User talk:Lollipop
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In which, on August 30 2010, our hero becomes a member of Uncyclopedia. • Mcpee is welcomed by TKF. • RabbiTechno helps out Mcpee. • Aleister and Mordillo give opinions on Fuck ChiefjusticeDS sequels. • Puppy and Lyrithya convince Mcpee not to (ahem) retire. • Help with 2012:The Game. • Bevanz gives Mcpee his first pee review. • Mcpee meets Magic man and Another n00b. • Gallery of Uncyclopedia Art. • Back in the day when I was terrible at signatures. • Aleister's alter ego Joanie fair shows up. • Mcpee creates a sock and gets banned for 6 hours. • Puppy acts like a snotty cunt and makes everyone aware that he is not banned. • Aleister's granny and Megan Fox keep Mcpee company...if yaknowhatimean. • Bevanz and Puppy convince Mcpee to end ManiacOTM. • Lollipop meets Shabidoo for the first time. • Bevanz and Puppy make art for the Gallery. • Some guy named Omnifluff confuses Mcpee for Magee. • Maniac vs. Maniac...the ultimate showdown. • Upon losing both Maniac vs. Maniac, and the trust and respect of many Uncyclopedians, Mcpee considers a name change. • Mcpee slowly morphs into Lollipop. •
In Maniac mcpee becomes Lollipop. Socky, aware of this fact, gives him a silly welcome as he dosen't need it. • The Lollipop Shop opens. • Lollipop participates in the Happy Monkey competition and writes Fly (insect) • Makes sigs for both Shabidoo and Another n00b. • Vandalism party. • Another n00b and Magic man take turns singing gibberish poems. • Shabidoo and Lollipop work on Stupid Cats.•
In which Bob Newbie, a sockpuppet of Novel, comes briefly and then gets banned. • Lollipop creates a wiki called Smakapedia, which comes and goes. • Lollipop gets the Feather in the Hat award and becomes a KUN. • Lollipop and Another n00b work on 2012 II • A new user by the name of Peachess decides to bother Lollipop. • Lollipop takes a 3 day sabbatical. • Another n00b gets banned indefinitely for making vandal sockpuppets, the ban is later changed to one month. • Kevillips offers to help with UncyclopediaTV. • Magic man noms Lollipop on VFS, but nobody cares. • Trar returns to fix up Grueslayer, and Lollipop joins the working. • Magic man, Aleister and Jack attempt to stop another archive, but all fails. •
In which some IP (also known as Meteo) gets mad at Lollipop, bringing up the whole 'welcome contreversy'. • Kevillips and Lollipop talk Canada. • Lollipop almost makes a bot, but decides to shelve the plans. • Lollipop welcomes fellow Canadian Mattsnow to the fold. • Another n00b returns, whines about ED, then gets banned forever. • Lollipop recieves his first ban as Lollipop, by Skully. • An eggie drive by. • Lollipop declares himself the male Zana Dark. • Lollipop fixes Shabidoo's sig up. • Lollipop turns 18 years old on May 2nd, party. • Lollipop breifly changes his sig to a new "Chupa Chups" style sig, then goes back to purple. • Lollipop, Mattsnow, and Shabidoo all haver a politicial discussion. • Stupid Cats is nommed for VFH, Lollipop's first article to be nommed since Fuck ChiefjusticeDS in October 2010. •
In which Fudgemobile asks for a sig, but does not like it. Skully disallows Lollipop to make other users sigs unless they ask for it. • Mimo reveals the true identity of the real Mimo and Maxus. • Doughnuts and Toronto conversation between Shabidoo and Lollipop. • Another n00b fails at creating a vandal sockpuppet. • PoopManPoop joins Uncyclopedia, then asks Lollipop to help him out. • Another Lollidiscussion between Kevillips and Lollipop. • TheHumbucker takes over as UnNews czar. • Lollipop makes a sig for PoopManPoop. • Lyrithya forbids the font tag. • Lyrithya's cat has kittens. • Kevillips starts the Comedy Portal, and Lollipop adds a few articles to it. •
In which Kevillips and Lollipop work on Abbott and Costello. • Shabidoo hears about that thing. • A brief talkpage drought, and a brief talkpage parade. • Cat the Colourful becomes a Lollibuddy. • Bevanz comes back from the dead, to find that so many changes have been made. • Lollipop's UnBook gets nominated for VFH, but fails. • Mattsnow, Kevilips, and Lollipop discuss creating a Canadian themed article. Todd Lyons joins in nearly a month later. • Puppy admits why he never stuck by as a temporary op. • Aleister steals Lollipop's money. • The evil Killer froggy captures Lyrithya. Shabidoo and Lollipop rescue her. • Lolipop or Lollipop? • Hahaha poo bum wee. • Equivamp returns to talk about ED and Another n00b. • Canada Day 2011. • Lollipop finally gets a feature credit with Inbox. It is a half feature. • HALP! HALP! HALP! • Lollipop helps Aimsplode with his signature. •
In which Lollipop helps Aimsplode with sigs. • Another talkpage drought. • Aimsplode discovers the past of the lolly. • Another n00b reveals that the many socks are not his. • Forrest Fire Week 2011: 142 articles gives Lollipop a 5th place medal. • Hindleyite asks Lollipop to remove the FFW template on Illogicopedia, the article later gets featured. • Lollipop threatens to quit, and it becomes the last of the attention whoring days. • Aimsplode calls Lollipop a girl. • Lollipop joins and quits Fantasy Football • UNmarine777 becomes the first noob adopted by Lollipop. • Meteo the troll returns to finish what he started. Hilarity ensures. • Lollipop adopts his second noob, Crankygrandmaz. • Mnid drops by. • Oustanding citizen begins his bitching tyrade. •
 Nominated Lollipop of the MonthThis user has been nominated for Lollipop of the month—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Lollipop of the Month.
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edit A new beginning
Ah. More room. Before there was less oxygen to breath, the room felt tight. Now everybody's left. And it's so breezy and fresh. *Takes off clothes and lies by a fan and sighs in a creepy way* --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 12 September 2011, at 02:35
edit Userpages
They are kind of personal space; folks can generally do whatever they want with them, within reason (say, not messing up the overall site interface, for instance)... so if someone doesn't want a GotM template there, that's really their call - no need to revert them. Cheers. ~ 
02:53, 12 September 2011
- I understand what a userspace is. No need to explain it to me. Notice I didn't revert him the second time. Why are you slowly turning from a fun nonsensical user into some drab unfunny wiki admin? --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 12 September 2011, at 02:57
- Well, my point was that you probably shouldn't have done so in the first place, but if you'd already figured that out, then nevermind. And mon, you want me to be a drab unfunny wiki admin. You do. You want it! ~ 03:12, 12 September 2011
- Well, my point was that you probably shouldn't have done so in the first place, but if you'd already figured that out, then nevermind. And mon, you want me to be a drab unfunny wiki admin. You do. You want it! ~
edit RE:
I have been nothing but respectful to all users on here. As far as pages go, any I have marked for deletion were done with the best interest of the userbase as a whole in mind. Outstanding citizen 03:39, September 12, 2011 (UTC)
- What you don't realize is you're not making Uncyclopedia a better place, you're just creating more work for users to revert your edits. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 12 September 2011, at 03:41
- Most of my edits remain on the site, seeing as most of my work has been done on the talk space and reverting legitimate edits on talk pages is considered vandalism. Outstanding citizen 03:42, September 12, 2011 (UTC)
edit A Little Help
Comrade! .I need your help a stupid Person vandalize my page! --
- I'll revert him, but please read this. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 14 September 2011, at 01:17
edit The UnSignpost: Now with free bacon!
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
September 15th, 2011 • Issue 138 •My News Hungers for Justice
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Poo and Pee
 As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants. The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple.  The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron". The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot. Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia
 In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia. "I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*" The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad. The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS. "I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya." |
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edit colab
hey man...i just noticed the thing u put on my page. lets do that colab after pls! okay? asdfsegjwpeofgjiwepoji --ShabiDOO 02:21, September 15, 2011 (UTC)
- It's finished and on pee. Too late bud. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 15 September 2011, at 03:02
edit Message Reply
comrade this is right way to replay message?--Red October 19:05, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
edit Spam
Get on IRC, I only have Lyrithya to talk to, do you have any idea what that is like??? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 
02:04, September 17, 2011 (UTC)
edit Random!
Why did you delete mine? —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 99.41.241.57 (talk • contribs)
- Because it was crap, and didn't fit the article. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 18 September 2011, at 23:49
edit Hey bitchcocksuckingfaggothead
You don't decide who's fired --
11:57, September 19, 2011 (UTC)
- The Mimo trap worked like a charm. Now, captured Mimo, dance! Dance I say! -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 20 September 2011, at 01:11
edit Pee ready!
It was satisfying to pee all over it, I hope that helps! Feel free to contact me for further help. 
Mattsnow 03:09, September 20, 2011 (UTC)
edit Proposition
Relax, it's not a sexual thing. (Unless, you want it to be?) Anyways, I was wondering if you’d like to enter the collaboration part of the PLS together. I’ve been working on a fake forum for a while that I’ll put in my user space tomorrow (or the next day). Most of the writing is done, but I’ll need your expertise in making the various signatures involved plus various "other" comments. Basically, I’d like this article to appear to be like a serious “real” forum called "Dear Uncyclopedia", with a few random users posting stupid shit. If possible, we could hijack other users sigs and their typical comments for authenticity e.g. lyrithya’s *shifty eyes* and aimsplodes various “fuck you” related comments. Anyways, let me know if your interested, I think it'll be right up your alley. I’ll bail you up again when I’ve loaded the main parts of the article. Flarpen Snerpal Hausen! —The preceding unsigned comment was added by HauntedUndies (talk • contribs)
- What the...? Since when am I interested in vandalizing people's sigs and using them incorrectly? That's a bannable offense. And speaking of signatures, you forgot to use yours. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 21 September 2011, at 21:20
- Hey there, sorry about the confusion. I’m going to explain myself a bit better now. So here goes. The article I was thinking about doing was a fake forum archive thing, not an actual forum, but one in the main space that was a blatant fake. It was about some dweeb-o-zoid who posts un-Uncyclopdedia related questions in a forum while other users try to answer them. Eventually all civility breaks down and it turns into a big flame war. The reasons I thought you may be interesting in helping is a) You’re pretty handy with making sigs and b)You know your way round the forums. The bulk of the forum was meant to be done by fake users which I was hoping you’d do the sigs for. You made a good point though about the sig hijacking thing, it’s probably not the smartest thing to do. It was only an idea to make the forum seem more authentic but if it causes banning and shit fights I think I won’t bother. Toodles. I understand and I wish to continue. . 10:35, September 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey there, sorry about the confusion. I’m going to explain myself a bit better now. So here goes. The article I was thinking about doing was a fake forum archive thing, not an actual forum, but one in the main space that was a blatant fake. It was about some dweeb-o-zoid who posts un-Uncyclopdedia related questions in a forum while other users try to answer them. Eventually all civility breaks down and it turns into a big flame war. The reasons I thought you may be interesting in helping is a) You’re pretty handy with making sigs and b)You know your way round the forums. The bulk of the forum was meant to be done by fake users which I was hoping you’d do the sigs for. You made a good point though about the sig hijacking thing, it’s probably not the smartest thing to do. It was only an idea to make the forum seem more authentic but if it causes banning and shit fights I think I won’t bother. Toodles. I understand and I wish to continue.
edit Mister Pop.
It`s poo lit surprise time. I think it`s pretty colourful, and so I think it could be fun to par-ti-ci-pa-te (correct me if I wrote it wrong). I altough has no ideas. Sad. As I think you are pretty like a user who has nothing to do, (ehehehehe) I wanted to ask you to mar... join with me to the Best Collaboration-thing. (I copied that) I hope you`d answer to me. And fast. Or else... Wonder where your refrigerator is? OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:26 21 September 2011
- I might do that for two reasons. One, you asked nicely. And two, you got my gender correct, as a lot of idiots seem to think i'm a woman. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 21 September 2011, at 21:25
-- 21:59, September 21, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't have a Ms. Pop yet (maybe in a few years, we'll cross that bridge when we get there). Also, my sig has a demon on it. Girls don't like demons. If you continue to call me a girl, i'll create Creepypasta-esque articles that will haunt you. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 21 September 2011, at 22:02
edit User:EpicNinjaMonkey/McBrick
Hey, any particular reason why you userspaced this? ~ 22:53, 21 September 2011
- I should of ICU'ed it, but I was in a bit of a rush. Sorry about that. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 21 September 2011, at 23:15
edit Brought to you by Lion Bars! It's the UnSignpost!
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
September 22nd, 2011 • Issue 139 •Lion Bars, so many Lion Bars.
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Lion Bar Week
 All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"! Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won. All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars. Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue. News from the Forums
You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter. The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right. The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die. |
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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:42, September 22, 2011 (UTC)
edit I just read your Christmas Unpoetia
This is great! There are a few flaws in the last 2 paragraphs, as well as 1 or 2 typos, but it really is cool! The best thing I read from you so far, man. Mattsnow 07:49, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
- The Satanbear idea dates back to May. I proposed the idea to TKF and emc on IRC, and they both warned me not to do it. I finally decided to do it. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 23 September 2011, at 18:54
- It's pretty awesome! Could you send a welcome message to this user? I'm afraid he/she was forgotten since I sent him/her a message first yesterday. User talk:Karlita. Mattsnow 21:10, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
- I welcomed Karlita. Also, my Christmas unpoetia is on Pee Review, just saying. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 23 September 2011, at 21:25
- Thanks. I think you should rework the last 2 paragraphs a bit, the rest is just awesome, man! Mattsnow 21:43, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Did it cause any lack of sleep for you? Did the image and story give you any sort of nightmares? If so, I should write more into this genre. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 23 September 2011, at 21:57
- Not at all, it was pretty funny, but I mean the prose was very good! That normally is your weak point. No nightmares for me, though. Mattsnow 22:02, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
- Can you pee it? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 23 September 2011, at 22:18
- I'm afraid I'm not experienced enough with English poetry to review it efficiently, but you should get Lyrithya to read it, she was on IRC 15 minutes ago, I think she may be impressed. Mattsnow 23:19, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm afraid I'm not experienced enough with English poetry to review it efficiently, but you should get Lyrithya to read it, she was on IRC 15 minutes ago, I think she may be impressed.
- Can you pee it? --
- Not at all, it was pretty funny, but I mean the prose was very good! That normally is your weak point. No nightmares for me, though.
- Did it cause any lack of sleep for you? Did the image and story give you any sort of nightmares? If so, I should write more into this genre. --
- Thanks. I think you should rework the last 2 paragraphs a bit, the rest is just awesome, man!
- I welcomed Karlita. Also, my Christmas unpoetia is on Pee Review, just saying. --
- It's pretty awesome! Could you send a welcome message to this user? I'm afraid he/she was forgotten since I sent him/her a message first yesterday. User talk:Karlita.
edit Stomp, stomp, the Poo Lit Comp, Dodododo Poo Lit Comp. Stomp, stomp...
Aye. You said yes, `cuz I asked nicely and said you`re a mister. (I apologize that. I said mister without even thinking of you could not be a mister. Clad you were a mister. Sure I`m clad.) `Cuz competitions needs articles to compate about, I made some cheesy ideas. Pick up a choice. The choise is yours. And so on.
- Idea n.1: My cat is a reincarnation of Albert Einstein!
- Idea n.2: My cat ate my Muffin!
- Idea n.3: My cat`s holiday vacation on Canada!
- Idea n.4: My cat is a douchbag!
- Idea n.5: Painis Cupcake
Remember, the choice is yours. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 09:59 24 September 2011
- UPDATE: I got a new, original and better idea. My cats made this idea. And iiiiiiiiiiiiit iiiiiiiisssssssss...
Sounds good, ha? Take whatever you want. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:18 24 September 2011
- Do me a favour and come back when you've taken your meds. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 24 September 2011, at 19:28
- Sorry, sorry... Forgot my pills. I`ll always forget my pills. Those pills that just keeps tasting like tuna. My tunaflavoured pills. Hmm...
- Oh, sorry again. I`m really sorry about that. `Cuz I simply can`t be sane even for a while, do me a favour and make better ideas. The comp is starting to come to it`s end, and we have to be frickin fast is we can made our article. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:19 25 September 2011
edit Hi
So I see you have warn me about sockpuppeteering and the like. I understand what you are saying. First of all, which admin have you notified? I would like to know. Second of all, what started this, anyway? So those are my two questions. Do not kill me until further notice, please. 23:19, September 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Lollipop and myself have notified several admins on IRC and they do share his suspicion. As for who started this whole thing, I did please read this as it covers why I suspected this in the first place. If you do however maintain you are not a sockpuppet, there are ways of proving it without simple circumstantial evidence. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:50, September 24, 2011 (UTC)
edit sox
Please do not add {{sock}} without proof. I know it looks that way but yeah don't just yet. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:47, September 24, 2011 (UTC)
- We have all the proof we need. He's already admitted in fear that the said sock is a neighbour of his. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 24 September 2011, at 23:50
- That's not admitting it, thats a piss poor excuse that I'm afraid most would give the benefit of the doubt over. To avoid drama. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:53, September 24, 2011 (UTC)
- That's what I meant, he seems to think he will easily get away with it. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 25 September 2011, at 00:19
- Which leaves no evidence! He's story indicates that a check user will show the same IP and therefore unless we claim he's lying nothing can be done. But if we do that, we run the slight risk he's actually telling the truth. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 00:21, September 25, 2011 (UTC)
- In his story, he claims the neighbour (which is supposed to be Blatant Lacking) is against him and is somehow internet stalking him. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 25 September 2011, at 00:40
- LOL, if my neighbor was internet stalking me and I knew it was him, he would get a little knock on the door! What a stupid story, really, he expected someone to believe that? As Lyrithya say, these trolls love the attention, but I find them quite entertaining. Mattsnow 09:49, September 25, 2011 (UTC)
- LOL, if my neighbor was internet stalking me and I knew it was him, he would get a little knock on the door! What a stupid story, really, he expected someone to believe that? As Lyrithya say, these trolls love the attention, but I find them quite entertaining.
- In his story, he claims the neighbour (which is supposed to be Blatant Lacking) is against him and is somehow internet stalking him. --
- Which leaves no evidence! He's story indicates that a check user will show the same IP and therefore unless we claim he's lying nothing can be done. But if we do that, we run the slight risk he's actually telling the truth. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
- That's what I meant, he seems to think he will easily get away with it. --
- That's not admitting it, thats a piss poor excuse that I'm afraid most would give the benefit of the doubt over. To avoid drama. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
Mon, Frosty's right. A lot of times when folks do that kind of thing all they're really after is attention, so templating and charging in gung-ho-like may seem like a good idea, but it's only apt to just justify what they're doing... or prove quite awkward if it turns out you're wrong. On the other hand, it also doesn't help matters when it turns out there may really be a serious concern, for that matter. If you've suspicions or evidence, please take it to an admin in the future and let them deal with it. ~ 08:43, 25 September 2011
- Lyrithya: The thing is, a few admins have already been notified about this. The problem is, nothing is being done. We have enough proof it'sMnid, such as adding span tags to Mnid's userpage, and responding in the exact same way as Mnid on his talkpage before removing it. Have I forgot to mention his signature looks strikingly familiar to Mnid's. Mnid is doing a terrible job as a sockpuppeteer, and right now it looks as the admins are just sitting on the carpet enjoying his little puppet show. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 25 September 2011, at 19:13
edit Oscar Wilde quotes
OK, got it. Looks like Oscar Wilde quotes are passe now. Thanks for the info. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Naveenswiki (talk • contribs)
edit Brewers
Why do you feel the need to make the quotes unfunny? Uncyclopedia sports team pages MAKE FUN OF THEM, not try to make the team sound good. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Jimmythegambler (talk • contribs)
- I'm sorry, were you looking for Encyclopedia Dramatica? Uncyclopedia dosen't call them gay and make lame sexuality jokes, we make fun of them in a satrical way. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 25 September 2011, at 21:47
- And I'm sorry that you're a dumbass because there are no sexuality jokes whatsoever. Oh and for future reference, there's another I in satirical, it's not satrical. -- —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Jimmythegambler (talk • contribs)
edit UnNews
plz add it :) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:32, September 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Will do. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 26 September 2011, at 22:32
- I moved it here: User:Lollipop/UnNews:Some guy dies, people sad, as you may know, I am the designated editor of UnNews, I like this one, but it's a tad too short... Mattsnow 00:34, September 27, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm starting to get a bit annoyed with Uncyclopedia. That's the point of the article, it's short. Do you really think i'd make a short article because I forgot to finish it? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 27 September 2011, at 01:25
- Alright, just put it back up then. You're talking like I am not trying to help you, but when I try, like a 10KB Pee review, you just ignore it. Go ahead, put it back up, I'm tired of that crap. Mattsnow 01:45, September 27, 2011 (UTC)
I don't know why the hell i'm putting an effort into doing articles anyway, if nobody is going to appareciate it. I spend hour by hour reverting idiots who can't bother to do something else with their time other than blank pages, adding a template to save an article that will probably be abandoned in seven days, and adding shit articles to a place that gets updated every six hours and clicking the refresh button nonstop on recent changes. I'm tired of that. I've been here for a fucking year, and yet i'm still Johnny the noobish attention whore. Nobody realizes how much work I put into being on this wiki now, as I really shouldn't be spending so much time editing some so-called humour wiki. I put my best effort into all I do, such as writing articles, reverting vandals, nd doing other tasks. While yet it seems to be some sort of honour to get your articles featured, when it's really all rigged and biased. Don't believe me? Explain how all of Lyrithya's articles are featured? Some of them are good, some are not that special. Yet they get put on the top of the fridge where all the little munchkins can worship them. Then, we have little piggish admins who go about clogging up the ban logs by joke banning each other, they don't even focus when a real vandal outbreak occurs. Uncyclopedia is digging a very deep hole for itself and should turn it's name to Wikipedia Jr. I'm not going to stand for any of this biased, irritating, and non-credadential crap anymore. Users seem to be too much in their own little world to notice all the hard work I do. So, Uncyclopedia, go ahead and laugh at me, and continue making your unfunny biased articles and continue to see your user joining decrease and maybe one day you'll realize what i've done for you. But you've had your chance. It's too late. I quit.haet haet hat -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 27 September 2011, at 01:58
- It sure dosn't take much to lit your fuse! I never laughed at you or anything, I have always been trying to help you, and now you quit over an article I just told you is okay? Blame it on me all you want, I am cool with you from the day I got here! I even salvaged one of your UnNews UnNews:Nicolas Cage is a vampire because I did not want to piss you off by removing it, because an admin didn't like it. Not very nice of you to make me look like I disrespected you or something. Mattsnow 02:17, September 27, 2011 (UTC)
It's not you, it's Uncyclopedia as a whole. I don't get the respect here I deserve.WAAAAA I want attention -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 27 September 2011, at 02:19
- I guess that's why you won Uncyclopedian of the Month last month? If people didn't recognize your work, why would they have voted for you? Come on, stop the drama, don't quit, bro. Mattsnow 02:23, September 27, 2011 (UTC)
- I moved it back on mainspace, I realize it is funny, although it is short. Everyone can make small mistakes :) Mattsnow 03:28, September 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey Lolipop...I just noticed this. You are being very silly. Of course people on this website appreciate the work you do. You were voted UOM. ChiefJustice wrote a biopic on you (and his biopics may make jokes, but only because he believes that you are worthy of making jokes of). So what...a small handful of very stupid and insecure people have tried to trash you (so I have heard) on IRC and have questioned your writing skills. Brush comments like that away and move on. Go ahead and be an attention whore, as long as its funny and try to limit the non-funny provking kind (which we are all guilty of doing sometimes). What are you doing on IRC anyways?
- The voting system is rigged, of course, it is. People don't just vote on articles because they like them, but also because that member is part of a circle of writers who like each others style, get pee reviews from each other and comments and support on their writing and joke around with each other. Naturally those articles will be voted for not solely for its content and humour level. Its no different in competitions, opping admins, drama fests and banning. It's pretty much like every day life. It's all semi-rigged.
- The admins banning each other all the time is not universally loved, but it seems to be something the admins really really really love doing. Let them have it. If you became an admin, you'd probably do it too.
- I moved it back on mainspace, I realize it is funny, although it is short. Everyone can make small mistakes :)
- I guess that's why you won Uncyclopedian of the Month last month? If people didn't recognize your work, why would they have voted for you? Come on, stop the drama, don't quit, bro.
- It sure dosn't take much to lit your fuse! I never laughed at you or anything, I have always been trying to help you, and now you quit over an article I just told you is okay? Blame it on me all you want, I am cool with you from the day I got here! I even salvaged one of your UnNews UnNews:Nicolas Cage is a vampire because I did not want to piss you off by removing it, because an admin didn't like it. Not very nice of you to make me look like I disrespected you or something.
- Alright, just put it back up then. You're talking like I am not trying to help you, but when I try, like a 10KB Pee review, you just ignore it. Go ahead, put it back up, I'm tired of that crap.
- I'm starting to get a bit annoyed with Uncyclopedia. That's the point of the article, it's short. Do you really think i'd make a short article because I forgot to finish it? --
- I moved it here: User:Lollipop/UnNews:Some guy dies, people sad, as you may know, I am the designated editor of UnNews, I like this one, but it's a tad too short...
- This site is particuarily great because you can get feed back from other users...use that. Listen to what people say about your articles instead of taking it as a trashing. If you take it personally you just become insecure about yourself, which is what other insecure people want. And you never improve your writing...which is the worst result.
- And finally my son, remember to pray to our great lord Pargalek, the devine creator of the alternate universe, who is the patron of commedy writing, suicide and French pastries. Offer him a croisant as a sacrafice to his great presence and you will become a great writer...the greatest writers all end their lives early, as no one can ever understand their pain no matter how many Crem Brullees they eat. --ShabiDOO 21:23, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I agree to a degree, but I don't think vfh is rigged. I mean, I had articles that went featured in 5 days and some like UnNews:Obama: "Iran will have a nuke by 2167!" who is currently getting trashed. Nobody really cares who writes the articles, (I think). Aleister also got some of his articles destroyed and the important thing is that we like what we write and have fun while doing it, if not, this site is really pointless if we spend an extra 2 hours a day "working" and not having fun. And yes, Lollipop is appreciated. BTW, I added a joke on the Jobs article, do you like it, Lollipop? Mattsnow 21:43, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- That is why I said semi-rigged my friend. I doubt just about anyone here does it conciously...but there are voting patterns, across the whole sight. I would actually find it strange if there werent. It will be the topic of my next non-fiction book "uncyclopedia and its unconcious voting patterns: an analysis of meme based structure hegemony"...which will become famous and put me on NYTimes 5,000 most influential books of the year.
- I agree to a degree, but I don't think vfh is rigged. I mean, I had articles that went featured in 5 days and some like UnNews:Obama: "Iran will have a nuke by 2167!" who is currently getting trashed. Nobody really cares who writes the articles, (I think). Aleister also got some of his articles destroyed and the important thing is that we like what we write and have fun while doing it, if not, this site is really pointless if we spend an extra 2 hours a day "working" and not having fun. And yes, Lollipop is appreciated. BTW, I added a joke on the Jobs article, do you like it, Lollipop?
edit Hold onto your wage packets! It's the UnSignpost!
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
September 29th, 2011 • Issue 140 •A Periodical for the Uncyclopedian of tomorrow, today!
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Poo Underway
 What's that you say? We can't possibly run a story on the Poo Lit Surprise for a third consecutive week? Well what on earth gave you that idea? No this story is about the other goings on on Uncyclopedia that certainly aren't the Poo Lit Surprise, which incidentally is happening at the moment. So for absolutely no real reason we called in to speak to Oliphaunte who we found crying his eyes out somewhere that most certainly wasn't the PLS. "It's just so unfair" he sobbed to our wholly unsympathetic reporters "I worked so hard and now on a technicality I have had two articles disqualified from the-" Unfortunately a huge Rhinocerous then appeared from nowhere and ate Oliphaunte before he could tell us what he had been disqualified from; much to the delight of our assembled reporters who could all now knock off work forty minutes early. However an interesting fact that we did dig up is that if Oliphaunte had been disqualified from the PLS, something which we can't confirm, it would make him the first Uncyclopedian to ever be disqualified from two separate PLS categories, for the same reason, in the same day. Ha ha ha, how embarrassing that would be. It has also come to the attention of our editorial team that there is a worrying noob shortage on Uncyclopedia, how do they know this? They know this because on passing the PLS page on our way to... peace and quiets we happened to notice that there are currently no entrants for the best noob article category, something which any aspiring new users should take note of, since you need only churn out a piece of utter This story has been all about the PLS, we totally fooled you. Shame and VFH
 The headline says it all. The shame that we all should feel for the state of things and the location of that shame. This is the news that VFH hit a new and highly interesting low this week. All five of you who visited the page may well have noticed the banner at the top (which is gone now, in a transparent attempt to stop me having something else to ramble about this week) declaring that while we aren't short on articles that the community thinks are worthy of a spot on the front page, we are short of a community to confirm this. Well no we aren't it's just they are all very very busy. Frosty for instance is exceptionally busy creating and maintaining forums like this, while Aimsplode is still desperately flogging the deceased equine that is this... thing. Clearly these people are not to be distracted by the social niceties of voting and the creative process. Another, much more interesting revelation this week came when TheHappySpaceman declared his hatred of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which polls show has recently become more popular among Uncyclopedians than www.pornforsadlonelybastards.com. We didn't bother asking him for comment, partly because laziness is next to Godliness but also because he hates ponies so is unlikely to find a group of journalists asking him for quotes about the same any more enjoyable. So there you have it, TheHappySpaceman hates ponies and nobody is voting on VFH. Truly these are the darkest of days. |
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01:14, September 29, 2011 (UTC)
edit A Blue Letter Day or week whatever
Okay Lolipop lets get down to buisness.when do you want to an article or something I know with you canadians have an abundace of time with your cars with square wheels.Nevermind that stereotype and So what do you want to work on? (P.s remember when I said should I be scared of you,while taking a look at your userpage I really am!)UNmarine777 01:24, October 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Whatever's fine with you, i'll gladly write. Also, you should be extremely scared of me. Read this. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 2 October 2011, at 18:27
Want to do User:UNmarine777/Disaster Movies well yah I know I have been pressuring a little two much but everything needs a chance...well almost everything..almost everythingUNmarine777 05:53, October 4, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll read over it. Maybe i'll add some stuff if I happen to like it. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 4 October 2011, at 20:47
- thanks lolipop.Agent Double o777 22:19, October 4,
20112145 (UTC)- Okay, i've read the article. What you need to work on is puncuation, spelling, and using a comma. To me, it really wasn't that funny, it felt pretty dull and unoriginal. Please do not take it bad, as it's only suggestions. Also, please...capitalize...your...sentences, this isn't Facebook. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 4 October 2011, at 22:48
- Okay, i've read the article. What you need to work on is puncuation, spelling, and using a comma. To me, it really wasn't that funny, it felt pretty dull and unoriginal. Please do not take it bad, as it's only suggestions. Also, please...capitalize...your...sentences, this isn't Facebook. --
- I see what your saying.The reason why some of the begining of sentences is a long story.And can you tell which part needs a little boost?-- LtUNmarine777 00:13, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey loli can you tell me if this is funny enough to be put on mainspace?--User:UNmarine777/Camp RefugeeUNmarine777 22:42, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
edit Hey Lolilols
How is the summer ending for you my main sucker on a stick? I have a great idea! --ShabiDOO 16:36, October 3, 2011 (UTC)
- It's going fine. I'm interested to hear your idea. Does it have to do with Doritos? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 3 October 2011, at 20:40
- This is the idea: LETS GET THAT BLOODY ARTICLE FEATURED!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 02:39, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Which one? Stupid cats? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 6 October 2011, at 03:28
- No silly...Stupid Cats !!! :) :) :) --ShabiDOO 03:36, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Which one? Stupid cats? --
- This is the idea: LETS GET THAT BLOODY ARTICLE FEATURED!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 02:39, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
edit Vasco Rossi
Hey there! I want to join in the fun! Can I edit your work in progress page on viasco rossi? It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 03:12, October 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, I can't wait for a response. I'll make a bunch of changes in a single edit, and if you want to take things in a different direction, just revert me, okie dokie? It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 03:15, October 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Go right ahead. The more the merrier. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 5 October 2011, at 21:12
- Go right ahead. The more the merrier. --
edit You told me that you answered to me.
The problem here is that I didn`t find where you have answered. I`m very angry. And trust me, it`s not very nice. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:08 5 October 2011
- I answered you. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 5 October 2011, at 22:12
edit Hi
I'm a sockpuppet. An eggplant 02:17, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Of whom? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 6 October 2011, at 02:22
- You don't know? And I have so many other others, you'll nevr find them all. An eggplant 02:27, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm not interested in playing your little game. Don't know who you are, but impersonating banned users is a waste of time. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 6 October 2011, at 03:27
- Yes, good. But so is responding to them. An eggplant 04:18, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm actually not mrthejazz, but a sockpuppet as well. Really! I am! It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 04:37, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I was led to believe that uncyclopedia is the sockpuppet of ebay...but that might just be a rumour. What do you think? --ShabiDOO 04:49, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Everyone is a sockpuppet. After all, we're not real people. The real people are the people at the computer typing out what we say. So i'm a sockpuppet of the guy at the computer. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 6 October 2011, at 05:14
- Okay...Lollipop...I copied the article Stupid Cats to here. Could you go over the whole article and remove any sentence that is either 1. not funny or 2. not necessary. This article is REALLY hard to work with. Most of it is minimally funny and it goes all over the place. It would help a lot if you could give me your input like this. Okay!? --ShabiDOO 23:31, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Everyone is a sockpuppet. After all, we're not real people. The real people are the people at the computer typing out what we say. So i'm a sockpuppet of the guy at the computer. --
- I was led to believe that uncyclopedia is the sockpuppet of ebay...but that might just be a rumour. What do you think? --ShabiDOO 04:49, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm actually not mrthejazz, but a sockpuppet as well. Really! I am! It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 04:37, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- Yes, good. But so is responding to them. An eggplant 04:18, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm not interested in playing your little game. Don't know who you are, but impersonating banned users is a waste of time. --
- You don't know? And I have so many other others, you'll nevr find them all. An eggplant 02:27, October 6, 2011 (UTC)
edit A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost!
Just like Grandma used to make!
October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?
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It's all over!
Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced! I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal. But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever. JUDGES GET JUDGING, OR YOU'LL BE VERY VERY SORRY INEED!
The bitch is back!
 Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom! But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives. I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all. We're going to lose our precious talk pages!
Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money! Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page... |
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~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:35, October 7, 2011 (UTC)
edit *poke*
This is just a reminder that you offered to judge the PLS, wound up with your name on a section, and still haven't done it. Apparently the deadline for results is October 12th, so... uh, please do so before then, and stuff. Cheers. ~ 20:22, 8 October 2011
edit Meepsheep
I got led over to your talk page on ED, what the fuck is going on? Is Meepsheep being impersonated or something? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:00, October 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Nah, I doubt that. Unless he can prove it, then I don't believe him. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 9 October 2011, at 17:06
edit Damn
I've only been gone for like a month and next thing I knew your front page actually rocks and now you acting all mature. What else has been going on since my absence?--- 
20:19, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
- RAHB, Tom mayfair, and Hyperbole all came back. You missed the PLS. Not much besides that. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 11 October 2011, at 22:31
- Well, thats the last time I take a month off for awhile. Too many good stuff happening here.--- 22:36, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Real life occasionally pops back into my schedule, but i'll get in the mood of finding some unfinished articles I did and finally get around finishing them. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 11 October 2011, at 22:39
- You and me both. Wow, we're like brothers of something.--- 22:49, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
- You and me both. Wow, we're like brothers of something.---
- Real life occasionally pops back into my schedule, but i'll get in the mood of finding some unfinished articles I did and finally get around finishing them. --
- Well, thats the last time I take a month off for awhile. Too many good stuff happening here.---
edit Pretty much what I said to Guildy
- Hi, I just saw the scoring on the PLS articles. You are right by saying there were some awesome articles on there. That would be awesome if you could tell me in a nutshell what are your thoughts on User:Mattsnow/HowTo:Snowboard your way to awesomeness!. I worked a great deal on it and nobody put it in their top 5. No need for an in-depth piss session, just a couple of lines like you did for the other articles, if you'd be so kind. What doesn't work? Where to improve? What are my chances with the girl next door? Thanks Mattsnow 22:51, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
- It just kind of lags on and on and on. And on.
And onthe 'to awesomeness' part sort of skeetered my excitement away, the fact is, people usually like seeing something funny. Funny equals not so happy-ish ending. Unless it is sort of funny, or something like that. And on. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 11 October 2011, at 22:57
- It seems I'm just not funny. Thanks for telling me not so subtlely I'm not. When you want a Pee Review or somebody to help you, just go see somewhere else. Mattsnow 23:17, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
- That's not what I meant.
It's just I didn't like it. Just because I didn't find your article funny, dosen't mean you're not funny.Actually, why are you questioning your humour to me? I only have a half feature on an article that pretty much everybody did, while you are one of the oustanding writers here. Compared to you, my writing is like the burnt feces of a mauled toad. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 11 October 2011, at 23:25
- Be nice lollipop.--- 23:28, October 11, 2011 (UTC)
- Be nice lollipop.---
- That's not what I meant.
- It seems I'm just not funny. Thanks for telling me not so subtlely I'm not. When you want a Pee Review or somebody to help you, just go see somewhere else.
edit Sparta?
THIS IS NOT SPARTA!!!
Thanks for your vote. ; ) —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:13, 14 October 2011
edit Would you be a dear and...
Read this, You Have a Problem for me and then provide your input to me? Then I will post it in Pee Review. Dame 
GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 02:39, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Gladly. I will however munch a mango tree first, and then work my way to the article. Munch away! -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 October 2011, at 03:03
edit You are a faggot son
I'm sorry to say but you are a basement dwelling cunt licker who does nothing but help this shitty website. I have bots too you faggot, who you like me to use them? --StAmPeDo? 07:11, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Dude, fuck off and leave Lollipop alone.--- 07:14, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh you got a hate message too, I thought I was special. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:19, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- How come everyone else always gets hate mail and not me? I'm cool... I'm hip... I'm up in yo' face, down wit' it, yo......
>_<-- Sir "TheSlyPony" Invariably certifiable. Rap sheet. His greatest achievement (and bizarre obsession). 07:32 October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Hmmm, You got a point. Maybe you should do something that pisses people off. That usually works.--- 08:17, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- A scary cum eater visited my talk page yesterday. Although clearly complexed and disturbed, he at least had the merits of being slightly entertaining. LEAVE LOLLIPOP ALONE!!! Mattsnow 08:14, October 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Actually, I don't live in a basement. I go to university, occasionally go on Uncyc in between, go back, and party on the weekends. And you know why I like this website? Because they treat me nicely, I get good feedback, and I get a sense of enjoyment here. Something tells me you have unresolved issues you need to work out. However, blanking pages will only make it worse. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 October 2011, at 17:38
- Actually, I don't live in a basement. I go to university, occasionally go on Uncyc in between, go back, and party on the weekends. And you know why I like this website? Because they treat me nicely, I get good feedback, and I get a sense of enjoyment here. Something tells me you have unresolved issues you need to work out. However, blanking pages will only make it worse. --
- A scary cum eater visited my talk page yesterday. Although clearly complexed and disturbed, he at least had the merits of being slightly entertaining. LEAVE LOLLIPOP ALONE!!!
- Hmmm, You got a point. Maybe you should do something that pisses people off. That usually works.---
- How come everyone else always gets hate mail and not me? I'm cool... I'm hip... I'm up in yo' face, down wit' it, yo......
- Oh you got a hate message too, I thought I was special. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
edit Stupid cats
Hey lollipop...i need your help with it! For serious ;) --ShabiDOO 11:53, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll drop in as soon as I can. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 17 October 2011, at 18:37
- As you know I copied the article here. Could you go over the whole article and remove any sentence that is either 1. not funny or 2. not necessary. (don't worry though, it doesn't mean it WILL be cut out of the article, I just need someone elses view on whats funny and necessary. If you only find 10 sentences funny/necessary, then delete everything else. Don't forget, you are the chosen one. Even after I perish I will still be able to communicate with you through these talk pages. Don't forget................ --ShabiDOO 19:26, October 17, 2011 (UTC)
edit Lollipop
Lollipop, sorry buddy but there wont be a vote...and if there was...there would be no winner. It really would be better if you tried to work it out with Lyrithya and any other user who is bothering you. On their talk pages and or IRC (and not on a different user's page). You just might even compromise a tiny bit with each other and go eat icecream afterwards. Maybe even hold hands. You never know. --ShabiDOO 22:11, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
edit Award from UN:REQ
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| This user created Vasco Rossi, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for (If awarding yourself please update the award statistics) |
edit Stay, you
I saw a hint somewhere that you may leave, and that's too bull for me. Please stay, and keep doing what you've done so well. There is nothing so rich as a man who has everything and still comes around here, and since you have everything and show up nonetheless, your value to the site is immense. Thanks for being you, and not me, and thanks for the stuff. Aleister 17:57 21-10-'11
edit UN:OFFICE
I've added you to that - best if we put stuff down in a place where it won't be going anywhere, and also your threatening to leave and whatnot really has got to stop, especially since you do do useful other things. You can see your entry here - if you have questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to bring them up now as opposed to after something horrible happens. ~ 08:24, 22 October 2011
- :'( Come on Lollipop I know you can avoid the bannage here and I hope you decide to legitimately make an effort to try nd clean up your act. I personally think UN:OFFICE is a bit extreme, but apparently thats only u to the sysops. Please don't try and rage quit again, because success will result in you not being here and failure will do the same. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:27, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I wouldn't want to see you banned either, Lollipop, you do a lot of great things here, but sometimes the drama created is so disproportionnate that I understand Lyrithya. Take a deep breath before editing something you may regret afterwards, bro. Or go take a walk and come back with a fresh mind. :) Mattsnow 10:21, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I have removed the UN:OFFICE restriction for now. This isn't to take away from anything that these guys have said but I have my reservations about the restriction that was imposed. I'd like to speak to you via email or IRC when you next have an opportunity, just in an attempt to mediate somewhat. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 14:28, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I have spent a day off of Uncyclopedia to think over some stuff about all that was mentioned in the brief UN:OFFICE log. I was extremely amazed to see that I had been put there, but I feel that since I had a day to think these things over, I have decided upon fourles to change things:
- I have removed the UN:OFFICE restriction for now. This isn't to take away from anything that these guys have said but I have my reservations about the restriction that was imposed. I'd like to speak to you via email or IRC when you next have an opportunity, just in an attempt to mediate somewhat. --ChiefjusticeXBox360 14:28, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I wouldn't want to see you banned either, Lollipop, you do a lot of great things here, but sometimes the drama created is so disproportionnate that I understand Lyrithya. Take a deep breath before editing something you may regret afterwards, bro. Or go take a walk and come back with a fresh mind. :)
- If a user vandalizes, I may only revert them twice. The third time they do it, I immidiately add them to ban patrol and/or tell an admin on IRC and wait until their ban.
- If I ever feel like i'm being put down or harrassed, a good talk over with another user may boost confidence.
- If I feel a ban is a bit too harsh (if i'm banned at all), I will take it up calmly with the banner.
- If a vandal is attempting to talk to me on my talkpage, I will either 1. wait until they are banned and give a witty response once they are not capable of editing anymore, or 2. ignore it fully and move along. Probably 2 seems better than 1.
- I have also decided to stay away from Uncyclopedia drama at the moment, as it usually leads to a whiny fight that leads to either someone banned or a brief in-joke. I will take this and use it to learn from my experiences. This has been a good wake up call, as I am nowhere in the same category as those other users. I will work on those thing mentioned. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 22 October 2011, at 18:20
- Rock and roll Lollipop!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) --ShabiDOO 19:06, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I do feel a bit bad about causing a lot of drama. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 22 October 2011, at 19:22
- We all could have said and worded things differently. Just like in all drama. Why don't you work on that article (I don't feel too well). It has a lot of great potential...seriously. You just need to make a lot of cuts and try to get a concept inside it (a reason why all this happens, a second story line, a reocurring theme [beyond him puking]). We all have to make painful cuts and spend time making our articles clearer and more focused and conceptual (or maybe not). --ShabiDOO 19:26, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I do feel a bit bad about causing a lot of drama. --
- Rock and roll Lollipop!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :) --ShabiDOO 19:06, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I have also decided to stay away from Uncyclopedia drama at the moment, as it usually leads to a whiny fight that leads to either someone banned or a brief in-joke. I will take this and use it to learn from my experiences. This has been a good wake up call, as I am nowhere in the same category as those other users. I will work on those thing mentioned. --
edit Want to hear something embarasing
I was on a bus last night and I farted so hard that the whole bus heard it ... and then could later smell it. It was so toxic that an old lady threw up on the lap of a girl on her way to go dancing with friends. Then the bus driver lost controll of the bus and plowed us into a street market filled with customers. Most of us went flying through the front window which broke open. The smell from the cosmic fart then leaked into the street destroying all of the fruits and vegetables in the market and melting the steel of the street signs and fire hydrants. I cannot tell you how embarrased I was. I mean...seriously...my face was pretty red. No more enchaladas for me!!! --ShabiDOO 14:39, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Your fart has come all the way to greece too. -- 15:00, October 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I was wondering what that smell outside was! -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 22 October 2011, at 18:21
- I was wondering what that smell outside was! --
edit haha
I didn't know you liked men <3 --
KittyKitty (t) (c) 01:10, October 23, 2011 (UTC)
edit ):
I'm sorry for the death threats ad vandalism. Sincerely Stampy Wanpy (Sorry but they blacklisted my original name in the filter or something like that) --Huge apology account 09:30, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- What's a few death threats between friends? Come on, kill him already, and lick his dead Lolly down to the stem, and then pick up the stick and submerge it in quicksand. Yeah, do all those things, then you'd have something to apologize for. Aleister 15:42 24-10-'11
- Oh, really? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 24 October 2011, at 20:08
- Really. --ShabiDOO 20:45, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- I like the fact that he misspelled about three or four words. This kid probably aced spelling as a kid. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 24 October 2011, at 22:11
- Whats the story here...was that aimsplode?!!??! --ShabiDOO 22:42, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- No, it was Stampedo. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 24 October 2011, at 23:02
- Oh my...who was Stampedo? What did he do? Did he threaten to throw us all into a giant toaster? --ShabiDOO 23:15, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- No he was a blanker that created over 20 sockpuppets and threatened to kill anyone that reverted him. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 25 October 2011, at 00:08
- No he was a blanker that created over 20 sockpuppets and threatened to kill anyone that reverted him. --
- Oh my...who was Stampedo? What did he do? Did he threaten to throw us all into a giant toaster? --ShabiDOO 23:15, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- No, it was Stampedo. --
- Whats the story here...was that aimsplode?!!??! --ShabiDOO 22:42, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- I like the fact that he misspelled about three or four words. This kid probably aced spelling as a kid. --
- Really. --ShabiDOO 20:45, October 24, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh, really? --
edit I got something really important to tell you. A very important thing that you must know. More important than life itself.
Boobs. That is all.--- 04:44, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
- You got it wrong, dude. Boobs are life. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 25 October 2011, at 04:51
- True. true.--- 17:20, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- True. true.---
edit Maybe
Maybe. --ShabiDOO 21:11, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
edit Generic UnSignpost header
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
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Regular Servicing
Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care. But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written. The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS". The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right. The Return of the Tide
 As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools. Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year. At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself. The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:16, 27 October 2011
edit That thing
Any further progress with that thing yesterday after I left? Sorry about that, by the way; power went out. ~ 04:54, 27 October 2011
- Not really. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 28 October 2011, at 06:30
- Oh. Well, I think we can trust you to not do anything stupid for awhile, at least. Perhaps we can resume when the guy gets back?
- Or we could start debating it here. 1-2 weeks - it's sensible. And yes, it's not a pleasant prospect - that's the point. The idea is that you never do it at all, and if you're indeed certain you won't, then why the issue? ~ 11:58, 28 October 2011
edit Request
Um... hey. I've only been on this site for about an hour and already there are multiple things which I wish to correct that I have been denied from modifying. In particular this section of an otherwise great article. I wish for the following changes:
- For god's sake, take off those friggin' <big> tags!!
- Make it just one paragraph, rather than each line overlapping each other.
Why have I asked you? I looked on a list of people "happy to help noobs". This counts, right? - Hypster 15:49, October 29, 2011 (UTC)
- I'll read over it, and tell you whether it belongs or not. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 29 October 2011, at 20:22
edit SpongeBob SquarePants
As a reward, please accept this lovely template, complete with ice cream and a rectangular prism.
Thanks for the vote! --
16:03, October 29, 2011 (UTC)
edit Happy Halloween too!
Thanks for the message! Don't poison too much candies. Poor kids :P Mattsnow 01:27, November 1, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't give out the candies. I get the bunny children to do that. Of course, they do it after they get dressed up and get some bunny candy. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 November 2011, at 01:29
edit Generic UnSignpost header
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!
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Fundraising
 Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously. How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either. Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well.  The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue. The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted. Awards  The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day. The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine. The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:53, 3 November 2011
edit Pass the gravy boat and the green piped potatoes, would you , Love?
Thank you for your vote on Fanny Cradock! Hugs! Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 23:29, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
- *hugs Prettiestpretty* mmmm...you give good hugs. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 5 November 2011, at 00:37
edit Rollback
Hey, man... please don't use that unless you're reverting vandalism or something else equally unambiguous. When reverting users editing in good faith, please do so manually in the future so you can leave an explanation as to why you're reverting them, else you're just apt to wind up with frustrated folks without any idea why they were reverted, which doesn't really help anything. ~ 18:08, 7 November 2011
- I think i'm aware how to use rollback. Sometimes it's best not to say anything, or else the reverted user will become more frustrated. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 7 November 2011, at 19:24
- I'm referring to good faith edits, mon, things like this in which the user was legitimately trying to fix something. Reverting without explanation is good for vandalism and trolling, but that was neither vandalism nor trolling. Take a little more time to look at why someone might have done what they did and try to address it, especially if they're just missing something, that's all I ask. ~ 20:05, 7 November 2011
- I always check the 'diff' when i'm about to revert someone, but I assumed he was deleting the noinclude for a strange reason. Thank you for explaining that to me, I will try to be more cautious next time. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 7 November 2011, at 20:10
- Thanks, man. ~ 21:00, 7 November 2011
- Thanks, man. ~
- I always check the 'diff' when i'm about to revert someone, but I assumed he was deleting the noinclude for a strange reason. Thank you for explaining that to me, I will try to be more cautious next time. --
- I'm referring to good faith edits, mon, things like this in which the user was legitimately trying to fix something. Reverting without explanation is good for vandalism and trolling, but that was neither vandalism nor trolling. Take a little more time to look at why someone might have done what they did and try to address it, especially if they're just missing something, that's all I ask. ~
edit Lollipop...
...did you know that you can't spell zeebra without a b but that you can spell canker sore without an exclamation point? --ShabiDOO 02:34, November 9, 2011 (UTC)
edit Generic UnSignpost header
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism!
November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?
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Hard-Hitting Journalism
 There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes. Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue. Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it. Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months. On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it. IC
 There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such). Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is  We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'. So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:50, 10 November 2011
edit Whole Lotta Lolly Lolly
 | Thanks For Your Purchase! The NAARAHYNWOMDTCRDP appreciates your patronage because it prevents us from having to get real jobs and we can continue to provide you with compelling yet useless publications which exploit your fear of embarrassment and nuclear holocausts. Here's an oddly designed abomination of a template for your talk page as a special gift which acknowledges your stupidity for everyone on Uncyclopedia to see! |
Thanks for the vote on Tsar Bomba! As well as your kind words. -- 18:08, November 14, 2011 (UTC)
edit Thanks for voting for me
| Thanks for voting for me for Noob Of The Month
As a reward, I give you one of my pizzas! |
Thanks a lot for voting for me for Noob Of The Month, kind sir. It means a lot to me.
--PopGoesTheWeasel 02:58, November 16, 2011 (UTC)
- Mind you, that is good pizza. *continues to munch on pizza slice* -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 November 2011, at 03:45
edit UnSignpost - 17 November 2011
Now With 0 Trans Fat!
November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!
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VFS and Turkey Balls
 Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all. So we will. It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he.  The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too. The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy". Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off! Nominate my PIGGY!
Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns".  The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:26, 17 November 2011
edit Tonight We dine in Hell with Hitler!No seriously He got reservations
No really on this totally amazing LOLipop or what I call Awesomepop.Enjoy(P.S. I know How annoying this is ,but I kinda need it back 5 minutes from now!)UNmarine777 04:59, November 17, 2011 (UTC)
Shabidoo and 6 other users like this post. 
edit UnSignpost - 24 November 2011
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!
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VFS and Turkey Ball
 Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction. Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed. Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office. The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed." I'm back!
Did you all miss me? No? Fuck it. I'm going again. Festive Treats Ahoy!
 Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two Remember: PIES!!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:11, 24 November 2011
edit Guess what happened to me the other day!
I walked pass this glass thing on my wall and I saw a person in it that looks exactly like me!what do I do?--UNmarine777 01:34, November 26, 2011 (UTC)
edit Hikipedia
You know what I mean...
Nice try but please... It's weird... English people attacking against my home country...
And, ho, I`m that RammFan-guy there. I don't use my account anymore, but just wanted to say greetings from that place. Or something I dunno. But nice try still. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 07:26 28 November 2011
edit Don't see much of you these days...
Just thought I'd say, seeing as we don't seem to see much of each other these days, been kinda busy with final exams an' all. How you been Mr. Lollipop? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:30, November 28, 2011 (UTC)
edit Subpage
How to creat a subpage comrade?-- Red October 14:24, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
edit Re: Sig
Hello sir, I'd just like to tell you that I got your message and I'll make sure not to add any pictures onto my signature that's larger than 15 pixels. Thank you for the message. (I swear, I learned my lesson, so please don't ban me.) --Matthlock 22:35, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 1 December 2011
The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!
December 2nd, 2011 • Issue 147 • Don't make me use this!
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Reflections, Turkey Ball, Cabal Broadcasts and VFS
 As December dawns, the UnSignpost can only reflect on what has been an eventful year. Or rather we would if the reflections on this year weren't all about poo, bacon and Lyrithya... FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The UnSignpost would like to remind all users that there is only a month left before The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball ploughs onward, amassing entrants in all categories, to Mhaille's undoubted delight. While Mhaille was not available for comment, we were able to sit down with Lyrithya who just happened to be in the lobby complaining that she has not been in the UnSignpost enough over the last few weeks. What comment would she make? What fabulous insights would she reveal? "What Turkey Day Ball?" asked Lyrithya. This was deeply concerning on two levels, firstly because Lyrithya is judging the title category, and secondly because she said it to a hat stand about 4 feet to our reporter's left. Leaving Lyrithya to continue her tense negotiations with the hat stand about getting a job with computers, we moved on to interview Zombiebaron, who commented, "Zombiebaron", as usual. The annual Mince Pie eating competition started on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page on Tuesday, two days early, because he's impatient as well as being fat and lazy. All users are invited to join in and attempt to match Under user's astonishing VFS has also concluded. As you read this splendid periodical the results are known, however due to our lack of a time machine and the injustice of the world in general we do not know as we are writing this now. Our experts have looked at the vote and, after much deliberating, tea drinking and "Please stop holding me prisoner"-ing they concluded that there could be several outcomes, which further lead us to conclude that we should have captured some better experts. You'll have to wait until next week for the scoop on the new admins, which should please Black flamingo11 as he hates being in the UnSignpost; the illusive flamingo had this to say to the UnSignpost this week: "The horse porn is in the house; why would I throw it out?". Don't look at us, you voted for him. Hugely important happening stuns Uncyclopedia; no one cares
 This week a bolt of lightning apparently emanating from Wikia struck Uncyclopedia in a sustained manner, singeing eyebrows and back-hair from the United Kingdom all the way to that iota-sized island which Frosty calls "home". What was this scintillating stroke of... of... scintillation? Why, a mighty arbiter of Wikia was perturbed from her perch by the screams of the tortured mortals long enough to, as she put it, "blackmail a techy" into granting Uncyclopedians that boon for which they had clamoured for literally a couple of days: new namespaces. Yes, you asked for it, and now you've got it: those heretofore-faux namespaces, including HowTo, Why?, and that incredibly popular mainstay of Uncyclopedia, UnDebate, are now actual namespaces. According to several people who understand the full implications of this, having namespace-specific stuff will potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with. Said designated Uncyclopedia scapegoat Lyrithya: "Having namespace-specific stuff could potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with." When the news of the blessed event was heard, there was shouting, jubilation, gunshots, and widespread looting, and that was just Roman Dog Bird. Uncyclopedian-extraordinaire Zombiebaron, taking a couple of seconds off from his normal endeavours attempting to fit all of Uncyclopedia onto VFD, was heard to shout his own name in an uncharacteristically-ebullient manner.  Extravagant fame-whore Bizzeebeever, the author of the forum topic which started it all, spoke from his 15,000-room palace constructed entirely from mirrored pianos: "Of course, no one man can take credit for this," he said, flinging the end of a tie-dyed feather boa over his shoulder, "it was truly an achievement made possible by the work of multitudes. Anyone who notices the massive groundswell of changes should especially thank Lyrithya for her ceaseless work on the site." He also went on to thank Sannse for her munificence and benevolence, as well as the small pile of ashes which, we presume, is all that remains of the "techy" whom Sannse "blackmailed", and, lastly but not least-ly, Zombiebaron... for "being such an incredible pile of 'Zombiebaron'." |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:15, 1 December 2011
edit Penis
You're fired! -- 15:25, December 1, 2011 (UTC)
- I guess this only works on me. -- 12:12, December 4, 2011 (UTC)
edit I'll...
I'll Smosh you in the pit! 
|Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill 
| 02:31, December 4, 2011 (UTC)
edit Oya
I've missed you around. I have no idea if this means you haven't been around or I just haven't been paying attention, though, mainly since I haven't been paying attention, but I do hope the cows are treating you well. There are cows, right? Dammit, where am I?
Oh. Er... hi. ~ 21:49, 4 December 2011
- You never missed me Lyrithya. D': -- 14:15, December 5, 2011 (UTC)
- Oh yes she missed. She was altough too shocked from the case so she didn't do much to remember you. I remember how I cried when I first heard you're not around... and then you just appeared here so I didn't have a chance to welcome you... But, hey, I can now...
- ...MIMO! You're back! Wheehoo, let's celebrate this! Here, have this imaginary piece of cake! It has chocolate on it! And strawberries! OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:41 7 December 2011
- Cat, please. -- 18:57, December 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey that's right, where are you at Lollipop? I like your particular writing style, come back here! Mattsnow 20:33, December 8, 2011 (UTC)
- Hey that's right, where are you at Lollipop? I like your particular writing style, come back here!
edit UnSignpost - 8 December 2011
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
December 8th, 2011 • Issue 148 • Goodbye to all that.
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VFS ends... or does it?
 The wiki has new admins. There we go, got the first bit of non-news out of the way. Since time and circumstance have both conspired against the UnSignpost in a bid to not only evict us from the building but also to ensure we have nothing to report on every week, it has in fact been eight days since this particular piece of news broke. Black flamingo11 and Romartus have been made administrators and, clearly in protest as to how such a thing could have possibly occurred, Lyrithya has started a vote to change the system in order that such grave injustice does not ever occur again. Black flamingo11 agrees that he is exactly the type of weird abomination that such a system would easily sieve out. Romartus simply muttered something about not wanting to upset the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls; we assume he is chained to a radiator in her flat, occasionally being forced to dance for her amusement. Lyrithya proposes that we scrap the current system, just like she always does, and then we bring in a brand new one which nobody except her understands (see the abuse filter for details). Lyrithya is also to be congratulated for making Modusoperandi be serious for five minutes, something which science, constant pain, and the ingratitude of man has failed to do for around twenty years.  In other news, Joe9320 has declared that Imperial Colonization has risen and that "This will mark the Stupid Ages of Imperial Colonization." This correspondent has to agree that this will certainly be the case if Joe9320 runs it. While he was declaring things that nobody will remember in five minutes time, Joe also declared himself Lord of Uncyclopedia and all its dominions, may those who defy him drink eternally from Satan's grotesque member. Or words to that effect. Zombiebaron and Thekillerfroggy celebrated the sixth anniversary of the featuring of Euroipods by defacing the logo with a blue calculator in exchange for money and referring their friends to do the same. Such jollity flew straight over the heads of most of the userbase, whom Thekillerfroggy condemned as being far too young to remember when, like he can, this was all fields. Happy sixth birthday, Euroipods. We baked you a free cake. You just have to pay for it, and get your friends to do the same. This barrel? Oh no, we haven't even thought of scraping the bottom of it.  Finally, this forum still exists, and users have flocked from miles around to vote for it. The UnSignpost has no comment to make on this, except to ask these people: Who are you? How did you get in when we changed the locks? Try not to get too concerned. Remember, Wikia is a reputable company and certainly isn't a transparent front for a greedy Dragon which hates you. Honest. Competition Ahoy!
 Those of you who absolutely love writing competitions have happily had very little to complain about for the last couple of weeks as the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has enthralled and thrilled you for literally hours. The competition closed for judging last Saturday. Needless to say this is a long time to wait perched upon the edge of ones seat, as Shabidoo confesses himself to be, so it is just as well that the vast majority of the judges have decided to help out by failing to turn in any judging. The UnSignpost wises to remind competition judges that failure to complete judging on time can have a number of detrimental effects including sudden blindness, ostracism within the community and believing oneself to be an Ostrich. So unless you want to be hurtling 'round the wiki flapping your tiny wings in a futile attempt to take flight this time next week, I'd get on with it, and we do mean you, Wilytank. Thought we wouldn't notice, didn't you, and as for new admin, Black flamingo11, he has absolutely no excuse. Get to it you worthless peons; if you had lives you wouldn't even know this competition exists!  MadMax has proposed a second edition of The Article Whisperer to commence immediately after Christmas. Let us take a brief moment to explain why you are ideally suited to not only take part but why taking part is a brilliant idea. First of all, MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed, and secondly because MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed. The Article Whisperer is a competition held by UN:REQ to get some of the most requested articles on the site written down and made shiny. Head over to the forum right now and try to spare some time to volunteer to write or judge this, the most useful of our writing competitions. If you don't, MadMax will kill a Panda. In your house. Possibly. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:22, 8 December 2011
edit Go look on Xamralco's talkpage.
And tell us what you want to write about. -- 21:46, December 11, 2011 (UTC)
edit My Wikipedia pledge parody
Sorry that was me, I got logged out somehow. Is it alright to parody the Wikipedia begging advertisement letters? --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 05:06, December 13, 2011 (UTC)
- It's quite alright. And you can do Wikipedia begging advertisement letters, but can you make them more original(the money wasting joke is gettin' old...no offense). Great article so far, glad to see an old timer back. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 13 December 2011, at 05:09
edit Hey ...
Hey, Lollipop dude, User:Magic man and User:Xamralco have already agreed ... but I still need to ask you. Can I collaborate and help out with the article too? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 
04:00, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
edit I don't know where to ask?
You make signatures, right!? :3 How does it work? Where do I ask? waht. J.D. Soufi 19:07, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 15 December 2011
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA
December 15th, 2011 • Issue 149 • I demand satisfaction
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Weekly news round-up
 This week, in lieu of doing any actual news gathering the UnSignpost has swooped around the monthly awards pages and a couple of other pages to keep you updated. We've clicked on literally ten links taking immeasurable risks in the process. First up is Uncyclopedian of the Month which is entirely given over to praising Bizzeebeever for whatever it is he does around here. While we've certainly heard of the fellow we aren't quite sure the 'cut of his jib' as Thekillerfroggy might say is suitable for a serious award such as this. Bizzeebeever commented that he thought "Giving away an award this cheaply sorta devalues it" and for once the UnSignpost finds itself in total agreement. Bizzeebeever currently leads the pack with nine votes to Pentium5dot1's two with slime beast Xamralco bringing up the rear as always. Writer of the Month is also less of a competition and more of a 'let's all vote for Nikau' party. Nikau currently leads with thirteen votes. Naturally, since it is a party half of the userbase haven't been invited and Frosty has chosen to have a party all on his own at the bottom of the page, it's just like we've gone to Australia to meet him. On a serious note don't actually go to Australia; it's full of spiders who hide under toilet seats and drop down on you from trees... while you're on the toilet. Predictably N00b of the Month is also not much of a competition either with Jonny appleseed leading by virtue of having the most sensible username, his fellow competitors Gleep and Ferric AlFerrous had nothing to comment. Probably because we didn't ask. Meanwhile Reviewer of the Month, Potatochopper of the Month and UnBooks:Author of the Month have two nominees between them and have accumulated a total of one vote due to some despicable against voting on Potatochopper of the Month. Users should be aware that the annual awards will open next month to the delight and general acclaim of all. It is the solemn duty of every Uncyclopedian to vote on every single one these awards and yes, we do mean you <insert name here>. The UnSignpost will be there as always, always the bridesmaid but never the bride etc. etc. N3wz! For the win!!  HEY GUIZE!!! It's me again! Back to bring you more lolicious news and totally s1337 anecdotes! SEE WHAT I DID THERE, IT'S LIKE SWEET AND 1337! HOW S1337 IS THAT!! I totally LOLed @ Uncyclopedia this week as Magic man proposed a competition entirely based on Walruses. THAT'S SO ORIGINAL! Another tip-top totally important story is that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user bumped a forum topic from 2008 to the top of the list in order that he could add some kind of template to it! I'VE DONE SO WELL AT FINDING NEWS THIS WEEK! I've even put a totally hilarious picture over at the side (LOL)!!! So last time I talked about mince piez (Moar internet slang; I'm still hip!). So there I was hanging over the oven as the giantess shook me vigorously AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! HAHAHAHA... Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to panic. Help will never come. Emergency breathing apparatus will not be necessary at this time. Report all dangerous subversives. Expect no mercy this Christmas. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. Informants are not everywhere. Secret meetings of which you have no knowledge do not guide this wiki. Nobody cares about your articles. Our vigilance is ceaseless. Continue to as though everything were normal, which it is. Administrators will not tolerate levity of any kind. Bans protect you from that which would do you harm.  Accept our reality. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming -and if that Rabbit hadn't appeared when it did... well let's just say I'd probably be serving jail time right now! See you next time p33pz!!! Sodomy and Turkeys
Turkey and sodomy. A pairing as seemingly natural as faecal incontinence and free-balling, but at Uncyclopedia we do this with a somewhat less messy outcome an an annual basis - the Aristocrats Turkey Day Ball. This year saw some wonderful entries that promoted strong familial bonds and understanding in the main category - the Aristocrats joke. The tasteless equivalent of the best actor Oscar this year went to Black flamingo for his Aristocrats (class). Tied for second place were Xamralco and Thekillerfroggy for their works on Deleted Scenes and Mementocrats accordingly. We approached Black flamingo for a quote, but in the style of Brando we ended up talking to a Indian instead. Not the one he rode in The Wild One though. In the following category - the equivalent of the Oscar's Best Dance Direction award - was for the Best Bad Taste article. The not-too-shabby Shabidoo won the day with his uncovering of the skeletons in the family closet with The things your family doesn't know, making us wonder about his home life. Following this were Thekillerfroggy - making him the only individual to make the top three in two categories - and some other guy. Finally, the The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery, or The picture one category was hotly contested this year. Magic man streaked ahead of the pack, much to the distaste of the remainder of the pack, Zombiebaron and Mimo&maxus. Special mention here must go to Black flamingo, however, for not competing and still managing to outrank SPIKE, for his less impressive non-entry. Check out all the entrants at Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Do it while your mother is in the room. |
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--ChiefjusticeXBox360 10:28, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
edit The thing on the god talk page
I read your comment in the history and the reason I deleted that part was because I don't really like those kinda gay jokes but you can keep it. I don't care. -- 21:30, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- I understand, and the reason I kept it is it fuels the entire section. Thanks for your concerns though. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 December 2011, at 02:07
edit UnSignpost - 22 December 2011
Just like Grandma used to make!
December 22nd, 2011 • Issue 150 • Merry thing you may or may not celebrate!
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The Footlitzer Prize is a thing!
 So, last week our great Chief talked about the pitiful state of Uncyclopedia's awards without even mentioning the most pitiful of them right now. If you read the title, you'd know that I'm talking about the "Why should I care about a stupid feature on a stupid site?" a stupid person may ask. Journalistic parody is the most important form of parody out there. Anyone can write an article, but it takes skill to write an UnNews article[citation needed]. We should be trying to reward those skillful bastards, not ignore them. Without UnNews, nobody would take us seriously. Oh, wait. The point is that the Foolitzer needs our love. The hardworking writers that bring us smartly crafted misinformation every day need our love. We need to give them that love. Otherwise, we'll end up being worse than we already are, and do you think little Sophia's self-esteem can afford that? Do the right thing, people. You've got two days. Why two days? Because you just do. VFH
Hello, there. I want to talk about VFH. Those three little "How can I help?" you ask. Well permit me to hit you with some totally real and non made-up facts. Every 5 seconds a that VFH has low voting numbers Thekillerfroggy kills a Panda. An actual real Panda. After campaigning fiercely in Xamralco's sitting room he agreed to go and vote. On VFD. Does he have any idea how many deaths he caused? Let me hit you with some more facts. Every time the number of articles on VFD increases Zombiebaron kills a Dolphin. Do YOU have any idea how many deaths you cause when you vote VFD? Now look. You can save a Panda with just a click of a button. Vote! That's all. On VFH. Would you rather save a Panda or kill a Dolphin? Well? Which is it? Did you know that every time you fail to answer a rhetorical question the UnSignpost is forced to kill a Panda?  Our articles are dying. Look at the number of votes being devoured, not to mention articles being taken down from VFH because they mysteriously had "low health". And you all know who is causing the health to deplete? It's the |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:48, 22 December 2011
edit Tripped face first into a bar
Hello Mr. Pop. Merry holidays to you and to some of yours. This is a note to lots of people, asking them to join into a Walk into a bar collab (and if Iz missed you, you are more than welcome to "Walk into a bar" too!). If you want to join in, make up your best "Walk into a bar" jokes and we will have the bestest "Walk into a bar" page on the innernests! Aleister 16:00 28-12-'11
edit Merry Christmas!
I hope you are doing good, I'd like to know why my signatute doesn't worl on the French Uncy, my name here is Moresnow. I think I did everything OK, I must have misse a step! See here and here I hope you can see where I went wrong! Thanks Mattsnow 16:51, December 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Don't do anything yet, Lollipop. maybe I'll be able to change my name there to Mattsnow, but maybe I'll neeed your help with the sig anyway. Happy New Year in advance! Mattsnow 22:23, December 28, 2011 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 29 December 2011
The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism!
December 29st, 2011 • Issue 151 • I wrote something here!
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Goddamn Chief!
 Right now you might either be saying to yourself, "What the hell? How did someone other than Chief score the first slot on the Unsignpost? That egotistical jerk always gives himself the first slot!", didn't even notice that it was someone different writing this week or (and most likely) you're not even reading this, as you have a "real" life, whatever that means. Well that seems to be the case this week with our friend ChiefjusticeDS, as he released the following statement today at 13:42 UTC:
I know, what a jerk! Everyone should stop by Chief's talkpage and tell him what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is. But have no fear, my lowly peasants, as, once again (as in, this has never happened before, and will probably never happen again), I, Magic man, swooped in just in the nick of time to save the day with my amazing power to write dumb shit really fast (no, seriously, this is probably not going to be finished until five minutes before it's scheduled to be delivered). Everyone should stop by my talkpage and tell me what a great, amazing, cool, fun, awesome, lovable, orphan-hugging, money-donating, saint I am. By the way, for anyone who was wondering, that's my rendition of Chief up in the corner there. I'm the editor this week, so I get to do what I want. This is fun! My attempt at actual news  Yeah, as it turns out this is a hell of a lot harder than it looks (I'm literally just looking over the dump to see what the hell's happened this week). Once everyone's done telling Chief what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is (because I'm sure everyone will obey everything I tell them on the UnSignpost), also remember to tell him what a great guy he is for doing this every week.[1] Anyway, TKF reached forty features, so that's fun. I'll put the link to the obligatory forum in that section over there (I'm pointing right now, but I guess you can't see me). Staying with the TKF shit, he also rewrote Sex. I meant to help him with that, but then I went out of town. Sorry, TKF. Anyway, it looks like it'll be featured (yeah, forgot to mention it was up on VFH. Everyone go vote for it). I won't go on about how great the rewrite is, 'cuz you can go read it yourself, but it is. And now to deviate from TKF (that sexy bitch): Al started a giant Just pennies a day-style collab here, and has been asking for everyone's help. So... go do that. In other news, Christmas happened, but no one cares about that. Well... that really didn't take up as much space as I thought it would. So... anyone got any ideas? I sure as hell don't. I'm sure there was much more important news that I'm forgetting, but who really gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. Damn, this is a lot harder than it looks. Welp, looks like the columns will be uneven again this week, not that anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:53, 29 December 2011
edit You my friend, are awesome
Snowman of the month December 2011 ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:20, January 1, 2012 (UTC)
- I appreciate the thought, but this isn't actually my talk page. Pup 11:17 01 Jan '12
edit UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012
The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes
January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!
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'Tis the season to be voting
 It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level. The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012
 Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny[1], group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.
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edit Greetings
I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012
edit Right
I don't care what lame excuse you have, but not being active since mid December is purely unacceptable. You need to come back and help me and the others do what we do, keep this place tidy. Otherwise who else is gonna do it, Lyrithya, HA?
By which I mean Lollipop come back please, I miss you and such. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:59, January 9, 2012 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 12 January 2012
The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!
January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.
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TAW!
TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted.  A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares?
 Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement
You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:01, 12 January 2012
edit URGENT ... MAJOR IMPORTANCE ... VITAL
Lollipop...my god...I need your help ASAP. The colours on my sig are in desparate need of change. Its 2012 and its still blue. Could you come out of your hibernation and make me a new spiffy set of signature colours? Pretty please with powdered sugar ontop and freshly grated ginger? --ShabiDOO 00:10, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
edit WhThFu?
I was gone when the candyshelves collapsed on you. You get back here right now, Mr. Lollipop, people are missing you and that's a good thing. We are all sitting in a circle in the park, waiting for you, and it rains sometimes so hurry up. Aleister 16:11 17-1-'12
- Yeah, we sure miss you and the cyberpolice knows where you live, so get the hell back here!!! :P Mattsnow 18:25, January 17, 2012 (UTC)
edit UnSignpost - 19 January 2012
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!
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We're all going to die!
 Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be! Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout.
All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added " In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:07, 19 January 2012
edit I SAW YOU EDIT
Come back pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 03:30, January 20, 2012 (UTC)
edit HMC 2012
edit UnSignpost - 26 January 2012
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!
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Phoning it in!
 That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button.
Found it.
Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:27, 26 January 2012
edit UnSignpost - 3 February 2012
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!
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On Felonies And Awards
Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners.
Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support
 Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:09, 3 February 2012
edit UnSignpost - 10 February 2012
Just like Grandma used to make!
February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!
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Something happened this week.
 In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-  |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:24, 10 February 2012
edit UnSignpost - 18 February 2012
May contain traces of humor!
February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.
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Important competition news As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly.  MOAR PENIS
Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination
After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:55, 18 February 2012
edit UnSignpost - 23 February 2012
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!
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Softly softly, happy Monkey
Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else.  For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum
 TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:47, 23 February 2012
edit UnSignpost - 1 March 2012
The periodical without any junk in its trunk!
March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.
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Nothing.
So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry.  In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to. A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:24, 1 March 2012
edit UnSignpost - 8 March 2012
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA
March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!
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Vote for Change
 There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude:
Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:21, 8 March 2012
edit UnSignpost 5 April 2012
Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco
April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition
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Xamralco
Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco
Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say: “Ehh... He's alright.” I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco
I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space
Crap, that wasn't enough
How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out! |
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