User talk:UnMathew

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Hello UnMathew!
Hello UnMathew!

Welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thanks for making an account here. We were just sitting down for dinner, so you can just come on in! Hopefully, you'll like it here and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah that's it. And don't forget to wipe your shoes on your way out, you wouldn't want to get the outside world dirty. Anyway, if you do decide to stay, I have a few good links for people like you:

Golden chalice of stupidity

Now that you're here, you get

the golden chalice of stupidity.
the golden chalice of stupidity.

  • Beginner's Guide ~ This is by far the best thing you can read as a noob. It'll give you great tips on how to get started here. Personally, I've read it at least three times.
  • How to be funny and not just stupid ~ Now this, is just the best thing, period. If you are ever (and I do mean ever) unsure about anything writing wise, consult this. It is my personal belief that the more times you read this, and the more you use it when writing, the better your writing will be. Yeah, it's that good. If I were you I'd read it at least once through and through before editing anything.
  • About us ~ This may be shorter then the others, but don't dismiss it, it could help you just as much as the other two.

If you want to know more, the following can be great secondaries to the above.

  • Our Vanity Policies ~ why we don't care about your friends, your English teacher, or that gay douche-bag who lives down the road.
  • How To Get Started Editing ~ This is like the beginners guide, but all about the editing part. This helps, A LOT.
  • FAQs ~ This is a list of the answers to questions we've been asked so many times that we'll shoot ourselves if we get asked again. Everything from "How do I insert pictures?" to "Can I be an admin?".


If you want your pages to last, those are good places to learn the basics of how to do it. And there are many more. But with enough practice, your page (that's right, I said yours) could even make it to the front page!

But please, For the love of all that is holy, whatever you do, DO NOT VANDALIZE! You see, here at Uncyclopedia we tend to frown apon that. So if you vandalize we'll slit your throat. Got it? Good!

When on talkpages or forums, please sign your name using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will magically produce your name and the date so we know who said what. And when.

To create a page, simply click here. Or make it in your userspage by clicking here: User:UnMathew/Insert article name here. If you do decide to make your article in mainspace, remember to put a {{WIP}} tag on your page if you're still working on it.

And finally, just have fun. It's why we're all here. Maintain a good attitude and you'll do well here. :) (unless you don't do well here...)

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Or even add that--> {{help}} to any page you need help on along with a message and someone will come to the rescue! Again, welcome!   --Tophat headless 01:35, October 18, 2011 (UTC)

edit Joinage

Hey nice UnNews article you made anonymously, glad to see you joined and hope you stick around! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 09:24, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

edit Oh Noes

I accidentialy deleted my unnews article i was working! now i have to start all over again ( Kills Himself)

edit Good news!

I have created my first Non-UnNews Article, the 1988 Brazillian Grand Prix. i am hoping to enter it in the aristocrat's turkey day ball. (assuming its eligible, of course).

edit Bad news:(

I have failed to enter the aristocrats turkey day ball becuz i did not writ my entry in my userspace. i apologize.

edit Hey Guys...

Is it alright if i revive the article on nascar witha few minor changes? Thanx.

edit New Article

Hey guys i'll be doing a new article Called Tosca, our take on the british touring car championship (Better known as ToCA, as popularized by the video games), much like how Cindycar is a take on indycar.

Alright mate, you don't need to update us with what you're doing, if you want to do so that is fine, but if you write an article you aren't obligated to inform people. If you're wanting feedback or assistance then I suggest approaching someone from pee review or an active administrator on their talk page and they will help you out. Talk pages are for other users to get in touch with you to tell you how splendid your recent articles are or how much we would like to touch you up. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 07:39, April 11, 2012 (UTC)
Another thing talk pages (such as Talk:Venezuela) are not for is directing traffic to a YouTube video. Spıke ¬ 12:11 30-May-12

edit Um, Guys?

What does keep your shit together mean? im a supernoob at words, heres what i mean:

Or maybe you flunked out of 5th grade because your uncle kept molesting you and you couldn't keep your shit together long enough to learn long division.

From Medical school

--UnMathew (talk) 06:37, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

edit Mystery Science Theater 3000

With apologies, I have undone your edit to this article. We recommend at UNQUOTE that you go easy on the initial quotations, as there is a big temptation to have the first word on a page even if it makes the reader less likely to continue reading. One of your initial quotations is so obscure that you had to add an explanation of who the speaker is, and in the other one, you had to add a note as to an assumption you were making. This is all a giant distraction, even before the Intro can try to attract the reader to jump into the article. Sorry about that! Spıke ¬ 14:21 23-Sep-14

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