User talk:TheLedBalloon
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Welcome! This is the talk page of The Led Balloon, where you, yes you can send messages, comments, and pie to me. If you're wondering where the last messages you sent me are, they're gone! Gone forever! Muahahahaha! But seriously, they're not gone. They're here. If you'd like to post a message, place the new text (with a header of course, we try to remain civilized around here) right at the bottom of the page.
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[edit] LED! HEY!
Led, you are my doctor Cox, and I am your J.D. You are my Emperor, and I am your Admiral Akbar. You are my Dick, and I am your Bush. Never forget that I love remember you. What have you been up to? Do you remember me, that guy? ...with the things? • <3:13 May 19, 2009>
- OH MAN! OH MAN, IT'S CAJEK! OH MAN! I've been up to lotsa stuff actually. For starters, I... I'm about to miss the bus, actually. I'll finish the conversation later, may I have it wrapped ma'am? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 11:09, May 19
- Certainly, see you later today • <14:20 May 19, 2009>
- Alright, back. Yeah, so I've been pretty busy lately, what with junior year n' all. Looking at colleges, playing tennis, trying to find a summer job, and getting ready for SATs, playing trumpet, all that jazz. What about you? How was College: Part I? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:06, May 19
- I'm still at my community college, doing the psych thing. This is hard, getting into grad school! One day, though, I hope to be counseling people as crazy as I am. I'm studying for the GRE (the even scarier version of the SAT), and I'm going to get an internship in drug counseling next year. I'll be a substitute teacher in the fall, probably. But I'm back at Uncyc for now, just piddling around: It's really good to see you, man. • <2:33 May 24, 2009>
- Nice, piddling around is the best part of uncyc. I've been doing a lot of it in userspace lately, but can't seem to finish anything right now. Btw, can you IRC? There's always plenty of piddling to behttp://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:TheLedBalloon&action=edit had there. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:38, May 24
- Whenever I do that, it just sucks up all my time! I have to decline for now. Do you remember your "eye of the tiger" thing? What happened to that? Also, could you archive your talkpage, it's getting a little hard to talk... Not your fault, blame your popularity. • <2:44 May 24, 2009>
- It's not easy being this universally loved. I'll archive in a sec. As for that eye of the tiger dealio, it's still knocking around my userspace. It's here if you wanna tweak with it. Right now a lot of my effort's been going into this thing, though. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:55, May 24
- Holy god, that script was awesome: How did you capture the realism of it all? • <3:24 May 24, 2009>
- The secret is to wear a black beret and a turtleneck. Instant artsiness accompanied with gritty realism. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:10, May 24
- It just feels so... /me reclines "gritty" and "real"... All right, I'll make it into a movie if you add a few talking dinosaurs and make it a romantic dramedy. • <4:23 May 24, 2009>
- Dude, that would totally ruin the gritty reality of it--the dinosaurs would have to be the singing kind or it would never work. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:31, May 24
- Hmmm... /me reclines You drive a hard bargain, Mr.... Balloon, is it? /me reclines Okay, tell you what, have it take place in space and you've got a deal. Space is real big with the 18-19 year old bracket we're aiming for. • <4:34 May 24, 2009>
- Space would be fine, although I'd personally prefer to shoot underwater. That way I could work in some great social commentary about the inherent elitism of coral reefs. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:45, May 24
- /me reclines Is there some way they could be underwater and in space? And which one is space? Is that the big dark thing I see out my window, mommy? • <5:00 May 24, 2009>
- Underwater and in space!? Why, you may have something there! Also, space is up and underwater is down. Also also, for last time, I'm not a mommy, I just play one on TV. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:03, May 24
- What? Mommy? Moommmyyy!! /me leans forward, glazed look in eye, extending hand in a futile gesture to reclaim lost innocence. • <5:08 May 24, 2009>
- EVERYTHING YOU ONCE BELIEVED WAS A LIE. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:36, May 24
- Audience: clap clap clap • <6:19 May 24, 2009>
- EVERYTHING YOU ONCE BELIEVED WAS A LIE. - T.L.B.
- What? Mommy? Moommmyyy!! /me leans forward, glazed look in eye, extending hand in a futile gesture to reclaim lost innocence. • <5:08 May 24, 2009>
- Underwater and in space!? Why, you may have something there! Also, space is up and underwater is down. Also also, for last time, I'm not a mommy, I just play one on TV. - T.L.B.
- /me reclines Is there some way they could be underwater and in space? And which one is space? Is that the big dark thing I see out my window, mommy? • <5:00 May 24, 2009>
- Space would be fine, although I'd personally prefer to shoot underwater. That way I could work in some great social commentary about the inherent elitism of coral reefs. - T.L.B.
- Hmmm... /me reclines You drive a hard bargain, Mr.... Balloon, is it? /me reclines Okay, tell you what, have it take place in space and you've got a deal. Space is real big with the 18-19 year old bracket we're aiming for. • <4:34 May 24, 2009>
- Dude, that would totally ruin the gritty reality of it--the dinosaurs would have to be the singing kind or it would never work. - T.L.B.
- It just feels so... /me reclines "gritty" and "real"... All right, I'll make it into a movie if you add a few talking dinosaurs and make it a romantic dramedy. • <4:23 May 24, 2009>
- The secret is to wear a black beret and a turtleneck. Instant artsiness accompanied with gritty realism. - T.L.B.
- Holy god, that script was awesome: How did you capture the realism of it all? • <3:24 May 24, 2009>
- It's not easy being this universally loved. I'll archive in a sec. As for that eye of the tiger dealio, it's still knocking around my userspace. It's here if you wanna tweak with it. Right now a lot of my effort's been going into this thing, though. - T.L.B.
- Whenever I do that, it just sucks up all my time! I have to decline for now. Do you remember your "eye of the tiger" thing? What happened to that? Also, could you archive your talkpage, it's getting a little hard to talk... Not your fault, blame your popularity. • <2:44 May 24, 2009>
- Nice, piddling around is the best part of uncyc. I've been doing a lot of it in userspace lately, but can't seem to finish anything right now. Btw, can you IRC? There's always plenty of piddling to behttp://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/index.php?title=User_talk:TheLedBalloon&action=edit had there. - T.L.B.
- I'm still at my community college, doing the psych thing. This is hard, getting into grad school! One day, though, I hope to be counseling people as crazy as I am. I'm studying for the GRE (the even scarier version of the SAT), and I'm going to get an internship in drug counseling next year. I'll be a substitute teacher in the fall, probably. But I'm back at Uncyc for now, just piddling around: It's really good to see you, man. • <2:33 May 24, 2009>
- Alright, back. Yeah, so I've been pretty busy lately, what with junior year n' all. Looking at colleges, playing tennis, trying to find a summer job, and getting ready for SATs, playing trumpet, all that jazz. What about you? How was College: Part I? - T.L.B.
- Certainly, see you later today • <14:20 May 19, 2009>
[edit] UnSignpost May 21st
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
May 21st, 2009 • Issue 48 • I've seen news you... people wouldn't believe
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Glorious Cajek return story
People disappearing, people reappearing, people with little time on their hands, bots unavailable In the mean time, fortunately, several other users have made glorious returns to Uncyclopedia. As documented elsewhere, a Cajek is apparently back and doing stuff. MNM5150 has been doing some things around places, mostly the forums. Readmesoon has been spotted at VFH and a few talkpages. Yettie has been sporadically active. And Todd Lyons has been doing more stuff recently than he was doing less recently. A lot of users seem to be unable to contribute as their work/school requires them to spend their time on "useful" things. The more young adult users/little kids seem to be struggling with certain "finals", like Mahm00shA for instance. SysRq appears to be working on his graduation. Statistics show that Hyperbole's activity has been rather low, but recently increased dramatically. For how long this trend will continue is uncertain. UU has been here intermittently, but keeps proclaiming himself to be "busy". He commented "I don't have time. In fact, I may not even have time for banning and deleting today, things are going fucking nuts! [...] I have teetering mounds of work, and nowhere near enough time! Arrrrrgh! (I almost feel a second exclamation mark coming on, but nothing's that bad...)" He then proved himself to be a big fat liar by editing this story and various other bits of the UnSignpost. Additionally, while Wikipedia is being overrun by bots, they seem to have gone completely extinct on Uncyclopedia. This has led to our beloved Socky becoming partly mechanized in order to fill the role of paperbot. However, he is currently planning to get his bot operational so he won't have to tire his arse off every week. Porn! Porn! Pr0n!
There has been somewhat of a controversy as of lately about the existence of supposed pornographic images on Uncyclopedia. Some support the view "Only if it's funny.", while others say "Meh." The controversy led Orian57 to put all his gay porn on QVFD. Optimuschris was quoted saying "I don't know what the fuss is all about, there's no porn on Uncyclopedia!" The discussion seems to have concluded in something like "If it's really bothering you and isn't funny in any way, delete it!" Mnbvcxz might also want to add that pictures showing prominent nudity could give rise to some legal issues, though he wasn't actually available for comment, so we can't really be sure. Usergroups! Usergroups! Usergroups!
War is raging in usergroup land. IC, suffering major losses, has been grinded to a halt and was forced into defensive strategy, regressing to trench warfare. But UNSOC, with masses of new recruits, has declared an all out war against any potential competition. Meanwhile, a new powerful group has arisen, Der Unwehr, and they have established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. The Goa Tse Clan has gone into hiding and remains a mystery to most Uncyclopedians. "The End" is being foretold once more
Since this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make it to the press, it was inevitable that there would be foretellings of "The End" and it being "near". On Forum:Count to a million, Orian57 was found stating "we could all die [...] then how stupid would we look?" A lot of users made somewhat eccentric speculations on how several issues were related to this "impending doom". Multiliteralist, Cajek and Optimuschris posted the following "articles" in response to a request to write something for the UnSignpost. Porn and the impending doom As we all know, the impending doom to all good things is caused by porn. This vile practice of drawing pictures of naked women has spread so wide among our young men that it is almost impossible to get them to do anything else. User groups and the impending doom
No wai, the impending doom is caused by user groups! Impending doom and porn
Our porn! The usergroups are coming, and with them...impending doom! Treasure these last few mumble with your porn for the end is nigh! First person article about porn and impending doom I was in a usergroup, watching porn. Suddenly I understood watching porn in a usergroup would do nothing against the impending doom. I got rather stuck, and forgot the reason. Later, I forgot about the impending doom as well. That's what watching porn in a usergroup will do to you. Suddenly I understood: if you are the first person in a usergroup, nobody can make you watch porn. My advice
The perfect solution to problems with porn, usergroups, and the impending doom Form your own usergroup and make others watch porn! |
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Brought to you by 22:30, 21 May 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Hey Faggot!
Or alternatively, hi there! I noticed your name was listed on IC. I also noticed that our latest project is in need of some help. So I put two and two together and realized I should ask Modus. When he told me to get bent, I immediately thought of you. I'm setting an arbitrary deadline for this one at next week Saturday, so if sometime in the next week you can tear yourself away from your porn collection and maybe contribute a line or two it'd be appreciated. We're counting on you, <insert name here>! -OptyC Sucks!
CUN18:17, 23 May Dictated; not read.
- Alriiiiight, I'll look at it. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:50, May 23
[edit] UnSignpost! May 28th, 2009
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
May 28th, 2009 • Issue 49 • The kind of news your momma warned you about
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Going Portal
What, some of you may ask, are portal pages? Well, rather than have us explain it laboriously for you (because that sounds like, you know, effort), why not take a look at the following highly sexy portals: Politics; Games; Science; History and Art. And with more to come including the intriguing concept of a Quaint portal from Cajek, one thing's for sure: there has recently been an increase in the number of portals on Uncyclopedia. What? Nile and Nile related articles invade Uncyclopedia! We also asked the wealthy Egyptian and Babylonian antique collector Mr. Great Lung Sphincter of Nebuchadnezzar the 1st to comment and he exclusively replied: "Nile doesn't have any power. Now the Tigris-Euphrates, that's a different story". Not only does this tell us that the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists are cooler than Nile conspiracists, but that Nile could not invade Uncyclopedia even if they wanted to, and you should be afraid of the Tigris-Euphrates conspiracy theorists - very afraid. To sum it up, there is no Nile and Nile related articles invasion of Uncyclopedia, just as there is no cabal. |
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The only newspaper to be delivered by Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 19:38, 28 May 2009 (UTC)
[edit] My adoptee
Led, could you just ban Mahm00shA while I try to talk to Staircase? I don't know if you've been stalking the stuffs, but Stairs got banned for two hours for calling Zim a dick (long story), and then the other guys started doin' stuff, and nobody's listening! /me cries on Led's shoulder • <1:38 Jun 02, 2009>
- wha...? Alright, everyone on IRC now. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:43, Jun 2
- anyway, I'm banned on chat, but that's not the point: now you know the whole story! Not much of a story, granted, but there you go! • <1:52 Jun 02, 2009>
- I do? What did Mahm00shA do? What other guys? Edit links would be, as I believe the kids say, the bomb-diggity. Also, I dunno why you're banned in the chat, try to log back in again. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:56, Jun 2
- Ah, I'll go on chat later. The scoop is that certain jerks are being jerks. Make me an admin so that I can ban people, and get revenge on them and all those other bastards that won't do what I say. Thanks! • <2:15 Jun 02, 2009>
- Yeah, alright. I, meanwhile, got less than 4 hours of sleep last night, so I'm gonna go to bed. RAHB's still on IRC, and Ape is apparently on Staircase's side, so, like, yeah, I dunno. The discussion gradually shifted to some kind of wikiphilosophy debate, and now I need to sleep badly. Night man. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:24, Jun 2
- Take it easy, Led • <2:27 Jun 02, 2009>
- Yeah so like I went to sleep and then I got up and went to school and after that I came home and now I'm, like, here. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:11, Jun 2
- Yeah so like I went to sleep and then I got up and went to school and after that I came home and now I'm, like, here. - T.L.B.
- Take it easy, Led • <2:27 Jun 02, 2009>
- Yeah, alright. I, meanwhile, got less than 4 hours of sleep last night, so I'm gonna go to bed. RAHB's still on IRC, and Ape is apparently on Staircase's side, so, like, yeah, I dunno. The discussion gradually shifted to some kind of wikiphilosophy debate, and now I need to sleep badly. Night man. - T.L.B.
- Ah, I'll go on chat later. The scoop is that certain jerks are being jerks. Make me an admin so that I can ban people, and get revenge on them and all those other bastards that won't do what I say. Thanks! • <2:15 Jun 02, 2009>
- I do? What did Mahm00shA do? What other guys? Edit links would be, as I believe the kids say, the bomb-diggity. Also, I dunno why you're banned in the chat, try to log back in again. - T.L.B.
- anyway, I'm banned on chat, but that's not the point: now you know the whole story! Not much of a story, granted, but there you go! • <1:52 Jun 02, 2009>
[edit] That's it!
I'm nominating you for big ol' jerk o' the month! (also, I think the stuff with my adoptee smoothed out) But yeah, jerk of the month! Don't think I won't create it! ...! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- P.S. This counts as vandalism! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- This too! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I hope you read this, it took eighteen hours to plan this vandalism! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I had to do... unspeakable things to Michael Bay to get the screenplay for this vandalism! EXPLOSION KABOOM oh I'm the main character and I survived! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- What was I doing? • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- oh yeah: SO SUCK ON THIS! /me waves hand in the air Wait, that's not right... • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- So anyway, yeah, you get the point. • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- Damn! I've been vandalized! Activate the revenge bannination cannons! And also my shower because it's getting late and I need one! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:49, Jun 4
- I have returned to ban you yet again! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:29, Jun 4
- I have returned to ban you yet again! - T.L.B.
- Damn! I've been vandalized! Activate the revenge bannination cannons! And also my shower because it's getting late and I need one! - T.L.B.
- So anyway, yeah, you get the point. • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- oh yeah: SO SUCK ON THIS! /me waves hand in the air Wait, that's not right... • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- What was I doing? • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I had to do... unspeakable things to Michael Bay to get the screenplay for this vandalism! EXPLOSION KABOOM oh I'm the main character and I survived! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- I hope you read this, it took eighteen hours to plan this vandalism! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
- This too! • <2:33 Jun 04, 2009>
listen. Listen listen listen. You are behaving like a giyant ayass • <3:57 Jun 04, 2009>
- I'm not an ass you're an ass....... - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:36, Jun 4
- WHAT'DYOUSAYYOUNGMAN???!?!? • <4:48 Jun 04, 2009>
- IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?!??!? • <4:49 Jun 04, 2009>
- No m'am I was just gonna say that I really think that like uhm you know I'm not an ass you are. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:53, Jun 4
- THAT'S "MRS. LADY MA'AM" TO YOU! Now, write your name on the board, you ayass! • <4:56 Jun 04, 2009>
- I forgot my name so I wrote this: http://www.addletters.com/pictures/bart-simpson-generator/bart-simpson-generator.php?line=Mrs.+Lady+Ma%27am+Cajek+is+a+stinky+doodoo+head! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:07, Jun 4
- Pfffffttthhh phhhhfhfhpphfhfhfh phfffffffff... THAT'S NOT AT ALL WHAT I WANTED! • <5:12 Jun 04, 2009>
- WELL NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD REALLY MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT SO I KNOW AHEAD OF TIME THAT YOU DON'T WANT THEM. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
- WELL NEXT TIME YOU SHOULD REALLY MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT SO I KNOW AHEAD OF TIME THAT YOU DON'T WANT THEM. - T.L.B.
- Pfffffttthhh phhhhfhfhpphfhfhfh phfffffffff... THAT'S NOT AT ALL WHAT I WANTED! • <5:12 Jun 04, 2009>
- I forgot my name so I wrote this: http://www.addletters.com/pictures/bart-simpson-generator/bart-simpson-generator.php?line=Mrs.+Lady+Ma%27am+Cajek+is+a+stinky+doodoo+head! - T.L.B.
- THAT'S "MRS. LADY MA'AM" TO YOU! Now, write your name on the board, you ayass! • <4:56 Jun 04, 2009>
- No m'am I was just gonna say that I really think that like uhm you know I'm not an ass you are. - T.L.B.
- IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS?!??!? • <4:49 Jun 04, 2009>
- WHAT'DYOUSAYYOUNGMAN???!?!? • <4:48 Jun 04, 2009>
- I'm not an ass you're an ass....... - T.L.B.
MUST... DESTROY... INTERLOPERS... • <5:37 Jun 04, 2009>
- Dude I know right? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
[edit] Hey Led
Just ban Cajek already. 05:19, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
- Oh, I very much have, more than once now. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
[edit] Yes Led
Ban Cajek. Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 05:25, 4 June 2009 (UTC)
- No, seriously, I banned him a couple times just yesterday. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Jun 5
[edit] UnBooks:Hospital
So... just wondering... is your name really Simon? • • • Necropaxx (T) 03:06, Jun 4
- Nope. I was gonna give the main(ish) character my real name, but it felt pretentious. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:28, Jun 4
- Okay. Your name isn't by any chance Michael, is it? • • • Necropaxx (T) 15:16, Jun 5
- Nope, sorry. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:06, Jun 5
- Is your name actually "The Led Balloon"? • <19:09 Jun 05, 2009>
- If so, that's kinda weird. Did you get made fun of very much? • <19:12 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is it John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? -OptyC Sucks!
CUN19:13, 5 Jun
- 'Cause, well, that's my name to. -OptyC Sucks!
CUN19:14, 5 Jun
- Is your name Squeegie Beckenheim? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- Balky Bartokomous? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is your name Christopher John Kunt? 19:35, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
- Re: The above: Nope, keep guessing. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:51, Jun 5
- Actually, that last one was aimed at CaJeK. 20:53, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
- Is it David? You sound like a David. He's a David. David David David! DAVID!!! • • • Necropaxx (T) 02:30, Jun 9
- Noooooooooooope. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:54, Jun 10
- Noooooooooooope. - T.L.B.
- Is it David? You sound like a David. He's a David. David David David! DAVID!!! • • • Necropaxx (T) 02:30, Jun 9
- Actually, that last one was aimed at CaJeK. 20:53, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
- Re: The above: Nope, keep guessing. - T.L.B.
- Is your name Christopher John Kunt? 19:35, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
- Balky Bartokomous? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is your name Squeegie Beckenheim? • <19:15 Jun 05, 2009>
- 'Cause, well, that's my name to. -OptyC Sucks!
- Is it John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? -OptyC Sucks!
- If so, that's kinda weird. Did you get made fun of very much? • <19:12 Jun 05, 2009>
- Is your name actually "The Led Balloon"? • <19:09 Jun 05, 2009>
- Nope, sorry. - T.L.B.
- Okay. Your name isn't by any chance Michael, is it? • • • Necropaxx (T) 15:16, Jun 5
[edit] UnSignpost June 4th, 2009
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
June 4th, 2009 • Issue 50 • I love the smell of news in the morning!
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Todd not Lionised by all?
Lyons himself was deeply touched by the tribute, exclusively telling the USP: "I'm a bit surprised (though not touched, like the WotM nomination this month), because I generally shy away from the snappy/nasty ban summaries that would guarantee me a spot in the UnSignpost. Really, RDB is my #1 pick for this, and richly deserves to have a hate group on Facebook (if not several dozen by now). :) Second, if I had any insecurities that I'd lost my touch with the ban hammer after being on hiatus, they're gone. The arm's feeling great. The surgery seems to have been a 100% success. I'm feeling good that I'll be able to finish out the season and hopefully garner some interest as a bureaucrat when I become a free agent this fall." The group's creator was unavailable for comment, probably due to being banned. Comings and Goings As you may or may not have noticed, there recently seems to be a flurry of returns and hiatuses (hiati?) on this silly wiki that some of us like to call Uncyclopedia. This could be due to a number of things: the end of the school year and thus the end of studying and finals; the summer season causing new and strange emotions in internet comedy writers; the revolving door recently installed at the Uncyclopedia headquarters. Regardless of the reason, those returning have been 'welcomed', and those leaving have been warned that their userpages will be mercilessly vandalized should their vacation extend overly long. Popular aquatic creature user Finnius claims to have returned. His contributions since returning have thus far been limited to announcing his return in the forum (as required by Uncyclopedia Bylaw #435), but the Unsignpost is confident of a return laced with quality pee and other, less pungent useful contributions. The elusive Cajek, a mythical creature once thought to exist only in the surreal dreams of squirrels, has returned gloriously upon the back of a giant squirrel. So at least some part of the myth was true. Take that, science! Other returns include Dexter111344 after a brief hiatus and Gouncyclopedia!, who evaded a years-long block to announce his return in the forums (UB435 again). Perhaps the most noted of all, faithful new dog Dognewspaper returns from a one-month hiatus to appear in this story. Other users have seen a decline or all-out drop-off in their contribution level. SysRq remains on an indefinite hiatus. Gerrycheevers has seen his number of edits dwindle as of late. MrN9000 is still among the missing. Codeine is apparently gone as well, and Necropaxx will be losing his precious internet. We bid these users to hurry back, lest their userpages and works be smited with the hammer of pointless vandalism. |
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Delievered by Saberwolf116 00:19, 5 June 2009 (UTC)
[edit] An important announcement from your friends at IC.
Did you know *snicker*...Ahem. Did you know that SYSRQ IS TEH GHEYZORS? LOLOLOL!
Also, we've decided to keep our Colonization preojects contained to Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/project for your watchlisting convenience. Put it in your watchlist and try to remember to add a cuss word or something once in a while eh?
Also also, I heard that Gerry likes the smell of his own farts.
Have fun Colonizers and let's be careful out there. -OptyC Sucks!
CUN14:53, 6 Jun
- Watchlist'd! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:49, Jun 6
[edit] Mr.Awesome2010 strikes again
After his vandalism and libel were cleaned up, user:Mr.Awesome2010 continues to revert any decent revision of any of the pages he's vandalized. It doesn't seem like he's learned his lesson yet, so I think it may be time to protect the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (future film)/Factual version page from vandals like him. He's getting to be a bit of a hassle, so I feel it's Morphin time! What do you think? PF4Eva, the King of Imagination talk Contributions 21:53, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
- Huh, I have this weird feeling like he's a sock of someone I've banned before. Oh well. He's enjoying an all-expenses-paid 3 month vacation from Uncyclopedia right now, lemme know if he comes back with sockpuppets or something. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:20, Jun 8
[edit] User:Cajek/HS
Whatdya think, Led? Humbling. Is there anything I should add/change? • <23:23 Jun 08, 2009>
- TERRIBLE! HORRIBLE! TERRIBLE! NO! NO NO NO! IT SIMPLY WILL NOT DO, YOU'LL HAVE TO MAKE THE ENTIRE THING AGAIN! DO IT THE SAME EXCEPT BETTER THIS TIME. NOW CHOP CHOP, GET MOVING MISTER. (looks good, but I have partial credit on Lewd Acts of the Apostles with Mhaille and PCP) - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:29, Jun 8
- SHUT UP YOURE MEAN SHUT UP SHUT UP I HATE YOU IM LEAVING THIS FAMILY YOU SUCK WAAAH! • <18:57 Jun 10, 2009>
[edit] Award
[edit] Mister Lederson
Go here, answer questions, get free booze and a shoe shine. ~ 15:25, 11 June 2009 (UTC)
- Booze and a shoeshine? How could I refuse? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:46, Jun 11
[edit] UnSignpost June 11th/12th/whatever
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
June 11th, 2009 • Issue 51 • Also available in convenient suppository form!
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"Uncyclopedia Worst, Boys Smelly" Declares User In a move that shocked the Uncyclopedia community, female user Kamikazewatermelon09 this week posted a topic in the lovable Pancake House of Benson. The shocking part of the incident was that an actual girl visited Uncyclopedia. Hooray! Our numerous virgin users can now cross off 'make contact with a woman (without giving a credit card number) over the internet, phone, or via smoke signal' from the list of steps towards achieving manhood. Though we can't help you with that face-to-face stuff...we hear that genre of contact is terrifying. The content of the post was too lengthy and riddled with cooties for the male, attention span deficient UnSignpost editors to actually read. Furthermore, the UnSignpost Executive Board refuses to add cootie insurance to the UnSignpost employee health plan. However, resident awesome potatochopper and known girl Sonje was recruited to read the message and react as if she had been asked a clever question by a hypothetical handsome UnSignpost reporter. From her exclusive comments, it seems that the topic poster was disappointed in the vulgarity and immaturity displayed by many of our gentlemen users. "I find the crassness rather endearing," Sonje responded, "in moderation." So, the moral of the story is: the users who really count will forgive us our occasional desire to cuss a blue streak or upload some boob-related images. So...go nuts! Cabal Criticism of the Week
This week, lead Cabalist Mordillo blocked The Wizard Of Oz with an expiry time of Judgement Day, and did not provide a reason for the epic pwning. We here at the UnSignpost would like to call out Mordillo on this lack of explanation. Not as a courtesy to the user, which he certainly did not earn through his insertions of a weird version of a California article into several unseeming places. No, we would like to know why Mordillo did not take advantage of an opportunity that was ripe with comedic potential. Surely this poor soul's username could have resulted in a ban reason referencing shiny red shoes or flying monkeys? A statement concerning the location of the user being a place that is not Kansas? We would have settled for a measly 'looking for a brain' line. But instead, you left us hanging, Mordillo. We'd like to officially call you on it, and we take comfort in knowing that though you can ban the editors, and you can ban our freedom, you can never ban the UnSignpost. Though, on second thought, you could delete it. |
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I think I'm going crazy. 12:53, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
[edit] uNbOOKS lED! uNbOOKS!
Hmm.... Capslock has ruined me again. Regardless, I think the Author of the month blurb needs to be changed to something for Guildy. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:38, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- I think I dids it. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:48, Jun 12
[edit] Did you think I wouldn't find out?
Did you honestly believe I wouldn't find out about your true nature? 21:43, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
- Yes and no. I sort of knew, but also I really didn't. Additional wishy-washyness. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:31, Jun 12
- Don't sweat it. We both know the right answer to this issue. 23:33, 13 June 2009 (UTC)
[edit] The prodigal undaughter returns...
Thank you ...
... for supporting my recently featured picture. A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed in your honour. - Sonje |
Also thanks for the complementary comment attached to said vote. And also I promise to initiate my writing foray soon. --Dame 
18:36, 14 June 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Wait, so if Sonje's your daughter and you're my uncle...
Does that make us cousins? O_O I've got a cousin! ^_^ -- DameViktoria 08:56, 16 Jun
- I don't think we've officially met... so hello cousin Luvvy! XD --Dame

09:29, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
- Hello cousin Sonje! ^_^ -- DameViktoria 17:05, 16 Jun
- So... how do you guys feel about incest? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:11, Jun 16
- What the hell do you mean, uncle Leddy? O_o -- DameViktoria 18:24, 16 Jun
- What do you mean what do I mean? Can't relatives just talk about things? And in this case, talk about things like incest? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:32, Jun 16
- He is trying to warp our fragile little minds cousin Luvvy :o Is this the part where you ask me to start calling you 'Daddy'? --Dame

18:34, 16 June 2009 (UTC)
- I suspect he wants us to kiss and fondle while he can watch. I'm not too sure if he's of legal age to view such action, though. One never knows about uncyclopedians these days. Some are barely out of their nappies, while I'm starting to feel old enough to be their mother :/ -- DameViktoria 18:41, 16 Jun
- Legal age to what with who in a where when? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:58, Jun 16
- Exactly. -- DameViktoria 19:07, 16 Jun
- A very astute observation cousin Luvvy. No incest for you then Leddy. O_o --Dame

10:17, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Especially since I'm supposed to be on the side upholding the law in cases like this. (Psst... What's this 'law' thing everyone keeps referring to?) -- DameViktoria 10:22, 17 Jun
- I dunno? Are you sure you should be holding it up like that? --Dame

10:27, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- No idea. I might be bashing it face first to the ground without knowing it. However according to this test, I'm pretty much bat fuck insane, with a handy built-in legal excuse for some of the crazy stuff I do. XD -- DameViktoria 10:43, 17 Jun
- In Massachusetts, the legal age to fuck is 16. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 12:10, Jun 17
- Let's just summarize that as the patriarch of this tribe (and I just found out that Sonje is my grand daughter) I can conclude you're all barely out of your nappies. Yes, even you ancient Luvvy O_O ~
12:27, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Except for me, Im still in my nappies O_O Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
13:01 June 17 '09
- Except for me, Im still in my nappies O_O Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool
- Yay! I have a Grampidillo! ^_^ --Dame

13:15, 17 June 2009 (UTC)
- Let's just summarize that as the patriarch of this tribe (and I just found out that Sonje is my grand daughter) I can conclude you're all barely out of your nappies. Yes, even you ancient Luvvy O_O ~
- But my nappies are at least the smexy black lace and blue silk kind... *ahem* -- DameViktoria 20:47, 18 Jun
- In Massachusetts, the legal age to fuck is 16. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B.
- No idea. I might be bashing it face first to the ground without knowing it. However according to this test, I'm pretty much bat fuck insane, with a handy built-in legal excuse for some of the crazy stuff I do. XD -- DameViktoria 10:43, 17 Jun
- I dunno? Are you sure you should be holding it up like that? --Dame
- Especially since I'm supposed to be on the side upholding the law in cases like this. (Psst... What's this 'law' thing everyone keeps referring to?) -- DameViktoria 10:22, 17 Jun
- A very astute observation cousin Luvvy. No incest for you then Leddy. O_o --Dame
- Exactly. -- DameViktoria 19:07, 16 Jun
- Legal age to what with who in a where when? - T.L.B.
- I suspect he wants us to kiss and fondle while he can watch. I'm not too sure if he's of legal age to view such action, though. One never knows about uncyclopedians these days. Some are barely out of their nappies, while I'm starting to feel old enough to be their mother :/ -- DameViktoria 18:41, 16 Jun
- What do you mean what do I mean? Can't relatives just talk about things? And in this case, talk about things like incest? - T.L.B.
- What the hell do you mean, uncle Leddy? O_o -- DameViktoria 18:24, 16 Jun
- So... how do you guys feel about incest? - T.L.B.
- Hello cousin Sonje! ^_^ -- DameViktoria 17:05, 16 Jun
[edit] I don't have enough jokebans.
Jokeban request. My UncyclopedianAnniversary "Celebration" (19:40 06-18-2009)
[edit] Warriors of Genghis Khan!
My dear Led, I have to inquire: you are aware, of course, of the pioneering work of Messrs Smalls, Tufnell and StHubbins - have you ever come across the slightly more obscure but no less important contributions of the Legendary Bad News? I hereby include a sample of their sterling work, and look forward to your opinions thereon. --UU - natter
12:43, Jun 19
- Yeah, that's the bit's I like. Orian57 Talk
13:02 19 June 2009
- You know, I actually think I heard about that film from a friend a little while ago, and completely forgot about it until now. I'll have to check it out. Also, new spinal tap album just came out! Back From The Dead! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:50, Jun 19
- It's actually 2 hour long TV shows from a UK comedy clique known in the 80s as The Comic Strip. Both Bad News episodes are fully worth watching, especially the second, where they actually played the Donington Monsters of Rock festival that these days is called Download. They didn't exactly go down that well with a crowd that didn't know what the fuck they were - and a fantastic put-down from the legend that is Lemmy as well. Fun fact: their songs were written by poodle-haired Queen clog-wearer Brian May. Definitely worth a couple of hours of your time, I'd say. --UU - natter
18:15, Jun 19
- It's actually 2 hour long TV shows from a UK comedy clique known in the 80s as The Comic Strip. Both Bad News episodes are fully worth watching, especially the second, where they actually played the Donington Monsters of Rock festival that these days is called Download. They didn't exactly go down that well with a crowd that didn't know what the fuck they were - and a fantastic put-down from the legend that is Lemmy as well. Fun fact: their songs were written by poodle-haired Queen clog-wearer Brian May. Definitely worth a couple of hours of your time, I'd say. --UU - natter
[edit] UnSignpost! June 18th/19th!
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
June 18th, 2009 • Issue 52 • Thinly sliced news, between two slices of humor, with lettuce and hollandaise sauce
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Votes for Sandwiches Officially Opens This week, Votes for Sandwiches was established by Uncyclopedia Internetist and Lead Executive of Sandwiches, Spang. Previously some sort of secret cabal hazing page, lead cabalists have thrown the doors of VFS open to reveal thinly sliced meats on a variety of breads. Or they would have, if the cabal existed, which it doesn't. Official Cabal Spokesman Mordillo exclusively explained the new feature best: "The cabal, as part of its never-ending efforts to assert its all-consuming control over the citizenry, has now introduced voting for sandwiches. Each editor will be required to eat the elected sandwiches for the entire following month. Members of the cabal will closely observe voter's decisions to make sure that no vile sandwiches, such as BAKED BEANS ON TOAST WITH MELTED CHEESE, will be chosen. That's just vile. Editors will not be allowed to protest over the "democratically" "chosen" "sandwich". We're not Iran." Reactions to the new voting page were mixed. Some users were excited for the opportunity to express their fondness towards various lunches, provided that those lunches are a sandwich. "I'm glad that sandwiches, a comedy staple due to their low-priced nature and assembly so simple that even a writer can construct one, are finally getting their due on Uncyclopedia," said resident criminology term Modusoperandi. Others were not so supportive of the move, and point to recent disturbing trends since the introduction of VFS, the most disturbing being the raiding of the fridge in the Uncyclopedia break room and the subsequent theft of all sandwiches. Well, maybe not all sandwiches, but one specifically marked "gerry's. do not eat." So far no group has claimed responsibility for this act of sandwich-related terrorism. I will find you, you little punk! And when I do, you're making me another sandwich! Comebacks! Only $19.95! Call Now!
Following a month and a half hiatus, resident VFD overlord and prince of pants MrN9000 is alleged to have returned to the wiki. According to reliable sources, MrN was spotted responding to his talk page and maintaining QVFD, among various other tasks. What other things he may do remains to be seen. We do know, however, that he has been welcomed warmly by the community, with Mordillo giving him the brand new nickname "fucker" and various users bestowing an award of reliability on him. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Call Now And Get 2 for the Price Of 1!
Following in MrN's robotically symmetrical footsteps was noted keyboard component SysRq. After many weeks of inactivity, Sys has returned to once again putter the Imperial Colonization ship around Uncyclopedia Harbor. He has described his goals as "re-assimilate as best I can" and "Go to hell, Dex". We would like to welcome both of these users back to the loving Uncyclopedia family, and urge them to GET BACK TO WORK!! Things Brewing In IRC People are yelling at each other, stalking each other, and randomly talking to one another. What I am talking about is, of course, IRC, the highly controversial melting pot of Uncyclopedia, where users of all stands, races, and levels of activity can talk about unimportant issues. It has recently come to our attention that ruthless battles were being fought on the fields of IRC. Our correspondent decided to check things out for himself. He was confronted with gay dinosaurs, Star Wars references and general dickery. Though this one time visit cannot render a clear view of the complex nature of IRC, it might give us a glimpse into the mind of the common IRCer. The dark, mysterious character of IRC remains. |
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You'd think I'd learn that this isn't fun to do... Oh well. Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 19:37, 19 June 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Pee
If you're still around, your review is done. IronLung 02:27, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- Wonderful! Good improvements, hope VFH is a raging successs. IronLung 22:06, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Hey Led!
I'm really bored right now. Have any good ideas on what to do? Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:07, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- ur mum lo0lolololololololololol - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:13, Jun 23
- Damn. Walked right into that one.... Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:19, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- Sort of like how I walked right into UR MUM LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Jun 23
- Damn. Looks like you got me good twice there. I'll just walk away without leaving myself open for another attack now... Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 20:39, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- There are at least three your mom jokes in there, but I'll let them pass by out of respect for you and your mom. Stuffs to do? Read/vote on VFH, write an article, compose me a tune of yearning, burn down a neighbor's house? All are good options. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:16, Jun 23
- I'm in an unfunny mood right now, which means I shouldn't write or vote right now. You ever get in those moods when everything isn't funny? Work has sapped me of funny today. I guess I could compose a tune, but, as you've waited until now that I'm about to go home from work, I'm not as bored. I guess I only have one option then. Sorry Grandma... Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:26, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- Just keep reminding yourself of every bad thing the occupant(s) have ever done, add all the bad things they've probably done that you don't know about, and multiply by all the bad things you know they'll do in the future. Now you see that it would be more a crime not to burn down their house, no? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:56, Jun 23
- So, and I will let you know now that I am being completely serious, my next door neighbor (grandmother) is actually a bonafide Catholic Nun. And she's like the nicest lady in the world. Those two aspects usually don't match up, but it's true. So I would probably feel terrible for burning her house down unfortunately. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:11, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- What, you don't have other neighbors? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:21, Jun 23
- Nah. I live away from them big cities ya'll big city slickers got. Nor do I live in the suburbs. I guess you could say I'm on a farm, but it isn't really. Regardless, it's kind of just my aunts and uncles that live around me. We aren't completely deserted or anything, but it is pretty quiet. I actually quite like it. I go to college in Baltimore though, so it's a bit of a change. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:29, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- You're really not making this easy for me. I guess you could go flick matches at an anthill or something. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:39, Jun 23
- Nah, the local anteaters take care of all the ants for us. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)
- DAMN YOU WOODYYYYYYY! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:58, Jun 23
- DAMN YOU WOODYYYYYYY! - T.L.B.
- Nah, the local anteaters take care of all the ants for us. Woody On Fire!
- You're really not making this easy for me. I guess you could go flick matches at an anthill or something. - T.L.B.
- Nah. I live away from them big cities ya'll big city slickers got. Nor do I live in the suburbs. I guess you could say I'm on a farm, but it isn't really. Regardless, it's kind of just my aunts and uncles that live around me. We aren't completely deserted or anything, but it is pretty quiet. I actually quite like it. I go to college in Baltimore though, so it's a bit of a change. Woody On Fire!
- What, you don't have other neighbors? - T.L.B.
- So, and I will let you know now that I am being completely serious, my next door neighbor (grandmother) is actually a bonafide Catholic Nun. And she's like the nicest lady in the world. Those two aspects usually don't match up, but it's true. So I would probably feel terrible for burning her house down unfortunately. Woody On Fire!
- Just keep reminding yourself of every bad thing the occupant(s) have ever done, add all the bad things they've probably done that you don't know about, and multiply by all the bad things you know they'll do in the future. Now you see that it would be more a crime not to burn down their house, no? - T.L.B.
- I'm in an unfunny mood right now, which means I shouldn't write or vote right now. You ever get in those moods when everything isn't funny? Work has sapped me of funny today. I guess I could compose a tune, but, as you've waited until now that I'm about to go home from work, I'm not as bored. I guess I only have one option then. Sorry Grandma... Woody On Fire!
- There are at least three your mom jokes in there, but I'll let them pass by out of respect for you and your mom. Stuffs to do? Read/vote on VFH, write an article, compose me a tune of yearning, burn down a neighbor's house? All are good options. - T.L.B.
- Damn. Looks like you got me good twice there. I'll just walk away without leaving myself open for another attack now... Woody On Fire!
- Sort of like how I walked right into UR MUM LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL - T.L.B.
- Damn. Walked right into that one.... Woody On Fire!
[edit] The Bat-Signal!
(shoots his bat-grapple and swings away)
Not much, I'm just getting used to things here. And thanks for the compliment on my name.
Check out my page if you've ever heard of the show Animaniacs.—The preceding unsigned comment was added by HolyUncyclopediaAccountBatman! (talk • contribs)
- You're welcome mate, good luck with your page. Oh, and if you ever need comedic inspiration, check HTBFANJS--it's the shit. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:15, Jun 24
[edit] Noob candidate
Hey there little guy, wanna adopt me? --El Cheeso 07:10, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
- Sure, consider yourself adopted. You can put {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} on your userpage if you like. Just drop me a line right here on my talk page if you have any questions. Cheers, - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Jun 26
[edit] WHAT!?
No news page on Wacko Ex-Jacko? p.s. Yes I'm on this site--McWooty The Evil One FBu 11:51, 26 June 2009 (UTC)
- Ummm... there are at least 4 of them. Check the UnNews main page. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:32, Jun 26
- There weren't any when I posted that message NINE HOURS BEFORE YOU REPLIED!--McWooty The Evil One FBu 12:48, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
- Not true. In fact, the earliest one was posted about 12 hours before your comment. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:38, Jun 27
- Not true. In fact, the earliest one was posted about 12 hours before your comment. CHECK AND MATE. - T.L.B.
- There weren't any when I posted that message NINE HOURS BEFORE YOU REPLIED!--McWooty The Evil One FBu 12:48, 27 June 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Unsignpost! June 25th or 30th
All your readers are belong to us
June 25th, 2009 • Issue 53 • The newspaper that steals other newspapers' lunch money
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Users Campaign to Delete Vast Portions of Uncyclopedia Several users have recently begun campaigns to rid Uncyclopedia of some of its oldest, cruftiest, stalest content, or so they would have you believe. We at the UnSignpost aren't here to report anything other than the facts, including but not limited to: opinions, speculation, and pictures of cats with funny captions. First on the chopping block was the Timeline series. This group of articles apparently chronicles the made-up version of history as recorded by people who aren't very funny. Dr. Skullthumper has taken the lead in the crusade against this unholy document, and reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users supported the good doctor, while others appreciated his sentiment but enjoyed the crisp, fresh smell of proper procedure much better. Noted deletionist Gwax made an appearance in order to streamline the effort to remove all of the unfunniness from the timeline, and he has been joined by several other users seeking to improve rather than delete the entire project. Next in line for the guillotine was Uncyclopedia's longest-running and only soap opera, The Young and the Uncyclopedians. At the head of this movement is prominent murderous amphibian Thekillerfroggy, who made such bold claims as "Vanity, sir!" and "Words words words!" As this project is not merely a page but an entire slew of pages, it was rejected by the Uncyclopedia Deletion Tribunal, but further actions may be in the works. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" Usefulness of IP Contributions Called Into Question...Again The question of whether or not we should allow IPs to edit our precious humor wiki has been raised yet again, this time by plucky Der Unwehr founder Guildensternenstein. UnSignpost reporters were baffled by the concept of what an IP was, until it was explained that it is some sort of automatic vandalism robot designed to troll websites, post vanity, and ensure all articles make the proper amount of references to Chuck Norris. The debate raged fiercely, with many users falling on either side of the so-called "IP line". One camp decided that the contributions from these entities did more harm than good to the community and its collection of humor. The opposing faction took up the opposite view: that IP editors were harmless and at worst an annoyance. Modusoperandi, the lead counsel for the IP defense team, made several compelling arguments, most notably the case that IPs are adorable and thus harmless. In the end, it was decided that IP editing is something we must live with, mostly because Conservapedia doesn't allow it, and we don't want to be any more like them than we already are. When reached for comment about the situation, Uncyclopedia founder Chronarion responded, "AAAAAAAA!!!!" |
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We're not late you're just high! Orian57 Talk
14:10 30 June 2009
[edit] Question
Thanks for the welcome. I'll punish your good deed by picking you to ask a question. I'm trying to figure out where to get an attack page deleted, but I have to admit I can't figure out where I'm supposed to do that. Be gentle, I'm from Wikipedia, I'm not very smart.
The page in question is User:StarM, which is an impersonation account of enwiki admin StarMississippi, and a fake user page created by a dissatisfied troll on Wikipedia.
This page appears to be stupid, not funny, so I assume that's a deletion criterion around here? Also, I assume this is different than ED, and you don't tolerate stupid but unfunny people, so you might want to block/ban User:StarM, User:Kdpsssps, and User:Kdpssps. I think it's all pretty obvious, but I can provide more info from Wikipedia if it helps. Hopefully there aren't more complicated hoops to jump thru for this?
Anyway, thanks for any help you can provide. --Floquenbeam 02:30, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
- You rock. I like the lack of bureaucracy around here; refreshing. Thanks. --Floquenbeam 02:49, 1 July 2009 (UTC)
- Hey mate, no problem. If you find more stuff like that, check out QVFD for reporting vanity/cyberbullying pages and UN:BP for reporting vandals. Cheers, - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:52, Jul 1
- Hey mate, no problem. If you find more stuff like that, check out QVFD for reporting vanity/cyberbullying pages and UN:BP for reporting vandals. Cheers, - T.L.B.
[edit] UnSignpost: July 2nd, 2009
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
July 2nd, 2009 • Issue 54 • The newspaper with the name that's an anagram of "stop using n"
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The Young and The Uncyclopedians Cancelled After enjoying a long-running career and several writer changes, Uncyclopedia's fabled soap opera The Young and the Uncyclopedians was cancelled this week. And by "cancelled" we mean totally owned by Thekillerfroggy. It seems TKF finally had enough, and spent nearly an hour systematically deleting the entire series, which previously contained over 60% of all content in the UnScripts namespace. The newly freed electrons, no longer required for TYATU, can now be used for other Uncyclopedia-related tasks, such as boron smelting, and they may even be used to form a sort of crude bot that can edit The count to a million project automatically. Not content with merely obliterating the entire series, Thekillerfroggy apparently became bored halfway through his holy crusade, and decided to get creative in the deletion summaries. As can be seen in a memorial erected by what is presumed to be a jilted fan of the show, TKF nostalgized and ranted, remembered and forgot, loved and lost, all while expressing his inner thoughts through the medium of deletion summaries. An example can be seen at the very end of his effort, where Thekillerfroggy writes: "Sigh./Well here's the home stretch/It's been real/We've had some good times/some bad times/But in the end/All we are is dust in the wind/So goodnight, sweet prince/Farewell TYATU/Fin." Reactions on the wiki were, as usual, mixed. Some users held a candlelight vigil in userspace, where some of the episodes have been resurrected in a zombie-like form. Entertainment editor DogNewspaper (pictured) wagged his tail, perhaps expressing hope that one day a new soap opera, sitcom, or crime investigation show featuring Uncyclopedia editors would once again grace this site. We can only dream... Main Page Suffers Spasms of Dickery If you logged onto the Main Page sometime on July 2nd between 2:00 and 3:00 GMT (and if you can't figure out what time that is where you live, then don't expect us to provide it for you, we're not a bloody watch!), you may have noticed some subtle changes. Instead of the usual Wikipedia-like format, with carefully organized features, news stories, anniversaries, and vital information, you may or may not have found...something else. You may or may not have found an intruiging offer to reffer freinds to take some sort of mp3-player related actions. You may or may not have found some sort of story with a vague theme of respecting one's elders, and everything about those elders, and we do mean everything. You may or may not have found some sort of strange mix of the two that left you with conflicting feelings. These feelings may or may not have included, but not been limited to: fear, anger, jealousy, confusion, fear again, and a vague sensation of falling. The admins responsible for this will not be named here, due to their next probable course of action in the case in which we did mention them, which would most likely be something along the lines of turning every UnSignpost issue into a Euroipod, whatever that is. The only thing we can report on is that the shenanigans ended just over an hour after they began, with the Main Page being restored to its previous false information-rich state. However, this episode shows us that it will never be safe from the hijinks of that group of admins, who, again, will not be named. |
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[edit] Thanks
[edit] UnSignpost 9th July 2009
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
July 9th, 2009 • Issue 55• Help! I'm trapped in a newspaper printer!
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Survivor returns to Uncyclopedia after almost two years
In late 2007, a man by the name of Leoispotter had the idea to bring his favorite reality show to Uncyclopedia. Thus, the first season of UnSurvivor was created. After five thrilling rounds of voting, Mr. Briggs Inc. managed to win against the other finalist, Thekillerfroggy, by a mere two votes. Flash forward almost two years. Kingkitty, a competitor in the first UnSurvivor, decides it's time for another go-around, and season 2 is born. In an exclusive interview with Mr. Kitty, he had this to say: "Well, I was bored ("and crazy", says one passing by civilian) and I thought: 'perhaps the community could do something fun, and stop with all this writing bullshit.'" When later asked what he thought about this current season, he said, "It's showing to be bigger and better than last season, with more betrayals, more violence, more whining, and more betrayals. Lots of betrayals. Mostly of me." Currently, UnSurvivor Season 2 is in its final round of voting, where the voted-off members of the game get to vote on the finalist they want to win. The finalists this season are: after last seasons defeat, Thekillerfroggy, and newcomers to the show, THEDUDEMAN and An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. Voting is set to take place over 72 hours instead of the usual 24, and the winner will be announced sometime Friday July 10th. After this, according to Mr. Kitty, there "probably" will be a season 3, and it will be bigger and better than anything ever before.
Uncyclopedians pay crass tasteless tribute to Michael Jackson Michael Jackson, the legendary King of Pop, touched many lives, and the news of his untimely demise has left a deep void in the lives of his millions of fans and victims. Fans all over Uncyclopedia, stricken by grief, flocked by the dozens to mourn their departed hero in the only way they knew how: through the medium of humour. They ranged from perfunctory to crude to mediocre, but each expressed a deeply profound sadness that the weird plastic rapist was no more. (Yeah, "weird plastic rapist". That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Tributes continue to pour in despite the fact that it is no longer funny or clever. With the stage set for a long, protracted battle over his kids and estate, Uncyclopedia expects that unfunny people will continue to get mileage out of this story for many weeks to come. Uncyclopedia admins plan to send a selection of the best "tributes" to the Jackson family, along with the number of a company that recycles plastics. (That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? Ha ha ha.) Editors emerge from woodwork, contribute to UnSignpost This week, when UnSignpost Active Editor Gerrycheevers brought up the Uncyclopedia page containing the currently in-progress UnSignpost, he suffered a minor heart attack upon finding that two stories had already been added to the paper. It seems both An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and THEDUDEMAN, both newly given the title "Consulting Editor", took exception to being named "Consulting Editor" and took it upon themselves to blanket the UnSignpost with awesomeness. Unsignpost Payroll Manager DogNewspaper (pictured) bared his teeth at this development, indicating his frustration at having to re-issue new timecards to both editors. Gerrycheevers is expected to make a full recovery; flowers can be sent to the Uncyclopedia Infirmary and Shooting Range. |
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[edit] I have the final tally for Uncyc Survivor
Alright then, for the tally I did on #uncyclopedia, people in the first spot get +1 vote, people in the middle get 0 vote, and people in the third spot get -1 vote.
Final Tally (if you haven't gotten it already)
TheDudeMan: 5-TDM got 5 fave votes, 3 neutral, and 0 hate votes, so he has five straight off.
ApeOnThursdays: -3-Ape got 1 fave vote, 3 neutral votes, and four hate votes. Thereby, his final tally is -3.
TheKillerFroggy: -2-TKF got 2 fave votes, 2 neutral, and four hate votes. His final tally is -2.
Thereby, TheDudeMan wins. Give him the template and his money, plus the get out of jail free card post-haste. And while you're at it, ban Ape and TKF for being votes out of Survivor. S-984 14:31, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost: July 16nd, 2009
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
July 16th, 2009 • Issue 56 • This is a Pathetic Joke
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User Return Causes Widespread Panic This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in). The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays. Flood of Crap Nearly Overflows VFD For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD. Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles. Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!" Orian57 On Fire Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot". This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future. |
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[edit] Joke...God!
The forum you just deleted was just an imitation flame war for humor purposes only! Restore it! But you have your reasons....-
- I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:32, Jul 20
- Dammit! It's "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that". Dam kids these days. They show no fear. MrN
03:41, Jul 20
- I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't show fear. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:47, Jul 20
- I'll go with the personal favorite, "I don't think so Tim." Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:49, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
- I'll go with the personal favorite, "I don't think so Tim." Woody On Fire!
- I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't show fear. - T.L.B.
- Dammit! It's "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that". Dam kids these days. They show no fear. MrN
[edit] Thought you could use something to cheer you up
THANK YOU! In appreciation for tolerating me when PMSing I wish to thank you by handing you this lovely sample of potted cactus erectus, found in my backyard. For your enjoyment and pleasure. Love and respect ~ |
[edit] UnSignpost: July 23rd, 2009
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
July 23rd, 2009 • Issue 57 • The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
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Uncyclopedia Users Form Fantasy Football League This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums. Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother. Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state." "I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day. Village Dump Suffers From Rash of Inactivity In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time. Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity. In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen. |
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[edit] Hey...
This guy seems to be this guy who you banned. You should probably ban him, too, or something. Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 02:27, 29 July 2009 (UTC)
- Also, this IP, as well. And I would use UN:BP if I knew why you blocked the guy in the first place, but I don't.
PlebKUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 02:35, 29 July 2009 (UTC)- He's User:Tinkywinkyisgay, among other permabanned sockpuppets. He also was fucking around with the move button, and removing talkpage comments. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:55, Jul 29
- Oh... I remember that guy. He sucked. Had I know that I would've just BP'd him.
PlebKUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 03:05, 29 July 2009 (UTC)- Yeah, the guy really can't take the hint that he needs to gtfo. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:07, Jul 29
- Yeah, the guy really can't take the hint that he needs to gtfo. - T.L.B.
- Oh... I remember that guy. He sucked. Had I know that I would've just BP'd him.
- He's User:Tinkywinkyisgay, among other permabanned sockpuppets. He also was fucking around with the move button, and removing talkpage comments. - T.L.B.
[edit] Fable help
Hey man, I'm a noob you adopted ages ago.
I wrote an article, wondering if maby you you could give us a bit of a hand? Mmm? A little handy hoo?. It does need alot of work. I requested a review but all they really said was that it sucked, get some help. The article is Fable. (please don't delete it on site.) --El Cheeso 11:49, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
- Sure, I'd be glad to help. Just gimme a little bit, I'm off to tennis in about 10 minutes. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 12:54, Jul 30
- Alright, let's chiggity check this out. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:02, Jul 30
- Ok, I'll type here while I read stuff. First thing I see wrong: gargantuas is not a word, in this language or any other. Gargantuan is the one you're looking for, right? Otherwise, intro looks fine, going after the fact that the game is basically hours of fanservice. I don't really know anything about Fable, so excuse me if I seem uninformed. Didn't really like that bit about the beginning of the storyline, as it struck me as sort of random, though I liked the bit about the guild thing. Explains what it is and mocks it in one go, which is good for people like me who've never played this game. The rest of the section seems fine, too, and the ones after it. Except the last two. I'm ambivalent about the characters thing; keep it if you're attached to it, but the 'fable the lost genitals' really needs to go. Other than those things, you honestly have a pretty good article here man. Good luck. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:25, Jul 30
- Ok, I'll type here while I read stuff. First thing I see wrong: gargantuas is not a word, in this language or any other. Gargantuan is the one you're looking for, right? Otherwise, intro looks fine, going after the fact that the game is basically hours of fanservice. I don't really know anything about Fable, so excuse me if I seem uninformed. Didn't really like that bit about the beginning of the storyline, as it struck me as sort of random, though I liked the bit about the guild thing. Explains what it is and mocks it in one go, which is good for people like me who've never played this game. The rest of the section seems fine, too, and the ones after it. Except the last two. I'm ambivalent about the characters thing; keep it if you're attached to it, but the 'fable the lost genitals' really needs to go. Other than those things, you honestly have a pretty good article here man. Good luck. - T.L.B.
- Alright, let's chiggity check this out. - T.L.B.
[edit] Award from UN:REQ
| This user created 667:Neighbor of the Beast, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for (for more information, see award statistics) |
MadMax 20:59, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
- Woohoo! I'm the shit! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:00, Jul 30
[edit] Thank you.
Thanks for the greeting.
--MyGodWaffles 22:21, 1 August 2009 (UTC)
- No problem mate. Happy editing! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:11, Aug 2
[edit] something
greetings, recently active admin. i noticed that Forum:Protecting Featured Articles? is listed in UN:BEST due to the FA template appearing during the discussion. is there a way to amend this without editing that forum and bumping it? 16:22, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Probably not, but I'll see what I can do. Thanks Gerry. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:25, Aug 3
- Yeah, couldn't do it with admin magic, so I guess I'll just edit and protect. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:33, Aug 3
- cool. thank you, sir. gearing up for hockey season? (i know it's early but i'm anxious as usual). 17:54, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yep, I've started playing a couple times a week, on friday mornings and wednesday nights. The wednesday things are this summer league thing I got into in which our team is probably the worst one--last game we lost 12-2, though we did win our first game. Friday mornings are captain's practices, which amount to a 5-on-5 scrimmage. My younger brother's gonna be a freshman next year, so I've been bringing him along to those, too. In all, I'm psyched--last year we made it to the state semis for our division, in the Harvard rink, and now we've gotta do even better. Fingers crossed for making it to the garden, right? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:00, Aug 3
- playing in the garden would be ballin'. i wish i didn't suck at sports in high school, and i wish i learned how to skate properly before the age of 20. 18:06, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, I'm lucky in that I've got parents who got me on the ice when I was really little. I can still sort of remember skating on the pond near my house when I was like 6. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:32, Aug 3
- Yeah, I'm lucky in that I've got parents who got me on the ice when I was really little. I can still sort of remember skating on the pond near my house when I was like 6. - T.L.B.
- playing in the garden would be ballin'. i wish i didn't suck at sports in high school, and i wish i learned how to skate properly before the age of 20. 18:06, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yep, I've started playing a couple times a week, on friday mornings and wednesday nights. The wednesday things are this summer league thing I got into in which our team is probably the worst one--last game we lost 12-2, though we did win our first game. Friday mornings are captain's practices, which amount to a 5-on-5 scrimmage. My younger brother's gonna be a freshman next year, so I've been bringing him along to those, too. In all, I'm psyched--last year we made it to the state semis for our division, in the Harvard rink, and now we've gotta do even better. Fingers crossed for making it to the garden, right? - T.L.B.
- cool. thank you, sir. gearing up for hockey season? (i know it's early but i'm anxious as usual). 17:54, 3 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, couldn't do it with admin magic, so I guess I'll just edit and protect. - T.L.B.
[edit] UnSignpost: July 30th, 2009
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
July 30th, 2009• Issue 58• Now Delivered Trendily Late!
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Uncyclopedia Users Alter Time Itself This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks. Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating. The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKF exclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else. Uncyclopedia Editors Conflicted Over Story Topic Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark). As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajek returns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you. |
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[edit] hey
Pentium5dot1 wants to know about the math section at Uncyclopedia talk:Requested Articles#Math section. Can you answer? --Docile hippopotamus 08:59, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
- Uhh, ok... - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 09:02, Aug 5
- Jeez, anyone could've answered that question. You people worry too much. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 09:04, Aug 5
- I worry sometimes that I don't worry enough. Please help. --UU - natter
15:18, Aug 5
- You know, I occasionally worry that myself. But I have a pretty short attention span, so usually I forget after a few minutes. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 15:44, Aug 5
- You know, I occasionally worry that myself. But I have a pretty short attention span, so usually I forget after a few minutes. - T.L.B.
- I worry sometimes that I don't worry enough. Please help. --UU - natter
- Jeez, anyone could've answered that question. You people worry too much. - T.L.B.
[edit] Thanks!
—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:57, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Possible Sockpuppetry
Here (I would have told an admin on IRC, but there wasn't any there). --Mn-z 05:19, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] System Shock Huffage
Hi TLB, I'm considering doing a new version of System Shock and when I started to edit I was informed that the original was huffed 8 months ago. Is there any chance I could see the original to see if there is anything worth salvaging? Or is it gone forever? I'm a huge fan of the game so I'd be able to see any decent material in there.
I do plan on making this version accessible for people who haven't played it, but I'm catering first and foremost for fans of the game. Cheers--El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 19:33, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
- Here you go. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:25, Aug 8
- Oh Sweet Jesus my eyes, please take that far away. Far, far away. That's not what a System Shock article should look like. Not by a long shot. Thanks anyway though :) --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 21:06, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
(Block log); 21:52 . . TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.230.79.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Violating UN:VAIN and admitting to being 14 years old.)
Weren't you like 13 or 14 when you began editting here? Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 21:54, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yup, and I kept my damn mouth shut about it! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:00, Aug 9
[edit] UnSignpost! August 9th, 2009!! WE BE LATE, Y'ALL!!!
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
August 6th, 2009 • Issue 59 • Painfully Extracting Nuggets of Truth from the Teeth of the News!
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Uncyclopedia Triples Ad Revenue; Users Line Up For Paychecks This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor. However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behind Olipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day. A Hell of a Time at the Village Dump
Recently in the forums, BHOP's activity has arguably skyrocketed. An IP has started a new rhyming craze, and the cheesy, crunchy snack food CheddarBBQ has revived many topics that were getting rather aged, such as Fantasy Football, a Shakira-esque topic, and even his own birthday's topic. Back on BHOP, fruity user Neox's random storytelling and serious user YouKnowWhatTheMusicMeans' serious, dramatic storytelling have made Forum:Who HATES MochiAds? 2's story a complete, random mess. Also, Optimuschris and Modusoperandi have been having one hell of a time discussing the much-anticipated failing of the new G.I. Joe movie. Finally, users have a had a heated battle over whether to ban the Abstain feature on VFH, which is ending up as off-topic and random as an episode of Lost. Are there any cool discussions going on? That's the forum news in your area, now here's Mr. G with the weather, only on |
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Hand delivered by Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 21:16, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Minimum Age on Uncyclopedia
Looking at the ban patrol log, it appears that you blocked an ip user for being 14 years old, among other things. (Of course, that might have been a joke reason.) Anyway, what is the minimum age for users on uncyclopedia? I believe the wiki Terms of Service sets a minimum age of 13, and Mordillo appeared rather unhappy that one time I accidentally got a 12 year old banned by Sannse. --Mn-z 06:45, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- As far as I'm concerned, there isn't one. I was, as I often do around here, joking. If you look way back in my ban logs, I'm pretty sure I've banned a couple people for things like "liking the Jonas brothers," and other stuff probable. I just like putting dumb crap in my ban reasons. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:21, Aug 11
- k --Mn-z 17:13, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Also, Led was, like, 9 when he started editing here. And gay. And a dummy. And he ate reese's pieces instead of peanut butter M&Ms. Hence, the dummy part. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:20, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Also, Led was, like, 9 when he started editing here. And gay. And a dummy. And he ate reese's pieces instead of peanut butter M&Ms. Hence, the dummy part. Woody On Fire!
- k --Mn-z 17:13, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Don't laugh but...
Hey man, couldn't keep this in: you apparently missed my point. Not going to start an argument with you, just making sure you got it. What if you have an article that has, say, ten votes for, is an OK article, and you don't laugh at it? Vote against? Come on. I repeat, not to argue, just making sure I made myself clear. My aim with the forum was to try to reduce bitchiness on the site, nothing else. And sorry to bring this up any more. -- Sir or Dame... Uh...
PLEASE HELP!! 10:19, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- If I didn't find the article funny, I would vote against it. Simple as that. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:04, Aug 11
- That's why no one votes for Leddy on anything. No one finds him funny. EVER!
- NEENER NEENER, LEDDY'S A WEINER.
- NINKER NINKER, HE'S ALSO A STINKER! Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:10, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- NUH UH I DON'T STINK YOU STINK! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:18, Aug 11
- TheLedBalloon is an admin. All admins smell like rotten fish. Therefore, TheLedBalloon smells like rotten fish.
- Also, All rotten fish stinks. TheLedBalloon smells like rotten fish. Therefore, TheLedBalloon stinks.
- Also, Also, he is a weiner. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:24, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:28, Aug 11
- Baa Baa Black Sheep, have you any wool?
- No! Because User:TheLedBalloon stole it because he smells and no one likes him and he's a big, poopy-faced, "Big Bad Beetle Borgs" loving, asshole who has a stupid name and a stupid face. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:41, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- What's that? I see your lips moving but all I hear is "I, WOODY, AM A BIG DUMB DOODOO HEAD!" - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 16:50, Aug 11
- You can see my lips moving? Over the internet? You crazed, "VR Troopers" watching, lice-headed stalker! Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 16:56, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- I can see FOREVER! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:27, Aug 11
- But can you see the future of forever? Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:29, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Sometimes, but only if I'm really, really high. And I usually forget it those times, anyway. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:46, Aug 11
- Then you're a fake! Ya big ole' faker! Why don't you go hang out with Holden? Or maybe Elaine from Seinfeld? Or Paris Hilton? You big, good for nothin', bandwagon fan loving, applesauce eating, PHONEY! Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:49, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- BUT WHO WAS PHONEY??? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:54, Aug 11
- Everyone Holden was hanging out with. You could be Stradlatter if you want, I guess. I dunno. Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 18:18, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- Nah, he was kind of a homo. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:50, Aug 11
- ............[1] Woody On Fire!
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 19:11, 11 August 2009 (UTC)
- ........................[2] - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:44, Aug 11
- ........................[2] - T.L.B.
- ............[1] Woody On Fire!
- Nah, he was kind of a homo. - T.L.B.
- Everyone Holden was hanging out with. You could be Stradlatter if you want, I guess. I dunno. Woody On Fire!
- BUT WHO WAS PHONEY??? - T.L.B.
- Then you're a fake! Ya big ole' faker! Why don't you go hang out with Holden? Or maybe Elaine from Seinfeld? Or Paris Hilton? You big, good for nothin', bandwagon fan loving, applesauce eating, PHONEY! Woody On Fire!
- Sometimes, but only if I'm really, really high. And I usually forget it those times, anyway. - T.L.B.
- But can you see the future of forever? Woody On Fire!
- I can see FOREVER! - T.L.B.
- You can see my lips moving? Over the internet? You crazed, "VR Troopers" watching, lice-headed stalker! Woody On Fire!
- What's that? I see your lips moving but all I hear is "I, WOODY, AM A BIG DUMB DOODOO HEAD!" - T.L.B.
- TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I? - T.L.B.
- NUH UH I DON'T STINK YOU STINK! - T.L.B.
[edit] References
- ↑ This patch of silence was out of respect for your homosexuality, and how you are trying not to come out of the closet. I was trying to be nice. I assume that your patch of silence was meant as a 'thank you' to me for not outing you. You are very welcome.
- ↑ I know, right?
[edit] Thanks
[edit] You have gone officially Insane (Not Bat Fuck Insane, but almost)
You have gone completely insane with your edits. I mean, you're actually vote on VFD, and then you decide to edit a regular article?! That's fucking dangerous! Shame on you, now you have to put this on your page:-Bad Led11344
Cock!
| This article is complete, irredeemable harpsichord. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, shoots at the artery, and is an unfunny dipshit. If you attempt to vote this, you will most suitably vote Bat Fuck Insane yourself. Or the submitter will vote your harpsichord!!!!!! |
- Um...thank you? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:28, Aug 12
[edit] The Foreign Office
Hi TLB, just checking up on whether you're still keen on being a part of this project. Interest is thin on this site (I mean in being an active member of the project, or so it seems - especially from the forum), but a lot of other sites are interested. Fire Wolf has a great idea so that we can all get to know each other and discuss our ideas and plans for the project and perhaps come up with some rules or definitions of how it will work best. He suggests an IRC chat at some point between all the ambassadors and interested parties. Tell me if you're interested, or if you have any alternative ideas --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 20:20, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
- hey mate, I'm editing from an iPod right now because my laptop is fucked up. I dunno how soon I'll be able to help out, so I guess you'll have to do your thing without me for now. Sorry. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:22, Aug 16
- Ok, so I got on my family's desktop which I can't really use that much, but if you want to do some IRC stuff, let me know beforehand and if I can make it I'll log on. Cheers, - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:21, Aug 17
- No problem TLB, thanks for the interest, I don't think the first chat will be for a few days yet, but when it does happen I'll give you plenty of notice. Cheers --El Sid, the lazy one • parlez-vous franglais? 09:19, 17 August 2009 (UTC)
- Ok, so I got on my family's desktop which I can't really use that much, but if you want to do some IRC stuff, let me know beforehand and if I can make it I'll log on. Cheers, - T.L.B.
[edit] Thanks—the remake
Thank you for supporting!
Sir MacMania GUN—[21:05 16 Aug 2009]
[edit] Shh
Don't blow my cover - several people who are in a position to fire me are on the 'book... A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, know what I mean? --UU - natter
11:18, Aug 17
- Got it chief. Mum's the word and such and such. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 15:43, Aug 17
[edit] Saludos Camarada - Greetings Comrade
Excuse me... I guess you're the ambasser for Inciclopedia, aren't you? I want to help with some articles, I'm interested in translate Lluvia de Aviones (Plane's Rain) from spanish to english. If you want to know more go to The FUCKING SHI... Dark Leviathan's page at Inciclopedia. Ask Siddhartha-Wolf, if you don't know.
--The Dark Leviathan 04:16, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Thank you
--Killer 3.14 11:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Master?
Hey, I joined yesterday and was wondering if you would help shelter my lost soul via the quick and almost painless system of adoption? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 11:46, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
- Sure, welcome to the adoption program! If it please ye, ye may put {{adoptee|TheLedBalloon}} on your userpage. Otherwise, feel free to come over to my talkpage with any questions or concerns you may have. Cheers, - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 15:20, Aug 18
- It pleases me much. I will return when I come up with an idea of what to write about, so many things to write about, but can think of how! - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 20:31, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
- That is the trick, isn't it? If you've never seen it, Uncyclopedia:The Creative Process can be a helpful place to check out. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:56, Aug 18/
- Ok, yesterday I did two of two things, I compied a list of Man laws that might make an interesting article --->>Man law<<--- and I re-designed the Uncyclopedia's Foreign Office upon request --->>Uncyc's Foreign Office<<--- Thoughts? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 13:44, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
- Hmmm...like you said, it's an interesting idea, but I don't know how you could turn those entries into an article. Guess that's where your imagination comes in! The foreign office thing looks pretty cool as well. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:10, Aug 20
- Yea, ill keep thinking on that for a few more days, then ill give it up for something else. - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 13:18, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
- Aha, me and Siddhartha-Wolf came up with a few ideas. The one that we are expanding on is the creation of an Unscript that displays the formation of the first 10 man laws. Follow it here : UnScripts:Man_Law_Revision - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 14:17, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
- Hmmm...like you said, it's an interesting idea, but I don't know how you could turn those entries into an article. Guess that's where your imagination comes in! The foreign office thing looks pretty cool as well. - T.L.B.
- Ok, yesterday I did two of two things, I compied a list of Man laws that might make an interesting article --->>Man law<<--- and I re-designed the Uncyclopedia's Foreign Office upon request --->>Uncyc's Foreign Office<<--- Thoughts? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 13:44, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
- That is the trick, isn't it? If you've never seen it, Uncyclopedia:The Creative Process can be a helpful place to check out. - T.L.B.
- It pleases me much. I will return when I come up with an idea of what to write about, so many things to write about, but can think of how! - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 20:31, 18 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost 13th August 2009. It's not late. You are!
The Newspaper that just got hijacked by Woody and Ape. Mwhahahaha!
Date August 13th, 2009 • Issue 60 • Taking the News, Making it Better
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UnSignpost Editor Disappears; UnSignpost Suffers Mysterious Drop in Quality August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy. Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again. In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door." Bastard. Uncyclopedian creates Trivia Bot, ruins everything
EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points. Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent troll invasion of Yahoo! Answers. EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly. New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite |
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[edit] Sarah
You're right, even though you didn't say it, Sarah Palin is hot, with that beehive hairdo that makes her look like a conehead, those freakish eyelashes, that glare, and that fake smile... So hot... Oh, and hi Led! • <23:36 Aug 20, 2009>
- I agree. I would totally tap that if I wasn't so afraid of the way she believes in God and family and country. Values like those that I pretend to believe in but secretly detest burn my skin when I touch them. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:42, Aug 20
- Yeah, go Satan and... whatever the opposite of "family" and "country" are. "Divorce" and "Municipality"? • <0:12 Aug 21, 2009>
- Satan, divorce, and municipality: The true face of liberalism. And you thought all they wanted to do was steal all your money for gay abortion death panels! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:19, Aug 21
- Satan, divorce, and municipality: The true face of liberalism. And you thought all they wanted to do was steal all your money for gay abortion death panels! - T.L.B.
- Yeah, go Satan and... whatever the opposite of "family" and "country" are. "Divorce" and "Municipality"? • <0:12 Aug 21, 2009>
I feel so left out Cajek. So left out. I better go commit suicide, or do something equally horrible like write an article. Staircase 00:21, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- You can only die if you come (sexually and non-sexually) before the Gay Abortion Death Panel for Uncyclopedians, hosted by Chef Boyardee • <3:51 Aug 21, 2009>
- But what if I die before hand. Staircase 03:54, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- Then you'll have a very nice funeral service which your loved ones will attend and honor your memory with heartfelt speeches and beautiful flowers. Also your body will be raped by vagrants. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:15, Aug 21
- Sounds like fun. How much would this procedure cost. Staircase 04:18, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- Eleven dollars and every last shred of your dignity. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:06, Aug 23
- Eleven dollars and every last shred of your dignity. - T.L.B.
- Sounds like fun. How much would this procedure cost. Staircase 04:18, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
- Then you'll have a very nice funeral service which your loved ones will attend and honor your memory with heartfelt speeches and beautiful flowers. Also your body will be raped by vagrants. - T.L.B.
- But what if I die before hand. Staircase 03:54, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Talkpage
Hey I tried to convert my talkpage into somethink like the tillage dump like I have seen some other people do. I tried it on User:Piemuffin/talk. it doesn't seem to be working. Any suggestions for your adoptee? - - - Pie+Muffin = Greatness Barf- + -Observe 02:56, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
- I'm looking at it and I'm not really sure. I changed around some stuff, maybe what I did fixed it. Or maybe not. If the latter, I suggest checking out how Algorithm did his talk page. He designed the village dump originally, so he probably knows his shit. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 13:40, Aug 23
[edit] God and Adam and Eve
It looks like you and I were trying to move the Adam and Eve link in the God article at the same time. Looks like we moved it to a different place, and my edit was after yours. I wasn't trying to do an edit war with you, and if you think the link works better where you had it, please feel free to move it back. Binky The WonderSkull 04:34, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
- I honestly wasn't even paying attention, so ok. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 13:40, Aug 23
[edit] Wikis
See Index.php —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 72.68.36.216 (talk • contribs)
- What is this I don't even - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:33, Aug 23
[edit] UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!
The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.
Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news
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Fantasy Football Draft Finished After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it. |
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[edit] I hope you don't mind if I steal your idea
Once you said: I think there should be a template for the above complaint. Something like, "This article makes fun of real people who have real problems. Sucks to be them!!" We could put it on the articles like terminal disease and suicide.
I hope you don't mind take that idea.--Killer 3.14 21:31, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not sure what you're talking about, so whatever I guess. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:43, Aug 24
THAX!! I'LL MAKE MILLIONS!!!jk--Killer 3.14 21:59, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] I was wondering
Did you make the balloon image in your sig yourself?--Killer 3.14 22:03, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
- Nope. If you click the image and look where it says file history you'll see that I didn't even upload it. Mordillo found it somewhere, I think. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:31, Aug 24
[edit] Custom usertalk link
How do I create a custom usertalk link?
The Dark Archer Was Here 18:36, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not sure I know what you mean... Care to elaborate on that a bit? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:12, Aug 31
Nevermind, sorry about that
The Dark Archer Was Here 19:17, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
- Oh. Alrighty then. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 19:57, Aug 31
[edit] Lawl
Hey Leddy, check this out. I didn't think he'd tell such an obvious lie, but I guess he was just being WP:BOLD. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (vote!) 22:54, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm not surprised; he always struck me as kind of a tool. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:44, Sep 3
[edit] Hey
Sorry if it seemed like I was talking specifically at you. I actually wasn't. Swears. Now do a review. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 03:30, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
- I would, if each one didn't take 45+ minutes. If helping someone out took 10 or 15 minutes, I might do it more often. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:33, Sep 3
[edit] An Award
--Mn-z 18:00, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
- Glad to be of service. And now, I disappear into the night! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:17, Sep 3
[edit] Discordian American Princess
I understand why you huffed it. There was nothing there but a construction box. The funny thing is I was working on it when you huffed it! There's not much there right now but at least more than just a template! :) Dame Pleb Cpt. Miley Spears (talk) 02:46, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
- Uhh...ok? So just copy and paste what you wrote and create the article again. I literally huffed nothing but a tag. Creating an article with nothing but a tag is pretty retarded by the way--don't do that. Imagine if you hit random page and got a page with nothing but a construction template. Kind of a lame result, no? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:50, Sep 5
- Btw, most experienced users create articles in their userspace. That way, you avoid ICU tags, delete happy admins, VFD, random ip edits, et cetera.--Mn-z 05:57, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- But that's not nearly as exciting! Really the reason I wanted to get it up very quickly was because I had Brooke Shields as a Discordian American Princess and wanted it linked in the feature version of the article, and I didn't want the feature article to have a red link.
Except that doesn't make sense because I only used the category in her article not a link to the article. Does that make sense? I don't think so!Really, thanks for your advice! Dame Pleb Cpt. Miley Spears (talk) 06:05, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- But that's not nearly as exciting! Really the reason I wanted to get it up very quickly was because I had Brooke Shields as a Discordian American Princess and wanted it linked in the feature version of the article, and I didn't want the feature article to have a red link.
- Btw, most experienced users create articles in their userspace. That way, you avoid ICU tags, delete happy admins, VFD, random ip edits, et cetera.--Mn-z 05:57, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] But seriously...
Are you going to protect WotY? I don't really think leaving it unprotected is wise. • • • Necropaxx (T) 04:31, Sep 4
- Meh. I'm not worried about it. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:48, Sep 5
- It's not protected? Really? Guess who's going to be the new Writer of the Year! Ha Ha! :P Dame Pleb Cpt. Miley Spears (talk) 06:13, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- The person with the most votes at the end of January? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 12:13, Sep 5
- The person with the most votes at the end of January? - T.L.B.
- It's not protected? Really? Guess who's going to be the new Writer of the Year! Ha Ha! :P Dame Pleb Cpt. Miley Spears (talk) 06:13, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost 4th September
The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.
Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway
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Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is:
Thank you for your time. |
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-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 16:38, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Why did you huff Miley Cyrus?
I notice you huffed Miley Cyrus and Miley Ray Cyrus. These were redirects to Hannah Montana. You might not be aware that Miley Cyrus real name Miley Ray Cyrus is one of the most famous performers in America who stars in Hannah Montana. A lot of visitors here may miss the featured article without these redirects. I just did a Google search for "miley ray cyrus" and got 2,180,000 hits. For "miley cyrus" got 45,000,000. By comparison, "uncyclopedia" got 801,000. We're more likely to get visitors looking for her than for us. Binky The WonderSkull 15:28, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Because Miley Cyrus is a retarded name. What is she, a prostitute Greek God?--
Somebody put the links back. Nevermind. Binky The WonderSkull 15:36, September 5, 2009 (UTC)
- If I huffed it was because it was on QVFD. Frankly, though, anyone that finds uncyc by googling miley Cyrus probably doesn't belong here. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:05, Sep 5
- Oh wait, were you talking about these?
- 22:27, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs | block) huffed "/Miley Cyrus" (content was: '#REDIRECT Hannah Montana' (and the only contributor was 'Binky The WonderSkull')) (view/restore)
- 22:27, September 3, 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs | block) huffed "/Miley Ray Cyrus" (content was: '#REDIRECT Hannah Montana' (and the only contributor was 'Binky The WonderSkull')) (view/restore)
- Because those, if you notice, have a slash in front of them, which makes them pretty much completely useless. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:32, Sep 6
- Because those, if you notice, have a slash in front of them, which makes them pretty much completely useless. - T.L.B.
[edit] I have a question
Of course Brooke Shields was featured a couple days ago, which was cool. But now on the front page where it says "Recently featured," it's not listed. Is there a reason it's not there? Is there something I should have done? Dame Pleb Cpt. Miley Spears (talk) 01:06, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost Randomber -30th
The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized
Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough
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Random Headline
At 6:46 PM, search engines cured an etching. While squibble was vomiting, a cadaver suddenly vomited. A barbecue often cooks steaks rare and fingers well-done. Oprah Winfrey writes harpsichord! Priest shoots a mouse! TEDDY BEARS HYPERINFLATION! At long last, unicorn shoots chainsaws! Did the teacher vote...
In a nutshell, 0 -1 rocket-propelled rough ion-flamethrower Fijian +1 broadswords uprising 8 Catholic Gabrielino uterus a boat war documents better suffering from YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! I AM GOING TO RAPE YOU! Tourette's Nintendoroulez Oof! ∞ veni, vidi, vici. haxor!11!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane
Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! spear. trichloromethane. |
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UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | |||||
At long last, please think of the gold medal harpsichords! 01:33, 7 September 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Drop Elk
Mr. TheLedBalloon,
If you don't mind me asking, why did you huff the article about Drop elks? If it is not up to Uncyclopedia standards, will you give the users the time to fix it to do so? Sincerely, 128.239.42.243 08:37, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
- Actually, looking at it now, aside from being a tad short it's not too bad at all. Someone put it on QVFD and I probably wasn't paying much attention. Here, I'll bring it back for you: Drop elk. Cheers, - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 15:08, Sep 7
- Thank you. Sincerely, 128.239.42.243 17:11, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Ha!
You're about to go to school! Also, I gotta go to school, now. Bye. Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 11:06, September 9, 2009 (UTC)
- Not only am I about to, but I have indeed been to school. Twice. Top that. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 22:25, Sep 9
[edit] Crisis
As I'm sure you're well aware, voting at VFH and the like is low. Could we put the Rock the Vote template (or whichever one it is) on the Main Page? • • • Necropaxx (T) 03:30, Sep 10
- Sure, there ya go. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 10:59, Sep 10
[edit] Attention Colonizers!
The brief era of peace we've been enjoying has once again been shattered by the IP horde. And since those pot smoking, tree hugging liberal faggots repealed the draft the IC forces are stuck with the likes of you. You are therefore ordered to report to the front lines at once for briefing. Once we have decided our plan of attack, we'll march into battle post haste. You're dismissed TheLedBalloon. -OptyC Sucks!
CUN20:31, 11 Sep
[edit] Um...
Might I ask why you huffed the "Dude, What Would Happen" forum thread I started? The deletion log said "the cancer that is killing /uncyclopedia/" or something like that. What did you mean by that? Also, I looked at the template at the top of this talk page. Am I "[Being] a Dick"? I'm trying my best not to be, as I really want an answer from you. Neoxor something like that 19:16, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
- You're being the biggest dick I've ever seen, Neox. I mean that as a complement, though. By the way, what's your opinion of anal?
PlebKUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 19:20, September 20, 2009 (UTC)- While we're on the topic of being dicks, could you please be more specific on your "compliment"? Like, does it regard the forum threads I create or something like that? Neoxor something like that 19:34, September 20, 2009 (UTC)
- I huffed it because it was kind of dumb. While I tolerate a fair degree of dumbness, that forum seemed to me to be, as the saying goes, too much of a dumb thing, so I huffed it. Also, you're not being a dick, but I probably am. C'est la vie. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 18:57, Sep 21
[edit] UnSignpost September 10/17
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
Date September 17th, 2009 • Issue 64 • Consistently Declining Readership Since 2008!
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Uncyclopedians Continue Hostile Takeover of Wikimedia
This week, noted user Electrified mocha chinchilla got a short but somewhat hostile reply from the lackluster Wikimedia Foundation. After telling truths to the company such as taking control over Wikipedia and how Uncyclopedia is 104% fact, a Wikipedia Foundation employee under the subtle disguise "Philippe XXXXXX" replied in a manner that was both honorable and robust. Confounded by the foundation's kindness, e|m|c quickly replied with a rebuttal seeming more like a terrorist threat like a thank-you note. Even though Uncyclopedia has not managed to even get off Wikia's back, some users have a bright, world domination-esque outlook to the future. UFFL Update Week One of the UFFL season was full of thrills, spills, birth control pills, and shitty rhymes. The John Curry All-Stars bested The Oklahoma City Storm 93.08 – 74.54 after a sub-par performance from offensive giants Larry Fitzgerald and Michael Turner on the Storm side, not to mention the controversial decision to sit starting quarterback and country singer enthusiast Tony Romo. The appropriately-named Dudes edged Cheddar’s Doritians 98.42 – 96.06, despite the fact that Dudes manager Frank Zappa was high the entirety of the game. Injuries to key Doritian players Donovan McNabb and LaDainian Tomlinson made the loss extra-hard to swallow. The not-so-domestic Domestic Team Name blew out DiBiase’s Millions 112.82 – 67.16—a loss which caused Millions’ manager Woody Onfire to question the not-sucking-ness of his team publicly. Finally, Sternensteinenstine annihilated the ironically-named Winnerz 123.92 – 0.00 after Winnerz manager Al Davis forgot to edit his team’s starting roster for the week. The lop-sided German victory was aided by a career day from Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees and round-the-clock Luftwaffe air cover in conjunction with concentrated armored thrusts at the enemy’s flanks. Lead Editor Returns to UnSignpost Office, Demands to Know Whereabouts of Bundt Cake This week Active Lead UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers stumbled back onto the Uncyclopedia scene amid much celebration and hooplah. While settling down to his usual routine of getting UnSignpost issues polished off stylishly late, he noticed that his office at the UnSignpost wing of Uncyclopedia had been raided, and his delicious bundt cake had been mercilessly stolen. Gerry immediately declared a halt to the UnSignpost presses, which involved Sockpuppet of an unregistered user using several pints of holy water and a rubber chicken, in order to plea for the safe return of his tasty cake. Please, mystery pastry thief, don't leave Mr. Cheevers cakeless and hungry! |
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This would've gotten here last week, but it's my firs week as paperboy and I got lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:32, September 22, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost: September 24th, 2009
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
September 24th, 2009 • Issue 65 • The Newspaper that Oscar Wilde Might Read Were He Still Among the Living
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UnSignpost Subscriber List Trimmed; Remaining Subscribers Urged to Archive Issues, Settle Outstanding Bills, Refrain from Tipping Paperbots This week, the hideously long UnSignpost subscription list was hacked down even further than The Woodburninator and others apparently hacked it down several months ago. This has resulted in a mass decline in the number of useless edits performed by paperbots and brave, bored souls who have nothing better to do than manually edit dozens of userpages on a weekly basis. The dregs that were cast off included those who have not registered an edit in six months, those who are permanently banned or close to it, and those with large, scary dogs that prevent paperbots from completing their routes unchewed. The remaining faithful readers are asked to archive their talk pages if they are excessively long due to many hilarious editions of the UnSignpost, as paperbots are slowed down by the large load times of such pages, and paper-delivering users are likely to be distracted by uproarious back issues. Subscribers are also reminded that the monthly fee for talkpage delivery is seven Uncyclopedia credits. Extremely outdated Uncyclopedia currency, such as Yoinxx, will be subject to exceedingly unfair conversion rates. On a final note, readers are implored to avoid tipping paperbots, as it seems any sort of regular income tends to give robots inklings of sentience, and the last thing we need is Fnoodle organizing the paperbots into a rudimentary union again. UFFL Update It was another exciting week of UFFL action this past Sunday, with 75% of the league’s games qualifying as “blowouts.” Sternensteinenstine bested DiBiase’s Millions 161.54 to 78.94, with the one-two Nazi punch of Drew Brees and Chris Johnson outscoring their helpless opponents alone. The John Curry All Stars had similar success with the Philip Rivers-Marques Colston-Frank Gore combination, and knocked out Cheddar’s Doritians 123.74 to 71.64 in the fourth round. The bout between Domestic Team Name and Oklahoma City Storm went the distance, with Domestic “Team” Name coming away with the split decision 78.14 to 77.28. Finally, Frankreich “The Dude” Zappino demolished his opponent 126.42 to 0.00 in a spectacular first round knockout due to the fact that LL was once again unable to select his starting roster. Standings:
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Hand delivered by Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 15:58, September 26, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Dude
This is freakin' hilarious. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (vote!) 22:35, September 27, 2009 (UTC)
- Hah, I'd forgotten about that guy. You should add that to the worst 100 reflections on 09, we could use the filler. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:23, Sep 28
Dude. You banned my IP adress because I'm "a sock puppet of another user." I dunno what that even means . Did my post seem similar to one by another user who got banned? So... I dont think i'm a sockpuppet, at least not in this dimension, so could you reevaluate your bannage of me based on the fact that i have no idea what you are talking about? —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 64.12.116.208 (talk • contribs)
- If you're banned... how are you posting? --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (vote!) 21:46, September 29, 2009 (UTC)
- If you post the account that I banned, I'd be happy to unban it. You really should be doing this via IRC or email, though. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:58, Sep 29
[edit] Can you please
Unban my sockie? Please? 10:05 October 2
- I won't abuse him. 10:05 October 2
[edit] It's almost time, you sexy judge you
Poo Lit ends on the 18st. After that, from 19-25rd, you have to judge (leave your choices here by the start of the 26st). Before that, keep an eye on your category. I'm not saying all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. What I'm saying is all Uncyclopedians will cheat and steal to win the coveted Poo Lit Surprise. Sir Modusoperandi Brute! Boinc! 00:18, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
- I'm ready for judging! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 00:51, Oct 5
[edit] UnSignpost: October 1st, 2009
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
October 1st, 2009 • Issue 66• Now With 40% More Pictures of Cats with Humorous Captions!
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Users Turn to PLS to Rescue Uncyclopedia from Decay, Doom, Worstness The Eighth Semi-Annual Poo Lit Surprise Writing Competition & Brownie Bake-Off begins this Monday, October 5th when Olipro emerges from his house. If he is frightened by his shadow, writers are required to send him love letters; otherwise, writers have two weeks to squeeze all of the humor they can out of their mostly insignificant humor glands. This year's categories include Best Article, Best Illustrated Article, Best Kanye Joke, and Best Rewrite. The list of judges includes both esteemed Uncyclopedia veterans and former PLS winners; they will be sequestered in a two-star hotel for the duration of the competition in order to ensure the most convenient environment for receiving bribes. This year's PLS Master of Ceremonies and Executive in Charge of Parking, Modusoperandi, humbly expressed optimism when asked about the quality of this installment: "This Poo Lit will be the Greatest PLS ever," said Mr. Operandi exclusively. "Anyone who says otherwise is as much of a liar as they are dumb, and they are plenty dumb. Ergo, they are also plenty liar. That made more sense in my head." Other users, who wished to remain anonymous since they regularly read the unflattering commentary often associated with being quoted in the UnSignpost, expressed hope that the PLS would revive the life-support-laden VFH and also stimulate the lagging Uncyclopedia economy. Users Agree: 'Uncyclopedia is the Boringest' This week, Uncyclopedia users denounced the recent lack of activity on the wiki. Necropaxx initiated the conversation, noting that activity on VFH, similar to the pants of the 'hip' crowd, has dropped to unacceptably low levels. Other users have responded, and the general consensus does indeed seem to be that overall, the site's quality has dropped below acceptable levels. Not since June '07, November '07, February '08, August '08, December '08, March '09, and May '09 has Uncyclopedia seen such a blatant claim that the entire website will imminently burst into a ball of some sort, with 'flame' being the most likely sort of ball. Trusted UnSignpost undercover investigative reporter, DogNewspaper (pictured), infiltrated one such group of doom-saying users in order to obtain some first-hand declarations of the impending death throes of the wiki. "Yeah, with the number of quality articles readily available, I'd give Uncyclopedia two months at the most until it is absorbed into another humor website," said one user. Further commentary from this group of users was unavailable, as undercover investigative reporter DogNewspaper's cover was at this point compromised, as his unwavering loyalty to Uncyclopedia caused him to seize the infidel user's lower leg in his mouth and shake his head viciously. Please stay with the UnSignpost for up-to-the-week coverage of the impending(?) death of Uncyclopedia. |
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Late deliver courtesy of Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 20:04, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Hey idiot.
You're doing your job wrong. Restore this and delete this. Do it. Pleb KUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 14:58, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Modus is no idiot, he's my frie-oh wait. This is Led's page. Yeah, he's an idiot. -OptyC Sucks!
CUN15:01, 10 Oct
- No john, you are the idiots! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:20, Oct 10
- Ah! You forgot about this!
PlebKUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 17:25, October 10, 2009 (UTC)- Write your own shaggy dog article
- Submit it to the PLS
- Win your category
- Move it to the place this article used to be
- ???
- Profit! - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 17:37, Oct 10
- Actually, I'm sure there won't be a profit. The cost of shipping $20 is now $22. In fact, by winning PLS, you're losing $2.
PlebKUN Dexter111344 • Complain here • Vote now! 17:39, October 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Ah! You forgot about this!
- No john, you are the idiots! - T.L.B.
[edit] Thanks for the quick deletion
of the interim redirect for this. You seem to also have deleted this—perhaps you meant to delete this? Thanks again.
Sir MacMania GUN—[04:21 12 Oct 2009]
- Oh yeah, my bad. And no problem. Cheers, - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:46, Oct 12
[edit] Why
Thank you, sir/maam/alien Hubblemeow 02:22, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
- You're quite welcome, sir/madam/asexual amorphous blob. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:21, Oct 14
[edit] UnSignpost Sometime October 2009
The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
October 8th, 2009 • Issue 67• Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.
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The End is Nigh... Once Again Yes, it's that time of the year again. Despite the hopes of many, Poo Lit Surprise did not instantly revive Uncyclopedia. We are doomed! DOOMED! But how did the great Uncyclopedia become such a wasteland, one may ask. It's all a big conspiracy, I tell you! All perpetrated by a mysterious figure, known only by the initials R.L. Perseveringly, this entity has claimed the lives of various Uncyclopedians, among them such users as SysRq, Cajek, YesTimeToEdit, Siddhartha-Wolf and most recently it seems R.L. has even gotten its grips on our own UnSignpost editor Gerrycheevers. When confronted with the issue, noted favourite Jew and Zionist ruler Mordillo barely managed to exclusively tell us the following "I tell you Socky, I'd be happy to comment about our IMPENDING DOOM but I'm too busy packing. Another time maybe? HEY! MOTHERFUCKER! EASY WITH THE VASE! THAT'S FRAGILE! Sorry Sock, gotta scram, the movers are breaking my stuff. NO! DROP THAT BAN HAMMER! DROP IT I SAID!" Expert in things that suck (no pun intended), Optimuschris, was quoted saying "Uncyclopedia hasn't been cool since 08. Ban 09's." In conclusion, UN:N. UFFL Update The previous two weeks of the UFFL action have been filled with more intrigue than a mediocre James Bond movie. Two touchdownless games by Saints’ quarterback Drew Brees cost Sternensteinenstine a win Week 3, though the team rebounded Week 4 and currently holds a solid second-place standing in the hyper-competitive UFFL. A resurgent Tom Brady and a balanced roster has led Domestic Team Name to two wins over the same period, as well as an unblemished 4-0 record. The Dudes’ neglect to change their starting roster cost them a win in Week 4, knocking the former top dogs down to a less-than-remarkable 4th place. The John Curry All-Stars have been hampered by the loss of Frank Gore, and lost last week to a rejuvenated Dibiase’s Millions that were led by a solid Aaron Rodgers-Matt Forte NFC North attack. A soft schedule has helped Oklahoma City Storm to a respectable 2-2 record, while the winless Doritians continue to struggle. Finally, The Winnerz put up mounds of points as Peyton Manning passed his way to his fourth consecutive 300-yard game…or at least would have if The Winnerz could figure out how to log in to Yahoo! and edit their roster. In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine and the John Curry All-Stars will have to overcome bye weeks for both their starting quarterbacks to maintain their positions near the top of the league as they face off; Oklahoma City Storm looks to earn an easy win against a bye-week-ravaged Dibiase’s Millions; The Dudes seek redemption as they attempt to reclaim their No. 1 position against the undefeated Domestic Team Name; and the league’s bottom-dwelling, shit-eating, dog-fucking last-placers The Winnerz and Cheddar’s Doritians both search for their first wins of the season. Standings:
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[edit] I'm rewriting the Ronald McDonald article in my userspace, just so you know,
Title says it all really.--McWooty The Evil One FBu 12:26, October 20, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost 22nd 23rd October 2009
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
October 22nd, 2009 • Issue 68 • Semi-endorsed by Journalism Union #448
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Invisible UnSignpost Issue Confuses, Annoys Readers As a gag/publicity stunt/desperate cry for attention, last week's edition of Uncyclopedia's most beloved and 3rd most cherished newspaper, the UnSignpost, was rendered invisible before being delivered. After the issue was wrapped up, UnSignpost contributing editors Dexter111344 and Socky used their inherent superpowers or something to cause the issue to not appear on user's talk pages when delivered. In addition, further enhancements rendered each user's talk page history to not be altered upon delivery, thus completely erasing any evidence that the issue was delivered or even existed at any point. Feedback thus far has been overwhelmingly negative, with angry subscribers sending death threats and exploding telegrams to the UnSignpost office for the past four days. UnSignpost Executive in Charge of Sniffing Mail, Dognewspaper (pictured), luckily suffered only minor burns and a singed tail. The UnSignpost staff would like to formally apologize to its readers, and assure them that each subsequent issue will be at least partly visible. Poo Lit Report After giving the writers time to work on their pieces, and Modus taking time enjoying the disqualification of entries for failing the mandatory steroids screening, the 8nd Edition of the Poo Lit Surprise is in its final stages – judging. This is the time where writers who entered play with their genitals out of anxiety and nervousness, and attempt to bribe the judges with sexual favors and pie. This PLS saw a great number of entries in the Best Alternate Namespace Article. The reasoning for this, some believe, is that everyone is utterly bat fuck insane and forgot how to write regular namespace articles. Despite being held just prior to the Turkey Day Ball and Conservation Week, the turn-out was overall not bad; Modus' corporate-funded campaign for the PLS is primarily to blame for this. Speaking of corporate funding, it was indicated that there will be prize money for this edition of the PLS despite Wikia's refusal to hook a brotha' up. All irrevocable blame for Wikia's unfortunate decision has been directed at Sannse for good reason. UPDATE Winners have been announced; congratulations to all of them. According to Modusoperandi, the next PLS is expected to be held, "When the next guy remembers it's late." Fantasy Football Update Things are really heating up in the UFFL as midseason nears, and Week Six’s storylines were of upset, domination, and redemption. Led by Tom Brady, the always-solid In a look ahead to next week’s games, Sternensteinenstine looks to stay atop the UFFL rankings against a resurgent Cheddar’s Doritians, Domestic Team Name looks to retake the #1 spot against a very solid John Curry All-Stars, Oklahoma City Storm and The Dudes face off, and the bottom-dwelling dog-fucking last-placers Dibiase’s Millions and The Winnerz will look to see which one of them is shittier. Standings:
IT'S OVER 25,000!!! Maybe. Uncyclopedia just might make the mark of 25,000 articles. Sometime soon. Maybe tomorrow. Surely it's yet another milestone that only puts us that much more ahead of Wikipedia, Conservapedia, and Das Kapital combined in content. However, thoughts from the rest of the community on what this means for our beloved wiki have been varyingly expressed as joyous, apathetic, dismal, and downright nonsensical. "But even with 25,000 articles, we're still 65,000 short of being strong enough to fight Captain Ginyu," says the attractive Guildensternenstein as we stop him on his way to Planet Namek. Others offer real conversation of a possible reskin and doubts that the mark will actually be reached with Forest Fire Week probably happening sometime. Maybe. Discussion started by an attention whore in Miniluv over the Welcoming Committee and their welcoming template(s) has sparked the particular attention of many Uncyclopedians, most of whom by their own admission have never read the welcoming template, HTBFANJS, BGBU, any of the other things the welcome template advises new users to read, or have heard of Uncyclopedia. The recent round of QQ'ing and debating over the alleged poor quality of Uncyclopedia, as highlighted in the last edition's piece about the end being nigh and a Poo Lit Surprise nomination, can come to a close. It is this writer's observation that Uncyclopedia is the worst because nobody cares about editing guides which make confusing acronyms. Obvious correlation is obvious. On our final stop in our stroll through the Village Dump, to your left you will see that a n00b was just kidding, jeez, and to your right you will see that Rockstar Games reads Uncyclopedia. In the former, users urge the poor fellow to read HTBFANJS and BGBU (the same ones that they probably haven't read). If anything is to be drawn from this, it is that true editing comes from within. Or something. |
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[edit] Poo Lit: The Oopsening
I crossed out User:SPIKE/FORTRAN, and shouldn't have. If you could read it and add it to your choices, I'd be much appreciative. Sir Modusoperandi Brute! Boinc! 04:20, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] ZOMGWTFNESSES!
YOU DELETED MY FORUM PAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????? OH GOD, WHY??????????????????????????????? --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 05:04, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- ...Was that really the best way to ask an admin that question? --Andorin K. [arrrrrr] 05:36, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- It was really dumb. Forums in BHOP are supposed to be kind of dumb, but there was a line in the sand, and you crossed it. Deletion was the only way. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:37, Oct 24
- Please give the page another chance. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 05:51, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Please fix your sig. PLEASE. ~
10:04, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- NO. Please stop telling me what to do. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 10:11, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- No. Please grow a pair. Please. HOW comes??? 10:23, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Grow a pair of what? Please tell me. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 14:47, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- What do you think? A pair of shoes? HOW comes??? 15:43, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Okay, that's just mean. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break
- What do you think? A pair of shoes? HOW comes??? 15:43, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Grow a pair of what? Please tell me. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 14:47, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- No. Please grow a pair. Please. HOW comes??? 10:23, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- NO. Please stop telling me what to do. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 10:11, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
- Please fix your sig. PLEASE. ~
- Please give the page another chance. PLEASE. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break 05:51, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] PLS and such
hey, led. it's hockey season again! huzzah! how's norwell doing? i'd like to acknowledge your obvious receipt of my PLS bribe, and point out that my entire article was written on the last day of the competition, which means that i'll be improving it shortly after the competition wraps. anyway, hope you're doing well! 01:02, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Hey Gerry. Actually, it's technically not high school hockey season yet, but I'm playing in a fall league, going to some captains' practices, and later I'm doing some weeklong endurancey thingy, so I've started the buildup n' all that. As for the PLS bribe, I'll email you the location which I would like my money sent (unmarked, non-sequential $20 bills, please). How's things on your end? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 04:04, Oct 25
[edit] That thing above
Really. Sir Modusoperandi Brute! Boinc! 02:15, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
- Oh, sorry about that, I missed it because of some guy complaining about a forum. One sec... - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:59, Oct 25
- Okay, it just is just plain mean to refer to people like that. Don't say that about me. Really. --Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break
- Don't call you what you are? I'm sorry, I'll think twice before saying something accurate about you next time. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 10:45, Oct 27
- Play nice with the n00bs... Dr. GUN 00:26, 28/10/2009
- Allow me to reiterate: I explained to modus exactly why I didn't see his post, using an accurate description of who this grueflame person is. Excuse me if I don't see how that is in any way mean. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:31, Oct 28
- Thank you for the reiteration, Led. I just felt uncomfortable when you said that the other way. Also, potr, I AM NOT A NOOB.--Invincibleflamegruemaster My burning lair of grues Talk while the Grue God is on break
- Allow me to reiterate: I explained to modus exactly why I didn't see his post, using an accurate description of who this grueflame person is. Excuse me if I don't see how that is in any way mean. - T.L.B.
- Play nice with the n00bs... Dr. GUN 00:26, 28/10/2009
- Don't call you what you are? I'm sorry, I'll think twice before saying something accurate about you next time. - T.L.B.
04:17, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- Just curious, but if you that strongly don't consider yourself a noob, why did you ask three people in the last three weeks to adopt you in Adopt a Noob? Father WHY??? (confessions) 04:31, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry, I usually go by the definition of n00b as per NotM, which you're not eligible for, but the gap of a little over a year between posts threw me off track. In which case, TLB, I take it back unreservedly. KICK HIM! KICK HIM AGAIN! Dr. GUN 10:43, 28/10/2009
- Yeah, definition of "noob" is rather weird. It's a month plus 3 days maximum for NotM; three months for PLS; but could be six months or longer for Adopt a Noob. And then you have people like me who've been here less than two months, but who have been editing wikis since some of the editors here were in kindergarten. Maybe it should be really new noobish noob, pretty noobish noob, not really all that noobish noob, been on the Internet forever but pretty noobish here noob.... Father WHY??? (confessions) 15:44, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- I think the reality is that we define n00b by a time-frame for the purposes of these awards simply because to not have a definitive time-frame it's left too open for interpretation. The justification for having Rcmurphy as potential n00b of the month was an in-joke about how he, as a user, was always being n00bish. Maybe being a n00b is like bending the spoon. You can't become a n00b, that's impossible. Rather, realise the truth that n00bness does not exist, and then you can n00b yourself. Or something. Any way I look at it though IFGM (which is an acronym for Invincible Flame Grue Master, and nothing to do with relationships with grand mothers) is acting like a n00b, so although the timeliness denies it, the actions support. In other words, he has no excuse! Dr. GUN 21:43, 28/10/2009
- Hay guise wuts goin on hear User:Syndrome/sit
- I think the reality is that we define n00b by a time-frame for the purposes of these awards simply because to not have a definitive time-frame it's left too open for interpretation. The justification for having Rcmurphy as potential n00b of the month was an in-joke about how he, as a user, was always being n00bish. Maybe being a n00b is like bending the spoon. You can't become a n00b, that's impossible. Rather, realise the truth that n00bness does not exist, and then you can n00b yourself. Or something. Any way I look at it though IFGM (which is an acronym for Invincible Flame Grue Master, and nothing to do with relationships with grand mothers) is acting like a n00b, so although the timeliness denies it, the actions support. In other words, he has no excuse! Dr. GUN 21:43, 28/10/2009
- Yeah, definition of "noob" is rather weird. It's a month plus 3 days maximum for NotM; three months for PLS; but could be six months or longer for Adopt a Noob. And then you have people like me who've been here less than two months, but who have been editing wikis since some of the editors here were in kindergarten. Maybe it should be really new noobish noob, pretty noobish noob, not really all that noobish noob, been on the Internet forever but pretty noobish here noob.... Father WHY??? (confessions) 15:44, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- Sorry, I usually go by the definition of n00b as per NotM, which you're not eligible for, but the gap of a little over a year between posts threw me off track. In which case, TLB, I take it back unreservedly. KICK HIM! KICK HIM AGAIN! Dr. GUN 10:43, 28/10/2009
- Just curious, but if you that strongly don't consider yourself a noob, why did you ask three people in the last three weeks to adopt you in Adopt a Noob? Father WHY??? (confessions) 04:31, October 28, 2009 (UTC)
- n00b! Dr. GUN 22:08, 28/10/2009
[edit] Suggestion from a Know-it-all Noob
I won't bother going into how you've been here a lot longer, have contributed a whole lot more, have a lot more authority, etc. But I do have a suggestion about your "welcome" that includes "(Or I'll stick my hand into the computer screen, reach through the internet, drag you into my dimension and skull-fuck you.)" I've been here about two months now, and I still haven't had someone say something nearly that strong to me. Is that really the first impression you want to give new people? Frankly, had I gotten a welcome message like that, I would seriously have considered whether or not I wanted to be here. I've dealt with sites where users hurl things like that at each other on a regular basis, and I've left all those sites as I don't enjoy it. This is a matter of personal taste, and this is just one noob's opinion. But they may be other would-be noobs who feel the same way who haven't come back. Thanks for listening to your know-it-all noob. Father WHY??? (confessions) 01:22, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
- I thought it seemed pretty clear that I was joking, and I liked the contrast between "enjoy your stay" and "or I will skull-fuck you." But I'll take a look at it again a little later. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:43, Oct 26
- To clarify, I had no doubt you meant it to be joking, but as a greeting I find it very extreme. I saw what you had at the end of some of your previous greetings--"And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually." That to me is both much funnier, and much less likely to be taken as personally offensive. Again, the welcome is the first contact many new users will have; that will likely be their first impression of how they'll be treated on Uncyclopedia. Father WHY??? (confessions) 01:19, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to include a joke that wasn't the same one they could see on every other talkpage on the site, to make the first impression at least somewhat amusing. Anyways, like I said, I'll get around to looking at it eventually. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:34, Oct 28
- I'm looking at this thing right now, WhyDoISomethingorother, but I really think it's fine. It's pretty clear that it's a joke, and I doubt anyone registering on uncyclopedia will have anything problem with mentioning skullfucking. However, if you can come up with a replacement for the phrase, I'd gladly replace mine with yours. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:19, Nov 4
- I'll give it some thought. Thanks for your consideration! Father WHY??? (confessions) 02:51, November 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to include a joke that wasn't the same one they could see on every other talkpage on the site, to make the first impression at least somewhat amusing. Anyways, like I said, I'll get around to looking at it eventually. - T.L.B.
- To clarify, I had no doubt you meant it to be joking, but as a greeting I find it very extreme. I saw what you had at the end of some of your previous greetings--"And, finally, don't be afraid. We don't eat people. Usually." That to me is both much funnier, and much less likely to be taken as personally offensive. Again, the welcome is the first contact many new users will have; that will likely be their first impression of how they'll be treated on Uncyclopedia. Father WHY??? (confessions) 01:19, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
Below are a few alternates to "(Or I'll stick my hand into the computer screen, reach through the internet, drag you into my dimension and skull-fuck you.)"
- Or I'll stick my hand into the computer screen, reach through the Internet, drag you into my dimension and make you dance the Punk Polka with a rubber chicken named "Cajek."
- Or I'll happily ban you into oblivion.
- Or you're welcome to go do your thing at our worthless ripoff.
- Or I'll do like Mythbusters did to me, and declare you a physical impossibility.
- Or I'll tell the Uncyclopedia Secret Police and we'll just how you deal with them.
- Or I'll make you read every single Uncyclopedia policy twice. Without blinking.
- Or I'll make you read the last 100 articles that were huffed because they were so very, very bad.
- Or I'll let you go for a ride in a lead balloon and see how far you get.
I can come up with a bunch more if you don't like these. Thanks for listening! Father WHY??? (confessions) 01:58, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
- Actually, while I was reading yours, I thought of one that I kind of like. What do you think of this? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:16, Nov 12
- Personally, it's not my cup of tea. But then I'm one of those mamby pamby types who doesn't feel comfortable threating, even in jest, to kill or skull rape 13-year-olds I don't know. Father WHY??? (confessions) 02:34, November 12, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost 29-10-2009
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
October 29th, 2009 • Issue 69 • Hehehe, 69
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Better than ED, of course After having hit the 25,000 articles mark, it's worth knowing what other people think of this wiki as it's walking down the sidewalk in its high heels and short skirt. So here are some Google searches for hits on Uncyclopedia in the last week and what it came up with: A Star Control II forum or something-rather found here remarks on Uncyclopedia's SC2 article and other entries. Lauding such as "Uncyclopedia rocks..." overshadowed the naysaying remarks about the wiki being immature and for poopfaced doo-doo heads. The most insightful comment, by a user dubbed "Son of Atares", says, "It definitely beats Enyclopedia Dramatica in terms of funny, but that really isn't saying anything at all." Agreed. On a Polish forum for Polish things, Polish people, and Polish things that Polish people do, some Poles or something have a great laugh at Uncyclopedia making fun of their homecountry. One ED fangirl attempts to advertise her nonsense, only to be ignored over the lulz and tears shed from reading Uncyclopedia. Finally, a forum for progressive rock fans also enjoys some laughs at the prog rock article and the article about their own forum. That guy from There Will Be Blood blatantly lies in an attempt to seem better than thou by boldly claiming, "Uncyclopedia is not funny." Our official response to this criticism? He likes Miley Cyrus. Been there, done that, got the genital warts. The last post to the forum by the gender-confused dinosaur Littlefoot from The Land Before Time reads, " I actually think the prog articles and ProgArchives pages on Uncyclopedia are generally embarrassing attempts at funny by people who do not understand subtlety or delivery in comedy." And then a smiley face, because I guess he pwnt us or something. Fantasy Football Midseason Meanderings In real sports, midseason is typically when “experts” make “predictions” about how “the rest of the season” will “play out,” and the UFFL is no exception. Here are this author’s predictions for the rest of the season, by team: 1. Sternensteinenstine (6-1): Already a game ahead and looking forward to a soft schedule in the coming weeks, Sternensteinenstine’s dominance of the UFFL will continue for the foreseeable future. In all likelihood, the Nazi Juggernaut will sweep the rest of the season with relative ease, become overconfident, take on the world’s largest nation by land area, and eventually be defeated by an international alliance in mankind’s most destructive conflict ever. Finish 13-1 (#1 seed), at the cost of 3.7 million casualties. 2. The Dudes (5-2): Facing a similarly weak series of opponents in weeks hence, The Dudes look to continue their winning ways. At about Week 11, though, they’ll run into trouble, and spend the rest of their season getting high. Finish 8-6 (#4 seed). 3. Domestic Team Name (5-2): A solid team built around consistent players, the team of housewives and aprons does relatively well the rest of the year, but gets screwed Week 8 for not having the foresight to draft a quarterback that doesn’t have a bye in Week 8. Finish 10-4 (#2 seed). 4. John Curry All-Stars (5-2): Another solid team, the All-Stars will play well for the rest of the season, but wane down the stretch when their manager loses interest in favor of watching hockey. They still make the playoffs, however. Finish 5. Oklahoma City Storm (3-4): OCS is a hard seed to crack. Despite possessing one of the league’s most devoted managers, too much depends on inconsistent and disappointing players at key positions, not to mention the team’s susceptibility to tornadoes. Finish 6-8. 6. Dibiase’s Millions (2-5): The victim of not one, but two running back busts, Dibiase’s Millions have been struggling to find their stride all year, and given the production of Matt Forte and Steven Jackson, will continue to do so. Finish 4-10. 7. Cheddar’s Doritians (2-5): Though they have won two of their last three games, Cheddar’s Doritans will more than likely miss the playoffs due to their slow start. Putting too much faith in one team probably doesn’t help, either. Finish 6-8. 8. The Winnerz (0-7): Ironically enough, the Winnerz can't win. Even more ironically, if the Winnerz could figure out how to select their starting roster, they wouldn’t be half-bad. Unfortunately, signs point to the team not being able to figure that out, at least for this and possibly next season. Finish 0-14.
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[edit] You know what would be RIDICULOUS AND NOT EVEN FUNNY?
If this redirected to this instead of this. Or if this got moved here and thusly started to redirect to this. Wouldn't be as funny if this got redirected to this, though, because then you'd have this. --Andorin K. [arrrrrr] 05:26, November 4, 2009 (UTC)
- If that message had one more link in it I would've had to redirect it to User:Andorin Kato. But yeah, is whatever I did instead of that good? - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:40, Nov 4
[edit] Thanks
You have just crossed over into... the Thank You Zone. The Global Tourniquet says "Thanks for voting for my featured article"
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(and yes - great Robot Chicken clip, there, heh!) -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, film critic 06:32, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Okay, you mangy colonists.
I've been commissioned by Mooshy to rerererevitalize IC. I'm to be the glorious leader, etc. because Sissy, Gerry, and Opty have all fucked off. So, I have a few general ideas to start with on what to do. First of all, no fucking infighting. What's said by the authority figures goes. This is Imperial Colonization, not Imperial United States Congress. Second, there should be more of a limit on articles for nomination. Somewhere between 5 and 10. We'll never get to all 17 that are up there if people's votes are so scattered. Third, an active recruiting drive. It fits the name. We're going to draft Satirical Soldiers to deal with the bloody natives at those shit articles on IC. This said, I still want to hear all of your opinions on what to do. Either drop me a line on my talk page, or I'm on IRC damn near all day very weekday. So lets get going, Colonizers! Where the Wild Colins Are - LET THE WILD RUMPUS START! 16:47, November 11, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] I felt the need to inform you that...
Your request at Uncyclopedia:RadicalX's Corner has been filled (but not by me). 01:02, 15 November 2009
- Ah, thanks socks. - T.L.B.
WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:27, Nov 15

















