User talk:Thekillerfroggy
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edit Welcome!
Hello, Thekillerfroggy, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:
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At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Thekillerfroggy/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.
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edit Hi noob
RESPECT YOUR SUPERIORS. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:30, January 7, 2012 (UTC)
- k --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 00:39, January 7, 2012 (UTC)
edit Flashy thing graveyard
In a fit of sanity I have relocated the flashy thing on bipolar girl to the talk page, where it will live out its days flashing. Too many people questioned it and many probably went to the page and immediately left (bye bye), and on the kernel of wisdom that "if you have to explain a joke...". VFH is a cruel mistress, but one who never puts a contract out on you, so bring her candy periodically. Thanks again. Aleister 11:56 Russian Christmas '12
- Hi, and thanks for the vote on Bipolar Girl. Just saw your forum, an interesting idea. A couple mistakes though which seem relevant. The last minute vote last year was for Sog, not me (I was two ahead at the time). And Skinfan voted for me on Jan. 14th, and had been very active in 2010. From your rendition of the events new users may get the idea that there was something afoot, when actually the afoot was in trying to tie the scores with my approval and participation. One idea I would suggest is not to allow IP's voting in oty awards. That seems much more fishy than that bastard Skinfan voting on the 14th, just in time to swing the vote! Clocksucking Skinfan. Anyway, I wanted to run this by you here and not on the forum. I don't know how I feel about a runoff, but do think that the nomming process on oty awards should not be a place for shout-outs. Although getting past the shout-outs should be up to each individual user. Well, I must go find a bipolar woman, and see what there is to see. Thanks again. Aleister 11:40 8-1-'12
- My bad about Skinfan, I actually meant Sonic80. You know how it is with people whose names start with the letter S, I trust you've been engaged in a compromising tryst with a girl named Sandy before. Anyway, those are good ideas too, about the IPs. I'll bring that up too. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 16:48, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
- IP's, especially "one vote" IP's who come in to vote one time and then are never heard from again, have affected voting on individual awards and on features. But, yeah, the end-of-year awards should be kept out of their IP little-grasps. One more thing if you would, the "minutes later" was something like four hours later. Sonic gave me a two vote lead and I thought many more votes would come in. Then Flamingo voted for Sog with a few minutes left and we almost tied, which is what I was hoping for at the time. But anyone could have looked in, saw that their voting preference wasn't going to win, and move their vote. As it is written now in your forum it looks like Sonic came in last minute and swung it to me, when it was actually hours and anything could have happened in the meantime. Would you nudge that to "hours" instead of "minutes". It's a game of inches sometimes, but in this case it was quite awhile before voting ended. Thanks, and maybe we can do a vote on getting IP's barred from voting this year (a little late but there are 22 days left). N ow, to watch Tebow get his head handed to him. Aleister 21:39 8-1-'12
- Well, Tebow won, but next week God will smite him in Boston. And more stuff about your memo to the site about my tarnished, tattered, thrashed, bribed, bamboozled and bogus win last year. You wrote, no, no, don't leave the witness stand Mr. Froggy--I repeat, you wrote: "However, the certainty of his victory wasn't guaranteed until a user called Sonic80 returned from a months-long period of dormancy to cast his vote of approval in Aleister's favor." Ah ha! The user called Sonic was very active throughout the entire month of January and happened to vote on the last day. He, the user called Sonic, was active most of 2010 as well, had a few months of lesser edits, but still edited. Then, as mentioned, he was very active in January of '11. Words are like daggers, some longer daggers, some only two letters, but your daggers have torn deep into my heart and killed both the black warden and the bald headed nazi who live within me (yes, I finished Oz tonight), and I live now only to watch Miss Sally. Aleister 4:54 9-1-'12
- Ya really are a big ol' stick in the mud, y'know that Ally? My whole sob story is gone! Kaputt! Out the window! The whole sense of urgency is gone, and right during sweeps season too! Now how are we gonna get the viewers to flock to their sets? Sex? Violence? Come on! --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 06:08, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Also boooooooooo tim tebow boooooooooooooo --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 06:08, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Holey FUCKING shit, it is official. Everyone on EARTH is talking about Tim Fucking Tebow. Wow.
- Well, Tebow won, but next week God will smite him in Boston. And more stuff about your memo to the site about my tarnished, tattered, thrashed, bribed, bamboozled and bogus win last year. You wrote, no, no, don't leave the witness stand Mr. Froggy--I repeat, you wrote: "However, the certainty of his victory wasn't guaranteed until a user called Sonic80 returned from a months-long period of dormancy to cast his vote of approval in Aleister's favor." Ah ha! The user called Sonic was very active throughout the entire month of January and happened to vote on the last day. He, the user called Sonic, was active most of 2010 as well, had a few months of lesser edits, but still edited. Then, as mentioned, he was very active in January of '11. Words are like daggers, some longer daggers, some only two letters, but your daggers have torn deep into my heart and killed both the black warden and the bald headed nazi who live within me (yes, I finished Oz tonight), and I live now only to watch Miss Sally. Aleister 4:54 9-1-'12
- IP's, especially "one vote" IP's who come in to vote one time and then are never heard from again, have affected voting on individual awards and on features. But, yeah, the end-of-year awards should be kept out of their IP little-grasps. One more thing if you would, the "minutes later" was something like four hours later. Sonic gave me a two vote lead and I thought many more votes would come in. Then Flamingo voted for Sog with a few minutes left and we almost tied, which is what I was hoping for at the time. But anyone could have looked in, saw that their voting preference wasn't going to win, and move their vote. As it is written now in your forum it looks like Sonic came in last minute and swung it to me, when it was actually hours and anything could have happened in the meantime. Would you nudge that to "hours" instead of "minutes". It's a game of inches sometimes, but in this case it was quite awhile before voting ended. Thanks, and maybe we can do a vote on getting IP's barred from voting this year (a little late but there are 22 days left). N ow, to watch Tebow get his head handed to him. Aleister 21:39 8-1-'12
- My bad about Skinfan, I actually meant Sonic80. You know how it is with people whose names start with the letter S, I trust you've been engaged in a compromising tryst with a girl named Sandy before. Anyway, those are good ideas too, about the IPs. I'll bring that up too. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 16:48, January 8, 2012 (UTC)
- Tim who? Puppy
07:17 09 Jan '12
- Good question. ~
07:33, 9 January 2012
- I'm genuinely ignorant here. Te last time that happened I decided to google the person named. Since that person was Rebecca Black, I have regretted it since. If I google this am I going to be similarly cursed? Puppy 07:36 09 Jan '12
- Nah. He's just some sportsball player. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 07:44, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm genuinely ignorant here. Te last time that happened I decided to google the person named. Since that person was Rebecca Black, I have regretted it since. If I google this am I going to be similarly cursed? Puppy
- Thanks TKF. Ironically, I was once stuck in the mud! Tebow is an American-football player whose claim to fame is that he kneels and thanks god at the drop of a hat, and photographers run up to him and take pictures. So the Christian crowd goes crazy when he wins (they seem to forget when he losses) at the last minute, solely because his team can't put the other teams away easily. His razor-thin and lucky wins are then hailed as a sign from God that kneeling down and praying in front of tv cameras is somehow honored and rewarded (although Jesus specifically said do not pray in public, but in private, by yourself, a fact lost in the noise surrounding this pretty average quarterback). Next week the New England Patriots will eat him up and spit him out, as they are powered by Tom Brady, a denizen of Satan. Aleister 11:41 9-1-'12
- Satan, Massachusetts must be one Hell of a place.
- Good question. ~
- *chortle*
- Or...or did you mean...he actually lives inside Satan, like the abbots living in Satan's butthole in La Divina Comedia? ~ BB ~ (T)
~ Mon, Jan 9 '12 11:57 (UTC)
- Since you gave me an opening to cover my ignorance, the latter. Tom Brady lives inside Satan's ass. lol. Aleister 12:10 9-1-'12
- If I could get $1,000,000 to handle balls for three hours, and be breast friends with a supermodel, and drink Absinthe in the off-season, I'd live in Satan's butthole. Decent trade-off. Place sounds cozy, no? Some throw rugs and Ikea, and it would be totally livable. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Jan 9 '12 12:20 (UTC)
- I handle balls for hours and drink absinthe - where's my money/supermodel? Puppy 12:24 09 Jan '12
- Since you are on a roll, why not roll out an UnNews "Brady denizen of Satan, Tebow smells defeat" or something. Why don't we all collab on it, it's sick and retarded enough to grab my attention. Aleister 12:24 9-1-'12
- I handle balls for hours and drink absinthe - where's my money/supermodel? Puppy
- If I could get $1,000,000 to handle balls for three hours, and be breast friends with a supermodel, and drink Absinthe in the off-season, I'd live in Satan's butthole. Decent trade-off. Place sounds cozy, no? Some throw rugs and Ikea, and it would be totally livable. ~ BB ~ (T)
- Since you gave me an opening to cover my ignorance, the latter. Tom Brady lives inside Satan's ass. lol. Aleister 12:10 9-1-'12
- Or...or did you mean...he actually lives inside Satan, like the abbots living in Satan's butthole in La Divina Comedia? ~ BB ~ (T)
edit Whisperer
My site notice is telling me that it doesn't finish for another 4 hours (something about extended deadline). Puppy 07:54 10 Jan '12
- Oops, was that Noon UTC? Damn, I'm bad at reading. I can't fathom much changing to alter the results I posted, though. I'll delete 'em now and save them for later, just in case, though. Sorry for jumping the gun (maybe, apparently possibly). --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 07:56, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
- I only noticed as I was a preview of changes away from doing the same thing myself earlier. Puppy 07:59 10 Jan '12
- I only noticed as I was a preview of changes away from doing the same thing myself earlier. Puppy
Sorry I was in a hurry when I posted the message. Someone needed a few extra hours so I added a 12 hour grace period. The contest has officially ended now. MadMax 17:54, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
edit Award from TAW 2011
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| This user created Speed Reading, as part of The Article Whisperer. Thanks for making this year's competition a success! |
The prompt is just frame of reference for editors who want to work on the article. It's not a requirement so worries about that. MadMax 17:54, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Nooooo I don't want this award! Attempting to write that article was the biggest migraine of my creative life. A magnificent failure of confused ambitions. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 17:56, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
edit Thanks from TAW 2011
| Article Whisperer Judge |
| This person was a judge for the 2nd The Article Whisperer Competition (2011). The community would like to thank them for their contribution.
(See you at next week's meeting guys!) | |
| Article Whisperer Runner-Up Winner |
| This person won second place in the 2nd The Article Whisperer Competition (2011). They did not win but they wrote the article: Esperanto
Thanks for making this year's competition a success! (Your set of steak knives is in the mail..) | |
edit UnSignpost - 12 January 2012
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.
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TAW!
 TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted.  A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares?
 Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement
You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:03, 12 January 2012
edit So...
...has anyone asked about your huge mutilated penis yet? Puppy 09:37 12 Jan '12
- You mean his PlayStation 3? —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:43, 12 January 2012
- Nope! You're the first! You win the coveted Mutilated Penis award. I'll be over in 15 minutes to give it to you. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 02:16, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Wow! I'll be InFamous! Puppy 02:21 13 Jan '12
- Wow! I'll be InFamous! Puppy
edit UnBooks:My Tedious Day
A user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Then, another user read my article, went to VFH, and voted. Next, a different read my article, went to VFH, and voted. By now, the article was featured.
Thank you for voting for UnBooks:My Tedious Day on VFH! --
02:14, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
edit Esperanto
Is it ready yet? Puppy 02:59 13 Jan '12
- I think I may take whatshisface's advice and add another section of mostly-nonsense at the end. So nooooottttt quuuuiiiittteeee. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 03:01, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Aaaaaaaaaaand noooowwwwwwww it's done. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 03:13, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
edit I maed a yuky doody
I just looked at this article and saw that you removed the "o yea this reminds me of something else!" section. Could you please change it back. That was the best part. -- 02:27, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
- I went ahead and re-added it, per above. I hope that's not a problem. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:35, 14 January 2012
- Yeah, no problem with the revert. I was always kind of on the fence about that section, but really see no great error with keeping it too. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 04:01, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
edit So does this mean...
If I add another 7 articles to VFH I can force both Thank God it's Friday and Cum Dumpster to be pushed off the list with a score of 12 each? Puppy 04:50 14 Jan '12
- Sure go for it --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 04:56, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Something gives me the feeling that you're being sarcastic. Can't quite work out what that is. Puppy 05:02 14 Jan '12
- Could have been the edit summary? --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 05:08, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Something gives me the feeling that you're being sarcastic. Can't quite work out what that is. Puppy
edit Can you close the Top of the Month at the end of today, and also start the Top of 2011 voting, which you appear to have started?
My computer is deeply broken, and I'm in the midst of defuckulating it, and Mordillo doesn't appear to be around for the Top of 2011 voting. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:03, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
- I was all planned to do it, but I apparently didn't get home until 5:00 AM last night. Luckily, someone else already done it for us. Hooray! --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 19:22, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Sure, you cheer now, but you'll be cheering out of the other side of your cheer hole when they're eating your tongue to get your power. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 23:26, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
edit Congrats
| Article Whisperer Winner |
| This person is a Grand Prize winner of the 2nd annual Article Whisperer Competition (2011), which they won for their article: Antifreeze
| |
edit UnSignpost - 19 January 2012
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!
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We're all going to die!
 Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be!  Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout.
All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added " In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:08, 19 January 2012
edit HMC 2012
edit I don't often get to do this...
But I'm questioning a deletion. Vigilance? ~ 05:19, 23 January 2012
edit UnSignpost - 26 January 2012
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!
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Phoning it in!
 That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button.
Found it.
Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:29, 26 January 2012
edit Robbed
Highway robbery. I was hoping that a three-way tie would happen, and it was looking good up until a few days ago. Oh, you thought I meant woty? No, no, uoty, where I got 3 votes and was just beat out by Zombiebaron's 16 (I've demanded a recount but L ignored me). Yet on woty, you should have won too. Lots of people were hoping for a three-way (that goes without saying), and you certainly deserved one. Aleister 19:11 1-2-'12
- C'est l'uncyc. There's always next year! --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 23:47, February 1, 2012 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 3 February 2012
All your readers are belong to us
February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!
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On Felonies And Awards
Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners.
Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support
 Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:11, 3 February 2012
edit Your signature
It's long and inappropriate. 68.173.113.106 22:59, February 3, 2012 (UTC) P.S. That's what I think, I might be wrong.
- So, TKF talking about putting his dick in your butt would be inappropriate, but doing it would be just fine? Am I getting that right? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Feb 3 '12 23:09 (UTC)
- Actually, the IP is right - this one violates the signature policy as much as the last one, if not more. ~ 23:29, 3 February 2012
- I dare you to hold him accountable for it. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Feb 4 '12 5:56 (UTC)
- VFD it again. See if I care. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 05:59, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
- Would you? ~ 06:10, 4 February 2012
- But you're an admin! You're expected to uphold all of Uncyclopedia's policies, right?! Just sayin'. I used to be 68.173.113.106:
Cute Zekrom! Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 02:44, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
- He does. HTBFANJS is a guideline, not policy. And at least he isn't saying fuck. Puppy 04:03 17 Feb '12
- The fuck you sayin' about me???????? --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 10:23, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
- That you're too fucking rude, faggot. Puppy 10:39 17 Feb '12
- Guity as charged on both counts. What you gonna do huh? HUH? --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 10:43, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
- Wail impotently for 420 seconds. Puppy 10:59 17 Feb '12
- Wail impotently for 420 seconds. Puppy
- Guity as charged on both counts. What you gonna do huh? HUH? --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 10:43, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
- That you're too fucking rude, faggot. Puppy
- The fuck you sayin' about me???????? --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 10:23, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
- He does. HTBFANJS is a guideline, not policy. And at least he isn't saying fuck. Puppy
- No. I meant UN:SIG is probably a policy[citation needed]. Cute Zekrom! Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 23:53, February 17, 2012 (UTC)
- It is, otherwise known as Amphibian Exceptionalism Qzekrom. Read Aesop for comfort. --
RomArtus*Imperator« (Orate) 17:02, February 19, 2012 (UTC)
- For more information, you can always read the exception guidelines at Uncyclopedia:Amphibian Exceptionalism. Puppy 11:13 19 Feb '12
- For more information, you can always read the exception guidelines at Uncyclopedia:Amphibian Exceptionalism. Puppy
- It is, otherwise known as Amphibian Exceptionalism Qzekrom. Read Aesop for comfort. --
- But you're an admin! You're expected to uphold all of Uncyclopedia's policies, right?! Just sayin'. I used to be 68.173.113.106:
- Would you? ~
- VFD it again. See if I care. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 05:59, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
- I dare you to hold him accountable for it. ~ BB ~ (T)
- Actually, the IP is right - this one violates the signature policy as much as the last one, if not more. ~
edit Hey
Could I please have a copy of the recently deleted Yoda at User:Xamralco/Yoda? Thank you. -- 14:22, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
- I did it. You're welcome. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 14:34, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
edit Thanks for the heads up.
Yeah sure, it's always a pleasure to contribute to Uncyclopedia. And thanks for the heads up. ~Tasmænia Email me!!! 13:11, February 7, 2012 (UTC)
edit Review
Just had/wrote a look/review at/of your Brubeck article. You may wish to look at it, in your own sweet way of course! --Knucmo2 00:29, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
edit The Western Front
Hi,
I'd like to replace "All's Quiet on the Western Front" with "All's Quite OK on the Western Front." (And also to italicize the phrase, where appropriate.) I tried to edit the article, but apparently you've locked it.
Unlock it now, or I'll come after you with a sharpened shovel.
Stumbo 06:20, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
- No thanks. We tend not to make such arbitrary, not-so-essential changes to featured articles, let alone Top 10 Articles. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 09:45, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
- Why not write your own article on that theme Stumbo? Featured articles are locked to prevent further changes UNLESS an author or contributor wants to correct grammatical mistakes missed the first time round. --RomArtus*Imperator« (Orate) 13:32, February 8, 2012 (UTC)
- Why not write your own article on that theme Stumbo? Featured articles are locked to prevent further changes UNLESS an author or contributor wants to correct grammatical mistakes missed the first time round. --
edit UnSignpost - 10 February 2012
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!
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Something happened this week.
 In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-  |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:25, 10 February 2012
edit Yo, dawg
Thought I'd give you a chance at this before I VFD it: Cello. Horrible page, but I do like the first three pictures. You're the music guy, right? Wanna make it "not-shit"? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Feb 10 '12 13:05 (UTC)
- I wish I knew more about the cello, and had more free time and current creativity, to do so :/ --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 16:24, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
edit Silent night
edit Hi
While you're huffing some pages, could you give this guy a nice kick to the gonads? I think he needs one. Furry 16:35, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Also, since you're a 'crat, could I have the rollback tool, so I can undo vandalism a bit easier? Furry 17:09, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Thank you. Furry 17:31, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
edit Yo dude
I took ya tag off I got rhythm because it is sysop protected having passed a VFD. MrN 
02:52, Feb 16
- And I added it again because that was many years ago, and the userbase and standards/styles of humor have changed drastically since then. A novelty stub can stand on its own when the joke is funny and would be wittier than any overblown article that could hypothetically take its place. As I see it, based on the article's merits, I got rhythm doesn't make a joke or satirize anything. Funny stuff can be done with song lyrics in longform (I've done it myself), any like you said, people do like the idea of this article (or they did, at one point in time), so a {{Fix}} with a possibility of complete longform renovation is possible. On the other hand, if this article was made today, I would delete it on sight unhesitatingly. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 09:54, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Dude, I don't particularly give a monkeys about this article, and I'm certainly not trying to fight for it but I am trying to be fair to it... It's sysop protected. I am totally confused about what you are saying. You want to leave a fix tag on an article which no one can edit? Then after 30 days when it's not been edited it's ok to delete it right? I would have thought it better to use VFD. MrN
10:18, Feb 16
- I dun even know whut the joke is... ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Feb 16 '12 10:19 (UTC)
- Good idea. I'll unprotect it. (Also, in case y'all were wonderin', the joke is that SbU made it just to annoy Villahj Idiot). If someone else were to put it on VFD, then I'd be okay with that, but I find a Fix just as appropriate. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 10:21, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
- I dun even know whut the joke is... ~ BB ~ (T)
- Dude, I don't particularly give a monkeys about this article, and I'm certainly not trying to fight for it but I am trying to be fair to it... It's sysop protected. I am totally confused about what you are saying. You want to leave a fix tag on an article which no one can edit? Then after 30 days when it's not been edited it's ok to delete it right? I would have thought it better to use VFD. MrN
edit come to the irc right now.
A faggot called "dcik" is attacking us and there are no admins.--fcukmanLOOS3R! 
10:48, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Where? --RomArtus*Imperator« (Orate) 10:59, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
22:13 (Block log) . . Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr-ex777 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (called me a faggot)
- Here or on irc? Puppy 11:17 16 Feb '12
- I'm sorry, but I had to. The irony was literally killing me. I nearly died, actually. I am basically in a coma because of all that irony. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 11:20, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
- My level of concern doesn't even register in a scale of 1 to 10. Amusement factor is there though. Puppy 11:25 16 Feb '12
- My level of concern doesn't even register in a scale of 1 to 10. Amusement factor is there though. Puppy
- I'm sorry, but I had to. The irony was literally killing me. I nearly died, actually. I am basically in a coma because of all that irony. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 11:20, February 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Here or on irc? Puppy
edit UnSignpost - 18 February 2012
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.
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Important competition news As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly.  MOAR PENIS
Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination
After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:57, 18 February 2012
edit Your block
I just noticed that Lyrithya blocked you for using the word photoshop. I have to apologise for that. We have some very mean admins here. Just so you're aware for the future, the preferred term for image manipulation in potatochop or 'chop for short. As annoying as it may be, the truth is that the words we use here are important. I know that as a n00b (which means newcomer) it can be a bit difficult for you to get used to, but I'm sure that you'll get used to it eventually. Maybe. I hope so, as the articles you've done so far are not too bad. With a bit of work we may even be able to get those {{fix}} tags off them. Not all of them, true, but some of them at least. Puppy 02:21 19 Feb '12
edit I'm just wondering...
Are there any plans for Uncyclopedia to celebrate the WWI centenary in 2014? I don't know if it's technically possible but one idea might be to have to have the main page appear "in period" with an appropriate featured article, UnNews, etc. It could even run for four days to change with each "year" of the war. It'd be fun, I think, to have this extend to the entire site (something like the Wikia skin that was tried last year) for example VFD to have WWI related articles and discussions. I'm assuming this would take some work which is why I'm asking so early. Of course, I'm no comedian so feel free to shoot it down. ;)
At the very least Uncyclopedia could have a "core list" of WWI topics by then. I created this subpage as part UN:REQ and was considering holding a writing contest (either a regular or 24-hour one) once or twice a year until June 2014. Think this is worth looking into? MadMax 01:11, February 21, 2012 (UTC)
edit Recent forum post
Don't know if it applies to this but I shot a few ideas to Dr. Skullthumper a few months ago. MadMax 01:40, February 21, 2012 (UTC)
- In regards to advertising, I talked with Mordillo about the Wikia ads on the bottom of the page. IIRC, I suggested the ads could be "humorously" redesigned by Uncyclopedia editors (something like what Mad Magazine used to do) as a sort of compromise since a few people weren't too happy with them at the time. Maybe this same concept could be used if the site ever goes down the advertising route? MadMax (talk) 14:44, March 1, 2012 (UTC)
edit sadly, no.
And I dunno why yet. Works fine from the console. Also, shame on you for attempting. If that worked and I had no idea what I was doing, I'd be crying right now. Bully bully bully. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Feb 22 '12 11:41 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 23 February 2012
All your readers are belong to us
February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!
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Softly softly, happy Monkey
Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else.  For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum
 TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:48, 23 February 2012
edit Hey
I don't want to say this on the forum, as I'm not trying to create drama there. I have an intense dislike of advertising, which I've made clear, but I can see a need for it if we are to move the community to off Wikia servers. The ad panel at the base of pages is something that has been only a minor issue so far, and the whitespace below the nav bar can also be utilised. I think we need to keep the advertising to a maximum 10% of screen size. So one banner ad at the base, or two shorter banner ads, and one smaller ad at the side being a 3x4 ratio (so about 150px x 200px). But if we were to introduce it now, then I have a genuine concern that it will get messy with Wikia. Given ownership of the site is in their hands, I worry that they will argue that profit from advertising here should go to them. We've never had the most co-operative of relationships in the past, but they've let us remain autonomous for an extended period. If we take the step of saying "we want advertising" then they may start to force it on us and it goes out of the control of the community here. Oh, and I also have a trust issue relating to the finances aspect. Nothing personal to any of the admins, but there are times when one or two admins decide that they can make decisions for the community without discussing it with the community. Adding a financial element to that as well means that we add another stressor on what should be a synergistic relationship.
I guess my main thing is that I see no immediate need for us to host advertising, and I can see definite issue with us doing so as well. If we were to be self-hosting, that would be a different thing. Puppy 09:35 23 Feb '12
- You make very salient points (including that one about admins doing shit without community discussion), and believe it or not I agree, but I don't feel that independent hosting right now is really a feasible idea. From what little I know about moving sites, even the process of buying/switching domains seems either extremely expensive (convincing Wikia/Carlb to sell one of the old ones) or potentially alienating (moving to a new one entirely). --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 22:57, February 23, 2012 (UTC)
edit Death in the family
Whoo, you got my attention there. I hoped immediately that it wasn't an announcement by you about someone in your family of Uncy's family. Lots of people have never experienced a major death, and it's a fuckwad when it occurs. Glad yours is an article, but it could be a masterwork if done well. I won't read it though (I have a private policy against reading user page articles in progress, at least in most cases). Aleister 3:17 24-2-'12
- It was one of them expired FFW week tags that I promised I would work on, but of course I just got drunk beat it some and filed for annulment two days later. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 03:19, February 24, 2012 (UTC)
edit Rollback
Can I haz? Please. Puppy 07:32 25 Feb '12
edit Can I have rollback?
That. ~ 19:52, 25 February 2012
- Yeah sure. Rollback for all!!!! --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 20:05, February 25, 2012 (UTC)
edit Templates
Some userspace pages still get ICU'd 'n huff'd. 
Cute Zekrom! Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 01:59, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
- The admins doing that are fucking up, not you. Let me know so I could kick their asses. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 02:23, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Just look for any deletion log for a user subpage that says "ICU expired." Cute Zekrom! Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 02:27, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Can't find any example of that in the last 1000 entries. The only occasion in which a user subpage has been deleted was when the author themselves listed it on QVFD out of shame. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 04:57, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Go to Bulbapedia, then go to Munci/Bulbapedia. (Munci should have moved it to User:Munci/Bulbapedia, though.) Cute Zekrom! Use Fusion Bolt NOW!! • It's super effective! 17:24, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Go to Bulbapedia, then go to Munci/Bulbapedia. (Munci should have moved it to User:Munci/Bulbapedia, though.)
- Can't find any example of that in the last 1000 entries. The only occasion in which a user subpage has been deleted was when the author themselves listed it on QVFD out of shame. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 04:57, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Just look for any deletion log for a user subpage that says "ICU expired."
edit Can we all please have The New Jersey article back preferably as New Jersey (state)
Yo Yous need to fix that. I mean come on yo at least make a discussion giving a full techy explanation on were to find the original article went. Come yo don't be acting like a mook seriously. For reals Were did it go or is it really gone. Love the hoax article but this wiki also needs the full state article for continuity. Persopnal si: WTF yo yous gotta know that's one A hol mooky thing to do fo reals.Antiedman 14:58, February 29, 2012 (UTC)
- Non parlevous de chinky saavy. Anglais *click* per favore toot sweet. Puppy 11:36 01 Mar '12
edit UnSignpost - 1 March 2012
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH
March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.
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Nothing.
So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry.  In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:24, 1 March 2012
edit UN:VFS
Chief stepped up. Thought you might like to know. Puppy 11:34 01 Mar '12
edit WotM
Haha, just had to brag that I wrote your WotM entry on the front page. You deserve that second title man! 
Mattsnow 21:18, March 1, 2012 (UTC)
edit I need you to get on IRC for a minute...
- ...and type this:
/msg ChanServ access #uncyclopedia add Zombiebaron +votsriRfA. It seems that somebody removed my IRC crat rights a few weeks ago. Thanks! -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 05:58, March 2, 2012 (UTC)
edit Hey.
Hey, thank you for nominating me for the Uncyclopedian of the month, but I'd doubt that I will probably more than 2 votes, my work isn't even a fraction to the average Uncyclopedian. ~Tasmænia Email me!!! 23:48, March 4, 2012 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 8 March 2012
Just like Grandma used to make!
March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!
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Vote for Change
 There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude:
Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 8 March 2012
edit I argue with someone...
...and your user page gets vandalised. That's cause and effect right there. ·
06:01 12-03-12
- But I now have ABBA in my head, so consider me punished. · 06:12 12-03-12
edit About the upcoming CW
Is the WWI project going to be worked into CW? I didn't see much argument either way in the forums. If not, do you think it'd be worth running it in two or three months or would it be better to put it on hold? On an unrelated note, Special:LonelyPages has been flooded with UnDictionary and UnNews articles. Are UnNews articles generally linked to regular articles? I don't mind the work but I thought I'd ask beforehand. I believe Fnoodle was compiling a list but I don't think anything ever came of it. MadMax (talk) 10:32, March 12, 2012 (UTC)
edit Cunt cunt etc etc
Hello and Saul-u-tations. What do you think about the version I reverted the page too? It was a 2006 version that Famine protected, but loses the large pic and other things which I thought blocked people from getting down to the part of the page where the analysis begins. Do your magic! Aleister 2:15 13-3-'12
- Looks good baby baby! I would add another pic to spice things up, so I'll do that now. Can't promise it'll be imaginative though. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 04:23, March 13, 2012 (UTC)
edit You closed the nomination for Uncyclopedian...
...purely due to lack of princess brideism? Oh well, as you wish. Puppy 09:23 13 Mar '12
- That was only slightly annoying, but very funny. Puppy 03:45 14 Mar '12
- Very funny and slightly annoying, eh? Well then, my work here is done. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 15:48, March 14, 2012 (UTC)
edit I remember...
...a long time ago, on someone's talk page, someone "spoke" to me about the tv show OZ. It may have been you. If so, and if you have a few minutes just hanging around your minute collection, can you take a look at Oz and see if it meets with your approval of what approximates an article about Oz. I've had no feedback on it from anyone who's seen the show (a friend who urged me to watch it - and I was like "56 episodes! What if I like it?" - was going to read it and hasn't yet). Has a spoiler alert on it, so I've tried to warn people away who may not have watched it yet but plan to. Thanks! Aleister 16:47 14-3-'12
edit Uncyclopedia's bully
Why is there total silence about this? I was flabberghasted when your de-opping was overturned by Zombie. She's bullied you, she bullied puppy about NOTHING, she bullied me (look at my talk page), she's bugged noobs about nothing, and then tried to justify her mean and dickish passive agressiveness by claiming it was really just only "agressiveness" when in any case it was just pointless bitchiness and then bullied everyone into silence by making us all seem like stupid morons. It just creates a toxic and frightening enviroment on the talk pages. And so Puppy gets banned ... but as for the other half ... there's just silence. --ShabiDOO 05:29, March 16, 2012 (UTC)
- I generally prefer to stay out of the way of the flying bullets, but I'm with Shab and Pup and you on this. For what it's worth. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Mar 16 '12 7:29 (UTC)
edit As much as I appreciate the thought...
... I'd rather not be a precedent for admins reversing each other's blocks. RAHB has acted with the interest of the wiki in mind. I've emailed him directly with why I feel he was presumptive in acting that way. I am (other than saying thank you now) waiting upon his response to my email prior to editing. Puppy likes Rules Time is an illusion 07:48, March 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Frosty thinks everyone should get along. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:57, March 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Bizzeebeever does, too, but Bizzeebeever would also like world peace, a billion dollars, and a convertible full of naked Brazilian models.
- Bizzeebeever will never have those things.
- Bizzeebeever is sad. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Mar 16 '12 13:06 (UTC)
- You will have all those things, except for the billion dollars, don't fret the small stuff. And seriously, if you set your mind on obtaining a convertible full of naked Brazilian models and stick to it, that's actually not very difficult. Did Puppy leave yet? I've got dibs on some of his stuff that nobody else grabbed. He asked me to do the coding when he left, and I'm all set oh boy oh boy. Aleister 13:10 Ides of March Boxing Day
- Bizzeebeever is sad. ~ BB ~ (T)
edit The Pea Buddy Awards
We need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! Mattsnow 00:31, March 20, 2012 (UTC)
edit Congratulations!
Your Antifreeze article just made the featured article today, so... well, congrats! —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Pax1 (talk • contribs)
edit Thanks for your vote
Thanks for voting. -- --Uncle J (talk) 23:33, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
| Featured Article: UnNews:Barack Obama proposes legalizing prostitution, pot in effort to balance budget, avoid tax increases This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. |
edit Dude...
I must have got it into my head that the cut off for health was normally 30. Sorry about that. MrN 17:27, Mar 26
- S'all good, no apologies necessary. Really, there's no solidly defined cutoff, which is good and bad. It all relies on context, and right now context says that a 9.5 or an 8 are just about next in line for feature, not removal. It's a real sorry state, but that's where it's at right now. When VFH is this slow and vote-hungry, 20 is a good number to work off of, I think. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 17:58, March 26, 2012 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost 5 April 2012
Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco
April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition
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Xamralco
Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco
Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say: “Ehh... He's alright.” I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco
I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space
Crap, that wasn't enough
How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out! |
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9001(bot)20:48, Apr 5
edit Exodus
There seems to be a mass exodus of admins. And unfortunately a few of them are good admins. What's going on? Was there an IRC spat that I don't know about? Is there some kind of boycott for some reason? You're voice is essential to this website TKF. --ShabiDOO 19:02, April 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Yeah, what gives? Did you quit or something? I've been meaning to ask you about your huge, mutilated dong. Never got around to it. Oh, well, more's the pity. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Apr 9 '12 19:19 (UTC)
- A little bit from column A, a little bit from column B. Life in Japan's been so hecka fun I haven't had time to think about anything else, including Uncyclopedia, which just happened to be getting extremely unfun to be around. So I took a break. And I'm still taking a break. Just came back to vote on some things. (Plus, my computer is becoming retardedly broken. It is so broken, it is literally retarded now) --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 04:19, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
- A poor workman always blames his tools, as my sex therapist used to say. Ritter
WelpeAufDerGeschirrspülmaschine (see|talk) 05:21 12 Apr
- Yeah...things got a little scary a couple weeks ago, and uh...none of it...uh...is my fault...really...like...zero! ;)
- Im glad youre having a great time in Japan. I had the best years of my life when I traveled and worked in various countries for a couple years. A party with half a dozen scandinavians, a ton of aussies, a handful of Mexicans and a bunch of crazy young Japanese in their 20s would be a whole lot more fun than settling desputes between a few divas on uncyclopedia :) ROCK AND ROLL!!!! --ShabiDOO 22:42, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
- A poor workman always blames his tools, as my sex therapist used to say. Ritter
edit UnSignpost - Free Pixels Inside!
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
Apr 12th, 2012 • Issue 163ish • The newspaper used as insulation by discerning homeless
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Nobody panic. Everything is fine. In a precedented move, USP has handed the reigns over to somebody new in order to ensure it's timely delivery. USP has had a fine tradition of coming out regularly on a weekly basis[citation needed] since it's creation, and the handing of the reigns to In the meantime, the news continues to happen. VFH is in the healthiest state that it has been over the past 7ish years,[citation needed] as we are constantly reminded by the site banner, which is updating as regular as clockwork.[citation needed] The top three features articles of March is proving to be a hotly contested title,[citation needed] and is shaping up to be the first month in history where every article is likely to be in the coveted top position. And we have a strong consensus that there is no need for new admins, however we have a record number of potential admins nominated.[citation needed] Everything is fine. More Stuff
Sadly, I will no longer use the UnSignpost to talk about how great I am. Instead, the UnSignpost will return to its original purpose: Telling you about what's happening on the wonderful website known as Uncyclopedia.[citation needed] As Puppy mentioned before, ChiefjusticeDS has left his position as head editor and In other news, the Great Republican Write-a-thon is coming to a close. If you haven't heard, a Canadian dude and some schmuck who knows nothing about American politics are co-hosting a writing competition that will assess which team of Uncyclopedians can write a better article about a selected 2012 Republican presidential candidate nominee. Strangely, these same two doofuses have also submitted an entry, something which most certainly should have been against the rules. Nevertheless, articles on all four candidates were put up on VFH (which is serving as a judge), though the Mitt Romney article immediately failed since no one bothered to rewrite it (which is mildly entertaining considering he's leading at the moment). And now, some cheese:  No, that wasn't random... Everybody panic. Nothing is fine.
 In an emergency spur-of-the-moment move, the USP has forced the burden of writing it each week onto another innocent soul in order to ruin their lives like so many others.[citation needed] USP has had a fine tradition of not coming out since 1974.[citation needed] USP has decided to hand the blood-stained reigns to In the meantime, the terrible news continues to depress us all. VFH is running as slowly as the plumbing in my house and actually has negative six entries.[citation needed] However, the site banner seems to want to shove lies down our thoats. This is probably on account of the fact that it is only editable by lying, cheating, inbred bastards that can't seem to update the fuckin' thing. The top three featured articles of March is proving to only be winnable if you suck the right person's dick,[citation needed] and is shaping up to be just like all the other months ever: uninteresting. And a record number of people were forced to vote that they want more narcissistic assholes, however not one single person has been nominated, as there are no users left.[citation needed] Nothing is fine. |
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-- 21:56, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
edit Rick Santorum says, "Thanks for the vote."
-- 00:22, April 13, 2012 (UTC)
edit UnNews:Lil B dubbed new "Hardest Working Man in Show Business"
I added a pic, you can caption it if you want bro. Also, you're gone??? FFFF.. Hope you come back soon. I can't just beat sense into everybody on my own! :P Mattsnow 22:05, April 13, 2012 (UTC)
- eh, I'll probably be back here and there. just too lazy to log in (by the way, this IP is me. dun dun dunnnnnn!!!) --210.168.185.68 10:11, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
- but yeah remember when rahb was like "this ip for admin!!!" and then removed his own comment because he thought his joke was too funny and might offend someone and this IP was actually a bureaucrat lol --210.168.185.68 10:16, April 14, 2012 (UTC)
- And...do you remember that one time when some total douche was like, "bizzeebeever is...a fucking pussy", and I was like, "Dude! Harsh!"? Ahh-hahaha! Yeah, those were good times. Good times. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Apr 14 '12 11:13 (UTC)
- Well, we all hate each other here. It's like one big family. RitterWelpeAufDerGeschirrspülmaschine (see|talk) 04:01 15 Apr
- OH YEAH? OH YEAH? YOU ALL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? WELL, YOUR MOTHERS SUCK COCKS IN HELL, MOTHERFUCKERS! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Apr 15 '12 11:17 (UTC)
- OH YEAH? OH YEAH? YOU ALL THINK THIS IS FUNNY? WELL, YOUR MOTHERS SUCK COCKS IN HELL, MOTHERFUCKERS! ~ BB ~ (T)
- Well, we all hate each other here. It's like one big family. Ritter
- And...do you remember that one time when some total douche was like, "bizzeebeever is...a fucking pussy", and I was like, "Dude! Harsh!"? Ahh-hahaha! Yeah, those were good times. Good times. ~ BB ~ (T)
edit Cow tipping
02:23, April 15, 2012 (UTC)edit UnSignpost 19th April 2012
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 102 + 82 • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!
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I am an extremely lazy person
 Hello, everybody. It's that guy that you see around here sometimes. I just want to apologize in advance for my unscrupleties and making up of the word "unscrupleties". I should probably redeem myself by covering something important that's happening on the site, like any responsible journalist would, but I'm not responsible or a journalist, so I'll just use this medium to complain about my life instead. I can't believe that slut Barbara broke up with me! We had something great, and she threw it all away for someone that actually "treated her like a person". Pfft! Women and their expectations! I don't even need them! Mrs. Right is all the company I will ever need. Speaking of dumb whores, my English teacher is making us read a book for homework! A book! What the hell is this? The seventeenth century? Nobody reads books anymore, because it's a complete waste of energy. Reading in general is a complete waste of energy. That's why after I write these rants, I never even bother to look over them, becase wy wuld i revew thus stuf whrn i alredy do it prfict the frst tyme? That's all from me! Though you may be wondering how anything I said here was at all useful to the signpost, I hope you can appreciate the lack of blood, sweat, and tears I put into this piece and remember that it's all for the good of Wikipedia. Oh, this isn't Wikipedia? My fucking GPS gave me the wrong directions AGAIN! Goddamn it! Now I'm all pissed. Thanks for reading, whoever you people are. Vote for 2 new
 In March, lots of things happened. Good old admins such as Lyrithya kinda left but she forgot her toothbrush behind so here's hoping we can convince her to come back when she claims it in our lost-and-found department. Meanwhile powerful vandals attacked while we experienced a cannonball shortage, Top-tier articles don't get featured in time, and bad articles don't get excecuted immedately when it has more than 5 votes on VFD, and there are tons to users with potential to become one of our furhers! So for great justice, Vote for our new furhers which will serve our regin and help us defeat fearsome vandals, feature our top-tier articles, and execute worthless articles! The eligible suspects are the following; What are you waiting for? Vote for our 2 new A day in the life of an Uncyclopedian
 As usual, I woke up in my bedroom. Yes, I did the usual: I ate my breakfast, which is Uncyclopedio's with toast, grape juice (I ran out of orange juice yesterday) and a nice cup of coffee. Then I showered and brushed my teeth, but not at the same time. Afterwards I put on my clothes, and headed straight to the Village Dump by the notoriously unreliable service that is the UTA Metro. At the Village Dump, I have a chat with the other fellow Uncyclopedians at a nice cafe called BHOP, where they sell cheerful pancakes with the words emblazoned, "Benson is better than you" on the plates. I saw a large counter in which the people count to a million, one by one. I thought to myself, by the time they reached a million, it would be 2020, or later. I contributed to the counter and... whoa, they'd gotten ahead 2,000 numbers since I'd left! Then I cleverly thought: maybe this forum is just a waste of time and I should try my newly acquired keyboard skills at writing something. After all, what good is it going to do to count to a million? So I decided to contribute to the Unsignpost. I left for work to write a new article for the Uncyclomedia Association (but the sign says "Cylon Ass" on its neon lights), which was a building made of leftover construction materials, concrete, tarpaulin and held with hope. And mostly hope, as about a year ago, the building crumbled killing over 300 people below it. The article was halfway complete from yesterday, so I manage to edit it. Unlike my boss, I can't destroy someone else's document, or put it in a file and call it "top secret". But I can make amends to documents, or even write a newer, better one. There was an IP by the name of 68.343.245.130. He seemed to be a nice guy at least, but his first work was rubbish, so I talked to him on how he can improve it. This had gone for hours, and by the time I had given feedback to at least five IPs, it was the end of my shift. I simply went back home by subway, had a hearty meal, and cried myself to sleep. This has been my routine everyday since. Pee Buddy Awards
 We have so much news in this bumper edition of UnSignpost we may start having to look at extending it to take over UnNews. In a completely unplanned and natural segue, while we are on the topic of UnNews, we have a new competition. Did you know that Uncyclopedia not only writes the news, we read it as well? In fact, to celebrate both of these amazing achievements, we are holding our very first (and possibly last) Pee Buddy Awards. The activity around this is indescribable. This is possibly because this UnSignpost was written before the competition started officially. But get writing and recording today - let's put a voice to the names we know and love. |
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edit Hi
So I'm the younger you? :D ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:34, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
- And I have no doubt in my heart that you'll turn out just as jaded, caustic, and damned-good-looking as me, given another few years. --This signature has been kaputted by odor of the fecking cabal. HATERZ GONNA HATE ASK ME ABOUT MY HUGE, MUTILATED PENIS 06:36, April 22, 2012 (UTC)
edit VFS
Everybody is less of a jerk than I am. Ritter
WelpeAufDerGeschirrspülmaschine (see|talk) 06:50 22 Apr
edit UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!
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VFS Excitement!
 Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you! Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket. Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him. Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for. Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him! Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting. Happy Thursday! Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby)
The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper!  And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"! BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted! |
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edit The light bulb at the end of the tunnel
Hello, pip pip, tallyho. You may be happy to hear that I've nominated Mr. Pirat for writer of the month. I never "knew" him in the biblical sense, nor in any sense (even hearing and touch), yet his work lives after him and he actually picked up 1/2 a feature in April. Please add to our understanding of the squire's work and place within uncy's history if you have a few moments. There are a couple more users from the old timer's committee who I think should get this electronic badge, but Pirat has a reason too this month, so it seems to work. Thanks. Aleister 9:46 3-5-'12
edit I would like to bring your attention to this forum
Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya RitterWelpeAufDerGeschirrspülmaschine (see|talk) 03:20 07 May
edit I would like to bring your attention to me
Yes, me! I am back from my ban (which, now looking back on my old posts, was a good move) after about 7 months. I'm a changed man, TKF. Enjoy your time in the People's Republic of Toyota. 
!!!~High General Aimsplode~!!! 
(This is where you piss me off. boom!! headshot....) 
14:46, May 17, 2012 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost May 25th, 2012
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
May 25th, 2012 • Issue 166 • Almost entirely asbestos free!
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An Endzone Victory Dance From Your New Overlord
Hi, I'm EMC, your family-friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost six years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin.  But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win the VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me. I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Six years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success. I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of Success awaits you, especially if you are me. YOU MAKE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM, NO FETUS CAN BEAT US! A New Beginning for the Beginner's Guide
If you take a whiff around, you can smell many parts of Uncyclopedia rotting away, such as neglected projects like UnPoetia or those meme-filled articles featured eons ago. And just look at all of that dust on the HTBFANJS! But of the many things which suck and need major fixing, the Beginner's Guide is no longer one of them. Thanks to the efforts of Shabidoo and this USP article's author, the Beginner's Guide is now navigable and comprehensible. Users are no longer overwhelmed by stubs stuffed between unnecessarily long calculus equations or whatever the hell was going on with that thing before. Readers do not have to flip through using the "Next page" button. Instead, the new guide can be navigated with its template or its overview page, which now only have six relevant links instead of thirty-thousand and five irrelevant links. What preceded this and highlighted the necessity for rewriting the guide was the simplification of our UnNews guide and welcome message. It's a well-established fact that reading bores people. Giving people less stuff to read when they first join Uncyclopedia, experts say, increases the likelihood that new users will not only be less bored, but that they might actually read the Beginner's Guide/welcome message/UnNews guide and become worthwhile contributors/get banned less often. And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about. |
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