User talk:TOAST

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edit Welcome!

Hey, TOAST, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thanks for making an account here. Hopefully, you'll like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

Red carpet

Roll out the red carpet! TOAST has joined Uncyclopedia!

If you want your pages to last, those are good places to learn the basics of how to do it. With enough practice, your page (yes, yours) could even make it to the front page!

When on talkpages or forums, please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date so we know who said what.

To create a page, simply click here or make it in your userspage by clicking on this red link. Remember to put a {{WIP}} tag on your page if you make it in mainspace.

And finally, just have fun. It's why we're all here. Maintain a good attitude and you'll do well here. :)

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!   —Pelozurian (talk) 04:18, 4 June 2010 (UTC)

edit For a new guy...

You seem quite acquainted with wiki formating and you definitely are a great writer. How did you know about a wizard, if I may so ask? MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 04:48, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

I hope I just welcomed a future NOTM winner and not a sockpuppet. —Pelozurian (talk) 04:51, 4 June 2010 (UTC)

Do I reply on here or on your talkpages? --TOAST 04:55, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

Whatever. You should generally follow this policy... or set one of your own.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  10 Jun 2010 ~ 02:40 (UTC)
Anderson Cooper is on. Shut the fuck up. TOAST 02:42, June 10, 2010 (UTC)
Are you trying to butter me up Toast? 'Cause it's not working.  Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!* Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~ Xkey280 ~  10 Jun 2010 ~ 02:53 (UTC)

edit Hey, you seem like a guy who would like articles about toast

Here, read this! It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 06:03, June 4, 2010 (UTC)

What makes you think I'd like articles about toast? --TOAST 06:27, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
Oh nothing, just drawing irrational stereotypes and stuff. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 06:51, June 4, 2010 (UTC)
We do that a lot here. —Pelozurian (talk) 21:49, 4 June 2010 (UTC)

edit Toaster

Hi. Please take a look at my comment on Votes for Highlight on your potato famine page, about the Brits taking so much of the remaining crops in Ireland, and their meat, etc., which was actually the cause of the deaths during the "famine". Would you mind if I reworked some of your lead as an option, for you to look at, oh, maybe I'll do that and post it here. Back soon. Aleister 1:21 8 6 MMX

How's this?:

I want to write about the Irish Potato Famine, a period of mass starvation, disease and emigration that occurred in Ireland between 1845 and 1852. A disease affecting potatoes known as "potato blight"[1] was ultimately blamed. Yet the real story of the famine is that it was part of a greater conspiracy to worsen living conditions in Ireland by Britain--who stole most of Ireland's remaining potatoes, grain crops, meat, and beer, thus starving millions of the leprechan lovers to death--and by the United States in order to force the Irish to immigrate and build America's transcontinental railroad.

Aleister
I will fuck you with a bottle of Anderson Cooper's pure Aryan blood. Bow down and kiss the tip of my penis. -TOAST 08:14, June 8, 2010 (UTC)
Yes Master. I kneel before you. But wait, I see nothing there. Oh, there it is. Hee hee, this is, lol, are you joking me? What is that thing!!! I've seen bigger cocks on mice. Immature mice. lol. Oh jeez, later Toastie. Aleister 12:54 8 7 MMX
HAHAHA This place needs more people like you, dude. Got any friends? --Roman Dog Bird 23:29, June 9, 2010 (UTC)
I have many friends. They all worship me. And we watch AC360 every night. God, Anderson Cooper is so fucking sexy. Bow down and kiss the tip of his penis. TOAST 01:53, June 10, 2010 (UTC)

edit Article Feature

When an article is featured on the front page, the author receives this template - {{FH}} on his page. This is a good thing. It makes people happy to have it. As you clearly don't want to receive any recognition for your good work, we will be sure not to force it on you. ~Jewriken.GIF 16:33, June 11, 2010 (UTC)

edit Something I'd like to remind you of

Some of your edit summaries are concerning me a bit. Remember that this is a Wiki, and all articles are open to everyone. There is no "your article", because we are open. And while userpage edits are rare, those edits are almost always helpful, and the only vandalism edits you'll receive will be jokes. Remember that we all are trying to be nice and help each other and make each other laugh, and we are not against you.

Hope this helps.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 09:43, June 22 2010 UTC

You appear to be upset that my edit summaries are funnier than anything you could muster in an entire article. Furthermore, I thought this was a humor wiki, but all I seem to run into are shitheads with their tampons in too far. "Oh, don't do that, it makes baby Muhammad cry", "Oh, let me revert you and give you this award template again despite the fact that you demonstrated in your own userspace that you don't want it", "Oh, check out my article". Leave me the fuck alone. I just want to write and fuck my boyfriend. Fuckin' faggots. --TOAST
Pwned. Is your boyfriend Anderson Cooper? MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 22:34, June 22, 2010 (UTC)
I wish. --TOAST
Aw. Poor TOAST. I'm sure you'll get him soon. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 22:38, June 22, 2010 (UTC)
Hey TOAST, you may be new here, but you shouldn't talk to HELPME like that. He's a *snigger* valued member of the site *snigger*. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 22:36, June 22, 2010 (UTC)
It's Tuesday. Asshat. --TOAST
Well it isn't Toastday anyway. Cunt. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 23:08, June 22, 2010 (UTC)
Fuck you fag. What's it like knowing your parents wouldn't love you if they found out you pack fudge? TOAST
Better than packing fucking jam. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 02:17, June 23, 2010 (UTC)
How dare you insinuate I'm valuable! My reputation as "most useless member" will be destroyed if you keep that up!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 11:10, June 22 2010 UTC
Hey, if you want to be an ass, more power to you. Unless you're joking. Assuming you're not, I have one more immature thing to say: At least I have a timestamp. Pwned or something, bitch. (Oh God, now I'm whoring Dexter's articles for him)--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 11:06, June 22 2010 UTC
Timestamps are for the weak and materialistic. --TOAST
Exactly. So why don't you have one? (OK, now I sound like a dick)--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 11:09, June 22 2010 UTC
You sound like what you eat. --TOAST
I suck it. I don't eat it. I'm not that kinky.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 11:51, June 22 2010 UTC
Just go home, little boy. You're way out of your league here. --TOAST
But I am at home right now...--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 02:09, June 23 2010 UTC
Listen kid, I'm fucking sick of your shit. Bow down, praise Anderson Cooper, and then kiss the tip of my dick. In short, fuck off asshole. TOAST
Meh. I don't like Anderson Cooper's hair.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 02:13, June 23 2010 UTC
Quit harassing me you fag. Go have sex with that other faggot Ape. I just wanna write! TOAST
I would love to, but that's why Ape has a restraining order against me.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 02:21, June 23 2010 UTC
Lies. You know I can't resist. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 02:32, June 23, 2010 (UTC)
Hi TOAST. Psst, HELPME Whore my articles that haven't been featured yet. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 23:16, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

I heard something about cocks ~ Readmesoon 02:17, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

What? That homo HELPME needs help from some other fag? Go eat shit and die. TOAST
I don't need another fag! This area is gay enough with just me! --Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 02:39, June 23 2010 UTC

Leave me the fuck alone. TOAST

Oh, but we're having such fun together...--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 02:57, June 23 2010 UTC
No, we're not. The only fun I could have with you would be if you were dismembered and fed to Anderson Cooper's dog. Leave me the hell alone asshole or I'll tell an administrator you're harassing me. TOAST 03:00, June 23, 2010 (UTC)
Silly breakfast food, the cabal doesn't have time to get involved with such petty things.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 04:00, June 23 2010 UTC

edit So let me get this straight...

You don't want to read any articles about toast? What kind of numpty are you? Just kidding, man. I love you. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 04:15, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

Since I guess all you 'Toasties' have this page on your watch list, I am still puzzled why you are resorting to a double anon approach. Who are you afraid of as regards 'VFH prejudice'? And also does this mean Toast is ineligible for any of the various awards at the end of the month?? Or will you all vote as block for your favourite branded article??? And also vote as a block against another writer too. If you compose it - you own it in my view unless it gets vandalised in your absence. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:09, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
"Who are you afraid of as regards 'VFH prejudice'?" - Self-awareness fail. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 12:16, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
Which can go for everyone. Then if this account is open to all - advertise it as such in the House Rules etc. However, what happens if someone writes something like the horrible Niggerlodeon as Toast. What happens then or do all the Toasties take a secret off-site vote on that? My point is I don't think all the ramifications of using a collective sock puppet have been thought through. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:30, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
If a group of users want to make voting pacts off-site, they can do that with or without TOAST. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 12:44, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
So User Toast really just 'going public' with is already going on then? Perhaps another member of Team Toast could clarify that point. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:51, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
Well I know I always just vote for my friends' articles without reading them. I can't really speak for anyone else. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 13:00, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
Don't you think that is a terrible admission Ape? Regardless of anyone is a friend or not, an article should be judged on its individual merits. And I am pretty sure I have voted for some of your articles too - and I read them too. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 13:04, June 26, 2010 (UTC)
Well now you have an incentive for us to hang out some time. Say tomorrow at 7 at my house? We can watch Minority Report. -- bulbous Ape (delete) (Riot Porn) 17:03, June 26, 2010 (UTC)



  1. Phytophthora infestans, a mold. That's it...what, did you expect some funny citation?
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