From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I must have cookies”
“Drop my bear now! ”
“I am your father. ”
Maximum Ride is the series of books written by a real 14 year old girl/bird/freak thing named Maximum Ride. The books are about her life and how great she is and stuff like that. So far, there have been three books written by her.
edit About Maximum Ride (the thing who wrote it)
Max has brown hair with blond streaks, brown eyes that sometimes are blue, and big sexy wings. She is tall and thin and has big boobs for her age. This makes her very arousing and fuckable. She also has an obsession of beating genetic scientists and Erasers and other stuff, has a mysterious voice in her head that talks to her, and is addicted to homemade chocolate-chip cookies. If you give her enough cookies, she will fuck you, male or female.
Maximum Ride and her flock were created when a bunch of evil genetic scientists had sex with a bunch of birds in an evil place called "The School", which is evil. After they hatched from their eggs, the scientists forced them to live in small, cramped cages and preformed cruel experiments on them. Finally, one of the scientists, Jeb Bitchhead, felt sorry enough to free the bird/kids things. He was able to help them escape to a house stuck somewhere in the middle of the mountains.
edit Meet the
Max lives with a gang of six other freakishly weird human/chicken genetic experiments like her, which she calls "the Flock". She, being the oldest, leads them in their evil schemes. They are-
Angel: The youngest of the flock. A demonic 6-year-old who can read minds and use mind control to force people to have sex with her. When captured, she bites anything she sees. She doesn't like to be called an "it", even though we all know she is one.
The Gasman (or Gazzy): The 8-year-old brother of Angel. He often passes gas without warning and can imitate voices. His favorite foods are hotdogs(including Iggy's hotdog) and omelets. In his spare time, he enjoys making weapons of mass destruction with Iggy.
Nudge: An extremely talkable 12-year-old who can see into the future. She likes to eat rats and other small animals raw, but pretends to be a vegetarian for no apparent reason whatsoever. In her spare time, she intends to pull money through her G-String so the Flock can have enough to eat now and again.
Iggy: A blind guy who likes it when he is bit on the penis by other guys. He once tried to have sex with Fang, but Fang was already busy with Max. Iggy is a great cook, which proves that he's a girl. In his spare time, he enjoys making weapons of mass destruction with the Gasman.
Fang (also known as Fnick): Max's lover and sex partner. He is hot and sexy with a dick the size of a small car. He pays Max with cookies when he wants sex and she doesn't. They have produced hundreds of eggs, but so far none have survived, due to the fact that Gazzy is a great fan of omelets.
edit Other characters
Angel II: Angel's evil clone.
Anne Walker: Works for Itex. Kept the Flock in her house in Virginia by Washington D.C. in Maximum Ride- Squeeze my Balls- Forever.
Ari: An asshole. He fucked his dad and the result was a bunch of things called "Erasers". He also became a Eraser too. He wants to have sex with Max, who makes him horny. He likes to play YouGayHoe on his gameboy, which is gay. He is Max's half brother and dies in Maximum Ride- The Asshole Experiment, and again in Maximum Ride- Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports.
Celeste: Angel's vibrating teddy bear sex toy. What else do you want to know?
Dr. Martinez: A vet who helps Max after she is gang raped in Maximum Ride- The Asshole Experiment. She is Ella Martinez's mother. In Maximum Ride- Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports, she is proved to be Max's mother.
Ella Martinez: Dr. Martinez's daughter, and Max's half-sister. When alone, she fingers herself wishing Max were there instead of saving the world.
Erasers: The offspring of Jeb and Ari, and workers of the School. They look like regular people, but when aroused, they turn into hairy wolfish things. They have tried to rape the Flock, but haven't been very successful. They are all destroyed in Maximum Ride- Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports.
Flyboys: Robot Erasers, made to replace the origial Erasers in Maximum Ride- Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports. They're not very smart, but can still fuck very hard. If you shove your foot up their ass, they will die (a structural flaw).
Jeb Bitchhead: An asshole. He rescued the Flock from the place they were created (called "the School"), and raised them like a father, but then he left and joined the evil scientists again. He is the father of 7-year-old Ari and in Maximum Ride- Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports,he is proved to be Max's voice (the one in her head that talks to her and tells her stuff like where to go and who to fuck) and her father. Also, sometimes you cannot tell if he is a male, female, or a she-male, because he enjoys changing around.
Max II: An evil clone of Max. Fights with Max in Maximum Ride- The Asshole Experiment, but loses.
Nudge II: Nudge's evil clone.
Omega: A superhuman-ish boy created by Itex, supposedly the most successful experiment ever made. He tries to kill Max in a fight to the death, just like Max II did, but, of course, isn't successful(no, even he couldn't resist the sight of her big, luscious breasts).
The Director: basically Big Bird, but more evil. Her name is Marian Janssen. The head of Itex(the company trying to destroy the world), she is part human, part galapagos turtule. She is one hundred and seven years old. She's not Max's mom, even though she says she is in Maximum Ride-Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports.
Roland ter Borcht: A fat, flabby, French fatass who works with Itex. He is introduced in Maximum Ride-Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports.
Total: Angel's talking dog, introduced at the end of the Maximum Ride- The Asshole Experiment. He is very arousing.
edit About the School
The school is located somewhere in Death Valley, and is where Max and her Flock spent most of their lives, stuck in cages and having experiments preformed on them.
edit About Itex
Itex is a real association that is trying to destroy the world by wiping out almost all of the world's population with STDs. If Max is not successful in her effort to stop them, we will all die.
edit Books and what happens in them
Maximum Ride- The Asshole Experiment: The first Maximum Ride book starts out in a mountain house in the middle of the mountains somewhere near New Mexico or something, where Max lives with her Flock. The Flock goes out after breakfast to pick strawberries, but suddenly, Erasers fall from the sky and start molesting Angel! The rest of the Flock are so scared they start running around in circles until the Erasers have disapeared. Max decides to start a rescue mission to where they think the Erasers have gone, the School. Max, Fang, and Nudge go to rescue Angel, but they make Gazzy and Iggy stay. Gazzy and Iggy are so mad that they have to stay that they start to have oral sex.
Max, Fang, and Nudge fly somewhere but Max ends up trying to stop someone (Ella Martinez) from being gangraped, but ends up being gangraped herself. Fang and Nudge fly to a cave where they quickly become bored and have kinky sex involving lasers and bears. Max finds Valencia Martinez, who is part-time social worker and pat-time superhero, Dr-Valencia-Martinez-Woman!! Max finds out she has an old rotting potato chip inside her (quite possibly a Dorito), and it cannot be removed. She flies out to meet Fang and Nudge, whose kinky sex marathon now involves the two of them fucking whilst gorging themselves on stolen Big Macs. Iggy and Gazzy find them after Gazzy ate a radioactive cockroach and subsequently has radioactive sperm.
They raid the 'school' in a stolen van, but it was a Toyota so the brake pedal didn't work and they ended up killing several possums before smashing into a wall. They wake up inside the school with Angel, who is intently watching Ari play with himself. Jeb Bitchead is there, he is one of the evil scientists and he tries to bribe Max into fucking him with some hot chocolate and some marshmallows. She refuses. Iggy is not so strong-willed. They escape by pouring molten coffee down Ari's pants, scarring his knob permanently.
The flock fly to New York, where they go to a Lady Gaga concert. Max sleeps in a tree, Iggy burns his hand on his own lighter and Fang and Gazzy have a threesome with Nudge. The next day they sleep in a subway tunnel, where they find a dude who is watching lots of porn on his laptop. They all get weird hairstyles.
Then they head down to a beach where they have a beach party and eat magic mushrooms. Fang is almost bummed by Ari, but Jeb Bitchhead is there again and he says "NO!!!" Luckily he has calmed down his raging hormones, and leaves. The flock then go back to New York and free some animals, Max fellate Ari but then kills him accidentally and they all fly off to the nearest KFC.
Maximum Ride- Squeeze My Balls- Forever: In the second Maximum Ride,
Maximum Ride- Fucking Your Mom and other Extreme Sports:
edit Fang's Blog
http://maximumride.blogspot.com/ This is Fang's blog. Here you will be informed on how many Erasers or Flyboys have been killed, how many eggs has Max laid, how many times Max and Fang have been laid, and other stuff like that.
edit Maximum Ride's Movie
soon in about two or three years.
edit Interesting facts about Maximum Ride
- Maximum Ride has wings and can fly.
- Maximum Ride turns me on.
- Maximum Ride fucked your mom.
- Maximum Ride wants to fuck YOU, yes ,<insert name here>, YOU!
- Maximum Ride's parents are Dr. Martinez and Jeb Bitchhead.
- Maximum Ride has a voice in her head that talks to her.
- Maximum Ride finds out that the voice is Jeb Bitchhead!
--P787bgogerej 16:07, 16 June 2007 (UTC)