Welcome! This is my mailbox. If you have any compliments or inquiries leave them below. If you are not here to bask in my glory then you are offending God and need to repent for your sinful ways. Goodbye and good day.
No, this is not me, this is my worst enemy: antoneater.
Hello, SilverSpawn, and welcome to Uncyclopedia. This is a wiki (a collection of pages anyone can edit). Words in blue are "links" and can be clicked to take you to another page. This wiki is for comedy. It pretends it's Wikipedia, but we make people laugh, not bore them. If you aren't interested in a fake encyclopedia but in fake news stories, we have UnNews, and there are other projects for scripts, lyrics, how-to guides, books, etc.
What you can do
You can create your own article. It is better to do it under your won name, if, for example, you are not sure whether you will finish it; for example, User:SilverSpawn/An article. (The red instead of blue is a link to a page that doesn't yet exist.) If you don't have any ideas, we have a list of articles that need to be created.
If you've written an article, we have a Proofreading service where someone will correct your mistakes, and a review process where another Uncyclopedian will read your article and suggest improvements.
You can help without writing articles; just read articles and, if you see an improvement in writing or in comedy, jump in and edit it. In fact, you can help without writing at all, such as organizing, watching for vandals, or even greeting other new users.
What you need
To write articles, you need a sense of humor and an ability to write good English. We all have strengths and weaknesses and you can get help in any area. But everyone needs an ability to work with other people. Be polite, positive, and helpful toward others, and assume others are doing the same toward you.
Active administrators of Uncyclopedia are able to help you. In addition to that they are paid twice as much as we are, however, they still cannot afford a cup of coffee;
Several experienced Uncyclopedians have indicated their willingness to adopt new users;
Finally, you can ask questions on your (here) or on my talk page. And I will be willing to help you!
How to post to talk pages
Please follow these general rules:
Add comments at the end of a talk page so people notice your addition.
Start your paragraphs with one or more ":" characters to indent them and set them off from other people's posts.
At the end, type ~~~~ (four tildes), which gets replaced by your signature (you can set it up using Preferences) and the date and time of your post.
Don't delete anyone's messages. In case of any controversy, we depend on an accurate record of what was written. You may disavow your remarks by striking them through like this.
Well done with the creation of your user and talk pages! Keep going with your work on Uncyclopedia and I hope that you will have some brilliant ideas concerning your future articles or anything you would like to create! Anton(talk) Uncyclopedia United 10:28, July 11, 2013 (UTC)
Hello and welcome! Yes, well done, except when someone creates his own talk page, we stop seeing a red-link and no one goes to welcome him. Happily, Anton was paying close attention and welcomed you. You are entitled to lay out the general terms for the use of your talk page, but keep in mind that we are a team of writers and you are the new arrival. It might be in your interest to have such a haughty intro. (And look up the difference between a complement and a compliment.) Anyway, happy editing! Spıke¬ 14:18 11-Jul-13
Thanks for the greetings(and the Grammar on complement, lol). Right now I'm doing work on my laptop, but some time this weekend I'll get started on editing. Yours truly, SilverSpawn (talk) 22:32, July 11, 2013 (UTC)
Fine, no rush! On the page you just created, we would put it at American grammar--neither Wikipedia nor this cheap imitation overdoes capital letters in page titles or section heads. You won't see a Move button for three or so days, as a new user; and I won't Move it on you because you might still be editing it under its old name. Spıke¬ 00:26 12-Jul-13
Well it has been a great year for PLS in some ways. 8 users contributed to the competition for best article and all articles were of "feature quality" thus making a tough task for Romartus and providing an explanation for the late arrival of the results. The categories of best re-write and best collaboration were very disappointing with only one article contributed for each. Some have speculated that next time PLS is run those categories will be removed.
In the competition for best article, all articles were feature worthy and so it was a choice of which was the best article of the best. In last place was The Ghost Writer (film) by Anton199 on a ghost in a film. It was just beaten by the wonderful Heinz Guderian article from Sinner George about a famous Nazi, which despite being placed highly by Romartus was second to last. Spider Solitaire came next by Simsilikesims who wrote about a very annoying computer game. Placed fifth was Free hugs written by Shabidoo on people trying to give out free hugs. In fourth place was a wonderful article from one of our not so regular users, Flyingbird called PRISM, about the US internet security project.
In the Noob article category there were two contestants. Runner-up was Moondog by Uncycloperson, one of our very new members, who wrote about a Viking hobo's life and in first place was Jane Marple and posted to us from the KGB with kind regards from Putin, written by Anton199, about an old woman who is a ninja in disguise. Congratulations to both.
Best re-write was won by ScottPat who wrote Checkpoint Charlie and faced a real Cold War with no opponent to stand against him. Best collaboration was Cossacks jointly written by Anton199 and ScottPat. Yet again no opposition faced them but then "you have to be in it to win it!" so congratulations to them both.
All-in-all the competition was summed up in Puppy's own words: "People shouldn't write so goodly - it makes it harder for us judges to judge them. Any delays in completing judgmentalisation are the fault of all entrants. And Modus is a smelly poo poo head."
The PLS is done and our Votes For Highlight page has already three more entries in one day with 22 entries and 9 different nominators all in all. The topics of articles vary and the person who will go there in order to vote, will certainly find a theme that he is interested in. There are, for instance three HowTos, two UnScripts, two UnNews and one UnBook. Three other articles talk about something beginning with the letter "A" (and one even has three capital As at the same time) and knowing that one of the best-known Uncyclopedia articles is "AAAAAAAA", these ones will certainly be featured...one day. With the rich choice of themes, such as military (Italian Tanks), military history (Uncyclopedian), famous military leaders (The Last King of Scotland) and military countries (Ukraine), there is even one essay about the qualities and defects of a 20th century vacuum-cleaner (Henry).
The situation is still not very stable and, although Cap'n Crunch is currently more popular than the Atheist Alliance of America, everything can change in a minute if there are enough voters. And looking only at the VFH scores, it becomes obvious that there are more people who want to know about the best way of taming six-legged lame men, than there are those, who are willing to walk on Saturn and (even less) wanting to acquire car insurance). Does this mean that the emigration of Earthlings to Saturn is not very significant and the amount of car crushes is being reduced? It is up to you whether to go to the VFH page and figure it out or to keep on reading this issue of UnSignpost which might not be as informative.
Another point to be brought up is the question of VFP. Is this still running? People contribute to it although an image hasn't been featured in ages. UnSignpost wishes that everyone addresses the situation and helps keep this part of our site running to commend our wonderful artists.
Uncyclopedia offends Gandhi
If the British Empire didn't offend Gandhi enough then Uncyclopedia have gone a step further. Aditseth03 expressed outrage at the Gandhi article as it offended his beloved hero: "I AM A INDIAN AND MAHATMA GANDHI [MOHANDAS KARAMCHAND GANDHI] MANY ABUSIVE WORDS ARE BEEN USED FOR HIM AND HE IS LIKE A GOD FOR INDIANS SORRY BUT REMOVE IT." Unfortunately our good Indian friend has not read the rules of Uncyclopedia and perhaps does not realise that this website only offends for comedy purpose. If the article is offensive and not funny then some action must be taken. Perhaps a call to arms is needed to proofread the article to check that it is humorous and not just randomnly offensive.
Journalist Anton: Hello, SilverSpawn and, again, welcome to Uncyclopedia! I would like to interview you for the next issue of the USP (if you respond, of course), so you have the right not to answer my questions before your lawyer comes! I heard that you joined us recently: but when was it exactly? Anton(talk) Uncyclopedia United 10:03, July 31, 2013 (UTC)
SilverSpawn Hello, lieutenant! Well, I joined Uncyclopedia on the eleventh of July. Yours truly, SilverSpawn22:37, July 11, 2013 (UTC) 00:56, August 1, 2013 (UTC)
J.A. And what was the primary cause of you requesting an adoption? Do you really need help or did you just like the idea? Anton(talk) Uncyclopedia United 08:18, August 1, 2013 (UTC)
I am going to give you multiple questions at the same time and you can answer (if you feel like it) them one by one.
J.A. And, to finish our interview, what do you think about the UnSignpost (your first action on Uncyclopedia was to subscribe yourself for it)? Thank you for answering our questions and see you soon! Anton(talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:04, August 1, 2013 (UTC)
I am sorry but the new format of the UnSignpost makes the content box and the edit buttons of the talk page disappear. Therefore, I am removing it for a while and will bring it back when these issues are fixed. But you can still read this issue at UnSignpost/20130810. Thank you for your patience! Anton(talk) Uncyclopedia United 11:55, August 13, 2013 (UTC)