User talk:ScottPat

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edit UnNews:UKIP targets Ebola

Promising UnNews! I am ready to lay out an Ebola side-by-side! But the first clause of the lede is not what the story is about; and please get the dateline right (town name in all capitals, and perhaps something more specific than UK, not in all caps). Spıke Ѧ 11:07 11-Oct-14

Will do. I tried to combine two stories into one. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 11:09, October 11, 2014 (UTC)

That is always dicy. The way I approach that is to isolate them; do one job, with a crisp lede and clear development, then halfway through, take the reader's hand and jerk him in another direction. Separately, no matter what UnNews:Style says — and as far as I can tell, it says nothing — quotations in a story about Britain should use single quotes, unless you want to go whole-hog and use American spelling, and then there should be some comedy point to compensate for baffling your reader. Spıke Ѧ 11:16 11-Oct-14

WOAH! Since when did we Brits not use "" these? It is how we write - at least now. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 11:27, October 11, 2014 (UTC)
Wikipedia to the rescue: "Single quotes are more usual in the United Kingdom and South Africa, though double quotes are also common there." I fall into the latter group then as I have never been taught to write with single quotation marks and I know few people who do. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 11:30, October 11, 2014 (UTC)

Romartus for one — although he has written UnNews articles with both styles mixed together. Very well; double quotes it is. Spıke Ѧ 11:47 11-Oct-14

I use double quotes when it is a block of speech and single quotes when a line or a few words are referred to in a paragraph. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 09:31, October 21, 2014 (UTC)
Well that's settled then. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:48, October 23, 2014 (UTC)

edit Politics

Hi ScottPat. As you know, there is another article sitting in that space. To put your article on the feature list we need either to vote to delete what is already there or come up with a slightly different title. Ideas? --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 13:12, October 20, 2014 (UTC)

It isn't quite finished yet but when it is I would like it to replace the current article of the same name. The current article isn't the best representation of the topic. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 08:08, October 21, 2014 (UTC)
OK, well you know what to do. Send the current article in that space to VFD when you're ready. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 09:29, October 21, 2014 (UTC)

edit Devon

A great start! Thanks for attempting a VFD Save. Spıke Ѧ 11:19 22-Oct-14

No probs. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 13:47, October 22, 2014 (UTC)

edit Your articles

Hi Scott! You have written plenty of amazing pieces, fit for any Uncyclopedia, so I wanted to ask you: would you allow your articles to be brought to the other wiki? At the moment, only our Ukraine is there, due to some strange occurrences I detailed and apologised for last year, and it seems to be a good thing as it got on VFH without my help! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 14:15, October 26, 2014 (UTC)

This issue has troubled me when I have considered it. I am afraid I do not want the articles to be shared onto the fork (apart from the one you slipped under my nose) as one of the reasons I decided to stick with this website is that we write good quality parody articles instead of the in-jokey articles and randomness that I see appearing on the other site's front page. So I'd rather my articles were shown on the parody site they were intended for rather than being accredited with the other site. I also think that the two sites have so many different articles now that their article bases are unique. And who knows maybe someone else on the other site has better ideas for those article slots. So unless I move to the fork personally, which I don't see myself doing I don't want the articles to be shared between the two, sorry. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:15, October 27, 2014 (UTC)
I understand! Just, if Wikia will excuse me for discussing another website on a site they own, the fork and in-jokes don't have a very clear relationship, despite what it seems at first sight. Many users out there understand the problems related to in-jokes and featuring them amd are trying to do something about them. And the fork is actually producing quite a lot of good parody articles, almost as many as us, even, only they can't beat Spike (or you, when the PLS starts). Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:31, October 27, 2014 (UTC)
Well then you have gone a certain way to persuading me. Perhaps I should become a user on both sites and transfer all my articles across. I'm not sure. I like this place. We don't do forest fires, UnSignpost is structured well, VFP runs, we have a real dedication to clearing out old crap. I want to focus on re building this site and I think we have the right history, domain name and users to do it. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:32, October 27, 2014 (UTC)
I am not persuading you to leave! Just debating for the sake of debating (or clarifying some concepts, it's how you wish to put it). If you want to know, you have the right motivation, skills and talents to bring this site to ... what? You decide. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 19:09, October 27, 2014 (UTC)
Anton199, thank you for the high praise. On the topic subject, Wikia will certainly have no opinion, but I will. You will please not use this website to disaffect our other users into spending either part or all of their time doing the same thing elsewhere. Spıke Ѧ 19:32 27-Oct-14
Anton199, I have sent you an email. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 06:38, October 28, 2014 (UTC)
I'm sure Anton had no wish to cause controversy but Spike sums the whole thing up nicely, I'd only be "doing the same thing elsewhere" which I see no point to as I prefer this website. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 08:03, October 28, 2014 (UTC)
And we prefer you! To the contrary, Anton199 knows he was persuading but did not know whether he would get away with it (on an evening where Denza was whitewashing our URL off the Wikipedia article, and catching hell for it). Of course if you elected to hang with a different crowd, you might encounter people who share your opinions, and you might succeed in changing another website to be what you have already helped this website to be. Or you might be quickly outvoted, or you might simply become one more proxy for Pranks Wars. I am baffled that virtually none of the PLS participants have been active since — "Waiting to see if I get featured" doesn't explain it — and am wondering whether this extravaganza was yet another gimmick to lure away promising new Uncyclopedians. Spıke Ѧ 09:15 28-Oct-14

I have just looked on the Wikipedia page and see the other site's sneaky under-handed foul play. I don't think the PLS lured Uncyclopedians away from this site. However I do think that Uncyclopedians are moving from this site to theirs (usually after a month's time spent on this site). I refuse to believe that the fork is perpetuating this. I believe that is our, unwilling fault that they are moving. When choosing between a site that has 4 votes per VFH article and a regular userbase of about 5 and another site of the same name and style that has 10 votes per VFH article and a regular user base of 20ish I know why they'd prefer the other site. Somehow we've got to make them stay, I just don't know how. I am firmly convinced, however, that this site has a better commitment to the Wikipedia parody than the other site and it has the views and domain name that comes highest. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:59, October 28, 2014 (UTC)

♪♪ Competitions with cash prizes ♪♪ 10:02 28-Oct-14 I don't claim it's their official site policy, but this coincided with Denza's prank; and even Simsie is writing a little epitaph in her userspace. People do chat and act in concert. Spıke Ѧ 10:09 28-Oct-14
Don't think that would be an effective incentive. I think showing we have a community spirit with lots of members who are active regularly and joke about as well as writing decent articles would be the way to attract more users. Alternatively, setting high comedy standards for the site and getting it to a level where it could "compete" with professionally written comedy sites would attract attention to the site as being reborn as a respectable, intellectual comedy site. But god knows if those ambitions are realistic and my proposals are hypocritical of the fact that I have less and less time for Uncyclopedia (unwillingly). I try to gently prod people with Uncyclopedia articles whenever they have the remotest of relevance in a conversation, in attempt to make Uncyclopedia a commonly known point of comedial reference but without doing this on en masse I doubt it will be very effective. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:11, October 28, 2014 (UTC)
In a last ditch situation we could abandon Uncyclopedia, admitting that it is beyond recovery and has had its time and that we are only prolonging its death and found a new comedy website focusing on a different genre of humour. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:13, October 28, 2014 (UTC)
Uncyclopedians have and can go their own way. The year I quit, I found one, but what he quit was the collaboration part. Instead of seeking my own playground, I'll stay on the one with the good swing set. Whenever I run out of ideas, something smelly turns up on VFD. Spıke Ѧ 12:30 28-Oct-14
Agreed. Can't say I'm not happy here. I get to write comedy and chat to other aspiring comedians and that's all that's needed really. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 13:44, October 28, 2014 (UTC)
And, not to forget, you get to whinge about the demands of the alleged Real World on your time! Changing the subject to ICU, would you please tell me what, if anything, you see in Anon's new Evolutionary psychologists? Spıke Ѧ 13:59 28-Oct-14
It seems mildly amusing to me, if touched up and expanded I'm sure it could stay. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:03, October 28, 2014 (UTC)
Then I will take it out of Intensive Care; thanks. Spıke Ѧ 16:12 28-Oct-14

Sorry for not answering earlier. That's a long wall of text to read and consider. So, first of all, sorry. As Scott says I had no wish to cause controversy and in my last message "this site" actually referred to this site (Wikia uncy). I had no idea Denza did what he did on the Wikipedia page on Uncyclopedia at the same time, but I am sure this "attack" was not directed by any community.

On the topic of "another gimmick to lure away promising new Uncyclopedians": lure away where? The fork played no role in our PLS, as far as I know. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:50, October 29, 2014 (UTC)

edit UnSignpost

Just notifying you, as I started working on a new issue here. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:33, October 31, 2014 (UTC)

Arghhhhh! Halloween. Sorry, I don't celebrate it. Guy Fawke's night is much more fun. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:31, November 9, 2014 (UTC)
You are such a killjoy. You should get your alligator suit on and come to the party anyway. Spıke Ѧ 17:24 9-Nov-14

Maybe but celebrating the burning of Catholics and their practical extermination in this country involves fireworks. Why don't you bring a sparkler, light the effigy and join the party? Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:50, November 11, 2014 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Merkel hails the fall of the Berlin Wall

I gave this a copy-editing but I don't see the humor of the Dusseldorf/Volkswagen line or the BBC Headline joke and can't learn it from your Source. But another direction you could take it in is Gorbachev spoiling the party, and that he helped the wall to fall not so much by being Westward-looking but by being incompetent at doing what he set out to do. (I'd bring in Obama at that point, especially as Gorby mentioned Cold War, but that's just me.) Spıke Ѧ 17:43 9-Nov-14

Also, Merkel's self-deprecation in the second paragraph doesn't seem like Merkel and, again, I can't tell if it was based on anything in real life. Calling Brits racist needs to have a point, or it reads like her opinion, or your opinion, or your opinion on her; advocacy either way. Your use of the word "illegally" on tanks crossing borders was also not in the service of humor. Tell me what I am missing. Spıke Ѧ 18:30 9-Nov-14

You missed the joke! " Merkel heils fall of Berlin Wall" was not a spelling mistake. Please change it back (on phone). That will explain the casual racism quip. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:18, November 10, 2014 (UTC)

Then the UnNews headline is deliberately wrong, and Merkel's comment has no relation to the news but is merely a complaint about the headline? The correct fix is to yank the whole joke and go in a better direction than manufactured navelism. Spıke Ѧ 17:37 10-Nov-14

Merkel "hailed" the fall of Berlin Wall on front page news. They left a gap for a funny title and I took it. Disagree if you wish. The story is based on Merkel's strong determination as a political character and jokes about Germany and the Berlin Wall. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:45, November 10, 2014 (UTC)

I did not change it; "hail » heil" so "German » Nazi" followed by retaliatory racism in the article are cheap shots. But I did put it on the Front Page, though Romartus and I are in afterward with side-by-side takes on "landing on a comet." Spıke Ѧ 23:41 13-Nov-14

The joke was that it was cheap racist humour. Thanks anyway. Though I think the Comet story should take priority. Truly remarkable. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 11:16, November 15, 2014 (UTC)

edit Here's a very special UnSignpost

Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:49, November 9, 2014 (UTC)

edit Pee Week 2014

Starts this Saturday! We need you there! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 06:55, November 14, 2014 (UTC)

Thanks for signing up! Now, if you want to review something, follow the guidelines here. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 13:23, November 16, 2014 (UTC)

edit RationalWiki

I have been in a running dispute with Irritable of contents over editing Featured Articles such as this one; also for visiting non-FAs and replacing the Intro; and making other changes that plant a cryptic but unrelated theme into an article (hint always in Change Summary), often involving quotecruft. Spıke Ѧ 20:44 26-Nov-14

I appreciate your policing work Spike. He keeps changing the article and I do not agree with the changes. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:07, November 29, 2014 (UTC)

Do you know that this article is getting famous? [1] Congratulations, Scott! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 17:49, November 27, 2014 (UTC)

Not exactly BBC News but I'll take it. This writer is defending a magazine I have never heard of from a random RationalWiki user. I think he misses the point that RationalWiki is supposed to be light-hearted. Slightly disheartened that my article has been used to back up a pro-right-wing argument (starts defending UKIP near the end) but then I suppose I wrote the article to mock RationalWiki so I got what I deserved. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:14, November 29, 2014 (UTC)
I didn't study in detail what comes from Uncyclopedia, or why it is cited, but if you become fodder in a debate on a right-wing blog against a left-wing blog, you must expect to be tarred with a "pro-right-wing argument" regardless of what you wrote. Anton199, I enjoyed Uncyclopedia being called "sometimes-excellent" (and, by implication, "actually designed to be funny") and hope you are putting this episode into a list of newsworthy events to assemble into a future UnSignpost! Spıke Ѧ 22:34 13-Dec-14

edit UnNews:ESA takes costly colour photos of colourless comet

Have re-titled this and tugged it in a few additional directions. Spıke Ѧ 20:36 13-Dec-14

Thanks. Looks great. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:12, December 14, 2014 (UTC)

edit Hello stranger

Long time no hello. I hope all is well with you and your. Say, do you or anyone reading this have any idea who has the most features in 2014? Was it you, or SPIKE? I've got that Fake Pegasus Award to give out, and so want to get it right. Okey dokey. Aleister 15:20 10 1 15

Hello there. Haven't been active here lately. Without counting, I reckon Spike won it, with me obtaining less feature points than 2013. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:26, January 24, 2015 (UTC)

edit TAW

Hi Scott! Would it be possible for you to judge the Best Requested category? This is the only one that remains without a winner. Also, thanks for participating and I'm sorry you couldn't finish your Spanish Civil War. See my comments at Uncyclopedia:The Article Whisperer/Results. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 15:22, January 31, 2015 (UTC)

Xamralco says (at Forum:Should our awards be less time-specific?) that he may have time this weekend. Please synchronize with him. Spıke Ѧ 15:43 31-Jan-15
I can judge Best Requested if you don't have time. Whatever you like. Wow, so many people commenting one after another. It's like a talkpage gang-bang. --Pwn head Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 17:57, January 31, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Internet privacy in danger from outer space

Thanks for the new article! Does this imply that someone in the cosmos will actually read it?!

Remember to use {{Redirect}} to ask on QVFD to have an old name deleted; otherwise someone could delete the actual article by mistake. Spıke Ѧ 16:08 14-Feb-15

Hello Spike. Sorry about the QVFD, I'll remember next time.
I popped by, saw your self-referential article at the top news spot and thought that something needs to be done about that (only kidding). I had an idea for this UnNews ever since I first read the BBC article but only just got round to writing it. Good luck in your electoral campaign by the way. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:11, February 14, 2015 (UTC)

That UnNews has a gimmick apart from the self-reference; but if its sheer crappiness convinced you that the bar was set low today, then all the better! Spıke Ѧ 16:17 14-Feb-15

I thought it was a funny UnNews, don't worry. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:21, February 14, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Miliband pledges pledges‎‎

Jeezus, ScottPat! If you ever want a graphic of this on the Front Page, then instead of having a busy and cluttered photo that will frustrate the reader when we make it tiny, with a caption apologizing for not writing a funny caption, instead just make Miliband's gesture the photo (without embellishment) and tell the exact same text joke, in text (as a caption). Spıke Ѧ 19:56 14-Feb-15

I featured your other one, UnNews:Internet privacy in danger from outer space, though it fell off the bottom yesterday in view of other contributions. But I changed the photo to our usual "Walmart on Mars" one. The process of preparing VFP-ready shoops is distinct from preparing realistic-looking UnNews articles, which should have not propaganda posters but photos that look newsworthy until the reader pays close attention. I hope you forsake Real Life to return for more this weekend; remember, "she" will eventually sleep around but we will always be here for you. Spıke Ѧ 15:30 21-Feb-15

Foolitzer Thanks for your contribution to the February 2015 renaissance of UnNews!
EStop • Funnybony • Jimlemon • Romartus • ScottPat • SecondChanceForMe • Sog1970 • SPIKE
Spıke Ѧ 15:32 22-Feb-15
Test. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:10, March 29, 2015 (UTC)
Uncyclopedia seems to be working for me, finally! Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:11, March 29, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Cameron proposes a seven-day NHS

Sorry, I was on the road when this one came in. I have copy-edited it; mostly mincing words and hoping to say the same thing, except in one place: If the two men bicker over "sneering socialist" and Miliband asserts that the term "socialist" is not in doubt, UnNews must obviously portray his response as "sneering"! Cheers as usual for throwing zingers at both sides. The Guardian's quote, "You are actually more likely to die if you turn up at the hospital at the weekend" is a remarkable achievement. More likely than if you decline to turn up at the hospital? Spıke Ѧ 23:22 29-Mar-15

Well, there you are, above the fold! Spıke Ѧ 00:15 30-Mar-15

Oops! knocked over to the 3-Spot by a subsequent submission which, although not award-winning, lets me trot out the PANIC IN THE SKIES graphic beloved by all newsmen. Spıke Ѧ 03:46 30-Mar-15

Ta very much! I hope I can get a few news articles in about the General Elections as it builds up towards the vote in May. I always try to give a balanced news story by attacking all.
It's actually quite interesting how Ed Miliband uses the term "socialist" so easily and so frequently considering that Labour, if anything, need to target votes from the centre-left and not the far left. Perhaps we are seeing the rise of a man who sticks to his principles, determined to move away from Blair's centre-right New Labour or perhaps we are seeing a mis-targeted campaign with money pumped into making sure Ed Miliband doesn't fall over or badly eat a sandwich. That being said Labour have pushed ahead slightly in the polls. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:07, March 30, 2015 (UTC)
PS - Also in the BBC's attempt to maintain the most un-biased reporting of the election ever possibly conceived, to be able to find substance for UnNews articles (rather than un-opinionated economic reports), I have been using the Guardian as my main source (the point of call for those of the liberal-left persuasion). Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:11, March 30, 2015 (UTC)

Admirable neutrality from a reader of the Guardian! Over here, I hope to have done a good rendition of the bipartisan loathing as we race to yet another Bush/Clinton contest. Spıke Ѧ 19:19 30-Mar-15

Yes, that has struck me as rather peculiar. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:20, March 30, 2015 (UTC)

In the early going, Jeb Bush's most notable position has been public slaps against his supposed allies in the Tea Party movement, while Hillary Clinton faces the more extreme Elizabeth Warren. In short, it is center-right versus center-left, two positions that have always underwhelmed me as showing they are in politics out of desire to find a sparsely populated niche, rather than because they believe in stuff. Hah! idealism Spıke Ѧ 19:35 30-Mar-15

Separately, thanks for reaching out to other Uncyclopedians and trying to stir the social pot. I wonder if your month-long outage was a new Wikia "issue" with Mobile. Two days ago I tried administering from a hand-held (though using Firefox) and it is something to be avoided: Very hard to give Uncyclopedians patient explanations when the gadget itself makes you almost ready to throw it. Spıke Ѧ 20:20 30-Mar-15

edit General election DIV

  1. Coding that you intend to repeat in several articles calls for a template (I suggest {{2015 British general election}}). This has the added benefit of having any future changes propagate to all affected pages.
  2. It would work better as a float-right, as is {{Old news}}. Spıke Ѧ 18:23 1-Apr-15
Thanks. I'll do that then. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:28, April 1, 2015 (UTC)
This article is part of UnNews' coverage of the:
I've made the template, however, applying it to an article shifts the whole article's text to the right. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:43, April 1, 2015 (UTC)

A clear hint of unbalanced <DIV> and </DIV>. See if it works now. Also, is British General Election a proper name? (Or are you thinking of British General Electric?) I uncapitalized the G and E in the forum, template, category, UnNews page, etc. Spıke Ѧ 18:46 1-Apr-15

I overuse capitals if anything so you're probably right. I'll change that. It does work and thanks for your help once again. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:48, April 1, 2015 (UTC)
I'm hoping to increase the Election Coverage page to displaying 5 articles and also having a side section of some satirical, permanent information articles on the parties and their campaigns. But I'll work on that tomorrow. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:26, April 1, 2015 (UTC)
Nigel Farage is standing in Thanet South. Former home of Viagra in the UK..British General Erection. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 21:36, April 1, 2015 (UTC)
This article is part of UnNews' coverage of the:

I think this (and {{Old news}}) are better used to break up a run of text than placed at the top of a page, where they jostle with the photograph. However, when I added float=left in one of your stories, the separation between the graphic and the text was not present. {{Old news}} has the same problem; do you see it? When I look at the code produced, the { characters that should result in conditionals are rendered literally and disable formatting entirely. I am on the verge of reporting this to Wikia. 13:40 2-Apr-15 Glad I didn't; it was just a typo. Spıke Ѧ 17:32 2-Apr-15

edit Front Page layout


Would a real rosette be better than the lapel pin I'm using now?

An ironic effect of your initiative is to move stories about the British election off the Front Page. My pointer to your new Second Front Page is not prominent enough; but when I moved it to the top, it seemed to be a label for the top graphic and not a link to a separate page. Suggestions? Spıke Ѧ 13:36 2-Apr-15

I originally had the idea that the two bottom (or two left/two right) news articles on the front page have a blue border placed around them with a heading "UnNews' coverage of the British 2016 general election" with the two articles inside being reserved for the two latest election-themed articles. It would also contain a link to the special coverage page. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 16:09, April 2, 2015 (UTC)

It's tweaked; see how you like the look of the Front Page now. Spıke Ѧ 17:34 2-Apr-15

Now answer the question I hid in the caption. Spıke Ѧ 15:25 3-Apr-15

I think the lapel pin is fine. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:20, April 4, 2015 (UTC)

edit You've been here two years?

You've only been here two years? Gosh, I have grandchildren older than you! Also thanks for the welcome back! :) DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 20:55, April 3, 2015 (UTC)

It's my pleasure. I may have only been here two years but I feel quite middle-aged for Uncyclopedia. My days of writing hundreds of articles per month are behind me. I hope to try and be more active over this Summer, but that's what they all say. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 18:22, April 4, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Sturgeon unsure who to support in general election

That is a fine UnNews, but the headline is bad: Someone's uncertainty is not news! Spıke Ѧ 09:33 5-Apr-15

It is if they happen to be the leader of a main political party. What do you suggest I rename it to? Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 09:34, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

Perhaps UnNews:SNP leader dithers over her vote. Spıke Ѧ 10:04 5-Apr-15

Okay! Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:05, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

edit Miniaturization

Sorry to vote against you and in your debt for my first VFD harvest in three weeks. Spıke Ѧ 23:32 5-Apr-15

No problem. We'd rather save them than delete them. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 05:32, April 6, 2015 (UTC)

edit BP oil spill

Your point is well-taken, but it seems you gave it to the wrong guy. Spıke Ѧ 15:18 7-Apr-15

My bad! Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 15:32, April 7, 2015 (UTC)

edit Surrey (disambiguation)

Thanks for this. But c'mon, throw in some humor as well! What about "Surrey with the fringe on top"? Spıke Ѧ 15:58,15:59 8-Apr-15

How's my latest UnNews? Is the title ok? Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 17:15, April 8, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:UK declares national “state of apathy”

In the spirit of Anality, I invite you to steal for the Second Front Page the summary I prepared on the Other Front Page, especially as I complained to EStop that his UnNews started too slowly (and, if he did anything about my complaint, the UnNews might now be out-of-synch with your summary of it). Spıke Ѧ 17:14 16-Apr-15

Ta very much. I will. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 17:19, April 16, 2015 (UTC)

edit In case you haven't yet seen the site notice...

We're organizing the greatest 2015 Spring writing competition Uncyclopedia will ever see! Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 20:01, April 20, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for your UnNews on the smaller parties; this fills a gap and has all sorts of possibilities. I tweaked one section. Are the red-links deliberate (as in, "I want someone to write an article on this")?
Regarding wanting someone to write an article he does not want to write, there are still eight days left for you to volunteer to write an article you do not want to write for the above competition. Spıke Ѧ 15:07 25-Apr-15
Red links are deliberate. But no rush for anyone to create them. I'm afraid my exams start next week. I finish late May, hopefully I can devote more time to Uncyclopedia then. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 15:14, April 25, 2015 (UTC)
A wise choice, as we probably made you flunk your Freshman year. Will you have the time to judge entries? Spıke Ѧ 00:25 26-Apr-15
I'm afraid you over-estimate my age Spike. When will the judging be? I don't want to let people down by signing myself up to it and then have no free time to judge. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 08:30, April 26, 2015 (UTC)
The judging will start on 4-May. Spıke Ѧ 09:23 26-Apr-15
Then I'm afraid conflicts with my exams. If there is a competition this Summer I will be happy to help out then. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 14:25, April 26, 2015 (UTC)

edit UK General election UnNews article

Long time no chat, eh? Just wanted to say hello cause I have so little time now and I'm rarely ever on Uncyclopedia nowadays, but anyways, I am writing an UnNews article about the recent bid to make gay marriage legal in NI so I was just wondering if you could get it on to the UK General election page (but now that I think about it I am going to change the title). Sir TheWikiMan026 CUN,UmP, (Chatter) Norn Iron Flag 18:59, April 28, 2015 (UTC)

Of course I'll give it a feature. It's not often that the voice of Northern Ireland is heard in British politics (from the observation of someone who lives on the outskirts of London). SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 17:06, April 29, 2015 (UTC)
Hi Scott. I'm back in comms finally! Was hoping to work side by side with you for the last run of the election but I see you are studying so best of luck with your exams mate. I'll make a start getting some election news in. --EStop (talk) 19:50, April 29, 2015 (UTC)
I cited this on the website main page; ScottPat, let me know if you don't even have enough time to do it up as a graphic on your Second Front Page. Spıke Ѧ 19:53 29-Apr-15
It's ready to be published! Could you do it for me? I also couldn't think of an appropriate picture so if you could think of one and put it in that would be amazing! Oh, and could you name it "Sinn Féin attempt to make Gay marraige legal in Northern Ireland" Thanks in advance! Sir TheWikiMan026 CUN,UmP, (Chatter) Norn Iron Flag 17:01, May 3, 2015 (UTC)
Sure ting! I've done a bit of copy-editing but feel free to complain. The idea is there in the story but to improve on for next time try going for a little less fact heavy and more joke heavy. It got slightly convoluted at times. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 18:05, May 3, 2015 (UTC)
Did you hear about McGuinness calling for a Northern Irish referendum to legalise Gay marriage? That would be another interesting article. Do you think I should write one about it? Sir TheWikiMan026 CUN,UmP, (Chatter) Norn Iron Flag 17:11, May 4, 2015 (UTC)
I'm afraid I didn't. My knowledge of Northern Irish current affairs, and in fact Northern Ireland itself is extremely limited. If you think there's something to be made from it, by all means write it. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 07:33, May 7, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:UK parties unveil last-minute campaign posters

I touched this up a bit. It needs a real dateline, not just "UK"; I suggest you make up the name of a pub, or come up with something else that implies unseriousness. There are passages that are unfunny as they imply actual judgement on the parties, such as the reference to McCarthyism (did Joe emigrate?) or that "Miliband...clearly doesn't care about the poor at all." As always, the issue is not what you or the supposed article writer believes, but that passages like these would not occur in a real news story. Lead your reader to these conclusions with strategically chosen facts, rather than stating them. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 11:41 1-May-15

I've addressed these. Thanks. The posters themselves are the main point of the article, the text is there to make it look worthy of an UnNews. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 12:22, May 1, 2015 (UTC)

edit Spring Festival

Hi Scott! I saw you on recent changes, so wanted to ask you whether you'd be interested in judging the entries? Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 20:01, May 3, 2015 (UTC)

Sorry, just saw your answers to Spike above. Anton (talk) Uncyclopedia United 20:04, May 3, 2015 (UTC)
My apologies Anton. Time is limited. I am in the middle of exam period and I just about have enough time to keep this going. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 07:34, May 7, 2015 (UTC)
Middle of an exam period? That's no excuse. I got my final exams coming up and...OMG! CYA DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:09, May 8, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:What difference would PR have made in the UK election?

Apart from the fact that a news headline should not be merely a springboard to speculation (you read the news so it answers questions, not asks you questions), PR to me means public relations (Flash: What if the British parties had employed actual popular appeals!) or perhaps Puerto Rico (where backing the winner is a clear second to passing the maximum number of cars on the way to the polls). Perhaps UnNews:Britain considers outcomes under Proportional Representation. Spıke Ѧ 17:10 9-May-15

The answer to the article's question is presented in the news piece. The title is almost a copy of the article on BBC News that I reference in the sources. I accept your point about the title. I was trying to shorten it and your proposed title finds the best solution. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 17:37, May 9, 2015 (UTC)

"BBC News did it first" doesn't cut it with me, Buster. Never regarded them as a major-league racket. Now mentioned on main page. Spıke Ѧ 18:25 9-May-15

edit UnNews:Tory win puts gold-diggers in quandary

I've put EStop's newest on the Front Front Page too, and you may wish to again crib my graphic. Spıke Ѧ 13:49 10-May-15

Done. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 14:10, May 10, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Chuka Umunna to run for Labour leadership

This looks interesting! Surely there is a place in it to quote Bill Clinton, "America's first black President"? Spıke Ѧ 18:13 12-May-15

It's good to go now. Sorry about the delay. Computer/internet problems occurred. If you feel it needs more editing, please go ahead. It looks like Labour are going to have a mountain to climb if they want to win the next election, and that means playing all the cards, even if it means sacrificing some ideals along the way. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 18:35, May 12, 2015 (UTC)

I mentioned Bill Clinton by way of "racial confusion" or as a person with no racial bona fides trying to invent some. I don't see your use of Hillary/Barack as funny, per CoW#Extremists, as Extremists here are using the race card and the sex card ("gender card") in complete seriousness (as the alternative, listing Hillary's "accomplishments," would be less productive!). The emphasis on bean-counting could be hilarious, but only if you make it so with novel cleverness. Spıke Ѧ 18:39 12-May-15

The joke I attempted to make was to ridicule the way in which modern politics attempts to address the issues of poor-representation of diversity. Hence it often puts forward candidates who have more to them on the representing minorities front and less to them on the having good policies front. But I must admit it's not exactly my best UnNews. It's the middle of a hefty exam week but I guess that excuse won't cut it around here. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 18:45, May 12, 2015 (UTC)

That is the only joke to make, perhaps by carrying it to the absurd (first Vampire-American, Paul Ryan; or first Lobotomy-American, Bush). The general reader might like your take; Americans like me have had enough of tokenism instead of competence, especially with the new Attorney General. Democrats started it, but Republicans are playing me-too with Dr. Carson and Ms. Fiorina. I did like your self-correction in the first paragraph. Spıke Ѧ 18:53 12-May-15

Me too. That was a belter Scott, hilarious! --EStop (talk) 19:04, May 12, 2015 (UTC)

All right; so you have heard from your Target Demographic and all is well. Spıke Ѧ 19:10 12-May-15

edit New UnNews backing graphics

Hello Chopper! The UnNews Front Page has its own CSS file; it is 30K that it seems someone just copied from elsewhere (so the reader has to load two copies of it) and most of the stuff in it is useless. One thing it does do is make the usual Uncyclopedia page title go away (in favor of the custom title, which now reads "UnNews Front Page") and provides a background image (and a CSS file is the only way to do this). The background graphic behind the Front Page masthead right now might imitate WikiNews, I don't know, but it's really dumb. Could you do another, such as a huge gathering of people? The result will have to work no matter what the viewer's display size is (that is, it should either go on forever or work even if tiled), and it should be really bleached out because there will be dark text rendered over it. Spıke Ѧ 16:00 16-May-15

To be clear, you need me to find an image of a group of people that is bleached out, which you want to put behind the UnNews main page header? SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 05:59, May 17, 2015 (UTC)

Sorry, I missed your reply. What I want is any photo that looks busy and newsy, and is light enough (or is made light enough) that black text on top of it will be visible. "Main page header" is now known by its real name in the business, "masthead." Spıke Ѧ 18:14 20-May-15

edit UnNews:Seattle canoe race ends in controversy

I did a light copy-edit here and changed the headline ("contraversy"?). Also added one sentence, as I wanted to have a little more fun with the blatant irony, but if you think it re-states the obvious, take it back out. Spıke Ѧ 14:33 17-May-15

edit Masthead

ScottPat's talk page

We distort, you deride

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I edited UnNews:2015 British general election because, in moving the Facebook logo to the masthead on the Front Page, I deleted the template at the top of Recent Headlines. The Second Front Page now calls {{UnNews masthead}}. Spıke Ѧ 21:29 21-May-15

PS--If you do up some backing graphics, this is what they will be backing. Spıke Ѧ 21:30 21-May-15

OK. I'll see what I can do about this image. I presume it will have to be very long and thin to fit that space. I'm thinking a picture of the BBC news writers area (a large open space full of newsy people sitting at desks with computers doing newsy stuff). SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 09:00, May 22, 2015 (UTC)

Spike bleached it and faded the edges; it is in the product now, but you can tweak further when you return.

I can take a thin slice of the picture on the right and bleach it. Is that the sort of thing you were looking for? SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 09:21, May 22, 2015 (UTC)
Unfortunately as of this afternoon I am away on a week's holiday so can't do it until I get back. SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 09:21, May 22, 2015 (UTC)

Well, ideally, not about us writing news, but about news: Traffic jams, riots, earthquakes, and so on, though your candidate could be a piece of it. The bigger problem is that it needs to be not only narrow but long — long enough to extend across the reader's screen, and we do not know what that means. If using squarish photos, there should be several, fading into one another horizontally. It should be amenable to horizontal tiling without looking bad. Spıke Ѧ 13:03 22-May-15

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