User talk:Stumbo

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edit Welcome!

Hello, Stumbo, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Stumbo/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!  -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 02:24, February 27, 2011 (UTC)

edit Hi there stumbo!

You look like fun. Want me to adopt you? Think Animal House, but with more drinking. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 04:21, February 27, 2011 (UTC)

Sure! This place is, as I've already described it to everybody I know, "the funniest site ever." If I could make a few occasional small contributions, that (that actually happening, not the site) would be funnier still.

My spheres of relative competence are:

- math, programming
- obscure Russian literature
- politics (right-libertarian, a.k.a. P.J. O'Rourke / "South Park" / "Red Eye" Republican)
- other crap

Please let me know if I need to do anything specific WRT the Adoption Process. (BTW, I've had all my shots -- but the night is still young, and the bottle's still not empty. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it's a very old joke.) Also, you can reach me at (Or, if you're ever on IRC, let me know when, which network, and which channel.)

Stumbo 01:28, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

edit Wow!

Myself, I like long walks on the beach and throwing my own fecal matter at monkeys at the zoo. It's my idea of "Irony". Sent you an e-mail with some stuff. If you have any questions or want advice or anything, let me know. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 07:27, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

edit Shut the fleep up, you pretentious cretin

You're, like, dead to me. If you contact me in any manner whatsoever, my Hahvahd-educated lawyer-in-law-and-brother-in-law will make sure you end up sleeping under a bridge. (Which, per a guy from France oddly named "Anatole France," is part of the majesty of the fleeping law, applying to illegal Hungarian immigrants and to legal Chinese ones alike.)

(Edit: fixed A.F. quote; Holy FSM, I'm so ashamed of myself for fleeping it up. But, as one of the U.S. Senators from CA keeps telling herself and her constituents, I WILL WORK HARDER.)

(P.S.: have I mentioned that I fleeping slay my very own fleeping self with my exceptional sense of humo(u)r? No? OK, never mind. But, incidentally, have you got any AdultFriendFinder whorebags to lend me, second-hand? I can reciprocate with a few almost-surely-virginal waitresses from my part of the country. As they say in Russia, "everyone's happy, everyone's laughing." Also, everyone's reaching orgasm, q.v.)

Stumbo 08:20, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

edit Infinite Jest

Well User:Stumbo, after having looked over the article, I can agree with Lyrithya about the ugliness. When she says formatting, she's not so much referring to spellling anyd grammear. Generally speaking, there's certain conventions here that if followed help to make the article easier to digest. If you choose not to follow a particular convention, that's okay, but have a good comedic reason for doing so. The good news is that there are some easy fixes for you that will take your exact same content and make it nice. and. pretty.

  • First of all, links. Being a wiki, most articles here use these brackets "[[]]" to link to other articles. Linking helps to break everything up and make it more readable.
  • Second, images would help and there's a certain way to do that that involves uploading the image. If you bring the image from an outside site, that can be seen as "advertising" or something.
  • Third, don't revert the admins unless you're sure it's ready. It's not. That will get you banned, bro. Hopefully Lyrith sees this and isn't too annoyed with you.

I will get you some more help and show you how to do stuff, but first I have to let out my dog because he won't stop barking about stuff. More to come real soon. Don't touch that dial! (Unless it's to add links) It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 03:16, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

edit Prettifying your articles: a crash course

I don't know what you do and don't know, so I'll start with the basics and if you know that already, well SMOKE YOU!

Beginner's_Guide/Link_text <==This page tells you everything you want to know about links on wikipedia.

Beginner's_Guide/Formatting <===This gives you information on general formatting.

On images: To use images on uncyc, you can either: 1) upload your own, or 2) use images already uploaded to uncyc.

To upload, either click the link in the left margin that says "upload photo" or go here

To find an image, type the kind of image you are looking for in the search box, and then use the advance search settings to change it to "file".

Finally, to put a given image on a page, use this format without the quotes "[[Image:<imagename>|<align>|thumb|<size>px|]]" You image name is the name of the image you chose. Alignment can be left right or center, thumb makes it possible to scale the size and put a caption on it. Size is a number followed by px for pixels. Caption is what you want to put under the image.

I'll use an example image. If I type in the wiki the following with added brackets on both ends:

Image:Hick.jpg|thumb|left|100px|This is a real picture of User:Mrthejazz. What a fuckwit.

I get this:

This is a real picture of User:Mrthejazz. What a fuckwit.

I could also teach a little about templates and sigs but that's a little more complicated and I think you just want to make your article. I know it seems like a lot just for an image, but it's really easy once you get the hang of it. Hope that helps. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 03:58, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

edit I still vehemently disagree...

... with the term "ugly." (Though thanks for explaining what you mean by that.)

  • "Not sufficiently wiki-article-looking": meaningful, hence OK
  • "Ugly": meaningless (and insulting), hence NOT OK

It's fleeping text. Text can be funny or unfunny, but it cannot be ugly.

But, anyway -- I've added some links. (Even in the "footnote"; though that seems a bit questionable, since that's supposedly a passage not from a description of the novel, but from the novel itself.)

I'll add a map of "NAFTAstan" when I find the time. (Did I mention I'm in the middle of two simultaneous real-estate transactions?)

As for getting banned: eh. I've been banned (and/or banned myself) from worse places than this.

-- Stumbo 08:08, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, around these parts "ugly" text is text that is hard to read. If there's a lot of broken links, or redlinks, it can sometimes be considered "ugly" too. The links do help though. Some other things you may want to try in your references section:

  • use "*" without the quotes to make an un-numbered list. This may be useful for your references section. I'm actually using it in this sentence.
  • Use "#" to make a numbered list
  • To put references into your page, use these tags (look at the editing on your talkpage to see the code): [1]
Each tag like that will place a reference. Then, you have to tell the wiki where you want your references to go so you do this
  1. (This is what will go on the bottom in small letters
  • Finally, use to do any of these, replace the parenthesis with carrots and put the formatted text between the tags, kind of like html. (s)(/s) for strike, (b)(/b) for bold, (i)(/i) for italics and (u)(/u) for underline. There's one for putting up censored text too, but I don't know it offhand. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 13:17, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

Only illiterates can find pieces of text "hard to read." The whole premise of this article, be it written by me or not, is that it's aimed at people who've read that 1000-page book, which (IIRC) has only one picture in it -- and that one (inside a footnote, or rather, endnote) is a (completely wrong, by design) mathematical graph.

So: when I add that fictional map, I'll be severely violating DFW's own style guide.

But if I don't add said fictional map, this article will remain "ugly," right?

Make up your minds, folks. I only have THIS much time to waste, on here; if my stuff isn't good enuff, eh, just fleeping delete it.

(And, please -- I don't need no stinking lectures on the mark-up syntax. I learned HTML just by cutting and pasting; then C, likewise; and before that, algebraic topology and analytic number theory, almost likewise. So, trust me, I'll figure out how to make numbered and/or un-numbered lists on here, all by my pretty little self.)

(I'm touched, however, that you care enough to give me said lectures, Daddy.)

-- Stumbo 13:45, March 20, 2011 (UTC)

edit Listen up students

Complete idiot class it's about to begin ;) Like I said before, I don't know what you do and don't know. So of course, I had to assume that you knew nothing about wiki formatting, just in case.

For the record, I haven't read the book, so I'm offering a blind perspective here. If it was of no value, trust me, it would have already been deleted. Some articles just need a little fine tuning, you know? As far as the images are concerned, that ball's in your court. How important is it to you that the whole thing follows DFW's style? That's an artistic choice, I suppose, but if you're taking that path, everything else in the article needs to follow DFW's style too. Again, I can't help you with that part, b/c I haven't read it. At this point, I might suggest PEE Review if you want to get feedback from some other users. I am merely offering advice on the kinds of things you can do to make it less "ugly". You don't have to take it, and I'm not an admin. At the end of the day, you need to ask an admin whether you can take off the ugly template or not.

For the record, I only have so much time to waste too, man. I'm supposed to be on vacation so I can write my ebook, but I'm sticking around because I want to help you on your article. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 14:18, March 20, 2011 (UTC)

I've already applied for a PR.

The "sample footnote" follows DFW's style; the preceding stuff can't, since it's not pretended that he wrote it.

-- Stumbo 16:30, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

edit Red Links

Go from Red to Blue by creating a user page. It makes it easier for others to find your page. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 12:36, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

edit Un

Hey man, just letting you know I moved your UnNews piece here. It looks weird to have short unfinished pieces floating around in mainspace. Sorry! Just get a few more jokes and stuff in there and then resubmit it to UnNews (go on the UnNews mainpage to learn how to do this). Keep writing. --Black Flamingo 17:26, December 30, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, it was finished. How much longer could I keep milking that? I doubt anyone would read past the 2nd paragraph. The joke was already there in the headline; the only real purpose of the body was to make it (the joke) too obvious to miss. (Perhaps you guys could add an Onion-like headlines-only section?) -- Stumbo 02:20, December 31, 2011 (UTC)
Good point about the milking, probably for not much longer I guess. Unfortunately for our readers and ourselves our articles tend to be a bit longer (unless they're like, really fucking hilarious). The body is the important bit really. Anyways I'll stop bothering you now. --Black Flamingo 04:10, December 31, 2011 (UTC)
No worries. (Plus, a bit of digging just informed me that the joke in question is -- not all too surprisingly -- more than a year old. I had looked for it on UnNews, but neglected to check for an actual KJU article. Duh.) -- Stumbo 04:54, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

edit Little Red Riding Hood

Your new edit to Little Red Riding Hood corrected some mistakes, but also added an unfunny comment replacing the men talking with the men arguing about "whether the house had a sign saying "half-dead bitch storage." That part I changed back to almost exactly like it was because I found out that I didn't see it as funny. Newman66 Visit my table here! Contributions My works 11:56, September 16, 2013 (UTC)

Yeah, Misogyny Humor needs subtlety to go over well. Spıke ¬ 13:34 16-Sep-13
Funny or not, it was an actual reference to an actual well-known crime/comedy flick (with a character named "The Wolf," in case it's not obvious) -- and the wording of my hypothetical sign was, if anything, milder. -- Stumbo (talk) 03:45, September 19, 2013 (UTC)
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