User talk:RAHB

Talk Archive 1 (2/28/07 - 7/6/07)
Talk Archive 2 (7/6/07 - 9/8/07)
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Talk Archive 4 (12/8/07 - 5/18/08)
Talk Archive 5 (5/18/08 - 7/12/08)
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Talk Archive 14 (8/26/10 - 8/13/11)
Talk Archive 15 (8/13/11 - 1/30/12)
Talk Archive 16 (1/30/12 - 7/12/12)

Cock!

And hello to you, my kind sir! -- Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 04:40 13 Jul 04:40, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

Having said that, what do you think of the work that IP has done on Keytar so far? I can't work out if I like it or not, so figured I'd dump the problem on someone else. There is some decent effort going into it though, so I'd like to encourage this one to hang around. -- Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 04:46 13 Jul 04:46, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, I was thinking the same. It seems to have an idea of the proper wiki formatting and some of the jokes are pretty good, but it mostly seems to be one-liners and doesn't really fit for a wiki just yet. I wasn't sure which ICU tag would actually make sense for that. Maybe I should just put a construction tag on it instead. If it's still there after a week we can urge him to join and move it to his userspace. -RAHB 04:50, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

Aaaaand it turns out he removed my ICU anyway. Still went ahead with the construction tag though. -RAHB 04:53, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

That's probably just lack of understanding of wiki courtesy. I threw an {{IPjoin}} at him, but hasn't penetrated through. He's still working on it though, so he may have removed it due to confused edit conflict. -- Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 04:56 13 Jul 04:56, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, usually that sort of thing is just a case of not knowing what the hell an "ICU" is and how it showed up on a page. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on that. -RAHB 05:04, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

Boners!

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:09, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

Aaaaand...guess what?

I got syphilis! Hahaha, no, although that hooker we shared was purty skanky. (I'd advise a checkup at the free clinic, ask for Dr. Karemidian. Dude has just the most awesome overgrowth of Armenian eyebrows.) Anyhoo, what I meant to say was, I got a new ISP! Hurrah! Now we can be together. Forever. And ever. And ever.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jul 15 '12 8:22 (UTC)

There's something creepy about pre-pubescent twin girls standing in hotel hallways saying play with us. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 08:36 15 Jul

Hadn't noticed. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jul 15 '12 8:39 (UTC)

Neither had I. That was from The Sound Of Music or something, right? -RAHB 21:25, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

Hi!

Me again. Any chance you would want this or this? (My caption for the second one would be: "In recent years, Nazi eaters wishing for privacy during their meal have taken to covering their heads with large napkins, a tradition originally associated with the consumption of ortolan buntings." Too pretentious?) ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Jul 16 '12 16:53 (UTC)

Ahahahaha. I wouldn't have thought it needed either, but that caption would fit perfectly with the article, so I'll use the second one. Many a thank, sir. Many a thank. -RAHB 01:28, July 17, 2012 (UTC)

Actually, the first one is also way better than the logo already in the article (which was even worse before I applied a terrible effect to it), so I'll switch that out too. Winnings! -RAHB 01:29, July 17, 2012 (UTC)

Also, again, another indent, is the second one yours? Which I ask because I don't want to just go grab it and upload it all willy nilly without attributing it properly. -RAHB 01:34, July 17, 2012 (UTC)

Any news channel

What's the guideline for what would normally be a QVFD with a construction tag? Can I still QVFD, or change it to an ICU, or what? Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 05:28 17 Jul

That quote on there sounds like something they'd put in a remake of Network, should the movie industry ever commit such a tragedy. Usually QVFD and auto-delete are for one-liners, but this doesn't seem to be much more than a one-liner. I'll err on the side of not deleting it at the moment and just say tag it with ICU. Mainly because I have no idea what the author is trying to accomplish so I can't tell whether he's failed or not yet :/ -RAHB 05:35, July 17, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah. The history is a bunch of copy-pasta, so I doubt the originality here, but I've ICU'd it. I doubt it'll grow, but it might suit an Undictionary entry. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 10:30 17 Jul

We've got boner for news! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

July 19th, 2012 • Issue 170 • Got Wood?

Fancy a Bone? By Chief Everybody loves horrendous drawings of genitals! "The latest meme is Template:Boner." Qzekrom blared into the press room last Thursday. We here in the UnSignpost office were absolutely beside ourselves, if we wanted people to tell us the news we'd open a hotline, a suggestion precluded by our lack of a phone, money or staff. So it came down to a straight choice between considering the reaction and the effect of the new MediaWiki Upgrade and the featuring of a template whose entirety is a very poor drawing of a penis. Naturally, we chose the one that included the smallest amount of penis: Template:Boner. This template is apparently the best thing since sliced bread, and you can use it in practically the same ways; you can spread it with butter and serve it to your friends as a surprise, you can dunk it into egg and, most importantly, consume it with jam. The template stormed to feature status with 23 votes for, which, coincidentally is the same number of votes cast on VFH throughout the whole of March. Nothing it seems mobilises Uncyclopedians better than a penis. The size of the penis in the template may account somewhat for its popularity*. Qzekrom does have a point, and a worrying obsession with css and javascript and all those uninteresting things whose only real function is to produce unnecessary work like page editing and the graphical interface. If you share these interests then you can easily head to one of the many forums he has created to discuss them, if on the other hand you are short on time because of the job you have to go to and be miserable at for fifty hours a week then you can always go to VFH and vote one of of the many penis related articles that Uncyclopedia has to offer. The UnSignpost Dog loves a bone The VFH vote is being called "The third most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia", losing out to some votes that were actually rigged one must assume. Anybody wishing to rig their own vote has only to head onto IRC and start asking if anybody is "up for lulz" today and then simply pitching their idea as "This great thing I found". If you are struggling then feel free to ask Frosty who is the mastermind behind the present craze for boners. Not that anybody is particularly surprised. Have a bonerific week! *Readers are invited to interpret this statement however they like. A Song of Ice and Fire By Scofield Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water. We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive? I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER!

Check out these pages! A serious problem It's boring Vote and so on I prefer: HURGLAAAAAAAAAAAAAB Are you? From our logs: 21:47, July 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopediasucks69 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Unacceptable username) 06:51, July 17, 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla (talk | contribs) blocked 71.179.95.227 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis.) 01:03, July 6, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Abrabudallah (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (YOU HURT ABUSE FILTER'S FEELINGS) 08:43, July 10, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 99.103.84.134 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Blanker. Now, because of you, a block that could have been used on a starving African child is being wasted. For shame.) 19:30, July 9, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.83.21 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (thou shalt not tarnish the dead's pregnancy fetish stash) 00:16, July 11, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (He's a frog lol ;)) Biopic of the Week Not many people get a biopic in the UnSignpost. Actually that's a lie, everybody does, though we maintain the hilarious façade that we can't biopic everybody because of the long queue of people we have awaiting a biopic. In reality the main cause for the lack of a biopic are the crippling inadequacies of the UnSignpost staff. After that tremendously complimentary opening Saberwolf116 is onto biopic number two. The older of you may remember Saberwolf from before his year and a half hiatus, pee reviewer, article voter and an all round splendid fellow, otherwise known as a poopsmith. To be serious for a moment (brace yourselves) while he probably doesn't know it he has been an inspiration to many of his fellow Uncyclopedians, on Pee Review and beyond. He has showed, by example, how to apply oneself to a task and how to function well within this community. He is a model Uncyclopedian and you should do your utmost follow his example, except for the parts where he screws things up and causes everybody to hate him. Saberwolf116 everybody, I hear his penis is very impressive. Old-school FA Sock Puppetry, or the assumption of multiple online personalities, is a growing phenomenon in anonymous online communities such as public blogs, commentable news-info sites, and "wikis." The more popular and extensive Wikis (such as Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia, and Memory Alpha) present an unusually fertile ground for various forms of sock puppetry, since the community interactions within a wiki site are vastly more complex than in other anonymous online communities. Newsroom UnTune of the week Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeDS 16:54, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

Please check QVFD

Can you also put {{QVFD checked}} above everything you reviewed? --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 23:10, July 21, 2012 (UTC)

Typically that isn't used very heavily, but if it makes things easier then sure. -RAHB 23:26, July 21, 2012 (UTC)

Change over

My dearest Mr. Rahb. Could you please change the site notice to

Retro Week has begun. Check out Uncyclopedia's most Belovedest Articles.

(or something like that). And could you please put the article AAAAAAAAA! for today (as of one minute ago)? (we agreed that the features would be the last 10 days of the month...so the bear article would have to wait until the 1st of August).

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks. --ShabiDOO 23:59, July 21, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, I noticed that. The bear article was already featured when I went to feature the first article, but I think I can edit some things around to make it feature in August instead. Working on it at the moment :/ -RAHB 00:07, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, I think I got it. I just have to remember to check something on the 1st... -RAHB 00:20, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah...thats perfect RAHB...thanks.

I don't know if you are able to do it...but do you think you could change the text of this:

So that it says:

Today's Special Retro Week Article:

? Hopefuly to gain a little more interest from visitors. Or is that difficult or impossible to do?

Thanks agian. --ShabiDOO 01:02, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

I've seen it done before with the Top Tens and stuff. Give me a few minutes and I'll see what I can do. Should be a quick edit to a template somewhere or something. -RAHB 01:07, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, got it. -RAHB 01:11, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Rock and Roll.--ShabiDOO 01:14, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

I'm drunk

Big hairy dicks :D (just like old times) --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 07:19, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

What a coincidence. I'm in the process of getting drunk. A big hairy wang to you as well sir! -RAHB 07:21, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

You know, IRC is totally the place to go when you're drunk. I don't actually know why, but like, every Uncyclopedian totally goes to the IRC when they're drunk. It's almost a rule. -RAHB 07:22, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

I'm terribly sober, and thanks. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 07:24 22 Jul

"Terribly" is of course the operative term. And no problem. That's what I have all these buttons for I guess. -RAHB 07:26, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

I would but my uni is g-lined from freenode. --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 07:30, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Wow. I mean, that blows donkey dongs, but at the same time, congratulations for accomplishing a global ban. That's like, almost trophee-like. Of course, you could always use a proxy or something, right? -RAHB 07:38, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Oh I didn't get the ban put in, it's been there since I started here. And proxies are either slow, blocked or cost money (which I don't have) --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 07:42, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

IRC is fairly data-lite, so proxy shouldn't be too painful. Of course, I prefer twitter when drunk. More boobs. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 07:44 22 Jul

Twitter has drunk boobs? Awesome. -RAHB 07:45, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Tweeted that line. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 07:49 22 Jul

Well, chess has been around longer than drunk boobs. But, good man! -RAHB 07:55, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

This sucks --69.132.120.189 19:50, September 22, 2012 (UTC)

Sock puppet

Hey Rahb...who was Rsbj66 the sockpuppet of? He wrote well. --ShabiDOO 23:41, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

I don't know. I don't even remember that name at all. -RAHB 18:10, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

This seems to indicate it was the username Funnybony used before switching to his present account. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:29, 23 July 2012

You up for a colonization?

If so, please see Uncyclopedia talk:Imperial Colonization/project. See also: Forum:SOPA is back for dessert! --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 15:10, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

Get Your UnSignPost! Now More Respected Than The Town Crier!

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The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

July 26th, 2012 • Issue 171 • Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Painting by Numbers By 98.197.156.96 Numbers can shag the sheep, but it isn't any fun. This week some of Uncyclopedia's greatest and not so great have spent some time watching Uncyclopedia pass by without them. This is the news that Wikia has taken the momentous decision to lock out the vast majority of the active administrators and half the users. Problems began at 11:20 UTC on the 24th of July when Socky discovered that he was unable to access a few select features of his account; logging in being the most obvious. Banished to the realm of numbers Socky went to the forums and told everyone else. It soon became apparent that nobody could log in, except for Bizzeebeever, who "made the software his bitch" by pressing the log in button more than even wikia had anticipated. As everyone sat on the forum and debated just how angry and indignant this news should make them, a wikia representative was dispatched to the forum to pour oil on troubled waters, suggesting that Uncyclopedians "Return to causing world suffering or burning me in effigy". But burning effigies of Wikia staff members would have to wait as it became evident that, following the initial lock out of everybody, the adminstrator database had somehow been lost when it was being carried to a new building, or something like that. The administrator magic then gushed into the ground and caused a giant peach to grow outside Wikia headquarters. Pictured: The administrative database This condemned the administrators to a long evening of moaning on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel, where another Wikia representative awaited with nothing but a can do attitude and a lack of information about the problem to ensure that everybody remained as irritated as possible. Even worse than that, following a great deal of moaning somebody started off UnTrivia, forcing everybody through an evening of anagrams and obscure song lyrics. At the time of going to press only Thekillerfroggy appears to have been able to force his way through the log in procedure to use admin tools while users who could log in took full advantage of the absence of any administrators to fill the forum with appalling alternatives to fixing the problem. It would seem that, at present, the only solution is to make a new account and then curry favour with TKF, the only way to do this being fellatio or copious helpings of wang. 13.145.208.87 had this to say about the outage: "Zombiebaron.... FU WIKIA". 67.173.252.79 reported a similar feeling saying "Ahahahahahahahahah...god dammit, why can't I log in?". As we enter a second day with all the admins locked out something novel occurs to me; I can watch Uncyclopedia, and I can shag the sheep, but I don't want to if nobody knows it was me. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich By Socky Loramycetaceae of Ipswich do lorikeets while sitting amidst consecrators a-disciplining the elite. My gonads' dictum ipsilaterally saps your mom. Nullification of the masses accretes the Nibelungen's pretty umpty temperament. Done accelerating liberation. Done cunting shit amidst nisin from a pedo auctioneer named Hendrik. Protein from Trisha's antique rises into risus sardonicus. Doodlebugs' necks beget a menu with fetus. Protein exposure lectures quip Magdalena Corvallis, files nisei fermenter magma, nut amputate diam denim ac tulles. Groin peed. Coned a joust ac oleo perambulator lacing. In presidium collision purls. Letitia venations, nils veal consenter plenteousness, orcas mi male Tussuad urns, veil tempoes nuns est at gurus. Nascence volute. Vivacious Yul trices. Crays portrait offends libeler. Nuns mi amass, collisional veal, dissimilar quips, volute vitae, nuns. Done consequent. Coned congruent peed sit meat denim. Duelist pulmonary ants. Nuns consecrate tether. Done cactus cum, qualm sit mate pulp Tate oculists, just libeler various purrs, seed biennium Turpin purls beget Loramycetaceae. Quizzes we equine dew, Budapest neck, male Tussuad veld, fermentation in, odors. Phallus invites torpor. Integer neck elicit. Nam vitae felts vile Loramycetaceae lacerate Hendrik. Present ornate. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich dolor sit meat, conch secreter a-discoing lite. Sunlamp Isis. Plenteousness vaccinial volute arch. Bisque non nun. In ornate commodity venality. Swed nun rises, gravid at, concuss id, tempts you, Sulla. Phallus is lacking, commodore sled, incident pulmonary, facilitates Vella, Nissie. Vivacious Budapest. Noella enigma. Donne portal Allison dolor. Groin non Maurise. Letitia Loramycetaceae urns, vestibular eat, aliquot vitae, suspicious neck, tulles. Letitia so dales diam egret equine tempos aorta. In ult rices Dolores. Also, I can log in again! Hurrah!

Check out these pages! Zorks! Awkward WikiEd is silly YAWN! That's so retro From our logs: 10:24, July 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.148.242.53 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I will certainly duel you good sir kni- AHAHAHAHA SNEAK STABBAN ATTACK! I WIN!) 05:17, July 24, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 96874 seconds ‎ (Begged for it. Pathetically. With fellatio. Which was respectable, but still rather pathetic.) 00:18, July 24, 2012 Xamralco (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.115.48.5 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Are you hitting on me?) 06:47, July 21, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Adhans (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (with this month off you can maybe find the time to draft one article with fifty words instead of the other way around) 17:14, July 23, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.198.208.29 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Literal wanker.) 06:43, July 20, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.178.153.139 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Before you make your next edit, consider this: Your last few got you banned for a week.) Biopic of the Week What can you say about GEORGIEGIBBONS that he has not said already? Especially as he has already said that he is an asshole. You might not see GEORGIEGIBBONS around the wiki as he is a hopeless timewaster, or IRC user as we normally call them. He does however do a fair bit of recent changes patrolling and votes on VFH when begged to do so. One of his main claims to fame is having the worst internet connection out of everyone in IRC, a title he regularly competes for with ChiefjusticeDS who connects with a Nokia N-Gage. A big positive with GEORGIEGIBBONS, besides the seconds you save by not having to switch off caps lock to type his username, is that he rarely involves himself in drama and it would be splendid to see him editing the wiki a bit more rather than hanging out in IRC lynching other Uncyclopedians and solving anagrams. He's an asshole that way. Wordˢ̭ of the week, provided by: PuppyOnTheRadio Erotic Using a feather as part of love-making Kinky Using the rest of the chicken Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--OliOmniOmbudsman 15:19, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

User:RAHB/Frank Zappa

I read your bit on Zappa. Seems pretty straightforward. I don't know much about him (although my dad's crazy for him). I do, however, currently have Apostrophe (') on hold at the library, although it seems as though it's not coming anytime soon. But once I got a hold on everything and have all the materials needed, I'll probably do the re-write on Zappa. MAT​THL​OCK 17:18, July 31, 2012 (UTC)

Most of what's on that page isn't actually "my bit on Zappa". It's in my userspace because it's just a list of ideas and then a bunch of stuff that I lifted from the current revision (which I had nothing to do with) in the hopes of properly rewriting the article into something genuinely amusing and also befitting of the man himself. Be my guest at doing the rewrite, since I've been stalling on it, mainly because of perfectionism. I must say though, it's probably going to take a lot more research than simply the most commercially successful of his 91 albums in order to paint a terribly accurate picture :P -RAHB 19:54, July 31, 2012 (UTC)

Okay. Also I currently got the Real Frank Zappa book on hold as well. Would you also recommend watching bits from 200 Motels to be helpful to get an idea? MAT​THL​OCK 17:37, August 3, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, dude, yes. The Real Frank Zappa book is probably the best reference you could possibly have. I recommend reading it for writing the article, but I also just recommend reading it for enjoyment in general because it's a hell of a book. 200 Motels would also be excellent to watch because it depicts a lot of Frank's ideas of what touring and being a professional musician are like. Beyond that, both are pretty damn funny in my opinion. Unfortunately 200 Motels is hard to get a hold of because the masters were destroyed by the production company a long time ago and there's currently no DVD release, but there are a number of video rips on various internet sites and the like. Those would be excellent. -RAHB 01:05, August 4, 2012 (UTC)

Nerd shit

Apparently Gentoo's "AMD64" stuff is what you want for an i3. And they do have pre-compiled binaries, if you still want to go that-a-way. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Aug 4 '12 11:50 (UTC)

Yeah, I've got the AMD64 one burned to a CD. Think I'm just gonna bite the bullet though and leave the laptop with just windows on it. I can't imagine the continuous headache I'd have trying to get all the hardware working in a base system. Problem with installing linux on laptops. I was thinking I'd maybe even go with Ubuntu, but I figure Windows 7 really isn't bad, so I'll just backup all my data on that partition and then use my linux desktop to do pretty much everything that might be a massive security threat. Or something. -RAHB 19:34, August 4, 2012 (UTC)

You could also run...let's say...Mint, or even Knoppix, from a SSD (especially fun if you've got a built-in SD reader). Totally doable. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Aug 5 '12 8:20 (UTC)

Mango Flower

Hi RAHB, how's it? Here is another psych picture made by a close friend of the Beatles, Colin Jury, which he calls Mango Flower. Thought you would dig it. Stay cool! Cheers!--Funnybony  16:51, Aug 4

Of course I dig it! In fact, I really dig this particular one, the texture and color palette are very nice in addition to the awesome psychedelia. That's the kind of image I'd frame in my home and hang on the wall or something :) -RAHB 19:36, August 4, 2012 (UTC)

No need for eye protection, it's the UnSignpost!

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The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By ME, I Swear!

August 9th, 2012 • Issue 172 • You need to know stuff to be biased!

The state of the Wiki: Summer 2012 By Chief The biggest news of the week this week is that there isn't any news whatsoever, sure there are a few forums in the dump that promise to radically shake up the way everyone edits Uncyclopedia, or at least change it slightly. But for the most part there is no news, which always comes as a great relief to everyone in the UnSignpost office as it means that we can spend this week drivelling about pointless minutia and thus crawl that one vital step closer to death. The state of the wiki is this: nobody is voting for half of the monthly awards. This is naturally a cause of great concern for everybody, the prevailing feeling being that somebody should be nominating and voting for people on these awards, but we'd rather it wasn't us. Nobody is happy with the current VFS system, but nobody can agree on anything to change it to, so the current VFS system has remained with he proviso that everyone sneer about how unfair it is every time it is used. This periodical has already chronicled the appalling miscarriage of justice that allows administrators extra votes on VFS so it with an air of surprise that the UnSignpost can now bring to you a proposal to let administrators run everything. Uncyclopedia's 29th wordy controversy filled blockbuster of the year suggests that the admins run everything because they are the most thorough and most experienced users, the voting section of the same forum being filled with comments from admins saying "Tl;dr" and "I can't be bothered to read your entire essay", hand these splendid fellows the keys to city immediately, the UnSignpost implores you to entrust the administrative body with any nuclear codes or state secrets you might have, safe in the knowledge that they will never ever be looked at. Pictured: This week's admin work schedule Thekillerfroggy has solved the problems of the Worst 100 list by skipping 60 reflections and justifying it with a cliché, absolutely nobody notices and continues adding reflections about themselves and why they are adding a reflection to the list. Modusoperandi adds an actual reflection to the list causing the universe to begin collapsing in upon itself. The final and most grave piece of news is that Uncyclopedia is critically low in images of boobs, totalling only 634 pictures in the boob images category, now either some of you aren't correctly categorising your images of boobs, or there is a serious problem. Socky, who long ago took on the arduous and time consuming task of auditing the boob images category said "How I wank on audit the images properly if they are incorrectly categorised? Please don't keep your not safe for work images to yourself. Categorise them and thus share them with the world!". Uncyclopedia Needs More Vandals By One Step Away From Copyright Violation The UnSignpost editorial staff trying out some vandalism Yeah, you heard me, <insert name here>. Uncyclopedia needs more vandals. Why, you may ask. Why would we need more annoying basement-dwellers to ban? Well, I'll tell you. As all of you may have noticed, Uncyclopedia has been going through some inactivity lately, to the point where users who haven't signed on since who knows when are becoming more active on the site than users who check the website everyday. It seems our competitor has been gaining more activity than us, and we can't let that happen, now can we? There's only one way to get our activity back up: recruit vandals. Most vandals are EDiots anyway (of course, the best vandals are admins), so if we attract some vandals here, maybe they'll attract some more writers! And... er... Second thought, we don't need more vandals. Vandals suck and they should die.

Check out these pages! Why aren't we voting on this? Whales! What's yours? Read this! This is a terrible idea From our logs: 17:50, August 1, 2012 Lyrithya (talk | contribs) blocked 109.152.200.136 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (The cat said you were evil. ) 01:06, July 31, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked Waltdisneyfan999 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (I can't trust Mr-ex to form a coherent sentence most of the time, but I can generally trust his transcendent knowledge of trolls and sockpuppets.) 10:05, August 6, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Lmarine0510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Whenever you add a shock image to a page on Uncyclopedia God sets fire to a school bus) 06:37, August 4, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 108.59.252.58 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite (LOLDONGS) 12:51, August 8, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 95.0.200.42 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Creating shite pages, I got banned for that once.) Service outage of the Week So the UnSignpost delivery schedule is in something of a state of flux at the moment, it arrives every two weeks and then it arrives weekly. This is an intolerable state of affairs and you all deserve an explanation. It's all your fault for not writing splendid articles that we can use to fill up the gaping white space that confronts us every single week. Why not write a splendid article that can be placed into the UnSignpost, thus freeing up our editor's busy schedule and allowing him to spend less time slaving away at his keyboard and more time windsurfing with foreign dignitaries. Old-school FA Adobe Potatochop CS4 is the industry standard software for chip production amongst chip shops the length and breadth of England. Available with a number of plug-ins, including the most recent 'extra crispy' update, it is, along with Adobe Suppersready and Adobe Fritolayers, one of Adobe's most well known pieces of software. Released first in the United States, it is currently available for Pringles XP and Pringles Vista under the slogan "Once you chop, you can't stop" and also for Apple Mac as CS4 (Chip Shop 4). Newsroom UnTune of the week Bobby Brown Goes Down (PMRC Edition)

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--ChiefjusticeDS 07:09, August 10, 2012 (UTC)

I'm completely baked right now

I LOEV YOU RAHB WITH MY LEFT AND RIGHT TESTICLES (especially the left) <3 i wish you were here getting stoned with me --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 10:56, August 13, 2012 (UTC)

Dammit, and wouldn't you know it I was getting stoned that night. But I was too engulfed by porn and Doctor Who to sign on. -RAHB 05:35, August 16, 2012 (UTC)

How's right now for you then? I have £25 worth and then I'm going to eat two large pizzas and drink 3 beers. God I love being me. --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 09:37, August 18, 2012 (UTC)

Ah, see, now when that was happening, I was drinking this incredibly wretched corn whiskey that they sell in mason jars. They actually put on the bottle, as a selling point, "Less than 30 days old." It's like drinking battery acid. Oh, but then I got really high and fell asleep. -RAHB 00:09, August 21, 2012 (UTC)

I have no more weed :( that's probably a good thing as I have essays 'n' shit to write. --MasterWangs CUNT and proud of it! 10:34, August 22, 2012 (UTC)

Some guy outside my school asked me today if I know where to find any "dank Mr. Nice Guy". That's some sort of pokemon or something, right? -RAHB 01:17, August 23, 2012 (UTC)

Wait, how old are you, RAHB? (Wait, what did I just say?) MAT​THL​OCK 22:11, October 31, 2012 (UTC)

I'm 22. -RAHB 07:30, November 1, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, just wondering. Don't worry; I won't use that information against you. MAT​THL​OCK 01:10, November 4, 2012 (UTC)

That Castlevania thing?

Hey, remember me? We talked on IRC in few days ago in past about collabing on Castlevania-article. I sort of thought that because I have played only two Castlevania's, it would be hard for me to create article about the whole serie. So, as we have both played Aria of Sorrow, that would be a good idea to write about right? And, if Mr-ex777 is even interested at participating, he/she has played it too! I also had an idea for the article; to do something completely different than other game-related pages here; I thought that if Soma Cruz (the main character, remember?) would personally tell the plot, about the characters, criticism, himself... How'd you like that idea? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 08:53, 18 August, 2012 (UTC)

Could work, certainly. As I said before, what I'll be able to add along to it is probably more absurdity or straight jokes that aren't necessarily all much related to the topics of the games in and of themselves, especially not knowing a whole lot about the characters and overarching story and what not. And we'll probably have to clean up after Mr-ex a bit. Any time you'd like to start let me know. I haven't been as active lately because of my studies, but I'll try to get some stuff in on it. -RAHB 00:20, August 21, 2012 (UTC)

Pee Review?

We need your PEE! Good day loyal PEEING member.The management was wondering if you had noticed the state of the toilet recently. We appear to have developed something of a blockage, and wondered if you might have a plunger handy. Possibly you are one of the rare PEEING members who does actually do regular reviews, in which case please flush this message immediately, otherwise... It's time you reviewed something you lazy bum!

--ChiefjusticeDS 18:18, August 20, 2012 (UTC)

ChiefjusticeDS enjoys buttsex: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

August 23rd, 2012 • Issue 173 • One periodical to rule them all...

Don't mention the merger By Chief Simsilikesims visits UnScripts Playwright of the Month the wastelands. The UnSignpost office is always busy, the phones ringing, the journalists writing, the constant clamouring of eager interview candidates and our editor daydreaming all of the above into existence. If anyone else came through the office every week there wouldn't be room for the crippling loneliness that forms such a massive part of our lives. The same, alas, cannot be said for UnBooks Author of the Month and UnScripts Playwright of the Month whose complete lack of any activity has resulted in them both being rolled into writer of the month. Why is this news? Because it means less voting and if there's less voting there must be less democracy, that's just common sense. Responsible for this dastardly plot is none other than Simsilikesims, you all know Simsilikesims, she's the person who wrote the content warning which we now see approximately six times a day. If you didn't know how content warnings worked before you definitely do now. Simsilikesims has had a number of these good ideas and it's likely that shortly we shall see her malevolent intent, possibly in the form of combining the UnTunes namespace with the mainspace because not enough people are singing their articles in the style of Dragonforce or however it is those people who don't understand magnetic fields sing their songs. What would an intolerable loss of the right of Uncyclopedians to let parts of the wiki fall into a state of abandonment and disrepair be without Thekillerfroggy to swing the hammer of despair? Hoping nobody would notice TKF also decided to smite Reviewer of the Month into the ether. RotM is an award that literally nobody was ever interested in... It's also the only award I've ever won twice, so don't mind me, I'll just be over here sobbing while I look through the archives of the first award I ever won... The Caped Crusader considering an update to the latest UnNews template In other news Mattsnow has stepped down as UnNews' biggest cheese. The war to replace him is now on, the choice being between GlobalTourniquet and a machine who will plaster something onto the front page every so often, a machine and nobody at all. We here in the UnSignpost office haven't quite decided which we prefer and have ultimately decided to vote for Batman instead. Batman has a grappling hook to reach hard-to-reach places, sneaks around wearing leather and is a complete social retard while he's doing the job, in other words he's perfect for the position. If he can save Gotham from the Joker then we have absolute confidence in his ability to read articles and then put them in a template on a fairly regular basis. Do you have an opinion? Too bad, because you don't get a say; GlobalTourniquet started doing the whole thing last Saturday. Happy Thursday! The feature feature By Chief Don't make Thekillerfroggy knock down your ceiling... "VFH sucks right now." proclaims the banner that greets all visitors to the VFH page. We've all seen it, probably whilst passing through and very pointedly not visiting VFP which is now beginning to resemble the immediate aftermath of a Nuclear event. However, this reporter has come up with an alternative explanation: it isn't VFH that sucks, it's all of you, and by extension all of us, which also happens to be all of me. Uncyclopedians, famous for their flame wars and constant douchebaggery seem to have come to the conclusion that when on VFH that it's better not to vote than to disagree. What else could account for the 15 plus voter turnout for articles that we all agree are fantastically well written/crafted, while articles which may well be of high quality, but bear the title "UnNews:Politicians politicise the filing system of plumbing the South-Eastern region of the Ukraine" struggle along, accruing 7 votes for before sitting on the feature queue until they die of old age. This alongside the fact that people can't be bothered means Thekillerfroggy is beside himself at the state of things. Why TKF? Because he seem to have appointed himself supreme worrier in-chief for VFH and is executing that duty by slapping increasingly urgent messages onto the page. "DON'T MAKE ME PUT IN CAPITALS" twitched Thekillerfroggy when approached by the UnSignpost about the latest message. ... Or expose you to ionising radiation How do we fix this? Voting, obviously, but it's more than that. Yes, you might only have time to vote on just one article, yes you are probably more likely to enjoy the article with 20 votes than 5, but unless you vote the articles with 5 votes will never have 20. There are lots of articles to vote on, but you have ages to do it in! This article has been there for a month and has managed 10 votes. Twitter managed 17 in 5 days! Are you people pulling our balls? Don't make us use the awe inspiring powers of caps lock to get our way, VOTE NOW!

Check out these pages! Still going Tweet tweet We're famous! Teh feechur Q Nobody Cares From our logs: 15:41, August 15, 2012 Hotadmin4u69 (talk | contribs) blocked 83.146.246.120 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You are such a good contributor that I am giving you the next week off to find Jesus.) 15:43, August 12, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 198.228.200.154 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Incorrectly adding ICU tags and generally taking it up the arse like a champ) 09:51, August 21, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 71.129.63.113 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (I think you need to lie down for a week after producing that noble effort. ) 03:11, August 14, 2012 Lee Harvey Osmond (talk | contribs) blocked WONDER WANDAL (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (but ur like, rly rly dum) 16:44, August 9, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked Imrealized (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ("this is stupid" your profound criticism is valid and necessary, where's your pulitzer dude???) 22:04, August 17, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked Mohamed loves hot canadian (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months (Suicide is painless, but it brings on many changes) 06:16, August 20, 2012 Hotadmin4u69 (talk | contribs) blocked Tauhid (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Leave that picture alone. And don't revert admins. And suck me dry.) Biopic of the Week I was in two minds about the biopic this week. One of my minds wanted to biopic a picture of the UnSignpost dog or how much I enjoy cutting corners by filling sections of the UnSignpost with pictures of a dog, the other wanted to biopic a real person with a pancreas. So congratulations Snippy, you win the biopic on the basis that you actually exist. Snippy is one of those suspicious fellows who we all suspect has done all this before. He's funny, an immediate danger sign, he's polite, another danger sign and, most damning of all he's competent. Naturally Uncyclopedia has welcomed him with open arms, a noob of the moment nomination and constant accusations that he is somebody's sockpuppet. All of you who haven't met him yet should swing by his talk page and say hello, read his Minecraft article and vote for him on Noob of the Moment. Be sure to discourage him from such displays of competence in future, or we'll have to ban him out of principle. We'll probably return to the biopics of traffic cones and imaginary animals in the next UnSignpost, so no need to be concerned that we're upping our game. Old-school FA Aesop's Fables are a collection of moral tales by Aesop, who is some old, dead, Greek guy. These fables use interesting stories, which feature English-speaking animals as the character base, to get across a moral. They were written to be relevant and meaningful to children who could relate to the various stereotypes the animals symbolized. Aesop wrote his stories in this manner because he was inarticulate and couldn't just get to the point. I had a collection of fables when I was younger, and you know what it taught me? Not a goddamn thing! Newsroom UnTune of the week Congressman in Drag Hammer Time!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:27, August 23, 2012 (UTC)

RAHB

I've been nominated for Perv of the Month. How would you like to vote for me? MAT​THL​OCK 17:50, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

Whatever floats your boat :) -RAHB 19:42, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you

I have no idea what was going on in that user's head when he decided to write "YOU'VE BEEN WHIPPED!! I IS IN DAR CITY" on my userpage and reverted to (what I presume was his) edits, even though they violated the rules on how NRV works. What does that even mean? Anyway, thanks for reverting and banning him. -- ENTER CITADEL T)alk C)untributions B)an 23:34, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, he's just a regular vandal that comes here and...does that sort of thing. No worries. -RAHB 23:48, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks...

For voting me as Perv of the Month. As a reward, I will not bang your girlfriend. MAT​THL​OCK 20:40, September 5, 2012 (UTC)

Then the whole thing was worth it. -RAHB 03:40, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

Crappolio-Faggolio

HA HA HA AI EV VANDALAIZ'D IOUR PEIG END IOUR SAIT. ORA LO STILE ITALIANO DEL CRAPPOLIO COLPISCE SEMPRE VIVA IL CRAPPOLIO. NON PUOI BLOCCARMI. --Faggolio (talk) 03:42, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

It's always good when vandals let you know they're around. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 04:54 06 Sep

It's even better when they're speaking...what is that, Latin? That's funny. -RAHB 13:07, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

Set phasers to frag! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mum Said It Was Cool!

September 6th, 2012 • Issue 174 • When we were your age, this was all fields...

My "coming out" By Chief This story is exceptionally gay Hey girlfriends! This week the UnSignpost puts the "Queen" in "Drama Queen" as it discusses the issues which are literally the bomb. The biggest bomb this week, besides how darling our UnSignpost correspondents look in their new outfits, is that Zombiebaron wants the wiki to improve, this means deleting most of it and playing trivia on IRC. The bigger news is that PoofyOnTheRadio also wants the wiki to improve, this means not playing trivia on IRC and sending editors out onto the internet in order to sell their bodies to Google in the hopes that this will increase traffic to the wiki. These squabbles are ultimately self-defeating, while we are arguing amongst ourselves whether or not we ought to change the beginner's guide into an 20 minute video and a fireworks display we still haven't managed to do anything. What we have decided is that articles can be deleted with less than +5 votes to delete and that RAHB is very good at trivia if nothing else. The other big news from weeks ago is that Mattsnow has stopped being in charge of UnNews after a period of however long it is he has been doing that. Shabidoo who loves to do "zany" stuff so he can get into the UnSignpost, has created an extra forum to ensure that absolutely nobody thanks Mattsnow and instead demonstrates just how hilarious they are. Congratulations to Zombiebaron who came out with the completely obvious joke before anyone else. Finally GlobalTourniquet, the new UnNews Quasar (by appointment of himself) is open to criticism... and penis, lol. VFHarassment By Chief There's nobody here... Remember the heady days of two weeks ago when we told you all to feel very bad because VFH didn't have enough nominations. Well forget that because now it does and we can move our sensationalist bandwagon elsewhere. Where better to send it than Pee review, currently known as the namespace that isn't a namespace that time forgot. Five reviews for the entire month of August demonstrates that nobody really seems particularly interested in assisting the review process. It might take a little while to do a Pee Review but there is a reason we have the space. It is of particular concern as we have a list of people who are supposed to be doing reviews at least once a month, myself included. Where are we? Who knows, but we certainly aren't perusing the list of articles awaiting review. Let's go over there! Let's bring Thekillerfroggy who can put a stern template at the top of the page and insist that this is hugely important to the wiki, guess what.... IT IS!!! Also there is likely to be a new VFS this month, bring on the voting, it makes everything better! REVIEW SOMETHING YOU BUNCH OF SLACKERS! Why, again, are we counting to a million? By One Step Away From Copyright Violation A tremendous waste of everybody's time please Carol Ever since 2008, Uncyclopedia has had a tradition of counting to a million. Started by Spang, this tradition has been going on for nearly five years. However, recently the question was asked relating to the value of the forum, with users complaining that it was "completely devoid of humor" and that it turns smart users into idiots. After mass protest (okay, not really) from the contributors of the thread and from someone else, said users commented on the forum saying that counting to a million is why so many articles supposedly suck nowadays and it's also why VFH is completely empty. It has also been stated that only idiots would do it. So now I'm attempting to answer it as quickly as I can: that's the point. We're idiots and we know that we're never going to make it to a million, but we want to see how close we can get anyway. So if you are the type of idiot that would write for Uncyclopedia, feel free to assist us in our count to one million, or close to.

Check out these pages! Tweet tweet Candy Girls! VFS!! The real VFS link From our logs: 03:08, August 30, 2012 Lee Harvey Osmond (talk | contribs) blocked 95.233.217.65 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite (if i were confident that you understood english, i'd say something naughty) 21:56, August 29, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 212.183.128.49 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 days (Caring about football... that's actually a life sentence when you think about it.) 00:03, August 30, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 76.178.53.110 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 months (Stay away from theatres, you thespian!) 19:02, September 3, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 86.151.117.175 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (lol blacks. They're almost as bad as Jews.) 02:32, August 29, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Roccohene (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Gambling is a sin, but Jesus still loves you. Visit your local church and repent today!) Biopic of the Week We haven't put the UnSignpost Dog in the UnSignpost for ages, so now we have. Old-school FA Since the dawn of time, Man has been responsible for creating his own entertainment. The ingenuity of the human mind has given us cock fighting, badger baiting, pogroms and, most consistently popular, WAR. Rarely has there been a time when man has not taken pleasure from smiting other men with the jaw-bone of an ass, or amused his friends by firing Phosphorus missiles into crowded population centres. But not all wars are the same, so just which wars did we enjoy the most? Over the centuries Historians have struggled to find consensus on just how to measure the popularity of wars and this dispute itself led to the so called “Wussy War” of 1952 when Professor AJP Taylor triumphed over the forces of Noam Chomsky. Newsroom UnTune of the week Piano Ballad

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--ChiefjusticeDS 10:54, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

September admin nominations

Go nominate and vote for new admins here. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 03:06, September 11, 2012 (UTC)

Project Castlevania

I'm sorry that I've told you that I have so much pictures and content for the project Castlevania, but, I've done nothing... But, be prepared; I promise that I will propably maybe hopefully upload some pictures next week! Then we would officially start this! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 18:02, 15 September, 2012 (UTC)

You propably found out (or maybe not) that I gave some screenshots from Final Fantasy I to Matthlock just few minutes ago. And no screenshots for you. I'm currently using a computer that doesn't show small pictures of the screenshots, so it would take me too much time to check which one of the screenshots is for you. (Yeah, I have loads of screenshots saved in my phone.) So, the pictures will appear to you maybe next week. I hope you can wait few days. :) Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 13:17, 21 September, 2012 (UTC)

The screenshots really aren't the most important part anyway. The actual text content is, and I haven't written anything, so no worries. -RAHB 21:10, September 21, 2012 (UTC)

I know, I know. But a good page isn't a good one without pictures, right? :) And I've got them. So, I created a page with all the pictures I currently have, and I'll upload the edited picture after it's done; logic. :D I'll work on the picture after I've found the exact font or a font that at least looks like it. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 13:28, 26 September, 2012 (UTC)

Content Warning

I noticed you deleted this August 30. I copied what it says when we visit the wiki.

WARNING: Wikia, "yo mamma", and your boss may not approve of this website. If you are under the age of 12, please look elsewhere for homework help. If you are at least 13 years old, not easily offended, not looking for politically correct content, and looking for a wide variety of parody and satire, you have come to the right place. Should you be offended by the content, please complain to one of our administrators, not to Wikia. Most articles here are in a constant state of change, and that change can be YOU, if you continue. -- Simsilikesims(?UN)

I am wondering, is there a place we can link to which has this text so that people can read it? Since it goes away after we see it the first time? +yc 08:07, September 19, 2012 (UTC)

I think there's probably a template for it somewhere. Not sure where... Zombiebaron might know. There's also screenshots all over the forums and stuff. Why do you need to be able to link to it? -RAHB 08:44, September 19, 2012 (UTC)

Is This Some Kind of Fucking Joke?!

I really like this article. I especially like the introduction (I could just picture myself eating those Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos). Was this based off of events from your life? MAT​THL​OCK 00:35, September 20, 2012 (UTC)

Not based on events. Fortunately I've never been robbed or married. I have, however eaten jalapeno cheddar cheetos and they basically inspired me to write the article in a roundabout sort of way. They're delicious :D -RAHB 00:07, September 21, 2012 (UTC)

What about the part of passing out on the couch while watching reruns of the Cosby Show and Three's Company. Did that have anything to do with your life? MAT​THL​OCK 19:26, September 22, 2012 (UTC)

I like to think my life is more interesting than writing about myself falling asleep watching Cosby and Three's Company :/ They're just stuff I threw in. -RAHB 22:38, September 22, 2012 (UTC)

IP votes for infinite monkeys

Yeah I thought that was strange too. I have never seen so many. I only post links to my articles on facebook when they are featured, to celebrate my win. So it isn't my own family and friends - I haven't told them about it. I think the preponderance of IPs may be because there are pages and pages of "What links here" results for it. I found it on Special:WantedPages near the very top, so maybe it's getting a lot of link-throughs, then hitting the VFH template link after they laugh at the funny monkeys. The evidence will show that I am innocent, your honor. -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 14:41, September 26, 2012 (UTC)

Now there's another one today. This is ridiculous. Now I'm suspicious of them - is someone gaming this thing? It isn't me. Maybe we should remove them all. Is there a way to find out if they are legit? They all come from IPs with no other contributions. -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 23:53, September 26, 2012 (UTC)

I was thinking the same as you were. It's a pretty heavily-linked page, it's probably just getting lots of notice from casual readers. In particular I think a lot of DYK and anniversary and such stuff have it linked a bunch of times. But that's no problem really. It wouldn't have been a problem either, by the way, if you had been telling your family and friends about it, seeing as they're all different people and it can expose the site to them and stuff (although for obvious reasons I refrain from telling my family very much about Uncyclopedia). The only problem comes when one person is doing a bunch of votes and trying to pass them off as all different. Unfortunately there's no way to check if two different IPs are being used by the same person, but unless this one just gets ridiculously out of control I have no reason to believe they are at the moment. Especially since they're all different classes of IP. Except I don't know if that's especially since I don't know whether ISPs assign dynamic IPs in different class ranges. And never mind anyways because I guess they could always be using proxies. In which case we'd probably never know. So....yes, I hope that clears that up then :P -RAHB 04:02, September 27, 2012 (UTC)

And another today. I did some checking and they are all over the globe if [1] is to be believed. Which, who knows? Well, monkeys are always funny... -- GlobalTourniquet: UnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 15:52, September 27, 2012 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure it would've gotten featured either way, so no worries. But we've been getting lots of IPs nominating articles (and failing), and doing other VFH stuff. It might have more to do with the site notice thing. Who knows? Congrats on another feature regardless :D -RAHB 01:38, September 28, 2012 (UTC)

Hey

What's happening with the patrolling? I go and it gets completely ignored? Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 01:29 28 Sep

Beats me. I never paid much attention to it to begin with. Frosty would probably be one to ask. He's an admin now and stuff, too. -RAHB 01:36, September 28, 2012 (UTC)

He's off at the moment. I know it's school holidays in Victoria, so he's either on holidays or studying most likely. BB, MrN, Frosty and I were about the only ones who kept an eye on it, and with three of those members no longer that active it seems to have fallen by the wayside. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 02:17 28 Sep

Please...

Help. I beg you. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:27, 8 October, 2012 (UTC)

The Elliott Argument [LMFAO]

Just wonder what the reason was, other than tearing it up, for deleting the article I provided for shits and giggles? OptiPest (talk) 03:20, October 10, 2012 (UTC)

Did you write it? Also, it's typically a knee-jerk reaction to seeing "I tried to put this on Wikipedia and they deleted it so I'm putting it here" at the top of the page. -RAHB 03:35, October 10, 2012 (UTC)

I wrote just the top portion, but I copied the rest to see what others had to say about it. The fuckwit is trying so hard to get it pushed through on Wikipedia, I wanted to put it on a site that would tear it up and show him how fucked his argument is. I don't care that it is deleted, I was just hoping to get some discussion on it. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted! OptiPest (talk) 03:58, October 10, 2012 (UTC)

I can see how that could be humorous then yeah. Maybe you could try reddit or one of those. The thing about Uncyclopedia is that we're a site for original comedy that's written by the users, and we're also not a site that's here to tear apart or critique things. Nothing personal or accusatory, the purpose of our website is just in a different area than what that is. If you'd like to get discussion on it maybe you could pastebin it and link to it on a forum page, although the forum has a tendency to draw lots of sarcastic remarks and "tl;dr"s. But you're welcome to stick around and try to write an article or three of your own : ) -RAHB 04:27, October 10, 2012 (UTC)

Hello! It's been a while

I hope you are doing fine. I want to nom the first article I wrote here a year ago, but it doesn't seem to work, as you can see here: Uncyclopedia:VFH/HowTo:Become an Assassin (2nd nomination). The article is HowTo:Become an Assassin. (DUH!) Could you sort that out for me? :) Mattsnow 22:52, October 22, 2012 (UTC)

Fixed :D -RAHB 23:10, October 22, 2012 (UTC)

noob competition judging

I think we need to extend the judging period for the noob competition, since about half the articles have only been judged by one person - me. I know you can do better reviews than I can, I've seen the judging you did so far. I don't want to be the only one whose score counts for the other half. Thanks again for the work you've done so far on this competition. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 19:54, October 31, 2012 (UTC)

Frank Zappa was a talentless hack

Also, Linux is a pathetic, pale imitation of something useful, constructed entirely from baling wire, spit, duct tape, and raging stupidity.

Lastly, Alison Brie is a pimple-shaped pixie with a forehead the size of a billboard. I wouldn't bang her with your dick. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 1 '12 4:48 (UTC)

Sheesh, I was just testing to see if you were still alive. Can I have my nutsack back please. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 1 '12 9:17 (UTC)

I'm surprised you even remembered the thing with Alison Brie. I had to look her up to have any idea what you were talking about. I then of course masturbated furiously to every google image result of her. That's beside the point. -RAHB 21:59, November 1, 2012 (UTC)

I have the memory of an elephant. Or is it the penis? I can't remember. My last girlfriend says they're one and the same, anyway. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Nov 2 '12 12:06 (UTC)

Help

I don't know what this shit is, but the author removed the {{Construction}} tag, and I don't know if some ...other tag is supposed to go there now. Thanks. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Nov 4 '12 15:41 (UTC)

UnRecipe:Crunchy Beaver with Pine Gum Coulis

Hey ho! I'm trying to nominate this one for a second time, so I put the article in the VFH box like this: UnRecipe:Crunchy Beaver with Pine Gum Coulis (2nd nomination) and when I previewed the thing, the article is a red link (same casa as the article I mentioned before, but I didn't save the edit) What's wrong? Could you nominate it for me? No need to vote for, just say "per Mattsnow's request or something. But I really would like to know why it doesn't work. Keep hammering these strings! Mattsnow 22:27, November 12, 2012 (UTC)

Forget it, I managed to do it by doing the exact same thing you did with the other article. Everything's fine and I made you read 5 lines for nothing. I'm proud. Mattsnow 22:34, November 12, 2012 (UTC)

You make me feel like a real woman ^_^ -RAHB 01:49, November 14, 2012 (UTC)

Why?Rewrite:HowTo:Become A Rapist

Why? Why? Why not. Anyway, I worked long and hard on the page in the past, and wonder why your article can't be renamed and the old one kept. Or I could rename the page and put it back up under my revisions. Since I'm away most of the time it's no big deal, just wondering. The page was basically about Bill Clinton. Sigh. Burp. Sigh again. Drinking now, heavily and steadily. Al 18:28 11-19-'12 (not really, seldom touch the stuff)

Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

Nov 20rd, 2012 • Issue 175 • The edition that's black and white and dead all over

We are all doomed, and it's Wikia's fault By Bizzeebeever Shown: Wikia It's been a quiet four months at Uncyclopedia, our hometown, out here on the edge of the prairie, and it's not just because Wikia have murdered everyone and are currently bathing in golden tubs filled with their blood. It seems Uncyclopedia has lost more users than John Travolta has lost gerbils up his own butt, but fear not, Uncyclopedians-who-have-been-here-less-than-one-month! Long-time wunderkind and beloved administrator Frosty (sorry, are we laying it on too thickly?) has a plan to save us, and it involves... getting himself run over by a car. Ha ha! Actually, he posted a forum topic, accompanied by a vote, because that's what Uncyclopedians do in times of crisis, and it always works. Forum:Petitions to make all our users that quit comeback attempts to galvanize Uncyclopedia's remaining users to action by reminding them that we used to have members, Oh! so many members! Most of whom were better than us! Please sign a petition asking them back—sign, you ungrateful todgers, like your lives depend on it—and then email them all on the 14th! In theory, the people receiving said emails will return to Uncyclopedia with smiles on their faces and bliss in their hearts. In practice, however, the plan has been difficult to implement. And by "difficult", we mean "slightly impossible". A frustrated user has narrowed the plan's failure to three causes: Wikia sucks dicks Wikia is Satan Wikia sucks Satan's dick As it turns out, Wikia has limited the number of emails users can send to each other to ONE PER BLOODY DAY, rendering Frosty's scheme to bury our departed users under an avalanche of spam all for naught. As of Monday, November 19, exactly two departed users have been persuaded to return by the campaign, and nobody likes Kakun or Oliphaunte anyway, because they are useless puddles of suckage. It's just as well; most current Uncyclopedians are slightly too drunk to notice that putting a running chainsaw against one's neck is a bad idea, much less understand what the petition is all about. At any rate, if you haven't accidentally decapitated yourself with a chainsaw, do have a look at that forum, and if necessary, make yourself one or two (or forty) sockpuppets, just to spam those long-departed users of ours. The Cabal Wills It.* *(Note: There Is No Cabal) Frosty is dead. By Bizzeebeever Requiscat in pace, Frost-dude. No, you read that wrong, he is just dead inside. Earlier this month, Frosty nearly had the shit murdered out of him by a car. Luckily, as Frosty is a typical Australian teenager, he was protected from serious harm by his protein-based exoskeleton and his thick layer of poisonous, mucosal warts. The car is expected to recover in time for the rematch; in an interview with our correspondent, the car shouted numerous dark threats while leaping onto a turnbuckle and shredding its T-shirt. In the interim, Frosty has been resting comfortably with the aid of codeine, alcohol, and oral favors from the Asian transsexuals arrayed at his feet. "I find Uncyclopedia no longer holds the same draw for me as it did before," said Frosty, "especially since I've been getting oral favours from these Asian transsexuals arrayed at my feet." So weep, all ye who read this, for Frosty has joined the ranks of the undead, despised by God and abhorred by the God-fearing. On the upside: he can now appreciate those movies about sparkly vampires. On the downside: he wants our blood. RUN! Return of the Prodigal Son By Bizzeebeever Hearts and minds were filled with joy last month by the tentative return of beloved Uncyclopedian Bizzeebeever, who became scarce in July, leaving behind a terse apology for "having no money for Internetting". Current Uncyclopedia ghost Lyritha was heard to say "Buckets, remind me who that is, again..." before floating away down a corridor, moaning and rattling chains. Or rather, she would have, if ghosts were real, and if we'd asked her. Bizzeebeever's return is said to augur good tidings for the wiki, even though his current contributions consist of pointless pot-shots at Wikia, and short, pithy remarks left on talk pages, such as "fuck you, I hope you are dead", and "please disregard the previous comment, my penis was caught in a pencil sharpener". He also lurks for hours on IRC, talking and playing UnTrivia by himself. It will surprise no one at all that Bizzeebeever is now the person most accomplished at playing with himself; when we asked Zombiebaron about Bizzeebeever's remarkable dominance of a game that no one else plays, he was heard to remark "Zombiebaron", which our interpreters took to mean "Can someone please ban that guy? I am too lazy to do it myself." We at the Unsignpost do hope that Bizzeebeever holds on to his current position as Head of Quality Assurance at the dildo factory, for we have missed his hilarious forum posts almost as much as we missed his habit of talking himself up in the Unsignpost ...and his limpid blue eyes ...and his silky-soft golden locks ...and the charmingly-gnarled 40 kg tumor jutting from his neck—you know the one, it resembles the offspring of a blood tangerine and a baboon, and contains both hair and teeth...? (That might be his head; we're not sure.) Anyway, yes, we all love Bizzeebeever, and we hope he stays "returned", at least until the judge decides whether to hold him indefinitely, or just chemically castrate him, for the safety of the public. Return of the OTHER Prodigal Son By: Bizzeebeever This past week, another intermittent Uncyclopedia member (and full-time Mensch-in-Chief), TKF, returned to swear at SPIKE; delete articles which had even votes on VFD; ban people; feature an article with one "For" vote, one "Against" vote, and one comment on VFH; and be a generally hilarious excuse for an administrator. We all want to be you when we grow up, TKF!

Check out these pages! Some forum or other Almost forgot about this one... ZOMG NOOOOOO! Morons whining impotently As usual, VOTE YOU FAGS Srsly, somebody should do something about this shit Current op abuse: 04:58, November 6, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Romartus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Adding yourself to ban patrol (I seroiusly tried very hard not to do this, I SWEAR!)) 10:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 03:00, November 18, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Aimsplode (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (Asked to be blocked for 5 seconds, alas I can't spell.) 19:24, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Nothing can get me ready for a day of school like blocking chief for no reason.) 20:07, May 18, 2013 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked Everyone (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wouldn't it be cool if this actually happened (lol)) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic concerns Hipster, who used to be Hypster, who used to be Another n00b, who was ...apparently a doody-headed dildo who pissed off other users by NOT INDENTING COMMENTS PROPERLY and BEING FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. (No, seriously.) A doody-headed dildo who was given his very own section in the Right Honourable Flammable's Bureau of Overreaction, Never-ending Embarrassment and Regret (BONER), shortly before accepting a free ban for life from Zombiebaron. However, the Autist Previously Known As Another_N00b made his return to the wiki via sockpuppet last year, and only just this week was found out...by audaciously admitting who he was, right there on his talk page, for God and all the bourgeoisie to see. Unfortunately for those whose ban-fingers were itching this week, the incorrigible little twit seems intent on becoming a useful member of society, seeking redemption by turning 17, making edits that aren't actually vandalism, and (only occasionally) calling other users "utter fuckwads". He even wished Uncyc admin Frosty a speedy recovery from his car accident with the tremendous words "Exactly how does any of this nonsense affect me and why should I care?" We at the Unsignpost salute Hipster on his freewheeling, brutally honest style, and wish him the best of luck in the forty minutes that will elapse before Frosty drops a uranium banhammer on him. We're rooting for ya, Hipster! Old-School FA A popular defensive measure during the Medieval period, the bouncy castle dissuaded attack by bouncing. Bouncy castles look exactly like static castles, except for the enormous springs concealed in the cellar. As an enemy, such as Goths, Vandals or rabbits approached, castle staff would release the springs causing the entire castle to shoot up into the air, thus saving it from plunder. The first recorded idea for the bouncy castle comes from the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci. Forward thinking as ever, da Vinci rendered his castle complete with springs, airbags, electric windows, CD player and machine guns to deal with helicopter attacks. Like so many of da Vinci's ideas, however, it was hundreds of hours before anyone put it into practice. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Castoreum: \cas*to"re*um\ n. 1. a peculiar bitter orange-brown substance, with strong, penetrating odor, found in two sacs between the anus and external genitals of the beaver. You're welcome. Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. As the Unsignpost could no longer afford the Uncyclopedia dog's increasingly ludicrous demands for royalties, he has been made redundant. His relatives have been notified.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 9:04 (UTC)

Is this funny?

I have no idea. If not, please let me know so I can...murder the shit out of the additions, or ignore them, or whatever. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Nov 23 '12 13:18 (UTC)

Nah. It's not very funny >_< -RAHB 04:52, November 24, 2012 (UTC)

New section!!

So, I assume that Cat the Colourful discussed with you on IRC about my band. Yeah, I'd like you to tell me (preferably on my talk page, please!) what you think of the idea. I actually think it might work as we have similar musical tastes; keep my posted, however. If you decide to decline, then no pressure; just tell me. :) MAT​THL​OCK 20:26, November 24, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry Matthlock, sorry RAHB... My computer's screen froze that day so I had to shut down the computer, leaving both of you confused... Matthlock, I started talking about it with RAHB but I couldn't finish my talk, RAHB, I couldn't finish talk, but I believe you knew that already... Sorry, I wasn't much of a help that day... Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:35, 26 November, 2012 (UTC)

No worries, Cat. I figured it was something like that : ) -RAHB 11:28, November 26, 2012 (UTC)

I need someone who can do guitar solos (the guitarist I have right now is my rhythm guitarist but he isn't good enough to do an amazing solo). So, if you could be lead guitarist or whatever it's called. I assume that you know that you can play your guitar and then I could mash it into one of my band's songs. Of course, you won't be there for a live show but no sweat. MAT​THL​OCK 17:52, December 1, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, I'd definitely be okay with that. Won't be there for the live shows unfortunately, yeah, but I've always liked the idea of cross-world collaboration via the internet and recording software. Sounds pretty cool to me. What sort of style of music are you guys playing in? For solos I'm probably most apt at blues and heavy rock, but I can also fill the bill with jazz, or more weird sorts of things such as Zappa and the like. I'd only say that I'm not very skilled at all with most styles of metal, other than the occasional imitation of 80's thrash, which is done more for humor than anything else : P -RAHB 23:08, December 1, 2012 (UTC)

And I've been listening metal for my whole life but I can play like 3 chords :P RAHB, as I have this horrible feeling that you're watching currently Mentalist, and not coming to IRC, and as I want to hear your song, could you put some link or something to my talk-page? I'll be waiting! Thanks. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:47, 3 December, 2012 (UTC)

I like the heavy rock idea the best, and also some Zappa-esque solos would be perfect for some of my songs. Also, blues sounds great too. Thanks! MAT​THL​OCK 19:54, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Those three are my best, other than the fact that I forgot to mention psychedelic rock, so that sounds great. Any time you've got some rhythm tracks down and would like to send them over, I'm willing to give it a shot : ) -RAHB 11:44, December 9, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, psychedelic, that sounds great. I love all of those ideas. Can't wait for us to start. Since you know a lot about Zappa, I assume you already know what xenochrony is. (I think that technique would sound great for my band.) MAT​THL​OCK 19:13, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

Oh yes, certainly. During a period of more experimental composition I used xenochrony extensively. That would be very cool :D -RAHB 23:54, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms

Good news, everybody! We're saved! By: Bizzeebeever No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend By: Bizzeebeever Stay classy, Uncyclopedia! Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit By Editor A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed. "Sit and spin, Hotadmin4u69." ~Jesus Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Frosty Sez: "Patrol RecentChanges, fags, 'cuz I'm not doing it anymore." Check out these pages! Yes, it is still going Whoever "snerk" is, he can't keep it in his pants. It is very very important that you know this Our suspicions are finally confirmed. WHY GOD WHY Current op abuse: 02:57, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.142.161 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 years ‎ (Still loving the penis after all these years, huh?) 09:13, November 22, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't recreate crap. Take a tissue.) 05:49, November 26, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.45.119.19 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back so soon? And guess what...you're still acting like a twat. I am extending your break Short Trousers.) 20:41, November 27, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.9.19.97 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (POOP.) Biopic of the Week In this edition of the Weekly Biopic, (gasp gasp...running out of ways to rephrase that!) the UnSignpost is spotlighting one of our newer members, Snippy, who makes silk purses out of sow's ears, reverts morons and vandals like reverting is going out of style, and is liked by one and all. In fact, this past week, Frosty claims he was in Snippy's lovely hometown of Byron Bay, New South Wales, to deliver Snippy's prize for being named Uncyclopedian of the Month: a forceful, lingering kiss on the lips, followed by a random sex act. Congratulations, Snippy, and we hope it only hurt for the first 15 minutes! Now that all your hard work has received recognition by your peers, please get out there and shovel some more shit; you missed a big pile of it. Sorry, our only shovel is broken; you'll have to use your shoes. Pity, they looked like very nice suede. Oh, well. Next week, look for a profile of Leverage! Before he disappears from the site forever, of course. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Penis-sheath: An insult comparing the insultee to an article of clothing worn around the Johnson. Neither the insult nor the article of clothing actually existed up until I just now invented them. You're welcome. This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™ On or around this date in 2007, Dr. Skullthumper made the following edit: Added "800px" to an image in Kitten Huffing A quick review of the Good Doctor's edit history shows that, in 2007, he had less of a life than I do now. Thank you for reading This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™! Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. UnSignpost management is currently in negotiations with a supplier of illegal fighting dogs to provide a temporary substitute for the late UnSignpost mascot. We will miss you, UnSignpost Dog.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:27 (UTC)

Danke

For erasing my shame. Holy fuck was I a bad person. Fou-Lu 23:33, December 2, 2012 (UTC)

I'll take your word for it. I'll also take your hat for three pence. -RAHB 23:36, December 2, 2012 (UTC)

Take it. Would it also be possible to get those shameful forum (the two that are clearly the most shameful, at least) pages I made deleted, or is that not a thing that happens? Either way, thanks. Fou-Lu 23:52, December 2, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, we don't generally delete forums, and those ones are really old so nobody will probably ever see them again anyway. And to be honest I thought some of the lines in the toenails one were pretty funny :D -RAHB 00:07, December 3, 2012 (UTC)

Fair enough. Thanks! Fou-Lu 00:07, December 3, 2012 (UTC)

Respect

You sir, are a true Uncyclopedian <3 -- sannse (talk) 17:15, December 5, 2012 (UTC)

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 13:01 (UTC)

Also:

Baaaa! Oh, and check this out, if only for the opening image. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 14:15 (UTC)

What do you think of Your cat died?

Opinions? Is in feature material?--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 00:15, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it essentially the same thing as I lost your pet ferret? -RAHB 00:19, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

I actually haven't seen that before! Haha!--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 00:20, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, okay. Well, I'm personally not such a fan of this style..there's a couple grammatical things you could go back and correct (For example where you use "could of" instead of "could have" or "could've"). For the most part there's really nothing wrong with it. I see progress being made in your writing. You could try it on VFH, but I have to warn you that because of its similarity to the ferret article some people may be reluctant to vote for it. -RAHB 00:24, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

I was wondering if you could nominate it, because I'm afraid if I do nominate it, I could get banned again.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 00:25, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

I wouldn't nominate it unless I intend on voting for it, but to gain the attention of other users who might nominate it, you should put it on the recent articles template so that everybody can see a link to it right on the main page. A lot of users tend to go straight there when looking for articles to nominate. Will probably get the occasional feedback as well. There's always pee review too, of course, but I do realize that that's been running about as smoothly as a computer made of rocks recently :/ -RAHB 00:32, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Damn, I can't get it to work.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 00:37, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, got it fixed for you. I have to be off now to have a groovy space jam, so if you have any other questions that need to be answered right now, there's usually a few admins on the IRC. Otherwise you can ask me anything here and I'll pick back up on it when I get back. Cheers! -RAHB 00:46, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks!--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 00:47, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

'yo

Jeez, all that commotion over the rape article? I took it from the IP who penned the crap and at least edited some of it and added in the pic section at the bottom. Thought it was still crap but at least educated some people about the alleged rape by Bill Clinton. Let's take it off the site if it caused that much trouble. Weird. user:Aleister/Aleister 20:21 December 9 '12

Yeah, I dunno. I'm sure there are online petitions going up all the time for that sort of thing, this one just happened to be noticed by Wikia or something. The commotion wasn't tremendous really, just a bunch of people saying stuff on a petition site. I get the feeling the sorts of people who were posting actually believe that what they're insinuating should be passed into law or something just because they got together and talked about how horrible they think the whole thing is. I'm rather sure they probably didn't read the article, and just assumed the worst by the title. That being said, my attempt probably wouldn't have changed their attitudes much. If you do want it taken down or put in your userspace, I can certainly do either, but I'm not sure I'd entirely worry about it unless somebody comes down and tells us it's got to go. If something like that happens then we could probably do something about it. Or if you still feel it's best to not have it up then just let me know. -RAHB 03:55, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

Well, let's let it stay then, a repreive for the old girl. I'll do some editing on it to maybe tone down a couple of the more offensive parts and advice, we don't really want people using it as a HowTo (although I have and it worked out quite well). Rape is no joking matter. But rapists are. Hahahahahahahahahaha huh? Soon I'd like to get into the discussion of that horrible thing that's been put up to enter the site, what a monstrocity both in theory and practice. Since I'm here, have you seen Oliver Stone's new series on The Untold History of the U.S. on Showtime? Extremely good, as is HBO's "The Newsroom" (I've watched each episode of that one at least four times). And Dexter, can't forget Dexter (either the user here or the Showtime series). Rape 'em if you've got 'em. Aleister 12:17 10Decem12

I came across an article on another site today called "Rape is Good". I didn't read it because it looked like it was about politics and I was more in the mood to watch porn at the time, but something. -RAHB 22:41, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.

Peas offering By Kip Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip: I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant! By Bizzeebeever Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Shown: classical art, according to Wikia. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking! Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

Check out these pages! Very, very sad, really. Kindly take that language elsewhere, sir. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. From our logs: The ban that started all the fun 03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be english words) Mad-libs ban: 16:08, December 11, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.) Get a room, girls! 01:41, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 226 hours 37 minutes 45 seconds ‎ (Idling on IRC for this long like a true gay faggot <3) 23:01, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Frosty has both female and male genitals. The more you know.) 23:23, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Hold on I've gotta figure out how to deop you before you can unban yourself) 23:24, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (pwnt.) 23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban) Biopic of the Week Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation: <Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george? <Kip> No. <Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write! <Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek. <Editor> Excellent. <Kip> Also, he's probably hairy. <Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent. So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George! UnSignpost Word of the Week Censorship: see Wikia. (This Section Intentionally Left Blank)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- Kip > Talk • Works • • 14:15, Dec. 12, 2012

Give me your opinion?

I'm writing something that not a lot of people may be familiar with, but can you tell me your opinions while it is being worked on in my mainspace? It is called User:Kamek98/The Yellow Turban Rebellion.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 20:49, December 12, 2012 (UTC)

Space Jam!!!

Hi, and sorry for late response. I've been very busy lately with a christmas-show I've participated on, and the who past week has been only rehearsals, rehearsals and rehearsals... BUT, yesterday I had plenty of time to do, (I finaly remember my lines without a paper...) so I made a small music-festival in my small room, listening such bands as Dream Theater, Pain, Cradle of Filth, Candlemass (Finnish Doom Metal, I can show it to you someday), Eisbrecher, Rammstein, Turmion Kätilöt, Arch Enemy, Waltari (Another Finnish band, they mix all kinds of genres such as Death Metal, Industrial Metal, Trash Metal, Symphonic music, Proggressive, Hip Hop, Rap... Quite interesting combination I must say), Finntroll, Girugamesh, and all that... and, of course, your Space Jam! That was pure awesomeness in a nice little 25-minute's long jam-form! Altough I think the best way to praise it was the comments you guys said after it ('That was f*cking awesome' :D). Cool stuff RAHB. So, I heard you had more song? :) Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:10, 14 December, 2012 (UTC)

Also, have you ever considered of doing a youtube-account? If you'd had that, we could subscribe each other and see what kinds of cool songs we've liked and commented without IRC! (As I have been unfortunate of catching you there lately :( ) Also, you can upload your songs there too, and gain more fame (with bigger audience there's also a bigger change that someone finds them, there are quite a lot of people in youtube as you may know). And I could stalk you 24/7. Just recommending though. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:28, 14 December, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, point-by-point here. First off, I love Candlemass :D Although I didn't know until now that they were Finnish. Secondly, thanks for the praise, I did really like that jam, been listening to it a lot myself lately. Thirdly, I do have a youtube account but I don't use it very much. When I do I usually "like" the things that make me laugh or I think are cool but not usually much music. I use last.fm for music stuff mostly. But I'm also not really into the whole idea of "put your tunes on the internet, everybody will hear them and you'll be instantly famous." I've been in bands with people who want to do that sort of thing before there's even any music written >_< Right now I'm just trying to make music I enjoy and find new ways to do things, and then probably play in some bars or something for a while. Focusing a lot on school and trying to find an IT job right now so I can get some money to fund future music ideas :D Glad you liked it, though, I still need to edit the other recordings and EQ them (with the microphone I used they turned out all muffled sounding), but I'll let you know when I get them up :D -RAHB 03:28, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 03:57, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

ARGH RAHB I have no idea what the hell was in my mind when I typed that... Candlemass is swedish, not finnish1 ARGHH! Sorry, my bad! Seriously, what the f***k?! I also understood your concern about youtube. But no worries, I don't care where I listen music, so give me any kinds of links and I'll check 'em! The main thing is to just enjoy about it right? :) Also, I have no idea when I'm online next time, been quite busy with stuff recently, so I'll tell my 'happy christmas's already now! If you even celebrate it, that is. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 18:24, 17 December, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, happy Christmas to you too, Cat. Good luck in the play and all. After all, "the play's the thing." -RAHB 21:34, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

Hi

Can you look at Yellow Turban Rebellion? I really like it. But I kinda want to nominate it, but then I don't at the same time. I think it's good. But, hey, I think you know what I'm saying? Right? Opinion maybe?--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 21:51, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

I really don't know anything about the topic. Sorry :/ -RAHB 21:53, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, it's fine.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 21:55, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

srsly?

I don't quite agree with your blocking Anon indefinitely. For one thing, I don't take edit warring with me seriously. If the user has a history of vandalism, a two-week ban will probably suffice. Secondly, anonymous users should never be blocked indefinitely because their IP addresses are subject to change without notice. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 03:43, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

Suppose you're right. Reduced to two weeks now. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. -RAHB 03:50, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.

Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs By Editor This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together, and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. High-jinks on the farm. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news! By: Editor As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies! By: Romartus How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

Check out these pages! No, no we are not. That is a vacuum cleaner, Aleister. No thanks. Shabidoo's 500th new forum! You win a prize, Shabidoo. Here's a mop. From our logs: This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty. Biopic of the Week For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat, married, and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any, and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped." Ouch. You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov. Word of the week, provided by: Bill Melater Pussy-whipped 1. a phrase used to describe the state of a person who has been beaten with a cat. Believed to have originated during reign of Ramses II. 2. something you say when you hope your wife isn't listening. Newsroom UnTune of the week UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings It's an UnTune AND an UnNews, because that's how Kip the Dip rolls, bitches! (You're welcome, Kip.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:33 (UTC)

This

• 23:08, 11 December 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.)

Have I ever told you how much I love you? --UU - natter 21:30, Dec 21

Actions speak louder than words, my dear ;)

Now, how are things with you and the family? And the brontosaurus, of course. Fred Flintstone might include his in the "family", but I'm still not ready to include a prehistoric dinosaur in with a term mainly used to indicate closely-biologically related humans. Cats and dogs, one thing. Brontosaurus. Gonna need to see some legislation on that. -RAHB 23:28, December 21, 2012 (UTC)

Well, since you ask, my youngest daughter has the following message for you:

[; 00

yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyydddd

cvvcb cvb

Which I think is pretty sophisticated for 10 months old. We gave the brontosaurus up to an animal shelter - it just wasn't triceratops-y enough for us. How about you and yours? --UU - natter 07:34, Dec 22

How cute, already making her own emoticons, and going against the grain with the left bracket like that! She's a sharp one you've got there. I'm doing well. Been going to school for IT certifications and playing psychedelic music in an underground dungeon on the weekends. Just got over a flu and a Zappadan. Oh, and we're moving from Wikia and going to host Uncyclopedia ourselves. In case nobody told you :D -RAHB 08:00, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

Um... That seems like an... idea... Er. I think I'll do what I've been doing unintentionally anyway - stay back and out of it. By the time I'm able to actually contribute again, it should be obvious which place to do it at. --UU - natter 07:53, Jan 5

Yeah, that's not a bad idea : / -RAHB 00:52, January 6, 2013 (UTC)

Belated Zappadan treat

Kip the Dip has given you a candy cane! Oh, yes, RAHB! COME ONE MY TITS! COME ON MY TITS!!

/me comes on Kipsmas's tits -RAHB 10:11, December 25, 2012 (UTC)

Coupla guys.

Lemme know if these were the sort of things you were looking for. [2] [3]  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Dec 29 '12 13:40 (UTC)

And here are two ways you can use 'em side-by-side:

{| style="width:400px; margin: auto;"

|[[File:Angry man1.png|x200px|thumb|Rrrrrrg.]]

|[[File:Angry man2.png|x200px|thumb|This pizza is cold.]]

|}

<gallery heights="200px" position="center">

File:Angry man1.png|Rrrrrrg.

File:Angry man2.png|This pizza is cold.

</gallery>

There's probably a better way, but I haven't found it. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Dec 30 '12 11:22 (UTC)

Very sexy. As soon as I'm not knee-deep in homework (which by my estimation should be about next Christmas) I'll add them in. -RAHB 23:44, December 30, 2012 (UTC)

Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!

Vote! Or else! By Chief This image has not been altered in any way Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief". Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience By Nobody Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All workers users are reminded that failure to celebrate the new year with adequate happiness and joy is punishable by enforced time labouring in the non-existent Lime Quarries followed by the immediate cessation of chocolate rations for the remainder of this work quarter. Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled. Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings.

Check out these pages! BURN THE WIKI BURN IT TO THE GROUND A long, long, very long forum where nothing was accomplished and everybody eventually just started typing random bullshit. A bad, bad, very bad idea, which the UnSignpost endorses with full vigor. An even worse idea. A page where Kip the Dip takes credit for something bad, very bad. A discussion far more important than any of the preceding links. Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home: 03:48, May 2, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Hahaha you're not an admin so I can do this and get away with it! Hahaha! (hahahhaha)) 22:44, May 18, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Not cool to use other people's sigs man......*shity eyes*.....) 23:07, July 17, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Snoopin' around in areas he shouldn't be concerned with) 19:32, October 4, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 44 seconds ‎ (I must block you at least once in order to be more awesome than you.) 03:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 02:11, December 13, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (User request) 16:11, December 19, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Necessary research into the reasons for no funny bans having happened last week. Do not be alarmed, we are trained professionals, and also very aroused.) 01:29, December 26, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 33 seconds ‎ (Telling me how to be an administrator) Biopic of the Week When we carried our knuckle-dusters and brick-filled socks to the talk page of new user Equilateralperil this past week to interview him, we were amused and perplexed to see him employ the classic defensive stance of a painfully shy, abused opossum. Rolling into the fetal position on the ground with his buttocks in the air, he began to reveal embarrassing personal details in a shrill voice, shouting "Have a field day, you scamps! Yes, mock me harder!", apparently hoping that we would walk away in disgust. However, to assume that reverse psychology would work on Uncyclopedians is to give them credit for having something that they don't, namely, a psychology. Some of the details which he will now regret ever having shared: Equilateral (that's what we call him for short, when we don't call him Bitch) is a 17-year-old schoolboy living in Victoria in Australia, is at the "top of his class" in multiple subjects, and is on his school's debate team. As he is on his school's rock band, jazz band, and "show" band, we are forced to assume that his school, like the one from Glee, is filled to the brim with people wearing matching plaid shirts, bow ties, white vests, and straw skimmers, who are all horrifyingly perky and prone to breaking into song (or dance) for no apparent reason—especially when the occasion does not require it. He claims to have had one girlfriend, who was Japanese and broke his heart. He refused to supply nude pictures of her, so we are forced to conclude that she is imaginary. For Christmas, he claims he received a "charcoal Italian moleskin jacket", which he is apparently wearing at this moment, over his Casper-the-Ghost™ footie pajamas. So there you have it! From our experience, Equilateralperil is most likely his school's Designated Punching Nerd, and spends most of his spare time pulling his poodle-haired head from toilets, when he isn't writing excellent articles for Uncyclopedia. While he's on holiday in Perth or Canberra or someplace, do give them a read. Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song This space left intentionally penis.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:25 (UTC)

RAHB my good man

Is it alright if you go through the nominations and take some votes? I mean, the lack of voting reminds me of my grandmother.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 22:35, January 3, 2013 (UTC)

Usually I'm too busy to vote. But, seeing as I'm dropping out of school tomorrow, I'll probably have more time to vote when I'm not administrating the security of our new server, searching for work, and dodging homeless winos and gangsters on the streets and bus, which I use for transit. I'll start voting again after the site moves this weekend, seeing as some of the more recent edits won't be carried over due to technical limitations. -RAHB 22:38, January 3, 2013 (UTC)

Site...... move?--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 22:40, January 3, 2013 (UTC)

Visit the forums sometime. -RAHB 22:42, January 3, 2013 (UTC)

Would the code wk: blah blah blah still work in the [ [ ] ]?--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 22:48, January 3, 2013 (UTC)

I have no idea what that means, so putting it into the code and using the "preview" button would probably be the best way to find out. -RAHB 00:21, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

I think he's talking about linking, RAHB. MAT​THL​OCK 00:54, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

Yes, but I don't know what "wk: blah blah blah" means. -RAHB 01:44, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

Also, can you do some proofreading on my rewrite on A crush on a girl who is not single?--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 01:56, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

Not at the moment, no. I'd love to but I'm honestly far too busy and will probably soon have an aneurysm. I'm sure you can find somebody else who'd be able to do it. -RAHB 02:00, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

Okay haha.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 02:02, January 4, 2013 (UTC)

Church

Hello stranger on top of a strange land. An IP put up the church burning page in order to tell his story of how it was black metal fans who burned down churches. So I gave him the pic and edited the one line he left. Does it need more? It seems to stand on its own, about church burnings (we get at least 2,000 people a week trying to look up this page here, and we didn't have one until now). I was actually going to redirect "Black Metal fan" to the page. A nice fan pic anyway, and I don't want to spend any more time on it. Thanks. Aleister 21:18 26-1-'13

I suppose it works well on its own, yeah. I admit I chuckled at it. I just put the construction on because I assumed more was going to be added, but if we're figuring it's a good enough page in its own right, that works for me. -RAHB 07:55, January 27, 2013 (UTC)

User:108.171.248.250

It was the edit summary saying something about changing publisher, or something. It could be pure coincidence and unrelated, but it is an obscure page for a random vandal to hit, and there have always been some complete idiots as part of our community. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 11:23 26 Jan

Ah, yeah, I didn't check that. You're right, that does sound kind of fishy. Could be someone involved or also likely someone who's been looking on at the whole thing. Since the fork I've met a ton of random new users talking like they've been here throughout the entire process. I figure a lot of people come in and see something like that and assume it's some sort of revolution and think it's cool, so they start voicing their crazy support for it in weird ways, not taking the idea of civility into account of course. Then again, we've always had people who didn't take the idea of civility into account. Which reminds me, just since I'm on the subject, I'm actually kind of disgusted by all this "Wikia is terrible and old uncyc is shit" attitude that's going on at the fork. I hope the folks here do realize that some of us are keeping a more level-headed viewpoint of things and we're not all a bunch of wannabe revolutionaries with delusions of ourselves riding into the sunset on Harleys firing off pistols into the air :P -RAHB 08:10, January 27, 2013 (UTC)

I still want a pistol. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:55, January 27, 2013 (UTC)

I imagine you as more of a super soaker and Vespa type myself. I'm well aware that there is a significant portion of the community that is sane - at least sane by our standards. I know that there is a revolutionary streak that runs through our group mentality though. And sadly the fuck Wikia thought processes have now polarised the community - both from those that prescribe to that view and those that push back. I'm not an angel by a long shot - I've expressed my concerns very openly, which has made me pubic enemy #1 to some. Which is why I hope sane people realise that the reality is that all I've done is express my concerns. (And those that would like to argue this point - again - are welcome to go to my talk page. This is more a conversation between myself, RAHB and Frosty.) Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 10:17 27 Jan

Right-o. Differing viewpoints are the basis of the whole deal. I think that for lots of people it's just too difficult not to vilify people who have contrasting viewpoints. The path of least resistance. It's too much work to like people, let alone people who disagree. And then, a large part of the community is American, and that's a whole nother issue when it comes to civility in contentious situations. -RAHB 22:38, January 27, 2013 (UTC)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

April 9th, 2013 • Issue 181 • Voted best newspaper of Uncyclopedia: 2010, 2011 and 2013.

Pissing About By Brother ScottPat What most of you have been reading the past few weeks. It has been noted recently that there has been a huge decrease in the number of pee reviews made each week. Before some hard-work pissing a few days ago there were still pee reviews from November 2012 left to review. This has made many uncyclopedians unhappy that their work isn't being pissed on by other more experienced and toilet trained uncyclopedians. Remember that if you want to have your article reviewed then you must first review someone elses. There has been an influx of noobs joining these last five months and many of them would love help on how to improve their articles and help on how to make them funny. Many noobs such as Dannyboy and Anton199 have been struggling to produce good-quality articles and have required information from admins and a few others that their articles are bad or not funny but they are not being told the specifics and how to improve the articles. The general message that Uncyclopedia and Unsignpost want to put out is stop day dreaming and start "pissing about." Get on the pee review page and write a few reviews every week. Even upload some articles to be reviewed. By doing this we can turn the Pee Review page from a stagnant wasteland of tripe into a growing community with bonds of friendship being made between the reviewers and the writers (yeah right!). Just piss a bit more please. The same situation applies to the Votes For Highlight page which sees its usual voters ever week however the number of regular visitors and contributors to the VFH page is not enough for the articles there to get high enough votes to either fail or pass being features. When you visit that page please try to vote for and/or against on as many articles as you can so that everyday can have a new article featured. Recently on the VFH page we have seen the articles Thainglish and Modus ponens go through to pass the test. However these were featured a few days ago and are likely to be up for a week. Contenders for the next featured article seem to be Flag Burning Amendment(5/2), UnNews:A-bombs dropped on Japan awarded Nobel Peace Prize(5/0) and Capitalism: in grammar(5/1). Article 2 By Nobody Look at the blankness of the article. Nobody is writing this article this week as nobody has contributed. Apparently somebody's excuse for not contributing was that nobody had done it already which really isn't a valid excuse. Somebody encourages others to write in this space the next time UnSignpost is released so that nobody doesn't have to do it again. Nobody has been writing the last three month's UnSignposts after all. Anyway back to the point. Nobody would like to point out that recent events in the news such as the war against the other uncyclopedia websites with the April Fools prank which admitedly nobody knows anything about but somebody may be able to tell you more on that story. Also Magaret Thatcher, the role model, has died so Uncyclopedia is looking for someone to write a funeral song for her to be played at that glorius moment. I mean glorious in that we can celebrate her awful policies in politics - awfully good policies that is. The last and only entry we have received so far was, UnTunes:Ding, Dong the Witch is Dead however sadly this was banned and deleted by wikia authorities before we got the chance to hear it.

Check out these pages! Monopoly (game) Philosophy UnScripts:Our Town UnBooks:Robin Hood (2012 short story by Julian Assange) HowTo:Get back to London if you suddenly find yourself in France penguin club penguin UnSignpost Reviews "It was amazingly bad." "I can't believe they call this a newspaper." "It's awful[ly good]" Biopic of the Week Dannyboy1209, might be new and a bit mischievous, but he is a really nice guy and knows a thing or two about computers and might even be an admin one day. He started recently and wants to try and be a bit of a success. He has had trouble with his first few articles in creating a humour element to them but is working harder now than he ever has before and with the help of a few admins he is going to be producing dozens of featured pages by the week. Newsroom UnTune of the Week UnTunes:Can't Stop Him Now Contributions to UnSignpost Thanks to the recent scandal that UnSignpost has been involved in where half our editors and journalists were sacked after they were accused of hacking into other people's Uncyclopedia accounts we have been left short staffed. Please help in the future by contributing articles to make sure that this newspaper can exist in the quality that it is already in. Thanks you. Please check out the main page of UnSignpost as there is new information there about a change in editors. Contributors: Main Editor and Writer: ScottPat Biopic Contributor: Dannyboy Assistant Image Editor: Aleister

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Sir ScottPat UnS CUN VFH (talk) 15:32, April 9, 2013 (UTC)

Express Delivery...is not available today (just normal delivery)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

May, 4th 2013 - May the Fourth be with you! • Issue 182 • Sponsered by (and biased towards) the Rebel Alliance.

Unsignpost...please sign!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism!

May, 10th 2013 • Issue 183 • Uncyclopedia set to have a bright future. Sunglasses stocks are running low.

The Signpost has arrived...Quick hide!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

May, 18th 2013 • Issue 184 • Vandalpedia strikes back! Luckily the Jedi will return.

Sir ScottPat UnS CUN VFH and Bar (talk) 20:07 18, May 2013

This UnSignpost may be unsuitable for some viewers!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism!

May, 10th 2013 • Issue 183 • Uncyclopedia set to have a bright future. Sunglasses stocks are running low.

Sir ScottPat CUN VFH UnS (talk) 14:25, May 9, 2013 (UTC)

The UnSignpost has arrived...Quick hide!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

May, 18th 2013 • Issue 184 • Vandalpedia strikes back! Luckily the Jedi will return.

Sir ScottPat CUN VFH UnS (talk) 16:18, May 18, 2013 (UTC)