User talk:LastSamurai

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Members of HackersUnited are definitely HAXOR NOOBS.

Setting off several recent flame wars in cybersace, HackersUnited as decided to go public due to unfair and unjust criticism of it among many in the cyberworld. This is the first document confirming the existence of this elusive group, which specializes in hit and run hacks run by several different sub-groups of HackersUnited. The only way to know if you have in fact been targeted by these brilliant cybermonsters is to check and see if anything on your computer contains the phrase "Art Artsium Cyber Lossium Testificate". If it does...... Good luck solving whatever problem they have caused on your most likely crappy technilogical machine.

edit Pre-History

According to one former member of HackersUnited, the group was first born into the mind of a John Smith in 2002 A.D. It took off when it was introduced to several fellow classmates, and it member total soon numbered around 5,000. Smith soon found he was unable to keep tabs on his numerous counterparts and was forced to split up the group into three branches. These branches together formed what is now known as "HackersUnited". LulzSec is a byproduct of HackersUnited, formed by a rogue agent who found himself dreadfully behind in his assignment and decided that he would form a less capable hacking community. Around 2004 A.D. , with a member inventory of approx. 10,000, Smith found himelf at odds with the popular opinion in the HackersUnited community. One day, he woke up to find his entire network system hacked to pieces and his Macintosh computer unable to even boot up due to the crap ton of spyware and viruses loaded onto it while he lay peacefully asleep. Unable to cope with the loss (for a hacker's computer is said to be his heart and soul bound up into... metal?), Smith soon died quite painfully, totally alone and at odds with his entire group of friends. With Smith gone, HackersUnited did not feel at all like Macintosh did when Steve Jobs died. In fact, they were happy and had a party to celebrate their newer and brighter future. Afterwards, the screams of computer owners echoed across the world for an entire week as the viruses sent out during the party did their job. Thus began the era of HackersUnited.

edit History

The history of HackersUnited is not well known, due to the brilliant plan of splitting up the group into three branches. This sucessfully isolated each branch, leaving them totally unaware of what the other two were doing at any given moment. Also, because it is well known that hackers are unable to write and only able to type, their is no recorded history of any deed or crime commited by this group. However, since LulzSec has been recently going public more and more often, we can only assume the activity among the "hackivist world" has definitely picked up. One important note is that HackersUnited is NOT a "hacktivist" group. They maintain that their only reason for hacking is the feeling of weaving past puny cyber-defence systems perpetuated by the Peoples Republic of China, United States of America and Iraq.

edit HackersUnited vs. Society

After going public on October 12, 2011, HackersUnited has taken hacking to a much more personal level. Instead of simply going after the bloated and cumbersome corporation technology, one branch has begun going after home desktops and laptops. Although a move like this has been discussed in hackers' encyrpted private forums, no hacking group had the guts to actually do it. Now, as several emotionally scarred witnesses say, HackersUnited is going up to people (mostly with Macintosh computers, since they are notoriously weaker in the hacking defence area than windows), stealing their computers and quickly creating a new, unremovable account. According to recent documents published by HackersUnited, each account is named either "LOLZ" or "Art Artsium Cyber Lossium Testificate". Although it is unclear what these two names mean, it is generally believed that "LOLZ" stands for "Lost Onography Lacking Zeal" (referring to the fact that computer owners lack zeal in protecting thier computers from hacking" and that "Art Artsium Cyber Lossium Testificate" has something to do with corporations are losing their cyber, ......erm...., "testificates".

edit So What can You Do?

For a start, commonplace computer owners can start buying anti-virus software (a futile gesture but something that will give them temporary peace of mind). Second, they can try to stay on guard for runners that will snatch their computers, add an account to it (or worse....) and run away like Forest Gump. Third, if they have Macintosh OS Leopard, and begins the steps stated below, they should pull out glock and blow them to hell and back.

  • Turns on the computer, and after the tone hold down the command key and the "s" key until the screen goes black and white writing appears.
  • Types in "mount -uw /" and enters it
  • Types in "rm /var/db/.AppleSetupDone" and enters it
  • Types in "shutdown -h now" and enters it
  • And proceeds to create a new acount on their Macintosh

OR, if they have a Macintoch OS Lion

  • Turns on computer, and after tone holds down command key and "s" key
  • Types in "/sbin/mount -uw /" and enters it
  • Types in "rm /var/db/.AppleSetupDone and enters it
  • Types in "shutdown -h now" and enters it
  • And proceeds to create a new account on their Macintosh

If ANYONE, even your mom, does this to your computer, run away with your computer and hope they give up on you.

edit Plots As of NOW

According to several reliable sources, HackersUnited is currently planning on developing software that will use new accounts created on your computer to spread trojan viruses of every class and type to every computer within five miles of it, effectively shutting down the cyber world for millions of users accross the globe. BEWARE!!!

edit See Also

Well, see nothing else seeing as the is the first public release of any information regarding HackersUnited. For now, I will stop using my computer, as they are sure to target me now.

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