This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:Orian57.
I've recently wondered why I've always left a comment on your page. I mean, you can always just leave a comment on my page if you want me to vote on something. What's going on again? METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(16:32 08-6-2009)
I think you were gonna suck my dick, but perhas that was a nightmare. Orian57Talk16:55 6 August 2009
Alright I'm using a Cargio 15x Mainframe system conected to an Hp desktop, my interface was and is again horrible. somone is on my system, Cargio Manframes are Hyper fragile, whoever is on my system could make my mainframe kill itself. They only way to get a deleted file back is with Cargio's "resurection" feature. I never use it because you always run the serious risk of jacking up if not killing the whole system. this is my one weakness, what do I do. Do I cut the power, disconnect my whole system from the cable, or just kick the modem untill I break it. I could run Ip scans on all 16 hard dirves, (15 in the mainframe, one in the desktop) but that would take all night. I'm really scared right now. I paid good money from my system.--Enemyatthegates 02:43, 6 August 2009 (UTC)user talk:enemyatthegates
But who are they? and what do they want? and why are you telling me? I don't how to turn my computer on. Orian57Talk02:46 6 August 2009
I'm terribly sorry if I appear to be rambling. 1.They could be anybody, you can't tell a name from an IP adress, 2.they want to act like an idiot; they used my mainframe to resurect a deleted video and used my email to send it to me with a rather funny quote from monty Python. I have no idea what they are doing now, or if they are even still on my system. I would like really somebody to search the entire domain for any traces of the video they resurected. because if someone from this domain resurected it, they might have uploaded it. Like I said I'm REALLY scared right now. If they were to kill my system, I'd have to pay 1000$ apeice to send off the mainframe's hard drives to have them reconfigured, and it'd be another bloody 2500$ to replace them. Please, if you cant do it, direct me to somone who can. I need the comfort and conformation.--Enemyatthegates 03:08, 6 August 2009 (UTC) talk
Erm I really don't know. You were probably right going to Mordillo. I must confess I was just mucking about before but this does seem pretty serious, albeit trivial. Orian57Talk04:26 6 August 2009
The Zombie Diaries
Evening Orian. I took a look at the article you are currently building and I liked it. I think it's a good concept and you write well with the style. I would be very interested to see what you can do with the article. There are a few problems with it as it stands but I will wait until you have finished writing it to talk about those, if they still exist. Bottom lin, it's good as it stands and I suspect you will make it even better as you progress. Big thumbs up from me, it has the makings of something mega. --ChiefjusticeDS 07:13, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Ah, thanks. Thats reasureing. I'll probably get it done by later. Orian57Talk10:43 6 August 2009
Really! that's awsome, why didn't say anything earlier!? Hey we could start up FotM again, I'll beat your ass though. And you'll like it too won't you, you little slutty puppy? Oh my god you'll be in the paper too! Orian57Talk11:10 6 August 2009
Of course you would, and of course I would. The fact that my partner is female knocks me out of the running for FotM. The fact that a couple of previous partners have been male just stops me being HotM. Of course, if there was a BotM, I'd be bottom... Pupt 11:17, 6/08/2009
Oh. Right. well this isn't news. You're bassically being all like "oh look at me! I fuck men in my spare time - look how liberal I am. Guys look! Look at me! LOOK!" (No but seriously? That's cool, I'm just pretending to be against you flip-flopping bisexuals because there's humour value.) Orian57Talk11:27 6 August 2009
I suppose. The accepted order is name-talkpage-date but we're always looking for mavericks around here. Just so long as you're not too maveric. Orian57Talk20:02 6 August 2009
Things Orian hates.
Adverbs, apparently. I know. He implausibly, angrily, unmercifully, distastefully, horridly, surprisingly, randomly, fatally, cruelly, simply detests them. Lol. Anyways, this is my way of saying bye. I'm off for a week. Yay! Nameable • mumble? 21:41, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Cornwall, in case you were wondering. Camping. Woop. Nameable • mumble? 21:41, 6 August 2009 (UTC)
Aww but-- Fine - be like see if I care. Actually I was there for my birthday and it was actually a pretty good holiday, so yeah have fun. Orian57Talk22:09 6 August 2009
I do believe the font is too big. And, you have an unclosed tag (or closed the tag in the wrong order) that will screw up any text after your sig (obviously). I went ahead and closed the division so your sig doesn't foul up pages, but I do believe the font isn't allowed to be more than 12 px high. --Mn-z 05:26, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
Yeah Mn's right, it's a bit too big. if it was smaller it'd be fine. Orian57Talk12:34 7 August 2009
Right I undid your edit just now because you removed messages. which is illegal. Don't do it. and now you've got a sig that absorbs text into it. So we have to sort that. but 12px should be fine, so long as you don't have it over more than one line. Orian57Talk15:33 7 August 2009
Well this one works just fine. I'll see what I can do about finding teh back ground you were after. Orian57Talk16:10 7 August 2009
I am home under protective gaurd for the next week after an incident at the vet's office. at 11:57 A.M. I was called out to the Vet to witness ny childhhod dog being put to sleep. It took 3 off duty SWAT to keep me from asaulting the vet staff. After the injection they let go, I reared around and decked one in the face plus pinned him to the wall. I was taken to the station and charged with assault, but under the circustances in which I attacked, I'm under house arrest and protective gaurd insted of a ankle band. I won't be logging on for a while after this.--Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 20:08, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
Er. Ok. sorry to hear that. Orian57Talk20:11 7 August 2009
I was shown the security fotage from the execution room just now, when they were holding me back I was using four letter words in combinations and contexts even sailors aren't allowed to use them in. I loled. I even made up a word; "Pojuengle" in the contet I used it in, it ment; to violently give a haircut. Then when I struck the SWAT I called him a "Turdburger". --Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 20:50, 7 August 2009 (UTC)
Here is what is going to happen now, I spiked the pitcher of iced tea with 7 CC's of everclear and both the gaurds are passed out drunk in my living room. I'm now going to confiscate their handguns and bury them in my yard, then I'm going to replace them with spray pained cap guns. I'll also confiscate their handcuffs and replace those with plastic hancuffs. They had no idea that they would shortly be getting more than protective gaurd detail.--Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 19:05, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
That is a little bit illegal, I'd imagine. but yeah. Good luck. Orian57Talk18:55 8 August 2009
I'm going to throw the toaster from my kitchen across the living room into the glass doors of the fireplace to see if they wake up.--Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 19:06, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
You're documenting all this, right. I plan on writing an article, Things to do under protective gaurd.--Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 19:15, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
Have you ever put bullets in the oven or microwave, or seen a video of it? I think they might go off if put into the oven. I'm up to no good, and will be up to no good for the next five days. (How much time I have left)--Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 19:29, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
I put a swastika armband on one of my gaurds, plus gave him new ID papers; Name: Lt. Fabricated Cunt, Rank: Sex Duty, and some other garbage. He has failed to even notice the armband he's so hungover.--Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 22:51, 8 August 2009 (UTC)
The gaurds had Barbeque delivered to my house, they paid for it. The claim was "We had a good time at the party yesterday". I'm effing speechless, they were dead serious, no trap. --Soviet Butt MunchHissy Tantrum 20:57, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
Sounds like you had fun. Orian57Talk21:35 9 August 2009
This week, Uncyclopedia's benign evil overlords, Wikia, shuffled the advertising layout on our fine website. Previously, the left sidebar contained just one Wikia spotlight. These spotlights are not advertisements as much as they are a way to whore Wikia and increase its position in some sort of Google rankings, since the links from the banner ads go from Wikia-hosted Uncyclopedia to Google and back to Wikia-hosted wikis on such relevant topics to users who are on a satire wiki as the Burnout Wiki and the Harry Potter wiki. These Google rankings are actually a series of thousands of monkeys at Google headquarters, who move beads around on giant abaci based on search engine hits. Users who click these cleverly disguised and probably illegal "double-switch" ads cause the monkeys to alter the beads in Wikia's favor.
However, in recent days this Wikia spotlight was moved to the bottom of each page rather than the sidebar and multiplied by three. A cursory look at any of the wikis linked in these spotlights results in a brutal assault of the senses, as they are all swimming in banner advertisements, sidebar advertisements, advertisements in the content, and links to highly useful Wikia features such as Wikianswers. While the increased number of spotlights on Uncyclopedia has not directly resulted in any cash flow, the increased Google bead rating has indeed caused Wikia stock to jump by six beads (the stock market is also organized using giant abaci, only it is operated by goats rather than monkeys). Wikia has decided to share credit for this jump in value with the users of Uncyclopedia, and all users will be receiving checks for equal amounts next Tuesday. The line forms behindOlipro, wherever he happens to be on Tuesday when the stock market goats arbitrarily decide to stop working for the day.
08:49, 31 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flat cap and a whippet (tha's callin' us lazy, lad? sithee 'ere, I were down t'pit 36 hours a day for tuppence when tha were nobbut a lad!)
02:40, 1 August 2009 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) resurrected Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) (Nah, it wasn't so bad. Your nakedness totally made up for it.)
02:01, 5 August 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Yes, you tell that "Jacob" what you really think about him! Now that you've told him off on a random website online you'll be the coolest one of your friends. You are such a badass.)
The Water powered bus is the most prominent mode of public transportation in rainy cities such as Seattle and London, and also underwater cities like Atlantis and New Orleans. Invented in 1954 by Sir Henry Bus, the water powered bus is capable of maintaining speeds between 'brisk gentlemanly walk' and 'brisk gentlemanly trot' for up to ten minutes.
August 10, 2009 - a date which will live in infamy.Gerrycheevers, the UnSignpost's handsome, talented, and, often times, only editor announced his leave of absence in order to head west, and make a name for himself. In an UnSignpost Exclusive, Gerry talked at length about his final destination and the exciting journey he expects. "[I'll be heading to] north dakota. [I reckon I'll take the famous Oregon Trail, driving a horse and buggy, herding cattle, planting seeds of injustice wherever I may.]" How long this move out west will take is unknown by all but our best psychics, and since Gerry has them trained to bite anyone who come near, we'll go with Gerry's approximate date of August 21. If all of our readers miss Gerry (and we have a feeling that, one paragraph in, you already do), please drop him a line. Tell him how much he is missed. Tell him that if he ever leaves again, we won't be so forgiving. Just tell him something. We don't want to have to do this without him again.
In an unrelated note, the UnSignpost - usually a shining example of grammatical correctness, good spelling, and hilarity - seems to have hit a drop in quality for this week's issue. The reasons for these changes seem to be a mystery to everyone. As far as we can tell, the problems that have arisen are completely arbitrary. The reasons for this change in quality have been the talk of the community this week. Some have suggested the recent meteor shower has caused an influx of gamma radiation into our atmosphere, creating a negative energy all over the Earth, and thus causing our writing abilities to falter. Under User stupidly blamed all of this on the change in editors, saying "Good to see we're keeping the time-honoured Signpost tradition of the revolving door to the editor's office alive and well. Although now Woody's in there, that should probably be a 'revolting' door."Bastard.
Popular Uncyclopedian Electric mocha something-or-other, also known as EMC, this week unveiled his latest creation: a trivia bot for the Uncyclopedia IRC Channel. The bot, named "UncycTrivia", stands at over seven feet tall and is made exclusively from red crayons. Seemingly, its only function is to spout random nonsense under the guise of trivia questions and then demand answers, awarding points to whoever manages to guess the random word or phrase it considers the answer.
EMC let loose his bot on the nerds, perverts and middle-aged alcoholics of #uncyclopedia, leading to even less constructive conversation then usual. Instead, the channel is mostly filled with dozens of people shouting random words in the hopes of being awarded meaningless points. Some, however, have pointed out that the only real difference between this and the way things were before is the awarding of points.
Not content with destroying one channel, however, EMC subsequently decided to bring his bot to ##turtle,the exciting new channel with the dubious honour of being "the BHOP of IRC" (but with less Bad Shroom), which also served as a staging post for a recent trollinvasion of Yahoo! Answers.
EMC was unavailable for comment when I was throwing this piece together in five minutes. He is presumed to be sitting in a cave somewhere stroking his large red crayon and laughing dementedly.
New Editors Have Trouble Matching up Left and Right Sides
In a startling development, the newest editors of the UnSignpost are proving to be quite inept at lining up the left and right sides of Post's template. It seems that our penchant for placing more and more boxes on the right side of the page has defeated the natural aesthetic of the Post's two-even-sides strategy. While this is a problem, it does seem to be fixable. Namely, by adding this headline and story. Is this just an obvious cry for help, that we are unable to do this without Gerry? Probably. But since our hostile takeover has proven quite successful unstoppable so far, we would disagree.
14:17, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Who is Ed and why should is he better than me?)
14:18, 10 August 2009 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Fuck you, me, stop proving that guy's point with your horrible horrible ban reasons)
15:30, 8 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds (beating me to a ban, and using a boring ban reason when you got there. honestly, I spend seconds on a ban reason, only to find it's wasted. gnurph!)
The Little boy who lives down the street is a child who lives down the street that no other children have ever seen. (And no-one knows his name either...) This is because the child has died, in several fashions, over and over again, the subject of which is constantly being brought up by your Mother and/or Grandmother when they’re explaining why you cannot do something that you really want to do.
"With the exception of Bruce Lee, these people are the least funniest people who have ever lived. Why people continue to cream their jeans over them for their supposed god-like abilities, I can't figure that out. Delete. Delete. Delete. Sakujo. Delete this massive faggotry. These people ain't bad THEY AIN'T NOTHIN'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" --RomanDogBird!!!!!:D :D :D :D :D :D :D 04:27, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
Not much at all. Not IRL certainly and not so much on Uncyc, except for the features I got last month (three on concecutive days, one of which is the top article of July). so far august hasn't been as productive. Orian57Talk07:50 19 August 2009
As far as I know, I've been too busy with things. Too many things. So many things that not even going to jail for some stupid shit would not stop me from doing those things. Those kinds of things. I'll still nom you for WotY in January, but overall, I won't be doing anything spectacular... not that my presence here was any spectacular anyways. So yeah, goodbye and all that,
The time of this doing of stuff was 20:56, 19 August 2009 (UTC).
P.S. -- I also think Uncyc itself wasn't as popular as it was last year, too. Or something.
Aw, shit, dude. I'm gonna miss you. :( Orian57Talk21:16 19 August 2009
Well, my time has come and stuff. It's not like I'm leaving forever or something. I bet 50 pounds I'll be back in a few months. I'll just be here today and tommorow, then I got the shit to do. Also, you can have all my stuff. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(21:18 08-19-2009)
Oh yay! I'll have a poke around see if there's anything I actually want. But yeah, I hope the shit goes ok and stuff. Orian57Talk21:23 19 August 2009
Yeah. So now I have to go to my friend's place (He has a house and doesn't have to pay part of the rent >:( all jealous 'n' shit) so we can cuddle or something later. Okay? METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(21:29 08-19-2009)
We're gonna miss you Methy, we're gonna miss you 'round here. We're gonna miss you Methy, we're singin' this through our tears. How're we ever gonna get along without you for a few, few, months? It's gonna be a long, long tiiiiime. If you don't get the reference I'll be all sad... 'n' shit. ~SponsorshipSucks !!! (21:34 08-19-2009) 21:34, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
Everything comes down to poo! And I'll miss you too Pupt 21:47, 19/08/2009
missed the reference... And now he's gone... Shit! Pupt 15:03, 20/08/2009
you'll be glad to know
My son came out of the closet today! :D Pupt 15:03, 20/08/2009
Seriously? Do I win a prize? Anyway great news! Orian57Talk15:42 20 August 2009
As I haven't talked about edit count for a while, and it was an edit related to cock. So it's good to see that I'm not losing my class. PS: shame about Freddie leaving, but what a match to leave on... Pupt 23:28, 22/08/2009
This is my 19,416th edit :) --Mn-z 00:11, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
I'm going to get sick of notching the edge of the desk whenever I make an edit. You must have almost no desk left! Pupt 00:51, 23/08/2009
And on a totally unrelated note, I found this image to balance out that one creepy cat image. --Mn-z 05:03, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
Oh wow. My internet should die more often. Also who's freddie and what is is leaving and why Orian57Talk08:55 23 August 2009
Whose Freddie... Are you sure you're not Welsh? Pupt 02:44, 24/08/2009
Just started chapter four. I've had no internet for the past day and it's surprising how much I got done, really. And I did spend a month or two planning (which I'm now rapidly loosing sight of). Orian57Talk08:58 23 August 2009
I see. At any point when you feel comfortable in doing so, could you either post some of it here or send me some via email? Again, just curious. —UnführerGuildyRittervonGuildensternenstein 21:47, 23 August 2009 (UTC)
I'd really rather not untill I've got it done. Besides if I give you an advanced copy where's your insentive to buy it? ;) Orian57Talk21:50 23 August 2009
But... Gratis copies for close friends... All 100,000 odd uncyclopedia registered members? (and I dare you to write insentive on UUs page... Go on) Pupt 22:13, 23/08/2009
After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight."
The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment.
New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void
In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this.
Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it.
12:30, 16 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (blanking pages makes baby jesus cry. it also gets your ass banned. maybe one or the other of those things will convince you not to do it again)
10:55, 18 August 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 18 days (so you let me look like an ignorant baffoon for 18 days? What kind of SLA is that?)
11:02, 18 August 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 hours (it's not that long in the grand scheme of things. America happily let George Bush look like an ignorant buffoon for 2 terms of office, for example...)
Biopic of the Week
The man from straight out of Kiel, Germany, NaturalBornKieler has been a tremendous addition to Uncyclopedia since joining in June, 2007. While he has had no issues splitting his time between both Uncyclopedia, and the German Uncyclopedia, he has, for some reason, written 10 morefeatures, and some 100 more articles for the German Uncyclopedia than for our beautiful English side. Still, it seems he has found his calling now, working in the big bureaucracy of the Foreign Office. NBK was unable to be reached for comment, as he was unable to get the proper approval from his superiors to be interviewed by a newspaper. Ahhhh. Bureaucracy at work.
Coping with adolescence and struggling to maintain its identity during the Napoleonic Wars, the United States looked to its mother country for guidance. But England, a single parent with a host of colonies to look after, had little time to spend with its gawky young child. Hoping to impose some sort of discipline over its increasingly sullen ward, England resorted to a 10 p.m. curfew.
Old School Old School Box of the Week
Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week
The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Modusoperandi is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now!
You just removed this from the poodle article and I believe that you are right, it's a bit too much. The quote, however, is from "The Soloist", a great movie, and sounds rather cool at the point it is said.
Could you try to work it in elsewhere for me? It seems you have a better understanding where to place these things. -- Paniq 10:57, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
I can't say I've heard of that movie, might check it out though. As for the article, I'm more or less of the opinion that featured articles should stay the way they are. Esspecially this one where so much of the funny hangs on the tone. Feel free to edit elsewhere though. In fact I hope you stick around, have fun. Orian57Talk11:06 26 August 2009
Oops. Didn't know it was featured. Stumbled upon the page. Decided to resume my humorist writing career on Uncyclopedia. Right now (and judging by the illustration on top of this page you do, too) I suck. Could still help to stick around and try to work out how to be funny in written words. I tried the introductory guide, but it's not funny. --Paniq 11:11, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
Actually, that image has been changed by somebody. It used to have the name Mohammud in English and Arabic pointing to the face. Now it doesn't. And besides it's says I'm sucking you. Orian57Talk11:13 26 August 2009
Right, that's what I said. I like the picture, it's mildly confusing. --Paniq 11:17, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
Hmm. I'm confused. I don't like it the way it is now, makes me look gay. Orian57Talk11:19 26 August 2009
No no, it's perfectly fine! It emphasizes hospitality. --Paniq 11:21, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
Exactly! People will expect me wear an apron, have a southern accent and bake pie all day. I don't know how to backe pie. Orian57Talk11:23 26 August 2009
Just wear the apron around the kitchen and have flour on your forehead. In fact, if you wear the apron and nothing else, nobody will even think about the pie! Pupt 22:09, 26/08/2009
What you see is what your mother get
Haya boy ! Am french. And, consequently, a baddass in english.
BUT (yes, there's a "but", otherwise it wouldn't be funny he ?), I'm on uncyclopedia, trying to translate from english to french, and from french to english (admin from Désencyclopédie, the french version of Un, will rape my fish if I don't work for them. Stupids. It's a boy, ahah. Ahem).
As I told you, I'm not very good in english. So, I'm gonna try to translate some of my french articles, and YOU, yeah, YOU, will have the extreme pleasure to correct it. In exchange, you'll receive 50% of my wealth, and I'll send you the least beautiful girls that want to sleep with me.
You lucky boy, you know. Remember that I love you. Like Jesus.
Ignoring the irrelevancy and returning to the original topic. What do you think of translating this article? Would it work over there in France? Orian57Talk09:32 29 August 2009
Don't think it would work. We have not the same kind of humour. Sorry. Maybe next time... Ahem, but what am I saying ?! Of course I'm gonna try. Eitherway, I'm advancing very slowly on french articles... Guess you'll have approximately 50-60 gramatical mistakes... Akromax 13:52, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
I wouldn't worry, he makes that many grammatical in an average talk page post in English, which is supposed to be his native tongue, so I don't think that'll bother him unduly... ;-) --UU - natter14:53, Sep 2
Also, I finished my article. Put it there User:Akromax/Stammer. I saw there was already an article for Stutter. Damn. I should have gone to church more often... Anyway, if you can take a look and correct it, pleeeeeeeease. Akromax 13:50, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
YER SUN SEZ HI!
Sorry i couldn't talk to you, I was on vacation at Lake Tahoe and forgot to put that template on my userpage. ~~SirFightstarRocks!CUN 04:51, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
It's probably a bad thing that I never even noticed... Orian57Talk08:42 2 September 2009
That's fine... and you are again? Pupt 09:19, 2/09/2009
"What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. Unfortunately Fortunately, Uncyclopedia's premier Ape-based entertainer, and occasional UnSignpost writer, An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays heroically stepped into the breach to save the flagging newsrag from going the way of the dodo, the Irish Elk, and Mhaille's marriage.
However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written.
"I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who."
However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it.
Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is:
People to do interesting stuff that I can write about.
23:23, September 1, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (THat FAG JUST WOULDN`T STOP SUCKING MY COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
13:08, September 1, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (blanking a WCW article? do you know how much of a moron that flags you up as?)
08:32, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a minor existential crisis (wait, so we DON'T care about people's gay friends? but I thought that was the whole POINT. what's the use in anything any more? I'm so disillusioned)
09:13, September 2, 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a debate (Are you gay then? You seem gay to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Unless you sleep with Orian. Do you? Are you gay then?)
09:26, September 2, 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a riposte (no wai, im not ghey, ive had lodes and lodes of chix. ur just jelus bcos ur mum's ghey. and ur dad. yeah, you herd, their both teh gheyz!)
21:09, September 1, 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (well fuck off then, wanker)
Biopic of the Week
Can't be fucked with this.
Old School Featured Article of The Week
Pot v. Kettle was a landmark case in USA history, giving people the right to make hypocritical statements without fear of retribution. It began as a civil rights case, as Kettle alleged that Pot "did not let [Kettle] work at the Pot's store solely for the color of [his] kitchenware". What made this Supreme Court case unique was the fact that the Pot himself was black, as was the Kettle.
Remember when Gerry was here? Things were so much better back then.
I'm at work after having only had about two hours sleep last night and I' have to pretend that I'm awake and alert for the day, and I have absolutely no motivation left. Tell me a story involving magical animals, please! Pupt 22:38, 6/09/2009
Oh yay a challenge! I shall do my best, unlike that turd above me. Orian57Talk00:34 7 September 2009
Once upon a time there was a unicorn named Frank. Frank, who was also a unicorn, lived outside the men's bathroom. Frank had not always lived there; he used to live in Spangle Forest but he had never felt truly welcome there. All of the other unicorns laughed at him because of the checked flannel shirt he wore and the fact that he was, well, rather rotund (which means fat).
So one day Frank decided to run away from Spangle Forest and follow his dream of taking away the civil liberties of all those fascist cunts that that had bullied him throughout his childhood in Spangle Forest.
After leaving the house where his fathers had raised him he left for Cinderblock City, which was in the Deep South, just west of the sixties. Here frank found that none of the bars were open before or after ten, and all the other unicorns that went to them wore shirts that were either cleaner or dirtier than his and they all shared the same tortured soul.
Frank (who is still a unicorn) liked it very much in Cinderblock City and rented the stable above Perpendicular, his favourite bar. Much to his convenience he also got a job in that same bar. Everything was going fabulously.
And then it wasn’t. One day, when Frank had been instructed to clean the toilets, he came across two other unicorns hoofing each other and laughing (and screaming and squealing) about how Frank always worse the same shirt. This made frank angry and so he burnt them in the centre of Cinderblock City. Then the fire spread out of control and all of Cinderblock City caught fire and was destroyed. It didn’t end there though, Spangle Forest also caught fire and because of it’s dry sense of humour it too burned to the ground.
Frank was left alone and depressed to wander the baron and desolate wasteland he had created forever.
I kinda lost it towards the end there but, yeah. Magical. I should put this in nurseries. Orian57Talk00:34 7 September 2009
I've got it for the 360 but I think it's on PC too and yes it's awsome. Orian57Talk01:56 7 September 2009
i'm ready to sell my mother to get modern warfare 2... And i dont like consoles because i cant play shooters with analouges, i've been playing them with a mouse for 11 years Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool02:07September7'09
You see I can't play shooters on the PC having had consoles since I was eight. Orian57Talk02:09 7 September 2009
But... did Frank ever find happiness? Pupt 03:04, 7/09/2009
I am unrelated in this conversation, but will butt in to say that Fallout 3 kicks ass big time. I own it for the xbox 360 and am very sad that college is cutting into the time I get for that game :( -- SoldatTeh PWNerator(pwnt!) 04:39, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
A better story
Once there was a big fat ugly drooling retarded magic hippo that couldn't chew with his mouth closed.
Reading is hard (as is writing). Looking at silly animals is easy (as is sporking images from flickr). --Mn-z 03:22, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
Hippos Have already been used this conversation so points off. Orian57Talk04:18 7 September 2009
I would have given bonus points if the story was about a hippo about to give oral to an elephant. Pupt 08:36, 7/09/2009
Which is why you're in jail Australia and I'm not. Orian57Talk11:10 7 September 2009
At 1:38 AM, sacrifices ablated a document. While oxygen was optimizing, a politician suddenly proved. Happiness is a warm puppy, said the anaconda. Phil Latio sniffs bikini! Fairy deceives a tomato! BASKETBALL'MUGABE HAS AIDS'! Especially, ear mite deceives forks!
Did the sargent curate...
...that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
In fact, diet pills</noinclude> throws</noinclude> CHINK</noinclude> hitman</noinclude> Bigfoot</noinclude> stomachs</noinclude> Cuban</noinclude> Q and 1/2</noinclude> BULLSHIT</noinclude> gay</noinclude> Ouch!</noinclude> The best-written article on the site</noinclude> deteriorates</noinclude> tonsils</noinclude> mentally ill one</noinclude> July</noinclude> Izingogo</noinclude> to defenestrate</noinclude> Chris Parker</noinclude>.
Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer.
Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! Tamara Harrington</noinclude>. Yow!</noinclude>.
09:47, August 30, 2009 Mordillo protected "WP:HOTCAT" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) (there, no more redlinks) (hist)
10:22, August 22, 2009 Thekillerfroggy blocked Miley Spears with an expiry time of Judgement Day (pointlessly productive, dedicated user)
Random Biopic of the Week
The man, the myth, the user not many people really know. Random pipings was an active user way back in March 2006. Sure, he only had 46 edits. Sure, during his heyday in March, 2006 he only had 32 edits, which most of our more accomplished users can rack up in half an hour. And yes, only 3 of his 6 articles are stillaround, including the critically acclaimedHealth. But, in spite of all that, he has a place in our great wiki here. Because even though he's not around, and his articles are not beloved, everyone can find a niche here, and that's exactly what Random pipings has done. I mean, how many other great men could have made a "Your mom", "Oscar Wilde", and "David Hasslehoff" joke in one fell swoop? Not many I say, and for that, Random pipings, we salute you. Here's to the little guy. Huzzah!
Eat that, chronic masturbators! Random colour! Hahaha!
Sure, talk to UU. Look foreward to seeing what you can do with it, I just got caught in a rut with it. Orian57Talk22:36 7 September 2009
Leaving Uncyc, I guess.
Uh uh. So, cya! It's been fun, but...just got too much stuff to do in, you know, the real world. I might pop back from time to time, but probs won't. Anyway, wrote this on here, to tell you to keep going with UnBooks:Daddy's New Wife - Philip! I'm sure with your skills you can make it into a feature. Nameable • mumble? 19:37, September 7, 2009 (UTC)
Oh D: That's sad to here, you're awsome. Hope you get the stuff done. And yeah I might seriously revamp/re-write that, if you don't mind. Hope you come back sometime! Orian57Talk22:39 7 September 2009
Good news, everyone!
Good news! My brother got a 30-day ban at some website, so he has decided to return to his life, so that I can escape from mine! But you know that in October, my IRL status will go back to full speed. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(23:08 09-7-2009)
Sure, you enjoy these 4 remaining weeks with your... insert relationship here, asshole. ~SponsorshipSucks !!! (23:14 09-7-2009)
Oh god, sorry gize, I forgot to reply here. Good too see you'll be around more! Orian57Talk22:38 12 September 2009
For the record
English isn't my first language and you're lazy. I hope that doesn't make you sad. ~ 21:28, September 12, 2009 (UTC)
:( I know. But your Englush is remarkably goof. Orian57Talk22:31 12 September 2009