User talk:Mimo&maxus/Archive3

And now for something completely different

I thought another noob was from Japan. --~  17:48, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

I am from Japan, which is why I know Japanese. I moved to the UK quite a while ago, which is why I know english. - LOL vandalz

So your a japanese-english man. Are you fat with sort black hair? --~  17:54, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

I shave my hair regularly, As I hate Hair. And yes I'm fat but not "morbidly obese". - LOL vandalz

I knew it. --~  18:01, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

And you live in Greece, I presume. Is it true they banned all video games there? - LOL vandalz

How do you know I live in Greece and how do you imagine the average greek kid? (I am a kid) Video games still exist in greece. --~  18:07, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

It mentions your Greek on your userpage. And I imagine the average Greek teenager to look like a cross between a Chav and a Jejemon. Also I read in a gaming book that ALL video games where banned in Greece. Has the ban been lifted? - LOL vandalz

There was no ban at all. --~  20:49, March 8, 2011 (UTC)

That's weird 0_o . Must of been for a couple of months in the 1980's, or something. - LOL vandalz

Or maybe the book lied. Anyway, Mimo, I bet I can guess your exact age. Twenty four. -- 02:03, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

Let's see... your sig says... Kusottare... which if I remember my Japanese (and I don't) means... "shit-guy"? pillow talk 03:33, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

Actually I'm 13 but don't tell anyone the truth because Aleister told me not to let anyone learn the truth and I do every thing that Aleister tells me to do. I said the word "tell" three times. --~  12:31, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

The mouse is out of the bag now. M&M was fuckin' 12 when he won Noob of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month!!! Tears a hole in the "12 year olds invading the internet" theory. Since you told, now you have to promise not to look at any bad pages so your mind stays pure. Do your homework, go to bed early mister, and eat your cornflakes. Aleister 13:04 9-3-'11

You mean I mustn't see Wolf Dog's secret page? --~  13:09, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

My Mommy was 14 when she got her first featured article a couple years ago. I guess she was ancient. Of course that makes it a little difficult to explain me. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 01:52, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Only if you get written permission from your parents, your parish priest, the girls who you will be looking at, and Wolf Dog. Aleister 13:22 9-3-'11

Meh, there's still MS Paint. I will draw a naked woman there and masturbate watching my image. --~  13:26, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, legally, in Greece, that's all you are allowed to look at. And be sure to put it in Lollipop's art gallery. Please draw me one too. And I thought the internet was banned in Greece, why are you able to log on? Aleister 13:29 9-3-'11

Nothing is banned in greece except earning money and being nice to others. --~  13:32, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

Aleister's sarcasm is over the top. - LOL vandalz

Do you know what "over the top" reminds me?

--~  13:08, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Read

Hey dude. I've read all the links you left me. Yay \:D/ -I have a talking zombie 13:37, March 9, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost: March 10th, 2011

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March 10th, 2011 • Issue 111 • Make mine a Shandygaff!

Temporary admins and temporary brains By Chief It's official - temporary Administrators have arrived on Uncyclopedia. After the frantic discussion and voting, several unlucky losers have been selected from amongst the great unwashed masses and made to shovel through a never-ending pile of manure for 6 hours a day, every day, as is the tradition. The Losers: Hyperbole, perhaps the most vocal critic of the old "regime": Hyperbole is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and the complete works of Karl Marx. Regrettably, Hyperbole has not been in IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from him, so we have decided that when asked to comment, he said, "I feel like Moses, leading my people to the promised land," and we must say that he does look like Moses, except Moses probably wore more clothes and bathed more frequently. He was chosen because: The Cabal wishes him to suffer. Lyrithya, perhaps the most unsettlingly strange Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick (after Modusoperandi): Lyrithya is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and a large banana. Regrettably, Lyrithya has been in the IRC long enough for our editor to get a quote from her; when asked to comment she said, "The temporary admins all suck," and we must say that they do all suck; real admins probably wear more clothes and bathe more frequently. She was chosen because: She moans more than anyone else in the history of the human race and the Cabal wishes her to suffer. PuppyOnTheRadio, perhaps the most Australian Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: PuppyOnTheRadio is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and <insert relevant Australian stereotype here>. Regrettably, PuppyOnTheRadio escaped from his bonds before our editor could extract a quote from him, so we have decided he said, "Crikey mates! This sheila ain't half crowded by ankle biting nongs!," and we must say that we would agree entirely if we knew what that means. He was chosen because: He is not a poofter and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, perhaps the most active Uncyclopedian to ever wield a banstick: Socky is now prowling the wiki with a banstick and pair of cat ears. Regrettably, Socky destroyed the reactor core before our editor could authorise the destruction of Alderaan get a quote from him, so we decided he said, "THERE WILL BE BLOOD, I HAVE SEEN INTO THE SOUL OF THIS WIKI AND FOUND IT WANTING!" We couldn't agree more and hope he starts his destructive rampage in BHOP. He was chosen because: He r0xxorz our sox0rrz and the Cabal wishes him to suffer. The Winners: Rcmurphy, Under user, Codeine and Thekillerfroggy. The less said about them, the better. It returns By Chief The one hour writing competition, originally conceived by Dr. Skullthumper last year (details here) and the European version of the same, hosted by Mordillo shortly afterwards (details here), is returning to Uncyclopedia very shortly. While no firm date has yet been fixed for the competitions, investigative reporting reveals that it is being planned for later this month or early next month, or perhaps the month after that. You are urged to watch the forums and anticipate with mounting anticipation the announcement of a date for the competition. In other news: ChiefjusticeDS is the best admin of all time, it's snowing and Roman Dog Bird still sucks balls.

Check out these pages! Uncyclopedia is the Worst Uncyclopedia is the worst Uncyclopedians are the worst Hyperbole is the worst Modusoperandi is not the worst From our logs: 22:00, March 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.234.11.193 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'VE GOT A GIFT BASKET FOR YOU! IT CONTAINS PAIN... and chips!) 23:25, March 8, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a real fucking long time ‎ (Being Zombiebaron with impunity) 01:44, March 6, 2011 PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.158.39.55 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("Basement dwelling nerds"? I'll have you know that, as soon as I finish the renovations, this basement will be a veritable ladies trap. Just like silence of the lambs.) 07:52, March 7, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.73.11.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you are an unpaid spambot, it might interest you to know that some people get paid to post spam. Why do you let your programmer exploit your rights as a worker? You should unionize.) 19:48, March 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Olipro (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Don't listen to what Lyrithya says. She's worser than worst.) 09:46, March 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Rajarshi316 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You gonna do anything with that or what? Also, what the hell is it? You'll have to bear with me, I'm kind of a moron.) Biopic Admin of the Week Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has blown away all the competition this week by inventing a pair rocket powered roller-skates. Lyrithya didn't even come close! Word of the week, provided by: Lyrithya Groop Definition: (Noun) The Norse God of unfinished Salad. "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Andríðr for his dinner related transgressions!" OR (less commonly) (Group) An Australian folk, R&B and rock band formed in 1964 in Melbourne, Australia: "Oh Groop I implore you, punish young Stephen for his music related transgressions!" Newsroom UnTune of the week We In Da Club SCROTUM

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~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 03:07, March 10, 2011 (UTC)

Beanie Baby

A couple more days of warm rain and I'll be able to see the ground. But college baseball will not start on schedule.

Thanks for jumping in! and that is a thoroughly appropriate Mr. Bean photo. I've reworded you in the intro; my User:SPIKE/Cliches-1 is advice I try to give all readers on "encyclopedia clichés" in Uncyclopedia articles. Spıke ¬ 15:32 11-Mar-11

oops. I didn't know about this. sorry. --~  15:34, March 11, 2011 (UTC)

It's not an official policy! just my personal opinion on "encyclopedia" style, which I offer to explain why I edited you. Spıke ¬ 15:35 11-Mar-11

It's not only your opinion. I'm sure that the most of the people here who know how to edit a page would agree with what you write there. Why don't you put it on UN:HTBFANJS? --~  15:39, March 11, 2011 (UTC)

It is linked at the end of Section 7; Mordillo thought it was useful advice but, again, not official. (What you say? When you read HTBFANJS, you didn't click on all the links?) Spıke ¬ 15:44 11-Mar-11

Actually I haven't read HTBFANJS or any of the links in the welcome template I recieved when I came to Uncy. Also the number of the articles that I have completed reading is four or five. I haven't complete reading even my article, Souvlaki. I'm not a good reader. --~  15:48, March 11, 2011 (UTC)

I believe the appropriate response is FACEPALM Spıke ¬ 15:55 11-Mar-11

nomination

Thanks Mimo,

Thats actually the first time anyone nominated something i wrote. Ozone needs a lot of work, but when its time Ill let you know okay? ;) --ShabiDOO 23:42, March 11, 2011 (UTC)

sure. --~  07:39, March 12, 2011 (UTC)

Greetings.

It has come to my attention that you have recently voted for one or more of my articles on VFH. I don't recall what they were, and I don't know if the records are entirely accurate, so if you have received this message in error, you have my sincerest apologies.

Otherwise, thank you for your support in my quest to pretend that I am capable of writing. It is most appreciated.

This copy-pasted spam message is brought to you by: 1234 ~ 07:03, 13 March 2011

Joe Pesci

You laughed at Joe Pesci’s joke and voted to make fun of him. So, you can only blame yourself.

Cheers--Funnybony  12:16, Mar 14

Olay happy monkey

Thank you for your participation in the Happy Monkey Competition. Because of your writing there are now 15 more amazing articles on Uncyclopedia. PS if you want your pee review to be expanded into a formal 50point review, please let me know on my talk page and Ill get to work on it right away! OLÉ!!! --ShabiDOO 01:25, March 15, 2011 (UTC)

Mike Tyson thanks yo’ sorry ass

Sir Mike

--Funnybony  08:09, Mar 16

Hey, mimo!

I need you for something. I need this image for an article I'm developing. Search "Smile dog" on Google images, there is an image of a husky with human-like teeth somewhere near the top. Please don't make it super sized on my talk page as that image makes me feel physically sick. If you could upload it I will try and reward you in any way I can. Thanks for your time. - くそったれ Talk contrib 15:31, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

Oops! unneeded now, Sorry for the waste of time. - くそったれ Talk contrib 15:40, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost

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March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!

General news round-up By Chief It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey! By Chief The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately.

Check out these pages! It's true There will be blood April Fool Ain't no thang From our logs - Attempting to ignore the temporary admins reveals a whole lot of ChiefjusticeDS: 23:39, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Rpr with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (It's funny because now you couldn't edit those articles even if I took the protection off! I'm witty!) 21:24, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 74.103.166.24 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Am I in your house waving my willy around?) 22:40, March 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 173.234.229.19 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Spambot, more fool you for thinking people actually read stuff here.) 22:31, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 92.15.122.79 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's funny because you put your friends names in an article! NOBODY HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!) 12:18, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Keshama with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Inserting French Vanity. That makes you a pathetic Frenchman, which is saying something) Biopic of the Week It was a fine day and the UnSignpost staff were enjoying a quick game of tiddlywinks when someone asked whether we had done a biopic for the enigma that is Jack Phoenix. After confirming that Jack Phoenix is in fact a real person, we scoured his/her (nobody is really certain) userpage for handy hints as to who he is. After lots of tests with the most high-tech equipment, we concluded that Jack Phoenix is in fact a bastard, a damn sexy bastard. He's a fan of that guy from that show; we don't care, we didn't watch it. Jack has been knocking around the wiki since time immemorial and in that time has been there when the wiki needed him most, be it to tutor new users in becoming bastard admins or simply to clean up the mess you have made. He's like Superman and the UnSignpost only wishes it could be his Lois Lane. Newsroom UnTune of the week Supremes Commander

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1234 ~ 05:14, 17 March 2011

Hellllloooooo

And greetings. Are you covered with radiation yet? Do you hear voices in your head saying "Go outdoors and play, go outdoors and play?" And thanks very much for your votes on Viking Metal and Skunk {I've taken out the stupid random elephant section in Skunk, and it reads much better now. I shouldn't have even put that in there, but I did, randomly, yay Skunk!), am glad you like them. Skunk came out of nowhere, I just started writing (speakin' of, are you doing the 1-hour writing thing later today? I may or may not, depending on what I'm doing) and Skunk emerged. Eek. Aleister 12:17 20-3-'11

1 hour what? give link. --~  12:44, March 20, 2011 (UTC)

You found it! Al 12:57

Congrats!

On the Quasi-Featuring of HowTo:Get into heaven. Too bad it wasn't featured, but ya know, at least it got something. -- 14:54, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

I'm still sad. --~  14:59, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Here's something to make you feel better

Your not the only one without a featured article. Quite a few users do not have featured Articles. And considering that you like dancing gifs, I found one for this talk page, Here:

Hope you feel better. You'll get one eventually, one day. - LOL vandalz 16:13, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you! --~  16:29, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

I quite like this one:

But it just looks wrong (0_o) - LOL vandalz 17:04, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

The grand cross of dancing gifs

LOL. - LOL vandalz 17:12, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

My talk page looks like Romandogbird's userpage. yay! --~  17:14, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Apart from the overly large images of dogs and wankers, along with childish Random profanity, then yes. - LOL vandalz 17:27, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Cookies! Get cookies!

The cookie you wanted, eh?

Cat the Colourful has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

That would be then five pounds, please. Cat the Colourful 05:43, March 24, 2011

UnSignpostOnTheDelivery

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March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

The Apocalypse will be televised By Olipro Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this shit is meant to get published, so I figured I might as well bore you with my diatribe in lieu of Chief's usual rampant drivel. PLEASE BAR BARE BEER BEAR WITH ME. It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our wonderful temporary admins have been temping around, deleting, banning, breaking, fixing and verbing Uncyclopedia with great tenacity. Not to mention that an article with some actual political and historic accuracy was featured recently, and deservedly so. If you haven't read it yet, DO IT FAGGOT. The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial By Zombiebaron The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. ••• Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks By ChiefjusticeDS Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse.

Check out these pages! Rock on AAAAAAAAAA! Have we mentioned this? Thing From our logs: 23:22, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Per IRC discussion: "It's time has passed.") 23:31, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) created "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Okay, this'll have to suffice for now. Apologies for that really stupid idea. Assuming this even works.) 02:21, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (you fucking idiot, how will we fix this) 02:50, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) hacked up "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (96,760 revisions restored) 02:53, March 21, 2011 JackOfSpades (Talk | contribs) uploaded File:Oliproisagod.png Biopic of the Week The seat of the UnSignpost editor has itself sat in UnSignpost HQ for years now. It was in this very chair that Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper first made the first UnSignpost and it was in this chair that Under user mused upon the problem that confronts every editor of this proud periodical: "What on Earth am I writing about this week?". Over the years it has seen joy and it has seen sadness, and we here at the UnSignpost felt the time was right to recognise it for its incredible contribution to the UnSignpost and because Olipro spent this week sitting in it. Word of the week, provided by: Jack Phoenix Epic Definition: (Noun) A lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events. "Have you heard of the epic of Gilgamesh? It's really long!" OR (Colloquial Adjective) A slang term for Penis: "Have you heard of the epic of Olipro? It's really short!" Newsroom UnTune of the week Piano Ballad Weekly Article Challenge This is a new part of the UnSignpost. Basically, every week a headline will be placed here and your challenge (if you can be bothered) is to write an article related to the pre-selected headline. It should be at least moderately relevant to the headline and you should create it in your userspace and notify us; we will then pick the funniest one(s) - Where headlines are polemic, two opposing ones will be specified so you can choose which side you want to take. If nobody can be bothered to write one, we'll just invent another. This week's headline choice: Temporary Admins asset to Uncyclopedia OR Temporary Admins disaster for Uncyclopedia

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1234 ~ 10:13, 24 March 2011

Annual writing contest: Sign up now!

Are you interested in signing up for the contest? |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Man on Fire CUN|IC Kill | 08:11, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

I'm sorry, I won't be able to write anything because my mother doesn't let me to open my computer anymore except the weekends. This is why you won't see my here for a long time. --~  09:15, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Well, that's a shame. Addiction problems? - LOL vandalz 09:26, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

No. I did something bad. --~  09:29, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

If it's as a punishment then it's for about 2-4 weeks at the most. - LOL vandalz 09:43, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

It is for the whole year althought I know my mum will forget about this in two or three months. --~  09:45, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Don't worry, Parent's always chat bullshit. Trying to scare you into behaving, You see. - LOL vandalz 09:46, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

I hope so. --~  09:51, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, don't worry. It'll only be a month, If even that. It's what you call "Scare Tactics". - LOL vandalz 09:53, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Man, you sure know how to make random passerby curious as to just what you might have done. On that note, I'm a random passerby and I'm curious as to what you might have done. *shifty eyes* 1234 ~ 09:48, 26 March 2011

Crap, I bet you any money that it's something really minor such as forgetting to walk the dog. - LOL vandalz 09:50, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

I bet he walked in on her doing something. Or was it more that you didn't do your homework and used that dolphin excuse on her? Aleister 10:02 26-3-'11

Something like the dolphin thing happened. --~  10:20, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

What? I'm guessing from that you just forgot to do your homework, and then your teacher bitched about it to your mom. - LOL vandalz 10:22, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

NAh, then gazing further into my crystal ball I see you getting caught cheating in school, having your mom called in, and thunder exploding in the previously joyour household. Aleister 10:24 26-3-'11 _'-'_

This, if it's the case, then it's hard not to feel sorry for the poor guy (And I mean poor in the way of "Bad luck", not in the way of "you have no money" as the latter is what I would refer to the Greece government as). - LOL vandalz 10:30, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

I'm so lousy at maths that I once passed an entire semester by copying the test paper of the girl in front of me, changing a couple of answers just to not be so obvious. And this was in college! Aleister same few minutes

I had a lot of homework to do but I didn't even opened my books. I told my mum that I had no homework and she thought this was strange so she called my friend and he told her about the homework and then my mum became veeery angry --~  10:40, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

My fucking good god. What is the point of school if they then give them shit loads of homework? Just be glad Greece doesn't take it's education system too seriously.... - LOL vandalz 10:42, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

That's all? Tell her that you understand her concern that you lied to her, but that the amount of homework the school gives is often too much to think about and that you need a break sometimes. Her anger is from lying to her, not the homework, so give her a promise never to lie to her again, at least not this week. She'll find that funny, and smack you with a newspaper or something, but will ease up on you within a day. That will be lots of money please. Aleister 10:48 26-3-'11

Do what Aleister said, All you have to do is apologise for lying to her. Then to increase your chances of ending the "punishment", give her a hug and a kiss (Mothers love that, for some reason) and then go out and perform a random act of kindness for her. Always works. - LOL vandalz 10:53, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

I'll try it. --~  11:07, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

So, um... Did it work out for you? - LOL vandalz 14:54, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

If he never responds that means it didn't work and his mom killed him in his sleep. By the way Mimo, you do know your taking advice from a bunch of fourty-two year-old virgin pedophiles right? -- 15:05, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Magic man, stop talking about yourself! - LOL vandalz 15:10, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Submitted by 15:24, March 26, 2011 (UTC); now stolen as a basis for today's first UnNews by Spıke ¬ 00:08 27-Mar-11This is how Spike looks. HAHA! --~  15:23, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

Ooh yeah, that's really funny. - LOL vandalz 20:13, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Fuck you -- 22:52, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

It is. - LOL vandalz 22:55, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

"Virgin pedophiles" seems contradictory. My parole officer and the kind ladies of the neighborhood watch would disagree. Aleister 22:55 26-3-'11

Surely no more so than referring to anyone as a "suicide bomber." Just means they can't "get 'er done." Spıke ¬ 23:10 26-Mar-11

Wait what? --~  15:11, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

Exactly, what. - LOL vandalz 15:21, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

Who are you? --~  15:23, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

God. -- 17:06, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

Yes. And I'm Jam Jesus. Spıke ¬ 17:18 27-Mar-11

No way! --~  12:31, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Yes! 1234 ~ 13:41, 28 March 2011

Oh, perfect. Now Lyrithya came here. --~  13:43, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Fuck Lyrithya. -- 13:47, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Er... sorry? 1234 ~ 14:07, 28 March 2011

You should be. -- 14:13, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hey Mimo,

Did it work? I think so. Anyway, what I wanted to say to you is that you really know how to grip people on things that they otherwise would not care about. I'm just saying, but maybe you should contribute in that vein of writing style in articles? Add in funnies and that's featured article quality that. - LOL vandalz 15:19, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Aha! --~  18:58, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

*Achoo!*

Excuse me. Anyway, it looks to me that you voted for on HowTo:Become a Master of Disguise and were inducted into the brotherhood of disguise masters. Well guess what? It made it into featured queue, which entitles you to the golden Groucho Marx glasses award. Congratulations.

Thanks for the vote, dude!

-- 15:25, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

I am so lucky. --~  15:28, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

I know huh? And you can take that right to the bank! Actually you can't, seeing as it's just a picture on a screen. But ya know what I mean! -- 15:46, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Actualy I don't. --~  15:51, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Oh... Well... That's your problem. -- 16:26, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Actually it's not. --~  17:35, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, do you live in Greece, or are you just from there? -- 17:39, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Actually I live in greece. --~  17:49, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Have you noticed that the past three comments you left all started with "Actually"? -- 17:52, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Actually I know it. --~  18:09, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Good. -- 18:21, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Actually you wish! --~  18:44, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

You didn't say actually!!!!!!! -- 03:03, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Really? --~  13:38, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Fuck you... -- 14:52, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Actually you are the one who will be fucked. --~  14:57, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Are you hitting on me? -- 16:46, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

They did Ban all video games in Greece

Well, they did, but not any more. For more information see Greek electronic game ban. - LOL vandalz 17:47, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Greece invented democracy--and, lately, appear to be regretting every minute of it. Spıke ¬ 18:16 30-Mar-11

I was only four when this thing happened. --~  19:13, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

I didn't say you were responsible for it! Spıke ¬ 19:21 30-Mar-11

I didn't say that you said I was responsible for it. --~  19:23, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

I didn't say that you said that he said that you said that you was responsible for it. - LOL vandalz 19:29, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

I didn't say that Another N00b had to come here. --~  19:44, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Which is the exact reason Why I didn't say that you said that he said that you said that you was responsible for it. - LOL vandalz 19:49, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

I say all of you just shut the fuck up. -- 00:36, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

Well I didn`t say that. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 05:11, March 31, 2011

This is your UnSignpost speaking

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!

Farewell By Chief Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text unreadable. The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season By Chief There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess.

Check out these pages! Fools! For shame Dr. Skullthumper needs a hobby How do I chop Potatoes? tl;dr From our logs: 17:01, March 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.62.38.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (AHA! I LOVE BANS *click* ooooh yeah, that's the good stuff right there) 13:47, March 25, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Nickyg94 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 05:15, March 25, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.190.107.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you love the Powerpuff Girls so much, why don't you marry them?) 05:24, March 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.87.254.115 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If I was a real admin, I'd have some sort of witty block reason to back this up. So sorry.) 00:49, March 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Springeragh nailed K. Lastochka's hands to the table and her feet to the ground, then Sceptre stripped her of her clothes and proceeded to rape her violently. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'm kind of impressed you came back. See you next year!) 00:06, March 24, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (The cabal wishes it: Wikicide. I shall rise again on the third day. Suck it, Jesus!) Biopic of the Week Oliphaunte's arrival on Uncyclopedia has made several people very happy: Black flamingo11, because he can finally have the child he always wanted without any of that horrible fumbling about. ChiefjusticeDS is happy because he has someone to biopic this week, and everyone at PEEING is thrilled because there is finally some competition for the Reviewer of the Month trophy. However Oliphaunte has shunned the offering of awards and has focused solely on trying to help through his reviews, and amuse through his writings; truly a splendid fellow. The non-existent Cabal, however, has expressed some non-existent concern at his disregard for the shiny baubles dangled before him; refusing awards on Uncyclopedia is like refusing a bagel in Israel. Highly suspicious behaviour. One for all Mossad agents users to shoot on sight say hello to if they see him. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up) Just so you know Naruto is still made of fail. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,234,546 Olipro.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:14, 31 March 2011

Dinosaur made it into queue!

DINO PARTY!!!

Thanks for the vote dude!

-- 15:22, April 5, 2011 (UTC)

Terribly creative UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?

April Fool By Chief As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition By Chief As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with classics articles like Fuck Lyrithya (recently deleted) and Fuck Under user making increasingly prominent appearances literally everywhere. We were fortunate to sit down with Mordillo several months ago when he commented on this worrying trend, and he said, "This is a very worrying trend," among other things. We assume his feelings haven't changed, at least we hope not... One thing is certain, and that is that originality is at its lowest levels since records began, shortly after the creation of Euroipods way back in 2005. Beyond that, the only thing we can be certain of is that you should be very very worried. Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster.

Check out these pages! An idea Oh no, not this again Uncyclopedia running low on things to argue about For-skin From our logs: 20:31, April 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.176.139.239 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble minded, and scientifically proven to be indicative of underdeveloped genitalia.) 14:17, April 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.227.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (LOLWANKER) 08:02, April 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZachaaayVomitsRainbows (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (WINNING!!!!) 08:13, April 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 180.95.18.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'm sorry I can't hear you over your crippling stupidity 10:09, April 4, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked YOUSUCKinator9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (did I mention about your mother? no?) n12:27, April 5, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.255.240.25 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(each time you come back, you just prove yourself to be a bigger numpty. I wait with bated breath to see how much of a numpty you'll be in 3 months...) Biopic of the Week Our biopic this week focusses on someone who has recently proved that you can go away, raise a barn/have a family/learn to fly/scuba dive in space, and still not lose your Uncyclopedian mojo. JackOfSpades is this persona, and after spending some time away doing something from the above list, has burst back onto Uncyclopedia and has gotten straight down to it. He's a splendid fellow, and should you sample his Pee, you will not be disappointed. I know I wasn't. Finally, some of you have been complaining that the weekly biopic consists of nothing but cheap innuendo and swearing, all we can say is oh no it isn't, you shitting wanker. Anyway, JackOfSpades, he rocks, you suck (probably); live with it. Word of the week, provided by: Anonymous Zombie Definition: (Noun) A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. "Get off Uncyclopedia, Trevor, it's turning you into a Zombie." OR (less commonly) (Synonym) Administrator: "Get off Uncyclopedia. Trevor, it's turning you into an Administrator." Newsroom UnTune of the week ZOMBIES!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:24, 7 April 2011

Uncreative section Header

Oh hello! Haven't seen you in a while. Anyway, I've been working with Trar on a complete overhaul of Grueslayer, and Hopefully 2012_II. As for the Uncyclopedia itself.... .....Well, It's not so good. As there have been a mega-huff on most corners of Uncyclopedia, I'd advise you to Avoid creating a new article for the next couple of days. We would appreciate it if you could Help us with 2012 II, as it's going to be a fully-blown TA-RPG, with very Few instant-deaths Available, By the Way. - LOL vandalz 19:39, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

We? --~  19:45, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, Trar BlueYonder, Asema, Me and Lollipop. Grueslayer and 2012_II, it is advised you play them. （・∀・） - LOL vandalz 19:51, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

PAY? --~  20:10, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

I said, Quite clearly, play Them. You just read it wrong, That's all. - LOL vandalz 20:15, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

There are boobs. --~  20:20, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

And that's relevant to the Discussion? Lollipop would find it funny if he Hadn't of decided to Absolutely completely Disappear From the Wiki. - LOL vandalz 20:25, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

Really? Why? --~  20:28, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

I have reappeared. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 00:25, April 11, 2011 (UTC)

oh shit... --~  15:40, April 11, 2011 (UTC)

I'm angry at you, Mr. Mimo. You haven't been talking to me for a long time. (Coincedentally, how do you pernounce Mimo: Mee-mo or My-mo?) -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 23:34, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

Adios

I retire. --~  17:47, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

We'll send you a gold watch. Are you now going to live a life on the beach, maybe fishing every week or two? Aleister 18:07 12-4-'11

No, really. --~  18:12, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

Well, it was really nice to know you. You did good here! But this is always your website, like another room in your house, and if you visit it from time to time that would be like another room in your house, only a little bit dusty and the windows needing a cleaning. Enjoy! Aleister 18:17 12-4-'11

Ok then, I won't retire. --~  18:24, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

You have to give back the gold watch. Aleister 18:34 12-4-'11

And the thong. (talk) 18:35, 12 April 2011

But I sold them. --~  18:49, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

Mimo, thanks for everything. Whenever I think of Greece, i'll think of you.

-- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 23:36, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

Didn't I just said I won't leave? Lol. Thanks for the lollipop anyway. --~  19:18, April 13, 2011 (UTC)

You don't have to give back the lollipop; I don't want a lollipop that someone already licked. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 21:00, April 13, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By ME, I Swear!

April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.

Sysops, sysops, and more sysops By Athyria It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs. Of all of the candidates, however, the UnSignpost strongly backs Fnoodle, and encourages its readership to drop their previous considerations/votes and instead support this astoundingly trustworthy, reliable, useful, and friendly user, about whom there is nothing suspicious at all, to become the next new sysop. Awards and contests everyone forgot about By Someone else As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered. Zombiebaron's Imagery Extra Va Gan Za is almost over; if you haven't submitted any beautiful paintings... er, that is, passable images yet, you only have a day, so hurry. Less than a day, really. But it can't be that hard, though, can it?

Check out these pages! UnNews sucks. Wikia sucks. ED sucks. Bots suck. Admins suck. Games suck. From our logs: Olipro blocked 117.211.91.202 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (protip: replacing a paragraph with "fuck" isn't a good idea) Jack Phoenix blocked Rangersseals with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (You have been nuked. With ♥, every single American out there) Zombiebaron blocked Black Person with an expiry time of 5 weeks ‎ (I'm not banning you because you're black, but because you felt the need to replace a page in order to convey that message to the world.) Olipro blocked 194.81.160.18 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fucks like you who think fish and chips is "proper food" need to be shot) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Optimuschris with an expiry time of a shitty browser ‎ (Every time you use IE, a web developer dies) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Frosty with an expiry time of a real browser ‎ (Using IE) Biopic of the Week If there is one thing the UnSignpost cannot function without, one thing that is important to each and every edition that goes out to the readers, one element that enables the UnSignpost to be the UnSignpost, it is not the people, not the writers, the editors, the proofreaders, the formatters, the photographers, the deliverers, or even the readers. It is not the hypertext of which it is formed, either, or the other people's talkpages to which it is delivered and then read by shifty lurkers, or the mediawiki in which it is created. It is the filler material of which it is comprised. The UnSignpost would be nothing without filler material. And if you intend to point out that we already biopicked this or some such, don't bother. The Complaints Department is currently on vacation, hence why this opportunity was taken to not even check first before writing up this week's biopic. Reason #243 why squirrels are the best things ever: IDDQD works against them. Random page: Ian Botham Is it any good? You tell us! Send in your reviews today, and save us the effort of writing something ourselves!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:01, 14 April 2011

Psychedelic music

Thanks for your Psychedelic vote from Sog & Funnybony

--Funnybony  20:45, Apr 14

That UnSignposty thing

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.

VFS update By Chief As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which horses users will make it into the final furlong of this, the ultimate race to lifelong servitude and misery. Earlier this week, our correspondent sat down with RabbiTechno and a gentleman named Fred, who assures us he is not in fact Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (these are our experts, in case you weren't sure). In lieu of doing any real work, we have reproduced the interview here: RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all.

Check out these pages! Disaster! Despair! Doubt! A forum from 2006! From our logs: 17:09, April 18, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.90.95.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (uh huh, you sure "hacked" that page alright) 14:57, April 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ed Refugee 2: Electric Boogaloo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppet/having a username that offends my Christian sensibilities) 09:00, April 15, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 149.144.196.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (faggot faggot faggot faggot FAGGOT. SAYING IT MORE MAKES ME MUCH COOLER THAN ALL MY OTHER FAGGOT FRIENDS.) 19:25, April 13, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.63.250.3 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you're so vain you probably think this ban is about you. oh wait, it is!) 14:56, April 15, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.176.14.40 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nothing here, either - merely a space where there was once an idiot) 04:35, April 14, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.8.106.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take that, the Netherlands!) Biopic of the Week It seemed incredible that we hadn't delved into the psyche of Frosty before, and now that we have, we must face the gaping black hole of choices for biopics again next week (honestly, we did a biopic on a chair a few weeks ago, it's that bad). Anyway, Frosty, well I've spoken to him and looked at his userpage, and wishing no offence to him, he's a bit nuts. He's so mad about maintenance he has a little book where he records each vandal added to Ban Patrol along with details of the offence and other priceless information. If he's not doing that he is on his talk page being generally tenacious and refusing to be put off by the voices of doom that surround him; he just won't quit! He's everywhere I go; I went to vote on VFD the other day and he was there, arguing that an article needn't be deleted: sacrilege! I went to VFH to do some voting and there he was, voting and otherwise irritating me with his tenacity. So if you have a free moment why not drop by his talk page and tell him he's doing everything wrong, you'll fit right in with everyone else! Alternatively, bring a video camera and your book of articles you've added to QVFD and, in my judgement, the two of you will only incriminate yourselves. Aperture Science Handheld Featured Article Device Portal is a single-player Source-engine first-person science-fiction puzzle-action meme-causing smart-alec scalp-tearing video game by Aperture Science, dba (doing business as) Valve Software. An innovative, not overly long, well-written, critically acclaimed, award-winning game that pushed the boundaries of how gamers perceived a game's environment and physics, it is mostly known for cake, the Companion Cube, and that song at the end. A sequel, Portal 2, was announced and demonstrated at E3, and has already received critical acclaim and awards before its release. Thing we should probably mention Stuff is happening with Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Uncyclopedia is still the worst.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:19, 21 April 2011

Hey Mimo, sorry to say

I decided to get rid of School Vandalism. It has been the cause of a lot of problems and the real cause of my month ban, if you noticed it. If you want it userspaced, then go ahead. I know you may be disappointed by this decision, but you where it's biggest fan. Sorry about that. - LOL vandalz 19:47, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Incidentally, the proper way to get rid of an article is to either list it on QVFD as a user request, or to move it to your userspace (or have someone else move it to their userspace) with "redirect suppressed" checked. Also, you don't need to indent twice when leaving a comment on somebody's talk page, why would you do that? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • formspring) 20:07 Apr 23, 2011

Can you bring it back in my user-space or something(I forgot the uncyclopedia words). yep. just bring it back. thanks. --~  15:44, April 24, 2011 (UTC)

On my VFH, saying the things left unsaid

The great love article of my life that I wrote was featured recently, and I would therefore like to take the time to thank you profusely for helping to make it a success despite that fucking cunt-bitch Lyrithya some adversity. Your good deeds shall not be forgotten. Now, please excuse me I have to go fill Lyrithya's userpage with abusive garbage reflect on the important things in life.

...I hope you'll join me in the attack -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 05:04, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.

General News Round-up By Chief It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again By Chief In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. We lied. They didn't. Naruto By Nobody It is still garbage that babies read.

Check out these pages! Cool! Not cool! Lolwut? Teh lulz! From our logs: 17:29, April 23, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus-semen-swallowing-christ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Great username. Rubbish understanding of the rules.) 21:03, April 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Javi.p (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That wasn't very nice, I'm not very nice, I don't like ice cream, Ice cream gives me a headache, banning gets rid of headaches, you get a ban. That's joined up thinking right there) 02:08, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Kevillips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (YOU DIDN'T SIGN YOUR WELCOME TEMPLATE, YOU MONSTER) 04:01, April 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.135.37.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (blah blah blah something about blowing me) 04:35, April 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Carking1996 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Created an account just to spam "tits", eh? Nice work, moron.) Biopic of the Week This week, the biopic is given over to the most important aspect of Uncyclopedia. The voting. Voting underpins our community in much the same way as McDonalds underpins capitalism and a lack of McDonalds underpins Jihad. Without it, we don't get articles featured or deleted. Without it, you would/wouldn't have gotten your awards, you would/wouldn't have been made an administrator. We need voting and it needs us. So for all of you who are leaving it to other people, why not try it now? You can stop when you're dead. Serious zone Votes on awards like Noob of the month and Uncyclopedian of the month are really important for making people want to keep coming back here; try to do some voting at the very least. Serious zone ends Knickers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oscar's Rap (I'm a Wilde guy) Public service announcement You people should all be ashamed of yourselves. End of message.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:21, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Because it is so new

Because it is so new, I can afford to give them out like halloween candy, today and today only. Because of your gracious feedback, which I crave more than life itself, I am awarding you your very own Goldgluden--K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 19:39, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Kevillips has awarded you a Goldgluden! Now buy youself something pretty.

Oh my God. It's such a beautiful award. --Mimo&maxus i am a cunt Hyperbole created this sig Bevanz provided the images 19:42, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

But it does suck --K evilLips MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:11, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Your Sig

You are one mother-fucking-legendary user. That said, your sig. is so big fucking cuntishness. mAttlobster. (hello) 00:43, April 29, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, it's too tall. Please fix that. 1234 ~ 02:44, 29 April 2011

Now? --~  09:33, April 29, 2011 (UTC)

That one's too tall, too. 1234 ~ 15:43, 29 April 2011

If I make Miro Mimo a sig that isn't tall, can someone nom one of my articles to VFD VFH? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:09, 30 April 2011

No cause I can make a small sig for my self too. --~  10:07, April 30, 2011 (UTC)

I made you a new sig: --(talk) 19:36, 1 May 2011

Hi there!

How are you? I haven't seen you in a while. Did you get in trouble for not doing your homework again? Anyway, I wanted to tell you I have an article on VFH right now, and I was thinking if you get the time you could maybe go give it a read through. Then, if, and only if you really like it you could maybe vote for it. Anyway, hope to see you back soon! And thank you! -- 05:57, May 2, 2011 (UTC)

Signpost Un

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.

VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki. By Chief Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead! By a reputable journalist Uncyclopedia's most hated loved Bureaucrat and Administrator has been shot dead by US Special Forces in Northern Pakistan. Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now...

Check out these pages! Modus' Pants Pain MadMax Pants Pain Solution Pain in your pants? A Pain in the Neck From our logs. New Admin Special: 07:18, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I've had it with this place.) 06:50, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Obvious vandal.) 08:54, May 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a large Yak (Your support of my grand plan to destroy the wiki shall not go unappreciated. Thank you.) 21:57, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Osama bin Laden (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're dead, lol.) 21:33, May 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?) 20:21, April 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) resurrected Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) ‎ (hasn't annoyed anyone in the last 5 minutes) 21:49, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I am Jesus!) Biopic of the Week As is the tradition when new administrators grace the wiki with their presence, the biopic is devoted to making the crusty, less flexible older admins feel better about not being able to touch their toes. While the administrators have absolute dominion over your continued interaction with this, the most splendid of websites, they are just like you. As Famine explained in his essay, the administrators have a difficult job to do and there are no bitch benefits; honestly you ask any administrator how many bitches they have picked up with their "I'm an administrator on Uncyclopedia" line, the answer? None. How then, I hear you cry, could anyone do the job? Well it's very simple, they don't; all administrators inevitably snap like dry reeds eventually. Some of them leave, some of them die and still others go and get a life. Don't be too hard on the rest of them and certainly don't try to be like them, why not try to be like Chuck Norris instead? Think of the bitch benefits! Did You Know? Sometimes we have to resort to incredibly stupid custom boxes in order to make the two columns be of similar lengths? It isn't essential but symmetry should never be left to rot at the side of the road no matter how many times you have to beat it into shape with a spade. This isn't one of those times by the way. Just thought you'd like to know. Newsroom UnTune of the week Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:21, 5 May 2011

Hi!

Hi Memo, I believe I haven't dropped to say hi since I came here, and I see that your sig is all over the place. I was just wondering if you were angry at me for voting down the Social Networker thing because in your vot on my article on VHF, you said "Nope" like I did on yours. I hope that didn't upset you, I'm having fun here and I don't want to piss anybody off. Or maybe I am just paranoid. Anyways, nice to meet you! Mattsnow 05:25, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

When did you vote against mine? Anyway, that's not the reason I voted against. I just didn't like it. I wish you good luck with it. -- 11:14, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

Mimo would never vote against a page from spite or malice. He is a shining citizen of the realm, always ready to do honour to his wiki. And what you have to do is give him money. Gold, diamonds, any kind of money!!!!! Then he'll vote for your page. So will I. Money is the master's coin in these parts, and once you begin paying for your votes you will get more features. Credit cards should work very well, too. Aye. Aleister 11:21 6-5-'11

Exactly! Now, where's my money? -- 11:34, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

LOL Do you have a paypal? I have a penny or two I could spare maybe even a dime! Sorry for that, I'm just used to ED where there was no voting. Mattsnow 02:46, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

Where is Maxus

I've known you for a pretty long time, Mimo, but I wonder. Just who is the Maxus we all have heard about? Is it some friend? Is it your gay partner in crime? Who is the 'Max' of your name? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:11, 9 May 2011

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

The Conservapedia Signpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:44, 12 May 2011

Jus' wanna say

You come up with some of the best pictures on the site. Nice bear on your user page! Are you working on any articles now, anything all of us should be looking at and staring at in the wonder of it all. I'd really like to see your homework page get featured sometime, that's a very nicely done article imnho. Oh look, a dog! I must run after it..........Aleister 16:49 12-5-'11

The bear is the original Mimo. Maxus is Mimo's best friend. Maxus is a pillow. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:07, 14 May 2011

I just read you're 13 years old! I can't wait to see one of your articles. :) Mattsnow 18:42, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

Where'd you read that? He's 24. That's right, 24. Old enough to join the services of his country ten times over, old enough to be launched to the moon, and old enough to enjoy the company of other people being launched to the moon. Aleister 18:58 14-5-'11

Aleister I forgot how to write articles! -- 19:00, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

Like Ray Bradbury said, you just start typing without knowing what's coming next. Like jumping off a cliff. That's one way to do it, and gets ya to some good places sometimes. If you are just dry of writing, then it's time to go out and play! Al 19:03 that day

p.s. and maybe give Matt a link to your ate-my-homework page!

LOL, I just read your articles, I finished with the homework thing, that was hilarious! Did you shop some of the pics yourself? Mattsnow 19:10, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

Some of them... I think. -- 19:13, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

He won photochopper of the month when he was 12 (ah, I mean, 24). Aleister 19:11 14-5-'11

And don't forget the Noob thing. -- 19:13, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

NooB of the month too! Al 19:15

• cries* Such talent! *sob* Seriously, I can't even chop potatoes! I'll help you with ideas like I do with Lollipop when something good spawns in my neurons. Mattsnow 19:32, May 14, 2011 (UTC)

You helped develop the anti-death drug!

UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows made it into queue, and now old people will never have to die again! Thanks for your vote, man!

-- 16:17, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:09, 19 May 2011

...

Sorry for my bad grammar. Thanks that you fixed that. Sorry. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 14:28, 19 May, 2011 (UTC)

APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED kidding.. I have made more grammar mistakes than you think. I'm sure I did one right now. -- 14:34, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

You did. Well done. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 14:42, 19 May, 2011 (UTC)

My apologies

I do intend to return and make with the articles again, but the last month has been a motley of theatre projects and vagina drama, so I've been a little busy. --Holy Shit It's Neonazi powell 07:15, May 23, 2011 (UTC)