User talk:P e r f e c t A t h l e t i c i s m

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edit Welcome!

Mermaid with dolphin
Welcome to the wondrous world of Uncyclopedia!

Hello, P e r f e c t A t h l e t i c i s m, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... Yes. You seem to have a sense of humor, but to be sure that it corresponds to the kind of humor that is accepted on this site, I suggest checking out the following links:

  • Beginner's Guide - A massive guide about how to be the best you can be at Uncyclopedia. I've honestly never read the whole thing in one sitting myself, but it is very useful if you're looking for help on a specific issue.
  • How to be funny and not just stupid - Our flagship link. This will tell you how to not get booed off the metaphorical stage that is Uncyclopedia. I STRONGLY suggest reading the entire thing through, perhaps more than once.
  • Our Vanity Policies - This page details why we don't care about your friends, your school, your gay fourth period math teacher, or the homework he has you do, and in-jokes. DO NOT violate these rules.
  • Uncyclopedia:Best of - For a bit of inspiration. These are our featured articles. This is the kind of stuff we like to read around here.

Now that that's out of the way, just continue reading and you'll notice some more links. These ones are about help in general:

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but I do recommend it, it can be quite enjoyable, and it's a good chance to let others take notice of your writing. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:P e r f e c t A t h l e t i c i s m/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, consider contributing to Uncyclopedia's current colonization of the week, a group writing project to improve a single popular article. Anyone is welcome to contribute, so come help out! If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talkpage, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talkpage. Additionally, the Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian, and remember: Have fun with it. We're all here to have a good time and a good laugh. Please sign your name on talkpages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (button_sig.png) above the edit box. Again, welcome!

Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 01:55, 13 April 2009 (UTC)


edit Thanks for logging in

--and sorry for the revert! Spıke ¬ 00:54 3-Jan-14

edit Carolina

A few comments on the article emerging in your userspace, which you didn't ask for:

  • Please go easy on the lists! They may make the page resemble Wikipedia, but the problem is that lists tend to tell the same joke over again, and they also induce anonymous users who can't write add Just One Thing until they get really ponderous. In particular, the list of 25 wealthiest places is a long way to either tell 1 joke or 0. Instead, write funny paragraphs. In the following section, the list of colleges, I'm pretty sure the number is 0.
  • The assumption that something is dirt-poor, or slutty, or gay, is not funny automatically, though if you have a joke to tell or a witty way of writing, we don't mind.
  • Don't emphasize ciphers, especially nonsense numbers. More such tips are in How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid and its sequel, Choice of Words.
  • Resist the tendency to acquaint us with South Carolina, and make everything you write move toward the goal of getting the reader to laugh, though at times this will require real-world hints to make your assertions funny.

We already have an article on South Carolina, though it is not an award-winner. When you believe your article is ready for the encyclopedia, either find a way to make it coexist with the current one, or ask us to help you do so, or take the existing one to Votes for deletion and get a vote to delete it, specifying your article as the text that would replace it. Happy editing! Spıke ¬ 02:27 3-Jan-14

edit What about an alternative reality

Thanks for the wealth of information, I will definitely figure out how to work those changes in. However, I was actually looking to the Kentucky article for inspiration. Though that article in its current form is a little messy, I enjoy how that article presents an altered reality of Kentucky called Kentuckistan: a Communist, Central Asian, Soviet bloc, country within the confines of the United States. I was looking to portray an altered reality of South Carolina called The Kingdom of South Carolina: a wealthy, ultra-modern, monarchy which arrived at success via a particularly advanced tribe of Native Americans living there for thousands of years (virtually the opposite of reality). Thoughts?--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 20:50, January 3, 2014 (UTC)

Always! Portraying a state as a Soviet republic is so overworn that we mention it at How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid (section 9). It is not inherently unfunny; it has just been done an awful lot. I make an exception myself for Massachusetts.
An altered reality is a "comedy theme," but to maximize the humor, make it relate to your reader maximally, by basing it on something real, which it seems you are doing. Please ensure that a reader who knows little about S.C. can tell that you are using irony, and always be sure it's clear that your alternate reality is a springboard to humor and not just allegory designed to lead the reader to a stereotype of your own, as many of our articles on Southern states do.
Don't interpret an article's mere existence on the website as proof that it is suitable for emulating. That an article became a Featured Article on the main page (the result of a vote) is more compelling. Spıke ¬ 21:23 3-Jan-14

Welcome back! Looking at your edits of today, please demote all your headings by adding an equal sign to the start and the end. Our articles don't use =LevelOne= heads because they look too big. Instead, ==LevelTwo== is the top level. You are free to pursue your own style in your userspace, but when Carolina makes the main encyclopedia, it would be nice if it looked like the other articles. Cheers! Spıke ¬ 03:12 16-Feb-14

edit Get a Pee Review

I see that you are counting the South Carolina article as finished on your user page. You have gotten my reactions, above (and I think it still relies too heavily on numbers and lists). Why don't you go to UN:PEE and file a request for someone else to look at it and give you comments? The step after that (and after appropriate edits to deal with the comments) would be to propose at Votes for deletion to delete the existing South Carolina article in favor of yours.

PS--I also see, listed at the bottom of your user page, both pages that are on your Watchlist. If you regard this as a privacy violation, you can switch it off using the My preferences button at the top of any page. Spıke ¬ 02:15 19-Feb-14

I'm sorry, this article isn't supposed to be showing as completed yet. I too think that the article relied to much on lists. I'm looking at replacing the lists with tables and paragraphs, before I send it to pee review. Also, I was wondering if I could just modify the current South Carolina article? Because, if anyone looks back in its history, they will see that it had the same idea before it was chopped and screwed.--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 02:39, February 19, 2014 (UTC)

Then it's my fault for jumping to that conclusion. You seem like a good writer, and last week I gave you autopatrolled so that our chimpanzees are not alerted to each of your edits as though you were anonymous. But so is Xamralco, who two years ago "cleaned up" the article to one-quarter of its former size. Both he and Extra Ordinary (2 edits in the last year) have left the building. So, yes you may, and if you do it gradually that way, there is no need for a vote of VFD; but it is still a good idea to seek additional feedback from others. Spıke ¬ 03:14 19-Feb-14

Ha, good writer, thanks for noticing. However, I have been hitting a bit of a creative wall lately (See:Myrtle Beach, South Carolina). As one may noticed there are several mentions throughout my South Carolina article about a gay paradise (Myrtle Beach in Gay Parish) located within the confines of an extremely homophobic (at least in real life) territory. My problem is that, I may not have 100% of what it takes to write about a gay paradise. However, the writer of Gaytopia seems to be able to be able to envision what I am after with my Myrtle Beach article. Is there anyway that NoNamesLeft (I think?) and I, can tag team this Myrtle Beach article?--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 22:01, March 5, 2014 (UTC)

By all means, invite NoNamesLeft to collaborate! Spıke ¬ 22:36 5-Mar-14

edit Templates

So, I was trying to transfer a template over from Wikipedia, like I've done successfully in the past in it seems that they are far more complex than they used to be. Do you know of anyway to create a sortable table with percentage change and with out?--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 22:01, March 5, 2014 (UTC)

I have been watching this with horror. EpicWinner was the last Uncyclopedian to realize that, to get some Wikipedia templates to work here, you have to import all of them. I don't know of anyone who has done a sortable table here, except using DPL to present a sorted list of Uncyclopedia pages using a predefined sort order; and I wish you would change focus to humor rather than statistics, technical tricks, and detailed emulation of Wikipedia. An article without such tables can be virtually 100% as funny as an article with; maybe funnier, as numbers aren't terribly funny. Spıke ¬ 22:34 5-Mar-14
Speaking of Templates, I noticed that when I removed South Carolina from the United States and made it a territory, I didn't place it in alphabetical order under the territories (maybe that's what you meant by utility). Upon seeming that there was a state named Katrina in the United States, I believed it was alright to make South Carolina a territory (so that it fits my article better). Please explain to me why this isn't fine?
I don't like having Katrina where it is; the author may have written about the hurricane as though it were a state, but few people will look for it under a list of states. Perhaps Southerners who want to read various articles about the South will see it there and jump in. Likewise, no one will look for South Carolina in "territories." (Nor, for example, Kingdoms.) Templates should help the reader and present a superficial impression of a serious encyclopedia, until the reader looks closely. Spıke ¬ 01:04 31-Mar-14

edit Kingdom of South Carolina

I have made some edits and links on your article. I want to do that first before giving it a Pee Review. Is that OK? --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 08:25, March 17, 2014 (UTC)

Totally ok with me...--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 18:18, March 30, 2014 (UTC)
Ok. Thanks. --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 07:06, March 31, 2014 (UTC)

edit South Carolina Highway Patrol

I have sent the rewritten South Carolina article back to Pee Review and I have also sent a brand new article (South Carolina Highway Patrol) to Pee Review. I was wondering if you would give some feedback on South Carolina Highway Patrol? I would greatly appreciate that.--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 14:17, May 28, 2014 (UTC)

An attractive and well-composed article. The Intro's use of your personal themes — the Sultanate and the Gay Parish — sort of demands that the reader enter your personal fantasy universe, at a time you should be trying to induce him to read further. Censorship doesn't help; it wouldn't appear in a "real" encyclopedia and the gimmick of having an article include "secret" messages is worn out here. Uncyclopedia is not a seamless alternative universe but a set of articles — famously written by unrelated individuals — where each article usually amuses by itself. I don't know anything about South Carolina, but the tone of this text makes me wonder if you are flogging personal grievances. When I get to Rachel Maddow, I really don't see what the point is. Winking references to things that happened in real life wander toward advocacy. Better to just be funny.
I saw your request to Romartus, and expect he will get back to you. Several other users like doing Pee Reviews, and several very new users have begun doing them, though not with the same degree of gentleness. It is an assumption that when you post to your talk page, it was so that I would read it; but any other Uncyclopedian is welcome to add his comments too. Spıke ¬ 14:33 28-May-14
I will definitely try to make this article more independent from the main South Carolina article. I did try to stick to the common thread that runs through most of the Uncyclopedia police related articles, Police shouldn't be trusted (this might make it seem like I am flogging grievances). I can definitely eliminate future use of censorship, however, there used to be a template that one could use at the top of censored articles that would legitimize redaction, without that template I feel censorship really doesn't work in a comedic sense. My big question here is how might the "Encounters with South Carolina Highway Patrol" section be considered advocacy? The last section was intended to be a sort of reward for making it to the end of the article (It was intended not to fit with the rest of the article). It was between Rachel Maddow scoring the digits of a sexy SCHP officer or Stephen Colbert getting robbed (or escaping robbery) on the freeway by the "old" South Carolina Highway Patrol. Would the later have leaned less toward advocacy?--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 00:34, June 1, 2014 (UTC)
First and foremost, there is no line you need to hew to when writing Uncyclopedia articles. There are pro-police and anti-police articles and it is simply because they are written by Uncyclopedians of different temperaments. And deliberately, there is no requirement that any two related pages be consistent with one another.
On the template, I don't recall it. But one problem with the censorship template is that it implies that the article's author is not the usual impartial-though-maybe-clueless encyclopedia writer but a spy or something, and selling an alternative viewpoint is always difficult and sometimes conflicts with the jokes you're trying to sell.
I do not indeed know what "advocacy" you are trying to achieve; I'm only saying that pulling Rachel Maddow into this article made me think you were trying to achieve some advocacy. That is, it seemed there were real-world undercurrents and I didn't get the joke. Spıke ¬ 03:17 1-Jun-14

edit Florida

I've deleted three sections of long lists, but this article is still in desperate shape and perhaps you are well situated to contribute. Spıke ¬ 16:16 31-May-14

Good call, I think I can definitely improve that article, but it will take a while because I don't visit uncyclopedia very often. --Athlete_logo_2.jpg 01:24, June 1, 2014 (UTC)

edit QVFD

Nice to "avoid the last-minute rush," but I am not going to delete a photo so as to leave a hole in a mainspace article. Edit it out first, then request deletion. (There is no need to change your post at QVFD this time.) Cheers! 15:07 30-Jun-14 PS--To refer to a photo without depositing the photo in the page, precede it with a colon, like this: File:MyrtleBeachcircu.jpg. Spıke ¬ 15:10 30-Jun-14

My mistake, I thought that I deleted it along with various other changes but I guess those changes didn't save. Thanks for the tip, I was wondering how to do the later!--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 15:18, June 30, 2014 (UTC)

You're welcome! Looking at your edit, please note for the future: [[File:...]] needs to go at the start of a paragraph, with Enter afterward. If it is embedded in a paragraph, MediaWiki doesn't compose the paragraph correctly. Spıke ¬ 15:22 30-Jun-14

Good Info--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 00:35, July 3, 2014 (UTC)

edit Kentuckistan

I think that I should also rewrite the Kentucky article. I feel like I can see what the original author was up to and there are things in that article that I can really run with. Therefore, I would like to keep the eastern bloc theme (someone put a lot of work into making it like that). I think that I could get that article to its potential (it also looks abandoned). What do you think?--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 00:59, July 3, 2014 (UTC)

I think you won't make it worse. Again, casting a U.S. state as a Soviet republic is officially regarded as way overused, but perhaps you can show that you are using the device deliberately and cleverly. Ditch the Cyrillic, as articles ought not be written in code. The article also chats too much with the reader and degenerates to lists at the end. No major editor has played with it since Mnbvcxz. Go wild. Spıke ¬ 01:07 3-Jul-14
I know this is a risk because the Soviet theme is officially regarded as over used, but I'm also counting on the fact that I haven't seen too many of those articles, therefore, I will not be tempted to draw any inspiration from them. Also, I was wondering whether or not it is ok to edit this template. The reason I ask is because it appears to be inside of Tom mayfair's userspace. It also appears that someone else did edit it, but they may have been invited..--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 15:08, July 4, 2014 (UTC)
Again, I think you won't make the article worse. HTBFANJS emphasizes at the start that all our hard-and-fast rules melt before excellent writing. A statement that something has been overused to the point of being unfunny is inoperative on a page where skill makes it funny. But just realize that no one is going to laugh at the mere comparison of Kentucky to a Soviet satellite; ideally, find stuff in real-world Kentucky you can use with cleverness to flesh out the theme.
On the template: "Tom mayfair" and the user who edited his space are long gone. But please neither further edit his template nor use Template: space at all for something that seems like it will be used in a single article. If you can't use one of the existing, generic templates, then copy the code from the Mayfair template and insert it into Kentucky. Spıke ¬ 15:15 4-Jul-14
Alright, that isn't too much trouble.--Athlete_logo_2.jpg 15:27, July 4, 2014 (UTC)
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