These are the rules of which you will follow for the duration of your stay in this user page. Failure to comply to these rules will result in your immediate and excruciatingly painful death involving: piranhas, pointy sticks, sad people, soul devouring piranhas, and your intestines.
No Bullying: If you want to bully and/or sexually harass people, do it in real life, since only idiots will get affected by what you type online. This includes posting private information of your victims. If you want to the world to know that John Smith of 123 Maple Street Drive Parkway Avenue Blvd. Rd. is a gay fag, please hang him in public instead.
No Trolling: According to Dictionary.com, trolling is "to sing or utter in a full, rolling voice." Singing or uttering in a full, rolling voice is strictly prohibited, and if you break this rule, you will be forced to remove your vocal chords with scissors, and then reattach them with super glue whilst castrating yourself. Nice image.
UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with.
So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours!
Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly.
TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working!
So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?
06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars)
03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence)
16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....)
Biopic of the Week
Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be.
During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write.
It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too!
Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural UncyclopediaPee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked:
Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it?
Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles?
Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy?
If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before!
As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF.
That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again.
Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKFexclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation."
Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again.
06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You suck. Flaxmere too.)
04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!)
05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.)
18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) (Thank god I'm in Israel then!)
18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!)
17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers)
02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn)
Biopic of the Week
It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed someseriouslygoodfeaturedarticles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways?
Ok guys, my bad. I was gone for a long time there. I found some free time recently so I'm hoping to get Upsilon Sigma Sigma started up again along with my other project, UnReviews.
At any rate, We're going to keep Weird, the August collaboration open. We're also going to go ahead and open up a November collaboration. The article on the queue that has the most votes is "Blockbuster" so that's the one we're going to do. You can find the collaboration page here. I'm probably going to disappear again because of school in a few weeks, so hopefully we can build up enough momentum here to keep our collaborations going. If you haven't noticed our previous collaborations have been huge hits, all have been featured on the front page. Hopefully "Weird" and "Blockbuster" will too in their own due time.
Looking forward to seeing you guys around the frat!
P.S. we have a FBotM nomination this month, make sure you go vote!