User talk:Jonny appleseed

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Commander of the Order

Hello, and welcome to my talk page.

  • If you are here to compliment something I have done, may I say in advance, thank you.
  • If you are here to criticize something I have written, take a number: Counter

edit Welcome!

Hello, Jonny appleseed, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Jonny appleseed/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!  --Tomcat KittyKitty (t) (c) 20:16, November 4, 2011 (UTC)

edit All The Best

All the best for your noob of the month nomination! --PopGoesTheWeasel 02:14, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

edit Collaboration?

Hey, Johnny, it's me, PopGoesTheWeasel. Would you like to collaborate with me to write an article? I think you're good noob (by the way, you can vote for yourself for noob of the month) and I would love to hear your ideas. Thanks a lot for reading this. So what do you say? --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 05:26, November 20, 2011 (UTC)

Not sure, why don't you give me your ideas first? Maybe we could try to create an article for VFH. The more, the merrier, eh? --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 03:55, November 29, 2011 (UTC)
I like the ideas about the Solar Eclipse incident and the The Kingdom Of Pagan. Which of the articles do you think will work out better? After, we rule out the article we want to collaborate on, we'll start working on it, eh?
Oh, and by the way, that's a funny button you have there, let me press it -
Explosion mushroom shaped
--POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 04:09, November 30, 2011 (UTC)
I'm sold. Kingdom Of Pagan is my choice. Because it is a kingdom itself, I'm pretty sure we have a lot of holes to fill in, in other words, we can parodise a lot of things in it. I like your ideas too. Why don't we use your hilarious ideas and expand it through the article?
For example, when talking about orgins, we could use one of your ideas to fill that bit up. Hilarious ideas, by the way. So who starts the article? --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 03:24, December 1, 2011 (UTC)
I have already started the article, by the way. If you happen to change your mind, tell me. If you want to stick with Kingdom of Pagan, feel free to edit it. I started the info box, can you help me fill in? If you don't want to, tell me. Or we could fill in the info box half - half. Thanks.--POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 04:39, December 1, 2011 (UTC)
Can you keep this conversation on one user page only, otherwise a lot of this doesn't make sense. Also Jonny appleseed, can you sign your posts? --LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 09:13, December 1, 2011 (UTC)
Hey, Jonny, let's keep the conversation on this page! I'll be leaving for a week starting from tomorrow, so do whatever you want to the article. I have edited it again, and try to add some more images, thanks! --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 13:49, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

edit UnNews

Welcome bro! How do you find the place? Causy eh? Hope you like it! I liked the UnNews you wrote, hope you write more! Don't forget to include some links in them, as there is a lot of UnNews coming by these times and I'm lazy about reworking articles a bit. I'm quite glad to be able to use this as an excuse to drop by. Keep the humor coming! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 20:13, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

edit Hey Jonny

Awesome UnNews articles you have there. Also, I find you an awesome friend. After collaborating on Kingdom of Pagan, how 'bout we spend some more time together on making other articles?

And no, I'm not gay. --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 04:41, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Sounds good. And I'm glad you're not gay, because I'm married, and it just wouldn't work out. LOL. Also, I have deduced by the funny way that you spell words like humo(u)r, organiz(s)e, and zee (zed) that you live somewhere near the "Greenwich Mean Time" time zone. I, on the other hand, would be a cheeky Yank. But I think it'll be fun to write a bunch of stuff. I look forward to it. (And I have no problem using the British way to spell things either for the collaborative articles.) Jonny appleseed 17:09, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

edit Italy

Pizza flag

Mamma mia! You voted for Italy on VFH and it was featured!

Thanka youa! --Pwn head Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 12:34, December 18, 2011 (UTC)

edit Moving The Article

The construction box on this article is annoying. Mind if I move it under your page? Oops, I already did! --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 03:56, December 22, 2011 (UTC)

edit Well Done

Noobaward Noob of the Moment December 2011

--Chiefjustice32X 10:08, January 1, 2012 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Greece Endorses Obama in 2012 Bid

I hope you won't take it bad, but I didn't put it on the front page, I sure will put it on the UnNews page though. Remember I have a lot of UnNews to read (which is easy) but I have to judge them (which is hard, and I hate to do that, and remember it is according to my taste which is not at all absolute.) If you feel I have taken the wrong decision, tell me on my talk page. Snowflake mini Mattsnow 01:57, January 8, 2012 (UTC)

edit Jonny!

Sorry for leaving the Kingdom of Pagan article for so long un-attended. In return, I've edited a large portion of the article. Hope you forgive me! Oh, and you don't appear to be responsive lately? Something the matter?

Remember to send me a message when you return,bro! I miss you! --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 10:40, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

edit Thanks for the proofread

I should have had that done to HowTo:Be Happy before it was featured. I miss these things when I try to proof my own work. Pup 12:16 24 Feb '12

Glad to help. Ive been a professional technical writer for the last 13 years, and I do the same thing when I try to proof my own work.

edit YOU! Hey, YOU! Yes, YOU...

...rock. Carry on. ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-usTue, Feb 28 '12 23:50 (UTC)

edit Congrats!

Well deserved feature. Keep up the good work! Pup 02:04, March 11, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, and thanks for the nomination, Pupppy. -- Jonny appleseed (talk) 02:14, March 11, 2012 (UTC)

edit Hey!

Your article chairs is'nt bad. But I think it needs more links. --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 10:20, March 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit Amero is featured


Many thanks for your positive vote--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 15:00, Mar 17

edit The Pea Buddy Awards

WOW! A brand new UnNews competition and we need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! Snowflake mini Mattsnow 00:41, March 20, 2012 (UTC)

edit I would like to bring your attention to this forum

Forum:Vote to De-Op Lyrithya                               Puppy's talk page03:20 07 May

edit It's been a long time since we talked, chap!

It's me, remember? Well, I don't blame you if you don't remember me, I don't remember you either until I looked back at my user page and realized it's been a long, long time since we talked. I guess you're still busy with your life, eh?

Well, I've been thinking. Another collaboration would be beautiful but that's up to you. Take this message as a brand new "hello"! --POP!GoesTheWeasel Evil-clown 01:43, November 12, 2012 (UTC)

edit 63032 Billschmitt

I have tagged your new article with {{ICU}} and offered editing recommendations in the article. Basically, it doesn't look like an encyclopedia article and is probably never going to. We have other projects, such as UnNews and UnScripts, that are more suitable for this type of writing. When you write an article about something nonexistent, you are creating a page that no one will ever look up; they might only stumble onto it by mistake, through links like Special:Random. Also, please don't leave stuff unfinished in the main encyclopedia; create pages like User:Jonny appleseed/63032 Billschmitt and move them to mainspace when you are done (ideally, when someone else has reviewed them too). Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 12:27 20-Sep-13

I moved the article. I got about halfway through it last night, and thought you know this is only half-baked...but I was too tired to move it or do anything with it then...figured I'd get to it this morning. But thanks for the feedback. You can go ahead and huff the redirect. Oh, and it does exist...WP:63032 Billschmitt. Jonny appleseed (talk) 19:01, September 20, 2013 (UTC)

Very well. However, when choosing its final name, do ask yourself whether anyone is ever actually going to type it; to boost readership, style the article not as an explanation of something no one knows or cares about, but as something they do. Either way, you remain free to write what you want to write. Spıke Ѧ 19:04 20-Sep-13

edit Voting on VFD

Thanks for your vote, and for backing it up with a reason. But when you vote, you always need to adjust the count of votes on that side. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 10:43 6-Jan-14

edit UnNews:Same-sex marriage gains historical support

This is now on the Front Page (which I hadn't updated in weeks). I edited your lede paragraph to make it sound more like a news article than a sales brochure. ("News" must assert that something new just happened; and your story still has the feel of advocacy.) And I took further liberties with the excerpt of it that appears on the Front Page to try to give a hint of the article's comedy strategy. Spıke Ѧ 16:52 18-Jan-14

Thanks, Spike, I appreciate the effort. Jonny appleseed (talk) 15:34, January 21, 2014 (UTC)

edit Air Force

Apart from this article's disturbing tendency to invite anonymous editors to contribute personal anecdotes, it strikes me that a blog about individual AFBs is not notable to the average reader — especially, in the case of Goodfellow, your observations about two individuals. (Thank you for not including their names!) Consider deleting that entire section. Spıke Ѧ 16:37 21-Jan-14

edit UnNews:Obama to speak on green jobs in Utah‎

I wish this made its anti-Obama bias a little more subtle. On the other hand, instead of mentioning that Utah is one of the last states he has visited, you might throw in, last "of the 57" — you remember that slip-up? Spıke Ѧ 16:15 3-Apr-15

Nice idea....I'll make an edit Jonny appleseed (talk) 16:41, April 3, 2015 (UTC)

I made a few other edits, inserted a paragraph of Michelle's own waste of energy, and made an audio version. (Gnome-speakernotes listen) The key is to intersperse the waste of energy with references to conserving energy until it is certain that the reader will make the connection for himself, while never saying it directly. Your final sentence ("Utah welcomes Obama") did not read like news at all but cheerleading. (How does the newsman know what Utah feels?) But the sentence before that ("literally tens of green jobs") was an excellent ending.

You are added to UnNews:UnNewsAudio#Other writers whose stuff got broadcast. Add a national flag if you feel like it. Spıke Ѧ 13:03 6-Apr-15

Thanks for the workup. I liked most of your edits and your Michelle Obama addition. Jonny appleseed (talk) 22:00, April 15, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Organizers may cancel Earth Day Concert after being fined by city

This would be your department!

Spıke Ѧ 12:09 20-Apr-15

That one could almost be put in verbatim and work here. Jonny appleseed (talk) 17:12, April 20, 2015 (UTC)

That would be against the rules! If you take it, please add value, otherwise you would simply be using the website to say, "Look at Fred! What a jerk!" or "advocacy." Perhaps use this Source to kick off an UnNews about the way green advocacy groups would do a "litter pick-up day" alongside the expressway, or a majority in the legislature, or invent an absurd reason other than innate hypocrisy why they acted this way. Spıke Ѧ 17:18 20-Apr-15
PS--New writing competition starting on midnight next Friday; sign up if you want to take one. Spıke Ѧ 17:21 20-Apr-15

That's why I used the word 'Almost'. Perhaps I should have said, "these things practically write themselves." None the less, I have been thinking about an good angle for this one, and I think I have something that will work. I'll throw something together. Jonny appleseed (talk) 18:41, April 20, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for the idea BTW, Spike. Jonny appleseed (talk) 18:43, April 20, 2015 (UTC)

I tweaked this a little. For one thing, having the templates do the date and having a "dateline" with the place means you don't need to repeat these details in the text. Also, I thought "ending global poverty" was a separate joke and not just a list item, and that it would be cute to make it your final knock-out punch. You had one mistake about "it's," which always suggests a grammar lesson you should learn for keeps. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 21:44 20-Apr-15
PS--Also shortened the title a little, as shown in the section head. Spıke Ѧ 21:53 20-Apr-15

edit UnNews:IRS to return frivolous expenditures to the public‎‎

Forgive me, but the previous UnNews didn't have much of a comedy twist (It only morphed "Greens misbehave" into "Greens get fined for misbehaving") and this new one doesn't have a unique take at all. You take an anti-IRS screed from the Daily Caller and write...virtually the same anti-IRS screed in your own words, casting Chelsea Clinton as an IRS spokeswoman and putting words in her mouth. As I suggest in my Extremists guideline: Obamoids will not be laughing, and even people like me who are no friends of the IRS will be waiting for a fresh new treatment of the subject. Please keep working on this one! Spıke Ѧ 17:55 22-Apr-15

Oh come on Spike, there are at least half a dozen original jokes in there that weren't in the Daily Caller. I do understand if you didn't like the Chelsea Clinton angle though. I'll see if I can rewrite it using someone funnier. Jonny appleseed (talk) 18:16, April 22, 2015 (UTC)

No, it is indeed "in your own words." But it is essentially the same story as your Source. Good luck! Spıke Ѧ 18:17 22-Apr-15

Rewrite complete, and I double checked to ensure that its and it's are both correctly used. (I know the rule well enough, but sometimes I get in a hurry with these.)

It was still terribly preachy — I cut some of this; as before, please hit your reader with a slightly smaller sledgehammer. Also, the reader of "news" wants to know in the first sentence (the famous "lede") — what just happened, not when "It all began when" or amusing background anecdotes. You could write for Time Magazine, but this is UnNews, mister! You can find more nagging along the same lines at UnNews:Style. Nevertheless, it is on the Front Page, above the fold. Spıke Ѧ 21:11 22-Apr-15

edit Spring Festival

Hi and thanks for signing up for the festival. Would you have any topic suggestions for other candidates? Because we'd love to hear them! Anton (talk) 10:39, April 23, 2015 (UTC)

edit Springtime Surprise! assignment

Your article to write (by 23:59 UTC 3-May) is Ted Cruz. Spıke Ѧ 00:07 25-Apr-15

So let it be written, so let it be done.Jonny appleseed (talk) 15:43, April 27, 2015 (UTC)

Do not abbreviate your username when creating articles in userspace. User:Jappleseed would be a hypothetical other Uncyclopedian. I moved your article to User:Jonny appleseed/Ted Cruz. Spıke Ѧ 00:19 29-Apr-15

Thanks, I didn't realize I had done that. Jonny appleseed (talk) 15:17, April 29, 2015 (UTC)

edit QVFD

Please follow the rules! Don't sign entries; do use {{Redirect}} after renaming. If I click on your link on QVFD, I go to the real article, and might delete that by mistake instead of the redirect at the old name. There's no need to explain, as renaming a page happens all the time. Cheers! Spıke Ѧ 18:07 6-May-15

PS--I locked Ted Cruz "for judging" as you were still fixing typos after the deadline. Our judges are not moving quickly, but they are moving! Spıke Ѧ 18:26 6-May-15

PPS--I did some light editing of the story, and provided a second photo (I could not find one of a hacksaw itself). In my opinion, six straight quotes, to prove that none of the man-on-the-street interview subjects cares, is weak. It is nothing but the old "nobody cares" non-joke we advise against in HTBFANJS, and introduced by a warning that what the reader is about to read is crap (unscientific). Spıke Ѧ 19:00 6-May-15

Hey, Spike, I understand what you are saying there, and I would agree that too often the "nobody cares" gag is overdone. I put those quotes in there for some specific reasons, though.
* “Why should I care anything more about what he does than I do about what some plumber in Kansas does?” was put in there to mock how we as a society somehow tend to place a greater importance on the actions of so-called celebrities than we do on those of everyone else.
* "Who's Bruce Jenner" by a teen shows Jenner's has-been status.
* “I really don't have time for unimportant issues like this.” by an "older" person shows that those with wisdom ignore such trivial issues and this probably isn't even news worthy (much less so of a series of news shows.)
* “I would rather not discuss such unsavory topics in front of my young children.” shows the unnaturalness of what is happening as perceived by many pretty much any mom I know.
* “Just don't show me any 'before and after' photos, please.” shows how most of these surgeries come out as less than optimal, aesthetically.
* “He can have species reassignment surgery and become a flamingo for all I care.” I thought was just plain funny.
That was my reasoning for putting those there. (I really do think about what I write sometimes.)
As always, I appreciate it when you take time to edit my work for clarity.
Jonny appleseed (talk) 19:51, May 6, 2015 (UTC)

So, will the reader see that? This reader noticed that you were at least nibbling on different edges of the "nobody cares" meme but still thought it got repetitive. (Did you know that Massachusetts was about to grant a convict's request for The Hacksaw but the U.S. Supreme Court ruled this week that taxpayers didn't have to pay?) Separately, we have another Surprise Me! contestant editing beyond the deadline and, for consistency, I reverted the typo you fixed after the deadline. You can re-fix it after the judging. Spıke Ѧ 23:54 6-May-15

edit UnNews:NSA spying helps Lynch, mob in Baltimore

This UnNews needs to get funnier faster! The first three two paragraphs are simple exaggeration, and before I figured this out, it read exactly like (1) a straight description of the real news, or (2) something Lynch's adversaries would write in serious political opposition: An attempt to inform or persuade, not amuse. More at CoW#Extremists. I recommend you mix in some word games or goofiness too. It just takes too long to see your subtle comedy concept. Spıke Ѧ 19:23 8-May-15

Just a few entries up, you were telling me that I needed to be more subtle, which I seem to have taken to heart a little too well now. Jonny appleseed (talk) 21:57, May 8, 2015 (UTC)

There may be extremes at both ends that need to be avoided. But the headline (page name) has no humor; Paragraph 1 (whose wording I tightened a little) is necessarily factual, and Paragraph 2, a long quote attributed to an Attorney General that I see as an extremist, has to be read a little too closely to tell you are starting to play with the facts. Spıke Ѧ 23:15 8-May-15

I thought about making the title UnNews:Justice comes to Baltimore via Lynch‎‎'s mob (or maybe even just Lynch mob) to play off the AG's last name, but I was trying to avoid extremes in extremism. Jonny appleseed (talk) 23:21, May 8, 2015 (UTC)
oh, and the first "email" was taken almost verbatim from witch trial testimony. Jonny appleseed (talk) 23:22, May 8, 2015 (UTC)

I used that joke too — on a completely different Lynch — at New Hampshire. No, "Lynch mob" might give away that you aren't a fan of Loretta (me neither). I am thinking about doing something with "Justice promises justice for Baltimore". Spıke Ѧ 23:42 8-May-15

Maybe: Justice Department fingers investigators to probe the bowels of Baltimore City Police Jonny appleseed (talk) 23:53, May 8, 2015 (UTC)

Ooh, no Anal Humor in the headlines, please. Spıke Ѧ 00:02 9-May-15

edit Hacksaw

If you like my headline on the Front Page more than yours, I'll move-and-adjust. Can't help it, when I hear Gender "Reassignment," I think hacksaw. Spıke Ѧ 00:02 9-May-15

You're welcome to do whatever you think comes off as the most humorous. You'll find it's hard to offend me. Jonny appleseed (talk) 00:15, May 9, 2015 (UTC)

Well, I did do whatever I thought, on the Front Page; just asking if you want your UnNews renamed to match. I hope I haven't offended you with my edit of the other story. The long speech attributed to Lynch contains entire sentences with no humor except to make her look like a blowhard (which I'm not sure relates to anything in real life). Again, this deliberately bad writing makes it harder to get to where the fun starts. Also tugged it in two other directions, as noted in the Change Summary. Spıke Ѧ 00:22 9-May-15

Let's try it as UnNews:NSA spying helps Lynch, mob in Baltimore. Spıke Ѧ 16:53 9-May-15

Works for me.Jonny appleseed (talk) 16:10, May 11, 2015 (UTC)


Both our judges thought your Ted Cruz was the best article in our competition! (And they didn't even sniff that it "needed more British material" as they did mine!) Congratulations! You are welcome to list this in your Awards and honors! Someone may even be along with a photo of a trophy. Spıke Ѧ 15:55 13-May-15

Congratulations! Even though I know the only reason you won instead of me is because you showed the judges your boobies. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 01:20, May 14, 2015 (UTC)
Thanks Miley, but my man boobs aren't very aesthetic! Jonny appleseed (talk) 17:09, May 14, 2015 (UTC)

She only wrote that because she wants to show you hers. Spıke Ѧ 17:28 14-May-15

edit UnNews:ISIS victory takes Obama by surprise

Hi, firstly congratulations on winning the competition, great article! Oh and I haven't introduced myself properly either, so Hi again! I just added a bit in the last paragraph of your UnNews to expand the monkey typing joke a bit. Hope it works and is ok with you. Revert if not, of course. --EStop (talk) 09:56, May 19, 2015 (UTC)

I like what you did. I was thinking of adding more myself this morning, but now I don't have to. Always a bonus. Jonny appleseed (talk) 15:59, May 19, 2015 (UTC)
Several of us set upon it; you can see our conversation at User talk:SPIKE. It has just gone up on the Facebook page too. Spıke Ѧ 16:05 19-May-15


Uncyclopedia's highly professional marketing team have created an fb page to post featured articles and UnNews. Like us here:

Get your friends to like us as well! SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 10:08, May 19, 2015 (UTC)

I went, I saw, I liked. Jonny appleseed (talk) 19:29, May 19, 2015 (UTC)
Thank you! SirScottPat VFH NotM WotM WotY UotM 09:29, May 22, 2015 (UTC)

edit UnNews:Obama calls for kinder, gentler police force‎‎

That was too easy for you! But:

  • Wasn't it the federal government previously pushing the paramilitary gear on the local forces?
  • What does America look like when ATF and the FCC have all the tanks and rocket-launchers used in "domestic law enforcement"? Spıke Ѧ 19:26 19-May-15

edit UnNews:Boy Scouts bans dangerous weapons‎‎

A good find and good work! As to why the header looks different, see Forum:UnNews masthead. Spıke Ѧ 23:17 21-May-15

I tweaked the lede a tiny bit and added Categories. I suggest you increase the dosage of humor:

  1. Make the first list shorter, or even a short list inside the paragraph
  2. Make the first quotation shorter
  3. The predictable reaction of real Scouts is, well, predictable. This part of the UnNews reveals that a lot of the comedy was the absurdity of the real-life news. Exaggerate the rank-and-file's reaction (perhaps an armed raid against National Headquarters before turning in their arms?) or take it in a new direction.
  4. Be aware that not everyone knows the Scouting Oath, so your final joke could be done better. Spıke Ѧ 23:25 21-May-15
OK, I'll make some tweaks. Jonny appleseed (talk) 23:31, May 21, 2015 (UTC)

So much good stuff! A week ago, stuff used to last on the Front Page for a week; now I've expanded it from 5 to 7 features and they still drop out in a couple of days! Feast-or-famine! Spıke Ѧ 23:33 21-May-15

The crazy thing is that you don't have to look very far at all to find something crazy, outlandish, or just plain stupid that someone is trying to pass off as a good idea, and it just seems to be getting worse all the time.Jonny appleseed (talk) 23:38, May 21, 2015 (UTC)

I hear you! but to do a good UnNews, you have to not just report the crazy, but create some of the crazy. It is now on the Front Page, but could still get better, cheers! Spıke Ѧ 23:44 21-May-15

PS--Your rework of the final paragraph not only explained where the "Cheerful" thing comes from; unfortunately, it went way past, to explaining exactly what was funny about it, the way some Japanese humor does. I post-edited you there. Spıke Ѧ 13:18 22-May-15

Coolness. I wanted to do more with it, but I had to get started on the wife's Honey-do list. Jonny appleseed (talk) 14:53, May 22, 2015 (UTC)

edit Laffy Taffy

May I go in and tighten up your Intro? (Among other things, "obfuscate" is a clever word that means obfuscate, and which obfuscates, which means that, although clever, it is the embodiment of bad writing.) Spıke Ѧ 00:04 29-May-15

Go ahead. Sorry, been away for a bit. The article is not in main space yet, obviously because it's not done. Jonny appleseed (talk) 14:33, June 3, 2015 (UTC)

I like this! The article has a very clear focus (maybe predictable from the name of the candy) but now, with "animal testing," you are managing to tug it in different directions. Spıke Ѧ 23:14 3-Jun-15

Next, you are going to tell us how it got out of the basement of the National Archives and onto candy wrappers? For extra style points, can you make this story bounce off actual facts from the Wikipedia article? Spıke Ѧ 14:32 4-Jun-15

yes I am. But the Wikipedia article isn't even half as long as what I've already written

edit UnNews:Montana official fish and game policy: blow it up

That is a good piece of writing! It is more UnMagazine than UnNews, and I am wrestling with what to do with it on the Front Page, along with mine and a counterpoint to mine due to arrive from EStop. Spıke Ѧ 15:53 5-Jun-15

It took me a while to warm up to this one, but it did run as a Front Page graphic for a few days. Spıke Ѧ 14:43 16-Jun-15

edit UnNews:Hillary Clinton tells God to change His mind

Hillary's declaration that it is a function of government or statespeople to change the religious opinions of the citizenry is extreme and deserves an UnNews. But recall my recommendations when writing about extremists. In particular, in describing the gruesomeness and pain of abortion, you are laying on the advocacy way too thick. Spıke Ѧ 14:38 16-Jun-15

PS--Upon further review, this is total harangue, even stretching to the Second Amendment. I have no sympathy with any of Hillary's positions, but this UnNews is not going to be funny to most readers on either wing. A more minor problem: Focusing so much on state of mind (exactly when Hillary came to these realizations — unless you want to have her denying it's a flip-flop) mars the resemblance to a real news story. Spıke Ѧ 14:43 16-Jun-15

You are right. Put it in my user area. I'll work on it. Jonny appleseed (talk) 14:48, June 16, 2015 (UTC)

Moved. May I help? Spıke Ѧ 14:53 16-Jun-15

Please do. If you can make it funnier, go ahead. I need to think about how to make it more funny and less of a rant. I'll look at it again this afternoon. I might be able to bounce off your ideas...or just leave them in.Jonny appleseed (talk) 14:56, June 16, 2015 (UTC)

Well, I made the Intro more concise and related the fantasy to the reality. But I am stuck on some things and don't want to write a completely new UnNews in your name. For one thing, you make the case that Hillary's opinion goes against the Bible, but for better or worse, very many Americans do not believe that the Bible is the basis of government. (I believe that the First Amendment was written to take religious questions off the table. On abortion, religion informs the voter, but religion does not provide a right answer for the government, which may define the boundaries of legal personhood for many reasons apart from the Book of Jeremiah.) To the point here, it is an unlikely source of humor. Later in the UnNews, having unnamed opponents argue against Hillary's position (for the sake of showing that they are right) has no humor potential. If you want to go here, name an opponent, quote him saying something he would have said anyway, but cleverly twisted, and as I say in CoW, have some ridicule for both sides. But that gets to the question of whether you wrote this to amuse the reader, or.... Spıke Ѧ 15:16 16-Jun-15

PS--For your amusement, there is a collection of scary Hillary quotes here. Spıke Ѧ 15:22 16-Jun-15

PPS--I have been hearing about the Pope's imminent Liberation Theology encyclical. What if you used these two lefties as competing, self-styled press agents for God? Spıke Ѧ 19:25 16-Jun-15

Complete overhaul; much of the ranting has been removed. More jokes which poke fun at both sides. See what you think.Jonny appleseed (talk) 22:31, June 16, 2015 (UTC)

Much more light-hearted and fun to read! The long paragraph (regarding Notre Dame professors) is still very preachy, before you turn to self-deprecation at the end. Let me go in and mince words; by all means post-edit me if you want a different balance. Spıke Ѧ 03:49 17-Jun-15

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