User talk:Mr. turtle

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edit Welcome to our magnificent civilization!


Greetings, honored traveler Mr. turtle, and welcome to the glorious nation of Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions to the site. I hope you enjoy this great land and decide to make a home here. If not, the city exit is right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah, there you go. Anyway, here are a few helpful links for humble newcomers such as yourself:

If you read any of Uncyclopedia's sacred parchments, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with some sort of issue, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being a proud citizen of Uncyclopedia! Please remember to sign your name on all talk pages by typing four tildes (~~~~) or alternatively use the "sign" button (Button sig) that you see just above the edit box. This will automatically produce both your name and the date.

If you need any sort of help, then feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the Village Dump, or add the following template: {{help}} to this page along with a message describing your dilemma and someone will come along and help you if they can.

Again, welcome! --General Insineratehymn 01:18, 14 April 2007 (UTC)

edit Turtle

Listen, buddy, I think you're a great guy and everything, and I enjoy your work a lot, but your name is gonna have to go. You see, the name "Mr. Turtle" seems to imply that you: a) are a turtle, b) are a turtle expert, or c) enjoy the company of turtles. Now, this would be great, except for all three of these personality traits have already been registered at Uncyclopedia Headquarters to myself, and your name is now in direct violation of Uncyclopedia Code: Article 5, Section 1, Paragraph 16.

Normally in this situation, you would be given a period of 24 hours to contact an Uncyclopedia Bureaucrat, request a name change, and have all of your pages moved before the deadline. However, I've decided that your extreme interest in turtles, and witty name, merit you at least another 24 hours. So, just to be perfectly clear, please have your name changed to something having absolutely nothing to do with turtles, and have all your pages moved out of the Mr. turtle userspace within the next 48 hours.

And remember, failure to accomplish either of these tasks within the given period of time will result in an infinite ban from the site of Uncyclopedia.

Yours in turtle-hood truly, Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 03:11, 14 April 2007 (UTC)

Also try to keep in mind that doing anything tompkins says is also grounds for several infinite bans. Spang talk 03:17, 14 Apr 2007
Also try to keep in mind FU Spang. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 03:23, 14 April 2007 (UTC)

Dearest Mr. Turtle, everything I've said on this page has been a lie. There is no need to change you account or anything like that. I was just kidding. Sorry for any trouble I may have cause you. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 16:43, 14 April 2007 (UTC)

There can be but ONE Mister Turtle. I say you should fight it out in some ninja-style deathfest, involving nunchucks, and nunchucks with spikes on them. Its the only way. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
I thought this whole strange saga was just perfect for the Worst 100 Reflections on 2007. Icons-flag-au Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c 16:53, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
NEVAR!!! I want my turtle-flavoured deathfest and I want it now. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
We can have both. Then everyone is happy! Don't get me wrong, I want to see these guys fight to the death too. My money is on Mr. turtle. Icons-flag-au Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c 16:56, 14 April 2007 (UTC)
Yeah....everyone knows that Tompkins is a pussy. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
Mr. Turtle here doesn't. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 17:01, 14 April 2007 (UTC)

Did u know that turtles can't masturbate? -- Mister Turtle

You're just not trying hard enough. Stick with Mister Tompkins here, he'll show you how its done. Also, use plenty of pig fat. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

Turtle tank

Turtles are tank whores


whoops!!! Guess that leaves me as the only Mr. turtle

edit On a totally unrelated matter...

I'm going to have to remove the self-referencing link in the quote you've just added to Asian Chicks. It IS against one of our site policies. Honestly it is. No really. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me) Why wouldn't you?--Mr. turtle 21:45, 14 April 2007 (UTC)Mr. turtle

edit Welcome to UnNews

You'll notice I've ICU-tagged your UnNews article, UnNews:Turtle attacks man. That's because it's ugly and needs to look and read a little better. Read on as I welcome you to UnNews telepathically, take over your mind, and you might just ressurect it into an awesome article! Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:29, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

Che Ape

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Mr. turtle, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:29, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

i'll fix it.....maybe..........some other time--Mr. turtle 12:23, 15 April 2007 (UTC)

edit UnNews: Transfats found to be healthy

UnNews: Transfats found to be healthy is a vast improvement on your first couple of stories. The bad things? lost of spelling errors, no sources, no links. I'll give it a quick clean up so you can see the difference. Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 22:50, 17 April 2007 (UTC)

"lost of spelling errors" - I hope that was intentional. Tompkinssig Smallturtle t o m p k i n s  blah. ﺞوﻦ וףה ՃՄ ண்ஸ ފއހ วอฏม +տ trade websites 23:07, 17 April 2007 (UTC)

To Mr. Turtle, you're welcome. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:21, 18 April 2007 (UTC)

To Sir Thompkins, oh bloody Hell, why don't you just stick your nose into everybody's business... shit... sorry, I',m l;ate foe my medikatiosn... I'll be berrt,,, solluy,,;. Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:21, 18 April 2007 (UTC)
I just hate it when people stick their nose into conversations and point out other people's inadequacies. -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)
I just hate hypocrites. I also hate people who don't timestamp their signatures. Icons-flag-au Sir Cs1987 UOTM. t. c

Party in my pants --Mr. turtle 20:41, 24 April 2007 (UTC)

edit About Mr. turtle

VIsit Mr. turtle's page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

edit Long time

No back editing now? -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)


Maybes --Mr. turtle 16:40, 22 September 2007 (UTC)

Good to see you back again. We need more reptilian contributors on Uncyclopedia. For me it's turtles all the way down.... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

batman theme song stuck in my head for some reason. --Mr. turtle

edit Mr. turtle forgot password!!!!!

Speak to sannse to see if she can help you out... -- Sir Mhaille Icons-flag-gb (talk to me)

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