User talk:Why do I need to provide this?/archive8

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct

By POTR

Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses.

One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak.

"The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?.

A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created.

"The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing.

Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie

By POTR

Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban.

Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words.

Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban.

Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means.

When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!"

Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t))
MrN9000 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?)
Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.)

Biopic of the Week

Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him.

Usurping of the Week

The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response.

Stand-in of the Week

It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt."

This editorial team couldn't agree more.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

edit UnSignpost

Need something to put into Unsignpost now that UU is otherwise occupied. Have you got any news? Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 03:05, 23/02/2010

Sorry, whoever you are, but I don't have any news, other than a new colonization will begin in early March. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 23:48, February 25, 2010 (UTC)

BTW - just had a look at Evolution. Given we have linked back to it a few times this may need to have a little loving. Have a look at let me know what you think, but I'd say a {{rewrite}} may not be out of the question.

GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 01:22, 26/02/2010

Feel free to nom it for Colonization. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 01:24, February 26, 2010 (UTC)

edit IC BATMAN HAS BEGUN

ZOWIE Colonizer! Our next colonization is announced: BATMAN. As you're one of the few brave enough to POW take on Batman himself, meaning you volunteered to help do it, you're receiving this special dark knight notice. We are now planning to put together what may well become the greatest superhero WOW of all time! Or maybe a kid who hands players bats. Or maybe.... Get your mind stimulated, flap those fleshy, featherless wings and ZIP! fly out of the batcave and get to colonizing! (Or if you don't care about this overly-dramatic four-color dialog, just go to Uncyclopedia_talk:Imperial_Colonization/project and post your ideas.) Over and out. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 06:10, February 28, 2010 (UTC)

edit Hey Jude Dude!

Congratulations
You have been awarded the secret purple nurples for outstanding acts of uselessness!
[[{|]] [[|}]]

As always :D – (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 08:26, 1 March 2010

edit Earned...

Family Ninjastar

Awarded for mentorship of a user who became a CUN or higher.
–HELPME

Yeah, for that HELPME guy. He's awesome, just so you know. NOTHELPME, that one really awesome guy

Hey, cool! Now I don't have to stoop so low as to award this to myself! Excellent! Thanks son--oh, I mean thanks some person who really isn't my adoptee. ;-) WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 21:10, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Also earned is apparently:

One Get-Out-of-Ban-Free card, which expires the first of each month.
A stolen credit card.
A card from a standard deck of 52. Pick a card, any card.
My card. Call me ;)

GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 05:59, 3/03/2010

Oh yeah. Just when I thought I'd already won the most useless award on Unc, I won an even more useless one not because I deserved it, but because I did some serious nom whoring. I should be deeply ashamed. But I'm not. But maybe I can use the Get-Out-of-Ban-Free card; that seems useful. So thanks! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 22:08, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit Imperial Colonization: Creationism and Batman

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on my talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == Your comments == below my signature and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

edit The seventh day of Creationism

If you haven't heard the rumour, it's true. The new and improved and absolutely perfect version of Creationism has been created. And because it was so perfect, we got it Pee Reviewed so it could be even more perfect. Post-review edits are being done, and will be completed very soon so our colonized version can replace the current Creationism.

I gave credit on The Big Board to every colonizer who worked on the article (if I somehow missed you, put a note on my talk page). I really appreciate everyone's help; I think we have a great article. If this gets featured, however, I feel that only those who made the more substantial contributions should get co-feature credit. Otherwise, someone could add two words and get 1/2 credit for writing a feature article, which doesn't seem fair. (But note that half a dozen people or more could each get 1/2 credit; that's one of the advantages of being a colonizer as aren't limited by the laws of mathematics). Any opinions on this or anything in this notice are welcome on the IC talk page. Buccaneers traditionally work by group consensus, and I'm all for ~~sharing the blame~~ tradition.

edit I'm Batman

Our current colonization is Batman. Writing on it begins now. By consensus built over the past few days, this will feature a psychiatrist talking with Bruce Wayne, a delusional Arkham Asylum mental patient who thinks he is some hero named Batman--or is he delusional? See I'M BATMAN for the guidelines for this article.

Any colonizer is welcome to edit the article! Any non-colonizer who wants to apply is welcome to do so on the Imperial Colonization page. We promise we won't throw you to the sharks. Well, probably not.

edit The future

We are taking nominations and votes for our next project. As per previous IC discussions, old nominations which aren't in the lead and which haven't received any recent votes will be removed. Check out the current nominations before they fade into history--but an article removed from the list can certainly be renominated. Nominate and vote on the IC page.

Go forth and colonize! IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems) 03:25, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

edit Creationism question

What are the rules on edits to Creationism. Specifically thinking of changing the photo caption back to "assassorius" which was crossed out, and is hilarious. Just askin'. 3-4 tildes 3:37 4.3.2.m.x.

Note: When I added "assasaurus" it came with the <s>tag</s> on it as PART of the joke. (I don't mind if it's changed, but I sometimes think a lined out word ~~or two~~ works just as well because ~~I'm fukin HiLAriOuS that's why~~ it has the potential to present two different concepts or ideas. Also, it gives others ideas on alternatives if they want to shorten things up a bit.) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 04 Mar 2010 ~ 03:51 (UTC)

Hm,m,m,m,m... "assassorius" vs. "assasaurus" = winner: assasorius

(Changed.)

Rules? We don't need no stinkin' rules! Actually, the word was crossed out from the beginning, if I recall correctly (I could be wrong). I'd strongly prefer that edits be relatively minor at this point. The idea is the article was essentially finished, but is now in final editing as per a helpful review. Other than that, there aren't any hard and fast rules, but it will be moved to mainspace in the next two or three days.

IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems) 3:51, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Err, maybe I'm a little overzealous in my edits now? I hope not. Let me know! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 04 Mar 2010 ~ 04:03 (UTC)

To be honest with you, as of right now I've only glanced through them--I was trying to get Batman ready to go at the same time the Pee Review of Creationism came out--and I just spent most of the last 24 hours with no running water while I tried to find and fix a major leak. I may have to figure out some way to avoid this overlap so I don't overload what brain I have left. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 04:08, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Aw man! (I had ALL kinds of water issues last year. I feel for you!!!)

I figured you were busy with Batman so I took on the PR edits figuring you'd swing back by & approve/fix what I did. (I'm trying to make sure it has a consistent voice & touch up the blemishes.... If I go too far on anything just switch it back. Cheers! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 04 Mar 2010 ~ 04:21 (UTC)

edit I'm having trouble...

... navigating back and forth between all the parts of Creationism (main page/talk page/gallery/Pee Review/etc.) now that Batman has started. I know that once it's "moved" to mainspace this will all be taken care of but I was thinking maybe we could come up with a way to standardize something to navigate in the future...? How about:

A disambiguation-like page with "perma-links." (Red-links would appear on some links throughout the project as pages moved.)
The project page re-directed to the current project.
(Both 1 & 2) Redirect to #1, from project page.

What do you think? ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 04 Mar 2010 ~ 04:17 (UTC)

Those are definitely worth considering. The way things have been moved in IC's past hasn't been consistent, and I've had an awful time trying to track everything down and figuring out a way to keep things organized. The way it is now is probably adding to the confusion. Maybe it could be done with subcategories of IC, but that might get unwieldy.

For now, I'd like it so that a user can always go to IC and find a link the current colonization and to the articles of previous colonizations, which is as it stands now. If you want to make a disam page for Creationism, that's fine, but it probably won't be used for more than a day or two. Maybe you could make up a trial disam page to show me what you're thinking of so we could have a format for future articles, or even use it for Batman. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 04:30, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Yes, I won't delve into the past but I will start with Creationism/Batman. (May not be this week though, depends on my spare time.) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 04 Mar 2010 ~ 04:49 (UTC)

Here is my rough draft: User:Happytimes/zation, so far I hate it... a table would be much better I think. (Still not sure how to show the flow of an article yet... will work on it. ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 05 Mar 2010 ~ 07:25 (UTC)

Hey, it's a start! What you have so far is better than the confusion I created. Thanks for working on that, and I look forward to your revisions. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 16:27, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

edit Writing on the template

Hi. When I realized I'd written on a template and not Zana's page I went back and took my comment out, so it was only up thre for a couple of minutes, maybe less. Next time I'll know right from the start. (At least I'll know where to add funny graphics and cowboy hats)~ 22:08 5.3..MMX

That's fine. I posted the same message to more than one user for there were a number of edits, so hadn't noticed you'd already taken yours out. Also if you're going to vandalise my user space, that's what my main page is for. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 22:16, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

I already posted a note on your talk page, but for future reference, I'll add here that it was my fault anyway for the way I set up the template. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 01:01, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit 'Ay

This is a special father-son thing. Do you think I should make a template for those who voted me for NoTM? (With your help, of course!) I need to learn how to make templates, anyway. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 23:35, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

It's not required, but would be nice if you either made a template or wrote a note to post on the talk page of those who voted for--it really doesn't have to be a template. I'd be happy to help, but frankly with most of mine I just found one I liked, clicked edit, copied and pasted the code onto a new page in my user space, made a few changes so it fit me, and posted that. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 23:41, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, thanks. I just really don't have an idea how to make templates, and I don't real have a picture...so maybe I could go find one or something.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 00:05, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Again, posting a note without a template is fine; several people do that. Do whatever works for you. And if you have one you want to try out, you can post it here and ask my opinion, and some other user who knows more about code than I do will probably fix things for you anyway. :-) WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 00:59, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News

Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry

By Him again

The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it.

Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month.

"I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained

As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month.

When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award."

Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is.

The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances.

Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas.

And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over."

Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time.

Vote for Sandwiches suspended, Uncyclopedians confused

By UU

Confusion reigned supreme in Uncyclopedia this month, as the ever-popular Vote for Sandwiches page was inexplicably protected, and changed to something that appears to be called "Vote for Sysops". Historical investigation by our fearless mascot DogNewspaper has revealed that this is actually the traditional process by which new sysops are selected on Uncyc - which came as a surprise to many editors, particularly the newer ones, many of whom didn't realise new sysops could be selected.

And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out?

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

02:36, 1 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: I'm guessing that's what you are trying to do. If so, you are shit at it.)
14:57, 2 March 2010 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked {contr|207.144.173.198}} (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Anti-semitism + stupidity = my foot + your butt)
19:05, 2 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.211.39.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Why don't you go to concervapedia, and ask them if Jesus loves you. I say, He doesn't.)
18:32, 2 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 87.114.246.12 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking by installments is still blanking. and blanking makes baby jesus cry. it also pisses me off, and that's far worse.)

Biopic of the Week

Is it actually legal to have two Portsmouth fans on the same wiki? The subject of this week's spotlight, Nachlader cared not a jot for this important question when he joined Codeine as Uncyc's second Pompey fan. Nachlader is an occasional drunk poster in the dump, a former NotM and RotM and, lest we forget, the writer of some very fine featured articles. Shame no-one can spell his username though.

Old-school featured article of the month

Smells Like Teen Spirit was a monthly celebrity scratch and sniff magazine produced by Grunge Publications in the early 1990's.

Beckoning a time of true periodical change, young women aged eighteen to twenty-two decided that merely looking upon their favourite celebrities no longer hot-buttered their ever-so-proverbial muffins and collectively proclaimed, "Here we are... now entertain us."

Perhaps it was something in the way these determined ladies phrased this proclamation, or simply the fact that Grunge perceived a lucrative sliver of the niche market that was girls who wanted to smell things, but the call was swiftly answered with a glossy, uniquely olfactory experience hailed as "a Nirvana for the nostrils" that became the unofficial scent of Generation X.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 00:12, Mar 6

It wasn't already embarassing enough, so Puppy had to go and post my nom whoring for everyone to see. (Hides head in shame). WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 01:39, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit AAN boxes

I've noticed that on the Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters page, the "Admin?" box is really wide but has very few words in it and the "On Uncyclopedia" is narrow but has more words than any other box. It makes the table unnaturally long and it takes much longer to scroll through. Do you think the widths of those two boxes should be switched? WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 03:24, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

If you can find out how to edit the widths on that template, I implore you to give that a try. Seems like a good idea to me. -RA HB 19:54, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Cool. I'll see if I can figure it out, or find someone else who knows more about coding than I do to figure it out. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 22:57, March 5, 2010 (UTC)

Can someone tell me how to do this? WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:33, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Okay - it's a pain in the bum. The problem is that the longer words in different boxes forces the table to tabulate around it. I've just made a couple of edits on IFGM and MrN9000 but it's still not perfect. I'd suggest that we scrap most of what is there and rebuild it with:

Adopter — Admin? (allowing a green or red only) — Adoption status (red green and yellow) — Activity (red green or yellow) — Notes (Including what used to be On Uncyclopedia)

and even then I'd be tempted to get rid of the Admin sesction.

GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 04:37, 6/03/2010

Uh, you if get rid of the Admin section, I had nothing to do with that. I looked at the code, and figured it was what you said--it splits up the box width by word length. That's why I didn't try to fix it--I knew it would require rewriting the code, and I'm not nearly as good at that as you are. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:09, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

It's worse than that. It has been set up as a table, so by default it will act like that no matter what you do. (Minor exceptions for some browser differences.) The only doable way to do this that I can see is set up each row as part of a template, and make the template a row with x variables and... Well, in the end we'd have to fix it so stuff was cut off, or only visible by scrolling. It is nightmarish though, and unusable due to the number of inactive users who are listed there within. I'd suggest that any user that has not made more than 30 edits in the last 30 day period is not active enough to be any real support to any n00bs, and as such should be retired from the list. If the individual user who is retired has issue with this, then they are welcome to re-add themselves, but can be removed at any time that there is less than the 30 in 30. Thoughts? Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 06:40, 6/03/2010

I tend to agree. Personally, I don't see the point of having people listed as adopters who haven't even been here for a long time, and of listing people as MIA who haven't been here for months. But I do think even if someone's done relatively few edits recently, they should stay on the list--I think only those who haven't posted at all for a month or so should be removed. But I'd strongly suggest getting admin permission before cutting anyone off the list. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 06:52, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

30 is relatively small, and the point of AAN is to give potential n00bs the opportunity ~~I didn't have~~ to learn from someone who knows a thing or two. If someone is making less than one edit a day, how can we realistically expect them to be able to answer the annoying questions n00bs tend to ask? Admin approval of course. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 09:30, 6/03/2010

Well, I'd support it being done either way. However it's done, I do like your idea of getting the deadwood out. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 17:14, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

Thoughts?

GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 22:10, 6/03/2010

I'll look at it more later, but first impression is I like it. Takes up much less room, and makes it easier to find everybody without having to scroll, scroll, scroll. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 14:15, March 7, 2010 (UTC)

I've had another look at the colour aspect of this, and there's no easy fix to it. I'm thinking of extra options, but that makes it even messier. I'm probably going back to the drawing board with this to be honest. Should really cull a few more columns on it. I'd actually like col 2, 3, and 4 to just be Yes, No, or MIA.

GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 Sunday, 23:56, Mar 14 2010 UTC

edit Yeah, so...

I might have accidentally nominated this. Could you help me get rid of this tripe?

on a serious note, I went in a corrected the grammar mistakes I was talking about for you ('to' being changed to 'two' and so forth)--Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 08:42 EST 6 Mar, 2010

I appreciate your nomination and the corrections (especially "to" instead of "two"--oops!). Thanks! But I did change one of them back from "laying down" to "laying." By the Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, "lay" means "to put or set down," so the sense of "down" is already there. Thanks again for your help! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 17:12, March 6, 2010 (UTC)

edit Oh, I see how it is

Your own son's vandalism wasn't good enough for your vandalism page. —Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 00:39, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

If you're referring to the number of vandals, I'd already counted you, son. (And check the page again). WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:19, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

edit For Co-creating Creationism

Featured Article: Creationism
This person wrote an article which became one of the
Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia.

You served beyond the call of duty to help create this colonization for God and Country. Be proud! And accept this 1/2 feature credit.

WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 03:15, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

edit Creationalism

I did a couple of edits. Check out the history. • FreddIs Great In Bedd • • • 04:07 • Monday, 8-03-2010

I looked again--sorry, I got mixed up with your name change, but will fix it for you on The Big Board. Also see this and the note at the top of that which explain what I'm doing in more detail. Feel free to comment there or here. I'm trying to be as fair to everyone as possible. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 04:40, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

edit Why have you been saved from destruction?

The Godly People at Imperial Colonization thank you for voting for Creationism (rightly featured 8 March 2010), and thus supporting America as The Rightful World Power. May ~~God~~ ~~George~~ God and George bless you!

On behalf of IC, I thank you for voting your conscience. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 21:00, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Why?? Did Hiatus not get a shiny thanks template? Hiatus voted. Hiatus sad. (At least, I think I voted. Hello, nice work, how's it going, haven't commented on your talk page for a while). ~

13:11, Mar 11, 2010

I didn't see your name at Uncyclopedia:VFH/Creationism. Did you vote under an alias? Also it's great hearing from you, and I am pleased with the work my colonizers did. I mostly did revisions and editor type stuff; they did most of the writing (Puppy supplied the pic above). WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 20:37, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Speaking of that picture, it is also currently being voted for on VFP, much the same as Lateral thinking puzzle and Tropical cyclone are being voted for on VFH, and I'm being voted for on UotM, and I'm shortly to be voted for on VFS. (Damn, it's getting harder to be a vote whore with all these things going on.)

GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 Thursday, 20:54, Mar 11 2010 UTC

I don't believe it. I'm having too many instances where I remember doing something I never did, and it sounds a bit crazy, but I remember myself commenting: "I've never seen an article get featured so fast, and I haven't finish reading it yet and I'm voting for." No kidding... ~

04:43, Mar 12, 2010

Something like that's happened to me too, where I remembered writing something here, and then never found it. Maybe we didn't finish posting our posts, or maybe there's some Unc problem. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 18:41, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

edit Batman

Ok, so the current colonization is Batman... And if I were to edit it, should I just do it on the article, or is there another page for colonizers? Grumblegrump 22:34, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Check the links in the notice I put on your talk page. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 22:40, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

edit Daddy...?

Hey, I noticed that you are accepting little lost souls.? Will you take me on as your adopted child? Rifting Contribs ... dont fall in....Complain 365 - LOB 16:09, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Am I going to have a new brother?—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 16:59, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Who knows... you might be a bit too high ranked to be my brother. Rifting

17:01, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Haha, nah, I just won NOTM last month (Which I'd support you for next month, if you write something!);)—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 19:12, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

And I saw the thing you posted on the velcro crop page, im not claiming its mine I was going to use it for inspiration to write a humorous article about the Velcro Crop. I dont think im getting anywhere on it though.

365 13 Mar 2010 @ 17:45 (UTC) 18:50, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

I was writing my response below when you posted the post above (does that make sense?), and got an edit conflict. Personally, I think it's very difficult to make a joke of a joke. Even writing humorous articles about humorous subjects is difficult, and usually fail (I've seen some of the best writers here fail at doing that). Think about great comedy acts like Monty Python and the crew from Saturday Night Live (well, the funny crews from SNL). They did takeoffs of serious subjects, and rarely tried to make fun of something already funny. I'd recommend taking something you're very interested in and writing about that. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:05, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Howdy Rifting. You obviously have a lot of wiki experience, so I don't know how much help I would be. But then again I had a lot of wiki experience before I came here, but was adopted which helped keep me out of trouble (most of the time). Uncyclopedia works differently than any wiki I edited before, so you may be faced with something similar.

Before I answer, though, I would like to give you a bit of potentially-fatherly advice: I don't actually know that User:Rifting/Velcro Crop violates some Unc policy as it's on your personal user space, but I would strongly recommend not putting this on main space because of this. On Unc, putting other people's written work here is a big no-no (ironically, putting other people's photos here is very accepted--gor figure). The main exception is taking a factual article and twisting it into humour for satire--they call that a "spork," and while it's sometimes looked down upon, some sporks are very good and have gotten featured. But to stick to velcro (Ha, pun!), if you do want to keep it on your user space, I would strongly recommend you credit the source. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:02, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the answer. I might seem to have some wiki experience because of my formating. I learned most of that at wikipedia, so I cant pass much of it to here. What I need help with is the writing bit. I have some ideas for articles, and found some on the wanted articles page, but I need help to write them.

365 13 Mar 2010 @ 17:45 (UTC) 19:10, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

I get it. If you're looking for a collaboration where you can work with experienced writers, there's always Imperial Colonization, and you can feel free to apply (I have some little say about that....) If you're accepted (which seems likely), vote for any and all articles you really want to work on, and feel free to nominate if you see an article there you think needs a lot of improvement that a lot of readers might see. Our current colonization is Batman.

I do have another question before I answer about the adoption bit: I saw this. I see that was withdrawn, but do want you to know that it's a big no-no to ask two people to adopt you at the same time. As I said, I do see it was withdrawn, but are there any more requests out there? And again, I've gotten in trouble here several times even with the help of an adopter. In fact I got gently reprimanded just within the last week, so it happens to us all, even those of us who have been here a while and are supposed to know better. So please understand that I'm not trying to criticize, I'm trying to help. You need to know that I can be a pain in the ass that way. :-) WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:25, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

I just got notifications about your other messages.... weird.... but I was thinking of creating HowTo: Spot a Terrorist. That seems like a limitless idea that I really like.

365 13 Mar 2010 @ 17:45 (UTC) 19:23, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, as your brother, I could help you with that. I don't have a huge amount oftalent/confidence in myself, but I could probably help others. A great satire point there would be terrorist paranoia.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 19:28, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

That idea likely has a lot of potential. Sounds like a good concept. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:29, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, I might take you up on that offer HelpMe. And about Zana Dark. I withdrew my request because I saw he had a boatload of other kiddies, so I didnt want to burden him further.

365 13 Mar 2010 @ 17:45 (UTC) 19:31, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Understood. Although I believe Zana is a girl. I'll have to talk to you about the birds and the bees. Or maybe I'll just let you watch some instructional videos. ;-) WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:35, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Haha thats the second time Ive made that mistake today. Also, I saw the IC earlier but you need to be 3 days old to edit the page to join.

365 19:40, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

You're right; I forgot about that. See what I mean when I said I still make stupid mistakes? But check your user page. (Also I'm logging off very soon.) WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:42, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Haha yea I saw, nice comment in the summary (you wont regret it). Im going to get a start on the HowTo. Also do you know how to run Javascript on a page? the <script> tags dont work. Rifting

19:45, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Javascript? We don't need no stinkin' Javascript. In other words, it doesn't work here well at all. I gotta go--see you son (or daughter)! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:49, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, I've read this, and see you never answered the question about the Velcro Crop and that it's still on the user page. How abour some fessin' up and explain just what that was about. I see it as more than just "let's ignore this", and good catch on Why?'s part. Aleister in Chains 19:56 13 3 mmx p.s. and wouldn't the signature be too close to mordillo's for comfort? I never want to mix these two guys up.

The link to the page has been removed from my userpage. Also... I was going to put the page on QVFD but i need to be 3 days old to do that. Which I am not. And is Mordillo the one with the spinning star? Hit me up with another image and ill change it. Rifting

20:01, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

The point is what were you trying to do in the first place with Velcro? If Why hadn't caught it would we have seen it in the main space, and do you realize that if anything close to that shows up here it would mean a perm ban? That aside, welcome, and reign that part of you in. Mordillo is the spinning star, and is like the voice of God around here, so don't let him see you eating his porridge! I really don't mind the image, but it will take getting used to another one piece symbol for a user that reminds me of another. Now, about Velcro? Al en' Chain a few minutes later

Well I got a printout of the Velcro thing in university, and I laughed and wanted to create something about the Velcro crop on this site. But we had to give the article back to the teacher so I quickly typed it up so I wouldnt loose it. But... ive translated my sites to spotting terrorists now. Rifting

20:19, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Well, ok, but your typing out the graph on short notice was pretty neat, I'm trying to find those keys on my keyboard here, wait, no, that's not them. I'll try again. Enjoy spotting terrorists, there are quite of few of us them around this site. Al, few minutes later

The graph was scanned and cropped. I got to take the article home before handing it back in. And I swear I saw a way to post javascript here.... Rifting

20:28, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

Just one more for me. When you typed it to save it you typed everything just fine except the last three words of the page's title and the large and prominent FUCKING AUTHOR's NAME, which I usually type in if I'm saving something. If I'm making a big deal of this it's just to put it all out there, as your father should have spanked you for it roundly. Ok, 'nuff said by me. Al, few minutes later

I fully expect to get spanked when he comes back and hears your reasoning haha. Rifting

20:58, March 13, 2010 (UTC)

I will only spank you if you don't want me to. Also having that symbol in your sig is fine (it's in mine, after all), but I would add something to it ASAP so you don't look like Mordillo. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:52, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

edit DADDY!

	All Praise and Glory Be Theirs!
	This user has been promoted the the rank of Queen's voter.
	Due to their site-topping talents in voting awards for me, all other chores formerly assigned have been rescinded.
	Unlike other ranks, this one is for life, and they'll do nothing other than HELP ME win awards anytime soon.
	If you were hoping they would reply to a message, sorry to disappoint,
	but such a menial task is outside of their job description.

—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:21, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

I knew my sons were conspiring against me. Where's my razor strap? WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 19:24, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

edit It was nice

To be in your care, for nearly two months. My hat's off to you. *Tip*—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 20:24, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, it was cool. Warning; serious moment coming: I'm proud to have been your adopter--and I really mean that. Back to Unc style--Penis Vagina Testicles Buttocks Breasts! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 20:28, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Why, I know you're not originally from here, but 'round these here parts, we call 'em boobies. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 01:30, Mar 16 2010

edit USP

What's your news you wanted to add to USP? UU has reserved the first story and I've reserved the second, but if you want the second for IC it's yours. If you want me to write it I'm cool, but I'd like to know what you'd like to have written. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 Tuesday, 00:17, Mar 16 2010 UTC

edit Me and Socky are the only truly nice users here?!

Quite frankly, Why, I take that as an insult to our community. There are plenty of other truly nice users here - you just have to look harder. And if I made that list, I also take that as evidence that you need to have your head examined. I'm plenty mean! You, er, wastaspace! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 01:34, Mar 16 2010

I'm way nicer than Negropaxx and Suckpuppet of an unregistered user, you dumbass cunt faggot asshole!—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 01:36, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

I'm super nice too asshole! ...aw, fuck.... ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 16 Mar 2010 ~ 02:21 (UTC)

I apologise for this interjection into a topic where I have not been invited, however I do have to say, with all due respect and admiration for your ability to determine the relative level of politeness and civility of individuals, that I am completely and without any reservation a totally evil individual. I have a complete absence of any moral compass and in most circles this would class me as being on par with the prince of darkness himself. Again, I apologise for this impolite interjection, however I felt that this was a point of significant note that should be brought to your attention, but - and again I bow in deference to your superior skills in determining the moral levels of our peers - I did feel that this was of significant merit to bring to your attention. I am dreadfully sorry if I have upset you in any way, and rest assured that I intend to make full restitution for any damage that may have arisen.

GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 00:40, June 5, 2009 Tuesday, 02:48, Mar 16 2010 UTC

I'm sorry for what Puppy did too. I'll see to it that he doesn't get out of control again. --Pleb SYNDROME _{CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!)} 03:33, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Well, socky and negropax are two of the nicest people around, but gee.. They're not the only nice people here... There's rabbitechno, for instance, he isn't any less nicer than them.. And there's todd lyons - I don't know if you ever met him.. All the admins are quite nice, actually.. And the regs too, with a couple of exceptions.. Fuck you, anyways :) • FreddIs Great In Bedd •

•

• 03:57 • Tuesday, 16-03-2010

In fact, Why was right about {{USERNAME}} being a nice user. I'm a complete ass though. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk)

GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:55, 16 March 2010

All your comments have been noted, and will be added to your files. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 15:46, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

edit Imperial Colonization Buccaneer Admiral walking the plank!

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on the IC talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == (Your comments) == below my signature, or click the + tab up above, and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

Actually, I'm looking for a temporary assistant/permanent successor as head of Imperial Colonization. I got put in charge of IC because I kept bugging a certain admin. I'd say, "Why isn't somebody doing this with IC?" and "Why isn't somebody doing that with IC?" So that admin basically said "Why, you're somebody; go do it" (see discussion here). But as you can see, I took on the position planning to update IC, get it moving again, and see it through one colonization. Well, that happened. IC was updated and reactivated and, thanks to some great colonizers, Creationism was recreated in a spirit of cooperation, was rewritten on deadline, was Pee Reviewed and, as a bonus, was voter-chosen as a feature article within about a day of being nommed. Our current project, Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Batman is scheduled to be written by 20 March, and then we'll begin another. IC is moving...and I'm looking for someone to keep it moving. If interested, please post a note on the IC talk page--experienced and successful users only need apply. Ability to say "ARRRRR" like a pirate is not required, but would be nice.

WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 16:32, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

edit IC Notice (redundancy)

When adding your template comments it makes it hard to respond on one's own talk page.
So, do something like this (which is explained here):

==Title here==

~~~ here (if not included in your template).

This will also fix the need to use the edit link above your post to access your comments. A format will give you something like what is displayed below:

I complain against the fact that I'm not actually paid for editing Uncyclopedia. I know nobody else is paid either, but it's me I'm talking about here!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? In fact I suspect somebody else is being paid. Guildy is so productive he might be! THERE IS NO JUSTICE IN THE WORLD. -- Style Guide 09:43, December 8, 2009 (UTC)

I'd like to complain that Style

Guide makes more money than I do for editing Uncyclopedia! When will the endless legal fees stop?!? (Seriously though, why aren't you getting paid the two bits that Syndrome and I are?) ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 05:14, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

I complain that you used my signature Happytimes! -- Style

Guide Date/time (UTC)

~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* (talk) (stalk) Π ~ ~ 19 Mar 2010 ~ 07:20 (UTC)

So it's better if I don't put the heading in the template, right? I didn't know that--thanks for the advice; I'll do it that way next time. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 17:59, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Yep, it makes it WAY easier for others to add responses and stuff and junk (& stuff). ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 21 Mar 2010 ~ 07:14 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins

By UU

As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates.

Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter.

In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick.

But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race.

One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip?

Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx.

Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2?

Positions vacant.

By PuppyOnTheRadio

The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home.

Your daily duties will include:

Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation
Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme
Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation
Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed
Telling writers that they should really be working on IC
Going insane with power (optional)

The relevant applicant will have:

Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature
Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field
The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March.
A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred)

This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head ~~gets sick of it~~ retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation.

To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?)
18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis)
00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153)
12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...)

Biopic of the Week

We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation.

Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film.

Reason to leave Uncyc #341

Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower.

Obligatory Filler Box of the Week

When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute!

Horoscope of the Week

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah.

For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 11:45, Mar 18

edit Shit Sorry

Went to the wrong page when I put that. Sorry.

P.s vote for this THanks And stay in IC please--Director WILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 03:03, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

I'm not planning to leave IC; I'm just interim director. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 18:00, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

edit Your family tree (kinda sorta)

Made by yours truly!

I uploaded a roughdraft of the family tree I told you I'd make. I'm gonna remake it later this week, but in photoshop and with cooler fonts and stuff. So is this good? Anyone I left out? —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 04:32, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

Hey, pretty cool! Puppy and Syndrome are both supposed to be Miley's brothers, although I think both have also claimed to be my father. Bad Shroom is supposed to be my cousin from somewhere. Also Miley claims her mother was Discordia, so that could be added. Also Cainad I thought was Discordian--I must have missed Bensonist. There are other people who claimed to be part of the family at one time or another, but I don't remember who they were and they probably don't either. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 18:57, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

Oh yeah, I think Cainad was both. Okay, I'll work on those little issues and hopefully it'll be ready later this week. :) —Paizuri MUN (Talk • Contribs • Poll!) 19:26, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

So this means I can date anyone on that list right? I mean, I don't want any flipper kids or nothin' ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 21 Mar 2010 ~ 07:17 (UTC)

I know exactly who you're thinking of /me flutters my eyelashes—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 07:23, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Hush! ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*

(talk) (stalk) Π ~

~ 21 Mar 2010 ~ 07:53 (UTC)

I don't know; dating outside the family might be kind of weird. Perhaps Incest is Best--the great leaders of Ancient Egypt practiced it. If it was good enough for them.... WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 13:35, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

I'm Miley's brother, but as for being your father - only a paternity test will show for sure. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sigheil Tuesday, 03:46, Mar 23 2010 UTC

I know Miley doesn't know because she was drunk that night. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:03, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

edit Garage Sale pee review

Hi, and to thank you properly: Thank you. Your review is quite helpful, and I'll work on the page before the 'morrow. I'm like your "friend" as I love garage sales, and stop at most I see and actually look in the local paper for listings to see which ones are close by. The page itself, I did change the movie (first had this set in 1945, and looked up the films, then when it was moved to '47 I made the film a re-release, but now it's a real movie of the time, thanks) And for details, I looked up the date to make sure it was a Saturday in 1947, so I guess I have the stickler gene to some extent. Grandpa didn't discover the items, he just moved the junk out of his parent's attic (their junk and the junk of their grandparents and their grandparents before them). His swearing at the end is as a result of him boiling over, hinted at through the page, because he is so angry that he didn't know what he was selling and everyone else in the neighborhood got rich instead of him, that's why the swearing at the end--he just blew his top, tried to restrain it again for the kids, and then kept on getting angry and shouting. The grandpa pic is at full resolution. Thanks for finding the missing Ramses link, I thought I had that and now fixed it. The Constitution pic at such a large size is for emphasis, and the part that's readable is enough to understand the picture without having to scan over. But I haven't checked it on a larger screen and will do so. And, ah, I'm very glad you've seen Mark Twain twice in person, ah, if you see him again please let me know. (I've got a great story related to Twain which I'll tell you if you'd like) All in all, you did this such good justice, I thank you again. Will do some work on it now, but mainly later. Al 2:24, first day of Spring, MMX

Gee, your thanks was almost as long as my review! I still think having a hint of Grandpa doing a slow boil before he blows up would work better--the classic dramatic build. Otherwise his cussing seems to come from nowhere. But as I said, I think you've got a very nice article there. Glad if my review helped! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 03:22, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, will work on that. There were a couple under-the-breath (small type) swearing moments from Gramps, but I'll work in a couple more. A point about the finish, I actually wanted to separate the ending section from the rest to show the passage of time, that's why the white space. Just a style point. And I can't resist, please tell me about how you saw Mark Twain in person. And I see you chose Discordianism. Praise Eris, may the article help lift the curse of Greyface from the world! Al, 26 minutes later.

I had no problem with the white space--I thought that worked fine. I chose Discordianism because of the two people who voted for both that and Britney Spears, one of you (you) didn't express a preference, but the other (Miley) expressed a preference for doing Discordianism. As to Mark Twain, I saw two people who portrayed him in different one-man shows. One was Hal Holbrook, but I don't remember the name of the other. I thought they were both very good. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 03:58, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

edit Warning: Discord Ahead

As you voted for Discordianism, you're getting this special advance welcome as approved by Goddess Discordia. You're invited to post your ideas for colonizing the article here. Any colonizer is welcome to participate, of course--but you're obligated to or GODDESS WILL GET YOU! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:00, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

I love posting messages from me, for me, on my talk page. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:04, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

You're so conceited, dad.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 05:11, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Like father like son. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:14, March 21, 2010 (UTC)

Hey you two, get a room. Al de'chain 13:47 21 3 mmx

edit Batman pee

Did you see the review, a very good job Sir. I've cropped down the intro per the pee review, hopefully to your satisfaction, and added a joke about the administration of the drug. Al de'chain 13:45 21 3 mmx

I agree about the review--very helpful; I thanked the reviewer. I'll go and check out what you done did to Batman. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 00:53, March 22, 2010 (UTC)

I'll have to have another look at it... User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sigheil Tuesday, 01:36, Mar 23 2010 UTC

edit I'm giving you something to review

You've been slacking off, so I'm giving you an article to review. Don't bitch, don't whine, just do it dammit! Don't let me count to five--Director WILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:30, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the request. I won't promise anything, but I'll consider reviewing it depending upon whether I have time to do it with the other things I'm doing here. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:01, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

edit I dont know what do to...

Im at a loss for what to do. Ive lost motivation to continue with my article and the best I have been doing is keeping up with the goings-on here. Any suggestions? — The Rift (grumble) 365 MUN CPT DAD 01:39, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, this old thing. My advice is to take a break from it for a little while, and come back, and if you still have no motivation, then you have to force yourself to.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 01:45, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Well, there's also these little things. But I dunno. ~ ~~Sir~~ Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 01:49, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

What HELPME said, although if you come back to it later and still don't feel motivated to finish it, you could either drop it or get someone else to finish it (that's what happened with Archery--I dropped it, Syndrome finished it, and it got featured). And what Pelargonium said too. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:00, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Well, I meant in the case of procrastination making you think you have no ideas- it happens to me. And without writing, you can still be productive- watch what ChiefjusticeDS does (Vandalism reverts, pee reviews, etc) Also note that your dad, Puppy, Syndrome, and Miley are all in PEEING-runs in the family I guess. Ask Why or Puppy if you're interested.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!!

NOTM 01:44, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

I dont know if you have been watching my activity, but I have tried to start this (feel free to add anything) and also ive been going QVFD happy with the new pages list... — The Rift

(grumble) 365

MUN CPT DAD 01:52, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for letting me know. Also it is possible to lick your own elbow. We had that discussion here a while back, and I found proof. See discussion here. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:01, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

edit More pics

Say Sonny, I'm on Spring Break yay! So could you do what you were going to do with the pic that shows the history of Pedobear? And can you get pics for Preteens? Only if u have time I know ur busy! Huggies! Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 05:48, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

Oh geez, I never have updated that image. Sorry about that. I'll get to it in the next 48 hours. As for the other article, I'll see what I can find. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 05:58, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I done did Pedobear--see the article. I'm sorry it took so long. As for the rest, I'm working on that now. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:08, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

edit da da da da da da dad da Batttttmmmmmannnnnn

Hi. Left a note, mainly for you but for everyone, on the Batman project talk page. Alfred calls, I must go. Al en'chain 17:56 23 3 2MX

I just looked at Talk:Batman and didn't see it. If you left it on Uncyclopedia talk:Imperial Colonization/Batman, that's an archived page (as it says at the top), so is ignored. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 18:01, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I moved your comment to Uncyclopedia talk:Imperial Colonization so our colonizers will see it. Thanks for the suggestion. I will post a reply there (also I liked those last minute edits you did to Batman). WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 18:04, March 23, 2010 (UTC)

I've put Batman on VFH today, just to let you know--

Director

WILL

YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 01:55, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

You mean you put it up as your sockpuppet Nameable, right? Uncyclopedia:VFH/Batman (IC version) WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:06, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Damn it. I meant Transformers. I'm such an idiot. Well, actually I've been ill lately--

Director

WILL

YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:15, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

No problem. I saw it up there; I'm just not sure how I'm going to vote. Hope you're feeling better. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:24, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks.--

Director

WILL

YOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 02:26, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

edit On IC

First of all, I am trying to ring the dignity of the Old Page. It's called conversion. You know how the Europeans converted the Indians? Well I did the same to the old pages. I converted them to the new version. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 09:43, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

I'm sorry but I honestly don't understand your post. I'm assuming this is referring to what I posted on your talk page? If so, I honestly don't understand the connection between what I posted and your response. I'm not saying it's not there, just that I'm not getting it. Sometimes I'm a little slow. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 16:14, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

edit I dont know what your message meant.

Hey, Admiral

I have no idea what the message you left me meant... did i edit something, or delete something? I really have no idea what you meant. --Maniac1075 16:55, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Go back to your talk page and click on the link I had provided to your edit. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 17:02, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

I dont know why the thing says I did it, must be an error on the sites behalf. --Maniac1075 17:06, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

edit Why's family tree, version 1.1 1.2!!

Here you go! Your family tree, version 1.1 or something. ~ ~~Sir~~ Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 17:53, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

Say, that's awesome! Thanks, dude! I'll let the rest of the family know about this--can't do it right now as I'm logging off. One correction, though: Puppy and Syndrome are not, as far as I know, related to Cainad. Maybe you could keep them where they are, but remove the horizontal line from Syndrome to Miley to Puppy, or some such. And a warning: you realize, this will probably require frequent updating.... But thanks again! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 18:55, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

THAT IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel included. — The Rift

(grumble) 365

MUN CPT DAD 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Okay, I took out the arms branching to Syndrome and Poopy. I cal it...Version 1.2!!!! Muahahahaha!!!! ~ ~~Sir~~ Paizuri / Talk / Contribs / Crap / 22:24, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

I got bored User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sigheil Sunday, 06:00, Mar 28 2010 UTC

edit Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement

VOTE DISCORDIAN NOW: We need your vote! On both Creationism and Batman, colonizers who participated came to a consensus on a direction for the article. But on Discordianism, there's been more discord--or at least not a consensus. So we're resorting to (sigh) democracy. Go to Uncyclopedia_talk:Imperial_Colonization/Discordianism#Article_ideas and cast your vote!

You can vote for one or two, comment on as many as you like, but vote quickly--this is an eleventh hour effort, and we will hopefully have a direction in a few hours. I'll be checking the results sometime around 03:00 UTC of 25 March 2010.

ARE YOU RETIRED?: Also note that colonizers who haven't participated in any of the last three colonizations will be moved to the retirement list. Quite frankly, I'm doing this primarily because I have to post each of these notices by hand (I don't have a bot, and sure could use one), and it takes a long time to post to the pages of people who are inactive in IC and even on Uncyclopedia. If you're put on the retirement list and want back on the active list, simply post a request on the IC talk page.

KEEP CHECKING THE IC TALK PAGE: Many important decisions and updates are made and/or described on the IC talk page that are never posted on user talk pages.

POST COMMENTS ON IC TALK. As usual, if you post them on your talk page, I'll likely never see them.

WHY'S REPLACEMENT NEED: A special added reminder that I, Why do I need to provide this? aka IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems) , am only interim director of IC and need a replacement. My intention was to lead IC just long enough to get it revived, which is a major part of the reason I took the title Buccaneer Admiral instead of Admiral of the Fleet, which is the official title of the head of Imperial Colonization. I plan to ~~abandon ship~~ retire shortly after midnight (UTC) on Saturday, 17 April 2010. I would really like someone to work with me on the current colonization, and I will be happy to assist whoever replaces me during the transition--I do not plan to leave IC, only retire as head. If you're interested, post a note at IC Admiral of the Fleet needed.

Happy colonizations! WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 18:03, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

edit Pedobear's eyes

You put up the pic, so why don't Pedobear's eyes turn red in The touch eachother song? :) Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 22:07, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

That's a good question; unfortunately I don't have a good answer. Maybe it has something to do with being reduced in size when it's shown in the article; I don't know. I can probably make a smaller version. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 06:46, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

I made and uploaded a smaller version that should work. Understand I'm only doing this because you asked--I'm not a big fan of the article, but I am of you. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 07:43, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

edit Possible review request?

well, since I helped out IC with the creationism review, I wondered if maybe in the spirit of mutual back-scratching whether you could help out our own fledgling collab group by reviewing our first finished product? predictably, no one has stepped forward to do this one and there's a bit of a timeframe needed to get this reviewed since we're going to try and opperate on a monthly schedule. here's the link Thanks! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 02:49 EST 2010

As I just got a phase of IC completed and the next phase doesn't have to be done for a while, I'd be honored. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 07:09, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)