User talk:Tompkins/archive9

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Wow, I was just about to change my sig around when BAM it had changed while I was doing other things. Thank you ever so much. --Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 00:25, 17 January 2007 (UTC)

Global Warming

Why did you lock the global warming page, all i did was revert the vandalism back to the January 10th version and you blocked my ip? why?

My mistake, bene having some trouble with that article, I confused you with one of the vandals (similar IPs) You're unblocked now. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 02:42, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

no problem man, i actually have an account anyways, i just didn't log in. I wish ppl would stop vandalizing it.

Yeah, it's getting old, that's why I semi-protected it, hopefully that will help. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 04:01, 15 January 2007 (UTC)

Peter Ebdon

Alright Pal , just looking for some feedback on why Peter Ebdon was deleted because I think you were the admin who deleted it. Was it because of slander? or some other reason? Cheers Pal. Boa01djh 00:51, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

Cheers Pal, for the clarity on this issue.


Thanks for giving me another example of why forest fire week is a bad idea. ~Sir Rangeley Icons-flag-us GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 03:34, 21 November 2006 (UTC)

Deleting articles less than 5 minutes into their existence when the author is still working on them is not our job, and if you were truly sorry you would never do this again. There are tags for articles that you don't find funny, and if you are so impatient as to interrupt authors so early during the writing process then they exist for this purpose. But deleting them is a total misuse of power, and you are lucky that I had the ability to undo the damage and continue writing. Others who do not have this power might have simply left. Maybe you find it cute, but I don't. ~Sir Rangeley Icons-flag-us GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 03:54, 21 November 2006 (UTC)
One cannot apologize for a "mistake" and then go on to say they would do it again regardless of Forest Fire Week. But you have made a compelling argument - the next time I see a 3 minute old article with only a paragraph such as mine had, I too will delete each and every one because if an article goes 3 minutes without an edit it is surely abandoned. I would like to believe that you made an honest mistake, but this requires that you actually did something you didn't intend to. If its true, you simply wont be doing this to any of mine, or any of anyone else's articles ever again. ~Sir Rangeley Icons-flag-us GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 04:08, 21 November 2006 (UTC)

My favourite DYK submissions

Did you know...

  • ...that I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself?
  • ...that the kingfisher, despite its name, also preys upon queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and other high-ranking members of the nobility?
  • ...that it's beddy-bye time? Only replace "beddy" with ethnic and "bye" with cleansing.
  • ...that the Hokey-Pokey really is what it's all about?
  • ...that an astremely astonishing asperiment has show that acessive asposure to Strong Bad Zone has an astraordinarily affect on grammar?
  • ...that many of the leading experts agree that, many of the them are in agreement, over the agreement issue, for the reasons of agreement.
  • ...that four lefts actually make a square?
  • ...that if tea and coffee are mixed together, the resulting substance closely resembles toffee?
  • ...that verb is a noun?
  • ...that this is a recursive interrogative sentence?
  • ...that sentence fragments?
  • ...that *** You have died ***?
  • ...that you were always dead on the inside?
  • ...why Santa Claus, despite being an obese, unshaven old man, is so cheerful?
  • (It's because he knows where all the naughty girls live.)
  • ...that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
  • ...that you are walking down a dank and musky blood vessel? Suddenly, out of nowhere, 3 hemo-goblins attack you!
  • ...that cookies are a "sometimes" food?
  • ...that if you put a polythene bag around your head, you can stay underwater indefinitely?
  • ...that it was I who let the dogs out?
  • ...that "Nemo" in Latin is no one, so "Finding Nemo" is essentially finding no one?
  • ...your birth certificate is also a complaint to the condom factory?
  • ...That the Matrix had you, and then lost you in a sequel?
  • ...that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
  • ...that, unlike regular males, male vampires are actually delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ...that it's not the cough that carries you off but the coffin they carry you off in?
  • ...that contrary to popular belief, it actually isn't all in the wrist?
  • ...that the telephone was invented by Alexander Graham Bell? (Yep, no joke here.)
  • ...that in August 10, 1519 Ferdinand Magellan set out to circumsize the globe with a 100 foot clipper?
  • ...that is a great website for finding a good therapist in your region?
  • ...that a comatose homosexual is both a fruit and a vegetable?
  • ...that when you clap, you're really giving yourself a High Five?
  • ...that starting up your computer in MS-DOS mode and entering 'del *.*' makes your computer run infinitely faster?
  • ...that I can't write?
  • ...that you can't read?
  • ...that I edit Uncyclopedia when I'm bored, but I edit Wikipedia when I'm angry?
  • ...that full penetration of the subject of sexual innuendo requires a long, hard look at the target and a strong grasp of linguistic intercourse?
  • ...that this is the funniest page on all of Wikipedia?
  • ...that if you uncoiled the intestines of 200 people and tied them together, they would extend from the Earth to the moon?
  • ...and that William Herschel made use of this fact to engineer the first moon landing of 1910?
  • ...that I left my keys on your mom's nightstand?
  • ...that

horizontal lines

should be used sparingly?

  • ...that yo' momma so fat she got more curves than spacetime in the presence of a large mass?
  • ...and that yo' momma so dumb that when they did the wave at a baseball stadium, she drowned?
  • ... that "this statement is true" is not true, and neither is this one?

--L 04:12, 23 November 2006 (UTC)

This list is mega long, I need like 10 tops. Narrow it down and I'll do my best to consider it. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 23:09, 25 November 2006 (UTC)
Awright, whatever. --L 11:23, 4 December 2006 (UTC)

Top 10 DYK submissions

  • ...that you were always dead on the inside?
  • ...that I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself?
  • ...that when you clap, you're really giving yourself a High Five?
  • ...that if you put a polythene bag around your head, you can stay underwater indefinitely?
  • ...that it's not the cough that carries you off but the coffin they carry you off in?
  • ...that in August 10, 1519 Ferdinand Magellan set out to circumsize the globe with a 100 foot clipper?
  • ...that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?
  • ...that the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?
  • ...that an astremely astonishing asperiment has show that acessive asposure to Strong Bad Zone has an astraordinarily affect on grammar?
  • ...that yo' momma so fat she got more curves than spacetime in the presence of a large mass?
  • ...and that yo' momma so dumb that when they did the wave at a baseball stadium, she drowned?

Alright, I added all except a couple, because... well, just because. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 21:52, 4 December 2006 (UTC)

How to deal with the Powershot dumbass

It is quite obvious to all of us that the Powershot dude is not only persistent, but ignorant as well. His articles are not coming back, but he still has this mindset that they will somehow "own" us and kill us all when they take over the world. He is completely clueless; he couldn't even take over a cardboard box.

Anyway, enough sidetracking. The reason I have come to you is to present you with this method so that we don't have to deal with this douche again. I have studied his behaviors for some time, and have discovered that he tends to post his musing on any thread that deals with BENSON, more specifically, I have compiled a list of the forums he trolls:

Here's my idea: we protect those pages so that only registered users may edit them. The Powershot dude will then get pissed and will most likely create a new thread saying how much of faggots we are. That's where the admins come in and delete his threads and ban his ass everytime he should do that. I don't know if this idea might work, but it's at least worth a try. I also suggest that you pass this idea along to the other admins, so that way they will have a method of dealing with idiots like the Powershot dude. --General Insineratehymn 06:24, 23 November 2006 (UTC)

Sounds good to me, I'll semi-protect them and hopefully that'll keep everybody happy. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 23:03, 25 November 2006 (UTC)


For demonstration of conduct most becoming an Uncyclopedian ~ virtue, mercy, courage, valour, fairness, protection of the weak and the poor, or some reasonable fascimile thereof, you are hereby instated to the Order of Lyons, with all the rights and privileges pertaining thereto, should any ever exist.

Despite any recent heat you've taken, it doesn't change my feeling that you're a great sysop / human being (if that doesn't sound too inherently contradictory), and have been a friend when I needed it. ~ Sir Todd GUN WotM MI UotM NotM MDA VFH AotM Bur. AlBur. CM NS PC (talk) 19:43, 27 November 2006 (UTC)


Tompkins, my n00b-brother, I salute you for your diligent hard work and appreciate your kudos. It's always nice to get recognition from the important folks hanging around here.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 20:18, 2 December 2006 (UTC)

Welcome, you are. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 01:10, 3 December 2006 (UTC)


Rc's gonna kill you for that, man. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 04:13, 3 December 2006 (UTC)

Thank you for banning Powershot

I was waiting for the moron to get the full force of the banhammer. I'm surprised that the imbecile chose to return. You have my gratitude. --General Insineratehymn 06:06, 3 December 2006 (UTC)

Yeah, I really wish he'd just bugger off, we have larger problems to take care of these days. Anyway, thanks for taking all that smack in stride, others might have gone ape-shit. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 06:10, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
I know how to deal with idiots like him. I was trained in the field of logical arguments by Plato himself! (Not really.) --General Insineratehymn 06:13, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
You wouldn't still be here if you didn't, it's an imperative skill when it comes to being an Uncyclopedia. (Didn't think so.) Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 06:17, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
Also, as a counter-measure to his antics, I am going to go grab the usernames of Shark Bite, Redline, MUD-3000, and variations thereof, as sock accounts. The only thing he'll be left to do is just sit at his computer and cry. Ha ha! --General Insineratehymn 18:17, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
Wait, take that back. Never mind. --General Insineratehymn 18:20, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
I wouldn't be opposed to that... but whatever. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 18:21, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
Actually, it appears that I cannot create another account, considering I already have this account. Oh well. Guess the Powershot dude will realize the truth the hard way: by banning him repeatedly. --General Insineratehymn 18:42, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
Amen to that. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 18:43, 3 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote!

Without your vote, surely someone worthy of the award would have actually won. -- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 01:13, 6 December 2006 (UTC)

That's why I do it. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 01:16, 6 December 2006 (UTC)

Please help

Hi, I saw that you reverted edits on Chilliwack. It has happened again. Could you do the reverting again? Thanks. -Zachdax

No problem. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 21:58, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

Since you're generally active... and I love you

Mind un-blanking (practically) an article of mine eh? tibia ♥ Danke, in advanced. -- Lacey clicky 20:56, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

Un-blank'd. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 21:58, 7 December 2006 (UTC)
Thanks ♥ x100 -- Lacey clicky 23:48, 7 December 2006 (UTC)


What do you think of {{subst}}'ing in the username of anyone using a {{USERNAME}} tag? Is it possible? - Nonymous 04:15, 12 December 2006 (UTC)


Santa cross money Premier Tom Mayfair does not share in your pagan ways.
Nor does he celebrate capitalist retail. He hopes that you
convert to Communism before it's too late. Do the right thing.
Пролетарии всех стран, соединяйтесь!
Hammer and sickle xmas|

SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 21:59, 14 December 2006 (UTC)

Tvcc Bradaphraser was throwing away last year's Christmas cards, and
realised they had purposefully forgotten about you.
This user is completely thoughtless, doesn't care about Multi-culturalism,
and therefore DEMANDS you have yourself a Merry little Christmas... NOW!

Failure to comply with result in disciplinary action up to and including excommunication from the Capitalist Church

May you focus on your successes and forget your failures here at the end of the year. Never forget how we all improve one another's lives. Season's Greetings.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 17:35, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

Happy Christmas to you as well. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 01:01, 18 December 2006 (UTC)
Xmasmoosewreath Nothing says [[Insert religious or pagan holiday of your choice]] like getting drunk with a moose. So this year, why not savour a treasured Canadian tradition with a bottle of hooch, horns, hooves, and hypothermia? The drinks are on me. ~ Todd Crown Royal

Erm... maybe a Shirley Temple? --Sir Todd GUN WotM MI UotM NotM MDA VFH AotM Bur. AlBur. CM NS PC (talk) 15:52, 18 December 2006 (UTC)

It's Christmas, everything's legal. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 21:33, 18 December 2006 (UTC)
Humbug Codeine proffers you a Humbug
as he cares not for your Judeo-Christian festivals of Pagan origin
(but wishes you a very merry time of it anyway)

Season's greetings, Mr. Cratchit. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 21:35, 18 December 2006 (UTC)

NavyXmas ḤáρÞў ĤðḸǐḍαȳζ from §ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ!

You, <insert name here>, have been randomly selected from Squiggle's holiday list of people to send cards to for an extra special Holiday Card! He's too lazy to send them all.
Anyway, enjoy this blatant overuse of {{USERNAME}} and template spammage!

-- §. | WotM | PLS | T | C | A 00:17, 19 December 2006 (UTC)
Karatechimp zim_ulator wishes you a Merry Kaizum Me!
the first holiday officially sanctioned by the church of zimizm (cOz)!
Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:43, 19 December 2006 (UTC)
300px Citizen! The Death Metal Bread comes to you!!
He brings you Christmas tiding, so you'll be happy again!
--General Insineratehymn 02:50, 20 December 2006 (UTC)
Roast potato Braydie was throwing away last year's Christmas cards, and
realised they had purposefully forgotten about you.
This user doesn't care about Multi-culturalism,
and DEMANDS you have a Merry Christmas... NOW!

Heh. --—Braydie 20:15, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

Personal Issues

Do you want to talk about them here to get them out of the way? I dont see why you need to be hostile to me in the village dump, especially after all the drama earlier this month. I didnt take part in any of that, I dont know if you did but you surely know about it. Are you still pissed about when I told you not to delete my articles 3 minutes into them? ~Sir Rangeley Icons-flag-us GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 00:11, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

Its not so much that as it is the later responses, but if no offense is meant than that settles that. ~Sir Rangeley Icons-flag-us GUN WotM UotM EGA +S (talk) 04:21, 17 December 2006 (UTC)

PLS !!!

Your judge packet, sir.  :)--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 22:03, 17 December 2006 (UTC)


I appreciate the terrapin greetings and the wish that my wishes come true. Now, since two of the three that our friendly neighborhood blue gin (genie to you unwashed multitudes) has offered are spent, I'll think hard on the next one... Dawg.gif » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 05:17, 19 December 2006 (UTC)

Thanks and CHRISTMAS!!!!

Thanks for your card, I shall treasure it all week always. In return, I give you the pinnacle of Internetial Achievement, the crown of the Interweb, what the Internet was invented for.... a tacky animated gif. Cutesy

Best wishes -- sannse@fandom (talk) 12:29, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

Merry Christmas

Unbookslogo Santa Claus has given you an UnBooks voucher for Christmas.
This voucher can be exchanged at any UnBooks store for an UnBook.
If you wish to complain about your Christmas present, do it here.
Merry Christmas!

From Santa Claus.

If you are another child that thinks they need a present, leave a message here (Santa never forgets, but he is getting on a bit.) Ho Ho Ho from Santa Claus 15:17, 23 December 2006 (UTC)


...the ¿? Is your username a question? --Icons-flag-us SonicChao Babbel!Contribs 18:06, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

You Voted Good

Congratulations. You've made a wise choice. One can only hope there is an afterlife in which you will be duly rewarded. --Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 20:31, 23 December 2006 (UTC)

Quidquid Latine dictum sit altum viditur


Ad perpetuam memoriam de Sol Invictus

Composure1, writer of UnNews and humble servant of Uncyclopedia, sends personal greetings to you [insert username here], on this festival for our glorious god Sol Invictus. While many heathen have long abandoned our undefeated sun god, especially since Emperor Theodosius I banned the holiday in the year 390, I know that you are a true believer like me. So I hope you are celebrating with all the necessary debauchery and sacrifices, and I wish you the very best. Orta recens quam pura nites Sol Invictus! --Composure1 20:03, 24 December 2006 (UTC)

UnNews reskin

Just to let you know, we had it set up so the articles would automatically update on the page. It looks better now, but it will require some more maintenance as it is now. FYI.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 01:38, 25 December 2006 (UTC)

You deserve to be... awarded

You have saved a great page. Here is the proof. Here are some left over mince pies -

Mince piesb Braydie has awarded you some mince pies!
For saving that fucking fuck fuck fucking fuck article.

Braydie 22:52, 28 December 2006 (UTC)


Thanks for your vote. Rather than giving you a template of thanks, in honour of the occassion I wrote UnUnNews: Lindsay Lohan says "Gonch is for chumps" (snappy title, eh?). Don't worry, it makes more sense after you read it. Or less, I haven't decided yet.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:29, 1 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for the Nod

I appreciate your vote for UotY, and your words of comfort, especially in light of the royal asskicking I'm getting at the highly polished boots of Mr. Mhaille.  :) This will probably be the award I'll enjoy losing the most, because he's my friend (and I think of you as one, too), and I'll always have the encouraging words that you've written me (short, but sweet!). It's really good to see you back and around the site. I wish I had the time to hang out here more often, but school has to come first, unfortunately.  :P I'll continue to play hooky whenever possible. --Sir Todd GUN WotM MI UotM NotM MDA VFH AotM Bur. AlBur. CM NS PC (talk) 00:50, 2 January 2007 (UTC) P.S. Ban someone for me. :)

'Twas my pleasure :) Hey, at the very least, you'll beat Rc... at least, I think you will. I'm not sure how many votes o/=< is. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 22:15, 3 January 2007 (UTC)

My Catapult!

Thanks for restoring my Catapult article, I know its bad, but essentially I was rushing to make it better than it was, since it was (and is, as you can see) kind of cruddy.

However, I shall improve on it. Thank you again Tompkins!--Witt, Union leader of Union member UNion Entertain me* 22:07, 3 January 2007 (UTC)

No problem, I can't remember how I found it, but I think I saw a link to it on your userpage. I decided to give it a look, and low and behold it's better than a lot of the articles on the site right now, so i figure it deserved another chance. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 22:09, 3 January 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for huffing my useless article

No sarcasm intended, really. (Article in question was truthfully titled This article sucks.) Just so you don't think it was intended as nothing but an act of vadalism (or whatever that would be called here), I'd like to point out that it did have one small purpose, which was a response/fill in visa vis Apostraphe, which at the time (though I think it's gone now) had a similar link-thing to "This article sucks." Does that make any sense? If not, no biggie, but I humbly ask that you ignore, during your next sweep for cruft, my most recent article Torchic. Please? It can be exanded in the future... --Lenoxus 04:23, 8 January 2007 (UTC)

Arsemas Card

Sally Boothman was throwing away last year's Arsemas cards, and
realised that only faggots celebrate Arsemas.
This user thinks you are mediocrity personified,
and URGES you to have a Furry Arsemas...TO-DAY!!!!

Dude, why don't you stop sucking on Al Gore's cock.


What the fuck was I blocked for!?--Metropolis 18:30, 17 January 2007 (UTC)

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