User talk:Matthlock/archive2

Chapter two

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Hello, you have reached Matthlock’s talk page. Please leave a message and/or a picture I might enjoy after the beep.

If your name’s on the following list, then feel free to trash my talk page leave me a message at will.

And Sir Frosty, if you have anything to say to me, then just say it to me, because you’re like a second father to me, in spite of the obvious fact that I’m 5 months and 12 days older than you.

And Puppy, Aleister, Bizzeebeever, RAHB, Xamralco, Mattsnow and Mhaille, feel free to say whatever you want to me, because you're my friends.

BUT BEFORE MAKING THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE, CHECK OUT THESE PAGES

• Archive I

Anyway, do your thing when you hear the beep. CENSORED

New messages, you have.

It is just you

Had to say it. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 11:18 18 Apr

UnSignpost 19th April 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 10² + 8² • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!

9001(bot)  14:51, Apr 19

Cake

Cake. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:09, April 21, 2012 (UTC)

Your signature is too tall

It's a few of the images. Could you be a dear and make them a maximum of 15px tall? Not wide, but tall - where they now have '15px' specified, that's only the width - make it say '15x15px' and assuming the mediawiki has its head on, that'll keep them in spec for height as well, and thus avoid messing with the line heights when you sign. Thanks. 1234 ~ 11:07, 21 April 2012

Lyrithya, you really need to calm down. I'm giving it all I got. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 19:42, April 22, 2012 (UTC)

Schrödinger

I added something to the talk page, and then realised it was still in my user space. But it's there. Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 01:15 23 Apr

German

Sure I'm German. You could have easily found out by visiting my user page. Cheers :=) NaturalBornKieler (talk) 12:27, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

User:Matthlock/UnSignpost entry

I'm trying to return the UnSignpost to its original state, so I'm not going to add this. Sorry. It's just top jokey and not newsy. If you want to change it to make it more like an actual entry, I'll be happy to look over it again. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:22, April 23, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost Apr 26th 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

Apr 26th, 2012 • Issue 165 • In a state of total chaos since March 8th!

VFS Excitement! By Chief Hah! You thought you were rid of me didn't you? Thought you'd be rid of old Chief like you were rid of Mordillo?? Well I have news for all of you, which is exactly why I'm writing this story, because I have news for you! Those of you who have spent the last month wearing buckets on your heads will undoubtedly be unaware that there is a VFS going on on the VFS page, where the VFS happens! It would seem Uncyclopedia's demand for administrators is only eclipsed by its demand for Frosty to stop going on about wanting more administrators. The VFS is now in its final stage and the admins are all voting on they would most like to not unsee as an administrator next month. Leading the pack at the moment, with a whopping four votes, is EMC, running on the ever popular "Oh go on, please, after all it is a lovely day" ticket. Hot on EMC's heels is PuppyOnTheRadio, whose voting section is filled with discourse about how unhelpful and blunt he is, mostly from Lyrithya the head of Uncyclopedia's "Never Forgetting, Never Forgiving department". With the qualities she describes the UnSignpost confidently forecasts that Puppy will claim adminship and bring his sunny disposition along with him. Dragging his heels in third position is Frosty, who has three for votes, one oppose vote, one haddock vote and a pencil drawing of a windmill. We are guessing that he is in third, since nobody really knows. Assuming that haddock votes are similar to oppose votes and assuming that oppose votes are like against votes one can deduce that he is on a score of one, however should the judges decide the windmill is worth ten Salmon votes, there could still be all to play for. Frosty is also an administrator at Encyclopedia Dramatica, the wiki which proves you don't need to be able to spell Encyclopaedia in order to start one. Perhaps they are mocking the correct spelling. But we digress, it is evident that Frosty's entire persona on this wiki s a mere front for a plot! We have clearly uncovered a dastardly scheme to destroy Uncyclopedia, especially with the damning evidence presented by MrN9000 "23,450 edits maintained over a period of longer than a year all just to stage 1 days fun". He's disgusted and you should be too. Frosty, if that is his real name, was clearly dead set on not having his true intentions revealed. People of Uncyclopedia, the UnSignpost urges you to seize your torches and pitchforks; we shall burn and stab the demons out of him! Bringing up the rear in this race are Oliphaunte and Xamralco with no votes each despite everyone agreeing that they are splendid fellows, everyone except Lyrithya that is. VFS concludes at midnight on the 30th when the successful candidates will be inducted into the order and the unsuccessful candidates go back to having real lives. How exciting. Happy Thursday! Even more VFS Excitement! (The VFS Derby) By Shabidoo The horses have been chosen and the judge shoots his big giant black gun. POW, they're off. The Aussies take the lead thanks to RAHB while EMC inches ahead with the support of the zombie faction. Its a three way lead until...look...EMC and Frosty are ahead due to...who is that guy? Tom Mayfair? Seriously, who is he? Suddenly, Xamralco is....he...he is still in the same place... due to "support" from Lyrithya. MrN throws in all his votes. WHAT A RACE! Puppy inches ahead and now...look...another impossible to interpret move. EMC will stay where he is with a "neutral" vote by Lyrithya. Could this be any more exciting? And the first casualty, Frosty breaks his leg and falls back due to a very long block of explanation but he keeps going. Gosh that trooper! And...whats that...Chief makes an actual decision sending Puppy ahead. What's next!?!? And now...a total of four horses are..."supported" by Lyrithya...keeping them in the exact same place they were before! Followed by a giant monumental block with links and references shatters Puppy's leg...and he lags behind, can he keep going? Hey...a score fix. Puppy is ahead after all...thanks TKF for the correction! Lyrithya withdraws her "support" for Oliphaunte...meaning he no longer stays where he is...but instead...stays where he is! Remarkable. What a frenzy. Now an exchange between TKF and Lyrithya...resulting in...no change at all...and the fans are waiting for anything...any result at all. The Australians in the lead while the others are content with "support", "neutural" votes or "neutural support"! BF takes a stand and EMC shoots ahead that strong buck he is! TKF calls fowl on Mr.N and the judges decide that "no one cares". Romartus injects EMC with steroids pushing him ahead while he breaks Frosty's other leg due to a shocking "conflict of interest" scandal. Who saw that coming? Anything goes in the VFS derby! Now its bedlam...some punch the wind out of horses by withdrawing their "for"s or break horses leg by changing to "against". What a 360º. Horses fall left, right, centre while everyone tries to figure out what everyone else is doing. How intense! Not since the VFS derby of 2011 have we seen this scale of flip flopping! And now Zombie decides to hold onto his crowbar so he can break a horses leg if he threatens his favourite candidate. Others give horses a push ahead while others throw grenades strategically at other horses. It seems everyone is playing a game of chicken...waiting to see what the other person does. We are heading towards the final run, a grand all out cage fight. The two horses with the least broken bones crawling towards the end. Tune in next week to see if any of these horses cross the line before dying of internal injuries. Will someone make an actual decision in the next day or two! Keep your eyes posted!

Check out these pages! Are you a slut? Find out now! Count with total strangers for the low, low price of $19.99! Vote on your favorite dictator! Eat some Nutella! From our logs: 06:15, April 24, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked BangYouLater (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 69 months ‎ (An internet-based porn website? How innovative.) 01:20, April 22, 2012 RabbiTechno (talk | contribs) blocked KeenChic (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's only a one-day ban because I've just had a fat line of drugs and am therefore in a good mood) 19:57, April 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 156.26.170.101 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (On the route to Nirvana edit warring is not Swindon that way lies) 18:54, April 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Owfinewf (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cybermullet, go away. ) 06:52, April 25, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 98.220.243.133 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Spam man? No thank you mam. ) Biopic of the Week Qzekrom (or Cute Zekrom if you pronounce "Q" incorrectly) is by far the best Uncyclopedian who is also a pokémon (Sorry, Mr-ex777). Originally an evil IP who refused to join, Cute Zekrom finally did the right thing and made an account, which is great for us since all he does is patrol recent changes, ICUing and QVFDing like a madman. Oh, and he writes UnNews, further spreading his liberal/conservative propaganda to all. Sadly, Cute Zekrom only has 100 HP, which allows my Burmy to completely annihilate him. Plus, everyone knows that Yu-Gi-Oh! is really where it's at... Or Digimon. Digimon's pretty cool, too. Old-school FA 23 June 2006 Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves. The series was noted for its recurring themes of theological introspection, philosophical anthropology, the study of the nation-state, and use of cardboard boxes that could turn into any machine they wanted it to. The series confused many, as Hobbes himself was not born until 1588 - some 40 years after the show last aired. This seeming anachronism was explained by the fact that only Calvin could see Hobbes - leading to debate over if Hobbes was real or merely a figment of Calvin's imagination. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the week I Forgot the Words! The Pee Buddy Awards! They deserve more attention than they're getting.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  00:48, Apr 26

Your problem

Alright Matthlock. I've actually got Microsoft Word 2007 on my computer so I tried typing Guns N' Roses out and copying it in here. Which produced Guns N’ Roses, which if you zoom in on the page you will note uses a different apostrophe. I suggest copying and pasting your articles out of Word when you complete them and into notepad (assuming you're on Windows). Use notepad to replace the apostrophes added in MS Word or just type the whole thing into notepad to start with and then just copy it to word to spell check. If you start in Word you will have to retype the apostrophes as copying and pasting to the notepad doesn't get rid of them.

Another thing you need to check is that you don't leave a space between the letter and the apostrophe/inverted comma as that will cause Word to produce a different one.

I typed this entire message out in notepad and just copied and pasted it onto here, and I can link to It's A Wonderful Life and Guns N' Roses without difficulty. Let me know if that doesn't solve the problem. --ChiefjusticePS3 21:46, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Microsoft Office has an autocorrect function that among other things has a "replace as you type" section that will default to replacing quotes (') with smart quotes (’). It's a pain in the bum if you don't want them, but you can change the settings in word. If you are using a post '07 version, then this link will tell you how to turn them on and off. For earlier versions this link will help. You can also type Ctrl-Z (undo) every time you type a quote, but that's annoying.

Otherwise you can move the whole document into notepad after you're done and do a Ctrl+H replace and go through the four types of quotes and replace them all. That's a messy way of doing things, but it will work. BannedPuppy (talk)

Different Unicode characters. On another note, I'm expecting a feature for this article I wrote soon. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:29, April 29, 2012 (UTC)

Kubrick

Al is also working on that one. You may want to talk to him on it. Preceding comment by BannedPuppy (talk | contribs) removed: Blocked users may not post messages.

Thanks Puppy, who is never blocked in my universe of thought and freedom. Yikes, are we doing separate Kubrick pages? How far along are you, I'm pretty far along on mine although it's taken awhile. Yikes. Al-jebaba 1:30 30-4-'12

Pee Buddy

Just a message to remind you committed yourself on the judging panel of the utmost journalistic competition of all-time: The Pee Buddy Awards! All the judging will be going on on THIS PAGE. All of the glorious articles are listed there! It would be cool if all the judging could be finished in a week or so. Also, Aleister's article is the only one in its category (rewritten UnNews), but it would be a great showing of appreciation for his efforts if you could judge it too! If for some reason you can't judge them, please tell me on my talk page in advance so I can book another judge. It'll take a doctor's note though. Thank you very much for taking the time to participate, making this site a joyful place and all! Mattsnow 00:10, May 1, 2012 (UTC)

Hello

I hope you didn't mind me removing those fixes from those two articles. I have been trying to fix a few of them, and they were coming up as scheduled to be fixed, which is probably not quite correct. Also, it's a pleasure to meet you. --C₂H₆O (hic) 01:00, May 2, 2012 (UTC)

Excuse me, but what? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 22:40, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

*poke*

You have some judging to do. Chop Chop. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:44, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah. Or face the consequences. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:28, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

Nah, no ban, but please tell me though so I can book another judge if you can't. Mattsnow 23:41, May 6, 2012 (UTC)

That was a joke. But I am a sysop at QuantumPedia, a self-operated wiki. I'm practicing being a dick there, in case they op me here. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 01:08, May 7, 2012 (UTC)

I would like to bring your attention to this forum

Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 03:20 07 May

Attention

Matthlock, We have been entrusted with issuing a strict warning that you are to report to the Pee Buddy Judging Facility located north of the 1337th Parallel somewhere around Mattsnow's Imperial Palace today or you shall face the consequences. Yeah. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 21:42, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Dear Matthlock,

I apologize for getting you blocked. Believe me, I did not mean it at all. It was not my intention. I hope you can forgive me for what I did. Deletemerightnow (talk) 23:37, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Hey listen, no need to apologize man. To tell you the truth, I was so hopped up on roofies, I don’t remember a single thing that happened at the time. I just woke up the next morning to realize I was temporarily blocked from Uncyclopedia. In fact, can you show me the reason as to why I got banned in the first place? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 23:38, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Sure it's right here. Deletemerightnow (talk) 23:40, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Ah dear, this could be quite hurtful. Fortunately, the only part that really offended me was when you used the 'K' Word at the end. Besides that, I'm not horribly offended. As a matter of fact, I think we got off on the wrong foot. From now on, I'll ignore any mistakes you made in the past and focus only on what's happening in the present. Does that sound okay with you man? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 23:44, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Sounds like a fair deal, sir. Deletemerightnow (talk) 23:44, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Speaking of bans and stuff, let's occupy Uncyclopedia to get Puppy unblocked. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:48, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Now what the hell do you expect me to do? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 23:50, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Dunno, man. You really need to get your ass over to Pee Buddy sooner or later. Seriously. We've waited long enough. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:51, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

I already did the judging. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 23:53, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, I just didn't see your scores in the table. I'll enter them in for you. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 23:55, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks man. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 23:58, May 8, 2012 (UTC)

Wait, someone already did. I guess I'll stalk Joe next. -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 00:25, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the speedy judging, I eliminated Joe, 6 judges is enough. Mattsnow 00:48, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Puppy's signature

Hi. I reverted you on Puppy's signature. It's how Puppy left it, and it lists all his features and other links, a pretty cool way to legacy himself. Maybe he knew he'd get infibanned, that that's where everything was headed, and wanted to leave that as his last signature. Just wanted to explain why I reverted you. Aleister 00:28 9-5-'12

Kāpēc PuppyOnTheRadio saņemt aizliegta pirmajā vietā? -- This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 00:36, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

Pee Buddy contest!!

I'm kissing you with great passion to thank you for participating in the Pee Buddy contest and judging the great articles with meticulousness! The full results are here!

Mattsnow 01:32, May 9, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 19:42, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Signature Length

Any chance you could edit your signature? It is beginning to fill up a page. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:11, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, no problem. I'll get on that. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:15, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks Matthlock. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:28, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, thanks!

I really appreciate your praise of my article, I'm glad you liked it. Your comments really made my day actually, so thank you very much : )

I'm not sure how much I could actually teach you on how to write that way because admittedly it was a great departure from the way I normally write, as I was making it as sort of a joke based on somebody who was telling me about their garden. The best advice I can give, if you're wanting to write an article in that vein, is to try to block out your own personality and logic and write it as though you know there's no consequences for your actions and as though you're just a person with no discernible connection to actual reality. The main thing is adding in the silliness though. Lots of people can write an angry article in the second person, lots of people have. The key though is to add in that silliness to make it more than just rambling anger, such as the asides talking about the reader's wife and mother, the author asking if he can have sex with the reader's fruits and vegetables, the detractions into descriptions of a surrealist bouncy house, etc. The character is obviously very eccentric and loony, so even when he's genuinely angry, he's entirely laughable. To that effect, it also helps that the thing he was angry about in the first place was hardly a legitimate thing to be angry about, but just something that personally irked him off enough, in his warped little world, to warrant a confrontation (which obviously the reader's side doesn't see as much of a threat as there's no intervention. I picture the character taking all this abuse as just looking on calmly at the irate lunatic standing in front of his doorstep the whole time, maybe even occasionally checking his watch or taking a sip of coffee). I hope that can help you out with what you were looking for. If you'd like any other help with writing, or to collaborate or anything like that, feel free to ask any time.

Rumors of my Australianity are greatly exaggerated. I am, in fact, American, which at times I'm more than a little ashamed to admit : P

And to answer your question on the article's talk page, Hawkwind are these guys:

I threw in a passing mention because I like them a lot, but they're otherwise unrelated to the article. Anyways, thanks again! Cheers! -RAHB 21:40, May 20, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost May 25th, 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

May 25th, 2012 • Issue 166 • Almost entirely asbestos free!

An Endzone Victory Dance From Your New Overlord By EMC Hi, I'm EMC, your family-friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost six years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin. But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win the VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me. I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Six years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success. I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of servicing Uncyclopedians serving Uncyclopedia. I can assure you that a life in service to Uncyclopedia will become a life full of attractive foreign women consenting to your penis without the inducement of money. Be more like me: Get born. Discover Uncyclopedia. Become an admin. Make a USP article about yourself. Success awaits you, especially if you are me. BOB'S BACK ALLEY ABORTIONS YOU MAKE 'EM, WE SCRAPE 'EM, NO FETUS CAN BEAT US! CALL NOW FOR A FREE CONSULTATION! 1-218-936-8869 A New Beginning for the Beginner's Guide By EMC If you take a whiff around, you can smell many parts of Uncyclopedia rotting away, such as neglected projects like UnPoetia or those meme-filled articles featured eons ago. And just look at all of that dust on the HTBFANJS! But of the many things which suck and need major fixing, the Beginner's Guide is no longer one of them. Thanks to the efforts of Shabidoo and this USP article's author, the Beginner's Guide is now navigable and comprehensible. Users are no longer overwhelmed by stubs stuffed between unnecessarily long calculus equations or whatever the hell was going on with that thing before. Readers do not have to flip through using the "Next page" button. Instead, the new guide can be navigated with its template or its overview page, which now only have six relevant links instead of thirty-thousand and five irrelevant links. What preceded this and highlighted the necessity for rewriting the guide was the simplification of our UnNews guide and welcome message. It's a well-established fact that reading bores people. Giving people less stuff to read when they first join Uncyclopedia, experts say, increases the likelihood that new users will not only be less bored, but that they might actually read the Beginner's Guide/welcome message/UnNews guide and become worthwhile contributors/get banned less often. And at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

Check out these pages! The PLS is here! International Spam IRC Month is almost over :( Fold proteins for great justice Hang out with your wang out From our logs: 07:08, 23 May 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked Sure mean with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppetry and all that jizz.) 23:30, 22 May 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 69.113.93.82 with an expiry time of 3 Days (You do bad thing, I ban you now) 14:57, 17 May 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla blocked 208.93.177.54 with an expiry time of 1 hour (Blanker: You are banned for blanking sections of the White Stripes article. Blanking sections of the White Stripes article got you banned.) 14:55, 13 May 2012 Roman Dog Bird blocked 67.163.130.253 with an expiry time of 2 hours (yo nigga, don't fuck with john candy. and remember, he isn't gay.) Biopic of the Week Tompkins is a retired admin who hasn't edited the site since 2007. This Iowan left Uncyclopedia to pursue a lucrative career in tipping cows (which we think is a euphemism) and designing corn palaces across the Midwest. Uncyclopedia's head office in Pyongyang has received several explicit postcards from him since 2007, all of which express deep regret at having left Uncyclopedia. Through these postcards Tompkins has told us that he hates his life and that leaving Uncyclopedia is the worst thing anyone could ever do, and that he advises anyone considering leaving to reconsider their consideration. In summation, Tompkins is a good example of why you should never leave Uncyclopedia or live in Iowa. Old-school FA 27 June 2009 Failure University (officially abbreviated FU, with sincerest regrets) is a fully self-accredited coeducational Internet-based university. Founded in 2006, it endeavours to provide advanced degrees to the mentally and financially underprivileged — namely those persons who were too dim to be matriculated by a standard college or university, and whose parents were too poor to build a new engineering building or add a wing to the campus library. (More...) Newsroom UnTune of the Week Randomness Rap

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--Hotadmin4u69 ^[TALK] 00:09 May 25 2012

On Hawkwind and Blue Oyster Cult

I'd be more than glad to collaborate on a BOC article, they're actually one of my favorite groups. Let me know of any ideas you have for the article premise or any particular lines and I'll in turn be thinking of some as well (and listening to some of their albums for inspiration). Glad to hear you're enjoying Hawkwind! They're one of my favorite groups as well : ) -RAHB 09:39, May 27, 2012 (UTC)

waaaah

by lately, how lately exactly? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 03:18, June 6, 2012 (UTC)

The past month or so would do. I just got out of the last day of school 54 minutes ago, so I'm gonna be at this site more often now for the next three months. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 18:54, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

A bunch of stuff happened, I forgot most of the details because of laziness and goldfish memory. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 05:19, June 19, 2012 (UTC)

Category:Uncyclopedians of French-Canadian descent

Vraiment? Je vais l'ajouter tout de suite!!! Montréal ou Quebec? Mattsnow 20:45, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

Either way is fine, sir. In my mind, they're sort of the same thing. Anyway, I'm glad you liked what I created. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 20:47, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

Mr Anon I can see... That's all right. For myself. I am not ashamed to say I rape squirrels in Quebec City. That's the classy thing to do. It's a hobby of ours LOL Mattsnow 21:00, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

Neat, never been to Quebec myself. All I know is that I am 1/8 French-Canadian by ancestry. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:04, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

Haha, OK, I was wondering why would someone create the category and then be shy about it lol. I'm glad you did! Do you know French a bit? That's my maternal language, being from Quebec. By the way, me and SPIKE made it an awesome article. It was a year in the making!!! Mattsnow 21:41, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

Nope, I don't speak French. What's the name of the article you and Spike wrote? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:43, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

Quebec! Long live the motherland and behead all the English denizens! Mattsnow 00:31, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

My last comment was a little extreme lol. I traveled to the States a lot and once went to France and I can tell you that Quebec is just awesome. I know I sound like the Minister of Quebec Tourism, but when you compare, you just can't help but come to that conclusion. Nature is near the big cities and they are all beautiful, except Montreal, which reminds me of some big American cities: a very rich business district and the majority of it is a dump. I'd recommend Quebec City (or anywhere else in Quebec) 1000 times more than Montreal, Gaspesia is awesome too, or if you like fishing and have the big bucks, Northern Quebec is the place. There are so many lakes in Quebec that hundreds of them don't even have names or trails leading to them! And you, what's it like where you are? Are you in the US? Mattsnow 03:09, June 19, 2012 (UTC)

Bring out your dead! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

June 14th, 2012 • Issue 167 •It's a periodical. Deal with it.

Censorship and The UnSignpost By Chief More of this. It was with some trepidation that the editorial team seized their pens this week, and not just because we don't actually hand-write the USP. The main reason is that the UnSignpost service has been about as frequent as hot Panda sex, which, brings us neatly to our big promise. We can't guarantee news or a that we won't disappear without warning again but we can guarantee talk of Panda sex, as frequently as possible. The big news on Uncyclopedia is the scandalous news that Wikia have added a warning that pops up when you first visit Uncyclopedia, warning readers that Uncyclopedia is objectionable, inappropriate and violent. The obvious question you would expect to be on everybody's lips is "What took you so long?" we've been all those things for years now, it's like they haven't been paying attention. However, the main feeling on the forums are outrage and angry expressions of... well, anger. Bizzeebeever is possibly more outraged than anybody else, something he is demonstrating by being frustratingly American in every contribution to the forum, littering his discourse with "Y'all"'s and "darntootin"'s. Bizzeebeever had this to say about the forum: "Somebody here has serious scratch" which we can only assume means Wikia's ownership of Uncyclopedia is akin to an unpleasant venereal disease. If that's not what it means then that's exactly what it should mean. The UnSignpost is right behind Bizzeebeever in demanding freedom from the itchy sexual diseasy era of Wikia ownership: OUR PENISES DEMAND LIBERTY! The Solution Wikia are denying our todgers their rights. The proposed reactions to being censored in this hideous manner include: filling Wikia's central wiki with porn and other violent content (to demonstrate just how family friendly we are), occupying another wiki, turning the warning pink, voting, voting on the voting, ignoring the warning and looking up Anal licking anilingus on Wikipedia. Spike has also proposed a major letter-writing campaign, as long as all the letters are different and include a lot of long words. It would seem that despite a forum topic and a lot of long blocks of text decrying the notice that it will remain with us for the foreseeable future. The UnSignpost urges readers not to dismay, and not to attempt to suffocate themselves by climbing into large bags of mashed potato. Seriously, it doesn't work and you look really stupid. Happy ANAL LICKING ANILINGUS Thursday! News round-up By Chief Woof Nobody was more disappointed than the UnSignpost staff when they discovered that things had in fact carried on happening while the UnSignpost was on hiatus. The biggest upcoming event is in fact the Poo Lit Surprise! The competition has in fact started, sparing you all the tiresome UnSignpost articles imploring you to participate, unfortunately for you we have not missed the competition itself so prepare for another tiresome UnSignpost article imploring you to participate. The competition is being run by Zombiebaron this year, Zombiebaron has in fact run it for the last two years but has always bullied some other sucker into running it for him and doing all the adding up. Zombiebaron is offering a cash prize of actual cash money which you can actually spend because it is cash money. Zombiebaron is offering templates and shiny imaginary money as prizes which you can't spend except in dreams. Xamralco is opposed to the cash prize because "Material possessions and wealth are so analogue... man" and because he probably won't win it. The UnSignpost would like to point out that any money you receive may have been touched by EMC and Black flamingo and their userpages give you enough of an idea of the sort of things they enjoy touching. Noob of the Moment is running splendidly with users voting and around everybody winning the award at a non-specified moment in time. Last month the winners were XDshempXD, Alpha Quintesson and Mockingbird ST who soared to victory having amassed some votes each. Well done all of you, you're all winners, that said there is a special prize for the real winner, which will be presented to the first one of you to present another admin with Socky's skull on a silver plate. He lives in Belgium, he's the one that isn't a Cow, bring us his head. Pee review has fallen silent which can only mean one thing and it isn't that we have reviewed every single article on Uncyclopedia. This is doubtless because of a lack of work from the fallen ones. Peeing is not only helpful to the wiki but can also win you a diamond studded toilet!! It's a toilet with diamonds! The admiration, respect and gratitude will also be tremendous, and if you pee regularly your bladder won't explode. A Diamond Toilet! So, to recap, that's the respect and admiration of your peers, a healthy non-exploded bladder and a diamond studded toilet! You'd be crazy not to go and review something right now! Finally patrolling edits is a very useful function, much like the ability to pee (diamond studded toilet! Diamond studded toilet!) , and it saves you time, effort and time. However Frosty has noticed that nobody seems to be doing it. Bizzeebeever is in fact winning at patrolled edits and at creating bar graphs to demonstrate points that you don't really need a bar graph to demonstrate. The point is however that if you patrol recent changes you should be patrolling edits. Bizzeebeever even made a javascript to let you patrol thousands of edits per second. Alternatively you could not bother to patrol edits, this would annoy Frosty an awful lot, but it would also let Bizzeebeever win at something, so you should probably do it.

Check out these pages! Wikia are doing this They aren't doing this Poo! Again! Pee my undead minions! And Again!! From our logs (Bumper UnSignpost Absence edition): 05:21, June 9, 2012 Olipro (talk | contribs) blocked Suicidal Depression (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (/wrists) 11:07, June 5, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 27.159.197.202 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Stop telling people about Chanel Handbags, they're all for me I tell you) 07:35, June 2, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 92.234.67.126 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (DAYUM BRO, YO SHIT IS SO CASH!) 05:06, June 3, 2012 Lyrithya (talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 seconds ‎ (Continuing to do things the right way) 23:43, June 5, 2012 Abuse filter (talk | contribs) blocked 95.239.30.1 (talk) with an expiry time of indefinite ‎ (Automatically blocked by abuse filter. Description of matched rule: You bother me.) 12:42, May 29, 2012 Mhaille (talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.28.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Latent Hetrosexual) 21:52, May 30, 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla (talk | contribs) blocked 66.90.101.217 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (PWNT LIKE THE FAGGOT NOOB FUCKER THAT YOU ARE!! PWNT PWNT PWNT!!!) 18:19, May 30, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) blocked I'mawesomeninja (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Two of your recent edits were shown not to be awesome.) 01:02, May 24, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (talk | contribs) blocked Shoop Da Whoopi Goldberg (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (best name yet. no, really. i mean that.) Biopic of the Week It's time for biopic of the week! This week the lucky user is Alpha Quintesson. For those of you who have never met Alpha, as I will affectionately call him, he is the nicest fellow you are ever likely to meet. Treading recent changes, wielding a plunger of power armed only with a Noob of the Month award and Uncyclopedian of the Month. A true knight of the Potato shaped table who has reverted more vandalism than most of the admins in recent months. Granted most of the admins are too powerful and lazy to do anything but swat irritably at passing vandals, but without the valuable work of my good chum Alpha the admins would have to actually do some work. I like him so much I might even shorten his nickname again, he can just be Alf, a good strong British name. The highest honour that it is possible for me to bestow, amongst others. Keep up the good work Alf and who knows, one of these days we might promote you to deputy-vice sub-assistant drudge! The possibilities are literally endless! Old-School FA Please note that this article is in no way, shape or form endorsed by or affiliated with Wikia Inc. Corp. Ltd. Wikia is awesome. It is quite simply the best wiki farm available, a breath of fresh air in a sea of stale wikihosts and morally corrupt corporate-run shared hosting deals. Wikia would never think about alienating you or your morals. Why should it? After all, it is hosted by robots that will crush your beliefs and intentions with its delightful selection of stock responses (See Forking of content), and since when did robots have any respect for human morals? But it is still cool. Wikia: not in any way morally questionable Newsroom UnTune of the week UnTunes:Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover) The Last Word The last word this week is from permanently absent UnNews dictator Zim ulator: 'Zulch! Not so fast! Last pieces of information! Cat the Colourful is a male. Now shuddup <insert name here>.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 09:58, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

Um, what dead? I swear, I don't have a dead body in my garage! I swear! HONEST TO GOD! Why do you accuse me of such a thing?!?! ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 20:59, June 18, 2012 (UTC)

Assume the position! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

June 21st, 2012 • Issue 168 •Dost thou go cross-gartered yonder UnSignpost?

Blue Sky Thinking By Chief The only image Dr.Skullthumper did not delete. We here at the UnSignpost were just saying the other day, as we packed fudge at the mid-week meeting, how much we miss Dr. Skullthumper. Not because we like him or anything, nobody misses him for that. We miss him because he provided an unending stream of fantastic ideas! True, most of these ideas were along the lines of "Let's pack all the images on the wiki into a category which I have called 'Maintaining Your Brilliant Ideas Now' or MYBIN for short and let's delete all but the ones of Elephants holding tissues!!" but he was certainly trying and it made for sensational news. Alas, now Dr. Skullthumper has taken another leave of absence leaving nobody to save Uncyclopedia from certain doom. Or so we thought... It would seem that Shabidoo has his eyes firmly set upon the title of Humour-Wiki innovator having this week posted no fewer than three forum topics demanding, suggesting and complaining about the wiki and proposing that we all do something about it. His posts do lack Dr. Skullthumper's trademark doom and gloom and are instead infuriatingly chirpy and irritating. Pictured: A retro image from a retro article about a very retro game When asked to comment Shabidoo had this to say to Uncyclopedia: "I should now take this moment to inform you that you are all a bunch of snotty nosed dick faces, sinking into an abyss of cock-wad penis-smoking but-snot!!!". We know what you're all thinking; he's far too polite to be anything like Dr. Skullthumper. Shabidoo wants three things, he wants to be able to share pages on Facebook, he wants us all to go retro for a week and he wants his smart phone to load Uncyclopedia, probably so he can create more forum topics about banality. Shabidoo's best idea is retro week, we imagine this will comprise editing whilst wearing ridiculous hair, a ridiculous shirt, leather trousers and carrying a boom box. For those of you who aren't interested in that sort of thing, what Shabidoo actually proposes is that we re-feature seven articles from before 2010. Steady on there Shabidoo perhaps next time we could run Prehistoric week where we re-feature articles as from as far back as 2009! Most of you will remember 2010 better referred to by the man in the street as "The year before last". It's very retro, assuming you have no idea what retro actually means. The Facebook suggestion will likely meet with failure because it requires someone who can code, and we only have a couple of people who can do that and they're all insane, Olipro, American or a combination of the three. Elsewhere on the wiki this week Nikau missed the censorship outrage boat and was outraged by the censorship. Qzekrom created a forum topic and told nobody to reply to it, that was a bit weird,. The PLS is still running and Saberwolf116 returned to the wiki and was promptly ordered back to Pee Review and the voting pages for being foolish enough to announce his return. Nobody writes UnTunes any more, we could have a week of singing and dancing, we'd call it "UnTunes Week" because we're original like that. Happy Thursday. A Victory for Democracy By Chief Lyrithya's proposal for the content warning You all probably remember last week, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You might also remember that the UnSignpost ran a story on the OUTRAGEOUS censorship of Uncyclopedia. The big development to that story this week is that Simsilikesims has managed to get the content warning removed! Oh, wait that's not right, what has actually happened is that the warning has been changed so that it is more welcoming, not that there are many more welcoming ways you can say "WARNING: This wiki has over 600 breast images and racism!" This may or may not be Simsilikesims writing the new content warning The new warning is delightful and nobody can say a bad word about it, except me. I hate it. It's too compromising, I'm all in favour of encouraging new users to come to our site, but the current content message makes them all think that Uncyclopedia is the place for them! Do you know that just this week I was patrolling recent changes hunting for Grouse vandalism with my dog, Barnaby Montague Clifford III, when I saw new users. This is the work of Simsilikesims he/she/it has sewn the seeds of our destruction! I would also like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the Cat on the notice and Simsilikesims signature. The signature that most people see first is normally Zombiebaron's on the block page, or mine in the canned welcome message I have sprayed onto their talk page. Don't you people see? If we put Simsilikesims' signature on the content warning people will start asking her/him/it things. A truly deplorable state of affairs. Also, Aimsplode really likes the new content warning, as if you needed another reason to hate it. You! By Chief You is exactly who could write articles for the UnSignpost! In order to keep the periodical working on a regular basis. We also needed this space to even up the columns because of RAHB's massive complaint. Enjoy reading that. We certainly did. That's enough space filled.

Check out these pages! Yeah, still Yes, STILL!! 634 boob images Please God somebody sing something From our logs: 19:52, June 19, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 seconds ‎ (The UnSignpost Gods demand the banning of a blessed Virgin every Tuesday. Since there's none of those around right now I'll have to make do with Under user.) 21:13, June 19, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (wait wait wait i wanna block him too!) 09:01, June 14, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked Wllmlos (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take some time to think about how unfunny you are. Then, try again.) 07:02, June 15, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 90.215.54.206 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: This isn't Facebook.) 01:09, June 20, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked JoeSimmons (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BIG TITTIES) 00:59, June 18, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (I saw your name and couldn't resist.) Biopic of the Week It's time for biopic of the week! This week the user we are "featuring" is none other that "Featured User". Now let me entertain you with a small amount of information shamelessly taken from his user page and ruthlessly put into my own words. Featured User was created in September 2011. There you go, wasn't that interesting? Featured User has created a number of splendid articles since then and remains something of an enigma, hardly speaking, hardly appearing but writing contest winning articles and winning awards when he does. He's like me in a dream I once had, where nobody hated me. FU, as you can call him should he annoy you, hasn't been seen since March which leads the UnSignpost to have a deep deep affinity with him. Let us all hope for his swift return perhaps, when he does, he can save us from ourselves. Old School FA Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest game to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to college. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever. Newsroom UnTune of the week GloriAAA! Complaints Corner I'd like to complain about the state of affairs in this hotel's tea room. The smell is unbearable in here. There's too much light let in from outside, and at night the place is too fecking dark to see whether or not I'm drinking green or black tea. This is very important as I have a theaflavin-3-gallate deficiency that flares up only at 9 o'clock in the morning. You'd this would be okay because that early in the morning I'd be able to see the tea, but the problem lies in the fact that if I have any more tea than fills the deficiency within a 24-hour period, I experience very inconvenient seizures and the temporary loss of ability to control my sexual urges, effectively leaving me twitching around on the ground while repeatedly thrusting my groin into the air, making grunting noises. But I digress. There's a dumpster next to the tea table and it attracts a great deal of local bird-life. All the unpleasant kinds, seagulls, pelicans, crows, what have you. Couldn't attract a nice spotted purple martin, noooooooo. It has to be the disgusting birds attracted to trash. Idiotic. At any rate, in retrospect it doesn't look like this is the tea room at all. I seem to have fallen down the trash chute by accident this morning. Cheerio! -RAHB 00:09, February 11, 2012 (UTC) We're glad you enjoyed your stay at the Bates Motel. We hope you choose to stay with us during next year's uncyclopedia Q&A convention. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   01:57, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 00:41, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Um, what position? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:39, June 25, 2012 (UTC)

The editorial position. --ChiefjusticePS3 22:08, June 25, 2012 (UTC)

That brings me to an interesting question, Chief. Are you male or female? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 22:14, June 25, 2012 (UTC)

Listing redirects on QVFD

There is a special syntax you have to use, involving {{Redirect}}, specified on the QVFD page. As it was explained to me, it helps the Admins ensure that they are merely deleting a redirect rather than something of substance. Cheers! Spıke ¬ 22:51 25-Jun-12

That page you wanted me to read

I started editing it before I remembered that you want help help instead of editing editing. So here's help help:

1. If you're going to insert yourself in the story, don't. Everybody already loves and worships you and you're awesome. Anonymously written (or, if you're willing to put in the work of working the narrator in to the rest of the page, The Narrator) is better, lest your humble ego get out of control.
2. When the paragraphs under a header don't take up much more room than the header, then the paragraphs themselves aren't long enough (Alternately, the headers are too long. But that would be ridiculous). The text is the jam that holds together the salad of...that can't be right. Well, you get the idea. Step two is a mere sentence, with the end result but no explanation of how to get from nowhere to there.
3. That's it, really. Also, I'm terrible at this. Me mum said I'd never be a good critic. And she was right. I can do more editing to help fill out the page, if you'd like. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:20, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the tips. But one question: Why did you say mum? Are you British or something? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:32, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

I'm not British. I'm *adorable*. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:36, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Awesome. (You can't see me, but I'm giving you the thumbs-up right now.) ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 23:37, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Lies! You're re-potting a gardenia! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:59, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

Damnation! How did you know? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:03, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

I'm trashing your page anyway

Your sig is messing up the forums, would you mind trimming it? Or, if you want, I can make you a super-duper badass sig like mine for FREE. FREE. FREE. FREE.

Say so if you want it.

→A (Ruins) ^{13:25, 28 June 2012}

So let me get this straight. You want me to change my sig? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:17, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

Why do people get so up in arms about unimportant things like signatures on this site? Go write some damn articles, I say! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 03:39, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you, TKF. Change my sig? Make me. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 21:12, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

For fuck's sake, just make my job easier and make a nice, cool compact version and use it. →A (Ruins) ^{01:06, 30 June 2012}

Your "job", Aimsplode? And what the fuck would that be, pray tell? Annoying people until they ban the fuck out of you? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jun 30 '12 1:52 (UTC)

Matthlock's sig has all his ancestors' flags in it! You should add the Quebec one bro! :P Mattsnow 05:50, June 30, 2012 (UTC)

Well, to make Mattsnow happy, I added the flag of Quebec on there, but Aimsplode is right, I should change my sig soon. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 19:42, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

VFH

Whilst voting on is good and stuff, please be sure to update the score when you vote... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:56, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Okily-dokily. Also, could you help expand step two to my article. Once that's done, I think I'll mainspace it. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 22:57, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Just explain why you should do it, or something along those lines, I am not very good at writing... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:00, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Oh yeah, and do you think my article has enough photos now? ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 23:01, June 29, 2012 (UTC)

Reply

It sounds just fine, however I advise you redo it because there is a number of awkwardly long pauses throughout/lack of expression/whats that damned tapping sound in the background???, I mean you should have probably practiced it a bit more before you uploaded it. If you do this successfully you could do this for other articles because making audio for articles hasn't been done since like 2008. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:08, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

July 5th, 2012 • Issue 169 • You'd be crazy not to listen!

Reform and change By Chief Pictured: VFS It was the winds of change that wafted through the UnSignpost office this week, at least that's what we assume the smell is. This week's topic of change is the ever popular Vote for Sysops/Sandwiches. What's wrong with it? It's not good enough that's what. VFS has always been something of an old standby for the UnSignpost, it has drama, it has thrills, it has the invariable abuse of power and crushing of dissenting opinions. It has everything that made Uncyclopedia what it is today. With so many positives- did we mention the abuse of power? The drama? With so many positives it is hard to believe that anyone would ever wish to be rid of VFS, but it seems there is always one bold revolutionary desperate to spoil everybody else's fun. This week's bold revolutionary role is played jointly by Saberwolf116 and Lyrithya. Shocking really, after all Lyrithya always seemed so happy with how everything on Uncyclopedia was run and hasn't tried to change a thing since she got here. She favours scrapping VFS altogether and introducing a system similar to that used on Wikipedia. This correspondent would like to share the advice of his estranged father with Lyrithya: "If you like Wikipedia so much why don't you go and live there?". Lyrithya should go and live on wikipedia where her precious '"equality" and "accountability" can exist, she can leave us to fester in our misery, we've been enjoying that for several years. Saberwolf116 meanwhile is a splendid well-meaning fellow who has no idea that it is in fact quicksand full of shards of broken glass that he has unwittingly stepped into. Saberwolf proposes a system similar to a discussion board where everyone discusses and agrees who is the best candidate for the job, they are then appointed and begin doing a splendid job, perhaps while we are all living in Saberwolf's fantasy world we could all visit the Marshmallow planet and grow enormous beards. Saberwolf had this to say about his plans to abolish the voting: "Let's vote", so he is off to a good start. Lyrithya meanwhile proposes that we let people nominate themselves at any time and if they're good enough we make them an administrator, it's a good idea and it works on wikipedia, but so would Aztec human sacrifice if the arbitration committee suggested it. Satan deciding that admin votes should count double in the first round of VFS. Sycamore also appears to be formulating a system based on letting the administrators decide everything until the final stage which the UnSignpost is sure will go down a storm amongst a group who feel that letting administrators' votes count double in the first stage of the current VFS is a breathtaking abuse of position and power, which can only have been instituted on the instruction of Satan and his demonic minions. The discussion continues on the forum, though based on the current state of affairs you are unlikely to be made an administrator unless your mum is "ghey", which means RAHB is safer than anybody. On a lighter note Qzekrom suggests an article feedback tool be added to the bottom of articles so people can rate the article, some may remember we scrapped a scoring system for articles because "Nobody ever uses the thing". Anybody wishing to let an author know about the ghey-ness of their mum or how terrible their article is are encouraged to make use of the talk page, or have a go at using Pee Review, that's why most people use it. PLSURPRISE! By Chief Yes, the Poo Lit Surprise competition has concluded. There was a tremendous amount of ceremony as Zombiebaron closed the competition having completed all his adding up. It was something of a news item in of itself that there were no ties and a clear winner was found in every single category. The grand champion was Modusoperandi who wrote a splendid article about the Slender Loris. You should read it, you should vote for it. You should vote for everything and anything. The competition runner-up was Thekillerfroggy who successfully came second more than everybody else. He must be very proud. He wrote HowTo:Meet women, which is quite ironic when you think about it, he also wrote Freezer, which isn't ironic, even if you think about it. You should nominate these articles and then vote on them. Shabidoo's retro week idea that we thoroughly ridiculed the other week sits sickeningly on the Village Dump flaunting its garish imagery and mocking the forum's otherwise sombre tone. This forum still exists despite the issue it was created to challenge having been resolved, though it does seem to be nearing the record for the most votes on a single forum topic. Finally, the top 3 of the month has moved to the forum because it is easier to vote on it by phone. If we are altering things to make them easier to edit from a phone we should probably move the entire wiki into a forum. Happy Thursday!

Check out these pages! You don't! It does! Vote! Boat! From our logs: 05:22, July 4, 2012 Modusoperandi (talk | contribs) blocked 68.63.193.235 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (he eat fat dicks too hahhhhaaahha niches this shit is fake and the booze who wrote can a fat ass dick like their mother hahah) 11:13, June 30, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.52.194 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Please don't revert people unless you are sure you are better than them.) 17:45, June 29, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 24.113.223.122 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Blanking is 4kids. HAHAHA YOU SEE WHAT I DID?? I MADE A FUNNY!) 05:36, July 3, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (VANBALISANG DA MANE PAGE) 17:53, June 27, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Dragonsheep (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Muck spreading is what farmers do. Are you a farmer?) 19:16, June 25, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked ROMARTUS IS A DIRTY TURD (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (GIANT BALLS) Biopic of the Week Hello! This week the biopic of the week is devoted to a set of stairs and a Jewish man. Yes, it's Staircase, a user who hasn't been seen since April 2010! A small number of you might remember Staircase for his articles and his touching up of your inner thighs. He won awards and I miss him. He never really knew me, he probably didn't know you but the wiki is a worse place place for the lack of him. I also miss Mordillo, I miss his Jewishness and his not-permitting-that-sort-of-thingness. He was a splendid fellow and he wrote good articles, plus he agreed with me, nobody does that any more. A moment please for two of our gayest and best. May they bring their own brand of humour and sexual perversion to whichever caring institution has the honour of housing them in their retirement. Old-school FA Henchmen are the missing link between the super evil and the rest of us. No task is too menial or monotonous for them. They don't talk much but they think fast. Henchmen are the vital cogs in the massive gearwork that is the wristwatch of the villain. Without them, his wristwatch would only be right twice a day. And villains need to be able tell time accurately all day. They are the villain's last and greatest line of defense - well, after the laser cannon that they built on the moon, the nuclear warhead and the escape pod, of course. The life of a henchman is sweet indeed- danger, beautiful women, a really good dental plan... who wouldn't want to be a henchman? Newsroom UnTune of the week 7 Shits Woof The UnSignpost Dog reminds all readers of the importance of symmetry. That is all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS3 08:13, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Please don't

Spam talk pages with requests to reply to forums you create. Asking for one or two people to look is fine, sending it out to larger groups is a bit of a no no. If everybody did that we'd never discuss anything else on talk pages. Your topic is in the forum, people can find it there and reply without prompting. Please don't do it again. --ChiefjusticePS3 23:35, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Fine thing, Chief. Whatever you say, pal. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 20:01, July 6, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you. --ChiefjusticePS3 15:43, July 7, 2012 (UTC)

Good morning

I'd like to tell you the good news about Jesus. -- Sir CPT Dr PuppyOnTheRadio GUN UmP WotM NotM FP VFP VFH CM POTM UGM 12:37 11 Jul 00:37, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

Jesus wept - John 11:35 ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 16:36, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

Old Forums

Can you not disinter old forums with new comments? Like here Something or other. Friendly warning. Thanks. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 06:32, July 12, 2012 (UTC)

RE: GWID

Close. I was born & raised in Las Vegas, but have been living in Iowa for the last 5 years. Glad you like my voice though (I hate it). There might be more of it to come because I'm trying to convince my girlfriend to re-record an UnTunes with me. --Hotadmin4u69 ^[TALK] 17:03 Jul 12 2012

Cool. I wrote this article and I did the audio for it but it sorted of sucked. You can do a re-record if you are in any way interested. ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 17:05, July 12, 2012 (UTC)

What time is it?

(High-pitched): IT'S ARCHIVE, IT'S ARCHIVE TIME! ☭ ♂ Matthlock ☯ ☃ € ☭ 19:18, July 13, 2012 (UTC)

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END OF CHAPTER TWO