User talk:Wally Burns

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edit Welcome!

Hello, Wally Burns, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button ( Button sig ) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome!  -- Sir Mhaille  Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

edit From Dawg's Talk Page (to whom it may concern)

I understand you are the person to speak to about this subject. It concerns the conduct of my brother, Eddie, who you would know better as Anonymous Slashy.
I want to apologise on behalf of my family for his behaviour. He has Asperger's Disorder rather badly and when people do not understand the way he thinks (or rather he believes that is what is happening) he behaves in a provoking and volatile manner. In case you are not aware, people with the disorder to such a degree have a tendency to live in a fantasy world and wants people from the outside to share it. He does not understand when they do not wish to participate.
Now what provoked this message is that last night Eddie attempted to commit suicide. Luckily I was able to stop him before he did too much damage and he is in hospital at present recovering from the physical injuries he has inflicted on himself. He is still angry with this website, and I can not see that anger going away any time soon if some sort of resolution is not found. He is obsessing over this article, and that attitude is presenting a danger to him.
Now as much as Eddie is not stupid, he can however be gullible if given certain information. What I am suggesting as a solution to you is this. If you were to remove the article for a period of time (say one month) it may lead him to believe that he has won even though he has not, and he will leave this site for good. That has happened before when he has in fact won. It may be an idea to do the same to the user page that was created for Eddie's given identity. Meanwhile, I would like try and rewrite this article. The idea of doing a funny article on Asperger's Disorder appeals to me and I have a base in mind to achieve this. That being their tendency to take things literally. I do agree with Eddie that the article is not very funny, although I would not call it offensive myself. Also, if it is kept simple, the concerns Eddie had over others being offended may be allayed. If you could point me as to where to place this article for your perusal when I have finished it would help.
It is a shame that this whole mess ensued. I offer no excuses for Eddie's behaviour, and everything you people said was provoked by Eddie's volatile attitude. We can not change him, but we can trick him. I hope you can help because I do love my brother and I hate seeing him like this. When he is not angry he is a very nice person and a wonderful uncle to my children. But when he is angry he is almost impossible to deal with, as you have seen.
Just quickly on what has been said above. I believe it would be prudent to keep the forum locked as you had it before, just in case.
Thank you for your attention, and again I hope you can help resolve this. Wally Burns 21:03, 30 October 2006 (UTC)
Wally, thanks for taking the time to visit Uncyclopedia in what must be a very difficult time for you. I'm sure everyone will wish your brother a speedy recovery.
With regards to the article, a decision has already been reached, and we have voted for it to remain. I hope you can understand that it would be a slippery slope to begin to remove articles on the whim's of individuals. I'm not sure that he would be "tricked" even if the article were removed. For his own peace of mind perhaps you could set up Uncyclopedia as a banned site in his computer?
Please pass on our best wishes to "Slashy". -- Sir Mhaille  Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Unfortunately I am of the opinion that placing a block on a website that is causing him distress will only make him madder. And he also knows how to fix that problem. So it will not assist. I understand that you wish to remain steadfast in your decision, and under normal conditions that would be the correct reaction. But in this instance I do not agree. I am not suggesting that the article be removed permanently. In fact, if we can distract Eddie without making it obvious it may not need to be a month. It would also depend on how long it will take me to finish my version as suggested.
I am not proficient in the coding of this Wiki technology, but is it possible to hide the article from users who are not logged in? Make it appear as though it has been deleted or something along those lines? I am just thinking on the fly there.
I do thank you for your condolences, and I hope to hear from the owner of this talk page and anyone else who is interested in this very soon. Wally Burns 21:48, 30 October 2006 (UTC)
I second Mhaille's comments and wish your brother a full and speedy recovery. -- Hindleyite 21:32, 30 October 2006 (UTC)
By all means, Wally, rewrite to your heart's content. Feel free to ask any of us if you're stuck on something. The basic wiki coding is pretty quick to learn, it's just the funky advanced stuff that gets bizarre.  Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen I Card-hearts-up my cat! 07:04, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
Duh. My brain wasn't working: I meant to add that if you create the article in your user space, i.e.: User:Wally Burns/Asperger's Syndrome, it should be safe from others editing it. . . not that it's locked, but it's considered poor form to mess with pages (other than talk pages, like this one) in another user's space. When you're happy with it, you can move or copy it into the mainspace.   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen I Card-hearts-up my cat! 10:04, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
Thank you, Tooltroll. I believe you may have been confused by my reference to general possibilities about blocking the article, not so much my own formatting efforts. I am looking at present at using the current article as a base, as I wish to retain the conversation piece (which I found amusing but then I may be biased because I do not like Alec Baldwin). I will use that page suggestion and when the link changes from red to blue you may look at what I have. It is not very easy to be humourous at the present moment, so some changes may need to be made from the first draft. Wally Burns 00:38, 2 November 2006 (UTC)
You can try making it about asperagus. That would be both funny and non-offensive. I don't care if the article is offensive or not, I just think that whatever is there should be funny. I have sympathy for your plight, but would respectfully suggest that the answer is psychological commitment and whatever long term care is available, since there will always be material online that will offend him, and there's no way to get rid of it all. For his own protection, he ought to be committed for life or until cured of suicidal ideation, and part of that commitment should be lack of access to the internet. Disabling internet access at your home is another option that you should consider. This man should not be online and requires expert medical assistance and likely long term care and support. --Hrodulf 22:52, 1 November 2006 (UTC)
In the state of Victoria, Hrodulf, "committing" is not available. The state government shut down all mental institutions a number of years ago. The only options that are available at present are a normal hospital (which can only keep him until his physical injuries heal) or the psychiatric ward of a jail. And this is only for convicted criminals and Eddie is certainly not a convicted criminal. As far as long term care is concerned, there is a long standing issue in Victoria that Aspergers Disorder is not taken as seriously as it should be. We have been seeking assistance with Eddie when he is in these rages numerous times, only to be told that because his disability is "not significant" there is no funding available. We are already spending enough money keeping our mother cared for (she suffers from dementia) and our father died a number of years ago in a car accident. Also, it is illegal under Australian law to deny a person Internet access unless they have committed a criminal act. I believe this was to force a number of Internet Service Providers to service Australia's outback regions. So the situation is not as simple as you appear to believe that it is. I assume that you do not live in Australia. The only protection available at this time is having Eddie on suicide watch, which is monitored by the local mental health authorities. I am yet to receive an update from the hospital psychiatrist who is attempting to reason with Eddie, but this has failed before. I do however add that I have never seen him as angry as to attempt to take his own life before. And that is frightening to say the least.
Just in case, I have posted this on a library computer close to my work. Eddie has used this facility in the past. Wally Burns 00:38, 2 November 2006 (UTC)
I will sniff around online and see if there's any organization that could help you with your problem. Naturally, I am unfamilar with the conditions in Victoria, but deinstitutionalization has been a factor here as well and we are also dealing with the consequences. If I find any useful information I'll let you know about it. --Hrodulf 04:59, 2 November 2006 (UTC)
I suppose you've browsed http://www.health.vic.gov.au/mentalhealth/. Try searching for 'suicide' in their on site search. Maybe there's some contact information and they can give you some options. --Hrodulf 05:03, 2 November 2006 (UTC)
I also think you should reconsider cancelling your internet service. I don't see how there's a law requiring you to have it, and nothing's stopping him from buying his own connection, so you're not keeping him from getting online so there can't be a crime by cancelling it. I think just not having the source of the irritation there will help him. Like I said before, it seems to me like it's a very bad idea for him to be on the internet. --Hrodulf 05:24, 2 November 2006 (UTC)
It is not so much that there is a law required everyone to have the Internet. The law is to prevent the refusal of service to those who desire it. In other words it is the reverse of what you suggested was the case. Eddie already pays for his own connection, and only he can cancel it and I do not see him doing that any time soon. He relies on the Internet for social contact as his real life skills are not up to it regretably. So it is a two edged sword if you understand what I am saying. He should not be on the Internet, and yet he needs to be.
I am already familiar with the Mental Health Department in Victoria, and they do have a procedure in place with regards to suicide. The issue I certainly have with it is that it is too generalised and generic. Whilst it is useful in it's own way, it is nevertheless less than what is really required.
While I am here, I have been considering options that this website could take to assist without deleting the article. Eddie has requested certain items from home which I will be taking to him tomorrow once I get the keys to his flat. While I am there I will take a look at his computer and see how much of this website is bookmarked. I will not delete them as that will anger him, but maybe some temporary re-directions may fool him. Again, I am thinking on the fly. Anything to get the easiest possible solution that satisfies everyone. Eddie is very stubborn at times as you have seen, and I do hate tricking him in order to simply calm him down. But there are no other options unless this website is happy to wear more attacks from him once he gets home. Which of course I seriously doubt. Wally Burns 10:26, 2 November 2006 (UTC)
Obviously if he pays for it himself, that's not going to work. Hm. Maybe there's something else online that could work. --Hrodulf 04:35, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

edit Continuation

Today I accessed Eddie's computer, and as I suspected Eddie has bookmarked a number of pages here;

There were a number of other pages in the history files and I cleared the history. I do not think Eddie will make a fuss over that as he may assume that was a result of him being offline for a number of days.

Hrodulf, if we are to work on a solution it may be within these pages. Particularly the forum. I noticed that they had been moved to a folder called "Benson". This may work to our advantage. If Eddie's bookmark does not function correctly he will attempt to locate the forum on the Village Dump front page. And when he does not find it he may believe the page to be removed. May I suggest a slight name change for the Volume 3 link, from Asperger to Aspergers. Apply the same change to the other two volumes. The top link can be removed without anything actually being deleted. I believe that may assist matters.

While I am here, I can inform you (and anyone else who peruses this conversation) that Eddie is progressing with his recovery from his physical injuries. However he is proving to be a handful for the staff at the hospital. The hospital psychiatrist is not very familiar with Aspergers Disorder and has called for someone who is more proficient. Any attempt to convince Eddie that this issue is not worth the distress is being labelled "intolerant" and "offensive". With a number of expletives inserted. He has his own room, which had to be done to protect other patients from the verbal rages (which believe me are loud). The trinkets I brought from his flat did calm him down for a time, but this website is dominating his thoughts. Wally Burns 09:23, 3 November 2006 (UTC)

I wrote some content at User:Wally Burns/Asperger's Syndrome. I am mainly doing this because I agree the page is poorly written (though not for the reason Wally does) and would like to bring this episode to a close as well as improve the page. However, if this doesn't work, and you and/or Wally don't have any suggestions as to how to fix it, my options for dealing with this are going to be pretty much eliminated. If Wally wants the page to change, he's probably going to have to compromise. --Hrodulf 08:53, 8 November 2006 (UTC)
Let's not be nasty about comprimises, Hrodulf. I looked at what you wrote and I think the first part is wonderful! I noticed some spelling errors which I will correct. I have just finished my idea, but I see no reason to delete any of what you have added - but instead add to it with parts of what I have worked on. Wally Burns 11:30, 8 November 2006 (UTC)
I've just added my material which includes some of the work from the original page which is worth retaining. I also incorporated your idea with Asparagus in my additions - which is frankly a stroke of genius on your part. I would like to know what think. As stated I have not removed any of your content, and just corrected some spelling errors. Wally Burns 11:45, 8 November 2006 (UTC)
I didn't intend to be nasty, it's just that for the site to be comedic I think there may have to be some stuff in there he might not be happy with. We cannot provide a straight article on Aspergers. --Hrodulf 12:00, 8 November 2006 (UTC)
Ah I understand. You were referring to Eddie when you were speaking and put my name by mistake. Eddie doesn't compromise as a general rule. I certainly agree that a straight article would be inappropriate. Are you happy with the article as it stands now? I think with my alterations to the original combined with your fresh injection we have a much better contribution. What do you think? Wally Burns 20:09, 9 November 2006 (UTC)
Well, it isn't exactly the best thing I ever wrote, but it's probably funnier than what was there before, so I don't have a problem with it. And yes, I did confuse your name with your brother's, oops. Oh well, nobody's perfect.
If you can't change the Asperger's Syndrome article yourself ask Dawg or someone else about it and show them what we wrote. Otherwise you can work on it some more if you want. As long as people agree that it's funnier this way, there shouldn't be a problem. --Hrodulf 20:44, 9 November 2006 (UTC)
I will ask Dawg to look at it now, and ask him to spread the word and see if we can get an agreement on the change. Certainly it is funnier than what is there now.
Oh and I almost forgot. Do you agree with my suggestion about the minor change to the forum that Eddie has bookmarked? There is a chance he may be going home this weekend so the sooner it is done the better. Wally Burns 09:57, 10 November 2006 (UTC)
I have no problem with a page move, but if it's done it'd be a good idea to wipe all the talk page comments about the move so he won't find those. --Hrodulf 12:15, 10 November 2006 (UTC)
I completely agree. Wally Burns 23:52, 10 November 2006 (UTC)

edit Forum topics

Hi there. Only just found this conversation, but I've gone ahead and moved the forum topics to new pages with Asperger's in the title instead. They are completely unlinked now, so should only be findable by people who know where to look. I think the only way to get the article itself replaced would be to start a vote on it at the Village Dump forum. I'm not sure how people would react to this whole thing starting up again though! Is your brother back from hospital yet, and is he still obsessing about the article? I'm hoping some time away from it gave him some perspective, but that may be a bit optimistic. Spang talk 14:39, 14 Nov 2006

Thank you for the change you have made, Spang. Eddie is still in hospital even though his physical injuries are healing well enough. The hospital psychiatrist is refusing to release him until he stops talking about this website (yes I am afraid he is still obsessing about it). He is concerned that unless Uncyclopedia gives in to him, he will try to harm himself a second time. Now we all know that this website will not be complying with such a scenario. The latest is that Eddie is wanting a second opinion and he also wants a lawyer, and as his physical injuries are going well he may well force a release from hospital.
I agree with your suggestion about the vote. The only concern would be to name the thread in such a way that Eddie will not be able to link it to the issue at hand. I certainly can not think of anything readily. Do you have any suggestions for a title? Wally Burns 21:52, 14 November 2006 (UTC)
Actually, having thought about it a bit more, I'd say just paste the newer version in, and leave a note on the talk page or something explaining that it's not vandalism just in case, though that shouldn't be problem. It is a wiki after all. I think the new version is better, so should be ok.
It would be possible to set up Eddie's computer so that the http://uncyclopedia.org address redirects to a fake "this site has been shut down" message using the hosts file. This would only work as long as that could be set up on every computer he might use, but would make the site completely inaccessible without seeming like it's been blocked. It would also be undetectable unless he's very computer literate. Perhaps that would work in conjunction with getting the local library you mentioned to block the site as well? Spang talk 11:57, 15 Nov 2006
I completely agree with your first statement, except that I can not edit the Asperger Syndrome page. But the second statement is not possible as Eddie is as computer literate as you feared he may be, particularly with Internet access software. The library he uses (and indeed I also use on occasion) is the State Library of Victoria, and I know for a fact that they do not block specific websites unless they display pornography. They have a large number of computers with Internet access (numbering around 50 at a ball park estimation) also. Wally Burns 20:25, 15 November 2006 (UTC)
Correction. I have looked at the page and it can now be edited. I shall change it now. Wally Burns 20:28, 15 November 2006 (UTC)
Ok, looks good now, though I suspect Eddie isn't going to be happy unless it's removed completely. Perhaps the fact that you helped rewrite it may affect his view on it, though I don't know if you'll be telling him about your involvement with it or not.
Seeing as it seems that removing or limiting his access to the website isn't an option and compromise is unlikely too, I can only hope he eventually loses interest, or finds something constructive to channel his energy into instead. Good luck to you all with that. Spang talk 01:20, 16 Nov 2006
I spoke to Eddie today. He doesn't know about what I've done (and it is better that way), but I put to him the option of rewriting the article over deleting it. I then just sat back and listened as I know that is the best way to cope with him. I think he will wear the rewriting, and he does like Bugs Bunny and knows the Ministry of Silly Walks sketch by heart so that will help. His sense of humour is based a great deal on literal interpretation, which is partly why I made the alterations that I did.
As far as losing interest completely is concerned, this is something that needs to be addressed locally. The state government has been callous towards Eddie's needs and if they can be turned around he will hopefully have the distraction that will make it too difficult to keep being negative when there are positives to be had. Wally Burns 08:49, 16 November 2006 (UTC)
Please read my comments here --Hrodulf 02:46, 22 November 2006 (UTC)

edit Redirection

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Talk:Asperger_Syndrome#Redirection

I have saved the Asperger article on my user page and inserted the redirection and I will be reverting it tonight pending Eddie's reaction. Wally Burns 20:18, 23 November 2006 (UTC)

edit The protest

I must say I am stunned beyond belief. When I arrived at the protest in front of the landlord's house over the lack of electricity to the block of flats that Eddie resides in, I was in time to get in between the landlord and another resident who were about to come to blows. It is getting extremely stupid as the landlord has said he does not have the spare money to do the job required. I asked Eddie what had been said and he told me that the landlord wanted only one electrician to do the job and he could not pay him. He would not hear any other suggestions. I then tried to speak to the landlord myself, but he told me in very ugly terms to leave him alone.

As it is a Saturday our options are rather limited. The electricity company will not come and fix the fuse box without clearance from the landlord, which is unfortunate. Even when the situation was explained to them they would not change their position. Eddie and I were able to contact the agent (who is unimpressed with the conduct of the landlord) and we were able to get a form to fill out for a "Breach of Duty" complaint. When I attempted to serve the landlord with his copy he tore it up and threw it in my face, so it appears that this matter will go before the local authority, the Civil and Administration Tribunal, on Monday.

Meanwhile, a good samaritan came forward with a generator. It will only help the flats that have children though so Eddie remains without electricity. He was angry at first, but I was able to explain to him why the children got priority over him and I managed to calm him down. I have put his refridgerated food in my refridgerator for now.

What a mess we have! Wally Burns 07:06, 25 November 2006 (UTC)

edit The closure

This morning the landlord failed to attend the hearing at the Civil and Administration Tribunal. His refusal to attend led to an automatic finding against him after the evidence was presented. An order was issued and one of Eddie's neighbours handled the arrangements for an electrician to come and fix the fuse box. The bill will go to the landlord, and Eddie told me that it will be a fair amount of money. The agent has also informed the landlord that his conduct was "pathetic" and I understand the landlord is going to try and protest the order. The fact that he no showed the original hearing will go against him. The most important thing is that Eddie has his electricity restored.

We are now going after the hospital psychiatrist for his behaviour. Dr. Rickard (or as Eddie refers to him "Dr.Dickhead") has already been sacked from the hospital, but there is a principle to be observed here. That battle will dominate Eddie's thoughts now that he believe the issue here has been resolved.

This will therefore be my final message on this website. As I stated on the forum, thank you for your consideration and have a merry Christmas and a happy 2007. Wally Burns 09:41, 27 November 2006 (UTC)

There's no reason why you can't stick around and contribute, Wally. I hope we haven't seen the last of you.   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen I Card-hearts-up my cat! 15:23, 2 December 2006 (UTC)
He's still probably checking out on some things here, I hope we don't see the last of him either.--Scott 02:55, 4 December 2006 (UTC)
Though he probably would want to use a different username. --goshzillacorrespondence 02:03, 7 December 2006 (UTC)
Naaaah. I don't think anybody gives a rat's ass what name he uses. Very few would realize he's Eddie's brother, and nobody would care. For that matter, Eddie himself would be welcome here if there wasn't any more drama.  Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen I Card-hearts-up my cat! 05:55, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

edit From me

Humbugs

  Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen I Card-hearts-up my cat! 08:11, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

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