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If you need help, ask me on my talk page, or ask at the Dump. Again, welcome! --⇔ 21:46, 20 July 2006 (UTC)
edit Welcome to UnNews
I especially enjoyed UnNews:Man dies while trying to open his heart to Jesus. I put it up as third featured story. AMEN brother, keep them coming and praise Jesus! Cheers! Get saved! 18:44, 24 January 2007 (UTC)
|On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you.|
Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Get saved! 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)
Welcome to UnNews, Pocketthesaurus, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.
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You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.
If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.
Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.
Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?
If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.
At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.
- This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Get saved! 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)
edit WIP notices
Hey, your article that was called Spy Vs. Spy has been moved to User:Pocketthesaurus/Spy Vs. Spy for futher development. Feel free to move it back when you have done. Oh, and if you want to reply to this, please reply on my talk page (I do so many of these, I don't get to check them all). Thanks. —Braydie at 05:27, 5 February 2007 (UTC)
edit Just saying hi
edit Just saying hi, over a year later
edit Welcome back to UnNews!
Regrettably, the guy who welcomed you to UnNews last year has abdicated, citing dickery and a bad back, and I have been occupying his office, his front page, and his liquor cabinet full of Aquavit. Some style stuff to begin with:
- After coding an
[[Image ]], you must type a return before continuing with the text, or on some browsers, it destroys an entire paragraph.
- I changed the coding of the city and state/nation in your datelines. (I had no idea what cities are in the Sudan, of course, but going by your convenient map, I set it in KHARTOUM.)
- Play it straight with the Sources--they are to tell your reader what the UnNews is based on, so that if they're completely in the dark, they can enjoy your joke--not to continue wisecracking.
- There's much more in our new Style Guide.
- Keep the headlines short and don't use excess capital letters--I'll fix these two.
A story whose theme is no one knows WTF is going on can be trite, but you pulled it off well. Hope you stick with it!21:54 6-Jan-11
Afterthoughts: "Jay Cutler" is now featured in the 3-spot. But the story spends too much time presenting the facts and too little delivering humor--something I was recently criticized for on VFH in UnNews:Tea Party wave arrives at wrong capitol. And I don't understand at all the bit about "watching himself on television get sacked." You mean the Jumbotron?
I don't like obscenity in stories--unless it directly contributes to the joke--and I really hate it in headlines, because it immediately ruins the surface appearance that we are a "legitimate news source."
And we are not as big fans of links as we used to be, especially links that link to random pages just for the sake of having a lot of links. Zim made the argument that it is an exaggeration of hypertext fashion. But he lost the argument. Cheers! 22:14 6-Jan-11
Heya, glad to see you've popped back in for more writing... hopefully this will catch you before you wander off again. See, it's your UnNews... what Spike said before still holds, but more of an issue is that they're really quite random seeming, and while that's not necessarily a bad thing in of itself, it doesn't really work when you don't have the frame or the organisation to maintain it. What I mean is they need to fit the frame of news - read like news, present like news, follow like news... include content like news instead of going off in random directions... the randomness should actually seem to fit, you know, or it doesn't actually work in a humorous medium, it's just there. And the actual content needs to follow in a logical order or the entire piece winds up not making sense regardless of what it actually contains.
I've moved what seemed to be the worst here, though I did go over another one with some general cleanup... if you'd look to fixing up this one as well, make it less random, keep it more newslike, that would be appreciated. And once you do, feel free to move it back into the main news space. 02:33, 25 September 2011
edit Nice UnNews!
Loved it! You went, you saw, you got on the front page! Mattsnow 06:45, February 15, 2012 (UTC)
You are on the Front Page again! Above the fold! But I shortened the headline and removed the italics.11:48 10-Jul-14
Thanks for pitching in on UnNews! However, this article needs a little more, such as to relate to something specific that happened in real life, and there are a lot of them just now. Without that, it is just random bashing of Obama (not that I'm against that). Obama waves his hand and declares that injustice against men will now also be practiced against women; all right, but apropos of what? Perhaps if there had been an American drone strike recently.... The idea that Hagel would act as a suck-up is unsurprising and not a twist on anything. The headline suggests America's tendency to extend its law beyond its border (as with banks with American customers, as of the start of this month), also Obama's notable tendency to think he can wave his arms and bring happiness to entire peoples, but the article doesn't do anything with them. Please continue pushing and tugging this, and perhaps find a relevant Source to hang it on!13:58 25-Jul-14
"While you were out"...our liaison to our webhost nominated your Cutters at UN:VFD and it survived only after massive rewriting and especially deletion of your gory photo. It is now at Cutter but the plural works as well. (Talk:Cutter has a link to the discussion.)
Your new UnNews on Michael Sam is kind of subtle. I take it the humor is in repeating "openly gay" and manufacturing a negative First to go with all the supposed positive Firsts, but you might want to see if you can lay it on thicker or go in additional directions. In February, I wrote UnNews:NFL to be even gayer in 2014. Remember, no capital letters in the headline except proper names and things like that. 23:23 30-Aug-14
Tweaked, headline shortened, and featured.12:45 1-Sep-14