| LADIES AND GENTLEMEN (and Uncyclopedians) please note there is a new procedure for asking for a name change.
1. Read this. If 5c, then please use Special:Contact to get the attention of me or one of my colleagues. Note that I won't necessarily see messages here if you haven't done step 2. Please me sure to message me on Community Central first. (It's also worth saying that it's safer to leave other messages there too... Uncyclopedia's separate user database means that I don't get notifications of messages here when I'm on other wikis). If I've deleted a request, and you still want the change, please follow the above. This time I'll sort it, promise! Thanks -- sannse |
While you are here, I have a question for you
I'm not sure if this is an uncyc issue or a wikia thing, so I thought I'd ask. The search bar in the corner, it used to be that if you typed in a username in the search, (ie user:"fillintheblank") it would take you to the user page. Now, I've found that when you do that, if there is an article that is similar in title to the userpage, it automatically takes you to the article instead. The example I'm seeing, is user:Diane. When you type that in search, instead of taking it to the userpage, even clicking on the dropdown takes you directly to an article. Did wikia change the way the search bar works a while back, or is this just some weird bug? It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 03:06, October 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Humm... we've changed parts of it a while back, but not that part. I think it needs looking at by someone with a better knowledge of the search work than I have. Please can you use Special:Contact to send in a bug report? Thanks -- sannse
(talk) 22:46, October 12, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey, I had a second unrelated question. Is it possible to reskin a userpage without it effecting the whole of uncyc? (You know for cosmetic reasons?) I want to be able to change the table on the left with the links for the reskin. Just curious if its possible and how. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 16:13, October 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Yes, it's possible... but how exactly it's done is beyond me I'm afraid. I know that you need to adjust the css and possibly the js, and that will be using the MediaWiki pages for those.... but that's about the limits for me. I'd suggest you ask whoever is the wiki's current css/js guru. Or, if you don't have one at the moment, you could try Community Central's forums or the Monobook Wiki. -- sannse (talk) 21:01, October 15, 2012 (UTC)
- Yes, it's possible... but how exactly it's done is beyond me I'm afraid. I know that you need to adjust the css and possibly the js, and that will be using the MediaWiki pages for those.... but that's about the limits for me. I'd suggest you ask whoever is the wiki's current css/js guru. Or, if you don't have one at the moment, you could try Community Central's forums or the Monobook Wiki. -- sannse
Help
Is there any way I can talk with you directly (not publically). It has nothing to do with any polemics or conflict...theres just a specific question I have. --ShabiDOO 02:41, October 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Sure, the easiest way is to send an email via Special:Contact with my name in the subject. You can also sometimes find me on Freenode IRC under this name, usually in the evenings San Francisco time. /whois to see if I'm online. I'm also on Skype if you use that, we have a public channel there and you can PM... let me know your Skype name and I'll add you. Finally, you can go to Community Central and join the chat there. If I'm not online, there may be another staff member or volunteer who can tell me someone is looking for me. That chat has a private message function too. Hope that helps -- sannse (talk) 21:01, October 15, 2012 (UTC)
Changing username
Hi Sannse. I would want to rename my account from "Bhenry2009" to "Bhenry1990". I registered Bhenry1990 as Wikia Account when i created an account at 伪基百科. Then I cannot register Bhenry1990 here. I wish my english uncyclopedia username were same as my Wikia username and other launguage uncyclopedias'. I left a message this June. But You were not here.--Bhenry2009 (talk) 18:42, November 2, 2012 (UTC)
- Hi, you're done. Enjoy the extra decade -- sannse (talk) 23:58, November 5, 2012 (UTC)
- Thank you very much!--Bhenry1990 (talk) 08:54, November 6, 2012 (UTC)
I apologise
...for vandalising your signature. Also, hi. -— Lyrithya ༆ 05:02, November 15, 2012 (UTC)
Checkuser request
Hi there, could you please perform a checkuser on User:Hipster? We believe he is User:another_n00b and want to find out if this is true. Thank you :) || Airman Yrtneg is a trusty glycerin. 
MUN · Block · Contributions · 
· wp 15:08, November 18, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey Yrtneg. Typically only admins are allowed to make checkuser requests. Also, since Hipster publicly confessed to being Another n00b there really isn't any doubt as far as I know that he is him. He has been given some restrictions but is otherwise free to remain a part of our community. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 19:21, November 18, 2012 (UTC)
Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!
May contain traces of humor!
Nov 20rd, 2012 • Issue 175 • The edition that's black and white and dead all over
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We are all doomed, and it's Wikia's fault
 It's been a quiet four months at Uncyclopedia, our hometown, out here on the edge of the prairie, and it's not just because Wikia have murdered everyone and are currently bathing in golden tubs filled with their blood. It seems Uncyclopedia has lost more users than John Travolta has lost gerbils up his own butt[citation needed], but fear not, Uncyclopedians-who-have-been-here-less-than-one-month! Long-time wunderkind and beloved administrator Frosty (sorry, are we laying it on too thickly?) has a plan to save us, and it involves... getting himself run over by a car. Ha ha! Actually, he posted a forum topic, accompanied by a vote, because that's what Uncyclopedians do in times of crisis, and it always works. Forum:Petitions to make all our users that quit comeback attempts to galvanize Uncyclopedia's remaining users to action by reminding them that we used to have members, Oh! so many members! Most of whom were better than us! Please sign a petition asking them back—sign, you ungrateful todgers, like your lives depend on it—and then email them all on the 14th! In theory, the people receiving said emails will return to Uncyclopedia with smiles on their faces and bliss in their hearts. In practice, however, the plan has been difficult to implement. And by "difficult", we mean "slightly impossible". A frustrated user has narrowed the plan's failure to three causes:
As it turns out, Wikia has limited the number of emails users can send to each other to ONE PER BLOODY DAY, rendering Frosty's scheme to bury our departed users under an avalanche of spam all for naught. As of Monday, November 19, exactly two departed users have been persuaded to return by the campaign, and nobody likes Kakun or Oliphaunte anyway, because they are useless puddles of suckage. It's just as well; most current Uncyclopedians are slightly too drunk to notice that putting a running chainsaw against one's neck is a bad idea, much less understand what the petition is all about. At any rate, if you haven't accidentally decapitated yourself with a chainsaw, do have a look at that forum, and if necessary, make yourself one or two (or forty) sockpuppets, just to spam those long-departed users of ours. The Cabal Wills It.* *(Note: There Is No Cabal) Frosty is dead.
 No, you read that wrong, he is just dead inside. Earlier this month, Frosty nearly had the shit murdered out of him by a car. Luckily, as Frosty is a typical Australian teenager, he was protected from serious harm by his protein-based exoskeleton and his thick layer of poisonous, mucosal warts. The car is expected to recover in time for the rematch; in an interview with our correspondent, the car shouted numerous dark threats while leaping onto a turnbuckle and shredding its T-shirt. In the interim, Frosty has been resting comfortably with the aid of codeine, alcohol, and oral favors from the Asian transsexuals arrayed at his feet. "I find Uncyclopedia no longer holds the same draw for me as it did before," said Frosty, "especially since I've been getting oral favours from these Asian transsexuals arrayed at my feet." So weep, all ye who read this, for Frosty has joined the ranks of the undead, despised by God and abhorred by the God-fearing. On the upside: he can now appreciate those movies about sparkly vampires. On the downside: he wants our blood. RUN! Return of the Prodigal Son
Hearts and minds were filled with joy last month by the tentative return of beloved Uncyclopedian Bizzeebeever, who became scarce in July, leaving behind a terse apology for "having no money for Internetting". Current Uncyclopedia ghost Lyritha was heard to say "Buckets, remind me who that is, again..." before floating away down a corridor, moaning and rattling chains. Or rather, she would have, if ghosts were real, and if we'd asked her. Bizzeebeever's return is said to augur good tidings for the wiki, even though his current contributions consist of pointless pot-shots at Wikia, and short, pithy remarks left on talk pages, such as "fuck you, I hope you are dead", and "please disregard the previous comment, my penis was caught in a pencil sharpener". He also lurks for hours on IRC, talking and playing UnTrivia by himself. It will surprise no one at all that Bizzeebeever is now the person most accomplished at playing with himself; when we asked Zombiebaron about Bizzeebeever's remarkable dominance of a game that no one else plays, he was heard to remark "Zombiebaron", which our interpreters took to mean "Can someone please ban that guy? I am too lazy to do it myself." We at the Unsignpost do hope that Bizzeebeever holds on to his current position as Head of Quality Assurance at the dildo factory, for we have missed his hilarious forum posts almost as much as we missed his habit of talking himself up in the Unsignpost ...and his limpid blue eyes ...and his silky-soft golden locks ...and the charmingly-gnarled 40 kg tumor jutting from his neck—you know the one, it resembles the offspring of a blood tangerine and a baboon, and contains both hair and teeth...? (That might be his head; we're not sure.) Anyway, yes, we all love Bizzeebeever, and we hope he stays "returned", at least until the judge decides whether to hold him indefinitely, or just chemically castrate him, for the safety of the public. Return of the OTHER Prodigal Son
This past week, another intermittent Uncyclopedia member (and full-time Mensch-in-Chief), TKF, returned to swear at SPIKE; delete articles which had even votes on VFD; ban people; feature an article with one "For" vote, one "Against" vote, and one comment on VFH; and be a generally hilarious excuse for an administrator. We all want to be you when we grow up, TKF! |
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~ BB ~ (T) 
~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 9:07 (UTC)
That content warning thing
What about this? If not this, then how about barking dogs? Or room temperature egg salad? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:10, November 20, 2012 (UTC)
- All of them are a problem :( Having a warning just for specific pages would mean the current extension would need recoding. I'm not sure if/when that could happen. I'm also not sure how it would work to minimize views. The current version is only supposed to show once per visit (or less, I'm not sure), maybe that could still work with individual pages...
- Anyway, I'll pass it on (the idea, not the barking egg salad) and see what comes back -- sannse (talk) 18:59, November 21, 2012 (UTC)
- If someone comes here and searches for things that make the squares and prudes freak out, they get to see this:
- ...generally (and that's after the one-time click through warning warning that's got the kids here in a tizzy), but if they go to Wikipedia and, say, search for "vagina"...
- Discuss. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:36, November 21, 2012 (UTC)
- Wikia is not Wikipedia -- sannse (talk) 19:17, November 27, 2012 (UTC)
- That explains why Wikia put the kibosh on my wiki! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:02, November 27, 2012 (UTC)
- We did what where? -- sannse (talk) 19:42, November 28, 2012 (UTC)
- Hoohoowiki. And I don't think Dickywiki's gonna pass, either. Harrumph! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:34, November 28, 2012 (UTC)
- Well that really depends whether it's a comprehensive and accurate project to record all famous people named Richard, or a wiki on the political ambitions and policies of the Democratic Indira Congress (Karunakaran), or a directory of Private detectives in the Lower Manhattan area..... or.... something else -- sannse (talk) 21:56, November 28, 2012 (UTC)
- Are you trying to be funny? We don't much tolerate humour around here. Comedy is serious business. We don't much tolerate serious business around here either. Kind of a catch 22, really. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 06:20, November 29, 2012 (UTC)
- Wait... I thought we didn't tolerate catch 22s around here? -- sannse (talk) 19:11, November 30, 2012 (UTC)
- True, but that's only because we think Catch22 is a boy band. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:16, November 30, 2012 (UTC)
- Wait... I thought we didn't tolerate catch 22s around here? -- sannse
- Are you trying to be funny? We don't much tolerate humour around here. Comedy is serious business. We don't much tolerate serious business around here either. Kind of a catch 22, really. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 06:20, November 29, 2012 (UTC)
- Well that really depends whether it's a comprehensive and accurate project to record all famous people named Richard, or a wiki on the political ambitions and policies of the Democratic Indira Congress (Karunakaran), or a directory of Private detectives in the Lower Manhattan area..... or.... something else -- sannse
- Hoohoowiki. And I don't think Dickywiki's gonna pass, either. Harrumph! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:34, November 28, 2012 (UTC)
- We did what where? -- sannse
- That explains why Wikia put the kibosh on my wiki! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:02, November 27, 2012 (UTC)
- Wikia is not Wikipedia -- sannse
The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!
Now with 20% more ninjas!
Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms
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 No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend
 Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit
A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed.  Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel. |
Frosty Sez:
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~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:30 (UTC)
SANNSE!!!!!!!!
I need to have a talk with you on IRC later, if that is doable... --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 20:03, December 4, 2012 (UTC)
- If I'm there, you can talk to me... and sometimes I even reply!! -- sannse (talk) 23:17, December 6, 2012 (UTC)
- Am on IRC right now, so... --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss
UncyclopedianMeganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 23:21, December 6, 2012 (UTC)- Sorry, if you need something you can look for me there, but I don't go on during work hours (usually), and only rarely otherwise. It really is a lot better to use Special:Contact -- sannse (talk) 22:09, December 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Sorry, if you need something you can look for me there, but I don't go on during work hours (usually), and only rarely otherwise. It really is a lot better to use Special:Contact -- sannse
- Am on IRC right now, so... --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss
Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost
Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.
Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!
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A headline goes here! No, really!
 Well, it's that time of the month when you realize you've wasted another 30 days in the company of Uncyclopedians, and your wife or girlfriend metamorphoses into a giant man-eating banana and rampages through Kuala Lumpur while screaming about "cramps". But cheer up, Mister Cratchit! Eet's Christmas toime! Yes, time to purchase meaningless junk for people you hate, give freely to homeless assholes who are too lazy to work for their own money, and get drunk with other people you hate, because the economy is in the shitter, and if you ain't buying, you're with the terrorists! And now that I've reminded you of your long-lost Christmas spirit, it's time to remind you of something we like to call "VFS"! Yes, VFS is upon us again, and with it come several calls to op some twit named "Bizzeebeever". We Here At The UnSignpost™ can't think of anything that would benefit the wiki less, unless it was feeding live badgers through a blender inside Wikia's datacenter, or perhaps marking the words "UNCYCLOPEDIA HATES JIMBO" onto a large paper bag, filling it with our own feces, lighting it afire, and dropping it through an open window at the headquarters of the Wikimedia Foundation. Or perhaps renting a hot-air balloon and filling its ballast tanks with liquid sewage and flying over the house of one James Q. Wales, Esq. Or perhaps sacrificing virgins on a beach under a full moon, nude, while blasting Slayer from massive speakers while a Coast Guard boat rakes the sand with machine-gun fire...um, where were we again? Ah, yes! The idiots over at VFS are on about something. You should go vote "no".
 This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, our correspondents were on it quicker than Kirstie Alley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHB checked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows:
As you can see, RAHB is a consummate intellectual, and a man among beasts. Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time!
The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals[1]) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all:  Oops.
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~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) 
~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 13:01 (UTC)
Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.
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 I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant!
Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches.  Uncyclopedia and social nutworking!  Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week. |
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~ Wed, Dec 12 '12 14:13 (UTC)
Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost
The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!
Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.
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Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs
 This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together[citation needed], and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes.  However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news!
As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies!
 How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here. |
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~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:34 (UTC)
Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.
May contain traces of humor!
January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!
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Vote! Or else!
Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief".  Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience
 Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled.  Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings. |
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~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:26 (UTC)
Name change, how does that work?
I wanted to change my user name officially to just "Aleister" but have procrastinated. What would that do to my edit history, user page, etc. Would it change everything at once, or would I have to copy and paste some stuff? And I tried to create a new account as Aleister, but it says the name is already taken although when I try to log in as Aleister (I may have already done this) it says their is no user by that name. So chains for the moment until this gets cleared up. Aleister 12:58 3-1-'13
- Do you own the account "Aleister" that was used on de.uncyclopedia? If so, and if you can still log into it, I can give you the name here. All your edit history and so on would transfer to the new account, so that's not a problem.
- Although Uncyclopedia has a different user database from the rest of Wikia, we still consider a name "taken" if it's registered in either place. It's just so someone can't pretend to be another user by registering the same name on the other database. But if you own the de.uncyc account, I can reconcile them. If not, maybe you can go for another variation? -- sannse (talk) 19:19, January 3, 2013 (UTC)
- Ah, that must be it, someone probably has it in another wiki. Thanks anyway, I get by with the rd. Of course there is lots more to talk about in other areas, another time and over some green tea perhaps. Aleister 20:30 3-1-'13
Well, it's over.
I've got some free time and I always wanted to feel important and be a big-and-buff admin. Can I get that status now that everyone else has left, and I'd be the only one around to manage the site? 17:48 5 January 2013
| Sannse, although we all love you, nobody wants to talk with you. You're from Wikia. We don't give a rat's ass about Wikia anymore. Which is, oddly, as Frosty so nicely pointed out, why we're moving. It's your rules we don't like. And now you're even trying to rule over our departure from your wretched company? Not happening. | 
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- Trying to match those two statements together. Are you sure you don't have Dissociative Identity Disorder? Sir CPT Dr GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 03:26 06 Jan
- Isn't there a page or something around here for voting in new admins? I'm sure I saw one, somewhere... -- sannse (talk) 05:11, January 6, 2013 (UTC)
- Isn't there a page or something around here for voting in new admins? I'm sure I saw one, somewhere... -- sannse
