User talk:Winstanley1

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edit Welcome!

Hello, Winstanley1, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for n00bs:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, or ask at the Dump. Again, welcome! —Sir Major Hinoa [TALK] [KUN] 19:10, 14 June 2006 (UTC)

edit The Wilde Project

Hello, Mr. Winstanley... I'm Some user, a mysterious relic of Uncyclopedia's not-so-distant past. I noticed that recently you were talking about the need to do something about the Oscar Wilde article, as in rewrite it completely, and that you'd even started on it to some extent.

If you're interested, I'm about to resurrect The So-Called "Wilde Project" — by first creating a proper portal page, keeping only the alphabetical index of quote templates, and then setting up about a dozen or so sub-pages. Material from the current Wilde article and Making up Oscar Wilde quotes would then be "offloaded" into the sub-pages, all in the separate Wilde: namespace - this would be done very slowly and methodically, so as not to create a lot of fuss. Ultimately we'd have a much smaller, more manageable Oscar Wilde article (i.e., mostly just a simple biography, not the random-attempt-at-humor behemoth it is now). In theory, the remains could then be properly, and more easily, rewritten — with less interference from AnonIP's, link spammers, and people who laugh at bad fart jokes.

That's my plan, anyway, for what it's worth... Whaddya think? There's no rush, of course.  c • > • cunwapquc? 05:51, 16 November 2006 (UTC)

I'd be happy to help. I added what I've done so far to your talkpage.--Winstanley1 13:33, 16 November 2006 (UTC)
Okay! It's a good start. The constant reverts will be the main problem, of course... It's the most heavily-edited article on the entire website, so you can't go into something like this without a well thought-out plan. The people involved - and I'm thinking we need about four or five, if only for "tag-teaming" - aren't exactly going to be super-popular because of their role in it. In a way, this is an ideal job for people who are vaguely angry at Uncyclopedia and likely to remain so, but still care about quality and keeping the site worth visiting. That means me, of course, and I can think of a few others, but that's basically where it's at. And yes, I know I'm taking the whole thing way too seriously.  c • > • cunwapquc? 02:17, 17 November 2006 (UTC)

edit Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde.

“He is a man I greatly admire.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Oscar Wilde

The life of Oscar Wilde.Described from the memorandum of his friends relatives, enemies, acquaintances, and’ intimate’ acquaintances.

edit His Birth and Childhood.

“I was born in Dublin, because I wanted to be close to my mother.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Oscar Wilde


Wilde in his famous post-binge drinking slouch, his drink of choice being Passion Pop.

Extract from the Memoirs of Sir William Wilde:

I could tell young Oscar wasn’t like the other babies, he wore a cravat, and smoked. Whereas other children cried because they were hungry, Oscar cried because he thought the hospital was ‘An aesthetic wilderness,’ He said the wallpaper wasn’t quite up to standard, it looked like it had been newly vomited onto the walls by insects, even more disturbingly the food looked identical. Oscar said it was “The product of a disturbed mind.” And that “It would take a diseased psyche to do things like that to walls.” He told me English hospitals were twenty years behind the French, who cured tumours with philosophy, and could butter croissants using only the power of their minds. He said that french doctors had no need of medicine, they simply argued with the diseases, till they killed themselves.

Oscar didn’t get along with the other children ever since they expressed no interest in discussing Plato, or any other Greek homosexuals Oscar cared to mention. ‘What is wrong with these people?’ he cried. ‘I lent one of them the times crossword today, he ate it, and produced a gurgling noise. This behaviour is impossible to tolerate. I shall complain. I find the excuse that they are ‘babies’ quite pathetic. It’s wearing very thin. Someone has stolen my cigars and regurgitated them, who in gods name was it? If things do not improve I shall abandon the society of these so called babies altogether; I find them, decidedly childish, I abhor the company of such ignorant dullards. ”

Extract from the Journal of Jane Francesca Wilde:

Oscar was very critical of the hospital cuisine today and refused to eat anything. He announced to the whole ward that only ‘uncouth degenerates, and trurps swilling imibceles’ would dare debase themselves by drinking milk, and that in future he would prefer to be given a ‘snifter of port’. It was most imbarecing, in the same dredful catogory of faux pas as passing the port diagonally! Or using a lavatory before before the commanding officer, the shame! I shall have to bribe the witnisses. As most of them are babies I shall have to explain the concept of money and bribes to them before hand. What a nusance!


Oscar Wilde, In one of his less flamboyant outfits.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, he spent last night Reducing the other babies to state of insensible wailing and dribbling with his barbed wit. They found the acid quips about their baldness and table manners particularly hurtful. As for their dress sense, Oscar said he could quite understand why they shat in those dreadful cotton rags they wore, as turd was the only thing they were fit to carry. They were all physical wrecks afterwards. None of them could string a coherent sentence together. I suppose the will be deprived of their reason for months and years to come. Some couldn’t walk afterwards; others had no hair, although many had no hair to begin with.”

Another Extract from the Memoirs of Sir William Wilde:

As a child he was rather crtitcal of my dress sense insisting that I should wear ‘Something in blue satin’ to ‘bring out my eyes.’ He dispeared at my wearing a bowler hat, stating that it was a ghastley nuevo riche eysore


Oscar Wilde may also be in God's waiting room. Who knows?

edit Schooldays.

“Ah yes I remember Wilde, terribly wicked and unruly, on one occasion he stole the discipline master’s beating cane, decorated it with sequins and peacock feathers, then returned it the next day. Announcing that he had turned ‘A device of pain, into an object of beauty.’ Insolent little tick, I had the prefects beat him with cricket bats, it had no effect. Actually if I didn’t know better, I’d say he enjoyed the whole thing.” -Geoffrey Worthington, Headmaster, Portora Royal School.

“My schooldays were an endless procession of Beatings and cold showers, with porridge in between. Curse that porridge it has blighted all my days!” -Oscar Wilde.

edit University and Aestheticism.

“All art is quite worthless, but disposing of it would merly clog up the drains.” ”

“He was the talk of the entire collage. He began decorating his rooms in an ouragiously decadant manner, with peacock feathers, lilies, sunflowers, blue china and other objets d'art. He said that the noble sport of rowing was ‘piffle’ and the ‘pointless exertion of wreched cretins’ who ‘deserve to sufficate like insects in their own repugant sweat’ As you can probably tell he became rather unpopular." -Thomas Winchester,Proffesor of english literature, Magdalen College Oxford.

“Decadance is merly a desire for high standards, why have toliet roll’s made of paper when they could be made of gold leaf? Why have a gravel driveway,when diamonds would be far more decorative. Why have cornflakes for breakfast, when one could have cocaine?” -Oscar Wilde.

“We taught that loathsome insect the value of manners, We threw a pint in his face, him in the river, and his furniture down a well.” Tarquin Montague, Captain of the Oxford rowing team 1878.

“Montague may have been a cad, but he had very nice eyes.” -Oscar Wilde.

edit The Queensberry scandal

“My father grew ridgid and bleated like a goat whenever he heard Wildes name. And insisted I was to have nothing to do with a man interested in “Grossly indecient cucumber matters.”-The Lord Alfred Bruce Douglas,nicknamed "Bosie",

“I planned to interrupt the opening night of The Importance of Being Earnest with an insulting delivery of vegetables, but somebody tipped Wilde off. And he had me nailed into a hatbox. And mailed to siberia” John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry

“The Marquess of Queensberry punched me in the face, he had soft warm hands with tastefully manacured nails. I asked him to dinner. He punched me again. I think secretly he must have liked me. Who could fail to? -Oscar Wilde.

“We had a love-hate relationship, mostly hate.”John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry

“Oscar decided to sue my father for libel, slander and loss of appitite. After reciving a card bearing the inscription "To Oscar Wilde, posing as a Sodomite". Two days later he called him a ‘whoopsy’, tweeked his nose and ate his best silk hat.” -The Lord Alfred Bruce Douglas,nicknamed "Bosie",

“I remember the first time I saw "Bosie", I cried “This is the boy for me!” and sat on his lap. But there was nothing going on between us. Of course we slept in the same bed, but nothing indecient took place, we just played scrabble.” -Oscar Wilde.

“His scrabble defence was torn apart by the prosecution, it was filmsier than the dress he was wearing.”''John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry

“I admit the floral gown was a mistake, it gave the jury the wrong impression. As did my habit of adressing the judge as ‘darling’.” -Oscar Wilde

edit Conceptual Art

Don't take this the wrong way, but is the spelling and grammar of the "Who is the Penguin?" section of Conceptual Art meant to be bad? -- Mitch Icons-flag-au 15:03, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

edit I've got to ask

Are you actually from Winstanley? -- Hindleyite Converse 20:54, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

edit UnBooks:Odesseyus

Just read this piece -- it's frightfully dam' good. My best congratulations. --OEJ 15:29, 26 March 2007 (UTC)

edit Affordable Monthly Payments

As you can see by my nomination, I think this is VFH material, but it's still a bit of a formatting nightmare o__O I rearranged a few images to prevent the images dominating the text, and it seems like all would be fixed now if the top banner was just extended a few hundred more pixels wide. --TKF 04:24, 5 April 2007 (UTC)

edit Celebrity Manufacture

I posted something on the discussion page for the article regarding the weakenesses that need to be addressed. I really have to encourage you to place this under Pee Review for more help. Dame PPsigPPlips.gifGUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 00:47, 14 April 2007 (UTC)

Love what you've done with this. Think you're on to a real winner. :) -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

edit Your suggestions on Biggleswade F.C.

Thanks again for your suggestions. I've done a couple of player interviews -- bringing the players back from the dead via "Uncyclopedia's patented reconstitution process" -- but the bastards don't seem to want to talk about football. It's funny how that works sometimes. Anyway, your suggestion has caused me a great deal of fun. Thanks again. ----OEJ 20:50, 28 April 2007 (UTC)

edit I Shall Shower You With Yellowy Goodness

GoldenShower Rejoice, Winstanley1! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Thanks For Your Review And Your Awesome Contribs To Blandford.--→☃☭Mr.Huffy☭☃← 20:58, 29 April 2007 (UTC)

edit A Grateful Llama

Thanks for responding to my pee review. I've been waiting a while for someone to do that. It really helped, believe me. -- The Llama Llover!!! 16:04, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

edit A Grateful Hatter

And thanks for your suggestions for The Archers - have begun shoring up the foundations. Strangely enough I am only a stone's throw from Blandford, if you're particularly good at throwing stones, that is. Hey, that gives me an idea for something to do of an evening... --Asahatter 17:39, 30 April 2007 (UTC) Many thanks for the pointers - think I have incorporated many of your suggestions now and tried to steer clear of Blandford because that article has a common thread, but a very different germinating seed - they both happened to arise at a similar time. Any more help or contributions would be appreciated... many Brits will get this, but there is potential for the non-Brit audience too.

edit Blandford

Our page about Blandford is better than some rich tea biscuits on a Sunday mourning after killing off a few tourists, Thanks to you. Do you think we should Seft-Nominate it for vfh? I think it just needs a good old spealling and gammaer check and a bit of fixing with it's format and it will be ready. Well that is what I think. What's your opinion.--SIR T H A T G U Y H U F F E D M E Snowman throw a snowball Snowman 08:26, 6 May 2007 (UTC)

Ok I have made a template if our page gets fretured to thank people if they vote for it

I fixed most of the spelling stuff you have a look at it just to be sure

--SIR T H A T G U Y H U F F E D M E Snowman throw a snowball Snowman 11:46, 6 May 2007 (UTC)

Well it seems NeedABrain Nominated it before we could! Vote for it--SIR T H A T G U Y H U F F E D M E Snowman throw a snowball Snowman 02:51, 7 May 2007 (UTC)

edit Celebrity Manufacture

That article is brilliant. I'm lovin' it --THE 01:20, 22 May 2007 (UTC)

And about time it was featured too. Congratulations. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

edit No Problem

I'm rooting for it. -RAHB 23:05, 22 June 2007 (UTC)

edit You Real Funny and Whatnot

Your writing makes me laugh hard enough to warrant posting this actual personalized message on your userpage. Bask in the mediocre glory of being complimented by me! Seriously, good job.

-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk)01:09, 27 June 2007 (UTC)

edit Side effect of good articles

Hey, I just joined this weird place, and I totally and completely redid the Side effects article. Maybe you could add your two cents, seeing as how you're an admin and such. Thanks, hope to hear from ya. --Cajek 05:18, 2 July 2007 (UTC)

edit unused image

Hi, where are you using this? If it's something you want to keep, you need to tag it with {{notorphan|page name}}, with "page name" being the page or template where you are using the image. Thanks -- sannse@fandom (talk) 21:40, 3 July 2007 (UTC)

edit Thanks!

Thanks oh so much for voting For on my first feature! Hooray! ~ Dame Ceridwyn ~ talk DUN VoNSE arc2.0 09:56, 10 July 2007

edit UnBooks:Surgical Phone

Thanks for your review of my article, your comments and suggestions were extreamly helpful.

Would you be willing to re-review this article once I've incorperated your suggestions and done more re-writing? --Winstanley1 22:01, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

Yes, no problem. Give us a nudge when it's ready. --OliverKnight 22:07, 18 December 2007 (UTC)

I've just whistled through this after it was pointed out on VFH that there were a few spelling and grammar problems, hope you don't mind! One thing I didn't change though: you're not 100% consistent with your ise/ize endings, you might just want to pick one to stick with and nip through and change the others. Shouldn't take long. Really nice article though - I'm really enjoying your stuff. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 16:16, 2 January 2008 (UTC)

edit UnBooks:Tarquin Middleton: My Battle with Depression. (praise in template form)

Crabster local small I, Orian57, hereby award you with this fancy crab-hat (modeled by this lovely 16 year old) as I deem you in some way exceptional, although don't take this personally, I'm not well.

Seriously this was a brilliant article! Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog|Icons-flag-gbOrian57 06:03, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

It's true, it was fucking epic. The only thing I'd recommend is a look-through to touch of some spelling/grammar stuff; most of it was minor, but it's the polish that'll guarantee you a top 10 of '08 nod, if nothing else. - Don Leddy the Crunch Fedora (Nyah, see, nyah!) 22:38, May 5


SORRY FOR MAYBE COMING OFF AS A LITTLE OVEREXCITED BUT HOLY SHIT YOU JUST BEEN EDITING AND IT ISN'T SOME SORT OF CRAZY OPTICAL ILLUSION THIS TIME. From a fan to one of his favorite internet comedy authors, may I be the first to say it's great to have you around again (and also your vote on Freezer, but that's completely incidental to the fact that WHATS UP YOU'RE BACK). --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 00:27, July 18, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, I finally have time to write again, so I'll probably be editing quite often. In fact I just started writing a new article: UnBooks:The Succession Speeches of Three Roman Emperors. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Winstanley1 (talk • contribs)

Yeah, where you been for four years... ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Jul 18 '12 9:28 (UTC)
This is literally the best thing to happen to Uncyclopedia since 2008. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 16:11, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
If we can return this lost sheep to the fold, we might be able to get back...Cajek! Or...TheLedBalloon! Or...Ljlego! Or...Hyperbole! Or ...Savethemooses! Or ...(puts fingers in mouth, piddles self in ecstasy of anticipation) HARDWICK FUNDLEBUGGY!!! (faints)  ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usWed, Jul 18 '12 16:42 (UTC)

On a less hyperbolic note, your fine article Affordable Monthly Payments was formattingly butchered by skin changes and an inattentive image deletion bot. I was able to hack up the images some time ago but I'm too dumb in the ways of clever formatting to make it as readable as it once was. Got any ideas (I'm askin' this to Bizzee too, you dastardly internet wizard you) --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 01:44, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

I think I've managed to fix it by reducing the image size by a few pixels. To keep busy I'm working on UnBooks:The Succession Speeches of Three Roman Emperors and on trying expand this article: Extreme Piano Playing is a promising idea, but I'm a little stuck on how to develop it further. --Winstanley1 (talk) 22:28, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

edit iBauer

Thank you very much for your vote. I always used to thank people (until someone acted like a bent prick). But it is a nice gesture and I want to continue it. Much appreciated! Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 10:45, Aug 15

edit Congratulations

Writer of the month Writer of the Month August 2012

Well done, well deserved. --Chiefjustice32X 06:27, September 1, 2012 (UTC)

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