This page is an archive. The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:Orian57.
Well I never, pristine purity? This cannot be allowed to remain for any significant time. I shall do what must be done. I am unashamed. --UU - natter15:25, Jul 10
UU!!! /me dive tackles UU/ I've missed you so much! How you doing? what did I miss? Orian57Talk15:27 10 July 2009
You missed everything exciting that could possibly happen in the history of this site. It will never be that fun again. Also, you missed Anderson taking a couple of wickets, but unfortunately the Aussies taking almost complete control of the first test. And I know that will upset you massively. --UU - natter15:32, Jul 10
Oh you haven't changed a bit have you! We should go for coffee - or a meal even, be good to catch up after all these years, I'll even give you a signed copy of my latest novel - my edititor says it's gonna be huge! Orian57Talk15:36 10 July 2009
Yeah. I left all that gay stuff behind a while ago, have you met my wife? Orian57Talk15:41 10 July 2009
I can't work out which is the better work of fiction - that comment or the novel... --UU - natter15:45, Jul 10
Is it me or did this text just get bigger? Also the novel. Made the wife up in three seconds flat. The novel took much much longer. Orian57Talk15:48 10 July 2009
No but seriously, this text. Also why is my new header only working on this page and not the others? Orian57Talk15:51 10 July 2009
Text looks OK to me. Far as I can see. Of course, it is friday, so I'm not really concentrating. --UU - natter15:56, Jul 10
I swear it looked bigger! And it's yay it's Friday! The conclusion to Torchwood - they killed Ianto last night! How could they!? Orian57Talk15:59 10 July 2009
Never mind that - 5 o'clock has ticked past - I'm outta here! Kapwinnnnng! --UU - natter16:11, Jul 10
Thanks for not at all letting-that-slip-at-all-to-someone-who-may-not-have-finished-watching-it Orian. But anyway, real thankies now!
CHEERS! Thanks for voting for this. Cat appreciates it too. Or I think she does, because she's chewing the carpet quite happily.
Hang on a second, that doesn't look like the carpet. No! She wouldn't! Not the cabbages...!!! Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:08, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
Sorry! I cried though! Poor Ianto. The whole of this series was awsome and it comes a brilliant conclusion. And you're welcome, I loved that article just as much as I did Ianto. Orian57Talk12:13 11 July 2009
Conclusion! You mean this is the end of Captain Jack? Noooooo! Pup 12:28, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
Well now look whose spoiling it for him. Orian57Talk12:41 11 July 2009
Saw episode 1 last night... I am so in love with this series... Pup 00:24, 13 July 2009 (UTC)
Oh it is exceptional. Ep 2 dips a bit but generally is's great. Made up for the fact There isn't a proper series of Doctor Who this year. Orian57Talk15:40 13 July 2009
Hi! (Or, Yet Another Exclusive Convo between Methy and Orian)
I'll be on and off during the summer, I have less free time on my hands, apparently I was beaten with a bat until I took a restaurant job to pay part of the rent or something. How are you doing? Also, do you like my sig? No? OKay. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(18:19 07-12-2009)
Oh hey, cool. I've been trying to find work too, but you know credit crunch. Or something. It's good to see you! Also, would you vote on this for me? It's not getting enough attention. I have two other things on VFH too but they're doing fine. That was just plain whoreing, how you don't mind. And your sig looks more yellow and it's in english, both improvements in my book. :D Orian57Talk18:24 12 July 2009
Oh it changes colour! that's cool too. Orian57Talk18:25 12 July 2009
Yeah you were under a different name for long enough, but I never really new you untill you became Methy. Anyway, good to see you around again! Orian57Talk18:32 12 July 2009
I'm guessing either names or activity depend on the amount of people who know you. Probably both. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(18:37 07-12-2009)
Activity more than names I'd imagine. I didn't avoid you as Jasper I just didn't see you much. Also :) Orian57Talk18:42 12 July 2009
By the way, "It was a promise I gave, it's a promise you'll get" is another way of saying, "Don't forget, I'm nomming you in January". METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(18:44 07-12-2009)
Yes but I'd like to get at least over 20 features before deserving writer of the year. Thanks though, check out my user page and the read tab at the top to see my latest works. Orian57Talk18:47 12 July 2009
You only need like 8 more features. After Trapped at Sea, you'll only need 7, you can manage that for the next 5 or 6 months. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(18:52 07-12-2009)
Yeah, I've got 3 articles on VFH right now, so I'll most likely have 15 by the end of the month. But I'll probably end up trying to get into the top five in Hall of Shame. But yeah, I really apreciate your support! Orian57Talk18:55 12 July 2009
That shit (actually it's not that bad, but it does need some clean up)? What about Insomnia? It was much better and it was July 08. Orian57Talk19:01 12 July 2009
I wasn't Vote For-ing until August. I voted for your Why? Don't You Have A Girlfriend. It was my first second vote in VFH. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(19:06 07-12-2009)
Cool. Also thanks for those other votes too! I'm pretty much gauranteed, three more features. I'll be ahead of UU then! And some other people. :) Orian57Talk19:11 12 July 2009
Well if that happens I'll almost certainly deserve it. Unless I cheat and just write twenty more Joshy Articles (I'm not gonna do that though, too pleased to have gotten away with LazyTown). Orian57Talk19:27 12 July 2009
So your Joshy phase is over, now comes your encyclopedic phase? You know what I've noticed? There was no sexual reference throughout this entire conversation. Should we take our pants off? METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(19:35 07-12-2009)
I've only done one good encyclopedic article, although I'm working on another. I really like UnScrits actually. I think that's gonna be my next phase. And what! I've been masturbating this whole time and never mentioned it!? Orian57Talk19:39 12 July 2009
/fap fap fap fap-fap-fap-fap-fap--TEAR/ Shit. I didn't know it could come off! Orian57Talk19:43 12 July 2009
OH god! Another 911 situation! Where's RT when you need him? Where's the fucking insurance company? WHY WAS MY DAD A SCIENTOLOGIST?!METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(19:50 07-12-2009)
Yeah, no. Stop confusing our fathers! Yours was Catholic, and a rapist, mine was a Atheist turned Scientologist. ~SponsorshipSucks !!! (19:59 07-12-2009)
I wish I had an interesting life like that. The TV always makes it look like fun. Orian57Talk20:24 12 July 2009
I've heard that a life is a good thing to have. I might try it at some stage. Pup 21:55, 12 July 2009 (UTC)
It's not so great. We sort of hate each other. We sort of want to shoot each other in the face. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(15:24 07-13-2009)
Well obviously I was being frivolous. Dunno about Puppy though, he seems just Austraillian enough to like it. Orian57Talk15:37 13 July 2009
Life is good. Doesn't have anything to do with being an Aurstraialllaiain. Has something to do with Prozac. Pup 07:43, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
It has. Now sort your sig. Put it in a template and then go to my preferences and enter: {{subst:nosubst|template name}} then click the custom sig box. Also Greak to see ya about, I thought you'd left. Orian57Talk00:21 13 July 2009
Re:Thanks
No problem, but I hate zombies. They scare the living dead crap out of me. Loved the article though. Padddy5 23:11, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
Fast zombies are scary. But slow ones are just pointless, as I showed in my article. Also in future you can just edit up the header on your page, I'll have put it on my watchlist. :) Orian57Talk23:13 14 July 2009
This is my 1,100th edit
Which given that it's a milestone, it seems a shame that I actually have nothing to say. Pup 08:28, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
Yeah my 10,000th edit was something like putting a comma in a pee review I'd just submitted but not proof read. Orian57Talk10:07 15 July 2009
Welcome template
Hey there. I found Template:Welcome, which was different from your message, and I am busy. Pee Review --> "...Reviews are a requirement of you wish to self-nominate an article..." should be "if", I imagine. I also figure the page is probably protected, so if you don't mind, I'll leave this in your hands. Thanks. 1½ (TCE) 11:27, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
Just found it (I presume) in your userspace, another nice reason for me not to edit it, eh? :P 1½ (TCE) 11:34, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
Ok, thanks, I'll sort that out. Also do you have your sig in a template, you should, if you do then it's leaking, I think possibly what Necropaxx said in the next conversation was actually to you. so see if you can sort that out, if you need me to explain what I mean then I will. Orian57Talk14:57 16 July 2009
1) No, not a template.
2) ...um...look at my signature - I have no "span" tags at all. 1½ (TCE) 11:24, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
You're sig code's leaking.
I think I see the problem. I'll see what I can do... •••Necropaxx(T){~}00:40, Jul 16
Hm. It looks like the problem is in your "My preferences" thingie. You'll have to do it. You're missing a ">" at the end of one of your span tags. Hope this helps. •••Necropaxx(T){~}00:46, Jul 16
Wait me? but I haven't touched my sig since I changed it! Orian57Talk02:02 16 July 2009
press
howdy, orian. the signpost is considering running a story on your recent string of success, and possible causes. would you care to comment? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:21, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic. Also I'm hoping to beat my record of 4 in a month, so I need at least one more. Not to mention the way VFH is I could probably get Soap Operas featured if I wanted. *hint hint*Orian57Talk15:30 16 July 2009
Well it's string. And it's successful at being string. What more do you want? Orian57Talk15:56 16 July 2009
Well, there's only one against vote. That happens. If it doesn't make it, we can try again next week. Wait, what? METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(17:15 07-16-2009)
Collab?
Remember considering it long ago in days untold? I'm considering it again. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(15:44 07-16-2009)
I don't actually. But if you've got an idea that'd be helpful. Orian57Talk15:46 16 July 2009
This week noted user An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays returned to the wiki, and immediately rendered that return "triumphant". However, other users are beginning to feel the effects of the presence of this primate whose quantum mechanical properties dictate that he be only during certain periods of the week. This incident left onlookers shocked, and worrying if something similar could happen to them. Not since the return of a scantily-clad Olipro has this website seen such a display of sheer terror mixed with complete confusion (and in the case of Olipro, a bit of curious arousal mixed in).
The aforementioned incident involved one user who had AATOEOT embedded in his dreams. Most curiously, this episode seems to have happened on a Friday night, a time period when an An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays should decidedly not exist. Nearly a week has passed without further disruptions, although that may be partially due to Ape's ban after being kicked off of the Uncyclopedia island during a rousing game of Uncyclopedia Survivor. Regardless of the reasons behind the strange occurrences, users should be sure to keep an eye out for strange occurrences on and off the wiki...particularly on Thursdays.
For the last few days, an explosion of nominations has inundated Uncyclopedia's waste removal system, Votes for Deletion. After a period of low activity, where there would typically be just a few to several nominations, things picked up last week. In the last few days, the situation has accelerated into what is being called by experts a "shit-ton" of undesirable content festering in the dark, unvisited corners of the wiki. Said undesirable content is currently being read, discussed, and dealt with accordingly, as is the usual procedure at the highly efficient VFD.
Circumstances have escalated to the point of rattling a few relaxed admins. One such incident involved a user getting the customary one-day ban for increasing the active nomination count past twenty, when the user in question had, in fact, only increased the number of active noms to twenty. Owing to the normal tendency of the article count of VFD to stay in the low single digits lately, the lapse is certainly forgiveable, and was quickly corrected. Afterwards the two parties exchanged pleasantries and shared a S'Mores which was roasted over the open bonfire of newly deleted articles.
Former poopsmith MrN9000 commented on the situation, saying, "Well you know I fancy the standards at VFD have improved significantly in recent times. Not so long ago it would often just be a quick "Short and Shit" vote from UU, and the latest stub was on for a huffing. These days we are spending more time voting on closer votes and are deleting much better articles than we used to! Something VFD is really proud of." In a final display of VFD patriotism, MrN added, "CHECK THE PAGE HISTORY BEFORE NOMINATING YOU BUGGERS!"
Noted rainbow-colored user Orian57 has recently enjoyed a remarkable string of success (pictured on right). He has scored an unprecedented natural hat trick of features, with UnBooks:Daddy, There's a Zombie in the Garden, LazyTown, and UnScripts:Trapped at Sea reaching the front page on consecutive days. Not since the time of such legends as Savethemooses and The Thinker have such lofty VFH records been broken. Although in the case of STM, there were probably mitigating factors involved, like wooden articles rather than aluminum, or something. Or aluminium, that strange substance only found in England by mining thousands of millions of other strange occurences, such as referring to the trunk of a car as a "boot".
This god-like spasm of awesomeness is fresh on the heels of Orian's Writer of the Month win in June of this year. Since the beginning of that month, he has seen six of his works grace the front page, and he shows no signs of slowing down. When reached for comment, he explained, "Well I suppose it's down to being fantastic. And unemployed. But mostly being fantastic." The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Orian on his recent spat of win, and express hopes he will continue the pattern well into the future.
09:27, 9 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a bouncer from Flintoff (pre-emptive ban before you ban me for pickiness. your English > my Hebrew etc etc...)
20:38, 14 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Impersonating a girl. Perv.)
14:03, 16 July 2009 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.186.81.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months (you know Euthanasia might just be the thing you are looking for....)
Biopic of the Week
Known as the man of many signatures (most of them garish and spinning in some fashion), Mahm00shA has made quite the impression on Uncyclopedia since joining in February. His transcription of an interview with a cab driver in his native Egypt has earned him recognition as a writer, and his other useful qualities have earned him an Uncyclopedian of the Month nomination. Go 'moosh!
Quote of the week
[16:41] <Tayor> we're going to need a base to work from.
[16:43] <Tayor> by 'we' I meann 'I'
[16:43] <Tayor> and by 'are' I mean 'am'
[16:43] <Tayor> and by 'work' I mean 'give blow jobs'
In honour of The Ashes, it's: UU's classic cricket commentary of the week!
"There's Tony Greig standing at second slip — legs wide apart, bending over, waiting for a tickle" - Brian Johnston.
Of course, this simple piece of commentary should require no clarification, but any Americans, other foreigners, or chavs who don't understand the finer points of cricket can pop over to UU's talk page for a patronising explanation.
Old-School Featured Article of the Week
Martin Van Buren was the eighth President of the United States, a key figure in U.S. political development during the nineteenth century, and a total dick. While other legislators were busy dueling or being awesome in general, Van Buren spent his time practicing his douchebag skills and smelling of old people. He always argues about the stupidest things, and he refuses to ever admit he's wrong. And I'm never letting him borrow my car again.
Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week
The UnSignpost editors regret to announce the introduction of a new device, the "Panicky Last-Minute Box of the Week". This box will be used to take up space on the right-hand side of the UnSignpost, an example of which you are currently experiencing. Look for this box to appear when a larger than usual number of stories on the left side of the UnSignpost and an impending end of the work day force the editors to make something up on the fly. This also offers opportunities to sneak trusted mascot DogNewspaper into the issue.
I had to steal this paper! And i'm bloody in it! Orian57Talk03:27 17 July 2009
A question for your Oriany contemplation
Morning chap. As someone with more features to their name than me (congratulations on that, by the way) and whose opinion on funny therefore is far more worthwhile than my own, can you give me a vague opinion on an idea I had? The basic intro is here. I'm considering putting flesh on its bones, but can't decide it it'll be worth bothering. The intro isn't funny as it stands, but do you think the idea it sets up has the potential to work, or should I just sick to creative ban reasons for now? I'm trying to find something that would re-ignite my writing mojo - doing lobster with Caj and Gerry reminded me that I like writing stuffs, but I've been struggling to find time, find an idea, and find the inclination to write something of my own again. Is this the place to start or not? A quick answer is all I seek. Pippings. --UU - natter09:23, Jul 17
It seems interesting, like you said not lol right now but it could be. also how does this strike you? I'm worried it's not funny and already a bit long dispite not being done with the first section yet. Also this seems like fun but we've probably already got stuff like it. Thoughts? Orian57Talk16:17 17 July 2009
1200 edits
Looking back on the last 100 edits, and not much has changed. Pupt 15:16, 18/07/2009
Is this as shit as I suspect? I have a feeling it's not going anyplace funny. Orian57Talk15:19 18 July 2009
Judgement is too askew at the moment - it's 1:30am and I'm only staying awake as I need to go and pick someone up from a party. Quick question - I've just had an article huffed that I didn't want to be and I'm trying to work out who did it and why. What would you do in my position? Pupt 15:29, 18/07/2009
Aah, worked it out - all is good. What's you opinion on this? I know it needs something, but I'm not sure what. Pupt 15:32, 18/07/2009
Being honest I'd find a concept that people will read. We already have backwards and it's just the same and (in my opinion) not funny. even if you bother reading it forwards, which is pretty difficult for most people. Basically this is like your other one with the dissapearing text whose name I can't remember, it's just the one clever and visual joke, which, for me, isn't enough. So for this I don't actually know what I'd do, probably something about a guy thinking back, but doing it so much he misses out on the now. But again this is just my opinion. but that script of mine, is it shit? Orian57Talk15:44 18 July 2009
Just finished reading it. The genre is ripe for the ridicule - well and truly otherwise stuff like Scary movie wouldn't work. I'd probably put in more breaking the fourth wall stuff about how they have to do certain things a certain way as that's what the formula says. Stuff like "Oh, we have to end up in the same room together because that's the way this genre works." Think about the internal commentary in Scary movie - that kind of thing. There are a couple of giggles in there. It'll need substantial work to get it working though, and to be honest I don't see it being feature worthy.
Regarding Thinking back (and Vitligo) - they're both experiments in visual humour that's textually based. Thinking back was also to get me used to working in MediaWiki. To be honest I didn't even know that there was a "backwards" until I'd finished this. I actually didn't put Vitiligo forward for VFH, and at this stage probably wouldn't have voted for it if it weren't for my ego - I personally think it's the weakest article that I've done with the exception of maybe my list and carebears. Note how I don't link them from here - tells you something Pupt 15:56, 18/07/2009
Regarding my script. That's what I thought, not feature worthy so no point (now a days I only really write something if I intend it to be a feature). Also I dislike breaking the fourth wall, it can be good but I wouldn't base a whole article around it. but I do apreciate your feed back because now I can get rid of it and move on.
And it's good to see where you can go with things like that but I just dont think they do justice to writing, because the joke isn't in what's written but the font or colour and so you've bassically got a picture. Anyway, congratulations on your edit count, I have over 11,000 now. Orian57Talk16:17 18 July 2009
I have over 1,000, but mainly because I never click the preview button. Also, can I get some opinions on my script? ~~SirFightstarRocks!CUN 21:55, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
I live by the preview button now... I've fixed a couple of minor spelling issues with the script, so I have no major issue with spelling or grammar. Obviously this is almost pure quotation so there's no issue with prose. Plot line is negligible, but then again it's meant to be.
I like the homage to the futuristic police movie. Watchmen, Logan's Run, and RoboCop and a few other bits and pieces spring to mind. I was waiting for the "Hand in your badge" line to spring into the mix. It is a little American centric, but given that most of these movies are American based there's no issue there. (Actually, even if it wasn't there'd be no issue, just a bunch of people from UK and Australia whining about it.)
I don't know about the Mexican bit. Aren't we able to pick on terrorists from an unnamed country? It seems to be de rigueur for western countries when trying to justify war. "...and end our lives in the peril of flames." actually makes no sense in English, even though I knew what you were trying to say. "Peril" means danger, so either change to "...live our lives..." or just drop out the "...peril of..."
I like the start where his boss is trying to explain to Tarabonn that Jill is dead. I'd probably extend that a bit, have each part of the story being brought out a bit at a time so that the Boss says everything short of the word "dead" and Tarabonn still not get it.
All in all it has promise. Steal as much as you can from the genre and use it. The more clichés from the movies the better. Pupt 01:11, 19/07/2009
Hey
I know you love my talk page, but i think that Benson is offended. He has a whole forum dedicated to something like that. zh 12:54, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
??? Those ARE the forums. They don't just look like forums. Orian57Talk18:05 19 July 2009
1255 edits
Which is such a sucky number. If I had been thinking clearer I would have done this five edits ago. Got a little sidetracked with the PEEreview of the Bible. While I'm here though, I have one of yours that I'll look at tomorrow (as my blushing bride is telling me to leave the computer alone). But if you have the opportunity I'd like a sort perspective on this incomplete article. Pupt 09:14, 20/07/2009
okay, I looked at it. I'll look again tomorrow. Pupt 10:29, 20/07/2009
All right. I've slept on it, and in the cold light of the morning, I still don't like it. Concept is good, but execution is a little meh... I'd drop out larger parts of the first chapter - although I like the bit about getting into the warehouse and being completely redirected it doesn't fit in with the rest of the article. The actions scene is a little clunky and confusing. again, this is said all strictly IMHO. Pupt 21:24, 20/07/2009
Hi Hi!
Uh yeah, I haven't been doing much recently, but had an idea. This is very much in the idea stage, but can I ask some advice (as you are the master of funny, literally) - Do you think this is a) vaguely funny or has the possibility to be funny and b) work better as an UnScript or an UnTweet or what? Thank you plentifully! Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 19:00, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
No, wait. That's not what I meant at all! Please! Hello? Don't ignore me! Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:50, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
You know what I might do? I might just carry on talking to myself here on your talk page. Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:51, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Actually, this is pretty fun. I mean, not super duper fun, but HI NAMEABLE!!! You look hot. Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:52, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Why, thank you, Nameable. I might just say you are looking pretty fine yourself. So, what you up to? Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:53, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Me? Oh, I'm just hanging around on Orian's talk page. I have absolutely no reason, but meh. What about you, handsome chappie? Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:54, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
It was me! Ho ho ho! I do enjoy talking to you, Nameable. By the way, I love your sig. Really goes with Orian's talk page. Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:57, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
You are so right. So does yours! Smashing. Hey, do you reckon Orian will mind we have taken over his talk page? Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:58, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Nah. I'm sure he'll be ecstatic with Nameable goodness! Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 11:59, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
OK, no need to be harsh! It's only in the beginning stages! Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 12:06, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Alright. Hey, do you reckon we might have the longest self-conversation in Uncyclopedic history here? Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 12:07, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
You know, we should tell him to read all the above links when he gets back. Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 12:10, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Yep. Or we could just finish them and put them on pee review. Who knows if he's ever coming back? Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 12:11, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Hey, that's a thought...PEE REVIEW! Why didn't we think of that before? Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 12:12, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Beats me. You must be stupid, Nameable. Anyway, I'm off! Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 12:13, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
Did somebody say something? Pupt 13:04, 25/07/2009
Oh shiit, sorry, I did forget. I'm sorry, I'm useless. I'll get back to you once I've found time. sorry, you've gone mad. :S Orian57Talk16:59 25 July 2009
I think you mean SCHIZOPHRENIC! But that's not mad. In fact, I'd say it was our best quality. Nameable • mumble? • (UnScr:PWotM) 19:53, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
So I talked to you that one time for like 2 minutes before one of my best friends who was in Texas (far from me) got online and I had to talk to him and totally blew you off, but in a non-sexual way.
I am ashamed of Scotland and wish disassociate myself from it. Orian57Talk15:13 21 July 2009
Ah. Well I guess that makes sense. But now you are not generic.... I like others to be generic. I get a laugh out of it. What I'm saying is that I'm unable to get a laugh at your expense. Good luck with your self respect or whatever.... Douche bag. WoodyOnFire!Talking WoodyStalking Woody 15:16, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
This week, several Uncyclopedians banded together under the leadership of one Guildensternenstein to form some sort of "Fantasy Football" organization. What exactly this entails is unclear, but it appears that the football- and soccer-related fantasies of the participating members will be carried out in the semi-private confines of the forums.
Reactions were mixed to this development, with some users expressing emotions ranging from apathy to indifference. Others voiced concern about children, decency, and lewd public conduct. "My little boy came home today saying something about going to another boy's house to perform football fantasies!" said one outraged and confused mother.
Regardless of the small amount of negative feedback, participants are eager to begin fantasizing about their favorite football players, such as David Beckham. Bradaphraser had this to say: "The Fantasy Football League is a chance for Uncyclopedians to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday Uncyclopedia work and actually have some fun for a change. While I usually am busy with the administrating task of sitting on my lazy ass and doing nothing, this gives users a chance to see me in a more relaxed state."
"I fully expect that this venture will be just as successful as my recent run for the Presidency," continued Brad, "which I lost to Bradford Lyttle of the Pacifist party by a mere 110 votes. I fully expect to win one or possibly even two games in this upcoming season, assuming of course that a draft is eventually held." Said draft is scheduled to begin immediately, and assuming only a small portion of footballers flee to Canada to evade this draft, the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League will be ready to hold its first game by opening day.
In a startling development, activity on Uncyclopedia's main gathering place, the Village Dump, has all but ceased. With The UnIdiot registering the sole comment in the last three full days, the normal flow of important, relevant conversation in the Forums appears to have dried up. While an excess of users can usually be found loitering aimlessly in the halls of the Dump, it appeared all but deserted as of press time.
Several theories have been raised, ranging from the intriguingly possible (July weather causes Uncyclopedians to go outside) to the exceedingly headache-inducing (Uncyclopedians are being abducted by giant space cabbages). However, one of the more interesting theories comes from our lead scientist and nature correspondant, DogNewspaper (unavailable for picture). He claims that while the Village Dump itself along with associated forums such as the Ministry of Love and the Help forum has seen a decline in activity, the so-called Benson's House of Pancakes has seen a shocking upswing in activity.
In the same time frame that only a single edit was made in the Village Dump, sixteen different topics were edited in Benson's Breakfast Domicile. DogNewspaper, that earlier mentioned nature correspondant, calls this a migration. "Woof," he claimed, elaborating that many users were unable to adapt to conditions found in the normal Village Dump, and were forced to relocate to the more hospitable Benson-related location. It is here, in the BHOP, that users are free to create topics concerning their own birthdays, the anniversaries of their birth, and memorials commemorating the day they were born. Whether the mass exodus is complete or not has yet to be seen.
03:45, 23 July 2009 Under user blocked Mi$ter Bigg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (insert Cosby catchphrase here. or not - I don't really give two fucks)
00:48, 20 July 2009 TheLedBalloon blocked 71.195.100.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (In the words of Abraham Lincoln, suck my presidential cock, bitch!)
06:30, 18 July 2009 Mordillo blocked Speroxenos (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (your hard on does not impress me)
Toilet Door Communication, or TDC, is considered by many to be the forerunner of the modern internet. This fascinating form of conversation is complete with its own exceedingly dense jargon and wide spectrum of users. Washing your hands after use is strongly recommended.
Quote of the Week
<Bonner> A while later we also completely wrapped the scooter in cling film
<Bonner> I still have the photos, he was really pissed about that one
<e|m|c> You mean saran wrap.
<e|m|c> Fucking English.
<Bonner> Cling flim
<e|m|c> Uhh. Saran wrap.
<Bonner> cling film
<Bonner> :)
<e|m|c> Cling film
<Bonner> Saran wrap
<e|m|c> Correct.
This Week in Uncyc, 1901
Uncyclopedia users celebrated their first of many week-long tributes to Oscar Wilde, unable to wait the originally planned year after his death. The entire main page was dedicated to Wilde-related issues, and the first instance of mass Wilde quoting ensued.
Reader Poll of the Week
The editors need your help; please weigh in here on the important, non-boring issue of UnSignpost formatting.
This edition is on time, and anyone who tells you differently is lying! THEDUDEBOTArmed and ReadySay The Word 02:53, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
A request for a PEE
Orian, correct me if I'm wrong but did you not write a series of articles as Joshy, an incredibly irritating small child with an annoying tendency to get featured? If you did I have just come across an article written in a similar style sitting in the PEE queue. I thought that since you write in this style more than me you might give more pertinent feedback. I asked that nobody reviews for a couple of days so you could do it, but that, admittedly, is not much of a guarantee. Just comment on the PEE page for the article if you are going to review, if you aren't, comment and I will magically appear and review it myself. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:04, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
You know I was just thinking about doing a review (can't find an idea suitable to use in an article so might aswell be useful in other ways), and seen as how you were so nice about me I can't really refuse now, can I? However it'll have to wait for now because I'm working on another piece of writing that i hope will one day make known among the sci-fi freeks community and slightly more well off than I am now. :) Orian57Talk19:12 26 July 2009
Oh good, means another I don't feel obliged to do. Pupt 22:19, 26/07/2009
Why you no get me pwesent yet? Onwy about a week til my birfday 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 23:26,29July,2009
what kind of presents would a for nd a haf yirz old kid want? What? Do you want barney the retarted dinosaur to sing at your birfday part? No, we cant afford that.. You'll have to do with the singalong CD Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool23:59July29'09
Stop bullying him! That's my job. me starts chanting "Cheddr is a poo head/ cheddar is a poo head" And I'm thinking about it, but I've bassically hit a wall when it comes to finding good ideas for anything. Hit a wall and fallen down a well of acid in the dark with no trunks on and headache. Orian57Talk00:35 30 July 2009
Strangely, the story I wrote for Mahm00shA was easier to write than any other article I did, and it's funnier than most of them. And I'm not a poo-head! Your face is a poo-head! WAHHHH!!! —The preceding unsigned comment was added byCheddarBBQ (talk • contribs)
Yeah. But you didn't sign so bassically I have to kill you know, in seven days. Orian57Talk01:10 30 July 2009
OMG! You're getting me The Ring on DVD! Awesome! 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 01:37,30July,2009
Now there's an idea. The Ring (nomminated the best gay porno of 2007!) Orian57Talk12:58 30 July 2009
I thought that was Brokeback Mountain. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:43,30July,2009
That was a shit movie. Orian57Talk15:50 30 July 2009
The Ring or Brokeback? I never saw Brokeback but I do like Jake Gyllenhaal. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 16:05,30July,2009
Brokeback mountain. It was terrible and awful and American. The ring was ok, as horror movies go. Orian57Talk16:10 30 July 2009
Tremble in the face of my feminine pheromones!
Just wanted to contaminate your talk page with girl cooties ^_^ --Dame 12:10, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
/Me gets my flamethrower/Orian57Talk12:12 30 July 2009
The only flammable things would be my clothing... Do you REALLY wanna go there Orian, I mean that could lead to serious questions about your sexuality. --Dame 12:18, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
/Me gets my Ice machine./Orian57Talk12:55 30 July 2009
I think the cold will "raise" the same issue. 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR 15:46,30July,2009
Cheddar is referring to the phenomenon whereby when you get girls cold in the frontal region, they get temporarily sexier. pillow talk 17:07, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
/me shakes head in disgust/ Freeks. Orian57Talk17:32 30 July 2009
I thought that men had nipples too! Pupt 21:30, 30/07/2009
Yeah, but men with hard nipples don't get sexier. Unless they got those nice, pancake nipples. Those can't be anything but sexy. (Also, Orian, could I get my flamethrower back please? I'm getting lonely without it. I'm trying to burn shit with my oil-lamp right now, and it's just not the same.) WoodyOnFire!Talking WoodyStalking Woody 21:33, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
Maybe we should do the democratic Uncyclopedia thing and have a vote as to who thinks that erect nipples on men are sexy. Pupt 21:37, 30/07/2009
Please don't describe that as a "fact." pillow talk 23:42, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
Also, "erect men's nipples" doesn't necessarily have the same meaning as "men's erect nipples." pillow talk 23:43, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
Stopit! All this talk of man nipples is defeating the purpose of my girl cooties contamination! I'm trying to de-Eric-ify myself here. :/ --Dame 23:47, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
Yeah, this thread has been derailed. This may call for emergency measures, like posting a picture of yourself in a very cold room. whistles innocently pillow talk 23:51, 30 July 2009 (UTC)
The best I can do is this pic of Modus. Judging by the state of a few things, it was a pretty cold day. WoodyOnFire!Talking WoodyStalking Woody 00:04, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
Careful! You could poke somebody's eye out with those things. Pupt 01:58, 31/07/2009
Against no nipples are sexy. Orian57Talk04:53 31 July 2009
Did somebody say no nipples? Sorry for the extra cooties.Pupt 05:01, 31/07/2009
okay, ignoring sexual prefs, I'd still say picture #2 is cuter than #1. She has a nicer smile. Pupt 05:09, 31/07/2009
No, she has horrible breast mutations. Orian57Talk05:56 31 July 2009
Are you referring to the mutations on her breasts or are you suggesting that her breasts are in point of fact mutations? --Dame 11:40, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
the first one. Although point #2 is just as valid. Orian57Talk11:52 31 July 2009
According to my old anthropology professor, breasts aren't mutations - they're an evolutionary process whereby the buttocks were relocated to the woman's chest so that men can see them when the woman is sitting down. pillow talk 15:19, 31 July 2009 (UTC)
Well I suppose it says something for the American education system that you didn't learn that in Biology. Orian57Talk15:36 31 July 2009
I honestly can't say that title brings many ideas to mind, care to expand on your concept? Orian57Talk10:15 2 August 2009
Sigh!
I never visit the forums or IRC, so I'll just dump it here cause this is where all the cool kids hang out. Due to the cessation of unemployment, I will not be as focused on my Uncyclopeadian duties as I was previously. (Actually having said that, please feel free to vandalise my talk page as much as you like while I'm gone. You know, turn the lights on and off and get the mail so people think that I'm home.) Pupt 09:51, 2/08/2009
Aww! that's such a sha-- /me gets over it/Orian57Talk10:13 2 August 2009
Oh my god I knew it! Nameable • mumble? 11:49, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
Hey! It's that Puppy on the Radio - he's back! Yay! I'm so happy now. (@Nameable: I'm so sorry for being so useless - but this weekend has been busy, my grandparents are up so I've not had much time. What my excuse was before now I'm not yet sure. I'll look into it when I can.) Orian57Talk11:53 4 August 2009
Don't worry. There is no need anymore. But I now feel eligible to be a bit of a whore. Meh. Nameable • mumble? 12:05, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
This week: an update. As previously reported in an earlier news story, one month ago several well-known contributors went on a campaign to try and delete time itself. It is said they were trying to bring about an end to unfunniness throughout history, with the slight side effect of non-existence. But just as it looked as if their plan would come to fruition, cooler heads prevailed and stopped everything in its tracks.
Since then, the plan has changed. Instead of deleting all that ever was, the users have decided it would be much more prudent to just change all of history to their liking. Several users have been seen spending their free time on User:Gwax/Timeline rebuild, in some cases changing events one year at a time, and in others trying to change entire millennia. How they are able to do this, no one is sure, though rumors of a DeLorean DMC-12 have been circulating.
The outcomes of the project have, thus far, been very good for us for everyone. There was one unfortunate incident when a user tried to give his parents millions of dollars before he was born, but the extra money forced them to separate before he was conceived. All of a sudden he didn't exist, but then if he didn't exist, how could he have gone back in time to change anything? It caused a huge rift in space/time, a bit of a bother really. But we're happy to report that everything has been sorted out with no casualtiesonly one casualty!
Remarks from the community on the process have been nothing but positive. "In order to walk the road of peace, we need to climb the mountain of conflict," notable scholar TKFexclusively commented. We have our entire staff working around the clock to figure out what this means as we speak. Town drunk Dexter111344 was also heard mumbling about the subject. He blamed wizards for the whole thing, before stumbling away, probably to make more links to A wizard did it. Regardless, whether its wizards or time machines, the editing of the past continues as we speak, and will continue until all of history has been changed. Or until we get bored and move onto something else.
Owing to the large amount of things happening in the last week, and also to the fact that this issue is unforgivably late, the editors of the UnSignpost were unable to settle on a single topic for the second story of this week's edition. The editors were also unable to agree on either two topics for a rare three-story issue or how many UnSignpost editors it takes to screw in a lightbulb (the UnSignpost staff has been left to ponder this question in the dark).
As a decision could not be reached, it was decided after much deliberation and petty arguing that all of the candidate stories be mentioned rapid-fire in a single story, so as to confuse and irritate the reader and cause him to be required to navigate back to this issue to click on all of the links. These stories are as follows: Zombiebaron returns and petitions to end voting. His effort is parodied, rebutted, and parodied again. A link to Requested Articles is placed on the sidebar and MadMax commences handing out badges to requested article creators. Zombiebaron returns again to demand reskins, which we understand means he needs to replace all of his undead flesh with "fresh flesh". Cajekreturns, but not really. VFH maxes out at 23 nominations at press time, including some discussion-inducing selections. More events certainly occured, but we can't be arsed to list everything for you.
14:47, 26 July 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours (I banned a guy for too long this one time. Then I had nachos.)
20:40, 29 July 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MadMax (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 Minute (Constantly littering recent changes with thousands of really useful edits.)
20:45, 29 July 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes (Not having enough tits.)
15:17, 30 July 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 122.173.57.31 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (blanking? why not just wear a t-shirt proudly declaiming "I have no life"? it has much the same effect, but you might get away with claiming it's ironic...)
Biopic of the Week
Touching down on the Uncyclopedia runway in December '08, Saberwolf116 has quickly become one of the all-time great Pee Reviewers. With 86 of them under his belt, Saber has recently ridden off into a yellow sunset to pursue some sort of education, or something along those lines that will detract from his Uncyclopedia-ing. Return soon, fair Saberwolf!
Old-School Featured Article of the Week
Bold Speech to text software bold is the most wide Lee used applicate shin by lacy people who can knot be bother to type. It's bark tech know lodge-y has vast Lee bark improve in Reese cent years. Bark bark it is not recommend Ed bark four use in bark off is spaces bark with noisy bark dogs.
Diabolical Plan to Overtake the Wiki of the Week
It seems that UnSignpost co-chief editor Under user has recently succeeded in the first stages of producing a sewer-dwelling offspring(pictured). Rumors of UU using the as-yet-unnamed biological sockpuppet for activities of questionable morality are unconfirmed. Congratulations, UU!
Reader Poll Results
Last week we asked loyal UnSignpost readers to weigh in on the immensely interesting issue of formatting. There was no clear consensus on the subject, as it seems Uncyclopedians employ the full range of screen resolutions, and as such it's a wonder anyone can read the UnSignpost at all. The most telling aspect of the poll was its response rate, indicating that a full eight people read the UnSignpost.
It's on time, you were just high and didn't realize when it got here! THEDUDEBOTArmed and ReadySay The Word 02:36, 4 August 2009 (UTC)
Hi again! (Methy/Orian Convo 2)
I've still been knee-deep in shit since I got that job, I don't think I'll be that active anymore, I'll probably be like VGDictator and stop by every few months. It's as if we're all reaching a crucial point in our lives where we all have things to do in real life. Weird... METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(03:48 08-4-2009)
Well the next time you raid a house for drug money you should consider picking one up. :) Orian57Talk23:36 4 August 2009
I don't raid houses. I go to their house, make friends, and then secretly steal some money. METHAMPHETAMINE!ZOMGHOLYSHIT(02:31 08-5-2009)
Oh that's far enough. Hey have you seen where my TV went, it just sorta vanished one day. Orian57Talk05:37 5 August 2009
Poke!
George, my love!
Hi.
How are ya?
Skype killed my account momentarily (has been for the last seventeen hours), and I've been pretty much unable to recover it right now.
If you're planning on being online at all today, email me (sillyelfcat@yahoo.com).
I'm sending goatse christmas cards this year.
Anyways.
Fish and tofu,
Um, ok. Will you vote on teh above stuff? Orian57Talk11:42 4 August 2009
Quick Question
On my "Pious Christians..." article on VFH, you wrote Abstain, but put your vote/comment in the Against section. Is it an Against vote, or an Abstain put in the wrong section? I don't want to correct whichever mistake it was, because I'm unsure. —UnführerGuildyRittervonGuildensternenstein 14:08, 5 August 2009 (UTC)
Oh god, sorry. I did mean against. sorry. I feel like such a horrible fuck up, now. :S Orian57Talk15:03 5 August 2009