User talk:Weri long wang/History of conservatism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

edit The history of conservatism

Conservatism has been a mainstay of misery and suffering ever since it was conceived. This article will discuss the history and evolution of conservatism since it was first invented, and the attitude of conservatives to people who don’t share their beliefs.

edit In Roman times

Projectforthenewromancentury
A thinktank run by emperor Nero

The neoconservative movement was established in Roman times. The movement then, as now, was preoccupied with taking over the world. The head of the movement was Emperor Nero and hence they were referred as Nero-conservatives as opposed to neoconservatives. This is actually were the term neoconservative comes from. The same careless editor who mistook the Hebrew word for “young women” for the Greek word for “virgin” was the editor that wrote the part of the Bible in which the Nero-conservatives were mentioned.

The world’s most famous liberal (at least according to Martin Luther King Jr. [1] a man that won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work), Jesus of Nazareth, said during Sermon on the Mount (Mathew 5:1 – 7:29):

  • Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted
  • Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth
  • Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God
  • Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness sake
  • As well as non violent resistance (resist not evil) and forgiveness (turn the other cheek)

Blessed are the meek? Blessed are the peacemakers? This man must be got rid of immediately! The standard method for doing this during Roman times was the hold the individual upright vertically by securing him by his hands and feet by Nails and leave him there until he dies of starvation, asphyxiation (do to hanging forward with his hands tied backwards and upwards) or a cardiac arrest or the “malfunction” of the medulla oblongata caused by the “overload” of the brain; a result of the unyielding agony of being held in that position.

We could have taken Jesus’ words as a sign to change our society and to adopt a more liberal and progressive style of society; but luckily St. Paul managed to undermine and destroy Jesus’ teachings by telling people he “died for our sins”; whatever the fuck that means. So we didn’t take on board the words uttered by Jesus when he spoke upon the Temple of the Mount, but merely used his suffering, persecution and torturous death as an excuse to feel guilty and to bow down before the religious leaders and support their horrific actions of torture, murder and persecution for 2000 years and, more than likely, a good few years more.

edit During the dark ages

During the dark ages conservatism flourished more than in any other time in recorded history.

edit Modern conservatives

edit Sean Hannity

edit Bob Roberts

“I’m a bleeding brain, I can’t think for myself. ‘Got a picture of Reagan on the wall, and a Bible on the shelf”
~ Bob Roberts on Bleeding hearts brains
File:862237~Bob-Roberts-Posters.jpg
Bob Robert’s campaign poster

Bob Roberts, described variously as a "people person", a "mover and a shaker" and a "crypto-fascist clown", is a folk singer, drug smauggler, theif and senator, elected in 1990.

Bob Roberts: The 60’s are, lets face it, a dark stain on American history. At no other time has lawlessness and immorality been so wide spread.
Kelly Noble: You’re speaking of Watergate and our illegal covert invasion of Cambodia?
Bob Roberts: No. No, I’m not. I see. I’m speaking of you, of lawlessness and immorality with regard to drug use and sexual practice. (she is black after all) Disregard in the press for the sacred institutions that have made this country what it is today.
Kelly Noble: Is social protest disregard for our laws and institutions?
Bob Roberts: Certainly it is.
Kelly Noble: Yet it is a guaranteed right in our constitution[2].
Bob Roberts: So is burning the flag (no available citation. Sorry), need I say more?
Kelly Noble: Yes! You need say more! Or are we to believe that what Bob Roberts wants to see a compliant and silent public which respects the actions of its presidents no matter how immoral or illegal?
Bob Roberts: Are you a communist?

edit References

  1. Martin Luther King Jr. on Jesus Christ
  2. US Bill of Rights Right to peaceful protest
This article is an embarrassing attempt at Liberal humor. Telling the truth about what conservatives do is not funny! And stop providing references for God's sake!!!!
LibCartoon
Defend the sanctity of humor by passing a Constitutional Amendment.
Personal tools
projects