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edit Motivational posters
Welcome back! But adding "Motivational posters" as a requested article? Is there any doubt that this would be fleshed out as an awful "page in the style of the thing it's about" — namely, a catalog of Best Of The Web?
Do you have the time to join the competition? It has served as a good excuse to crank out some new articles.19:43 2-Jan-15
I suppose I might be able to write oe about the aoyace of ot havig a workig "" key. Or about the difficulties of composig a article o a ipad. But the agai I am about to go ito busy seaso sice I work i taxes so I might ot have time with 12 hour shifts. Feel free to edit this to add the missig letter if it makes it easier for you to read.-- 05:33, January 6, 2015 (UTC)
And what, exactly, is cool about navy-and-chartreuse uniforms???20:46 15-Jan-15
- They don't clash as much as red and navy, with or without silver. Besides, blue and green are complementary colors. -- 05:31, January 16, 2015 (UTC)
That is not green, that is chartreuse. It has no complementary color at all. Let the Battle of the Admins continue!15:56 16-Jan-15
- Try telling that to the fans around here. There are blue & green cupcakes, blue & green pompoms, blue & green socks(like the ones I was given for Christmas), blue & green houselights, blue & green lights on the stadium, green & blue bows on little dogs, you get the picture. Besides, chartreuse is a light shade of green, and combined with blue it looks good in neon colors on the giant ferris wheel in downtown Seattle. I'm not much of a sports nut, but I occasionally like to watch in amusement, or if they make it to the Superbowl. Unless of course, I'm stuck working and the customers are watching a program in Spanish. -- 05:18, January 17, 2015 (UTC)
Re: Christmas socks: Selfie or it didn't happen. Re: Spanish: Since when did "Dreamers" pay taxes?11:39 17-Jan-15
- Selfie pending for sometime when I have more time, to be sent via email. Today I also noticed the checkstands at the grocery store lit up in light green, with navy and light green streamers hung between them. Too bad I didn't have a camera with me. "Dreamers" pay taxes more often than you'd think. If they are working under a SSN (theirs or not theirs) and having taxes withheld from their pay, then they are paying taxes, and may or may not be entitled to a refund since people with ITINS can still claim the child tax credit and education credits (but not the earned income credit). They even pay into social security, but if they don't have a SSN of their own they will never get any benefits from that. Besides, ITINs are in high demand. They are supposed to only be used for federal tax purposes, but some other places accept them too. If you want more details on ITINs, that info can be found on the IRS website, along with other information on tax treatment of "resident aliens". -- 05:51, January 20, 2015 (UTC)
Both ends of my post — that I need proof that you have chartreuse socks, and that Dreamers contribute nothing — are rhetorical. In fact, most economic activity is useful, and we all pay all taxes, as Obama should know despite his current plan to further raise taxes for the sake of reward and punishment of specific classes. The corporate tax should go away, as no one knows how much is translated to lower bonuses for executives, lower dividends and interest, higher prices, and lower shop wages; we only know that corporations don't suffer, they only cut the check. On illegals, the relevant question is not whether they contribute any money to Washington but whether it is worth the cost and better than the alternative; also whether winking about immigration law emboldens them to break other laws.
Not a problem, either, that you didn't see your team's comeback win over Green Bay, as I did. Two years from now, you will remember where you were on Sunday, and I won't remember any details of this game. Bottom line: A Packer who was sent out to block a Seahawk saw a free ball, instinctively lunged for it, and had it bounce off his face mask and back to the Seahawks, and that became the game.14:37 20-Jan-15
PS--UnNews:New England steals AFC trophy 17:31 20-Jan-15
- Thanks for filling in the missing details about the overtime game. I see we have a difference of opinion regarding the corporate tax. While the corporate tax has the potential to overtax small corporations, and provide excuses to larger corporations (to do what they would've done anyways) the alternative is to either cut budgets (government furloughs, longer wait times on hold for government offices, shorter government office hours, obsolete computers posing security risks, closed national parks, cuts to veterans benefits, cuts to social security, cuts to national defense) or raise taxes elsewhere, like on the rich or middle class households. If we raise taxes on the rich households, they probably would not stand for an income tax of more than 50 percent. So they would not likely be able to make up the difference. So that leaves the middle class, which might be defined as those households making between 25k and 75k per year. -- 07:26, January 21, 2015 (UTC)
- PS - UnNews:Earth attacked by godzilla again - Ugh. Do you want to rewrite this, or shall we just delete it? I'm leaning towards delete myself. Although the headline has potential if properly capitalized (it's Godzilla not godzilla), the content is beyond awful. Perhaps instead it could be written from the perspective of a building instead of the perspective of someone who thinks King Kong is superior to Godzilla. -- 08:43, January 21, 2015 (UTC)
Sorry, I saw to that before I got to your post. Doesn't look like news, isn't based on news, ends with "byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee", author is not a registered Uncyclopedian.
How about the two stubby articles about nothing, that reference one another, from Thebricke?
- Xamralco deleted one of them last night and I just saw to the other. 22:45 21-Jan-15
The play I described above did not happen in overtime but was the most dramatic of several things that sent a Packers rout into overtime. Conventional wisdom (which I doubt) is that the Packers "took their foot off the Seahawks' throat."
On the corporate tax, it is worse than corporations getting breaks to do what they would anyway. They get favors, they get a two-order-of-magnitude return on their campaign contribution, and the politician gets to take credit for all that economic activity (that would have happened anyway).
But the Democrat excuse on any tax cut is "How are you going to pay for it? Not by treating existing government workers miserly, but by reducing government's mandate. I would start (not the worst but most newsworthy) with the Department of Energy. It has not in its 38 years solved the "energy crisis" — mostly by trying to force us to curtail our lives — until achievers did it themselves with innovation, with the DoE kicking and screaming. Everything at Commerce can be privatized, everything Education does is better done locally and is done locally, and everything Labor does is harmful.
Some tax cuts pay for themselves, as the new Congress thankfully installed people at the CBO who are willing to try to measure. All the taxes Obama proposed raising last night are already beyond diminishing returns, suggesting that they will never do what he promised. (He admitted this during one of his campaigns but said it is a matter of "fairness.") PS--I am not a member of any "class," the US has no hard barriers to class mobility, nearly every American is both "rich" and "poor" at some point in our lives, and nobody's success ever made me fail.12:41 21-Jan-15
- There may not be any "hard barriers" but there are certainly barriers, such as the rising cost (and diminishing returns) of college education, required prestige/luxury items to succeed in certain fields to impress the clientele/seal the deals, the cost of purchasing and maintaining a work wardrobe for white collar jobs, and so on. And if nobody's success ever made you fail then you certainly have never had your job outsourced overseas. This practice of outsourcing has the effect of making import/export businesses more successful and executives more successful as a result of getting a nice fat bonus for what they saved the company in labor costs by laying off US workers and hiring foreigners overseas for half the cost or less. And worse yet, if enough companies do that, and the minimum wage stays the same for years, soon we will become a nation of salespeople and service people, and nobody except upper management making enough money to buy much of anything except the bare basics to survive.
- And as far as which taxes actually get increased or cut, those are a function of which lobbying group is loudest. If the loudest lobbying groups want more government services, taxes increase. If the loudest lobbying groups want reduced taxes, they tend to get decreased. Same as to where the tax money actually goes once it is collected. And some of what taxes are collected on the national level are distributed to the state and local level for state and local projects. -- 10:41, January 23, 2015 (UTC)
Where to begin.
- The decreasing value of college (in this era, when everything is available on the Internet except the personal guidance to put it all together — and I provide a little of that here, nightly) owes mostly to massive government subsidies, and to every President since G.H.W. Bush declaring that everyone should have a degree from a bricks-and-mortar institution, no matter whether it makes the degree meaningless.
- The cost of doing business (good clothing, desire to out-compete one's competitors) is not a problem for government to solve; nor the possibility that someone else will do my job better (offshore or not) and I will have to find a different one. (And if you think foreign competition is a problem, one obvious answer is to get serious about border control — though I welcome workers and would only turn away the beggars.) "Nobody's success ever made me fail" does not mean "Nothing bad ever happens."
- Affordability is not a problem for government to solve; we all live within our budgets (and government does not). There are always shortages and costs. The minimum wage does not give anyone a raise; it merely declares an increasing set of jobs illegal to offer.
- We are a nation of salespeople and service people. We used to be 90% farmers, then we were manufacturers. There is no way the peacocks in Congress know who we will be in ten years — if they let us remain free.
- "Fat" executive bonuses, apart from revealing resentment that should not be the basis for US policy, are also a process of competition for good managers. The flip side after failure is a discreet but insistent hint to resign, not file unemployment, and not sue to keep one's pension if one wants to keep one's reputation.
- And yes, tax policy and other policy is based on lobbying (that is, "petition[ing] the government for redress of grievances"), and corporations can even make a movie ridiculing Hillary Clinton, no thanks to Obama's carping at the Justices during two State of the Unions. If you believe that corporations find it easier convincing Congress than they would find convincing us, that argues for taking more economic decisions out of its hands and leaving them in our hands.
Now, do you disagree that the new taxes Obama proposed would reduce the revenues of the federal government?
Back to Uncyclopedia, the football UnNews has become a diary of updates.15:21 23-Jan-15
- Speaking of football, it looks like I'll be stuck at the office that Sunday again this year. End of the month reports for eight stores are due by the 5th, and I cannot start them until the first. So if I'm lucky I'll get to listen to the game from the back of a busy office, unless the Spanish channel is on again, or perhaps a soccer game.
- As to the taxes Obama proposed - I just read the text of the State of the Union speech, and no specific taxes were proposed yet, just generalities implied. If the government taxes investments, it will not just hurt the rich, but also the retired senior citizens who depend upon their retirement investments, and will tend to discourage new investments in general. If people spend instead of invest, the economy will be boosted in the short term, but at the expense of the long term. And there was talk of "closing loopholes", but no specifics were given. If lobbyists put those loopholes in place, lobbyists will prevent them from being removed, regardless of who the extra tax money might help. Finally raising the minimum wage does indeed give raises to workers who work at the minimum wage, provided they remain employed after the minimum wage is raised (with the exception of states and localities who have already raised the local minimum wage above the federal minimum wage). It does not make jobs done by independent contractors illegal, provided that they are billed by the job rather than by the number of hours spent on it. (Example: A plasma donor might get $25 per donation, which takes 4-6 hours.) It does, however, tend to have a cause and effect type increase on the price of goods and services produced by higher paid workers. Whether it is worth more to reward a company that pays its workers a living wage, is a decision for consumers to make. As it stands now, in most areas it is not possible to support a family of 4 with one wage earner working full time on the minimum wage, and unlikely to support a family with childcare needs with two wage earners working full time on the minimum wage. Fast food & small business retailers typically do pay minimum wage, and actively discourage overtime pay. -- 07:47, January 24, 2015 (UTC)
We are approaching agreement on the effects of higher taxes. Obama did not give the specifics in his speech, but the White House put out the details.
One notorious detail was a change in the rules for accounts where people were promised they could put money (after paying taxes on it) and let it grow tax-free to apply to education — quite a deal. Who knew there would be a tax on the other end?! Promises made by past Presidents? Who knew there were any other Presidents?Too rapacious even for Obama 02:05 29-Jan-15
- Glad you noted that taxes on investment don't just affect the rich guy who sees the tax, but not-so-enviable investors. They also affect everyone down the line, such as poor people who can't choose jobs that were never created.
- "Provided they remain employed" is the key Big If to the minimum wage (and I don't care which level of government mandates it) and to Obama-care (which is a huge increase in the minimum wage for any business that does not drop its health plan). Searching for alternatives to using low-skill workers located within the USA is the way out of the minimum wage, and is the defining feature of the Obama economy. You simply cannot mandate that money go where it would not otherwise go and hope for no matching unintended side-effects.
- No, it is not possible for one minimum-wage worker to support a family of 4. Nor a family of 16, nor have a summer home. Why should it be? Chinese fast-food workers sleep in bunks, day-laborers work night jobs and may fit in a college course, people get married, to save some money and live a better life in the future, while you state arbitrary goals for how good their present life should be, which will lead to policy that will take from them some of the ways they could advance. The minimum wage depends on a static view in which the poor stay poor forever unless "we" intervene. In fact, the minimum wage is the clearest example of class-based policy actually making class barriers more rigid by preventing upward mobility.
Investment is the corn you grow and, instead of eating it, you put it in the silo to plant it next spring and make more corn. Inducing people to "spend instead of invest" does not simply trade off a short-term boost for long-term pain; it extinguishes wealth. Obama's ARRA "stimulus" and Bush's "tax rebates" had no measurable effect — wheel-spinning is not forward movement, no matter what the speedometer reads — because, all other things being equal, financial rates and prices change to reflect the need to pay it back in the future. That everyone has to eat does not mean that we should eat the seed corn, and we are never better off doing so. As money multiplies exponentially, for every tax on investment, there is a year at which it will have extinguished more wealth than it raises for government.13:22 24-Jan-15
I undid your change here, which placed a list item into the list instead of at the start of the article, because putting it at the start of the article illustrated the thing it was about: putting items at the start of articles. I tweaked it to make it a better start of the article.
Re: MediaWiki:Sitenotice, chartreuse is indeed blinding. There oughta be an investigation and fines handed out. More important than mere weather-caused ball pressure anomalies. Everyone just assumes that a cheating Head Coach is going to cheat again. PS--If you make a change that merits everyone seeing it and being asked to dismiss it again, remember to increment MediaWiki:Sitenotice id. I'll be online during the Super Bowl and may blog to the Site Notice as I did during the Conference game. 13:22 27-Jan-15
- Hm, that gives me an idea, though you might not like it. Anyway, sorry about not incrementing the sitenotice id. As to Banned from the Internet, I moved it because I didn't understand why it was at the start of the article. -- 18:45, January 28, 2015 (UTC)
In fact, don't increment _id unless it does merit everyone seeing it; some back-and-forth between the two of us probably doesn't merit it.19:31 28-Jan-15
edit Super Bowl XLIX
I redid the Sitenotice to prepare for live action during the Super Bowl, but there was none, and it is now back to humping the Article Whisperer contest until there is some other news. WP:Super Bowl XLIX is a fine summary (go straight to Second Half). Even politics talk-show hosts here are calling for Coach Carroll's head (he coached the Patriots, long ago, and we considered him a better cheerleader than coach) because Carroll didn't give the ball to Lynch for a "certain" game-winning touchdown. But Lynch had the ball on the preceding down, and no call is stupid if no one expects it. The play resulted in a Pats interception by a guy whose name I should probably know but didn't.
The game was not over; there were 20 seconds left and the Pats were on the 1-yard line with no room to even kneel down without stopping the clock and giving youse two points and a kick-off, and you could then have won the game with just a field goal. What happened then was the key: The Seahawks' front line pushed or fell all the way across the line of scrimmage, then a few Seahawks instigated a fistfight; now the Pats had 20 yards and could take a knee. It was a contest of composure in the face of adversity and the Pats won it.
To return to a theme above, indeed I did not enjoy your sight gag at She Blinded Me with Science involving a graphic grabbed from the web with no humor added, and have replaced the whole thing with a smallish but adequate article based on the pop single. 23:24 2-Feb-15
- Thanks for the info on the game that I didn't have the opportunity to watch. Congratulations on your team winning. The graphic at She Blinded Me With Science was not grabbed from the web, but made by myself in Microsoft Paint. The in-joke was that I made the colors of the graphic chartreuse and cyan. Perhaps it would have made more sense had the lettering read "SCIENCE!" instead. (Which can be arranged, the graphic was easy to make.) But your idea was better than my bright (literally) idea. -- 07:29, February 3, 2015 (UTC)
edit Delete Article
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Why%3F:You_should_kill_yourself This article isn't funny and horrible, please remove this suicidal people will read this and this does not help. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 188.8.131.52 (talk • contribs)
- There is a deletion process around here. Details can be found on QVFD and VFD. The article does not meet the QVFD criteria, so can only be deleted by vote. Besides, suicidal people should not visit humor sites, since usually their frame of mind does not detect humor in things that most would find funny or even impossible. Our goal at this site is not to help everyone who needs helping, but to entertain with humor. There is a phone number to the U.S. Crisis Hotline in the article, placed there upon the advice of Wikia staff, should someone actually be tempted to take it seriously. Feel free to add the Crisis Hotline in your country and the warnings that those who are into very dark humor will not take seriously to the talk page of the article. -- 15:27, February 9, 2015 (UTC)
edit Deletion request from IRC
Hi, reappearing briefly to pass on DungeonSiegeAddict510's request that his user and talk pages be deleted by you. Hope everything is going well. -– Llwy-ar-lawr • talk • contribs • 22:09 24 March 2015
- No. Permabanned users are not entitled to have things on Uncyclopedia to their liking, particularly by making a request on a competing website, no Uncyclopedian is allowed to censor the record of his dealings with others, future Uncyclopedians may benefit by knowing how Denza got himself banned, and Denza was turned down the last time he asked. Do not help him evade his ban. 00:38 25-Mar-15
Despite our collaboration yesterday, I was watching toilet humor accumulate in hockey-related articles and thinking of the cartoon of two vultures sitting on a telephone pole. To paraphrase, "To hell with the Ban Policy: I'm going to kill something!" 12:50 26-Mar-15
- I usually protect pages when I see that sort of crappy edits going on by anon IPs. -- 15:20, March 26, 2015 (UTC)
Yes, nice. Unfortunately, our URL seems to have been written on a toilet stall at an elementary school somewhere. It is time for some virtuoso babysitting, emphasizing complete sentences, avoiding stereotypes, and trying to be funny; otherwise I will save time and just mow them all down.23:34 26-Mar-15
PS--Perhaps you can get through to JudgesWigmaker, who is as prolific as he is unfunny. 02:29 28-Mar-15