User talk:UPjcm

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Welcome!

Hello, UPjcm, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:UPjcm/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome! --Sycamore (Talk) 20:14, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

Here ya go

Urinating fountain

I just peed on something you wrote. I apologize profusely for that.

I'll attempt to control my bladder in the future. No promises though


Your adopted!

By me! At your request! Congratulations. It's been a while since I've adopted someone, and we all know how awfully that last one turned out, so bear with me if I'm rusty with this whole "process" or whatever.

First things first, I see you already know how to write pretty well, since you have a feature and all. And it looks nice and pretty, so I take it you also know how to format well. Plus, you sign your posts. You're already off to a magnificent start. Where do you go from here? Read more articles! Here's a quick list of what I like to call (starting right now) the "Uncyclopedia Curriculum." They're all excellent articles that exemplify a specific style of writing popular around these parts, all done by Uncyclopedia-accomplished authors whose other works also beg to be read. So here they are:

Reading is the first step to writing. Whenever I read a good article, it often gives me ideas for a new one, stylistically and conceptually. The second step to writing is writing. I have some very brief tips on writing here and here. Write a lot, on and off the site, but mostly on the site (it really needs it). Write with variety; try to never write the same article twice, but there's also no shame in using the same tricks every once in a while, especially if they've worked very well in the past. Write to your strengths, and practice a bunch to discover said strengths, if you're unsure. I tend to write a lot about music and comedy because, well, I'm a music minor who loves comedy.

The cardinal rule of Uncyclopedia: Rules < Funny. Fuck the Haters. There are no rules in comedy. Edit outside the box. Use the medium in nice and strange ways (I like what you did with the Troll post-script, by the way; good example of this).

The cardinal rule of General Comedy Writing: Don't ever, ever overwrite. Timing and pace are even more important than jokes. Keep things snappy and gripping, or things quickly get florid and boring.

If you can't think of a new article to create, adopt an existing one. We desperately need better articles on major topics, so it's good to focus on improving stuff like Michael Jackson before creating unsearchable stuff like There'll Always Be An England? If you think of something funny, by all means write it, but also keep in mind that Uncyclopedia needs a boost in the popularity department when picking titles.

Lastly, if you're on Uncyclopedia and can't think of anything at all to write, I suppose you can turn off your computer and go do something else. If that sounds too difficult, then vote on everything! Voting encourages reading encourages writing encourages people staying on Uncyclopedia. Try to regularly check/vote on VFD, both to delete the shit that nobody wants, and to spot out needy articles that you can improve with a few keystrokes.

Even more important than voting, however, is Pee Review. Try doing a few of these; criticizing the work of others often helps you realize what could be improved in your own articles. Plus, we really need Pee Reviewers nowadays.

Patrol recent changes if you want to. Enough people do that, though, so try to concentrate your on-wiki energies elsewhere.

Talk to people. Make friends. We're all friendly here. Except Olipro.

Like I said before, you've already got a head start on all this stuff, so most of this advice is just stuff to keep in mind while you keep honing your writing skills. I have arbitrarily decided that you will "graduate" this adoption when you gain entry to our prestigious Hall of Shame. Always come to me if you got any questions on anything, and I'll try to have an answer. Godspeed. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 23:52, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Recent UnNews

I gave permission to a couple of people to put their UnNews on the template, but one of the UnNews you put on there doesn't really deserve to be on the front page, so that would really be cool if you could let me handle it. I'm the guy poor bastard who is in charge of that. Don't worry, I read all the UnNews and I log in almost daily, and I am very relax on the 'rules' as I let some users put their own UnNews on the frontpage themselves. And I put a great majority of them on the frontpage anyway. If I let everybody put anybody's UnNews there it's gonna turn in a free-for-all. I hope you understand. If you have questions or anything, don't hesitate! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:59, December 6, 2011 (UTC)

I didn't even remember it was you who wrote UnNews:Crippled Boy Arrested For Sitting During the Pledge of Allegiance. I have nommed you for the Foolitzer Prize for that some days ago, as you can see on your userpage! But please let me handle the template bro! :) Snowflake mini Mattsnow 01:14, December 6, 2011 (UTC)
As I said on IRC, sorry about that. I wasn't sure who, if anyone, was in charge of the template, and I only skimmed through that second article before adding it. Glad you liked mine, though. ~jcm 01:33, December 6, 2011 (UTC)
And I see you were an EDiot once. It was a great site, and I'm sorry to see it die. ~jcm 01:36, December 6, 2011 (UTC)
Eh, don't worry about it! :) And I find Uncy much better than ED! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 03:35, December 6, 2011 (UTC)
Err... I said some users bro, I don't "know" you enough yet. Please let me do it, I log in daily anyway. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 02:10, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
Oh, sorry again. I must have misread. ~jcm 19:48, December 10, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 22 December 2011

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:51, 22 December 2011

Yeah leave me the link on my talkpage

I'll read it as long as you pay the coffee. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 01:01, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

Oh right, yeah, of course! ~jcm 17:28, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 29 December 2011

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:55, 29 December 2011

UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012

UnSignpost - 12 January 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:03, 12 January 2012

UnBooks:My Tedious Day

A user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. By now, the article was featured.

Thank you for voting for UnBooks:My Tedious Day on VFH! --Pwn head Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:11, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 19 January 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:09, 19 January 2012

UnSignpost - 26 January 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:29, 26 January 2012

UnSignpost - 3 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:12, 3 February 2012

UnSignpost - 10 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:25, 10 February 2012

UnSignpost - 18 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:56, 18 February 2012

UnSignpost - 23 February 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:48, 23 February 2012

UnSignpost - 1 March 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:26, 1 March 2012

UnSignpost - 8 March 2012

~ Pointy I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 8 March 2012

The Pea Buddy Awards

WOW! A brand new UnNews competition and we need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:40, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

UnNews

Hi. Thanks for your comment on the Supreme Court UnNews, I answered it there too. No, the pics seem totally appropriate for the article, I had no qualms putting them there. I've only used a naked pic once before, and that was also in context and is the pic that inspired the entire article (the guy ashamed and being comforted). Thanks for your edits too, I changed one back, as that seems to fit too even though it's not correct grammar. Anyway, I will now take my clothes off and go down to the green grocer. Thanks again. Aleister 20:43 April Foolishness '12

p.s. Hi, I commented on the feature nom page again. Al 20:56

Yo!

Are you participating for the Newt Gingrich article? I'm not 100% sure looking at the forum. He'd be one hell of a lolcow (aren't they all) :D Snowflake mini Mattsnow 21:18, April 1, 2012 (UTC)

Hey great to see you're writing the Gingrich article! It looks like it's coming along nicely. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 08:58, April 6, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5 April 2012

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 20:48, Apr 5

About the UnSignpost

You said you wanted to do this week's unsignpost. Are you going to do it, because if not, I'll let Joe do it instead. --Pwn head Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:44, April 9, 2012 (UTC)

I've added you to the chart. --Pwn head Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:42, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
If you do, half of it is done at Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/20120412. The logs and WotD need to be done, and possibly a second article, and an UnTune. It's a slightly different structure to how it was put together previously, but the way to edit it should be fairly clear.                               Puppy's talk page01:49 11 Apr

UnSignpost - Free Pixels Inside!

--Pwn head Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:57, April 12, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th April 2012

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 14:55, Apr 19

UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 00:52, Apr 26

Recent changes

Young man...what do you think about the recent changes to the Newt article? --ShabiDOO 19:40, April 28, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost May 25th, 2012

--Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 00:15 May 25 2012

Your Poo Lit Surprise article

The topic is very promising! I'm glad to see you're back after trying your luck at bull riding. I hope all the casts are not too heavy! I think a great source of inspiration for your article could be the current drama going on on this forum. It will also update you with what's happening. Cheers! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:51, June 12, 2012 (UTC)

Bring out your dead! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeWii 10:08, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

Assume the position! it's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeWii 00:49, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeWii 08:21, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

We've got a boner for news! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeWii 16:58, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

Get Your UnSignPost! Now More Respected Than The Town Crier!

--OliOmniOmbudsman Dumbo 15:30, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

No need for eye protection, it's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeWii 07:13, August 10, 2012 (UTC)

ChiefjusticeDS enjoys buttsex: The UnSignpost!

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 08:33, August 23, 2012 (UTC)

Set phasers to frag! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeWii 10:58, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

Debate

Hey Mr. UPjcm. I thought your debate article was really really well done. I am mystified why the admins didn't feature it before the election, after all the work that went into it and the general approval of most users. In any case, it was great satyre!!!

--ShabiDOO 22:38, November 6, 2012 (UTC)

Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!

 ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Nov 20 '12 9:14 (UTC)

The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!

 ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usThu, Nov 29 '12 5:35 (UTC)

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 13:09 (UTC)

Did you die?

If you did, then fuck you, because, as an old-school (kinda) Uncyclopedian, you should be freakin' ashamed of yerself, dying when the site needs you. Seriously. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usMon, Dec 10 '12 5:14 (UTC)

People still care about me? Holy crap. ~jcm 00:50, January 1, 2013 (UTC)
Care about you? ...dude, we need a whipping boy, and your buttocks are firm and calloused. From what I can see of them, I mean. I can't really see them, so I'm ...I'm assuming. Yes. Pun. I am funny. Laugh, bitch. LAUGH. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Jan 1 '13 11:21 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Wed, Dec 12 '12 14:09 (UTC)

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:41 (UTC)

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