User talk:Lord Castabarus

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edit Oh Dear...

Evileye trans

Beware! The evil eye is upon thee!

Hello, Lord Castabarus, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Unfortunately, we've noticed that your "contributions" — not to put too fine a point on it — have been crap.

If you came here to vandalize — rather than it just being something that comes naturally to you — you should be aware that your edits will not remain on the wiki and in fact it will take us much less time to undo them than it took you to think them up in the first place.

If you thought you were making good edits, then perhaps before you make more of them, you might do some reading first. And start with some of these pages, especially How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid:

Scotty and the bloody knife
Writing funny articles
Understanding Uncyclopedia: About usBeginner's GuideOur projectsGetting ideasHelp menu
Understanding Funny: How To Be Funny And Not Just StupidFunny and not just stupid imagesChoosing words creatively
What to avoid: VandalismCyberbullyingWriting about yourself or your palsDramaOveruse of initial quotationsOveruse of lists
What people have asked for: ArticlesPictures
Additional help: Get spelling/grammar helpFind or become a co-authorHow to write an UnNewsAsk an AdminGet feedback on your work

Good luck and I'm sorry you got off to such a bad start. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help or think this template has been placed unfairly, please write to me at the bottom of my talk page (by clicking on my signature below) or to an Admin on their talk page. Alternatively, you can ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome!

edit Don't vandalise

I reverted your adds and removed the rant. I suggest your read the HTBFANJS --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 19:09, July 8, 2013 (UTC)

edit User talk:Romartus

At uncyclopedia, we don't take kindly to blankers. Please don't do that(blanking) again. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510My Edits! 19:37, July 8, 2013 (UTC)

Don't type over the text already entered or remove text that was already entered unless you are making changes to that specific text. I recommend you try in the Sandbox when your ban expires. You can also use your userspace (use User:Lord Castabarus/Article title to create an article or experiment with changes). Also, use the preview button which is next to the save button when editing pages. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 21:23, July 8, 2013 (UTC)

edit Ban

I have recommended you to be banned as you have blanked pages, reverted talk page edits and vandalised. This is not productive nor acceptable on this wiki. Please attempt to write some article and stop vandalising. Thanks. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 20:21, July 8, 2013 (UTC)

I would, but that's why i blanked the pages, i don't know how. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Lord Castabarus (talk • contribs)

Type in the name of the article you wish to create in the search bar then create it. Thanks. Sir ScottPat (talk) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 20:25, July 8, 2013 (UTC)

edit Don't put crap here...

I don't take kindly to that stuff, takes 1 second longer to load with lots of crap here. Lord Castabarus (talk) 16:21, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

If you visit this page, that means that you want to read what others wrote here? Anton (talk) 16:06, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

I don't care what other people write Lord Castabarus (talk) 16:21, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

But why do you need to look at your talkpage then? "Takes 1 second longer to load" Anton (talk) 17:26, March 28, 2014 (UTC)
Then I can put loads of pointless crap then :) Lord Castabarus (talk) 18:57, March 28, 2014 (UTC)

edit About crap

Sir, attempts by other Uncyclopedians to talk to you are not crap. This is a joint writing project, not your private disk farm; there are occasions when we need to talk to each other; and it goes much easier if we can see what others have already said to you. Please observe this basic rule of dealing with others here. Spıke Ѧ 22:00 28-Mar-14

PS--Your recent edit to Hitler was undone by Admin Romartus and your subsequent edit to Homosexuality was undone by me, because it was ranty and made a serious point; any gay-bashing done on this website should be directly on the route to fitful comedy. It is time for you to read How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, and cover-to-cover. Spıke Ѧ 22:04 28-Mar-14

edit Oh No

You are free to call pages in your userspace anything you want to, but the title makes me think you have set out to write about your high school.

  1. It is vanishingly difficult to write stuff about your high school that isn't true about everyone else's high school too.
  2. Our vanity policies, written long before I got here, explains why we generally don't care about your high school.
  3. Consequently, any such project would have to be really well-written; and even then, the reader would praise the writing but still might not finish reading it, as he still wouldn't care.
  4. In addition, if the page title is a pun, it makes it even more likely that no one will read it. You are asking the reader to guess your punch line before he can read your joke. Spıke Ѧ 19:10 1-Apr-15
As you've probably gathered, I hate my school. Thanks for letting me know Spike. Out of interest, how did you find the page, and can other people find the page from my main userpage? Finally, how do I delete the page? I think I'll start working on a page for Malcolm Tucker in my userspace. Lord Castabarus (talk) 20:08, April 1, 2015 (UTC)

To delete your own page, go to QVFD and follow the instructions in nit-picking detail. As for how I saw your page, Admins see everything. Spıke Ѧ 20:41 1-Apr-15

edit Hippies

I post-edited you here, as the start was awkward. An encyclopedia section doesn't start by telling the reader whether or not he gives a shit, nor especially use bold italics to call attention to a sentence that was fun for you but not fun for the reader. (I am also against using {{British}} to start an article by warning the reader whether or not he cares or will find it funny — Let the writing speak for itself!) I also added a comparison between your Green leader and our President, which you don't have to keep. Spıke Ѧ 10:14 3-Apr-15

Thanks for the advice. I'm always learning on this site :) I'll keep your section, quite funny, just added a "the" in the correct place :) Lord Castabarus (talk) 12:51, April 3, 2015 (UTC)

That's fine, although either way reads right to me (you win election by winning an election). Spıke Ѧ 13:12 3-Apr-15

Probably our different dialects and way of saying things. Lord Castabarus (talk) 20:14, April 3, 2015 (UTC)

edit George Osborne

Please reconsider. This article starts with very long lists, and you just made them longer. The only thing funny about this is that the lists are unreasonably long, and longer doesn't mean funnier. The start of an article has to delight a reader to make him read on, not assault him with alias after alias after alias. Read more about this at UN:LIST. Spıke Ѧ 23:53 3-Apr-15

edit Vincent van Gogh

I deleted the second half of your new section. Manufacturing segues to penises has been done too much, there is no reason to do it again here, and you didn't show a clever one, just that cutting off an ear makes you think about cutting off a dick. (Probably also everyone else in your class, and even before they would read your writing.) I also deleted "arguably," which is one of life's better gassy words. The sports talk radio here says that the best definition of "arguably" is "not." Using it has the same function as writing "Many people say" — it is a text version of stuttering. Spıke Ѧ 09:46 4-Apr-15

edit Nicola Sturgeon

Likewise, I think your new section in this article doesn't fit, but the article is new today and being developed by two other Brits, and they can decide. Admin Romartus started the article, as we have a new UnNews today about Nicola, and his style is to put an artful spin on the factual; that is why having a non-factual smutty ending might be a problem. Spıke Ѧ 13:18 5-Apr-15

One other Brit, I simply added a caption in for an image. I agree with Spike, an article which switches humour technique part way through is not a good read. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 13:28, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

You are one of the two I meant, while I am on another continent with all-you-can-eat buffets and know nothing about the SNP. (If we get another Bush vs. Clinton, I am voting for the New Hampshire National Party.) Romartus has done a series of articles on British history, going all the way back. Spıke Ѧ 13:35 5-Apr-15

Would you like me to alter the paragraph to fit in with Romartus' humour style? Lord Castabarus (talk) 13:41, April 5, 2015 (UTC)
I would be delighted if you could do that.
Spike, I meant that my edit hardly counts as a development to the article and therefore only one person has written the article, Romartus. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 13:43, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

Yes, L.C. Always try to ensure that your contributions read as a part of the articles to which you contribute. The important thing is not that everyone pitch in but that the reader get a page that doesn't jump around on him. Spıke Ѧ 13:44 5-Apr-15

edit User:Lord Castabarus/Government Communications Headquarters‎

Again, it doesn't matter what you call this article while it's in your userspace, but it again looks like a made-up department that no one will look up in our or any other encyclopedia. If you want to take the existing British department regulating publicity or the press and cast it as an anti-porn agency, that is fine; but it is better than inventing one out of whole cloth.

By now, you should be seeing a Move button at the top of pages, with which to change their names (although, again, there is no rush). Anytime you do so, the old name lives on as a pointer to the article at the new name. You should learn how to use QVFD to request its deletion, and practice by asking for the deletion of the one about your high school, if you still think you won't take it any further. Spıke Ѧ 13:58 5-Apr-15

Spike, the agency exists: and is listed in a page on this wiki about British intelligence organisations, just the page about this specific organisation doesn't exist yet. Lord Castabarus (talk) 14:18, April 5, 2015 (UTC)
Spike doesn't know everything. Don't worry about changing its name. It's a good start to the article. Keep going. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:44, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

I know, he's not from the UK. I didn't mean to say that the way I did. I apologize, Spike. I was in a hurry to post it. Thanks Scott. Lord Castabarus (talk) 14:47, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

There was no problem with the way you said it, no need to apologise. Sir ScottPat (converse) White Ensign Scotland Flag 1 Compassrose VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:50, April 5, 2015 (UTC)
I stand corrected; carry on. Spıke Ѧ 14:51 5-Apr-15

edit UnNews:Easter sermon focuses on persecuting non-believers

That is a masterful misreading of a headline in order to form the basis for a good UnNews! I have shortened the headline as, unlike the editor of your Source, I don't think a headline needs to spell out all the details.

Now, in the text, never write "It has been reported" in an UnNews. Do not write a report that something has been reported. Just report the bloody thing! "The police are investigating the matter." is another comedy no-op. Unless this thought is leading somewhere, or unless you can make it do so, rip it out.

As we say in How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, swearing is never funny on its own, with the possible exception of an article so deadpan that the reader isn't expecting it at all. In this UnNews, the swearing is not funny at all, and ruins the impression that one is reading a real news article (whose contents just happen to be absurd). And the reference to pedo priests is trite. Every mention of priests does not have to lead to altarboy-abuse, but you tend to want to segue everything to sex. It's not against any rule, but the reader has to see a connection or it's not going to be funny. Spıke Ѧ 18:00 5-Apr-15

edit User:Lord Castabarus/Government Communications Headquarters

The previous section meant, I am happy to prepare a graphic for that UnNews but it needs more work. However, rather than improve that piece about rapists and pedo priests, you went on to mainspace this article about rapers [sic] and pedo priests. Neither rapers nor pedo priests is automatically funny. If you want to show why a UK department relates to rapers, feel free to do so. Otherwise, pick an actual humor concept and finish the development of this article before putting it back in the encyclopedia. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 15:56 8-Apr-15

I'm prioritizing at the moment. I'll get round to these things shortly. Putting off the UnNews article for now while think up some ideas. Lord Castabarus (talk) 18:06, April 8, 2015 (UTC)

No rush — just not rapers or pedo priests — unless you can make it make sense. Spıke Ѧ 18:08 8-Apr-15

edit The Beatles

I found it obvious why Shmood3000 deleted what he did. Also, he has mostly been in charge of this article since 2012. Yes, it would be nice if he wrote Edit Summaries. Perhaps he won't even read yours. Spıke Ѧ 18:26 8-Apr-15

I see, but indeed, edit summaries would be appreciated when removing large text Lord Castabarus (talk) 19:29, April 8, 2015 (UTC)

edit Audiophile

Your edit here was a big improvement away from a list.

Your edit to Windows 8 was not: It added a list, and the other stuff was mostly (valid) criticism, which you are welcome to do, but you must give it humor beyond the simple real-world humor of a "shitty" product. Add original comedy. See HTBFANJS for lots of suggested strategies.

Separately, please get in the habit of clicking Preview to see how your edits will look, then keep editing until you get to a good stopping point before clicking Save. This will let you write the same thing but record fewer official edits to the wiki. Spıke Ѧ 13:36 12-Apr-15

edit Name change

Regarding your edit to your user page, you can change your user name, not by contacting Admins but by contacting our webhost. Instructions are at the top of User talk:Sannse. Spıke Ѧ 16:00 12-Apr-15

Thanks Spike, I've been looking for this for a while now. Lord Castabarus (talk) 16:21, April 12, 2015 (UTC)

edit Don't feed the trolls

I appreciate the help patrolling Uncyclopedia against vandals. Yesterday's visitor was a recurring guest, whom I obviously once told to read How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid and who took it personally, which was a good thing except for the way he reacted.

In these cases, please do not give the vandal the impression, such as through Change Summaries, that he is getting under anyone's skin. That will make him return for more, even though his edits don't survive. Spıke Ѧ 12:19 13-Apr-15

I know a troll when I see one, but I'm still getting used to the way Wikis work. It would seem I'm far too lenient. In future I'll just revert the edits of trolls and not leave a comment. Thanks. (talk) 13:01, April 13, 2015 (UTC)

No, feel free to explain your change in the Change Summary; just not your feelings toward the vandal! Spıke Ѧ 14:09 13-Apr-15

An unrelated question, how do I customize my signature text? Lord Castabarus (talk) 13:01, April 13, 2015 (UTC)

Complete instructions on this are at UN:SIG. Spıke Ѧ 13:11 13-Apr-15

edit Debug (film)

If you would use the Move button next time rather than copy-pasting, it will preserve your edit history. For example, you could then get at any text you had deleted but decided you want back. I presume you no longer need the copy in your userspace? Spıke Ѧ 10:37 18-Apr-15

I'll be sure to keep that in mind for the future. Yep, I'll be working on it directly in the article from now on. Thanks! Lord Castabarus (talk) 11:09, April 18, 2015 (UTC)

edit Cornell University‎

I saw the same section-blanking as you did, but I let it go, because the section wasn't much good. "Extension campus in Qatar, they must be jihadists!" etc. Okay to restore it, but do you have any ideas for it? (Other then pedo priests.) Spıke Ѧ 21:56 18-Apr-15

Nah, I did have a crack at improving it but it was too fucked for me to save. Lord Castabarus (talk) 07:12, April 19, 2015 (UTC)

edit Kim Jong-un

If there is something in the day's news that prompted you to write this section, you should do it up as an UnNews rather than an episode in this article, which I deleted, because the preceding section reported on the dictator's death. Spıke Ѧ 17:38 20-Apr-15

Actually it reported the death of his bodyguard. Lord Castabarus (talk) 18:47, April 20, 2015 (UTC)

Oops, wise but true. You are right to revert me. But try to give this more than the old strikethrough he-said-this-but-he-meant-this deal. Spıke Ѧ 19:27 20-Apr-15

edit Writing contest

There is almost a week left in our Surprise Me! Spring Festival, if you want to enter late. Spıke Ѧ 18:59 27-Apr-15

edit Edexcel

Kill the initial quotation! Not encyclopedic, not funny, not attributed to anyone in particular. Don't start the article with your own wisecrack on your own work, before you have delivered any actual comedy! Spıke Ѧ 18:09 13-May-15

edit Award time

Very sorry for such lateness, but here you are, you have been declared...

Noobaward Noob of the Moment Summer 2015

Congratulations! Anton (talk) 19:24, August 19, 2015 (UTC)

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