashing into his main rivals, know for his catchphrase "If you can't beat 'em ... punt 'em off". Speculation is rife as to whether his balls will drop before he actually wins a race or vice versa.
16. Goodo Woodo - Offcial "take out" guy. (Red Rooster sponsers him!) Known to take out a few rivals all in the name of helping out the Kelly Brothers.
Back Out Car Racing (Holden)
A strong history of flipping people runs strong in this family. On the border of NSW and Victoria, they could claim that they are the only NSW team, but they're better of claimming they're Vics anyway.
8. Jase "Not Jimbo's Son" Retard - Some Kiwi that came out of nowhere, only to roll over. Claims to be the 2nd fastest driver ever.
?. Andy "On His Back" Jones - This guy is accused of flipping his Uncle many times. But flipping over does run in the family.
14. Cam McConman - A dirty conman, reported to have stolen points off the top runners, he can out run anyone, pity it isn't about running. Said to be the fittest man in pitlane.
?. Badass Jones - The original King of Spin, he could make the car spin around normally or on its roof. Unlike the new King, at least he can keep it in his pants.
Tool HSV Cheater Team (Holden) Another of Uncle Tom's franchises, except this one is run by the Kellys. The Kellys are so serious about winning, they got rid of their son Todd, its just too bad they replaced him with a total dumbass.
10. Paul Dumbass - Takes out his way better teammates, because he doesn't want them to outscore him, he can even ruin their races by not even getting into the car! Try telling him V8Supercars isn't a demolition derby.
His Holiness Racing(Ford) It's the Jeeman's team, easily the holiest team of the paddock. Look our for the water races, he'll win easily!
13. Jesus Christ - The son of god himself. Has the ability to win races without even trying, its too bad his car is not as reliable, maybe its the number on his car. (Why 13? Isn't that a bad Christian Number?)
Moby Dick Racing (Ford)
The oldest Ford team there is. Once a fisherman from Ipswitch, Big Dick decided to try his luck at the V8s, not only did he win a few races. he's got the most championships, but nobody remembers those, they only care about Bathurst, and we all know how Big Dick's gone at Bathurst...
17. Stevie J Dick - Is a son of a Dick and weighs just as much as the famous whale, it's said that his father thereats him with Japanese Pay Drivers to harpoon him is where he gets his speed. His heavy weight makes his whale-shaped Ford Territory V8 race box, built by FTG Auto Salvage, very slow, but yet somehow is contending for the Championship. Imangine if he weighed as much as a normal driver.
18. Jim Carrey - Fresh from the States, he's willing to do anything for TV Time. He got kicked out of Dancing with the Stars for shitty dancing. It just proves driving doesn't improve your ablity to dance. Got paid a million dollars to join the team, but is costing the team a lot more after he constantly destorys the cars he's not pleased with. He's smashes cars just as good as he races them: Woeful.
Poor Wanker's Racing (Holden)
Formally by the old man's father, Wanker decided that he was sick of being over lapped by the leaders, so he gave it up to look at even worser drivers getting overtaken, something he;s taken great joy in.
43. Matthew Dee - The team owner that was so crap at driving, he removed himself to give others a better chance.
50. Thomson Thompson- A bumbling decetive that used to probe other teams.
FFF - (Holden) Stands for Fucked Fordie Fiore, who claims is the team himself. Relies on others to sponser his car and was somehow able to attract a Biking world champion (not that biking world champion) to race with him.
12. Fuckin' Freddie Fiore- This mofo won't take any crap from those with better cars then him. He's running on dole money and yet outperforms those with bigger budgets. You've got to be worse then Luca Badoer in a Ferrari in order to lose to him (Although Badoer would be a few laps behind by the time Fiore's through with him.)
Cold Bundy Racing - (Holden)
While many have been debating if Cold Bundy Racing is a two man team or not, offcially it is, although the relationship with Team Intacar Racing says otherwise.
24. David Renyolds - Top Bloke. Always a star outside the track to all fans. Too bad the same can't be said on track.
Team Intacar Racing - (Ford) While many have been debating if Team Intacar Racing is a two man team or not, offcially it is, although the relationship with Cold Bundy Racing says otherwise.
77. Farkus Farceshall - A pay driver that somehow got the fastest ever lap at Winton ahead of the big names. Does that mean he's no longer a pay driver? Said to be a tool off the track. Too bad he's living of the luxaries of the money he earned to go back to racing, retired on a high - smart thinking!
Jason Dim Racing (Ford)
Started by a dumb Frontrunner who thought himself to be the greatest driver ever, so good that he could beat them in a scrapheap. Well, at least he can being his shitbox to the top 10, but often crashes out due to the sheer crapiness of the car, however, Dim is not as stupid as first thought, he made sure he got himself a wealthy paydriver to pay up, so he then can go on beating hacks in better cars. Is often seen with Tubby Taylor, often giving away free things, courtesy of the Paydriver so that his team gets more publicity. The bigger question remains, Is JDR a rich crap team or a great team with woeful reliablity?
25. Jason Dim - An unintelligent frontrunner who gave it all away just to be in a total shitbox of a car, being overlapped by the people he passed before. Seems to crash out more then finish...Foolishly accpted a deal with SBR, Being relegated to third in line and getting an even crapper deal.
Jolly Roger Motorship (Holden)
Used to be the Premier Youth Team for Holden, now is seen as a joke as Jolly Roger himself turned himself into a pimp and got himself some cool bling. While his wealth grows, his team suffers, but at least the team does have a purpose in Uncle Tom's plan.
33. Mr Holdsworth - a no name servent whose job is to give points to fellow Holden drivers by making pretend accidents.
34. Michelle Caruso - An Italian paydriver that somehow won the Tubby Taylor Series last year.
37. Dean Cunta - A bully, thrashes young little drivers in the Tubby Taylor Series, yet he can't race for crap in the main game.
DDD Racing - (Holden)
An awesome team that takes no crap from anyone (Although Tony Longhurst might have something to say about it) This team has a couple of grumpy old men, but hey, who doesn't like that show?
39. Rusty Imagirl - She's the Bridesmaid of just about every driver in the series. Is rumored to be getting dirty with DDD with seatcovers and crowbars.
67. Him Sladed - The true Kenny of the series. Gets killed by just about anything. With a little help form DDD, He started paying back the favour by knocking a few blocks. DDD would be proud.
?. Dirty Dangerous Dude - V8 Supercar's answer to Takuma Sato, he'll takeout anyone and give'em a large repair bill while notable getting away without a scratch. He totally raped Redneck Kelly and was suspended for a race for it, but he then came again and knocked Satan's block off. Promised to give Jim Carrey one soon. If he can't pass you, he'll either ram you or run over you (as one unfortuante driver found out the hard way.)
Rod Bashing Raching (Holden) Rod Bash and Tony Longhurst tried to run a team, but since they lacked the funds, they do what any great team would do, get a paydriver and be sponsered by an alcahol company. Brilliant!
55. Anthony D'Albert - An Italian paydriver that actually has talent, it's a pity he can't qualify for crap.
62. Steven Owe - Owes a lot of money after Autobarn sued him, now he's paying it off by driving for them. Scares people off with his different coloured eyes. Almost killed McConman at phillip island cause hes a retard.
Paul Crackpot Racing (Ford) A decent team thanks to the imported drivers they get. Ranging from the nephew of David Coulturd and the brother of Ishmeal Davidson. Where do they get them? WHo knows?
111. Fabian Coulturd - Nephew of David Coulturd and is far less talented then his Famous F1 uncle. Yet somehow seems to be the more successful one as Mark Webber owns up his uncle and somehow they found a pot of gold to make their crapbox go faster.
222. Jeremy Clarkson - The husband of the infamous Holden Driver. He's the only decent male driver in the world (He won the development series twice!) and can hold his own if a few blokes give him a tap from behind.
333. Chist Patrizi - Named after Jesus, not much can be said about this Pay Driver...yet, aside from the fact that his sponsers hate him so much, they do the Zidane on him.
Team Black Racing Another team that failed to make it to the grid after so much promise. At least they find a way to make constant income by doing other things. Do remember, they were race drivers before being known as "That Prick on 7" and "That cunt who can't sing."
29. Grant Denyer - Dangerous when exhausted, will have sex with a Black man His smile rivals that of Satan and looking at it will cause blindness. Now that he has won a race, he's getting his grove back on, it's too bad he broke his back while driving a monster truck, (or rather, a Hilux.)
69. Shannon Noll - Driving around in the Wiggles Big Red Car, often ends disputes with a boxing match. (Much like Pual Morris, except he loses his matches.
[edit] 2009 Calender
There are 14 rounds in the season. Every part of Australia is covered except the ACT, Which John Howard complained about because he couldn't hold his meetings as everyone was too interested in seeing a whale win a race. Instead, we go to a desert island (or two), it would've been cheaper to race in the middle of Australia, but Mr Cocharine wanted global appeal, so yeah. We used to go to China, but that was before the crappy track conditions nearly killed all the Kiwi drivers.
An interesting thing to note is that every track is somehow involved to F1. Who ever said that the V8's weren't ripping off the FIA?
0. Fat Albert Park 100 VIC
Not actually a race, because under good agreements with the FIA, They are the only reason keeping F1 in Australia, but then again, its in Melbourne, they'll watch just about anything if the word Sport is involved. This is the only race where its really Ford vs Holden as they are split at the grid, so meaning even if you qualify as the 10th fastest, if you're the 10th fastest Ford, you'd start 20th. The winners of this race was McConville and Richards after every one tipped it was going to be sunny but wasn't and due to the fact they can't pit, were stuck on Drys, meaning the bottom rung drivers drove to a 1-2. Clever bastards eh?
1. Clip All 500 SA
Where the season actually starts. Unlike other street circuits, this one is actually exicting. Carrey casued yet another pile up which left
2. Lewis Hamelton 400 NZ
Named after the British (Not that you could actually tell, no facial hair what-so-ever)F1 Champion.
3. Win None 400 VIC
The Vixen teams' home ground and as usual, a breeding ground for the Moroons
4. Frodo's Ring Challenge 400 TAS
The biggest event in Tassie without the main attraction. Since they perfer tight ends to fast straights, they decided their race will be "Who can use up all their break pads without it all running out."
5. King Dick's Crown Down Unda 400 NT
Crikey! Sport in the NT? Bonza! The Top End went Troppo when the boys made thier way through the scorcing hot desert to get some action with the most dangerous creatures alive. This race is sort of like Bathurst, but rather then Kangeroo's to avoid (or hit), its crocs, snakes, and spider as big as man. This circuit is not meant for the faint of heart.
6. Redneck Tyres 400 QLD
Yet another Street Circuit race. The big boss argues that street cars are meant for street circuits, can't argue with that logic.
7. Sand Down Killer Viruses 360 VIC
The old enduro track and the one that locals know will bring a big boost to water reserves. This is THE Melbourne race, four seasons in one race, hailstorms as big as your head and a chance to slip slide away in the World's Most Livable city. Hold on, its in Dandenong? Oh crap...
8. The Paperclip 400 QLD The Moroons teams' home ground and as usual, a breeding ground for the Vixens.
9. Sydney to Melbourne Hume Cannonball 1000 run.
'10. BATHURST (Supa Cheap Too) 1000 NSW '
The big one, people only remember this race, nothing else. If a dud wins it, forever he'll be known as a true racing champion and touted to be better then all of the best drivers in the world combined, because let's face it:
Bathurst>>>>>>A googal Lightyears>>>>>F1>>>>Other "Big" Crap>>>>>>Tin Tops and Open Wheel>>>>>>NASCAR>>>>>>>>Indy>>>>>>>>x100000>>>>>A1.
And every Aussie driver knows so. Marcus Ambrose may have been the best thing Tassie every produced (even better then Ricky and more lovable) but he won't be remembered because he didn't win Bathurst, no actually, he'll be remembered as the idiot that got into a fistfight with a Kiwi because he forgot to put on a balaclava.
Anyway...
11. (Generic Race Event)<---No more. Now V8 SXY TYME OH YEAH! OVER 9000! QLD
That very popular F1 ripoff that was making its way here forgot their passports and therefore couldn't make it to the Gold Coast, the only place where you'll see more boobs then cars, and by that we mean mistakes, although you do see the fleshy ones too, just make sure its not Holdsworth's.
12. Krudd's Awesome 20-20 (Laps not race distance, stupid Pollies.) around Parliment House ACT
13. Oh la la Camels on an Island 400 BAH (Cancelled)
To satisfy the big boss' fetishes, the boys decided to head up a little more North then usual to Bahrain, although that idiots from New Zealand thought they were going to Central Australia to race. After hearing that, everyone thought it would be a good idea to try racing around Uluru. But unfortuantly, some of the locals were not amused by a bunch of Yobbos in fully sick Commodores and Falcons spreading alcohol in the air. So they decided to go home and do whatever professional drivers do when they get home. Meanwhile, the Big Boss was not liking what he was seeing on TV.
13. Not That Stupid Penguin Island Again 400 VIC
After deciding that the Middle East was a bad choice after seeing the F1 race. They decided to try a familiar approach: Car Racing+Penguins-Duddy Co Driver=Awesome.
14. Want a BBQ Roo 300 WA
The boys were looking up their map on which state they haven't been to yet. Aside from Tander and McNally, none of them reliased they haven't been to the most isolated city in the whole world, then again, there is a reason for that.
15. Home for Bush 500 NSW
What can you say? If the Americans have oval tracks, then the Australians lay a claim to Square tracks, at least that way, you can actually pass cars while it shows the amount of skill needed to break into corners, just like old Hockienhiem without the boring hairpin, clever!
[edit] 2009 Championship Table
| Rank | Number | Driver | Team | Points |
| Title | Author / publisher |
| Brock, Stock, and One Smoking Two-Barrel Carbie | Peter Brock |
| How I Had Sex With Every Woman, Apart From My Fake Wife | Peter Brock |
| No, Honestly, I'm Not Bonkers - Putting that Crystal in the Engine Really Does Make Your Car Go Faster (I Just Don't Have the $750,000 for Scientific Validation) | Peter Brock |
| We're Not Making That Stupid Peter Brock Crystal Car Anymore (1996 press release) | Holden Australia |
| How to throw everything away by going to a crap team | Craig Lowndes |
| Getting it done on your back | Brad Jones |
| I Should Have Stuck to Motorbikes | Wayne Gardner |
| Cenovis Vitamins Pty Ltd Annual Report 1996 | Alan Moffat |
| Have you, have you, have you, have you driven a Ford... lately? | Dick Johnson |
| How to piss off your brother, teammate and your rival by being an arrogent prick and crashing into them | Rick Kelly |
| Meat Pies, Kangaroos and VB Commodores | Mark Skaife |
| Getting dirty on the racetrack | Dirty Dangerous Dude |
[edit] See also
[edit] External links
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