User talk:Weebils

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Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


edit WEEBILS' Contributions

Weebils the Wonderful LOVES Uncyclopedia, so he wastes a lot of time writing cutting-edge, pulse-pounding, sexually arousing articles that no one reads, including (ta-da!):

edit Unnews Articles

Weebils the Wonderful has contributed the following contributions to Unnews, many of which have been lead articles and some of which have been featured articles, so there!

  • Noah: "Change your ways or drown!" - LEAD 1[1]
  • Rosie rips pope and Pooh [2]
  • Bush: "Hang 'em high!" [3]
  • Mushrooms among brainiest vegetables [4]
  • Tony Blair embraces nudism - FEATURED STORY [5]
  • True origin of Reed Richards revealed [6]
  • Romanian skull suggests link between gay men and Neanderthals [7]
  • Michael Jackson undergoes plastic surgery--AGAIN! - FEATURED STORY [8]
  • Another Iraqi car commits suicide [9]
  • Dakota Fanning sacrificed in new film [10]
  • Muslim cabbies fined for refusing fares - FEATURED STORY [11]
  • Lindsay Lohan dries out in rehab - LEAD 2 [12]
  • Redneck Reader goes visual - FEATURED STORY [13]
  • Christian theme park to open in Little Rock - LEAD 1 [14]
  • Playboy launches Braille issue - LEAD 2 [15]
  • T-shirt jokes not so funny anymore [16]
  • Oregon stiffens graduation requirements - FEATURED STORY [17]
  • Ted Kennedy consults Kopechne - LEAD 1 [18]
  • Pelosi: "Electing me was a stark blunder" [19]
  • MSNBC launches "Nude News" - LEAD 1 [20]
  • The big top becomes big business [21]
  • Hangover cure suppressed [22]
  • Educating America, one cereal box at a time [23]
  • Dakota Fanning wins posthumous Oscar [24]
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar attempts suicide [25]
  • Condom use campaign a bust? - LEAD 2 [26]
  • Mr. T wins prestigious Foolitzer Prize [27]
  • Miranda rights expanded - LEAD 1 [28]
  • Iraqi autos avenge their dead [29]
  • Ashley Judd adopts Lucy Fowler's lifestyle [30]
  • Utnapishtim celebrates 2706th birthday - LEAD 2 [[31]
  • Giger gay bar opens in Castro District [32]
  • 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue secedes from Union - FEATURED STORY [33]
  • Bowling alley changes bowl fans - LEAD 2 over[34]
  • Fashion: does it defeminize women?
  • Bellagio unveils "Toon Erotica" exhibit [35]
  • Bush questions Pelosi's manhood - FEATURED STORY [36]
  • Psychologist: Moses had Alzheimer's [37]
  • Jane Fonda seeks new husband - FEATURED STORY [38]
  • Jane Fonda incorporates herself [39]
  • Borat creator lists "Most Powerful Americans" [40]
  • Discovery of Fred Flintstone's diary sheds light on ancient Bedrock [41]
  • Stars fear Oscar may be cursed [42]
  • U. S. Department of Health and Human Services institutes homophobia code [43]
  • Brandy charged with "driving while black" - LEAD 1 [44]
  • Ted Turner publicity stunt was "performance art" - FEATURED STORY [45]
  • Clinton eulogizes stepfather [46]
  • Pelosi bill would have Bush cracking the books - LEAD 1 [47]
  • Obama considers name change - LEAD 2 [48]
  • Chewbaca arrested! [49]
  • Cartoon Network launches "Obscene Bugger Farce" - LEAD 1 [50]
  • Celebrities: "Testicles a great stress reliever" [51]
  • San Francisco outlaws spanking between consenting adults [52]
  • "Wired" police officer electrocuted [53]
  • Burger King introduces new Bun Burgers - LEAD 1 [54]
  • Spaghetti Westerns attempt comeback [55]
  • Lady Bird biography "unkind" - LEAD 2 [56]
  • NASA trip to Uranus called off [57]
  • U. S. surprised by Putin [58]
  • Pentagon revives nose art [59]
  • Wonder Woman not so wonderful [60]
  • Whedon to "homosexualize" Marvel Comics - LEAD 2 [61]
  • Accused astronaut wined and dined [62]
  • Ancient chimps invented hammer - LEAD 2 [63]
  • Celebrities return to first loves [64]
  • Rosie O'Donnell enters rehab - FEATURED STORY [65]
  • Weezil Greeting Cards: Holidays are such a joke! [66]
  • Army launches new recruiting ad campaign - FEATURED STORY [67]
  • Dope on a Rope called "promising" - LEAD 1 [68]
  • NASA goes psychedelic [69]
  • Britney Spears experiences "miracle cure" - LEAD 1 [70]
  • Alan Colmes decries ratings - LEAD 1 [71]
  • Britney bald after "miracle cure" [72]
  • Plans to build another Mt. Everest postponed - LEAD 2 [73]
  • Workplaces drug workers - FEATURED STORY [74]
  • Car drives through mural at art center [75]
  • Clint Eastwood announces bid for presidency - LEAD 2 [76]
  • Beowluf's barrow discovered [77]
  • Children's book publishers release censorship guidelines [78]
  • New Hellmouth opens in Guatemala City - LEAD 2 [79]
  • Al Sharpton arrested as runaway slave - LEAD 2 [80]
  • U. S. military training accelerated - LEAD 1 [81]
  • Canine couriers clean up - FEATURED STORY [82]
  • Mom loses custody of obese son; "Porky" removed from parents' home [83]
  • Sportscaster sidelined for sexist rmarks - LEAD 2 [84]
  • Prince Charles wants to ban McDonald's [85]
  • Doors still slamming after all these years [86]
  • Wounded Marine wants gay ban lifted [87]
  • Sex offenders may receive "special" license plates - FEATURED STORY [88]
  • Angelina Jolie adopts Thialand [89]
  • Nigeria does its best to keep Africa "the dark continent" - LEAD 2 [90]
  • Hospital delivers meals to indigent shut-ins
  • Jeep recalls Cherokees from freed slaves [91]
  • APA creates new phobias [92]
  • NAACP president resigns, citing racism [93]
  • Family beats up principal over boy's grades [94]
  • Condoleezza Rice names fictitious state as human rights violator - LEAD 2 [95]
  • Gangbankers snap up bulletproof raincoat [96]
  • High school distributes marijuana to its students - LEAD 2 [97]
  • Thomas Jefferson impeached [98]
  • FDA expands peanut butter recall [99]
  • Zombies to produce own movie - LEAD 1 [100]
  • Sarah Michelle Gellar reincarnated as comic book character - LEAD 2 [101]
  • Pet food recall alarms pet owners [102]
  • Confederate flag initiates Civil War of words [103]
  • Dutch author finds lost manuscript while tidying up [104]
  • Museum displays four-legged animals [105]
  • Police stink! - FEATURED STORY [106]
  • Las Vegas casinos institute free circumcisions - LEAD 2 [107]
  • Oz residents charged in death of Wizard [108]
  • Bart Simpson arrested for indecent exposure [109]
  • Barely There Prom Dresses popular new trend - FEATURED STORY [110]
  • American Idol finalists so bad they make audience cry [111]
  • Harlequin seeks "real men" - FEATURED STORY [112]
  • Play-Doh penis perturbs parents - LEAD 2 [113]
  • Tinted semen called "colorful" [114]
  • Saturn's weather puts Earth's meteorological conditions to shame - LEAD 2 [115]
  • Miss America homeless again - LEAD 2 [116]
  • Global warming to end some species (maybe) [117]
  • Scientists invent new fossils [118] - FEATURED STORY
  • Women urged to name their sex toys [119]- LEAD 2
  • Science allows invisible voyeyrs [120] - LEAD 1
  • New fashion models strut their stuff on Paris runways[121] - FEATURED STORY
  • New emoticons keyboards help users put on a happy face [122] - FEATURED STORY
  • Lawrence Land to celebrate author's "literature of lewdness [123] LEAD 2
  • Lego offers sex education kit - FEATURED STORY[124]
  • Sun serendades solar system [125]
  • Blue angel kills South Carolina pilot [126]
  • Global warming to transform men into women [127]
  • Witches okay for national cemetery memorials; holy cows may be next - LEAD 2[128]
  • Senator Harry Reid's apotheosis [129]
  • Human semen a form of ectoplasm - LEAD 1 and (later) FEATURED STORY [130]
  • Uvula's true purpose discovered - LEAD 2 and FEATURED STORY [131]
  • Noah's ark to sail again - FEATURED STORY [132]
  • If elected, John McCain would build a wing onto the White House to house his pets - LEAD 1 and LEAD 2 [133]
  • Zombie Dolls for little boils and ghouls who have it all - LEAD 2 [134]
  • Celebrity Beer test-marketed in St. Louis - LEAD 2 and (later) FEATURED STORY [135]
  • Celebrity Sex Dolls sell well - FEATURED STORY [136]
  • New food pyramid proven fraudulent - LEAD 2 [137]
  • Disney adds porn to televised children's fare - LEAD 1[138]
  • Snow penises outlawed - LEAD 2 [139]
  • KFC introduces Chix on Stix [140]
  • Statuary Hall updates collection - FEATURE STORY [141]
  • Court refuses to allow dad to name son "Dick" [142]
  • Grammy winners' songs used to teach grammar [143]
  • Instructional "sex ed" museum to open in Sin City


  • Zombies to produce "Girls Gone Wild" series - FEATURED STORY [145]
  • Hollywood experiments with "mindless movies" - LEAD 2 [146]
  • Supreme Court justice redesigns robe [147]
  • Paris Hilton takes up finger painting - LEAD 1 [148]
  • Ex-fire chief doesn't like being butt of successor's "joke" [149]
  • Coca-Cola recycles its "beverage base" [150]
  • Travelers boycott Hilton [151]
  • Yoda wins "Ugliest Dog Contest" - FEATURED STORY [152]
  • New York restaurants cut fat ahead of schedule [153]
  • Activist treed by "fund-raising" deed: naked may be the better disguise, after all - FEATURED STORY [154]
  • Global warming an act of God, not man, religious leaders say - LEAD 1 [155]
  • Jessica Alba lusts after naked men - LEAD 1 [156]
  • Tintin accused of racism - LEAD 2 [157]
  • Bush deploys clone army to Iraq - LEAD 2 [158]
  • Nuke lab makes top-secret info available to janitorial staff - LEAD 2 [159]
  • Entertainment media open luxury rehab center for "falling stars" "falling_stars"
  • Celebrities brew up a storm (but is it a tempest in a teacup? - FEATURED STORY [160]
  • Disney bans smoking [161]
  • Necrophilia okay in Wisconsin - FEATURED STORY [162]
  • Could-be jurors stand up courts - LEAD 2 [163]
  • Yahoo! caught making up news [164]
  • NASA photographs galaxies having sex [165]
  • President Bush a robot! - FEATURED STORY [166]
  • "Survivor" producer may offer miners (or families) TV series "Survivor"_producer_may_offer_miners_(or_families)_TV_series
  • Toy company boss commits suicide [167]
  • Giant jellyfish donated to Mexico [168]
  • Hubble telescope views Nowak trial - FEATURED STORY [169]
  • Michelle Trachtenberg proves she's an ass" - LEAD 1 [170]
  • Craig: "I did not have sex with that man!" - LEAD 1 [171]
  • Japanese men battle "unsightly bulge" - LEAD 1, LEAD 2, and FEATURED STORY [172]
  • Mythical beast discovered as road kill - LEAD 1 [173]
  • Shark scared to death by New Yorkers" [174]
  • Life After Buffy: The Musical [175]
  • Risque sand castle contest entry disqualified - FEATURED STORY [176]
  • Craig calls it quits on calling it quits - LEAD 2 [177]
  • Babel politics (or is that "babble politics"?) [178]
  • TV Guide publishes annual [179]
  • Sausage company admits advertising boner [180]
  • Silverstone bares soul, sort of - FEATURED STORY [181]
  • God responds to lawsuit - FEATURED STORY [182]
  • Swastika handbag recalled - FEATURED STORY [183]
  • Scientists discover Lucas' Farce - FEATURED STORY [184]
  • Deep-voiced women have fewer kids, study says - FEATURED STORY [185]
  • Ahmadinejad pleads, "Send us your homosexuals" - FEATURED STORY [186]
  • China bans sex - FEATURED STORY [187]
  • NFL sidelines cheerleaders - FEATURED STORY [188]
  • China goes braless [189]
  • Scientists "discover" new fossils [190]
  • Owen Wilson's first post-suicide appearance - LEAD 2[191]
  • Crandon police remove "Protect" from logo - FEATURED STORY [192]
  • Misfortune cookies: a new twist on a populat traditional "dessert" [193]
  • Russians beg officials to bury Lenin - LEAD 2 [194]
  • Schwarzengger endorses gay lifestyle - FEATURED STORY [195]
  • Parents denounce new Happy Meals toys - FEATURED STORY [196]
  • Dentist includes breast massage in his practice [197]
  • Actress portrays her own buttocks - LEAD 2 [198]
  • Hillary Clinton's dental care based on England's do-it-yourself approach [199]
  • Ellen Degenerate shows her softer side, sort of - LEAD 1 [200]
  • Military to deploy gaydar [201]
  • Bighorn sheep collared [202]
  • Selma Hayek: "My breasts are God's gift to men" - FEATURED STORY [203]
  • Being "blonde" may be catching - FEATURED STORY [204]
  • Wife asks court to declare her husband dead [205]
  • Sex Ed Teacher Sentenced to Community Service - [206]

-- WATCH THIS SPACE; there are lots more to come!

edit Uncyclopedia Articles

Weebils the Wonderful has also contributed these Uncyclopedia articles:


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!

edit Oh Dear!

Hello, Weebils, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Unfortunately, we've noticed that your contributions - not to put too fine a point on it - have been crap. Basically, we think you're a spammer/vandal/10-year-old. But don't despair! We have ways to make you talk.. ahem. I mean, there are ways to get you out of this mess.

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

Good luck and I'm sorry you got off to such a bad start. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!

If you need help or think this template has been placed unfairly, please an admin on their talk page, rather than going bat-fuck-insane. Alternatively you can ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! 

--thematrixeætsyou, the rocker (talk) (flames) 04:22, 12 February 2007 (UTC)

edit Re:Can you increase the volume for "Cracker Jack" recording?

I can edit the file, sure. I'll have that updated in two minutes. love, gustav talk at menope 20:34, 6 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks, I appreciate your help, Gustavo! Weebils 15:43, 7 December 2006 (UTC)Weebils

edit Welcome!

Hello, Weebils, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome!  —Braydie 08:42, 1 December 2006 (UTC)


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!

edit Welcome to UnNews and Merry Kaizum Me!

You should have gotten this some time ago... but then, I hadn't invented it yet. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:14, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

Che Ape

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Weebils, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

I invented this holiday about a week ago...

Karatechimp zim_ulator wishes you a Merry Kaizum Me!
the first holiday officially sanctioned by the church of zimizm (cOz)!

edit Dakota Fanning

I like your Dakota Fanning piece. Very gory. However, I think the movie should be directed by Mel Gibson, doing his typical blood-bath routine. I could really see him getting into the details of how he was going to cut up Dakota Fanning. --Super90 04:46, 18 January 2007 (UTC)

I'm glad you like the piece, and your idea has merit. I wanted to name the actual participants, though, because I think their conduct deserves to be parodied. Thanks for the interest and the feedback. Weebils 08:39, 18 January 2007 (UTC)Weebils
Super90, I wrote a follow-up article [251] in which I've taken your advice, mentioning Mel Gibson as the movie's director. Thanks for the suggestion! Weebils 22:36, 20 January 2007 (UTC)Weebils

Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!


Ah! The spring-fresh scent of a policeman‘s armpits!

edit RE: This

Well, it seems some of the "vandalisation" your talking about are my screwups. If a particular article is giving you trouble, or rather, if some one is messing with an article you thin should be protected, let me know and I'll check into it. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 21:56, 9 February 2007 (UTC)

I doubt it's you who are vandalizing anything, Zim, but someone sure is. Anyway, thanks for looking into things. I appreciate your help. Weebils 23:24, 9 February 2007 (UTC)Weebils

edit Please refrain from using InstantNews.COM

Never quote InstantNews.COM! InstantNews.ORG is ok though.

edit zim is bad

I've neglected to put you on the Team page, and that's very naughty of me. I do apologise because you have been a great contributor. Where are you from, so I can add you with a flag? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:30, 9 April 2007 (UTC)

Zim, Las Vegas - You mentioned that you might put me on the Team page and asked where I'm from so you can include a flag. Las Vegas, NV. Weebils 06:43, 10 April 2007 (UTC) Weebils

edit Erm, sorry...

It seems I have created a page about the same news story as you... Do you mind if I keep mine? Yours showed up first, so it's your call. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:09, Sep 22

Go ahead; we will keep yours. Thanks. Weebils 03:09, 11 October 2007 (UTC)Weebils

edit What with your 200-summat UnNewses...

Has any one of them yet been featured fur reelz? If not, I promise to change that.-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 00:29, 11 October 2007 (UTC)

edit Hi!

Just saw you wrote an UnNews, and we have a little competition going on, so if you submit your UnNews before the 30th at 23:59 UTC, the one you just wrote certainly qualifies! You can add it here: The Pee Buddy Awards or tell me on my talkpage if you want me to put it myself but hurry! This offer ends soon! :) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:33, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews

Just wanted to say that your UnNews are great! I took the liberty of adding pics to the last 2, the Obama-glorifying ones. :P Is it OK with you? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 16:25, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

By the way:

Foolitzer Nominated for the Foolitzer Prize
This user has been nominated for the Foolitzer Prize—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Foolitzer Prize.
Snowflake mini Mattsnow 16:41, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Do you know how to upload a pic? Your UnNews are awesome, but a pic goes a long way to help, especially since an image is required to put the article on the UnNews template. I understand your hesitation to socialize much (this is a pedophile, twisted fucks ridden site) but a reply would be really appreciated there, as I always add a pic to your news, I hope they're fine with you! :) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 22:06, May 3, 2012 (UTC)

edit Please pay attention to what page you're editing

This probably should have been on its own page, no? I'm going to assume this was an accident, but... any idea what caused it? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy 19:52, 9 May 2012 It is definitely an accident. I don't know what caused it, but it was never my intention to do anything but post my article as a regular article.

edit Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Obama mobbed at Clooney's gay gala

Nice one bro! Well, all of your UnNews are good. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:50, May 11, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks -- Weebils

edit Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Canada's new phunny munny

I nommed another one, you certainly deserve it. I'm very glad you told me thanks, quite frankly, it warmed my heart, I was like: I'm helping this guy and he really seems like he doesn't give a shit lol. You can vote for your own articles on VFH, everybody does it. If you don't know how to sign, just copy and paste this: ~~~~ , it will automagically produce your sig. Please tell me if you need help with formatting or stuff, there are no stupid question as my regular prostitute says LOL Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:53, May 12, 2012 (UTC) PS are you the cop or the guy on the ground?? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:55, May 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

I do appreciate your help. I have waited a long time to get a little recognition on Unnews, and you are doing all you can to help make that happen. hearty thanks.

edit ROFL!

Snowflake mini Mattsnow 22:10, May 22, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

I'm glad you are enjoying the articles, Mattsnow. It's fun writing them, even if it's not all that "rewarding." LOL Weebils (talk) 06:22, May 23, 2012 (UTC)

edit Yeah

The pay is not good, gotta do it for the love! I didn't write much at all for the last month for lack of time, but when I do write, I sometimes spend more time laughing than writing. (That sounds narcissistic as hell|) I was wondering if the "“And they say I misspeak!”" thing was a mistake (the weird box is created since you left a space at the beginning of each line.) Or maybe it's intentional? Anyway, it is another good one. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:31, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

PS I noticed you seem to be a Obama fan, maybe you'll like this one I wrote a year ago: UnNews:Obama: We're not responsible for drones with US Army emblem's actions :P Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:40, May 30, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks for the Tip

The boxes were unintentional. I'm glad someone (maybe you) fixed them. Thanks for the tip about the formatting (the extra spaces I included accidentally). I read your drone article and enjoyed it.

edit I'm not the one

who changed these fucking boxes, an IP did ( I invited him to my marriage, Glory be upon him ) I have so much respect for your UnNews that I thought it was intentional! I have a qweshtionn: did you ever consider writing an article? I know you can write a great article, I would like you to answer to this shitty message. Anyway, your contributions are so appreciated. Ahh, let me take a little sniff.......THINGS ARE GOING GREAT!|!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P Snowflake mini Mattsnow 22:26, May 31, 2012 (UTC)

Damn, alcohol is one hell of a drug lol ^^^^ and also:

edit Congratulations for your journalistic prowess!

Foolitzer Foolitzer Prize Winner May 2012

Snowflake mini Mattsnow 16:45, June 2, 2012 (UTC)


I appreciate all you've done to hel pme in receiving this recognition, Matt! THis is great! Weebils (talk) 17:04, June 2, 2012 (UTC)


I read something about this on the Internet. I enjoyed your humorous parody of the item and wanted to vote for it, but the voting is over, it seems. Keep up the good work! Weebils (talk) 01:03, June 4, 2012 (UTC)

edit I wrote a pretty sick one this morning

Well, gotta report on the current news in one's area, right?! I don't recommend research on this, but it really is an ongoing case here in Quebec... UnNews:Montrealer fed up with strikers dismembers one. What a sick fuck! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 04:39, June 3, 2012 (UTC)

I also wrote a follow-up, I think it is better: UnNews:Debate over death penalty raging in Canada. Do you keep tabs on how many of your articles have been featured through VFH? When you have 3 or more, you get into the Hall of shame. Tell me what you think about the article and don't be shy to nominate your articles on VFH yourself when you think they are hilarious: I sometines just read a paragraph or 2 when I'm in a hurry, plus well, there are too much UnNews nominated on VFH in relation to ordinary articles. I just had to write another UnNews about this guy since the Quebec media are going crazy. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:04, June 5, 2012 (UTC)
Hey, I just dug a bit, did you know you won the Foolitzer Prize in September 2007?!?! I'm not even kidding, the proof is in this voting archive! So, here you go, 5 years late lol

Foolitzer Foolitzer Prize Winner September 2007 Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:12, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

And while we are at it:

Puzzlepotato aqua Nominated Writer of the Month
This user has been nominated for Writer of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Month.
Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:51, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks.

No, I didn't know I'd ever won the Foolitzer before. LOL. I did find out how to vote for your article and gabe it a total For. Weebils (talk) 22:48, June 5, 2012 (UTC)

Hahaha, you probably were on a hiatus, I noticed your name was already in the Winners, you're one of 5 or 6 that won it twice or more. Man, don't be afraid to talk to people, go on their talk pages and fool around. :P Don't forget to read the follow-up article on the one you voted on: UnNews:Debate over death penalty raging in Canada. It's a lot less sadistic! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:50, June 6, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Michelle Obama's debut as a comedienne falls flat

Great one! You made a mistake in the coding for the picture, just go in the "history" of the article to see how I managed to get the pic bigger. I was stunned you didn't know about your 2007 award! I joined in 2011 and really like this place. I told earlier that I would like to see how you'd fare on an article (did you ever write any?) but if UnNews is what makes you have a good time, it is totally awesome. It really is not a sucker statement when I say that over the last few months, you're making an easy job for me, because I read every UnNews. Always feel free to contact me, we could collab. Have fun! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:47, June 8, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks for watching my back on the formatting/coding stuff

Appreciate your help. Glad you enjoyed the article. I have read and enjoyed yours, too. We make Unnews the unnewsworthy web site feature that it is! LOL -- Weebils


I notice you mess the code up! You do it like this: [[File:BillC.jpg|right|350px]|thumb|Clinton proves he's a hard act to follow]]. The ']' after the '350px' ruins the size of the pic, making it your default thumbnail size. Just do it like this: [[File:BillC.jpg|right|350px|thumb|Clinton proves he's a hard act to follow]] For comparison on the difference that ']' makes, here is the pic with the ']' and then without it:


Clinton proves he's a hard act to follow


Clinton proves he's a hard act to follow

Eh! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 04:11, June 10, 2012 (UTC)

edit Gotcha

Okay, Matt; thanks.Weebils (talk) 05:16, June 10, 2012 (UTC)

edit Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Obama: should he be committed?

Just read it thoroughly :3 Snowflake mini Mattsnow 13:09, June 10, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

Thanks, Matt. (I hope to win it someday.) Keep writing yours, too: they're funny and fun to read!

edit Unfortunately

It seems I have no inspiration unless a murder occurs :S I have a couple of half-finished articles. As I told earlier, would you happen to know how many of your articles got featured through VFH? You have at least 3 so far, which qualifies you to be in the Hall of shame. (See conversation at the bottom of my talk page) :P Snowflake mini Mattsnow 19:20, June 10, 2012 (UTC)

Why do you say "I hope to win it someday?" This is to determine which articles are going to grace the front page! lol. At least 3 of yours did so far, I hate to repeat myself, but do you have any ideas how many of your articles got featured through VFH? Do you know what I'm talking about? lol By the way, you have a healthy lead in the WOTM. And I added just a little bit to your latest UnNews. The pic is hilarious! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:32, June 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit No idea

No, Matt, I have no idea how many of mine have been featured through VFH, nor am I sure what VFH is (or WOTM). I just like to parody the news, I guess. LOL -- Your addition to my article was good--funny and pertinent both. Whoa!

WOTM is Writer of the Month! XD I'll try to sort out with some other folks how many of your articles got on the front page (not the UnNews frontpage, the site's frontpage) but your unknowing and/or disregard is just cracking me up! You are truly one of a kind here, there are no users like you at all! Keep'em coming and have fun! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 06:09, June 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Diane Keaton: "Hollywood is incestuous"

Oh yeah, certainly! You also made your grand entry into Uncyclopedia's Hall of shame, you are at the bottom with 3! People like to feature articles rather than UnNews, so the fact you had 3 UnNews featured certainly means they are hilarious, and I think the one I linked you to may very well be the fourth one! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:54, June 18, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks (again)

Thanks again, good buddy. I'd do the research myself, but I'm not very well educated as to the ins and outs of Unnews' opearting parameters and stuff. LOL I do enjoy writing the occasional article, though. I hope you have enjoyed my latest ones. I may take a bit of a break for a while, but, if I do, fear not: I shall return! LOL Weebils (talk) 06:46, June 18, 2012 (UTC)

You overheated lol. If you do take a break, don't forget to drop back from time to time, you really are a breath of fresh air on UnNews! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:11, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit will do

Oh, I may not even take a break, but, if I do, I'll be back. Unnews is addictive!

You're right, writing an UnNews can be done in one shot, whereas an article is likely to take several days or weeks. That's what seductive about UnNews, although I sometimes took a couple of days to write one lol. I think my artiles are better than my UnNews though, if you want to read one, go on my page. Also, would you like to collaborate on an article? It would be a long-term thing, of course. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:53, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks, but can't right now

Thanks for the offer to collaborate, but I can't do so at this time. Maybe in the future, though.

edit Just wrote a really stupid one lol

UnNews:Cannibalism becoming increasingly popular. I'll read yours later, the title is promising! I have to go cycling :P Snowflake mini Mattsnow 18:13, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for taking the time to read it! I read yours (UnNews:Obama's autobiography exposed as "blatant lies") and it is juuuust a little short of being nommed on VFH for me. Of course it's good enough for the UnNews front page. It felt like it dragged on a bit in spots, maybe a bit too much repetitions. But I'm not the comedy god, if you feel your UnNews deserves a shot at VFH, (any of them) by all means, add them by yourself! It's not a shame at all. Do you know how to do it? Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:16, June 23, 2012 (UTC)

edit Enjoyed it

I read your article, enjoyed it, and voted for it. Nice job, Matt!

edit Someone forgot to give you your awards!

Here they are!

And I just nominated the breast one. As Georges Bush would say, they are proud to have the breast and brightest! Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:"Breastaurants" share their secrets of success. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 20:24, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks again, Matt

Thanks again for your hard work in helping me to get some recognition; I appreciate it. I also enjoy your articles and have voted for them to receive awards as well. When I get time (probably not for some time), we'll have to collaborate on an article or two. Weebils (talk) 04:54, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

edit Latest Unnews Article

Thank you for writing that article...too...much...boobs...*shorts out keyboard with drool and passes out*p;ofwrpotjk34pojtm34opjgtmpo3lv,g'¡²³¤€¼½¾‘’¥ --UbuntuCETeh Penis Guy 8==> (Ask My Dick A Question)Winlogo 23:27, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

edit I've been observing you

Having joined the site not long ago, my big attraction is UnNews, it's fun and simple to do. (satisfying!) Why so many ignore UnNews and go writing giant articles is beyond me? Everyone wants a quick daily chuckle and the news does it better than other sites like the Onion or Cracked. Matt is a great guy who does tons of work keeping the section running. Between you and me and whoever else is reading this, I think he actually sits and WAITS like an editor of a newspaper because he's quick as a flash to put things in correct places etc. That's dedication. Until now I've waited to pick someone to work with and our unnews ideas are from a very similar mind, I'm surprised how parallel we think. You had even written about Lohan before me and I was giggling at the truth in the article about her crash! Really funny article! So, if you want to put some articles out together and mock the Lois and Clark idea of a press duo, I'd be so willing to give it a go. "Weebils and Keys" the champion news team or something. I did an article in honor of your fantastic "Breastaurants" idea to show how well we might work together. Your Diane Keaton article was a perfect follow through to everything Lohan. You then opened up new avenues like Woody or marriage etc. It is amazing what we can get away with here, it's funny that's why!! Daniel Ticklethekeys (talk) 01:12, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

I got you!!! It's better being on Uncyclopedia than working (or pretending to :P) or watching TV. You're right, we can get away with a whole lot here! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 01:35, June 28, 2012 (UTC)
Oh damn you are fast! How are you? I really actually mean that if you didn't care about the section I wouldn't bother as often to write. It's like an office to know that when I press send my boss (you I suppose ;-) is there to say yes or no. Think Weebils is a printing press and not human! Can't keep up with him. My keyboard is noticeably thinner than it used to be Ticklethekeys (talk) 01:53, June 28, 2012 (UTC)
Oh while we are here, did any of my UnNews make front? Where's Mr. Potato head? I cry til you give me poptato head. :-( Ticklethekeys (talk) 02:00, June 28, 2012 (UTC)
I know you meant well, Ticklethekeys, don't worry :P Well, your UnNews is on the front page, but to the right: it is the UnNews section. I liked the Chinese breastaurant one! Also, I like writing full articles, even though it's more of a long term thing. Working on a few right now. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:55, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

edit Flattered

I am flattered by your offers, Keys and Matt, to cowrite some article with you, and I would love to take you up on them, although I can't do so at present, as there are too many other demands on my time just now. However, in the future, we can do a few together if you still want to do so. It could be a lot of fun--and, hopefully, a lot of funny. I enjoyed the Chinese breastaurant article, Keys, as I have your articles as well, Matt. Great minds, I guess, really do think alike. LOL Weebils (talk) 06:21, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Supreme Court rules Congress free to stick it to the American people

I like it, but do you think it'd be funnier if you'd cut the song to only the last paragraph (twelve whatever?) I also added a pic, feel free to remove it if you don't like! :P Snowflake mini Mattsnow 01:15, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Check out this one I just came up with XD UnNews:Benny Hinn strongly opposes Obamacare. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 04:54, June 29, 2012 (UTC)
Some retard had deleted the pic I added on your UnNews, I added it back! So, what do you think of UnNews:Benny Hinn strongly opposes Obamacare? Nice one again today about the Will Smith wife. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 05:36, June 30, 2012 (UTC)

edit Enjoyed it

I thought your Hinn article quite amusing. I haven't heard of him before. Is he Canadian?

Originally from Palestine, immigrated to Canada at a young age. I read that his "Ministry" brings in more than 100 millions a year. Quite a talented fraud, the guy is. There are a lot of documentaries about him on YT. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:52, July 1, 2012 (UTC)
Just put your UnNews on the front page. The Wolf Blitzer bit had me lolling! I'm surprised that not a lot of people seem to know who Benny Hinn is. He is on TV internationally everyday, in like 200 countries. At the end of every episodes, he asks the audience to put their hands on the screen and "heals" them: "I see a lady with a tumor... It is gone now, in the name of JESUS! Now please send me money to help me spread God's work..." And it works! He's the utmost showman and scam artist. :P Snowflake mini Mattsnow 10:31, July 1, 2012 (UTC)

edit Congrats!

Writer of the month Writer of the Month June 2012 --Pwn head Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:24, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

Thank you for the notification! It's an honor. Weebils (talk) 22:52, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

edit Once again

Foolitzer Nominated for the Foolitzer Prize
This user has been nominated for the Foolitzer Prize—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Foolitzer Prize.

And Cooper Anderson is gay with Wolf Blitzer?!?!?! :O Snowflake mini Mattsnow 06:44, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

Thanks, Matthew. I am taking a bit of a break from writing, but I shall return.

Well, you deserve it! You write great ones so I try to keep you well fed and hydrated! XD Seriously, I'm sure everyone likes your UnNews a lot. The last one had me almost pissing my pants and I put it on VFH right there. When it is a true story, it would be cool if you put the link to the real news article about it like I did, it always brings extra laughs to read the real thing. STORMING OFF!!! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 23:25, July 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit And Thanks AGAIN!

Thanks again, Matt; it's good to be appreciated. I enjoy writing the artiucles, but the praise is narcotic!Weebils (talk) 00:05, July 21, 2012 (UTC)

edit Finally wrote something

I don't know if you like cycling, but tell me what you think if you have time :P UnNews:Uncharismatic cyclist wins Tour de France in boring fashion Snowflake mini Mattsnow 08:54, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

edit Yes, enjoyed your article!

Very funny, Matt. I enjoyed it a lot and would have recommended it for an ward if I knew how to nominate stuff. Excellent! More, please. Weebils (talk) 16:18, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry, you signed it! I may be a little tipsy, sorry. that will not prevent me from writing IN ALLL CAPSSS *this user died from potato malfunction* Snowflake mini Mattsnow 19:55, July 24, 2012 (UTC)
Took out the pic of the elephant, I want to keep it secret until I write something with it. Also, one hell of a hangover this morning lol. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 08:49, July 25, 2012 (UTC)

edit Your UnNews

are awesome man, just incredible. I hate to be an ass, but please sign your posts by copying this: ~~~~ Or else, make your prayers and bow before the beheading! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 19:51, July 24, 2012 (UTC)

edit Weebils (talk) 07:39, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

There you go, Matthew.

I liked the volleyball UnNews! Speaking of Olympics, I just wrote one to clarify some competitions: UnNews:London Olympics athletics report It is a handy guide. :P Snowflake mini Mattsnow 17:28, August 2, 2012 (UTC)

edit Enjoyed your article

Loved your article explaining the Olympics events--the picture itself was a riot--the text was hilarious! Weebils (talk) 06:19, August 3, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Scientist studies afterlife

Hahaha, I liked it! It's quite different, as I was thinking it is an entertaining philosophical article, and then the Obama line hit. Very nice! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:02, August 5, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks

Glad you liked it. Weebils (talk) 21:24, August 5, 2012 (UTC)

edit Change in direction

Hi! Just wanted to inform you that I am not the UnNews chief anymore, since I resigned. All details on this forum Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:28, August 17, 2012 (UTC)

edit Sorry to hear it

Sorry to hear of the change in direction, Matt. I hope you will stay in touch, as I have enjoyed our occasional "talks" here on Unnews. Thanks, too, for all your efforts on my behalf. I sincerely do appreciate them. Again, don't be a stranger! Weebils (talk) 22:12, August 17, 2012 (UTC)

I'll stick around, don't worry, I'll read your UnNews for sure! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 23:32, August 17, 2012 (UTC)
Hey, man, thanks for the kind words on the forum, but I think the new czar is not at fault. I certainly didn't have much to do with the quality of the articles, they were good and that was the author's fault! I hope you continue to write, but I'm not really in a position to push people to do so since I didn't write anything for at least a month. My last article (that I forgot to whore to you, what was I thinking?) is Quebec City, a realistic look at my hometown! I'll certainly get to writing again, I just read a few of your UnNews recently, about Obama coming out of the closet and all and they made me laugh. The motivation will come back, I hope yours too! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 09:52, September 9, 2012 (UTC)
Read your "Quebec City; enjoyed it. Funny. I don't mean to dis the new guy, but the fact is (in my opinion) that the layout is unaesthetic, the articles are less amusing, and the periods between posts (publications) seem much longer. Anyway, I may check back from time to time. If you decide to take the reins again in the future, let me know. Thanks, Matt, and good luck with the writing. Weebils (talk) Weebils
Thanks, Ticklethekeys talked about creating a website with news around December. We talk via e-mail, and I immediately thought of you to participate (If it ever comes to fruition). Just hit me up at :) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 20:51, September 14, 2012 (UTC)
May do that, Matt, if time allows. My schedule is busier these days. Can't say I like the new "Unnews." You could email me at -- I don't check my email all that often anymore, though, so it might be a while. LOL Weebils (talk) 02:38, September 18, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Government official's decree causes bra brouhaha‎‎

This headline should change! "Government official's decree" convinces the reader not to read further. I barely got to your real lead: the word "bra." Bra news sells papers, Tiger! You ought to figure out how to turn it around. Separately, apart from adding the always titillating topic of elderly nudity, it struck me that most of the humor was in the source: The UnNews was barely funnier than the news. Spıke Ѧ 00:30 20-May-13

Do you mind if I change the title to reflect Spike's suggestion? Bra brouhaha over official's decree, perhaps? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:39, May 21, 2013 (UTC)
Sure, change it.

I've seen to it; thanks, Reverend. Spıke Ѧ 01:34 23-May-13

Oops... that one got by me. In my defense, I've slept more than I was awake lately. A few things got by me. What's today? Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 03:29, May 23, 2013 (UTC)

edit Cheers!

I see you've been busy during my sabbatical. I am in awe of your multiple awards and stuff. Somebody should bake you a big pan of hash brownies. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 13:38, May 21, 2013 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Obama to media: "we're coming for you!"‎‎

This humorous treatment of last week's Presidential headlines, done to amuse, intersects broadly with Rush Limbaugh's humorous treatment of it, done as overt anti-Obama propaganda. So large parts of it read like advocacy. It is hard to cover politics with a conspiracy angle, because there are tons of serious conspiracy theorists, partisans who happily indulge conspiracy theories in the name of more effective persuasion, and many others who worry about possible abuses whether or not there is a conspiracy. Spıke Ѧ 15:46 9-Jun-13

PS: I have just stumbled over, and renamed, UnNews:IRS throws employee parties at taxpayer expense. It is worse. The Obama abuses, hypocrisies, and scandals are legion. This is not the website to document them, even with a bit of jauntiness. There must be a comedy concept separate to the news as our value-added. Spıke Ѧ 02:00 10-Jun-13

edit Do not delete posts to your talk page

In the case of controversy, we depend on an accurate transcript of what was said, in this case, a valid criticism from me about two of your UnNewses. Spıke Ѧ 13:54 14-Jun-13

edit UnNews:Obummer "honored" by New Guinea tribesmen's "heartfelt gift"‎‎

I like this even less than the above ones. I am no fan of Obama, but calling him "Obummer" in the headline puts off half your audience. And I don't see what this relates to. If there is a news item I missed, then please do it up as a Source. Criticism of Obama should be a result of reading your satire, not dished on with epithets before the reader begins. Spıke Ѧ 04:06 4-Mar-14

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