Today, January 5th, 2010, is the 5th anniversary of Uncyclopedia. It's hard to believe that it's been 1,826 long days since this site first began broadcasting its pirate signal and hacking into the Internet.
We wanted to thank everyone. Thanks to you admins, for being cool and sexy and awesome and also for writing this letter. Thanks to you regular users, who write the articles that some people actually think are tolerable, for some reason. Thanks to you IPs, who sometimes don't even vandalize featured articles, maybe. And most of all, thanks to you silent viewers, who browse quietly, reading our content as you boost our hitcount and allow yourselves to be bombarded with waveDafterRwaveIofNsubliminalKmessaging,CwhichOpaysKforEthe site. To everyone reading, thank you for somehow managing to tolerate this place.
Which brings us to the main part of this letter.
We're so sorry. Oh God, we are. We know we're the worst. And we try to fix it! Really! Well, try is kind of a strong word. It's more of a passive hope with no desire to put forth any actual effort. It's the thought that counts, right?
The point is, we didn't mean for it to turn out this way. We had all these great ideas about parodying Wikipedia and writing satire and being funny. The road to comedy hell is paved with good intentions, I suppose. But come on. Mr winkler is GAY? Fisher Price? I maed a yuky doody? Dan Kwon? Euroipods??? Even we don't know what the fuck we're doing. And we're sorry. Really, really, really sorry. We're sorry we even started this thing up. Honestly, what were we thinking? Letting people try to be funny on the internet? People on the internet aren't funny! If they were funny they would be funny in real life, and have no reason to be on the internet! Stupid, stupid, stupid.
It would be easy, perhaps, to blame the founder of Uncyclopedia, Chronarion, for what the site has become. So, we will blame the founder of Uncyclopedia, Chronarion, for what the site has become. Fuck you Chronarion. This is all your fault. A website for user-generated content that parodies Wikipedia...what a joke. And not a funny joke, either. This is Uncyclopedia, after all.
Anyways, to everyone too dumb to find a better website to waste all their free time on, we're terribly sorry, and thanks for viewing Uncyclopedia.