“In Soviet Russia, cereal eats you.”
“I smell a metaphor or something.”
“When it comes to sticking bad things in my mouth, I am the master.”
Have a Disaster in Your Bowl
Uwe Bowls are a brand of high fiber (and low content) cereal that has replaced the popular You Bowls of cereal after a re-branding by the new German CEO.
A Breakfast to Die For
Now with Uwe Bowls you can start your morning right with a bowl full of fail(hemorrhaging optional). Because not everyone has the privilege of choking down an entire bowl of industrial waste. Poor kids in Africa wouldn’t mind the blindness caused by our cereal (unproven by those assholes at the FDA) for a chance to suck down something other than dirt and monkeys. So why not take a bite?!! (before it bites you.)
One Hamster Short of a Spinning Wheel
Uwe Bowls come in many artificial flavors resembling strawberry, grape...or many, many unfortunate others; but none of them are particularly tasty or popular. Many fans of the more traditional brand of You Cereal feel the new flavors are just a ripoff of the old. Despite the fact that nobody likes Uwe Bowls, our company insists on producing more cereal, every new flavor more shitty than the last. Some of these new mediocre and uninspiring flavors can be seen below. Now in a store (or landfill) near you!!
- Angry Strawberry
- I Can't Believe It's Not Strawberry
- Grape Or Something Similar
- Non-toxic Yellow
- Than Time You Taken a Trip to Grandmas House and Had a Journey of Self-discovery by Accident
- Potato and a Half
- Soylent Orange