User talk:Tom mayfair

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Go bother some other Admin.

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Thank

s for your vote on Above Top Secret. And good to meet you (again? If I did it was long ago in a land far away). You are one of the nice legends around here, and as a legend you are required to act legendary and do acts of bravery and honor, saving damsels and smoting dragons and all that. Thanks again! Aleister 14:16 14-4-'12

No problem. A legend, eh? SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 14:23, April 14, 2012 (UTC)


I never liked you.

And also, you're ugly. Around here, that's saying something. Now, I'm not saying that the people around here are ugly. That would be wrong. What I'm saying is that they are also fat.
In short, what I am trying to say is that I'm a little bitter that the Easter bunnies you gave out weren't the solid kind. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that hollow Easter bunnies, with the candy eye that looks like candy but tastes like cardboard, show that you're a cheap bastard. That would be wrong. What I'm saying is that you're simply a bastard.
And also, you're cheap. And I didn't get one. Even though I delivered your baby. Well, I'm not saying that I delivered you your baby. That would be wrong. What I'm saying is that I delivered you a baby. And I don't know what it was full of, but it certainly wasn't chocolate. Apparently with babies, this is a perfectly normal characteristic. Which, no matter how much the baby giggled when it did it, is pretty gross.
Being a baby must be terrible. All I know is, when I was a baby the only thing that could distract me from the long, empty days of my being a baby was saying to myself, "It could be worse. I could be Tom mayfair." The other babies at the baby ranch agreed. And for Easter we got chocolate Easter bunnies. Solid chocolate Easter bunnies. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 06:49, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

I love you. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 07:42, April 20, 2012 (UTC)
I love you too. Now, let us dance! /me trips the light fantastic Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 17:02, April 20, 2012 (UTC)

About those things I said earlier...

I realized that the hollow Easter bunny wasn't full of air. It was filled with love. Like air, love is ephemeral, and the harder you try to hold on to it the faster it dissipates. Like love, air eventually turns sour, and takes half your stuff, the house and $1400 a month until the kids turn 18 (Damn you, Brenda!). Like air, love won't reduce the alimony even though you got laid off from your job in the dildo mines (I hate you so much, Brenda!). And love, like air, leaves you breathless and empty when it's gone, making you miss it all the more (I'm in counseling now! Just like you wanted, honey! Come back, Brenda!).
I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me for my wild, chocolate-fueled rant? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:31, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

Wow, & I thought I had it bad. I don't have to pay alimony but I do pay $650/month in child support. I get to have 'em Wednesday to Friday mornin's every week. Can't wait for the school year to be over. It fucks with my time with 'em. SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 15:24, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
Sorry to hear that. Have you considered not liking your family?
I should also point out that my children are quite large. And round. Both roly and poly. Imaginary child support goes by the pound. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 16:00, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
Nah, I love my sons. Don't fret. I got a new family goin' on. Knock up this wife so I can repeat what happened with the last marriage. It's the circle of life. SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 16:10, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
You, sir, are a credit to your trailer park. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:43, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

Greetings Komrade

This assembly of the proletariat should be of interest to a Party member such as yourself. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Apr 24 '12 19:19 (UTC)

UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png MrNCyber.JPG 00:52, Apr 26

Mr. Mayfair

Could you please lock the forum Forum:Admin of the moment pretty please? Thanks. --ShabiDOO 13:53, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry, was doin' dishes. YAY Chief. SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 14:30, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Did you remember to wear rubber gloves? --ShabiDOO 14:44, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Nope. SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 15:02, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Then your hands must be hot with the texture of a shriveled apple. --ShabiDOO 15:04, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Aye, my calluses are peelin'. SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 15:06, May 1, 2012 (UTC)
Dishes are for the proles. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Today the wife will be doin' 'em. SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 14:26, May 10, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost May 25th, 2012

--Hotadmin4u69 [TALK] 00:15 May 25 2012

Bring out your dead! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:08, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

Assume the position! it's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 00:49, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:20, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

We've got a boner for news! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:58, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

Get Your UnSignPost! Now More Respected Than The Town Crier!

--OliOmniOmbudsman Dumbo 15:28, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

No need for eye protection, it's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:13, August 10, 2012 (UTC)

ChiefjusticeDS enjoys buttsex: The UnSignpost!

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 08:32, August 23, 2012 (UTC)

Set phasers to frag! It's the UnSignpost!

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:57, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

you

I saw you do something! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Icons-flag-au 02:47, October 21, 2012 (UTC)

  • LIES! LIES I TELL YOU. SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 11:20, October 21, 2012 (UTC)

Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!

 ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Nov 20 '12 9:14 (UTC)

The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!

 ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usThu, Nov 29 '12 5:34 (UTC)

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 13:08 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Wed, Dec 12 '12 14:10 (UTC)

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:39 (UTC)

Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:29 (UTC)
Sir ScottPat Icons-flag-gb Scotland Flag 1 UnS CUN VFH (talk) 15:37, April 9, 2013 (UTC)

Hey there!

Noticed you visiting recently so wandered whether you wished to renew your UnSignpost subscription? Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:10, September 30, 2013 (UTC)

Damn, this is what I was tryin' to avoid. Well then, I think I'll be a little lost without the tickle in my pants but I don't need to renew my subscription. We had some really good times though. A lot of awkward moments at work but the stains came right out! SpacerSpacerPremierTomMayfairChe RedPhone Unsoc Hammer and sickle 18:13, September 30, 2013 (UTC)

Congratulations!

That's cool! No more Uncyclopedia then, for a while? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 15:28, March 30, 2014 (UTC)

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