Uzbekistan
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“Assholes!”
~ Borat on Uzbekistan
“You don't know where Uzbekistan is?? Shame on you!!”
~ Your 7th grade Social Studies Teacher on Uzbekistan
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| Motto: "Clense the infidels, and cover the earth in a sicky white substance!" | |||||
| Anthem: "We are the champions" | |||||
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| Capital | Tashkentstan | ||||
| Largest city | Groznystan | ||||
| Official languages | Yiddish , Mexican, Shebrew | ||||
| Government | Terrorist Republic | ||||
| President | St. Patrick | ||||
| Rip Taylor | |||||
| National Hero(es) | St. Patrick Adolf Hitler Black Jesus Jack Thompson Captain D | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | November 12th, 1989 from Soviet Onion | ||||
| Currency | The 7.62mm x 39 FMJ Round | ||||
| Religion | 86% Jizzlam, 10% Jedi, 4% Scientology | ||||
| Major exports | Camels, Sand, Islamic Terrorists, Jewish Terrorist, Twinkies, Nintendo Wiis, Jizz | ||||
| Major imports | Battle Penguins. Spandex | ||||
Uzbekistan (Uzbek:Uzbekistan, English: Jews-Pakistan, Arabic: Doesn't matter, Kazakh: Assholes) (not to be confused with Jewsbekistan) is a country in Central Asia located just north of Mordor and to the east of Coruscant. According to Kazakhstani leader Borat, all citizens of Uzbekistan have bone in their brain. There is no record of anyone ever living in Uzbekistan, yet it is quite possibly the most polluted place on Earth. It is a country of Mongoosees who are often referred to as "people. The Uzebekistani "people worship paper napkins and it is illegal to say anything involving widgets or else the espos will take you away to happy-land. Never, ever, ever let them take you to happy-land.
The government in Uzebekistan is led each week by a sort of executive officer who makes decisions that get run by a council of elder cheeses. As cheese can't talk to either veto or pass the legislation, nothing is ever done in the Uzbekistani government. Nevertheless the country has been plagued by military coup d'etats. Uzbekistan is also a member of the orginization, Countries That Have A Name That Ends With Stan (CTHANTEWS) with other illustrious members including: Afganistan, Kazakhstan, Pakistan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan Gamla Stan, Maidupystan and the United Spades of Amerika.
Uzbekistan was founded in 3.1415926th century BC by Jesus after a night of heavy drinking. Its main exports are picklium, imitation imitation rolexes, pirate gold, chemically contaminated cotton and exotic diseases.
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[edit] Uzbek Politics
Uzbekistan's political climate is widely seen as the guiding light of the rest of the world, and anyone who says otherwise will be tortured. The country's constitution states that homosexuals, Muslims, women, children, and other minority groups all have an equal right to be tortured. The judicial system operates a "harsh-but-fair" policy, provided you consider torture "fair". Uzbek politicians enjoy free speech, provided they don't disagree with the president, in which case they are tortured. Uzbekistan is one of the main upholders of human rights in the world, and if you should adopt an opposing you viewpoint, you might have a claim to torture. Uzbekistan enjoys good diplomatic relations with the USA, but it is widely believed that the US can never live up to the high standards of liberty, freedom and justice enjoyed by all Uzbeks, or else.
The name Uzbekistan stems from a minor misunderstanding. In 766 B.C. Hooklanargraffybolpine asked for dictatorial power over the country of Nut Bust. (now known as Uzbekistan) The government panel said "You bet you can."
The media thought they said Uzbekistan so thats what they told everyone. Hooklanargraffybolpine gained dictatorial powers. Liking the sound of the word Uzbekistan he changed the countries name to it, after which he was toppled, maimed and tortured by the even more bloody thirsty tyrants 'limp-a-long' and his pretend mongol grandad 'greasy hair'.
In 1990 Uzbekistan was bombed by Kazaki Catapults.
A recent survey carried out by the government of Daily Mail has shown that there is currently one homosexual in Uzbekistan, and that he is very lonely.
[edit] Religion
After WWIV, many Uzbekies were forced into Scientology (a fate worse than death) by President Douchefag Tom Cruise who thought "Those fucking Thetons caused all of us to not go see my new movie!!" Hearing the cries of torturted souls going through auditing, jizzlam priest St. Patrick jumped onto his flying nimbus and confronted Tom Cruise. After an epic battle, mostly consiting of jizzing and psycho rants, St. Patrick kicked Cruise's sorry jizz covered ass and his scientology ways to China. Many converted to jizzlam or the native religion of the Uzbekies, Jedi. St. Patrick became new ruler of Uzbekistan. Those who apposed him were jizzed on. Local religion also strongly forbids the act of smoking, due to the holiness of smoke.
[edit] Geography
Uzbekistan has inferior potassium to Kazakhstan. It also cannot compete with Kazakhstan's Tenshein Swimming Pool (which has length: 30 Patricks width: 6 Patricks).
Come to Uzbekistan and enjoy the beautiful landscape filled with goats, sheep, industry and man with beard.
All stans have mahoosive mountains, but chuck norris is still bigger
[edit] Poopooland
Poopooland, often referred as "Dennis," is a continent located off Uzbekistan's southern coast of Asia. Including Jose Reyes, Mickey Mouse (a blood-sucking vampire that was unfortunately accused of raping young children), and Jafar from Aladdin as the sector's leaders, they are led by an overlord named Bill, just Bill. That's literally his name, "Bill, Just Billy Wai Kit CHeung." Not Jason, not Mickey Mouse, not Billy Wai Kit CHeung, just Billy Wai Kit CHeung.
[edit] Uzbek language
If you happen to come to Uzbekistan, you should learn Great Uzbek Language (well, actually more than 99.9% of Uzbekistani population doesn't understand it and speaks in Russian). Especially you should remember this list of useful phrases:
